Chapter 23
They rode quickly and made it to TonDC in good time. Anya hadn't lied. Luna was waiting on them in their prepared huts with a large batch of rabbit stew. It was late, so Lexa ordered for them all to sleep and rest. They would meet tomorrow with Gaia and begin talking about what was to come. She knew that they were eager, but they all needed to rest. Clarke agreed with her and went into the hut before anyone could say anything.
Luna welcomed her with a bowl and ushered her to sit down at the table. Raven, Anya, Lexa, and Echo followed her. Octavia would have, but she mentioned something about guards to Lexa before walking away. Lexa watched her and wondered if there was something that she missed about the younger warrior. She shook it off as she took her seat around the table and dug into her own bowl of rabbit stew.
After her second bowl, she smiled at Luna and thanked her for the stew. Luna preened a little under her approval and appraisal. Lexa wanted to laugh at her sister, but she knew how much Luna liked being praised for anything that wasn't political or war related. And, Lexa could even admit that Luna's cooking was elite. Echo seemed a little upset by Clarke's praise, but a calm hand against her forearm from Clarke soothed her. She looked at the blonde and just nodded. Lexa knew that she might never understand the love and dynamic between them, but she would always be thankful for it.
Echo cleaned up while everyone else moved through the hut to sit closer to the fire. Clarke was distracted. No one said anything though. Lexa figured that the blonde was planning something out or just enjoying the fact that they weren't inside the wire of Arkadia. She had seen, and felt, how tense being there made Clarke. From what little that Echo and Octavia had told her, she had come to realize that Clarke had indeed "gone native" and didn't like being cooped up. Lexa knew that Clarke was suffering in silence so that she could save the few innocents inside the mountain. It made her love Clarke even more. Her devotion to the people was absolute and unwavering, even when they didn't deserve it.
Luna, Raven, and Anya sat on a rough couch. Echo sat on the hearth by the fire and tended it, almost as an afterthought. Lexa and Clarke were sitting together on another small couch that faced the larger one. There were two chairs, but they were both empty. They watched as Clarke looked around the room. The hut was large, larger than any she'd been in before. They all saw the moment that she realized this.
"Who's hut is this?" Clarke asked them.
"It is yours, Prisa," Luna answered.
"Mine?"
"Sha, Leska and I started building it here in TonDC shortly after her ascention. She wanted you to have a somewhere to live that would be comfortable and also close enough to both where Arkadia would be built and Polis. TonDC was the perfect place for it," Luna told her.
"But, I told her that it couldn't be for just you, Prisa," Echo added. "This is the house of the Twel. There are rooms for us all. Some are doubled up or more."
There was a smile of Luna's face at the last statement.
"This is our house?" Clarke questioned.
"Sha, Prisa. This is our house," Echo answered. "Luna, Raven and Anya have there room. Lexa and you share a room, the largest of course. Indra and Gaia share, and only because Indra doesn't need all this extravagance. Your mother's rooms are closest to Nyko's hut. She has a back door and healers' items in hers. There is a small armory that doubles as Octavia's room. Emori and Murphy's room is just off the kitchen. I stay in the attic and keep watch most of the time, but there is a bed."
"What about Madi?" Clarke inquired.
"She sleeps with whoever she wants. There is room with all of us to keep her and protect her," Anya told her. "But, Luna insisted on building her own room to grow into. It is a goufa's room. I put it between your room and ours."
Clarke just nodded. Their little family had a home. She smiled. She felt safe there and protected with all them.
The same feelings that came over her during the storm came over her again as she looked around at them. Sure, they weren't all there tonight, but they were all in TonDC and cared for. And, she knew that if she asked, the others would come and stay too. They just wanted her all to be comfortable. There would be time for them to all move in and claim their rooms. For now, she could just admire the work that that Luna and Anya put into it.
"Mochaf," Clarke told them.
"Lexa made sure that it was surround in the village too. Nyko is nearby. The barracks are just meters away. The generals that have homes in TonDC are stationed around it. She's really claimed it as Heda's house. Some called the Little Palace," Luna teased. "But, Indra doesn't stay here unless Lexa is in the village. The rest of the time, she is in her own hut. It is close by, too."
Clarke giggled a little at the name. She knew how much Lexa didn't like all the trappings of the Tower in Polis, but Lexa had learned to use it to her advantage when needed. She had no doubt that she did the same in TonDC.
"Do you wish to go to sleep now, Prisa?" Anya asked her, looking deep into her blue eyes.
Clarke felt like Anya was searching for something inside her soul. She gave Anya a small smile and took Lexa's hand. Luna and Anya were the only ones that responded to Clarke's showing of PDA with Lexa and Lexa not responding. The two older warrior women smiled at Lexa and nodded. There was nothing to be said. They enjoyed seeing this side of Lexa, the one that didn't take all of Titus' teachings to heart, the kind warrior who loved with her whole heart. They knew how merciful and ruthless that Lexa could be, but this made her more human and less godlike to the people. They all hoped that they continued to show these sides to the people. The people already loved them both, but this would just make them love Wanheda en heda more, paving the way for their leadership and survival of Praimfaya.
"No, I'm not quite ready for bed."
Echo turned from the fire and looked at her. She could tell that Clarke was pondering something, but she wasn't sure what it was. As their eyes met, there was a subtle conversation. She knew that Clarke was tired, but it was obvious that she wanted to talk about something with those that were there. Looking around, she realized that Octavia hadn't come back to join them yet. When she met Clarke's eyes again, there was recognition.
"Let her be."
"Do you need her?" Echo asked her.
"No, I don't. Not tonight. This doesn't have anything to do with her and she knows that."
"Will she be okay, though?"
"She will. She needs this time with Indra and possibly Lincoln. As much as they are lovers, they are friends and sparring partners. Unlike you, she doesn't get to keep him throughout our rebirths and lives. She always loses him. Let her have this time with him."
"If you are sure, Prisa," Echo replied.
Clarke could tell that Echo was still worried about her, though. It made the blonde wonder if there was more between them than she realized. In the last few lives, it seems that Echo had moved on from Bellamy and didn't try to pursue him more than just a good romp or a tryst. Echo was determined not to fall into the trap that Bellamy had become. He needed to be kept in check, but Echo wasn't the one to do it. If she was, he would be dead several times over. She just couldn't deal with his betrayals and ideology against the Grounders. Somehow, he failed them all. She was glad that he was different this time around because he had his mother and Gina. She knew that Echo was hoping for the same thing. It hurt Octavia in every life that she lost him, figuratively and literally. Clarke cocked her head as she looked at her more fully. Maybe, Octavia was the Blake that Echo needed. A small smile crossed her lips and she nodded. Echo's worry was real and she was acknowledging it. It was enough for Echo to stand down about Octavia for the time being.
"Um, Clarkey, I love you and all, but you want to share with the rest of the class?" Raven asked her.
"Octavia is with Indra and Lincoln. There is nothing to worry about, Rae. She's fine," Clarke told her, glossing over the quick conversation that she'd had with Echo.
Raven seemed to be appeased for the moment. She looked to Echo, as the older woman turned back to the fire and tended to it. When she was happy, Echo stood and moved across the room to one of the chairs and sat. She put herself in a position to protect them all. She would be the first line of defense for anyone who dared to come into the hut without permission. Raven saw it, but there was something else to it. And, it rankled her to no end. Raven liked puzzles, but Echo was a puzzle, wrapped in a riddle, covered in a enigma, with a dose of paradox, and splash of conundrum for good measure. Echo was a walking, talking, fighting brainteaser of a mystery, and the only two that seemed to have solved her were Clarke and Octavia. Shaking off her questions, Raven turned back to Clarke and decided to let it go. She knew that she would have all of Praimfaya to figure out their dynamics and learn more about Echo.
"Prisa, do you need anything?" Luna asked her as she saw a lot of different emotions fly over Clarke's face.
Luna was at loss when it came to Clarke. She only had the stories that Echo and Octavia had told them in the last life. Then she has what little bit that Raven and Abby had added once they were in the bunker. She knew that it wasn't a complete history. It couldn't be, and seeing her now, like this, Luna felt for the blonde. She knew that Lexa loved her, but she was beginning to wonder if that was enough. She was surrounded by people that cared for her, yearned to help her, and were willing to die for her if need be. And, then there was Madi.
When she had seen Clarke with her, she saw how quickly Clarke could turn. It wasn't a bad thing. She'd seen many mothers do the same over the years. But, the ferocity that Clarke displayed was second to none. There was no parallel to it, not even from Lexa. It was like she was possessed. She read stories about mothers and warriors that took on a sort of demonic strength and heroism to protect their people and children, but seeing it in Clarke made it more real for her. Clarke wasn't exactly like the Berserkers of old, but she was close enough as Wanheda. And knowing that she had spent lives studying and learning all the Grounder tactics and fighting styles, she knew that while Clarke looked weak and young, she was not. If she had been anyone else, Luna was sure that she would be begging Lexa to destroy her before she destroyed them all. While Luna knew that she could take Lexa on any given day, should the mood arise, Clarke wasn't someone that she would even dare tempt to such a fate. Luna was smart enough to realize that Clarke scared her when it came to Madi, and to Lexa. Her devotion and demands for mercy would be legendary, as would her scorched Earth vengeance upon those who wronged her or her people.
Clarke looked over at Luna and smiled. Memories flooded her brain. If she was going to talk, this would be the place to do it. Here she was surrounded by love and family. She knew that they wouldn't judge her for what she had done, because it had led them all to this point. They were making a difference. She could see it in Echo and Octavia's eyes as something new came up for all of them. They were going to succeed, and she knew that they were all working together in order to make sure that they did. Memories were their blueprints to build off of and to learn from, and Clarke had the most of them all.
"No, not at the moment. I have everything that I need for the next few days here," Clarke answered. "There is so much that we need to discuss and prepare for. Updates that we need to know about and timelines that we need to follow. I know that we are all in agreement in what needs to be done, but we also have different reason for doing it. Everyone also has their own insights into how we get these preparations done and in place before Praimfaya hits in six months."
"That much is true," Luna replied. "But, what do you need from us, now?"
"Patience and understanding. I know that I might do some things that seem odd, evil, or downright just out there, but I promise that I have reason for it all. We are doing a lot on multiple fronts. We are going to have to thin out and trust those that don't have reason to trust us. We can do this, but only if we work together and remain united. Lexa has to be seen as the architect of this all or we will fail because she will fall. I cannot and will not let that happen," Clarke answered. "But, in order for us to remain loyal to each other, I have to share the truths of my lives with all of you."
"Have we ever given you reason to doubt us before?" Lexa asked as she squeezed Clarkes hand.
"Yes, you have, but generally, all of you with good reason. Lexa betrayed me at the Mountain. Luna betrayed us all for the right to the Polis bunker. Anya, well, honestly, you just wanted me dead from the beginning but you realized that we could help you defeat the Mountain. Echo tried to kill Octavia, myself, and others on multiple occasions, but she was also the first one to support and train me. She fought by myside in Azgeda. Raven didn't always understand what was I doing and why, even tried to stop me a few times, but due to Finn's betrayal to her, she begged me to kill Lexa. When I didn't, she found ways to make my life a living hell, which it already was at that point, until Lexa tried to kill her, and I save her ass," Clarke explained.
"I told you to pick me first, but you didn't listen," Raven teased. "And, we both know I could have made you go boom if I wanted. So, there must have been a reason that I didn't. I might not like all the death and destruction, but I know that sometimes, we have to sacrifice the few to save the many."
"It was a hard lesson for Octavia as well, Rae," Clarke replied. "But, I never blamed you for it. I understood it. I expected it. I was doing the best that I could with what I had and the limited knowledge that I had at the time. Now, I have more knowledge and I don't plan on letting us all die, again."
"And, we all appreciate that, Clarkey," Raven told her. "But, if you are worried about us, you don't have to be. We've all got your back, Princess."
"She's right, Klark."
"I know that, Lexa. But, that doesn't mean that I can keep everything from you, either," Clarke started. She looked around the room at each of them. "You've pledged your life to me, to help me save all of Mankind, and I do not take that lightly. We've all suffered over the years, but while I remember it all, none of you do. You're blessed that way. But, now, you know what it is like to live one life, die, and be reborn to live it again. I've have sentenced you to this hellscape, and now, together, we are going to find a way to survive it together. This isn't the life that I wanted for any of you, but you all willingly took the blood and attached yourselves to me. So, in return, I need to give you something."
"You don't," Echo replied.
"But, I do. I owe each of you the truth of the lives that we may have spent together, lives that you know nothing about, but lives that I use to judge you, use you, and make things happen, so that I get the outcome that I desire. This is all about my desire," Clarke lamented. "I became Death to not only save my people, save my family, but to save Lexa. I felt like I couldn't go on without her. I tried, but those lives...they sucked. Everything I have done is to save Lexa, so that she can help me save Man. It is selfish."
"Who cares?" Luna inquired. "If your selfishness saves all of us, who cares? We are doing this because we want a better life. We know of the stories and the legends. Your own people even started to believe in the bunker in our last life, Clarke. Of course, there will always be hold outs, but even your people started to believe in the power of Wanheda and her power over Death. It is no coincidence that we were all brought together. The legends foretold it. And, while you might not believe in the power completely, you are starting to embrace it more. For those of us who are part of the Twel and those from the Ground that know of the legends and myths of Wanheda, they will see what they need to see. You cannot stop that."
"No, but I can cultivate it," Clarke lamented again. "I already have with you, my Twel. I learned you, studied you, and figured out to get you on myside. But, I can say through it all, I loved you. That has never changed. I always love you."
"What are you afraid to tell us, Prisa?" Lexa questioned.
"I'm not afraid of telling you anything. I just think that I should tell you all some more. My life with Echo on the Ice Fields was just one life. And, it is true that Lexa dies is most of them before me, but there is one life..."
"Prisa?" Luna urged probingly.
"My life with Anya was peaceful and loving. It started out quite differently, but we were happy. And, I used that information to make her see the truth in front of her," Clarke started. "Anya has always been weary of me. She's had reason. I am usually the reason that Lexa is killed. And, while she trusts me now, that wasn't and isn't always the case. Many times we have fought, but I can honestly say that I never brought up Rokam before this life. It just wasn't my place, but I knew...I knew that if I uttered that name, that Anya would fold and join the fray. She been tittering, but with that push, she full committed."
"Will you tell me about this life you shared with me and Rokam?" Anya asked her, almost shyly.
"I will tell you, yes," Clarke answered. "Echo, make some tea. It might be a long night. This tale is long, and Anya deserves to know about the son we shared."
"Sha, Prisa," Echo said as she started moving around the room.
"Wait, what? You had a child with my woman? And, you're just now telling her about it? Well, telling us about it?" Raven questioned. "What the hell, Clarke?"
"Like I said, I've lived many lives and loved all of you. I've been with Anya, Echo, Octavia, and Luna, Rae. Is it so hard to believe that I would have a child with them? Or, is it because I was with your women first?"
"Don't tease me, Clarkey. I can still make you go boom," Raven replied. "I might just do it."
"Trust me, it was never like that. While I loved Anya in that life, I still mourned Lexa. She did manage to live longer though."
"When did all of this start then," Raven inquired. "In that timeline, at least."
"Did you tell them about how Anya and I escaped the Mountain?" Clarke asked Echo.
"I don't think so, but Octavia did, I'm pretty sure. That would have been something that she was a little more privy to than me. While, I've been rebirthing longer, she was closer to you."
"True," Clarke answered. "Get comfortable. This isn't as devastating as the Ice Fields, but there are some very interesting things that happen. And, once I tell this, you cannot use it against me or anyone in the story. ANY OF YOU."
"Why are you looking at me?" Raven asked.
"You tend to hold grudges, Niron," Luna stated as she brushed her fingers through Raven's hair. "Tell us your story, Clarke. It will stay between us."