Dreamscape (slowed and reverb) byBeachgazing
"I needed you, too, Sis." I told her because I did.
I needed her when I didn't know I'd have needed her and I needed her now. I needed her when her Mika came into this world and I needed her when I gave birth to Aiko. As Mika gets old enough to know about what happened when she came into this world, I wish she were here to tell it herself. If anything, I was kicking myself because of that diary. No, that's for Mika to read.
I barely went into that room because, before that, she didn't want me in her room. I used to go in there to mess with her and, nowadays, it looks kind of like how she left it. I barely touched anything in there, since she passed away, hell, I remember to put her diary back where she had left it. The spats we'd get into would be funny stories to share but, now, I can't really say those, no, not without crying. I still have the birthday cards and stuff she gave me. Maybe I could share a little of those with Mika. Sometimes, the scarf she made me feels like a hug and, when I miss her more than usual, it's wrapped around me. At least, it feels like her holding me again.
I suppose a hard part is going to visit her grave. I don't visit her there so much and I know she understands. "Sis," I go, "I know it's been awhile..." or something like that. Sometimes, I come up here to have tea with her and, other times, I come up here just so sit with her like we used to sit together. I think, once, I told her that I was mad at Nonon because Snakebite got to her know her for 23 years and I only got to know Sis for about 10. With Mika being here, I don't have to much to share because I don't have very many memories. If Sis had lived, she'd be about 40 and I think that's the harder part. Sis, I wish had more stories to tell them.
I guess it's harder still when I have to remember how I'm supposed to parent Mika and I don't have Sis to tell me how she'd do things. Admittedly, Sis said she'd never know how she'd be as a mother but we knew she'd be a good one. I love 'em both the same, I know, but I know that they both need different things. What really twists the knife is how much we look like our girls and I'd have to wonder how it would have been if we had a normal life where we could grow up together. Sometimes, as I think about this, I have one of those moments.
"Hey, Sis, do you think we're sisters in other universes?"
"I think we would be, though, I think we'd be better sisters."
I guess, now, I'd have to wonder if, in other universes, we're watching our girls grow up. I know, someday, Mika will get to see her but I still can't find the words to tell her about her birthday being the day her mother left us. More to this, I know, is that Sis wouldn't have wanted Mika to feel terrible or blame herself for the former passing away. I wish I could've had 'em both.
As Mika's birthday gets closer, I go, "I needed you, too, Sis."