"The giant never sleeps. We can still bite its fingers." - Lieutenant Nawal Grey, Canopian MechWarrior
The Cauldron, Hecate, Magistracy of Canopus
June 29th, 2966
Border raids between the nations of the Inner Sphere were a constant fact of life. Were they able to bring their full force to bear, the Great Houses could conquer their respective Periphery neighbors with relative ease. However, to do so would leave the aggressor exposed to attack by the other Great Houses. Thus the uneasy stasis between the Great Houses and the Periphery had gone since the end of the Reunification Wars.
The MAF, or Magistracy Armed Forces, had never been large, as Inaya had explained to Cian at one point. They simply didn't have the resources necessary to maintain a large standing military. What the Canopians did have, however, was wealth. They were the center of the entertainment industry in the Inner Sphere, seen by many officers and nobles as a place of respite even amid the turmoil of the Succession Wars. House Centrella, the Magistracy's ruling family, used that wealth to pay mercenary garrisons on the border with the Free Worlds League handsomely.
The irony of being a mercenary in the Magistracy was not lost on Cian. El Cid's first actions were against the now legendary merc command, Buquoy's Bandits, which had served as the core of the Magistracy's army during the Reunification Wars. The Bandits had long since disbanded, but the tactical brilliance and honorable behavior of its commander, Adam Buquoy, were still an example many mercenaries looked to in the modern era of the Succession Wars. He remained a national hero to the Canopians.
The idea of facing off against FWLM forces had quickly become a non-issue to Cian over his months with the Varangians. He just couldn't muster up the emotions to feel any differently about the FWLM than he did about any other opposing forces. It was the job. Perhaps it was fitting, then, that Cian's first encounter against his former comrades was so lacking in fanfare.
The Cauldron was a depression in the southern area of Hecate's largest continent that was several hundred miles across, packed full of crisscrossing rivers and tributaries. Huge farming operations filled the Cauldron, as did countless anti-air and anti-orbital defenses. Combined with uneven terrain far more suited to rice and taro paddies than DropShip landings, the only feasible way for a force to approach the Cauldron was from outside its rim. Thus, MAF forts ringed the Cauldron, usually staffed by a rotating stable of merc commands.
Iron Lance had been on patrol in an area of wooded hills off the Cauldron's northeastern rim when Cian's sensors pinged, just in time for a Jenner come bounding out of the trees. Cian saw the ochre and violet of the Regulan Hussars, and for that reason he held his fire. It wasn't out of any unit loyalty, but simply his brain now being hardwired into associating those colors with friendly forces. Luckily, Mastani's PPCs opened up, slamming into the lightly armored Jenner and shredding away its torso armor. The Light 'Mech tried to pull back, but Vishali deployed her Marauder's M lasers and Autocannon to finish the job, coring the Jenner. The entire thing had taken a matter of seconds, the smoking Light 'Mech barrel rolling to a rest.
That had only been the beginning. Vishali called in reinforcements as the Canopians informed them of a force of 'Mechs at augmented company strength, accompanied by vehicles, were closing in. Brass and Silver, patrolling nearby, converged on Iron, with Canopian Fusiliers and Mercury Wing en route.
All hell had broken loose as the two sides clashed. Lines of battle began to blur together and chaos overtook the battlefield.
An L laser flashed from El Cid. A Harasser that had been weaving through the trees went up in flames. Missiles struck the Black Knight from the right and Cian raised the 'Mech's arm, retaliating against the Commando that was harassing their Lance. He managed to shear away the little 'Mech's left arm before it was in the cover of the forest around them.
Nearby, Konomi's AC/10 fired, blasting the head off of a Shadow Hawk that was getting too confident. The Medium 'Mech pitched over beside the fallen Jenner. Shen and Valeria were overwhelming an enemy Blackjack. Whoever was commanding the Regulans was unwisely feeding forces in piecemeal, but even so, more and more 'Mechs and vehicles were emerging from the trees. Lawali's Centurion was being driven back by concentrated fire from a pair of Scorpion tanks supporting a Rifleman. Maya's Blackjack was rapidly burning through its ammo trying to keep the skies clear of VTOLs above Jotunn.
"Not a step back, Jotunn! We're Varangians! We will hold!" Vishali was extolling them, her Marauder's PPCs steaming in the crisp Hecate air.
"Varangians!" Cian found himself letting out the battle cry. He risked turning on the Rifleman and hitting it with several lasers, trying to give Lawali some respite. Lawali's Centurion joined in with an Alpha Strike, and the Rifleman, which had no better armored 'Mechs to give it cover, had both left limbs reaved away. The 'Mech fell to one side, crushing one of the Scorpions. A volley of missiles from someone else in Jotunn detonated the remaining Scorpion.
Shadows passed overhead. The remaining FWLM VTOLs were picked out of the sky by Varangian and Canopian aerospace assets.
"Varangians!" Zahir cried, turning his autocannons onto another Black Knight that emerged from the trees.
A PPC blast and a flurry of missiles struck El Cid's left side. Cian made to engage the Manticore tank that was the source, but the Commando returned, making to sweep around behind the Black Knight once again.
Cian had to make a choice. The damage potential of the Manticore was greater, so he focused it, L lasers boring through the tank. The vehicle didn't detonate or explode, but the crew within was certainly reduced to nothing. Missiles struck El Cid's thin back armor as the Commando exploited his choice.
"I've got the little fucker, Iron Four." Viktor's Assassin, true to its name, seemed to spring from nowhere on jump jets, landing directly on the Commando in a Death From Above attack, crushing the smaller BattleMech to the ground, then placing its M laser directly against the Commando's cockpit and firing.
"Appreciate the assist, Brass Two", Cian said.
"Happy to help, Iron Four." Came the reply.
Cian and Konomi grouped up as the threats from behind were cleared, pushing into the enemy advance to make a little space for the rest of Jotunn. Cian engaged the Regulan Black Knight with half his lasers, throttling to close with El Cid's counterpart. The enemy Knight focused on Cian, turning away from trying to put down Shen's Kintaro, and there was a certain timeless moment where Cian wondered if the opposing Black Knight knew who exactly they were facing. It was a ridiculous notion, of course, and in the end, it didn't matter.
El Cid's right fist connected with the enemy Black Knight's torso, shoving it back several steps. The other Knight was slow to react; charging into melee wasn't exactly a common strategy. This let Cian throw El Cid's left fist in, shattering away yet more armor, one foot-long sliver flying away with enough force to embed itself into El Cid's canopy directly in front of Cian. Lasers flew from the torsos of both Black Knights as Cian kicked the enemy 'Mech's shin. The FWLM Knight stumbled, opening it up for a fist from El Cid directly in the head. The Regulan 'Mech took three stumbling steps off to one side as its gyro tried to keep it from toppling. Whatever had been holding the Regulan MechWarrior to consciousness or life must have quickly faded, for so too did the Black Knight's balance. It toppled, shaking the ground as it landed, and in spite of himself, Cian stood over his kill and raised a fist.
"Varangians!" Cian said again, turning his lasers on the next enemy, a rare Ostroc. Aerospace fighters made another pass, one of them targeting the Ostroc as well. The enemy Heavy 'Mech wisely turned its own lasers and SRM on El Cid.
And thus did not see Tiamat stepping over the Hunchback it had just finished off to punch it while on the run. The momentum of the attack shattered the Ostroc's left arm into shrapnel and Cian capitalized on it, daring to use the heat he saved by using mostly melee attacks against the enemy Black Knight to Alpha Strike the Ostroc. The 'Roc's torso armor was burned through and Cian managed to get into the reactor. The pilot punched out and the Ostroc started to go critical, both Cian and Konomi pulling away from it as it detonated into a mushroom cloud that vaporized the nearest trees, knocking flat those beyond. Cian's heat was far in the red and he had to lay off the weapons.
"Jotunn Company, this is Antiope One, the cavalry has arrived on your six." Came a new voice over the comms. Cian knew it was one Captain Diana Xiao, an irrepressibly likeable MechWarrior that reminded Cian of Vishali in a lot of ways. Maybe that's why Vishali and Diana had been sleeping together for the past few weeks.
"Copy, Antiope. We've left the light on for you." Vishali replied, a smile evident in her voice.
"Awfully nice of you, Iron One." Diana said.
Three full Lances of Medium 'Mechs in the bright green of the 3rd Canopian Fusiliers entered the fray, joined mostly by hover vehicles. Even Heavy 'Mechs were uncommon in the Magistracy Armed Forces, to say nothing of Assaults, so it was not unusual to see full Light and Medium Companies.
Cian pushed El Cid to join their charge in driving back the Regulan 'Mechs.
There are days when decades pass and hours when minutes pass. That's what Cian couldn't help but think as the remaining FWLM forces were pulling back, leaving their fallen behind. It was a difficult thing to explain, for he couldn't even fully explain it out loud to himself. Maybe it was because of several weeks of long, boring patrols suddenly being interrupted by the shock of combat. It felt like a series of images flashing before his eyes in the light of the lasers; here the beams were burning clear through the frame of a Dervish. There Vishali and Zahir's autocannons were felling a wing of Igor VTOLs.
In truth, the full battle lasted for most of a day, becoming more and more a game of cat and mouse as the dwindling FWLM 'Mechs tried to prevent themselves from being encircled as they pulled a fighting retreat towards their DropShips, yet seemed to pass in a flash when he looked back on it.
Cian stopped El Cid when Vishali gave the order to quit pursuit. Though his 'Mech had taken hits all over, this time around its armor had thankfully not been breached. If it wasn't for the shrapnel directly in front of him sticking through the canopy, he'd scarcely be able to tell that El Cid had taken damage.
Cian walked his 'Mech over to the fallen Regulan Black Knight. He looked down on the familiar ochre and purple and was filled with a most peculiar feeling. It wasn't regret or sadness, and for several moments Cian was stuck trying to figure out exactly what that feeling was.
Closure. That's what it was, he realized. Cian had needed to go up against the FWLM all along. Facing a Regulan Black Knight? Well, it couldn't have been a more obvious metaphor if it had been stamped onto Cian's forehead.
"Iron Four, are you alright?" Vishali asked.
"I'm good, One. Don't worry about me." Cian assured her. "How's the rest of Jotunn?"
"We came out of that scrap pretty well. I don't know who the hell was commanding the Regulans, but it clearly wasn't anyone with any level of competence." Vishali observed. "If they'd pushed as a coordinated unit, they might have actually managed a breakthrough."
Cian snorted. "Speaking from experience, Major, the FWLM has its fair share of nepotism hires and political toadies. A fine sort of bastard just like the one we faced today is the main reason I'm missing an arm and a leg. We just got a bite-sized sample of how it felt to be the Lyran Commonwealth Armed Forces during Operation Killing Stroke."
Vishali didn't reply at first, and Cian wondered if he'd taken his contempt of his former superiors too far.
"Try as I might, I can't think of anything to say on the subject except 'lucky us.'" Vishali decided.
"Yeah. Lucky us. Unlucky them." Cian agreed. He wasn't without sympathy for the unfortunate MechWarriors and vehicle crews that had just been pointlessly ordered to their deaths, but having been on the other side of that situation, Cian found himself unable to muster up anything truly substantial. It was war and they were all soldiers. Wasn't this just part of it? Did he even have a right to feel sad about the results of facing the enemy in open combat when it was his choice to be here in the first place?
"I'm glad you survived to join us, Cian. Truly. The Varangians have been lucky to have you." Vishali said, now on a private channel.
Cian turned El Cid away from the fallen Black Knight.
"And I've been even luckier to have all of you. The Varangians are quickly proving to be the best thing that's ever happened to me, Major. Hearing you say it is icing on the cake." He replied.
"I'm happy to hear it. Now, let's get back to base and let the Fusiliers take over." Vishali suggested.
"Yes, ma'am." Cian confirmed, getting El Cid into motion.
Many long days on patrol had the stumps of both Cian's missing limbs at an almost constant ache. The amount of painkillers it would take to completely numb it at all times would eventually turn his liver to soup if done day after day. As much as he wanted to indulge regardless, Doctor Sandra was very stern on the matter.
And so, Cian endured. As much as he wanted to just lay in bed and rest his limbs, he wasn't the only one going through long hours of work. Normally, this would be the point where he made his familiar pilgrimage to the galley to make a cup of coffee, but the Bardiche was currently running low on coffee and thus it was being more strictly rationed than usual. There had been an error in a supply shipment and most of what they'd received had been decaf. Cian knew bringing a cup of decaf down to the MechBay was pretty much a surefire way of having a plasma torch applied to the nearest exposed section of his flesh.
So, instead, he dug through his rucksack and produced a energy drink in a pint can. Cian had traded one of the Canopian Fusiliers MechWarriors for a four-pack of the drinks in exchange for his last pack of cigarettes. Cian had quit smoking at Inaya's request, which hadn't been a difficult thing to do. Smoking while in space was strictly prohibited aboard all military ships, for it was an unnecessary strain on air filtration and purification, so he'd already gotten used to going long periods of time without cigarettes anyway.
Cian entered the MechBay. All twelve of Jotunn's BattleMechs were raised up from their cubicles, held in maintenance cradles at various states of disassembly. The twin autocannons of Zahir's JagerMech were laid on the ground at the 'Mech's feet, slack chains ready to lift it up when the work began in the morning. Lawali's Centurion had its torso plating held off to the side by robotic arms, its internal structure exposed.
It was quiet. Even when she was the only one still working, Inaya was normally making noise, whether it was what she was working on, or singing along to her music, cursing at some stubborn component, audibly talking herself through the process she was going through on a repair. There was no sound, though. It took Cian a solid minute to figure out where she was. He realized El Cid's cockpit lights were on while all the others were dark. He headed in that direction, scaling the ladders of the maintenance cradle until he reached the cockpit.
"Knock knock." Cian said as he lightly rapped his knuckle on the frame of El Cid's entry hatch as he ducked inside.
There was no response, which was not itself unusual. Normally, Inaya had her headphones in and didn't hear Cian at first. That was not the case this time. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, just in front of Cian's pilot chair, facing away. She'd dyed her hair a pink-red color recently…fuschia, was it? Regardless, it was a bright splash against the drab grey metal and monochrome plastics of the cockpit.
"Chief?" Cian asked, feeling concern build in his gut. This was very unlike her to sit idly when normally it took a monumental effort to convince her to slow her pace.
"Fuck", Inaya cursed, jumping where she sat and turning to look.
"Sorry." Cian said. He hesitated by the entry hatch. "Is…now a bad time?"
"It's…no, I was just…I'm…", Inaya trailed off, putting her hands on her knees as if to push herself up to her feet. She lowered herself back down with a sigh. "I don't know, Strider. I really don't."
Cian frowned. Inaya had given no sign of anything being wrong. At least, not that he'd noticed. The concern he was feeling started to grow. Was this it? Was this where she finally decided to end things? Cian didn't want to admit how often he worried about it.
All the same, Cian went and sat facing her, his back against El Cid's primary control console, the 'Mech's canopy directly above and behind him. The cockpit was small enough that he could have leaned out and touched her from where he sat.
"You can talk to me. No matter what it is. Or if you don't want to talk, I can be here for you." Cian assured her.
"You've got enough to worry about, Strider. I've got this." Inaya replied almost at once.
"Chief…it's fine if you're not fine." Cian echoed what she had once told him.
Inaya could not hide the ghost of a grin at his words, but it was joined by her eyes getting glossy with tears. The Head MechTech scooted herself the few feet necessary to lean against Cian's chest, tucking her head under his chin. She sniffled and brought her knees up, curling into a ball in Cian's embrace. Cian ran his fingers through her hair, giving her time to let it all out. He had nowhere to be but right where he was sitting.
Eventually, Inaya pointed a thumb upward. Cian followed it to see she was indicating the piece of shrapnel that was embedded in El Cid's canopy.
"I'm not sure I follow." Cian admitted.
"If not for the canopy being there, you'd be dead." Inaya croaked, voice hoarse from crying.
"True, but…well, not to put too fine of a point on it, but that's what it's there for. And it did its job." Cian said.
"I know. It just…it got me thinking in circles." Inaya sighed. She wiped her eyes and leaned away from Cian, sitting cross-legged once more, but remaining close and holding his flesh and blood hand with both of hers. "It could all end so fucking fast. I've already given you more of myself than I've ever given anyone else and I…", her voice wavered, threatening a renewal of tears. A deep breath. "...if you fucking die, the part of me you carry is going to die with you. And just thinking about it makes me want to throw up."
Her hands tightened around his.
"And I know I can't ask you to not be a MechWarrior anymore than you can ask me not to do what I do." Inaya went on, the words coming at a pace that suggested she had been thinking about this for a while now. "I've never felt this way before and I have no idea what to do."
Cian was silent for several moments. This was not a subject he expected to approach today. But, as he well knew, one didn't exactly get to plan when their emotions got the better of them, did they?
"Every time I hear someone's gotten hurt in the MechBay, my guts turn to ice and my first instinct is to pray to a god that I haven't believed in since I was thirteen years old that you're alright." Cian said at length. "But that's the thing. If we don't open ourselves up to getting hurt, we can't love. You don't get one without the other. And if the worst is going to happen to either of us…if my choice is to either make a stone of my heart and avoid pain, or to have spent all those nights reading together with the music playing, all those meals in the mess hall hearing you tell me all about whatever it was had caught your fancy that day, and all the rest we've done together in the months since we met…well, shit, Chief, it's not even a choice."
"Damnit, Strider…", Inaya said, her reluctant laugh broken by an involuntary sob and a fresh round of tears.
Cian grabbed a clean shop rag from Inaya's toolbox nearby and used it to dab at her cheeks.
"I love you. I meant it the first time I said it, and I've meant it every time since." Cian went on. "And as for being a MechWarrior, I know I've always said it's the only thing that makes sense to me, but really, what else have I actually tried to do? Other than be a League noble, which I already knew I was going to hate from the start."
Inaya sniffed, taking the rag from him so she could wipe her eyes and blow her nose. "What else would you do?" She asked.
"I don't know." Cian admitted. "But I'm finally letting myself think on that question. I'm not going to let the fear of stepping away from what's familiar hold me back anymore. Obviously, I intend to see my current contract with the Varangians through to the end. After that? Hopefully I'll have something in mind." He shrugged. "What would you do?"
"Other than be a MechTech?" Inaya asked.
Cian nodded.
"Hm." She hummed, moving to lean against Cian once more, though she was done crying for the moment. "I've got the experience now. Might be able to get a job with the MAF back home on Canopus IV. Barring that, shit, may just open a mechanic shop and work on cars. Doesn't have to be 'Mechs, I don't think. I just don't want to stop working with my hands or being able to take crap apart and put it back together."
"That sounds good." Cian said.
Inaya took a few breaths in and out. "It does sound good." She finally said, looking up at him. "I want to come home to a little house and talk about our days over dinner. I want to stay up too late reading together, trying to fit on a couch that's taken up by too many cats."
"Cats?" Cian asked.
"Of course. At least three." Inaya insisted.
"Huh. Never had a cat before." He said. "So, minimum of three cats. On Canopus?"
"I'd like to be. It's where mom and ma live." Inaya said.
Cian nodded again. "My main caveat is that you'll be there. Doesn't matter which planet."
Inaya smiled, leaning up and kissing him. "Damn right." She said.
"And I could sell El Cid. That'd set us up for a good long while." Cian reasoned.
Inaya stared at him.
"What?" Cian asked.
"You…You'd sell El Cid?" Inaya asked, incredulous.
"I would." Cian said. He laid his prosthetic hand on the floor of the cockpit beside them. "This 'Mech's been good to me. But if I'm ever going to move on from being a MechWarrior, El Cid's going to have to go. Hell, I'll bet Commander Ketill will buy it off me for a good price."
"You don't want to…I dunno, pass it on to the next generation?" Inaya asked.
"There'd need to be a next generation to pass it onto, and to go ahead and get it out of the way now, I don't really want to make one." Cian said.
"Oh, thank god." Inaya breathed, patting a firm hand on his chest. "I've been wondering how to bring that one up."
"Not for you, either, I take it?" Cian asked.
"I've been telling mom and ma for years that the only way they're getting grandkids is through Fish." Inaya said with a small laugh.
"That settles that, then." Cian told her.
"Though, I think you're forgetting that my family was literally rich enough to buy Fish her 'Mech. We won't have to worry about much." Inaya reminded him.
"I definitely hadn't forgotten. I just wasn't going to assume that it was…you know, freely available." Cian said.
"It is under the condition that we're doing something with our lives. Doesn't really matter what it is; making art, doing volunteer work, working a job. More than fair, really. And, you know, as long as we aren't just blowing it all stupid shit." Inaya explained.
"Well, either way, selling El Cid will still be in the cards." Cian decided.
In that moment, Cian knew ghosts weren't real, because if they were, the ghost of his father would have manifested and tried to beat Cian senseless. Talking about selling El Cid should have been madness to him. Not even when House Serrano was at its most financially desperate had he ever considered letting the 'Mech go. But this was his life he was building now. For the first time, Cian could begin to look ahead and imagine the possibility of not being a MechWarrior anymore. It was scary, but exciting all at once.
"It's your decision in the end, Strider. You've got plenty of time to think it over." Inaya said.
"Oh, I know. We'll figure it out together." Cian agreed.
They fell silent, but it was the comfortable silence Cian had come to enjoy when neither of them felt the need to keep a conversation going. He reached his hand under the neck of her coveralls to scratch along Inaya's back. She rumbled happily deep in her throat, practically melting into him. Cian kissed the top of her head, marvelling how right then, when his future was more uncertain than it ever had been before, his world felt so right.
After a little bit, Cian's good leg was asleep.
"Chief." Cian murmured.
No answer. The MechTech's steady breathing told Cian what he had suspected. She was fast asleep in his arms.
"Hey, Chief." Cian repeated.
"Mrrrrrrrrrm." Inaya grumbled.
Normally it would quite a predicament, choosing between letting Inaya remain in her slumber or waking her so they could both be more comfortable. However, Cian's bad arm and leg hadn't magically started hurting any less, and if he stayed in a weird position on the floor for much longer, it was only going to get worse.
"Chief, you can make me pay for it later, but if you want me to be able to walk tomorrow, going to need you to get up." Cian said.
"True. Sorry." Inaya said sleepily, pulling herself up and helping Cian to his feet. "Need help getting back to your room?" It wasn't a joke or mockery, and Cian was grateful for it. A lot of people saw how advanced his prosthetics were and seemed to assume they were just like having the genuine articles he'd been born with. Perhaps Inaya had thought the same at some point, but she'd come to know better since then.
"Honestly, wouldn't say no." Cian replied. Allowing himself to accept help with mobility had been his own little learning journey.
Once they were down the ladders of the maintenance cradle, Inaya took Cian's weight on his right side, helping him walk to the ship's main lift, then through the halls to his billet.
"Thank god we're lifting off world tomorrow. You need a break." Inaya said as she sat Cian down on his bed, dropping to a knee to help him remove his leg prosthetic.
"Speak for yourself, Chief." Cian said with a smirk
"I usually do." Inaya replied. "Need a massage? Ice pack? Heating pad?"
"Honestly, think I just need some rest for now." Cian said.
"Alright. I've got to go get cleaned up but I'll have my noteputer turned up loud. You call if you need anything, and I mean it. Got it?" Inaya insisted as she moved on to helping him with his arm.
"I've got everything I need whenever you're in the room, Chief." Cian said.
Inaya rolled her eyes, but her cheeks colored as she did. "Yes, yes, you're very smooth." She removed Cian's arm prosthetic and set it on the charging station, then returned to kiss him on the cheek. "And very sweet."
"I try." Cian said, laying back on his cot. "Thanks for the help."
"Anything for you, Strider." Inaya said, taking his good hand and bringing his knuckles to her lips before standing up. "I love you."
Warmth welled up in Cian's chest. To feel so broken all the time, yet to feel so loved. Fuck. Maybe that's what love was supposed to be all along.
"God dammit, I love you." Cian said, knowing he could never put enough meaning behind the words, yet trying to anyway.
Inaya stopped in the doorway, leaning against the frame in the way she liked to do. She looked into the room, meeting Cian's eyes, and he could see that she was trying to come up with a response that would match his.
Eventually, she settled on stepping back into the room to pull his blanket over him and kiss him one last time.
"I'll stop by once I'm out of the shower and make sure you're alright." She said. "Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."
"Sweet dreams." Cian said.
Inaya left, closing the door behind him. When she returned a short time later he was fast asleep.