You have been with SVU for almost 5 years now; in that time, Alex and Olivia became your family. It had been rough at the beginning, but they worked to break down your walls, earn your trust, and show you love that you had never known before. You had been abandoned outside of a hospital when you were just hours old, thrown out with the trash where your mother felt you belonged. You were shuffled from foster home to foster home, each worse than the last. You spent the majority of your childhood being abused not only physically but also mentally. The physical abuse had left physical scars, but the mental and emotional abuse took more of a toll on your confidence, self-worth, ability to trust, and ability to love yourself. After years of being told that you were worthless, unlovable, stupid, ugly, and that no one would care if you went missing or died, you began to accept it as the truth. It didn't take long for Olivia and Alex to pick up on your need for love, and they both worked together to break down the walls you had spent a lifetime building. You were there when they adopted Noah, and the two of you had developed a close bond like you were actual siblings. He called you his big sister and you called him little brother. When you and your boyfriend broke up, and he kicked you out, they offered up their spare bedroom and refused to let you pay rent or for anything else. They had taken you in and made you feel like you belonged and were loved for the first time in your life. Over time, you had developed a playful banter where you had taken to calling them both mom, and they had taken to making idle threats to ground you, smack some sense into you, and call you young lady and little girl when you were in trouble.
There were still days when you would revert to your old ways and take stupid and unnecessary risks because, at times, you still felt your life was expendable, and today was one of those days.
You had gotten a lead on your case involving a serial rapist and decided to check it out yourself rather than wait for Fin and Amanda to get back from lunch. You left a note for them and headed out, forgetting your vest on your chair. The lead had taken you to an old hotel, and you began your search with the sleazy manager who told you which room your suspect was in and gave you the key. You thought about waiting for backup, but you didn't want to lose him again. That was your first mistake; your second was not thinking about the closet behind the door when you swept the room for the suspect, giving him a chance to sneak up behind you and smash the butt of his gun into your temple. You woke up to a splitting headache and a very pissed-off Fin and Amanda staring you down. They forced you to get checked out by the paramedics, and luckily, you only had a small cut and a large bruise. You begged Fin and Amanda not to tell Olivia, but a lot of good that had done you, and the first thing you saw when walking back into the squad room was Olivia's furious face staring you down.
"What the hell were you thinking, Y/N?" Olivia yells, meeting you at your desk, her arms crossed angrily across her chest.
"I thought I was doing my job, you know, investigating crimes and arresting rapists," You reply a little more sarcastically than you intend to.
"You are in enough trouble already, so I would lose the attitude if I were you, young lady," Olivia seethed, taking a step closer and giving you her mom glare, sending shivers down your spine.
"Yes, Ma'am," you whisper, suddenly finding your shoes more interesting in an attempt to avoid her sharp gaze.
"Look at me," Olivia instructs, using a finger to guide your chin up until you meet her eyes, " You know better than to go off without backup, especially when it is a dangerous suspect. Do you have any idea of the danger you put yourself in? He could have assaulted you or, worse killed you."
"But we got him, and I didn't get hurt," you reply, shrugging your shoulders.
"Are you kidding me right now? This is probably one of the stupidest things that you have ever done. When are you going to get it through your thick skull that you are important and not expendable? Use your head for something other than growing hair," Olivia huffed
"Everything turned out fine. I don't know why you worry so much," you whisper, only for Olivia to land a well-placed smack to the back of your head and fix you with a furious glare.
"You are my responsibility, and it is my job to worry about you."
"I am 24 years old. I am not a child," you huff, pouting slightly as your headache starts to pound more.
"Then stop acting like one. I am tired of having the same conversation with you. The next time you decide to ignore protocol, disobey orders, or in any other way knowingly put yourself in harm's way you will be grounded to your desk until I see fit to trust you again. Do you understand me?" Olivia's voice was raised in anger again.
"You can't ground me; you're not actually my mom," you yell back, the pounding in your head worsening with every word.
"Thank Fucking God For That," Olivia yells, punctuating each word.
Her words hit you like a ton of bricks, and you felt your heart shattering inside your chest. You freeze, trying to keep the tears prickling at your eyes from falling, and you watch Olivia's face change from anger to confusion, and her mouth moves, asking a question you don't hear. You finally manage to nod slightly, and Olivia turns away from you and heads back to her office. This was it; you always knew deep down that Olivia and Alex would eventually hurt you like everyone else. You always did or said stupid things, and eventually, people realized that you weren't worth the trouble. You really thought this time was different, but you wound up just proving what you had always known: you are worthless and not worth loving. You slowly take off your badge and gun, laying them on your desk and making sure no one else will notice before turning to leave. You start walking with no destination in mind; you just know that you have to leave. The thoughts in your head were spinning out of control, and you kept hearing all those things people had told you over the years: you're worthless, no one could ever love someone as pathetic as you, everyone's life would be so much better without you in it, the only reason we keep you around is the paycheck, you are ugly, you're stupid, you are only good for your body, you're unlovable, you're weak, no one would miss you if you disappeared. You were so deep in thought that you didn't notice the rain pouring down, soaking you to the bone. You're not sure how long you have been walking, but eventually, you find yourself on the front step of your house - no, it isn't yours anymore; it is Alex and Olivia's. The door was unlocked, meaning the babysitter was home with Noah, so you quietly let yourself in and tried to make it to your bedroom unnoticed. You start throwing your belongings into your suitcase and backpack, only for Noah to appear at your side.
"Why are you packing Y/N? Are we going on a vacation," Noah asked you, looking up at you with his big brown eyes.
"No, Noah. You are staying here with Mama and Mommy, but I have to leave," you reply, avoiding his eyes and holding back your tears.
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know yet, buddy, but I won't be back for a long time."
"Why are you leaving? We are family, and family doesn't leave."
"I'm so sorry, Noah, but I have to leave."
"But you promised you would always be here," he choked out, tears brimming in his eyes.
"I know, buddy," you say, sitting on the bed, pulling him into your lap and noticing the babysitter in the doorway, "It's all my fault. I did something bad, and Mama is very mad at me."
"But when I do something bad I get a timeout or a spanking. Can't Mama just give you a spanking?"
"I wished it was that easy, buddy. I did something that a spanking can't fix. I have to leave because Mama and Mommy don't need me around anymore to cause more trouble."
"But Mama and Mommy still love us no matter the trouble we get into."
"I don't think that's true for me anymore, buddy. Now I have to finish packing so I can leave before they get home," you say as you set him back on his feet, "so why don't you go play, and I will come say goodbye before I leave, okay."
"Okay," Noah whispered, hanging his head as he left your room.
"Y/N, is everything okay," the babysitter asked, placing a hand on your shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Look, I have a lot to do, so if you could keep Noah distracted, I would appreciate it."
"Okay, if you say so."
You look at the clock and notice that you have at least three hours before Alex or Olivia get home. You pull out what you have thrown in the suitcase and start folding everything so you will have plenty of room to fit everything since you have plenty of time. You consider calling for a cab, but that would entail you having a place to go. Your head is pounding more now, and you go in search of some pain pills. You had no idea that Noah was making a worried phone call downstairs.
Alex didn't bother looking at the caller ID when she answered the phone as she was too engrossed in her paperwork and the books covering her desk.
"Hello, Alex Cabot," she said into the phone, the reply catching her off guard.
"Mommy."
"Noah, what's wrong? You're supposed to be at the park," Alex said, looking up from her paperwork and settling back in her chair.
"It's raining, so we had to come home early."
"Oh, that stinks, but why are you calling me sweetheart? Is something wrong?"
"I tried to call Mama, but she didn't answer, and this is an emergency."
"Noah, what is an emergency? Where is the babysitter," Alex asked as panic started to rise.
"She is leaving Mommy. She said she was bad, and now she has to leave," Noah explained, tears streaming down his face.
"Who's leaving Noah," Alex asked, grabbing her keys and coat and heading for the door.
"I don't want her to leave Mommy. Can't you make her stay? She says she isn't coming back. She said you and Mama don't love her anymore. She can't leave us. Please make her stay."
"Noah, honey, can you calm down and tell Mommy who you are talking about?" Alex said, racing towards her car and trying to get to her son as soon as possible.
"Y/N. She said she was bad and made Mama so mad that she had to leave. I told her maybe Mama would just give her a spanking, but she said she was too bad for that and had to leave because you don't love her anymore."
"Is Y/N at home with you, Noah?"
"Yeah, she is packing all her stuff, Mommy."
"Okay, buddy, I am on my way right now. Can you do me a favor and make sure she doesn't leave until I get there?"
"Yes, Mommy, but can you hurry, please?"
Alex hung up with a calmer Noah and dialed Olivia as she stepped on the gas to get home faster. She needed to ensure she had the whole story before she got home to deal with you.
"Hey honey," Olivia answered.
"Don't you, hey honey, me Olivia Margaret Benson," Alex sternly stated into the phone.
"Woah, what did I do to deserve my full name," Olivia questioned, confused by Alex's tone.
"Why don't you tell me Olivia."
"Alex, I have no clue what you are talking about."
"I just got off the phone with a distraught Noah because Y/N is home packing and she told him she was so bad and made you so mad that she had to leave because we don't love her anymore. What the hell is going on, Olivia," Alex all but yelled into the phone.
Olivia took a deep breath and slowly told Alex the whole story. About how you had decided to go off and investigate a lead by yourself, how you were blindsided with a blow to the head, how she had yelled at you upon your return to the squad room, and everything you had both said during the argument.
"You said what," Alex yelled into the phone.
"She said I wasn't actually her mom, and I said thank fucking god for that," Olivia recounted, trying to understand what was so important about the comment, and then it clicked, "Oh my god. I didn't realize. I didn't think she would take it that way, Alex. I meant that if she was ours, she would be facing more consequences than she is. Oh, God."
"Olivia, it will be okay. I am on my way home now, and I will do what I can, but when you get home, she will need to hear what you really meant by the comment. Funny enough, Noah said that maybe she could just get a spanking and not have to leave. It may be something to consider."
"Alex, just because we want her to be our daughter and treat her like one doesn't actually mean we can spank her. She is 24 years old, and she isn't a child no matter how much she acts like one."
"If she wants to act like one, maybe we should start treating her like one," Alex proposed, pulling into the driveway.
"Alex, that's not what she needs right now, and you know it."
"I know. You said the paramedics cleared her at the scene, and she was okay."
"Yes, they said it was just a contusion and a cut."
"Good because dragging her kicking and screaming to the hospital is not what I need right now."
"She is okay, Alex, physically anyway. Take a deep breath, baby, and show our girl how much she is truly loved."
"I will, honey. I'll see you when you get home," Alex replied, hanging up the phone and walking into the house.
She was met with a sobbing Noah latching onto her legs. She made sure to take time to comfort him and let him know that everything would be okay. He let her know that he had hidden your cell phone to make sure you didn't leave, and she told him he had done an excellent job. When he calmed down, Alex sent him to his room to play before going upstairs to find you. She stands in the doorway of your bedroom, taking in the scene: you standing in still soaking wet clothes and drenched from head to toe dripping water on the floor, a bulging duffle bag lying on the bed, random items scattered on the floor, and you were frantically searching for something.
"You will never find it, Y/N. Noah hid it to make sure you didn't leave before I got home," Alex informed you, causing you to jump at the sound of her voice. The sudden movement sent your head reeling, causing you to stumble as you turned to face her.
" Hi, Alex," you reply, giving her a weak smile and squinting in the bright light.
"Honey, are you okay," Alex asked, stepping closer and placing a cool hand on your head. "You look pale, and your head feels pretty warm.
"I'm fine, Alex," you reply, pulling away a wave of nausea hitting suddenly, "I just need to find my phone so I can leave. I'm sorry."
"Honey, you're not going anywhere."
"I have to leave Alex. I really screwed up this time, and Liv doesn't want me around anymore."
"Yes, you screwed up, but that is the only true thing in that statement. Liv still very much loves you, and neither of us wants you to go anywhere, sweetheart."
You open your mouth to reply, but a sudden wave of nausea hits you hard, and you empty the contents of your stomach, covering yourself and Alex's shoes in vomit. The dizziness catches you off guard, and Alex catches you as you fall, gently guiding you to the floor.
"Y/N, honey, what's wrong? I need you to talk to me, sweetheart," Alex cooed, settling you in her lap and brushing the still-wet hair from your face.
"My head is fuzzy, and it won't stop pounding," you reply, rolling your head to bury your face in her stomach to hide from the brightness of the lights.
"Honey, you're shivering," Alex noted, pulling you closer to her.
"That's weird cause it's super hot," you pause to cover your mouth as another wave of nausea hits.
"That's it. We need to get you out of these wet clothes and into a warm bath," Alex said, moving to stand you both up. When the movement caused the light to hit your eyes, you whined and pulled her shirt back towards your eyes.
"Don't wanna move, Mommy," you whine, sounding like a toddler refusing to listen and catching Alex off guard since you had never referred to her as Mommy.
"Baby, are the lights hurting your eyes," Alex questioned, gently stroking the back of your head.
You let out a low whine and slightly nod your head.
"Fuck," Alex whispered, reaching over and turning off the lights, "Honey, I need you to show me your eyes, please."
"Nooooo," you whine.
"Right now, young lady," Alex ordered sternly.
"Noooo, it hurts," you whine, clinging tight to Alex.
"Now Y/F/N Y/M/N," Alex demanded, punctuating your first and middle name with stinging smacks to your backside.
"Owww, okay," you cry out and roll onto your back, squinting up at Alex.
Bending over your head, Alex gently brushes the hair out of your face and notes that the bruise seems more significant than Olivia had initially described, and there was a bump that she hadn't mentioned to Alex forming behind your ear. Then she gently opens your eyelids, examining your eyes. You see her face change from slight concern to very worried.
"Okay, honey, we are going to get you out of these wet clothes into a warm bath, and then you are going straight to bed. I am going to call Mama and have her bring Aunt Melinda home with her to check you out, and you will behave for her. Do you understand me," Alex sternly instructs and fixes you with her mom's gaze?
Your head hurt too much for you to protest, and you were wondering if further protest would just earn you more swats to your backside. Alex was always more strict than Olivia, and when she was at the end of her rope, you had better run. With her tone and stare, you figure it would be better to comply with her than make things worse. You nod, and Alex helps you up, guiding you to the bathroom, where she helps you peel off the wet clothes and get into a warm bath. She calls Olivia while she runs her fingers through your hair, telling her she needs to bring Melinda home to check you out. After the water had started to cool and she had washed your hair, Alex helped you out of the tub, got you dressed in your pajamas, and tucked you into bed, kissing your forehead gently before leaving.
"Mommy, will you stay with me," you ask quietly, catching Alex off guard for the second time.
"Of course, baby. I'm going to check on Noah and get you some water. I'll be right back," she replies with a smile.
When Alex returns, you are on the verge of sleep. Your head is still pounding, and your stomach is doing cartwheels. You feel the bed dip as Alex sits beside you, and you let your head fall into her lap. The guilt of putting yourself in danger was starting to eat at you. You knew it was stupid, and Olivia was right about you acting like a child.
"I'm sorry, mommy," you whispered into Alex's lap. "It's all my fault. I'm sorry."
"Shhhh, it's okay, baby," Alex replied gently, running her fingers through your hair and placing another kiss on your bruised temple. Mama and I love you very much, and everything will be okay. Just get some rest."
"Mommy," Noah called from the doorway.
"Hey, baby boy," Alex said motioning for him to join you both on the bed.
"Does this mean that Y/N can just have a spanking instead of leaving," Noah asked, climbing up on the bed.
"Noah, honey, Y/N is an adult, and no matter how much Mama and I want to give her a well-deserved spanking, we can't, but we aren't going to let her leave either. She is family, and family sticks together always," Alex explains with a slight chuckle in her voice, still gently running her fingers through your hair.
"Good. I was worried she was going to leave and I wouldn't have a big sister anymore."
"I know, baby. Why don't you go get ready for bed, and I'll come tuck you in when Mama gets home."
"Okay, and Y/N's phone is in the cookie jar in the kitchen," Noah said, jumping from the bed and running to get ready for bed.
"He's right. I do deserve a spanking," you confess, turning your head to look up at Alex, noting the look of surprise on her face, "I knowingly disobeyed orders and put myself in a dangerous situation without thinking about those I love. I acted like a child and deserve to be punished like one."
"Honey, we can discuss it when you are feeling better. Just relax, sweetheart."
"But I have to leave. I went too far this time. She is so mad, and she doesn't love me anymore," you sob as fresh tears fall down your cheeks.
"That is not true, young lady," Olivia said, appearing in the doorway with Melinda. "I love you very much and would be devastated if you left."
"But you said you were glad you weren't my mom," you choke out, more tears falling down your cheeks.
"No," Olivia sighs, joining you and Alex on the bed and gently wiping away your tears. I said thank God for that because if I were your mom, I would be doling out consequences and punishment much differently, and I don't think you would enjoy that very much."
"I'm sorry, Mama. I deserve to be punished," you confess, turning to hide your face in Alex's lap.
Alex looks up to see Olivia's confused face and gives her a slight nod, letting her know that she heard you correctly.
"Baby, I need you to sit up and let Auntie Melinda check you out, okay," Alex cooed, trying to lift you from her lap.
"Noooo, I don't wanna," you whine.
"Now, young lady," Alex sternly said, delivering another stinging swat to your backside.
"Okay, okay, sorry," you apologize, sitting up to hide your backside from another blow.
Melinda gently checks you over, taking note of the bruise and lump on your temple and checking your eyes. After what seems like forever, she finally tells Olivia and Alex that they have a level 2 concussion and need to take it easy and rest for the next two weeks. After Melinda left, the three of you had a very in-depth conversation about what life would be like going forward. There were going to be new rules with consequences and punishments that would be enforced not only at work but also at home. You were indeed their daughter now and felt more loved than you ever had before. That night, you fell asleep on Olivia's chest with Alex rubbing gentle circles on your back, finally in the arms of a loving family.