Chapter 13

Making Contact

(Middle Group)

The first order of business was to figure out if the Archivists were even headed for Earth. Not that many people in the bunker base had many thoughts to the contrary, but as Grunkle Ford made clear, people across the multiverse preferred to open a dialogue. Luz and her friends from the Boiling Isles were selected as the ones to drive the conversation, but with an uncomfortable caveat.

"Are we sure that we don't want to namedrop Collector?" Luz asked, wincing slightly. "I feel like we're standing in the face of an excellent opportunity to help patch up that family relationship."

"Luz, they left him behind on the Boiling Isles while wiping out the Titans," King said pointedly. The little Titan crossed his arms and looked in the middle distance as he muttered, "I think it would be amazing if we could repair that relationship and stop any fight before it begins. But when I spent time with Collector after he was released, I got the very distinct impression that there's some really bad blood between him and the rest of his kind."

"It couldn't hurt to try, though, right?" Amity said, trying to reaffirm her girlfriend. "We made friends with Collector, so it stands to reason that we can also work things out with these guys. We just need to show them a better way."

"I like the gumption and optimism I'm seeing here, but we should be practical," Eda interjected.

"I can't believe I'm hearing that coming out of your mouth," Hunter deadpanned.

"Same here. Is this even the same woman I married!?" Grunkle Stan lamented. "Look kids, I just gotta say after punching a demon from another dimension into oblivion, the sooner we deal with these guys, the better. No good can come from inviting the fox into the hen house for a chat."

Grunkle Ford held his peace. He could have easily berated his twin for his hypocrisy of acting all standup and cautious, but then again hadn't he also let the proverbial fox into his metaphorical hen house? However, Commander Mudd definitely had some words to share.

"We don't have time for any of this silly Kumbaya speech! The estranged love birds are both correct," she snapped, earning weird looks from the witches. "If we're going to be stupid and ask questions before first shooting, then we need to be direct!"

"That kind of talk is what gets us stuck in endless wars," Marcy said defensively. "If we can stop the battle before it even begins, then all the better, right?"

"I think this crazy commander is just itching to use all of her fancy toys," Sasha said shrewdly.

"Even if that is the case," Mudd snapped back defensively, "The fact of the matter still remains that our solar system is being invaded by beings moving far faster than any technology we possess! And by your admissions, these aren't the good guys!" She nodded angrily towards King who immediately looked as if he regretted opening his mouth on the topic.

Willow and Gus stepped in to shield the little guy, but Anne was the one to really step in. The Thai girl had a lot going through her mind. This whirlwind adventure of going to the Boiling Isles, finally reuniting with Sprig, and then immediately getting hurled into a new conflict while also meeting her younger self was a lot to grapple with. She felt completely out of her depth, which was saying something after the whole battle she underwent to save Earth and Amphibia, but her heart knew what was needed.

Stepping up to Commander Mudd, she cut in loudly, "Ma'am, I appreciate that you're concerned and even itching for a fight like my friend just put it. I have fought powerful enemies like this before, and there is both a time for talk and a time for action. We've already agreed to let Luz and the witches of the Boiling Isles speak for us, so let's trust them. If we need to fight, then that's what we're going to do.

"Stop balking at everything you disagree with and fear! We're only losing time by having this argument!" The Pines just watched all of this going down, nodding in agreement while making plans behind the others' backs; Soos had a point about their resources from Weirdmageddon. Anne turned to point at Luz. "I trust you to do whatever you feel is right to stop this battle. And if that doesn't work, we're all behind you."

Amity gave Luz a comforting hand squeeze. Brightening up from her friends' and allies' defense of her plan, she approached King and gave him a quick hug. "Don't worry. Let's give peace a chance."

"That's all I want, Luz."

Commander Mudd rolled her eyes. "Anyway, how are we even supposed to reach out to these Archivists?"

"I've already got that figure out," Ford said. "Your satellites that allow you to get readings of movements all across our solar system have been recalibrated to send messages from our place here to the Archivists. And don't worry, I've made sure to scramble and reroute the signal sufficiently so that they should not be able to track it back to us here in this base."

"Should?" Mudd said contemptuously.

"Commander, it would behoove us all if you would stop interrupting and let these people do what they need to," Mr. X replied testily.

"It's your head and career that are on the line," the commander snapped back. "I don't care what role you played in Frogvasion, all your accolades and privileges can be stripped away with one well-placed phone call."

The agent was unfazed as he stared down Commander Mudd. Ford rolled his eyes and approached Luz to explain to her how everything was going to work. He assured her, "Everything should be fine. Even if the Archivists do track the message back here, it's close enough to the Falls that they will get themselves inescapably drawn to the valley. And when that happens, they will be at our mercy."

"You're making it sound like there's no way out of this fight," she told him softly.

The old adventurer placed a comforting, six-fingered hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "If you can pull off a miracle, then wonderful. But I have seen enough of the multiverse to know that beings like these aren't exactly looking for friendship. But let's try it your way first."

"Alright."

Luz steeled herself as she approached the projections of the solar system and the approaching Archivists. They appeared as large purple dots that bent space and time around them. Luz knew all too well what kind of reality-defying powers they wielded. Collector was just a kid, but these much larger entities were full-fledged adults. If she misspoke or misjudged the situation, then battle would be inevitable.

But wasn't that the reason they had all been brought together?

No more fighting, Lus thought stubbornly as she followed Ford's instructions and activated the satellite links. She spoke into the projection, and it reacted to her voice. "So, huh, hi there Archivists! Welcome to our solar system! It might not look like much compared to other places out there in the universe, but it's beautiful! Just make sure to pinch your nose when you pass by Uranus and take a moment to appreciate Saturn's beautiful rings!"

Commander Mudd facepalmed so hard that Dipper wondered if she might knock herself out. The other soldiers and engineers reacted the exact same way. Anne noticed that even Mr. X flinched a little. He muttered under his breath, "We really should have let Anne handle this."

The purple dots stopped moving for a second. They began wavering and undulating before coalescing. Suddenly, a gigantic, painted face blossomed out of the covering purple points. It was a face similar to the Collector's young, jester-like visage. However, this face was sharper, its grin mirthless, and the eyes alight with a cold fire.

"Who speaks? It's a little rude to enter our brains and not politely introduce the voice intruding upon our ears." The Archivist's voice boomed like thunder and rattled everything that wasn't secured. The base was immediately raised to the highest alert.

Luz cringed but quickly recovered. "Buenos dias! My name is Luz Noceda, and I am a representative of Earth! We learned from one of your fellow Archivists that you were coming by to visit, and I wanted to reach out and say hi! See how you are doing. If there was anything we could do for you. If there is any way we can avoid a galactic conflict?"

There was another round of facepalming.

Mabel whispered to her twin, "I think she's doing fantastic!"

"Now that's a curious way to begin greetings and negotiations, Luz Noceda of Earth," the Archivist said with a grim smirk. "What makes you think that we're here to bring conflict?"

"Care to rescind that statement?" Dipper asked Mabel.

"Just wait and watch!"

"Well, um, you see I've spent a lot of time on the Boiling Isles, and your people's visit there wasn't the most peaceful. I'm not blaming you! I don't know if you were there or anything like that, but it wasn't exactly the best for the Titans. And a poor, little guy was left behind as well. The Collector, if you know about him."

The Archivist's grin twisted into something unnaturally long. The light went dim in his eyes as coolly gazed back at Luz. She wasn't sure if the alien could actually see her, or if this was just the face it made as it gazed in the direction of Earth. Either way, it was chilling.

"Ah, Collector. So that little traitor finally got himself free? He should have listened to us and not tried to make friends with the Titans."

Well, crap… That begins to put everything into context, Luz thought, feeling cold in her stomach.

"And that little meddlesome runt just couldn't help himself and reached out to Earth as well. Though, we can't sense him. Is he hiding? Is he hiding where you are at?"

Ford was fiddling around with another screen, and he grew pale. He whispered for Dipper to join him and help with his work. Marcy quickly scooted over to help and was joined by Maddie. Luz tried to not lose her cool when she answered, but before she could put the words together, another voice interjected.

"He out right now getting some avocado pizza! Very delicious! Totally a reason to not destroy Earth!" Sprig shouted happily, hopping up to Luz's side. The pink frog confidently addressed the floating head and said, "My name's Sprig, by the way. Sprig Plantar. And let me tell you guys something, Earth is a wonderful place to come and visit! If you want to come and talk peacefully, check out the sites, get some yummy Thai food, and try to pass yourselves off as humans, you'll have a great time!

"However," the little frog said, a strange note suddenly entering his cheery voice. "If you have nefarious reasons for coming here, this planet is ready to defend itself. It already did that once to an army that came out of Amphibia. And it did not turn out well for King Andrias and his army."

"We've heard of the Amphibian invasion," the Archivist said with a snooty sniff. "But we didn't know that the two worlds still had an open correspondence. This is most intriguing. Our preliminary research led us to believe that Earth lacked any sustainable ability to travel between other worlds and dimensions."

This drew glances from everyone. Mr. X nervously tucked at his collar. The portal he had intended to allow Anne, Sasha, and Marcy to use to get back to Amphibia might have just become a massive liability. Ford looked even more nervous and determined as he tapped and worked away with the others. Luz was caught in the middle of it, trying to piece everything together and not lose her head.

Wait a minute! Eda's portal between Earth and the Boiling Isles has been operating for years! If they didn't know about that, then maybe it's because Titan magic is even more unknowable to them than we thought! It's not just dangerous and disruptive, but it's something they haven't yet figured out. Luz flashed King a thumbs up and a warm smile. Then we have an Ace up our sleeve if we need it.

However, she was ready to take over again. "Thank you, Sprig. We really only bring it up because we really want to make sure that there's no problems with your arrival. By the way, what's your name? Or names? I don't think you want to just be called Archivist or Archivists."

The blue and golden face paused for a moment and considered Luz's question. There was a strange glitch in the project, eliciting a string of curses from Ford as he worked even faster. Stan brightened up and asked, "Oh, are we allowed to use real swears now?"

"Now's not the time, Stanely!"

Peculiar things began happening all around the base with lights flashing in strange patterns, showing off greater monsters and reaching hands. Anne was certain she saw one screen flash the image of the Earth burning. A tingle went up her spine and she held Sprig close to her. Mabel took out a camera and began snapping shots of everything that was going on. But Luz was transfixed by the Archivist before her. Something seemed to slide out of their face and head. She realized with a spike of horror and disgust that it was other faces slipping out.

Finally, one Archivist's head floated over her and replied in a sneering tone of voice, "You may call me Librarian. It's my job to make sure that everything is in its proper order and ensure that official business is recorded."

Luz's eye twitched as she suppressed a groan. This was far more grown-up speak than she was normally used to. And all this official sounding stuff basically confirmed that the Archivists were not coming to Earth for any benign reason.

But they're willing to talk to me, so that's a definite plus and good sign, right?

Her friends gave her the thumbs up, and she pressed forward. "Excellent!" she said a little too exuberantly, putting a little arm swing into it for emphasis. "Because if we can officially become friends and sort out any misunderstandings, that would be great!"

"Of course," Librarian replied with a blood-curdling smile.

"So, Librarian, what brings you all this way to our solar system?"

"We've come to catalogue your peoples' sciences, achievements, powers, and then select the worthiest people and creatures to preserve before we purge your planet."

"Um… You see that kind of goes against becoming friends," Luz said, already feeling horrified and awkward glances coming her way.

"But we no longer have a misunderstanding between us," Librarian rejoined. They had a slightly female bend to their voice, but Luz wasn't ready to assume anything else beyond how awful these Archivists were.

Scratching the back of her neck, she said, "Do you really have to? We have loads of scientists, advocates for natural preservation, and bookworms who would love to talk with you guys and help you learn about Earth. And we would be happy to explore the cosmos with you! At least some would be," she hastily added as many soldiers and scientists shook their heads NO!

Librarian chuckled and replied, "Why would we permit lesser life forms to travel with us as equals?"

"Okay, I think we have heard enough!" Willow spoke up. "Humans, Witches, Titans, Amphibians, we are not lesser beings!"

"Exactly," Ivy joined. "We've already beaten big bad guys before with all their magic and super-powered tech! We can defeat you guys as well if you come here to harm us or our friends!"

"Have you not considered that makes us want to document you even more?" Librarian asked with an oppressively confident air. "Three worlds that have pulled off what should have been possible. We know full well that Earth is the sight of Weirdmageddon, which was thwarted despite the demon known as Bill Cipher orchestrating it. We've come for him, too. But then the Titans managed to survive our purge, even with our best efforts to stamp them out and start resistance organizations within their own spawn!

"And now Amphibia joins the game as well. Their access to galactic travel and conquest was a thorn in our sides long ago. Your leaders did a good job of hiding their weaknesses, little frog, but now that we can clearly see you it's clear there's nothing to fear. The power that once fueled a mighty empire has long since extinguished."

"Alright, I've heard enough!" Commander Mudd barked. "Cut this off!"

"We can't!" Ford shouted with a grimace. "They've invaded your base's systems. I'm trying to get them out!"

"And we've already gotten plenty of fascinating data," Librarian said smugly. "Gravity Falls is an inwardly collapsing confluence of power, generating a singularity-like pull for all things not deemed normal by your planet's very nature. That is a fascinating anomaly! Rest assured, we will come to you!"

"Good thing, then, because they'll get stuck just like Bill! And then we can take these dudes out!" Soos said happily, punching one fist in a fat, open palm.

"Oh, we'll make sure to have countermeasures to that hindrance, Perfect Man," Librarian assured him. "This isn't the first wondrous world we have conquered. And it won't be the last!"

"Is there really no way you won't reconsider?" Luz asked, feeling like a total failure. Her plan had gone up in smoke instantly!

"No."

She grit her teeth, glanced at worried King and then pointed to him, demanding to know, "Why did you all kill the Titans, then? And why did you abandon Collector? How can you all be so horrible!?"

"Woah, easy there, kid," Eda cautioned.

Mabel was still taking pictures while Wendy came over to plunge her axe into a computer, shorting out the Archivists' invasion of the base's systems. Mr. X and Commander Mudd were working frantically to prevent anything important from being stolen. But it looked as though much of the damage had already been done.

Librarian laughed, "It was simple. It's who we are. It's what we do. The universe will eventually destroy itself and unless we are there to preserve and archive all that there is, then what will be the point of creation itself? You simple minded creatures cannot even fathom what we do! Collector only wanted to play around and refused to learn! He thought he got rid of us through his own crafty games and schemes, but he only pushed us away from the Boiling Isles. An event that will not be repeated!

"And as for your precious plushie there? The Titans needed to be archived, but their pesky unwillingness to listen to us or share their secrets necessitated a full war to make them reveal their true natures. And what we got what we could, we burned the skies."

Luz felt absolutely sick to her stomach. Librarian continued to beam down at her, confident that this young woman could do nothing to stop what was coming. Well, with three worlds met by fate, a quest across time and space sponsored by a mysterious figure and supported by Collector, there had to be a way to fight back.

She balled her fists and shot back defiantly, "We aren't going anywhere, Librarian! And we won't allow you or any of the Archivists to hurt our homes!"

"I'd like to see you try," Librarian goaded.

As they said those words, tendrils of bluish energy began snaking out of every computer in the vicinity. Everything went haywire. The soldiers raised their guns and fired, but they all jammed. Gravity was nullified in the base, causing everyone to float up. The witches began activating their staffs and co jure their spells. Librarian's eyes flashed and their magic was suddenly cancelled out. King opened his mouth to roar and nullify the Archivist's powers, but possessed electrical cords snaked out to wrap him up like a mummy.

Sprig fired a pebble from his trusty slingshot, but it passed right through the projection. It laughed back at him, "Idiot frog! You can't hurt us from where you're at!"

"No, but you won't hurt us either," a voice replied, cutting through the chaotic din. Sprig managed to turn in the air and saw his friend Anne. She was glowing she hadn't in years, ringed with an incredible light.

"Anne!" Sasha, Marcy, and Sprig shouted together.

She raised a hand and bellowed, "You will leave this place immediately!"

There was a bright flash and with a gasp, Librarian vanished. The powers that had been taking control of the base ceased. Everyone but the witches immediately fell to the floor, but Anne's power caught them. With a waggle of her fingers, she righted everyone and sat them back down.

"Magical girl moment," Soos oohed.

"Don't be a creep, Soos," Wendy muttered out of the corner of her mouth.

The place was a wreck. Librarian's grasp had torn the whole place apart. Emergency power and systems switched on to keep everything running. The screens all fuzzed with white snow and the projectors collapsed. The soldier's guns began melting and they threw them to ground to turn into puddles of bubbling slag.

Anne was furious as she descended, but suddenly her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she collapsed. Sprig shouted and bounded to catch her just in the nick of time. Everyone stood rooted the spot in shock as the enormity of their situation finally descended.