Chapter Thirteen
Charlie
Not fully awake or aware of what was happening when he opened his front door, Charlie wasn't all that sure of what his visitor said at first. Something about Hermione seemed uneasy, uncomfortable. Was she in some sort of trouble? Based on the box she pushed in his hands, he didn't think so. It all happened so fast. He thought he asked her if she was all right. When she tried to leave, instinct made him grab her arm. He didn't want her to leave. Not until he was positive everything was okay.
"I'm going to die alone, but I didn't want to spend tonight alone."
At the exact moment her lips brushed against his, Charlie pushed her carefully away with both of his hands on her upper arms. Not because he didn't want to kiss her. No, he was usually excited and ready at a moment's notice to kiss the fascinating witch, but in that instance he knew his breath was foul. Kissing right after waking up wasn't nearly as enjoyable as the romance novels and Muggle cinema made it seem.
Rejecting her, even for a good reason, in such a vulnerable moment was a bad idea. Misinterpreting why he didn't want to kiss her, she was obviously embarrassed. Did she even know how adorable she was when her cheeks flushed a dark red? Likely not. She might have been successful at her second attempt to escape if he didn't still hold her arm in his grasp. Charlie was able to stop her before she could even get a step away.
"I had half a bottle of fire whiskey for dinner and fell asleep with my mouth open. Let me brush my teeth first, woman."
Hermione's entire countenance relaxed after he made his confession. Realizing she wasn't actually being rejected, she laughed. The redness in her cheeks all but disappeared with the relieved smile that followed. It made him happy to know she was no longer upset being pushed away. Wanting nothing more than for her to stay, he pulled her all the way inside his flat so he could shut and lock the door. Hopefully, there would be no further misunderstandings.
"Asleep with your mouth open? Have you seen a Healer about your sinus passages?"
Glad to see she was in a teasing mood, Charlie shook his head with a grin. Maybe she had a point about the Healer, but it was hardly the time to give it much thought. Unless he was terribly mistaken, she wasn't there to discuss his health.
"Excuse me a minute, please."
Charlie set the box he was still somehow managing to hold down on the rickety table where he sometimes ate his meals if he bothered to cook. The half-empty bottle of fire whiskey had been left in the same place earlier in the evening when he decided he had had enough and just wanted to close his eyes for a few minutes.
"Don't take too long."
There was a promise in her voice that excited him far more than it should. Not wanting to waste another moment, he rushed to his bathroom. He was anxious to see what she had in mind after she kissed him, certain he was going to enjoy every single second. There was a nagging thought in the back of his mind that he should find out what was wrong with her before he let anything continue. It was the right course of action.
And he had every intention of talking first until she walked in the room with no shoes on and the zipper on her dress halfway down. Maybe they weren't even going to get to the conversation. With each step she made, more skin was on display as she continued to undress. Charlie could feel his eyes grow wider as he couldn't look away. Hermione chuckled when she saw him standing there with his toothbrush hanging half out of his mouth.
"What? It's been a long day. Let's take a shower."
It was then that he noticed she was holding the rest of his whiskey bottle. After turning the tap on in the shower, she stood naked on the cold tile floor and took a deep gulp of the hot and fiery liquid. Though he'd seen her drink before, he'd never seen her take a long swig straight from the bottle. Whatever was bothering her must have been serious.
"Hurry up. Don't forget your molars."
Spurred back into action by the cheeky grin she gave him as she stepped into the shower still clutching the bottle, Charlie did as he was told. Taking special care to scrub off anything left on his tongue, once he had his mouth rinsed, he removed his own clothing in a matter of just a few seconds. Standing there underneath the hot spray of water, Hermione took more deep gulps of the fire whiskey while she watched him with a smile that held a great deal of promise. Though Charlie knew there was something that had her upset, he began to think it was none of his business. If she wanted to tell him what was wrong, he would be glad to listen but he wouldn't push.
She held out the bottle to him the very moment he joined her in the confined shower. After already drinking so much on an empty stomach that he fell asleep for hours, he thought at first he should refuse another drop. Easier said than done of course. He knew he had a problem. The refusal on the tip of his tongue was easily drowned with his own deep drink.
Hermione wanted to forget why she was so upset. The bottle was hardly away from his mouth when she leaned up to kiss him again. There was no reason to push her away as he'd done at his front door. Tasting the fire whiskey on her tongue as well as his, he knew they were both far too intoxicated to think clearly. Moments like that, feeling was better, giving in to their base desires was preferable.
It had been far too long since he had a woman in his shower with him. He'd forgotten how much fun it could be. In Romania, unless he chose to go into the nearby town to rent a room for the night, the showers left a lot to be desired on the dragon reserve. Creaky, old pipes with water-heating spells that only worked half as often as they should, a romantic moment was virtually impossible. Not to mention there was usually some other impatient dragon keeper ready to pound on the door if they took too long. There wasn't much Charlie liked about his Diagon Alley flat, but the shower wasn't bad.
She seemed to want to be in control that night. There would be no complaints from him. Sometimes it was nice to just be told what to do and how to do it. Her kiss alone told him she also didn't want to talk. Maybe she thought they had done enough of that the day before. With her lips and tongue otherwise occupied, she put her hands to work sliding over every sliver of skin he possessed. At some point when his mind was focused elsewhere, she managed to grab his soap. Taking care that she didn't miss a spot, she soon had him lathered up. Charlie tried not to think of the last time a woman had made such an effort to wash him so thoroughly because he was nearly certain it was his mum when he was little and she was the last person he wanted to think about in that heated moment.
Special care and attention was especially paid to one particular part of his body that really needed no encouragement. From the very second she pushed into his flat, he'd been hard and ready to go. Never before did he need much to get him ready, even less since they started sneaking around to dark, forgotten corners. Just a look from the witch could get him in the right frame of mind regardless of where they were. That was a compliment he couldn't give just anyone. Decades had come and gone since he was a third year doomed to catch a stiffy at the slightest breeze.
The sudden dropping of the woman to her knees was a startling surprise. For the briefest of moments he worried she'd slipped and might be injured. One determined tug was all he needed to be reassured that everything was fine. Better than fine. Feeling her lips close around him and draw him deeper into the warm cavern of her delightful mouth was nearly enough to make him lose all control. Only the reminder that he wasn't ready for the encounter to be over and he had at least some practice in controlling himself kept him from giving in to the urge.
She possessed a lot of talents that were kept hidden from the world at large. It meant a great deal to him whether he realized it or not that she was willing to share some of them with him. Unsure how long it all lasted, he could hardly hold a coherent thought in his head with her tongue and hand and lips working in tandem to draw him ever closer to complete madness. All he could do was stare down at the remarkable sight on the bottom of his shower floor and be grateful that he hadn't slept through the knocking on his front door.
When she was ready to move on to the next phase of their latenight adventure, he had no complaints. Whatever she desired, he would do what he could to make it possible. No words were necessary to describe what she wanted. Hadn't they gotten past those when they were alone? Standing up to her feet, careful not to slip on the wet tile, she turned her back towards him. Over her shoulder she gave him a cheeky grin he was more than willing to return with one of his own.
Being intimate in the shower with a partner wasn't always the easiest of tasks. There were a lot of variables that could either enhance or impede the pleasure it promised. Height differences made for the biggest challenge. It wasn't as simple as the naughty films made it seem. But, there was never a person who was more willing to try his damnedest than Charlie. All it took was her placing her palms against the wall and leaning forward just enough that with a firm grip on her hips, they could continue to forget what was happening in the world outside the steamy, glass enclosure.
So primed was he that the first determined slide inside her ready body nearly made him come undone again. How could one person have such an effect on him to make him feel like he reverted back to being a randy teenager who was always only a stiff breeze away from embarrassing himself in his pants? It was an intoxicating feeling, one he thought he had long ago outgrown. Determined to prove that he was a man capable of great acts when he was asked, his next thrust might have been a little harder than he planned. Instead of a complaint, all he heard was a deep moan that encouraged him to repeat with the same intensity.
"Yes. Just like that, Charlie. You're being such a good boy."
There was something fundamentally wrong with him that words like that only made him want to work even harder to hear them again. Had he not heard enough praise when he was growing up? Confusing thoughts if he allowed them to continue. That was neither the time nor the place. Ignoring his concerns that he was somehow broken and unable to be repaired, he chose instead to lose himself in the experience.
Nothing that amazing could last forever. Despite being one of the longest showers of his entire life, he was disappointed when they both had to reluctantly step out from underneath the hot spray of water. Watching her grab the towel hanging off the rack brought him crashing back to reality. He remembered how upset she had been when Hermione first pushed into his flat. Was she all right? Had he been enough of a distraction? Should he have allowed her to use him like that? He wanted to know what brought her to his flat so late at night.
Once she was dry, she tossed the towel at him. He nearly dropped it on the floor. Following the trail of her discarded clothing, she got dressed. He was just steps behind her the entire way. His concern only grew.
"What's your hurry? You don't have to leave now."
Hermione laughed as she stepped into the shoes she left in the other room. Fully dressed again, she reached for the front door.
"This is all just sex, remember? I can't make you love me."
She winked at him just before she disappeared out into the corridor. The sound of the door closing seemed much louder than it should have been. When he started to rush after her, forgetting for the moment that he was still naked, he had to stop himself. She was right. They had an agreement. Just sex. Nothing else.
Hermione
A headache unlike any she had had for years threatened to burst Hermione's head in two when she woke up the next morning. Why had she been foolish enough to mix the fire whiskey with the wine? It had been a long time since she drank so much in one evening. Not to mention that the combination of the drinks was terrible. She was far too old to try to drink like she was in her twenties.
All she wanted to do was lay in bed with the blankets over her head and try not to succumb to the desire for death. Each beat of her heart seemed to make her skull throb. Going into the office with its terrible lighting and near constant hum of noise sounded just like torture. Could she send an owl with her regrets and promise that she would be there the next day? No. She knew it would look badly on her if she didn't show up.
Somehow she was able to make it to the office at her usual time. Sheer determination, most likely. Expecting it to likely be one of the longest days of her career, Hermione settled into her desk chair with a heavy sigh. A stack of parchment materialized on her desk after she left the night before that she had no desire to touch. Unfortunately, she knew she had to keep herself busy if she wanted to survive the day. Grabbing the first one off the top, she sighed again.
She had only been in her office for about ten minutes when there was a knock on her open door frame. Assuming without looking up that it was Kingsley there to check on her after her abrupt departure from their date, she felt a nervous churning in her stomach. She wasn't ready to see him yet. After their serious discussion at the restaurant, she knew she was going to have to end the relationship with the charming man before it got too serious. There was less of a chance of him getting hurt that way. She wished she hadn't agreed to go with him on his next work trip. How was she going to get out of that?
"How are you feeling?"
There was a note of amusement in Charlie's voice that put her instantly at ease. She looked up to find the wizard leaning against the frame with a smirk that really should have been illegal. It only made him look even more attractive than he already was. She rolled her eyes but still smiled.
"Like I shouldn't have mixed two different kinds of alcohol."
"Thought so."
He stepped inside her office to place a vial of hangover potion on her desk.
"I could kiss you right now. Thank you."
He laughed as she swallowed every single drop. Just as it had been years since she last indulged so much, it had been as long since she last felt the need to keep a stock of that particular potion on hand. Instantly, she began to feel much better.
"I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the rest of the day."
When Charlie pulled the door shut behind him and then took a seat in the chair across from her desk, she was surprised. Clearly he wasn't in a rush to leave. She wasn't annoyed that he remained, only confused. Was he using her as an excuse to not have to work? It was no secret he hated his job. Everyone knew it. He wasn't the kind to be happy behind a desk. She expected he wouldn't last long at the Ministry and already she was sad about the day he would leave.
"You said something last night."
Hermione wasn't sure where their conversation was going to go. There were a number of options, none of them all that great. She didn't remember saying anything much beyond 'yes', 'fuck yes', and 'don't you dare stop'. There were also countless 'there's a good boy' and 'well dones' in there too. Nothing to cause alarm. Had she said more than she intended and didn't remember because of the alcohol?
"What did I say?"
"You said you were going to die alone."
The memory of what she said when he first opened the door to his flat came rushing back. Unfortunately, she remembered and regretted saying those very words. Usually she managed to keep her more morbid thoughts to herself. Though she absolutely believed the truth in what she said, she knew it was an uncomfortable truth that most didn't want to be faced with.
"I was very drunk. You can't believe a word I said in that state, Charlie."
It was evident just by the concerned expression on his face that he didn't believe her nor did she think he was going to just let it go. Why else would he have closed the door and taken a seat? He was in no rush to leave.
"Something happened last night that made you say that. Based on the chocolate cake I had for breakfast this morning, I'd say it happened on your date with Kingsley."
Weasleys were stubborn. She learned that lesson a long time ago. While it could be an endearing trait in the right situation, it could also be terribly frustrating. Until he was satisfied with the answer she gave him, he wasn't going to let up. She would have to tell him something whether she wanted to or not.
"Kingsley admitted last night that he wants to be a father."
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she realized that she wanted to talk about it. For so long she lived with her secrets, never daring to share them with others. Ron knew, of course. So did his mum. She'd cried on Molly's shoulder more than once. Maybe the entire family did too, but somehow, she didn't think so. Even in that family there were still subjects that were kept private. And Charlie seemed surprised to learn the details of her breakup with his youngest brother. Feeling like she could trust him with her confidence, she took a deep breath.
"It's always the same. I start to date a wizard that I really like and I start to have hope that maybe there is a future between us. Then they make a comment about wanting children. It never fails. That's when I know I have to end it."
She wished it wasn't the case, but she couldn't bear to see the same disappointment she saw in Ron's eyes in another man's. It was too much. It made her feel too broken and damaged and wrong. Nothing that happened to her body was in her control. As much as she knew that, she still couldn't shake the feeling of inadequacy that plagued her as a woman.
"Did you tell Kingsley how you felt? He would understand."
Of course he would. He would say all the right words and do all the right things. It was the sort of man he was. She tried to smile, but it fell flat on her lips. After another deep sigh, she admitted what she felt like was the worst part, the part that made her even more defective as a woman.
"Kingsley would be upbeat and though he might be disappointed on the inside, he would never show it. He would say something about how there were other options, how we could adopt. Yes, we certainly could, but I have gotten to the point where I'm at peace with not having children of my own. I don't… well, if I'm perfectly honest, I don't want children any longer."
She dared to look up at Charlie's face to see exactly what he thought about her confession. Only two people in the entire world had ever heard her say the same before. One was a complete stranger she met on holiday who tried over and over to convince her that she would one day change her mind. She hadn't. The other, surprisingly, was none other than Molly Weasley. Expecting the older witch to have the same reaction as the strange woman in the pub, Hermione was surprised to see the kind smile on Molly's face as she nodded and explained that she understood.
"Not everyone is supposed to be a parent and that's okay."
Charlie's response wasn't what she expected. She wished more people felt that way. Lots of well-meaning people in her life liked to give her advice on how she could one day become a mother. She wished they would all stop. It was all so frustrating. If she could be at peace with not being a mother, why couldn't they?
"If that's how you feel, then you need to let Kingsley down easy and soon."
He was right. Stringing the Minister along believing there might be a future between them was wrong. Kingsley deserved far more than that. She should have remained at the restaurant the night before to tell him the full truth instead of running away like a scared child.
"You're not alone, Hermione. Don't think that because you've decided you don't want children that there is anything wrong with you. A lot of people feel that way. And isn't it better for someone to know they don't want children than to feel forced into being a parent when they don't want to be?"
"I'm not opposed to children. I don't hate them."
He chuckled.
"I know you don't. That's obvious. If you did, you would never go to another of my family's parties again. Every time you turn around, there's another new Weasley toddling around."
"I just don't want to be a mother. Some people believe that's unnatural."
"Their opinion doesn't matter. It's your life. And maybe some of them are just trying to convince themselves they're supposed to want to be a parent because they're miserable and part of them wishes they never had children."
The simple shrug of his shoulders made her smile. How was he so able to put her at ease with just a few words?
"I should go to my desk."
Before Charlie exited the office, she stopped him to say something that was heavy on her mind.
"You're a good friend, Charlie. Thank you."
She meant every word. The thought that she might have gone the rest of her life without knowing what a good man he was if they hadn't stumbled upon each other in the back garden of his parents' house that night months earlier made her sad. He just smiled and walked out leaving the door open like he first found it.
Just a few minutes later there was another knock on her open door. Expecting he had something else he had forgotten to say, she didn't even look up to see who it was.
"Did you have some more pearls of wisdom you forgot to share?"
Hearing Kingsley's laugh made her instantly embarrassed.
"Has someone been offering you unsolicited advice?"
She tried to wave it off, but it was obvious the man was curious. A fellow Gryffindor, he could be stubborn and unable to let a subject drop.
"Several well-meaning, I'm sure, coworkers have been full to bursting with all sorts of advice for me since our picture appeared in the newspaper. No one, it seems, believes me capable of having a mature relationship, I suppose."
Kingsley grimaced at the choice of her words.
"'Mature relationship'? That makes me feel at least a hundred years old."
She laughed, only then realizing that even the handsome, intelligent Minister for Magic had some of his own insecurities. It was easy to assume he was confident about everything.
"You're not old, Kingsley."
He smiled. Any woman would be lucky to have his attention. Why did she feel a sinking in her stomach? Maybe because Charlie was right. She needed to break off her relationship with Kingsley before it got too serious. Hurting him was the last thing she would ever want to do. She cared too much about him.
"I've taken the liberty of having your schedule cleared for the rest of the week."
Hermione was confused by his announcement. He smiled again.
"A very interesting opportunity has presented itself and I want you to join me. Our portkey leaves in the morning."
Seeing how excited he was, she knew she made a mistake the moment he kissed her cheek and excused himself to attend a full session of the Wizengamot. She should have told him she couldn't go.