Chapter Eleven

Charlie

It was entirely possible that he was the only one in the entire room who even noticed she left. When everyone was gathering around Ron to ask him questions about the new baby or congratulate him, Hermione just slipped out of the waiting room. It was obvious she was upset and had to leave in order to hide from everyone else.

Was she jealous? Few people could sit in a hospital waiting room for hours to wait for their ex's baby with another woman to be born and it not bother them. Charlie knew that she had what many might consider a strange, unorthodox friendship with his brother, but it was still strange that she would wait for so long only to escape when the baby was finally born. Why be there at all in the first place?

Charlie was worried about her far more than he was anxious to push through the crowd to clap his brother on the back. Ignoring everyone else in the room, he followed her out the door. Ron had a room full of people. Hermione had no one.

At the end of the long corridor he saw her open a door and disappear inside. Worried he might lose her if he didn't hurry and catch up, he sped up his steps. The room she chose to hide in was a broom cupboard. When he reached for the doorknob, he stopped himself before he even touched the metal. What right did he have to intrude upon her solitude if she needed a few minutes to compose herself? One didn't usually sneak off to hide in a broom cupboard when they wanted company.

Once he heard the sound of her soft crying inside, he no longer cared if she wished to be by herself. He pulled the door open without giving it another thought. Embarrassed to be caught crying, she tried to hide her face, but it was too late. Charlie stepped inside and closed the door. Seeing her upset made him want to do something to help.

"Are you all right?"

His own words frustrated him even as he uttered them. Of course she wasn't. She was crying in a broom cupboard. Nothing about that was all right.

"I will be."

Though he appreciated her effort, he wasn't convinced. Because he couldn't keep his eyes from wandering over to the corner where she sat with his mum, he knew she had been uncomfortable the entire time she was in the hospital. No one would blame her for how she felt.

"Are you wishing you were the one who had Ron's baby?"

The question came out of his mouth far more blunt than it had been in his head, but he didn't regret it. Sometimes it was best not to dance around with pretty words and just get to the heart of the situation with no unnecessary delays. She exhaled.

"Not exactly. I'm happy for Ron and Mandy. I really am, but…"

"You're jealous."

"Maybe a little."

Recognizing they might be in there for a little while, Charlie conjured them both chairs that were far more comfortable than the ones out in the waiting room. It was a tight space. When they sat down, their knees bumped.

"Jealousy is normal. We all feel it from time to time."

She offered him a sad smile.

"Do you regret breaking up with him?"

There was no hesitation in the shaking of her head.

"I would do it again, every time. It was the right decision. I regret that it was necessary."

Charlie felt even more confused by her answer. It didn't make any sense at all. Exhausted of no one being willing to come right out and answer the questions he had about the failure of her relationship with his brother, he decided it was time for everyone to avoid the tense subject.

"Hermione, why did you break up with Ron?"

For several long moments she just stared down at her hands without speaking. Was she going to answer him? He knew it really wasn't any of his business, but he considered her a friend. Asking another friend about painful parts of their past wasn't unreasonable, especially when it came from a place of true care and concern. Just when he worried she was going to refuse to answer, she took a deep breath.

"I loved your brother very much. Maybe a part of me always will."

"I understand."

And he truly did. Even if he could hate Anca with every cell in his body one second, he still loved her too. Love made fools of everyone. The wretched woman in Romania didn't deserve a second thought after what she did to him, but he couldn't deny there was a part of him that could very well take her back if she asked. He hated admitting so to himself. It made him feel weak, out of control.

"We were both so busy back then. He'd been working very long hours and traveling a lot. I had all of these foolish, grandiose plans of what I was going to accomplish when I got to the Ministry. I worked too much, but when we were together, we made our time count."

Her cheeks flushed as she recalled the memories of that time in her life which made Charlie smile. No explanation was required. He knew exactly what she meant.

"One night we were together and I realized I was late. That in itself wasn't that unusual. I used to be very… I'm sorry. You don't want to hear this."

"No, I do. I'm not terrified of the mysteries of the female body. Tell me."

She looked as if she would rather be anywhere else in the world than in that broom cupboard talking about her menstrual cycle. Not that he could blame her. It was a rather private topic, one not usually discussed so openly. Other men might have been uncomfortable with what they were discussing. Likely he would have been too if his experience working with the nesting mothers at the reserve hadn't given him a more clinical, scientific view of the natural process.

"My cycle has always been a bit erratic. My mum had similar problems. It was only ever regular when I was good about taking my potions. When I realized I was late that night, I also realized it had been over a month since I refilled my order at the apothecary. During that month, we'd seen a lot of each other. I don't know why I said anything to Ron. It just sort of slipped out."

"Did my idiot brother freak out and say something horrible?"

Her smile was brighter, but there was still so much sadness behind it that Charlie couldn't stand it. All he wanted was to see her happy again. That wasn't too much to ask for, was it?

"He asked me to marry him."

'Shocked' wasn't a strong enough descriptor to explain how Charlie felt hearing about Ron's proposal. That wasn't what he expected to hear at all. He knew their relationship had gotten very serious before it ended, but he didn't know marriage was discussed.

"He was so excited. Even just the thought that I might be pregnant made him happier than I'd ever seen him."

"But clearly you said 'no'."

"Not exactly. I told him we needed to wait first, that it might be nothing. He agreed, albeit reluctantly. We cast a charm but it was negative. He took me to an all-night chemist for a Muggle test just to be sure. When that was negative too, he was so disappointed, I couldn't bear it."

It was a very painful memory for her to recall. Tears rolled out of her eyes. Charlie conjured up a clean handkerchief. She took it with another of her sad smiles that was threatening to break his heart. He didn't push her for more details or the rest of the story. She would tell him when she was ready.

One negative charm didn't seem like a good enough reason to end a loving relationship. Lots of couples needed time to conceive. That didn't mean there was anything wrong with them.

"Ron wanted to be a dad so badly. I made an appointment with a Healer the next day just to make sure everything was all right. I was definitely not pregnant. She ran a number of tests. Based on my history, my mum's history, and some of my injuries I sustained during the war…"

She stopped, her breath catching. Dropping her eyes back down to her hands, she needed some time to compose herself before continuing. To offer her whatever support he could, Charlie gently patted her knee.

"She didn't know if it was because of Antonin Dolohov's curse or what Bellatrix Lestrange did to me at Malfoy Manor, but she thought it was very unlikely that I would ever get pregnant at all. She said there was always a chance, however slim, but she didn't have much hope."

Suddenly Charlie understood why she had been so distant the night they discussed their suspicions that Angelina was pregnant. He reached for her hand to offer her a supportive squeeze. She tried to smile at him and failed.

"I went to a Muggle specialist too just to make certain. Poor woman couldn't understand some of my internal scars, but she came to the same conclusion as the Healer. She gave me information about Muggle fertility treatments and I looked into those."

"Not an option?"

Hermione shook her head.

"Children born through those methods are nearly always squibs."

"My family would love any of its children, even if…"

The sudden anger he felt in his veins that his family might reject one of their own because of lack of magic took him by surprise. Many Pureblood families had been known to abandon or even kill their less desirable family members. It was an open secret that had always disgusted Charlie. Maybe it was just more proof that the Weasleys were so-called blood traitors but he couldn't imagine any of them would be so cold and heartless to despise an innocent baby for something out of their control. Hermione tried to calm him down with a small smile and a squeeze of his hand.

"I know that. I never doubted that for a second. But… can you imagine what it would be like to be a member of the Weasley family and not have magic?"

No, he really couldn't. Magic was such a fundamental part of their identity. While it wasn't everything, it did at least touch all of the major parts of life. It was so natural he never gave it much thought.

"It seemed unfair to risk having a child who would always feel like an outsider. They wouldn't get to go to Hogwarts with their cousins or even use half of the products in their uncle's shop. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered so much if I had a stronger connection to the Muggle world."

With a heavy sigh, she dropped his hand. As much as he wanted to immediately grab it back again, he didn't.

"I did the most logical thing I could do. I broke Ron's heart once so I wouldn't have to break it over and over again."

Charlie didn't know what to say in response to what she admitted. What she told him was huge. He understood why his brother didn't tell him why they broke up, but left it up to her to do if she wanted. That wasn't a secret anyone should feel comfortable blurting out when they felt like it. Hermione took a deep breath and stood up.

"I think I need to go home."

He stood up with her to vanish their chairs. Part of him wanted to beg her not to run off in such a state. It wasn't his place to do so though. Hadn't she already had a difficult enough day? He admired her for being so strong. It was amazing of her to show up at the hospital in the first place. Asking her to stay longer felt cruel.

Before she could reach for the doorknob, he pulled her into his arms. She needed comfort, a reminder that she wasn't entirely alone even if it felt like it. He just wanted to hold her until she felt better. Tense at first, she just needed a second or two to give in to the embrace.

He could feel her trying to choke down a sob. His instinct was to hold her tighter. Knowing she felt so much pain made him feel sick. She made a sacrifice of her own happiness for Ron's because she loved him so much. Did anyone even know what she had done? Probably not. She had already proven time and time again what a private person she was. If he hadn't insisted on her telling him the truth, it was likely he would have never known any of it.

Several minutes passed before Hermione stepped backwards out of the embrace, but it wasn't long enough for Charlie. Something primal within him wanted to wrap her back in his arms and keep her shielded from all of the dangers and pain outside in their cruel world. Again, he knew he didn't have the right to feel or act that way where she was concerned. She was perfectly capable on her own.

"Bye, Charlie."

She offered him another sad smile then made her escape from the broom cupboard. The urge to run after her again was great. Somehow he managed to keep his feet in place. He waited a few minutes after she left before peeking his head out of the door to make sure no one was watching. All they needed was someone to get the wrong idea about what they were doing in there. Once the coast was clear, he returned to the waiting room.

Despite the atmosphere of the room still being quite festive, Charlie wasn't in a celebratory mood any longer. Still very happy for his brother and sister-in-law and anxious to see his new niece for the first time, he couldn't deny that the day had been tarnished somewhat. It was difficult to return to the party when all he wanted to do was run after Hermione.

No one seemed to even notice he had gone anywhere. Or so he thought until his mum crossed the room to speak to him in a lowered voice that only he could hear. Maybe he hadn't been as careful as he thought when he tried to sneak out of the waiting room. He thought no one else was looking. Somehow his mum always knew what he was up to.

"Is she all right?"

Charlie didn't know how to answer her question. There was no doubt she meant Hermione. No, he didn't think she was all right even if she promised him she would be. All he could do was shrug his shoulders. Everything else felt like a lie. His mum still smiled.

"She's a very special witch."

How could he argue with the truth? When he nodded, his mum took hold of his arm to lead him back to the rest of the gathered Weasleys. It was a joyful day for their family. Even as he continued to worry about Hermione and how she was feeling, he was going to celebrate.

Hermione

She couldn't get out of St. Mungo's fast enough. Once the door to the broom cupboard was opened, Hermione sought out the closest exit, determined that she would not be distracted by anything or anyone in pursuit of her goal to get the fuck out of there. If she had to curse someone to do so, at least Healers were close by to utter the countercurse. She didn't want to hurt anyone, but she was willing and capable.

To her relief, she managed to find the exit quickly and with no impediments. Back on the pavement smelling the familiar scents of London and not hospital disinfectant, she felt a little calmer. It had been a mistake to go. No one would've blamed her for staying away. She still wasn't sure why she was so quick to rush over to St. Mungo's when she got Harry's message. As truly happy for Ron as she was, there was still pain there, a tiny bit of jealousy that it wasn't her child he was beaming about. Likely there always would be.

If she had the ability to go back in time and drastically change her life, she knew she wouldn't waste the opportunity. There was so much she would alter. It was all so unfair. The anger she was always trying to hide or deny had never fully gone away even after years of trying. Usually it just simmered under the surface as she kept a brave face. Why were some people fortunate enough to go through their perfect-looking lives with seemingly no problems and others had nothing but hardships and broken dreams? It was infuriating.

She was embarrassed she told Charlie the truth about her breakup with Ron even if it was also something of a relief. He didn't need all of the details, like how Ron cried and begged her to reconsider, how he asked her again to marry him, how he lied to her that it didn't matter to him whether or not they ever had any children. When he finally understood she wasn't going to budge, they didn't speak for over a year.

It was the worst year of her entire life. None of the other horrible years came close. Not even the last part of the war compared because, but for that brief time he had been understandably terrified and overwhelmed enough to run, she had him by her side. Being unable to just roll over in bed to kiss him and share her worries and fears had been much harder than she could've ever imagined. She would always be grateful for the day Ron knocked on the front door of her flat to ask if they could be friends again. She didn't dare make the first move after she hurt him so much. If he hadn't been willing to ever move forward, she would have left him alone for the rest of her life.

Hermione would always always be grateful that they were able to eventually move forward to renew their close friendship. It had been far from easy. Many times she worried it might not even be possible. Thankfully, she was glad to be proven wrong.

And she really did love his wife. Mandy was far more perfect for him than she ever could be. They just made sense together. Maybe all of their lives could have been much happier if Ron noticed the pretty but quiet Ravenclaw when they were all still at Hogwarts. A lot of pain could have been potentially avoided. No matter. It all worked out for him in the end.

Whether it would all work out for her remained to be seen. After Ron there had been other relationships, of course. Her love life hadn't been that tragic. None of them ever got very serious. Once it was made clear that the man she was seeing hoped to be a father one day, she ended the romance. What was the point in putting them both in danger of being hurt again? She had already had more than enough pain for one lifetime, thank you very much.

The journey back to her flat didn't take more than a few minutes. Returning to her own private space helped to calm her nerves down even further. There was just something about being at her home that made her feel more at ease, more confident that she was going to be all right. At the very least it was quiet and she didn't have the constant reminder of how her life could have turned out listening to the Weasleys celebrate their newest member.

Just two steps into her flat, her eyes landed on the beautiful bouquet of flowers Kingsley sent her the day before. After her visitors left, she found a pretty glass vase she had always liked and displayed the flowers on a table in the front room of her flat. It was her hope that the gift would help remind her to make better choices. Kingsley was a good man who wanted something substantial and possibly long-term. Jeopardizing that for just a little bit of fun with someone who wasn't looking for forever and likely never would be wasn't a smart decision.

Someone looking in from the outside might think she was torn between the two men. She wasn't. What Charlie was and what he could not ever be was made clear from that first night before they snuck into the attic. She was under no delusion that they could ever be more than a sexual fling confined to the shadows. Something within him was too broken, too hurt to move forward. There was every possibility that he would never fully be ready for anything real and genuine when it came to matters of the heart. Hoping for anything more was just a waste of time.

Kingsley wasn't. Assuming Molly was correct and he wasn't the same sort of traditional man she felt obligated to run from, there could be something special there. It was obvious that the two of them made an excellent team when it came to professional matters. There shouldn't be much effort to make that true of their personal lives too. And no one could deny the wizard was handsome. He was the sort to only get more attractive as he aged. If he was paying her attention, she knew she should be flattered. Kingsley was the only viable choice.

Thinking about the men only made her head hurt. Or maybe it was the smell of St. Mungo's that had an uncanny ability to permeate all clothing and hair of any poor soul forced to enter its doors. Wanting to get rid of the reminder of where she'd been, Hermione went straight to her shower to turn on the taps. A nice, long, hot shower might be exactly what she needed. Rubbing traces of the hospital off with soap was certain to put her in a better mood.

It helped at first. As long as she was able to keep her mind from wandering, she felt calmer. Unfortunately, it usually didn't take much for her thoughts to become distracted. Remembering her conversation with Charlie in the broom cupboard, she felt embarrassed all over again.

Had she said too much? Sometimes when she got started, it was nearly impossible to stop. Would Charlie stop looking at her the same way after learning her secret? She hoped not. They had a good thing going even if she knew she needed to put an end to it. Having him start looking at her differently was bound to ruin their arrangement.

Her thoughts quickly turned to what it felt like to be held in his arms when she was upset. She couldn't even remember the last time a man just held her like that to offer her comfort without any expectation that it would change into something else. It was nice.

As soon as that thought crossed her mind, she tried to push it out. There was no use even having that sort of thought. It was a waste of time and energy. She and Charlie didn't have that kind of relationship. It was just sex. That was all it would ever be.