19: Zanarkand II

"How can you stand it?" Gippal's question broke the contemplative silence.

Rikku's feet slowed; they were nearing the Dome, and had been traveling through Zanarkand for the greater part of the afternoon. "Stand what?"

"This. All of this. It's so empty. All ruins are empty, but this place is something else. It might be peaceful, but there's no hope here. No life. Everything feels so dead."

It was true; so much had happened and so much had been lost in the City of the Dead that the atmosphere was oppressive. The river of pyreflies still twisted lazily overhead, a permanent reminder of the utter sacrifice the city had suffered at Yu Yevon's hands. She felt a kinship towards the millions of unknown souls trapped in the sky, so deeply entrenched in their eternal dream that they'd lost all semblance of their former humanity. Even with the hope the Dome held for Auron, the entire city was still a stark reminder of the dark stain on Spira's history that halted the natural cycle of life for over a thousand years.

Auron, understandably, wasn't much better off, considering how close he was to becoming one of the fiends that haunted Zanarkand. He'd initially expressed his surprise at how fiend-free the city was; when Rikku explained the Guardians' periodic sweeps of the city, he'd grunted in approval and then withdrawn into morose silence. In part, she guessed it was because he was thinking of the non-zero possibility that he would one day put Paine's swordsmanship to the test.

It was more than just that, though. She could tell by the way he would pause at certain moments, looking at familiar landmarks stoically. Those moments revealed more than his expressionless face did. In every nook and cranny of Zanarkand were memories of Braska's final journey and the loss of the family the four of them had created together through their Pilgrimage.

Jecht, too, was less boisterous than usual. These ruins were the basis for his own lost home. They were even more decrepit than the first time he'd seen them due to the brief transformation of the site into a tourist attraction. Technically, it was Yu Yevon's home and not Jecht's that had been destroyed. Still, Jecht loved it enough to grow a twisted facsimile of Dream Zanarkand inside of Sin's body. For him, the city was more than just a place – it was a visceral reminder of what he'd decided to become and the people he'd sacrificed to bring an end to Spira's cycle of destruction.

Gippal carried none of that baggage with him. Though he was initially shocked by the sphere-like playbacks of other peoples' memories, he soon acclimated to the periodic disturbances of their hike. At best, Zanarkand was a site that might have been rich for mining its technology, if not for the protections Isaaru had placed on the city after Yuna's open dismay. Now all that remained were the remnants that made the entire area anathema to the Al Bhed – religion, sacrifice, pyreflies, and more memories of loss than could be held by any one person.

"I swear, this place is a buzz killer like nothing else I've ever seen," Gippal continued, scratching his ear. "It's like someone threw a wet blanket over the bunch of you. Doctor P could've at least left us a fiend or two to break up the monotony."

Auron glared over his shoulder at Gippal. "Many people died here. Show some respect."

Gippal's eye narrowed as he shrugged, adjusting the mortar over his shoulder. "I'm trying to. I'm just wondering when Rikku forgot."

Leave me out of it! Rikku mentally shouted. "Forgot what?" she asked instead.

"Forgot that the best way to remember someone's passing is to celebrate their life, not drag yourself after them like you're one of the dead." He paused. "Uh, sorry Auron. No offense?"

Auron grunted and turned away, frowning. "We're almost at the dome anyway. Maybe you'll find that distracting enough to keep you entertained." His words dripped with sarcasm.

"Both of ya, put a sock in it." Jecht stepped between them, crossing his arms. "Look, I ain't gonna argue that Auron is the biggest killjoy around –"

"Jecht," Auron growled.

"But ya gotta understand the man's position. He lost everything here. Twice! Now he's tryin' to keep it from happenin' a third time. You don't know how much's at stake for him."
Auron's face was beginning to contort, but Jecht continued on blithely.
"Look here, son. If we don't get this ritual right, he's gonna face somethin' worse than death."
"Hey, you don't have to say it like that –" Rikku began, certain he was talking about Auron's descent into fiendish madness.

"He ain't ever gonna get it on with his girl again if we mess it up! There ain't nothin' to celebrate 'bout that!"
Rikku felt her face turning beet red as she buried it in her hands.

"… I can't tell you how thrilled I am to have you as my advocate," Auron deadpanned, glaring at Jecht.

"Hey, no problem. I got you, buddy!" Jecht gave him a thumbs up and sent a nasty scowl towards Gippal, whose eyebrows had climbed to new heights on his forehead.

"Riiight. Well, good looking out for him, I guess." Gippal actually seemed to be sobered by Jecht's over-enthusiastic defense. "You make the weirdest friends, Rikku."

"I know." She stomped past them and towards the Dome, her head down. "I can't believe you!" she groused at Jecht.

"Wha? 'ey, Blondie, what'd I do?" Jecht kept pace with her, to her annoyance. "Listen, fume all ya like, but you're gonna have to stop if ya want Braska to show up. Maybe we should walk into the dome holdin' hands, like we did at Macalania?"

Speed-walking towards the Dome's entrance and ignoring him, she patted her cheeks repeatedly, trying to remove the fierce blush staining them. Finally she whirled around and snatched Jecht's hand up none-too-gently. "Ugh!" she yelled, yanking him through the entranceway. "You actually joked about my sex life in front of both Auron and Gippal! I haven't been this embarrassed since mmph–!"

Her words cut off as someone grabbed her from behind and spun her around – directly into a kiss. Flailing in surprise, she beat at the familiar set of arms holding her close; she recognized her assailant. She would have yelled, too, but the tongue Braska inserted into her mouth was proving to be problematic to her verbal protests.

"Hey B! Like your new look!" Jecht's voice held a note of amusement as he eyed the pair of them. "Thanks for backin' up my argument. See, Blondie? An eternity of never gettin' lucky will really mess your head up. Case in point. But, uh… can I let go o' your hand now? This is just as disturbin' as the first time he did it."
Braska raised his head. "It's nice to see you again, Jecht. Yes, you can let go now, the pyreflies are plentiful enough to sustain me here."
"Hey—" Rikku's protest died out as Braska bent his head back down and resumed kissing her. She continued to half-heartedly try to pry him off of her, feeling his lips twitching into a smile as he continued the enthusiastic kiss. At the edge of her vision she saw the others entering the Dome and staring at them in shock. This jerk… he's doing it on purpose! It didn't help that Braska was still an expert at seduction; despite her protests, she could feel her knees turning into jelly under his thorough attention.

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" Auron's voice sliced through her awareness more sharply than any sword could, suddenly bringing feeling – and not the good kind – tingling down her back and locking her knees.

"Whoa there, easy Auron! He's the one who jumped her first. 'Sides… I think Rikku just broke the kid. Lookit him!"

Peeling Braska off of her lips, Rikku peeked at them and winced. Jecht's hand was on Auron's shoulder. Auron's face was thunderous, though at least he was directing that heart-stopping glare towards Braska. Gippal, on the other hand, had frozen completely at the entrance to the Dome. His mortar fell to his feet with a dull thunk.

"Uhh, am I missing some context here? Isn't that Yuna's dad?" He caught himself and turned his shocked gaze onto Rikku. "Isn't that Yuna's dad?" he repeated, this time with some amused censure. "What sort of a Pilgrimage did you guys go on, anyway?"

"Not that kind!" Rikku squeaked, pushing away from Braska's chest. He finally released her, though he kept an arm around her waist. "What the heck, Braska?! How are you here already? And really? You finally get a chance to appear in front of all of us and that's the first thing you do?"

"You know how I'm here." A smile graced Braska's lips. "Both you and Jecht must have wanted to see me very badly. Although you did bring a full complement of suitors with you this time. I had to get in while I had a chance." He said it so easily, his expression remaining pious despite the hand that was inching towards her butt. Belatedly, she noticed that Braska was still dressed as he'd been the last time she'd left him in the dome; the unique combination of clothing and hairstyle that she'd never once seen him wear during his life. "I really must thank you," he continued, though he spoke to Jecht. "With your presence here, I feel more complete than I ever have before. I suppose my excitement overwhelmed me."

"Just as it did the last time Rikku visited?" Auron asked sharply, shaking Jecht off. His face was a mixture of emotions; fury and frustration, but not really surprise. Rikku's heart softened; she knew Auron well enough by now to know just how brittle his tough shell really was.

"Hey," she whispered to Braska. "I'm glad you're happy to see me, but someone else missed you more, you know."

Braska released her and took a step towards Auron, his plastic smile softening into something more genuine. "Auron. I missed you as well." He reached out, but when Auron flinched away his smile faltered. "I know you, my friend. This isn't about Rikku or my lecherous behavior."

"You are an asshole." Auron's jaw twitched. "… But no, it isn't." He exhaled loudly through his nostrils, looking away, his eye still squinted in fury. "It was bad enough the way you left so abruptly the first time. Then you did it to me again, in the Farplane," he bit out. "Why should I show you any courtesy now, when you've never done the same for me?"

"I know my words will mean little in the face of the many wrongs I've done to you," Braska replied after a long moment. "But know this… for as long as you have been with Rikku, I, too, have been by your side. Her feelings are also a reflection of my own; she merely had the will to turn them into reality, whereas I… I was ever the coward."

"Obviously not with her."

Braska glanced at Rikku. "Perhaps she taught me to take chances, and to be brave. Just as she did for you, too."

Auron's jaw worked. He turned to face Braska. "You. You absolute bastard. I dedicated most of my life to you. I mourned you after your death. I mourn you still, even as I am about to join you! My soul is just as forfeit as yours should we fail here. Even in this, I still follow in your footsteps."

Braska stepped closer, putting his arms around Auron's shoulders. "Yes… I know all of that. And that is precisely why I will do everything in my power to keep you from losing yourself this time. It is the only thing I have left that I can still do for you. I will try to save you regardless of how you feel about me." His tone gentled. "Though I would prefer if we could do this as friends once more. I have missed you terribly, Auron."

Auron covered his face with one of his hands. A fine tremor was running through his shoulders. "Bastard," he repeated, though his voice broke. "You're worse than Jecht."

"'Ey!" Jecht's protest was only half-hearted; a huge grin spread over his face as he watched them reconnect. "I ain't got nothin' to do with whatever's between the two o' you. Now kiss an' make up already."

Auron's head shot up at that, sending an angry glare towards Jecht. It lost its potency as Braska drew him in to a hug and held him there. "Braska, I—"

"Shush now, Auron," Braska chided him without looking up. "I am not asking anything of you. I simply wish to hold you in my arms. For the first time, and I hope not the last."

Auron reddened, but didn't push Braska off – something he could have easily done with his overwhelming strength. Instead, he squinted and placed a hand on Braska's back, returning the hug. "It's been eight years. You know fully well you're manipulating me again."

"As I told Rikku: I take what I can get," Braska said blithely, his hands beginning to roam.

With an annoyed grunt, Auron pushed him off. "Propriety. You used to have a sense of it."

"What can I say? Death is freeing."

A loud cough interrupted their banter. "Ooookay. Learning all sorts of things here that I never knew before," Gippal said, picking up his mortar. "Well, Lord Braska, you're a lot less dead than I expected you to be. I guess I should stop being surprised by now."

Braska faced Gippal. "Ah, welcome young man. It's good to finally meet one of Rikku's friends. Thank you for coming to our aid."

"It's… an honor, I think? I'm surrounded by legends." He scoffed. "You bunch are a lot less legendary than I expected, though. Never meet your heroes and all that. Also, every single one of you is calling me a kid! What's with that? I'm the same age as the rest of you, you know."

"Actually…" Braska began, his eyes crinkling into a smug smile, before Auron cuffed him on the shoulder.
"Behave."

Stepping into the Dome, Gippal stopped next to Rikku, raising an eyebrow. "You really weren't joking when you said you brought some people back from the Farplane, were you. This happy little reunion here?" He spread his arms. "This is why I'm never visiting that place, not ever. No offense."

"You already know you're being offensive," Auron deadpanned. "Why even bother saying it? … Kid."

"That was rude," Rikku shot back at Gippal. She couldn't stay upset at him, however; she knew in large part that his litany of snark was an attempt to deal with all the curveballs they were throwing at him. "But… thanks for coming with us anyway. I know you hate it here. But you're here, and that means something to me."

A heavy sigh escaped him. "Look… I'm just trying to keep you safe this time. No one wants to lose you again… and somebody has to represent the actual living, breathing people of Spira." A small, tired grin broke through. "You have this bad habit of forgetting us if we leave you alone for too long."

"A sentiment I actually share," Braska interjected, looking between her and Jecht. "For both of you. I sacrificed my life to give you and Jecht a chance to live yours. It pains me to see you withdrawing from that opportunity. It's not who either of you really are."

Both she and Jecht flinched at the reprimand; Jecht actually dropped his head and rubbed the back of his neck, wincing.

"Look man, I'm real sorry, but I still need a minute y'know? The things I went through… they were pretty heavy."

"All the more reason for you to rejoin the living and heal." Shaking his head, Braska sighed. "Come then. Follow me; standing here and immersing ourselves in our memories of the past will only lead to stagnation. It's good that this young man is here to break us free from the trap of nostalgia."

"Young," Gippal repeated, though he relaxed a little at Braska's open approval. "So hey… if I understand everything, we're here because we need a Fayth stone, right?" He trailed after the group with Braska in the lead, followed by Auron and Jecht. Rikku kept pace with Gippal, feeling vaguely guilty at having dragged him along for the ride. "Did they make them here or something?" he asked.

"In a manner of speaking," Braska replied evasively. "There is no shortage of Fayth stones to choose from. The Lady Yunalesca lived in Zanarkand as an Unsent for thousands of years. During that time she perfected the ritual for creating the Final Aeon," he explained. "The Church of Yevon had no knowledge of how to do this, for until Seymour went rogue no High Summoner ever lived to impart that knowledge to others."

"Right." Gippal passed the memory of young Seymour pleading with his mother. "And making Fayth stones is a part of this ritual? You just take a rock and… what, carve it up in an image of the summon you wanna become?"

"Not quite." Braska's exposition trailed off as they traveled deeper into the temple, heading for the Cloister. They made their way down the stairs, Gippal's incessant questioning reaching a lull as more and more memories – both of the Pilgrimages Rikku had gone on and those of summoners long dead – displayed themselves more and more frequently. As they stood around the elevator that led to the bottom of the temple, Gippal looked around at the crowd of ghostly figures waiting with them. He lingered on the 15-year-old Rikku, a frown on his face.
"You were so young. You shouldn't have had to go through all this." His frown became a grimace. "You'd think we would've learned after a thousand years, huh. Maybe we Al Bhed just don't know how to live without suffering anymore."

"It ain't just an Al Bhed thing," Jecht cut in, throwing an arm over Gippal's shoulder. "Y'know, I grew up in a world without sufferin'. A fake one, made by the guy who started all o' this madness. I miss it still, but…" His eyes grew distant and he let out a long breath. "You can't understand what sweetness tastes like if ya never had any bitter." He gave Gippal a heavy pat on the shoulder. "Nobody should have to go through what any o' us did… but we all came out better people on the other side 'cause of it, right?"

"That remains to be seen." Auron's dark interjection was heralded by the rumbling of the platform's arrival.

"Come now. You must have hope," Braska chided him. "We will see what I can do once we find a Fayth stone. And there are a multitude for you to choose from in Yunalesca's private sanctum."

As the platform shuddered and began its slow descent, Rikku thought about Braska's words. "It still feels a little weird going back there and just randomly choosing one."

"Weird?" Gippal frowned. "Why does choosing one sound like such a big deal if there are so many spares lying around?" The silence that fell was broken only by the echo of grinding rocks as the platform stopped. Gippal crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. "What aren't you guys telling me?"

"Fayth stones aren't made of stone," Auron said after a long moment. "They're made of the bodies of those who sacrifice themselves to become a Fayth."

Gippal froze. "Wait. When you say you gotta choose one, you mean—"

"Yes," Auron said, stepping off of the elevator and onto the floor. He stopped at the edge of Zaon's Fayth stone, looking down at the empty sculpture with a scowl. "The Final Summoning was a ritual of human sacrifice. I, who lack a body, am here to poach one." He raised his head and smiled mirthlessly at Gippal. "Still want to help us, boy?"

"You knew about this?" Gippal turned to Rikku, his face pale. "This was your big plan?"

Rikku balled her fists. "I know, okay? I already know. But I'm selfish, and I wanted to make something good out of the remains of what we'd already lost." Gippal still looked furious, but Braska raised his hand.
"Allow me to explain. At the end of their Pilgrimage, summoners were forced to sacrifice one of their own guardians to create the Final Aeon. And when they fought and defeated Sin, that aeon would become the next host of Yu Yevon – the greatest Unsent summoner of all time – killing the summoner in the process." Following after Auron, Braska stood at the foot of the Fayth stone, looking down at it. "And when the next High Summoner defeated Sin, the previous Final Aeon would also die, leaving behind nothing more than these empty husks."

"There is no way for the dead to return to life," Auron said after a moment. "At best, these stones might offer me a stay of execution."

"C'mon man. It's more than just that," Jecht growled. "You'd become one of us!" He joined Auron, draping a hand over his shoulder and giving him a half-hug. "Lighten up. Aeons are what we are 'cause we wanna help people. It ain't any different for the ones o' us who already did their job. Learn to be a lil' nicer to yourself, ya stiff. You're makin' the rest of us do the heavy liftin' with that attitude."

Auron looked away, grimacing.

"This is –" Gippal stopped himself, thinking. "… weird. Definitely weird," he finished, still looking uncomfortable.

"I don't think it's so weird." Rikku joined the others at the edge of the stone and slipped her hand into Auron's. "All that tech we Al Bhed spend our lives unearthing – we're just cannibalizing the remnants of people who died a long time ago to make our own lives better. The rest of Spira always thought we should let sleeping dogs lie, and respect the remains of the dead and all that. But we didn't… because we saw a chance in them." She looked back at Gippal. "How's that so different from what we're doing now?"

Shaking his head, Gippal finally peeled himself away from the wall and joined them at the stone. "Fine. I'm not here to judge anyway. Been on the receiving end of that gift way too often to want to be a giver." Crossing his arms, he tilted his head and studied the sculpture at their feet. "So this is actually Lord Zaon, huh? That's…" He tilted his head. "A whole lotta cape."

"There are many more stones inside, in Yunalesca's private sanctum." Braska gestured towards the chambers beyond. "She collected the remains of her reign of destruction like trophies to lord over."

"Yeah, it's more than just a little creepy. Kinda like she was building a palace to herself out of the bodies of all the sacrifices she made." Rikku shivered. "They're locked behind a seal Isaaru put up the last time he was here. I can take people through it, but only one at a time."

"Perhaps you should take Auron first and give him some time to look," Braska said as they settled in the antechamber leading up towards the sanctum. "This is ultimately his choice, after all, and we can decide our next move after he makes it." He glanced at both of them, still holding hands, and then lifted his eyes to meet Rikku's own. "Take your time. I wanted to speak to Jecht regardless… but I'm also curious about the state of the modern Al Bhed. It has been many years since I last visited Bikanel, and from what Rikku has told me, things have changed drastically since my time." He nodded at Gippal. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to know what happened since my last visit to the desert. I've heard Home was destroyed during Yuna's Pilgrimage."

"Huh. Well, if we've got some time to kill anyway, we got a lotta history to cover, Lord Braska." Gippal shrugged.

"Just Braska, please. Among friends, we don't stand on formality."

"Being friends with High Summoner Braska. Stranger things have happened, I guess." Turning towards Rikku, Gippal pointed a finger at her. "Be careful in there though. Sounds like we can't follow you past whatever this seal is."

"It's not that dramatic," Rikku huffed. "Braska's a summoner too, I'm sure he could break the seal if he put his mind to it. But I'd rather leave it in place if it's all the same to everyone. Isaaru worked hard to put it up, and it's meant to keep casual tourists out. I don't want to be the next Pollendina to ruin this place all over again."

"Yeah, yeah. The kid's just worried about you," Jecht said, waving them off. "I been in there myself. Yunalesca's dead, so it'll be fine. But you better choose a good one, Auron!" Jecht smirked. "S'gotta look at least half as cool as mine!"

Auron snorted. "That's a low bar to pass."

"C'mon, Auron. Stop stalling with Jecht and let's get this done!" Rikku pulled him up the stairs. Reaching out towards the stone doors, she closed her eyes and felt for the threads of magic creating the seal. It was easier the third time around, and after a few minutes, she began to weave both herself and Auron between the lines of power. "Can you open the actual doors for me?" she asked as she felt them nearing the end of the puzzle. There was a rumble, and then a cool, stale breeze whispered across her cheeks. Together they stepped into the chamber, and the doors swung shut behind them.

As soon as they did, Auron stopped, not at all fooled by Braska's casual proposition. "What is it that you didn't want them to see?" She could feel his stare boring into the back of her neck, which was reddening rapidly. "Or was it simply something you and Braska are trying to hide from me?"

"Actually," Rikku said nervously, fidgeting as she inched into the stone chamber. "I specifically wanted you to come here with me. Because I don't want to hide anything from you! But… I'm afraid you're gonna get hurt." Nervous energy pooled in the pit of her stomach as her feet came to a standstill. This is either going to go really well or really badly.

Auron's eyebrow went up as ghostly forms of their battles with Yunalesca whispered by them, fading as quickly as they came. "What is it? Did you not want them to witness my death?"
"No, it's not that," Rikku hummed as she watched a young Auron, both eyes still intact, facing down Yunalesca. "Stop thinking of that, this isn't about you," she scolded him, and the images quickly faded. "It's about me and Braska. You know I love you… but I also realized that I love him, too. Maybe I admitted that to myself a little too late, but… he came back first, sort of. And I thought this time – this time, I wasn't going to waste any of my chances."

As she spoke, she saw Braska's ghostly form leaning towards another faint image of herself. "Is it truly so awful? Being honest about your desires?" he asked, leaning in for a kiss.

Auron settled by her side, observing; she grabbed onto his hand again and felt his entire body tense as he watched the image change from a chaste, cautious exploration to the messy, hungry passion that had consumed both her and Braska back then. He didn't look away as the two figures sank to the floor in a jumbled pile of need and ecstasy, shedding clothes as they went. His grip grew painfully tight when Braska drew the first loud moan out of her. The images began to fade, and abruptly, Auron loosened his hold on her.

"No. I want to see this." His voice was fraught with something – anguish, maybe – but he looked down at her and shook his head. "He told you to be honest about your desires. So show me. Everything. Let me see all of you."

"Uhh… okay." Dutifully, Rikku closed her eyes and immersed herself in her memories, letting them form before Auron. "I really hope you don't fiend out on me," she mumbled under her breath as the two figures came to life once again, clashing in a frenzy of passion.

Auron watched impassively, his face going carefully blank. When her memory-self finally reached orgasm, Rikku clasped her hands together, worried that Auron might snap at her in a fit of fiendish jealousy. It was unsustainable, this amount of heightened tension between them.

Fighting the urge to cover her face in embarrassment, Rikku soldiered on, replaying the memory as best she could. The dome was actually very helpful, since after the first two orgasms the rest of her time with Braska had passed in something of a drunken haze. As she watched with new clarity how Braska made her come again for the fourth time, she risked a glance at Auron. Then stopped and stared.

Rather than jealousy or anger, he had a look of restrained annoyance on his face. Catching her glance, he sighed. "I know I demanded this display. But really, how long did it go on for?"

Catching the mortified laugh in her throat, Rikku kept her hands on her cheeks as her memory-self let out a rising wail behind her. "Umm… I'm not really sure? We lost track of time. Maybe… another forty-five minutes?" She looked behind her and saw Braska pushing her memory-legs up. "Oh, no, wait-a-minute. At least another hour."

Auron dropped his head, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Didn't you think this was a little excessive?" Behind him, Braska added to the chorus, his words becoming a colorful stream of curses and grunts over their conversation. "By the gods, he's mouthy even when he's having sex."

"Wait. Why aren't you mad? You usually get mad."

Auron dropped his hand wearily and looked at the image of her and Braska, which was beginning to waver and fade. "Focus," he told her sternly, and Rikku let out a squeak, putting her fingers to her temples. Once the copulating couple were once again mostly visible, Auron resumed speaking. "What would be the point of holding on to such emotions? This is what I wanted. Maybe not to see you so intimately with Braska, but I did want you to move on. To find someone else to love, rather than tying yourself to a dead ending like myself. I knew that this would be a part of that. I didn't want to dwell on it – to think of you with another man." He shook his head. "Hypocritical, when I was the one who threw myself at another woman first. And Jecht's wife, of all people."

The image faltered as his words caught her attention. "… Did you sleep with her?"

Auron grimaced. "Of course not. She loved Jecht, not me. And he was still very much alive, even transformed as he was. It was as if she could sense it, as though her life was tied to his. Perhaps it was. I think she died when he finally lost himself to Yu Yevon." He turned to watch the memory of her fucking Braska once again. "That doesn't mean I hold this against you. You were suffering, and you did what you thought you needed to. It's very human… something I am now envious of." He pointed at the fading image. "Although this is also my punishment to you."

"Punishment?" Rikku refocused, sharpening the memory. Unable to withstand the growing itch between her thighs as the flashback bore down on her, she pressed herself into Auron's side. "This is a good memory for me. Are you trying to get me hot and bothered? Here? Now?"

Auron's hand wrapped around her side, and then slowly slid down to her thigh. She shuddered at the sensation of cool leather dragging over her bare skin. "No. Yes. You make me lose my senses and my good judgement." His eyes remained fixed on the lovemaking even as his hand travelled a slow, torturous path back up to her navel. He stopped, gripping her tightly at the hip, and let out a loud breath.

"Watching you experience such intense sexual pleasure excites me. Of course I would rather it be me underneath you than him. But in the end, that makes no difference when you lose control. Whether you are pleasuring yourself or riding me or another man, you are always beautiful when you come. I could drink in the sight of you making that face forever." His voice turned darker, and Rikku realized his one eye was glowing faintly, and the tips of his ears were sharpening. "I want to see how far I can push you. What sort of expressions can I wring out of you? Can I outlast him? Should I fuck him out of your memory right here and now? Would you like to try?"

"Auron," she said warningly, bringing a trembling hand to his chest. "Auron, I think you should stop."

Squeezing his eye shut, Auron released her. He turned away from the memory, pulling in shallow, shuddering pants as if he'd just fought a terrible fiend. "Stop. You can stop now," he bit out, regaining some of his control as the tempo of his breathing slowed.

The memory faded, and Rikku put her hand on her chest and matched him, recognizing his calming breath technique. "Hey… what happened there?" she asked when she was certain her voice was steady.

Opening his eye, Auron huffed out a tired laugh. "You know exactly what happened to me." His eye flicked down to her legs before meeting hers. "I saw you with him, and I wanted you for myself. I wanted to take you and –" He looked away, pained, and ran a hand through his hair. "That is exactly the problem. My lust for you… how much of it is my own? I would never have imagined that seeing you with Braska would make me want you. Is this who I am, and I have been denying myself all this time? Was I afraid of that truth? Or…" He grit his teeth. "Or is it because I am the one who has changed? Is this what it means to become a fiend, then? To lose myself to my base desires and betray everything I once stood for in life?" He ran his hand down his face. "The more time I spend with you, the less I know who I am."

The way he spoke evaporated any last traces of excitement Rikku had been feeling. Instead, guilt and pain flooded through her. He was hanging on by threads; keeping himself from turning into a fiend by sheer force of his weakening will. "Maybe I shouldn't have shown you this. Not like you are now."

Auron rubbed his face down one more time before straightening and staring at her, his gaze steady. "No. Now was the only time. I may never be myself again after this. This was your only chance to tell me of your true feelings." He reached out and cupped her face, the motion tender rather than charged. "You will live on regardless of what happens to me. So know this, Rikku. I accept your feelings and respect your choices. Embrace them without hesitation or guilt, and know that no matter who you choose to be with, I will love you regardless. If there is only one thing you remember of our time together, I want it to be this: That my deepest desire for you is that you live your own life to its fullest. You know Braska and Jecht feel the same way, and I am certain all of your living friends share the sentiment."

Feeling the heat welling up behind her eyes, Rikku reached out and threw her arms around Auron's neck, burying her face into the fabric of his coat. "This is why I can't let you go, stupid," she whispered, tightening her grip. "You just say something like that out of nowhere and make me fall in love with you all over again."
She felt the soft huff of his breath as he buried his face into her hair and chuckled. "Well, as Braska demonstrated… my competition is stiff." He paused. "Five times? Really? How did he last that long when you were so… invested in the process?"

Rikku flinched, and then giggled. "I mean, he came after that last one too." She grabbed his hand and began to lead him towards the back of the chamber.

"And then continued to pleasure you for another hour," Auron said drily. "Where was all of that stamina during his Pilgrimage? We could have used it during the journey across Lake Macalania."

Snorting, Rikku bumped her shoulder into his. "Were you really not jealous?"

Auron winced. "Of course I was jealous. I am jealous. There will always be a part of me that wants to shout to the world that you are mine, and mine alone. That no one else can have you, that only I can be the one to make you feel those things, both in your body and your heart, now and forever. But that part of me is the same part that craved the attention of Jecht's wife with just as much fervor. It is the naive fifteen-year-old boy who fell blindly in love with his tutor, ignoring both good sense and the Teachings in the process. It is the idealistic young man who was ready to cut down anything that stood in Braska's way, to the point that I nearly broke even you." He shook his head. "I have no desire to be that sort of petty idealist. And I am not willing to give you or any of our collective experiences up for my own selfish immaturity."

"Seems like I'm the one forcing you to be the adult in the room," Rikku groused as they climbed down the steps to Yunalesca's private chambers. "I mean, I decided to chase after all of those grabby feelings you're pushing aside." Stopping, she stubbed her toe into the ground and tried to define her own emotions. She didn't feel guilty; not really. Every moment she'd spent with Braska had been worthwhile, and her biggest regret was that she'd waited until he was nothing more than a fragment of his former self to come clean. "I kinda want to say I'm sorry, but you know –"

Auron leaned over and silenced her with a quick kiss. "Do not finish that thought," he chided her as he pulled away. "You of all people never need to say that, especially not to me. You sacrificed your entire life to be with me. That is a debt I can never repay, and certainly not with a misguided attempt to possess you for myself alone under the guise of 'love.'"

His face grew grave. "Rikku, you are an aeon now. It is more important than ever that you retain your right to choose. This is what makes you and Jecht unique. It is what gives me hope that you will both survive into the distant future without descending into madness or seeking death as Yuna's aeons did – because you both have what they lacked: freedom." A faint, wry smile crossed his face. "I consider myself fortunate that you wish to spend at least some of that time with me even now, as I linger well past my expiration date and chase after your love like I'm still a young, besotted fool."

The warm feeling that suffused her was overwhelming; Rikku's body twitched with the urge to throw herself at Auron. I love this man so much it hurts. She caught herself leaning forward and stopped. The intensity of her feelings, no matter how well-meaning, would be enough to push him over the edge towards his transformation into a fiend once more, and it was getting harder for him to come back each time. You can be the mature one for a hot minute, Rikku! She smacked her cheeks repeatedly, much to Auron's bemusement.

"Is there something else I should be aware of?" he asked, clearly entertained by her panic.

"Oh, shut it! You're being all sexy and I'm just trying to keep it in my pants!"

She could tell by the way his smirk expanded that he was enjoying her discomfort. "Forgive me for stating the obvious, but you're not wearing pants. What you are wearing is an easily accessible and very short skirt."

"Arg!" With a clack, Rikku summoned her exosuit, letting it settle against her skin.

"That may just be the most overdone version of a chastity belt I have ever seen." Even though his tone was impassive, she could tell Auron was on the cusp of laughing. "Am I really such a danger to you?"

"Always." Giving in to temptation, she planted a soft kiss on his lips, pulling away before he could draw her in. "Now… stop distracting me. We still have to get through Yunalesca's catacomb first."

Sobering, Auron moved to step before her. Rikku held him back, lighting a tiny flame in her other palm, and he acquiesced with a slight nod. "Then lead the way."