Chapter 29
Two years ago...
"...Today is gonna be a fuckin' happy day in-the hell?"
It took a lot to stop the Princess of Hell from singing. It was the one thing she was good at. Even that surly cat Sinner Husk admitted as much when he was halfway lucid. In fact, it wasn't unheard of for Charlie to sing and dance her way through the streets of Hell, greeting her beloved subjects even if they didn't greet her back (typically either yelling obscenities or exposing themselves. Hell was an...acquired taste). It was all she had ever known, and she'd come to love it for what it was.
But still: she had inherited her mother's singing voice, and she was proud to show it off whenever she could. It took quite a lot to stop her from singing when she started (as Vaggie had learned years ago).
But when she saw the state of the Heaven Embassy, that had been enough.
She wasn't really sure what she was expecting. She was familiar with the Clock Tower, which regularly counted down to the annual Extermination. Her entire mission had been born out of that horrific tradition: the last one had been particularly brutal, leaving her a sobbing mess. That structure was a terrifying reminder of the violence that her people were regularly subjected to.
But this was the first time she had seen in up close and...the term 'dilapidated' seemed somehow insufficient.
It's not that she didn't expect some degree of vandalism. One could see the graffiti from halfway across the city. But she had at least expected it to operational.
Instead, what she found was like something out of that Escape From New York movie she'd watched with Vaggie the other night: floor upon floor of shattered and soaped-over windows, mural-sized graffiti, oily black marks covering the base reliefs, and the door locked shut and covered up with nailed boards.
Had her father made a mistake? This was the address he'd given her. He'd gotten it straight from the head of the Extermination himself.
Did they even intend to meet her at all?
She thought for a moment, trying to decide what her next course of action should be.
She pulled out her hellphone.
"...Hey, Vaggie baby! Ummm...no big deal buuuut could you come down here for a second?"
A few minutes later, Vaggie was standing next to Charlie, equally dumbfounded.
"You're sure this was the address he gave you?"
"Absolutely."
"He made it clear that this is where you were supposed to meet."
"Crystal."
"...I don't know, Charlie. This doesn't make any sense."
"Well, you've got more street smarts than me. That's why I wanted you here."
"Doesn't take street smarts to see the issue here."
"Vaggie, this is where the Heaven embassy is supposed to be. You can clearly see the sign over there on top of the door-"
"Yeah, but I can also see a bunch of wooden planks nailed over the door and 'keep out' spray painted about three...dozen…times all over it. I don't know about you, but I'm starting to think that Heaven is pranking you."
Charlie let out a loud, annoyed sigh.
"Uuuugh fuck!"
She stepped forward and reached out to touch the boards.
"Maybe we can pull these off?", she said as her fingers brushed the rough wood.
Vaggie rolled her eyes, shaking her head.
"You're going to have to call your father...", she said.
A few days later...
Knock knock
The door to the large Hotel creaked open, revealing a lone staring eye peering out into the evening.
The fish-Sinner raised a scaly eyebrow. "Uuhhh...salutations?"
The door flew open, revealing a pint-sized cyclopean Sinner cheerily hopping in place.
"Ooooh! You're cute!", she said. "Are you a bad boy?" She said the last part with an extra bit of lascivious emphasis.
The fish-Sinner restrained his desire to vomit profusely. Barely.
"Ahem. I'd like to speak with the owner of this establishment.", he said matter of factly.
The smaller Sinner's eye enlarged to an excited degree. "Ooooh, you want to speak to Charlie! Hold on, I'll be back in a bit…"
The door slammed shut again, with the sound of skittering and loud voices heard on the other side.
The door then flew open again.
"Alright, come on in!", the little Sinner exclaimed. "She'll be down in a moment."
The fish-Sinner slowly made his way into the building, finding himself in the middle of a large and extravagant looking hotel lobby. He could see a bar being managed by an apparently surly-looking cat, and an incredibly tall and flamboyant Sinner who was...apparently flirting with said cat.
"C'mon, Husky…I can even give ya a discount if ya want!"
"Still not buying it.", the cat replied.
Their voices were drowned out by the sounds of a woman's voice vigorously speaking with someone on a hellphone.
"Yes, dad, I know.", the Princess of Hell said as she descended the staircase. "I know you only relayed what they told you. I don't blame you or anything, but this was my big chance! I mean- Yes, I know! I did try to call you then! Your line was busy! You-wait, aunt Belphie said that? Awww, that's great! Tell her I'll-"
She stopped in her tracks once she saw the fish-Sinner standing in the lobby.
"-Hey dad? I'll call you back."
She scampered down the stairway like a puppy greeting a person at the door.
"Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh Hiii!", she said with a cheery sing-song voice.
"….Hi.", said the fish-Sinner somewhat suspiciously. The Princess look somewhat dissheveled, with her eyes red and her hair somewhat erratic.
"Welcome to the Happy Hotel! My name is Charlie, I'm the owner. And you are…?"
The fish-Sinner adjusted his spectacles. "Ahem. My name is Baxter. Is it true that you are attempting to redeem Sinners so that they may enter the Heavenly Kingdom?"
"Yes! That's exactly what we're doing. I'm so happy to see you, Baxter! Would you like to check in with us?"
Baxter rubbed his scaly chin. "Perhaps. I am a man of science, you see, and your theory intrigues me…"
"Oh, so you think it might be possible?"
Baxter snorted with laughter.
"Oh, not in the least! It seems absolutely impossible! But that's what intrigues me. This idea of yours seems gob-smacking in its madness."
"….Kay.", Charlie replied. "So then, what exactly are you doing here?"
"Like I said, I'm a man of science. Your theory may be insane, but I would like to observe it for myself. If nothing else, it will prove to be fascinating data...ummmm..."
Baxter's voice slowly died as a glowing light opened up behind him.
"And it would be absolutely entertaining!", Alastor chimed in. "That's what I've been saying this whole time!"
"Oh, there you are!", Charlie said. "Baxter, meet my co-manager Alastor."
The oozing shadowy form of the Radio Demon hopped over Baxter and materialized in front him, vigorously shaking his hand.
"A pleasure, my fishy little friend! Quite a pleasure!"
Baxter looked between all of the demons before him, utterly speechless.
This place is nuttier than a mental ward, he thought to himself.
"By the way…", Baxter said, "I should inform you that you have a very large sinkhole in front of your building. That could prove to be rather dangerous."
"Oh, we know about that already!", Charlie said as she waved her hand. "That was just from Alastor here dealing with that snake guy a few days ago."
"Snake...guy?"
So Pentious has been here? That's...concerning...
Several months later...
"It's not fair, Sera!"
Charlie's felt her hands shaking with rage. Not only did she feel a sense of indignation that was almost alien to her, but having discovered that none of these angels had any idea what exactly qualified a person to entry into Heaven was just...
Up above in the balcony, the high seraphim herself looked down at her with silent contempt. Sure, she tried to put on the image of serene neutrality, but her dismissive tone said more than the few words she had spoken. Around her were several other higher angels, many of whom Charlie had briefly spoken with earlier that day.
Vaggie hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder. "Charlie, calm down. Keep a cool head-"
"No!", Charlie yelled back, angrily shrugging off Vaggie's hand. "Don't you care, Sera? At all?! Does none of this effect you?"
She motioned to the sphere in the center of the court room, which showed the scenes of Angel Dust and the rest of her found family.
Angel. My Angel. I knew I could believe in you. I'm so proud of you…
Her first patron, Angel Dust, had not only shown kindness and decency to some of his fellow Sinners (including keeping Baxter from getting into a drunken fight with other patrons), he had also managed to convince Niffty from stealing the club's toiletries. He had even managed to stand up to Valentino, even if he knew it would cost him later.
"Can none of this convince you? Does this not prove that just because a person is a Sinner, they are still capable of making up for their mistakes? That they can turn the page and escape the flames of Hell?"
The tall, long-necked and freckles angel sighed a heavy sigh. Whether or not out of irritation or genuine concern, she could not tell.
"I know that is how you see it, dear.", she said in her warm, matronly voice. "For someone as young and idealistic as you, it all seems so clear. But I'm afraid it is not that simple…"
She looked over at her young ward, Emily. She looked confused. Even scared.
Emily.
Charlie had met her at the gates of Heaven along with Sera, and she immediately loved her. The sweet little angel had been nothing but pure joy and happiness the moment she had laid eyes on her, and they had bonded like long lost sisters. She'd shown her around Heaven, told her about all of its numerous wonders and treats, introduced her to both angels and saints alike, and she thought for a brief moment that she truly had a chance. Surely, if angels were as nice and unconditionally loving as Emily, then she could succeed in her goal.
Sera had destroyed that illusion fairly quickly. Emily herself seemed to feel the same. Just moments ago she had been asking Sera why exactly Angel Dust wasn't here in Heaven with them. After all, he had shown that a soul could improve.
"Excuse me...but what are we even talking about here?!"
From across the room, the Exorcist known as Lute shouted in abject fury. The strange white-haired angel had been nothing but vicious and sneering as soon as she had entered the room. She had still worn her uniform, which appeared to still have dried blood stains on it. Emily had introduced her as their top 'demon hunter'. Vaggie had been incredibly uneasy around her. Charlie figured it was remaining trauma from when she had found her after that fateful Extermination three years ago. Whatever had happened to her, she'd managed to pull through by sheer willpower.
She pointed at the sphere. "Need I remind everyone in this court just who exactly we're talking about? This...degenerate hooker who has filled himself with so many intoxicating substances he could technically be classified as a walking pharmacology lab?!"
Charlie felt rage grow inside her. The same kind of rage she felt when she saw how Valentino had been treating Angel.
"Damn straight, babe!", the larger, horned angel named next to her exclaimed. "If he ain't here, he's a fucking loser. He had his chance, and he wasted it. Hell is forever, kid."
He raised up his fist. "Good shit, dangertits. Fist bump!"
The other angel fist bumped him. "Thank you Adam, sir."
Adam.
Charlie did not like Adam. At all. She knew from experience who he was: the leader of the Extermination. The one responsible for leading the annual genocide of her people, even though he didn't act any better than many of her subjects.
That he was, in fact, the First Man and the father of humans somehow made her feel sick to her stomach. That he would so cruelly and callously erase thousands of his own descendants every single year only made him worse in her eyes. Then, of course, there was the whole thing with her mother...although her parents had always been somewhat tight-lipped about all of that. But seeing him now it explained so much.
"As my superior so aptly put it-", Lute continued, "This crack whore already had his shot when he was alive, and what did he do with it? He squandered it, on drugs, on illicit sex, and that's not even getting into all of the people he murdered for his mob boss father. Frankly, this entire case is a waste of time and our patience."
Charlie slowly breathed in and out, getting her anger in check.
"But that's not just what this is about…"
Adam immediately cut her off.
"Sorry, kid. We made it that way and we ain't changing shit."
"You did nothing.", Charlie shot back.
"Oh, I'm sorry...", he responded mockingly. "But considering what you did, you don't have a leg to stand on."
"What I did?", Charlie responded incredulously.
"You fuckin' heard me, bitch.", he responded while flipping her the double bird. "Acting like a perfect little angel after you fucking ghosted on me like you did…"
"….What?"
"Yeah, that's right. We had a meeting, kid.", he sneered back. "I took time out of my busy day of being awesome just so I could talk with your skank ass. I had a perfectly good plate of spare ribs ready to go for lunch, but because of you I had to fuckin' order out like a basic bitch…thought it was some pretty bitchin' thai food so..."
Charlie looked over at Vaggie, who could only shrug her shouldrs.
"But Adam...you gave my father a bad address! I couldn't meet with you because our meeting place was an empty condemned building!"
"Sounds like a skill issue to me.", he responded. "Then again your dad was always a total retar-"
"Adam", Sera said sternly.
"-Ahem, sorry. But hey, ain't none of that shit my fault."
"But I even went there!", Charlie answered back. "I was even getting ready to pull off the boards to get inside!"
Adam's eyes shot wide. "Holy fucking shit, you actually went there?!"
"I-"
"That is hilarious!"
The angel burst out laughing, his stomach shaking with every single guffaw.
"I can't...that's just...I...holy shit I can't breathe…"
Charlie's eyes slowly began to turn red.
"Jesus fuckin'…thanks kid, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. You'd have thought that all of the huge signs saying 'KEEP OUT' would have maybe told you-"
"It was you who told us to go there!"
"Kid, we haven't set foot in that place in three decades. Any idiot could tell that place is bad news-"
"Adam.", Sera admonished again.
"What?!", he yelled back. "This shit ain't no secret! Not like I'm talking about the Extermnatio-oh fuck."
Every single voice in the court room suddenly gasped into silence.
Charlie raised a curious eyebrow as she looked around the court. This response seemed...odd.
It was Emily who broke the silence.
"Extermination?", she asked. "Sera, what's he talking about?"
The older Seraphim sighed. "Emily, dear, there are some things that I didn't want to-"
"He murders us.", Charlie interrupted. "Slaughters us. Him and his Exterminator army. Every single year."
Emily looked between Sera and Charlie, her face paralyzed with confusion.
"Wait a second…"
She fluttered down from the top balcony and landed in front of Adam. "What are you saying? Are you telling me that you go down there and erase all of those souls?"
Adam rolled his eyes irritably. "Fuck, me and my big mouth…"
Charlie looked over at Vaggie again, whose lips were quivering with anger.
"Emily…", she said as she slowly walked to the middle of the room. "Are you saying that you didn't know about this?"
"No!", she yelled back on the verge of tears. "Of course I didn't know! This...this is horrible! All of those people we..."
The little angel whipped around and looked up at the older Seraphim in the balcony. "Sera, please tell me you didn't know about this! You can't have! You would never do something like this!"
All eyes moved to the High Seraphim.
"Emily…", she began, barely keeping her calm appearance together. "My beloved Emily. I love you more than you can possibly know. So much that...I didn't want you to share such a heavy burden as I do..."
"No…", Emily softly responded. Her eyes were filling with tears.
"Please!", Sera shouted back, her voice filled with sorrow. She fluttered down to the court room floor and took the younger angel's hands in her own. "You must listen to me. I didn't want you to find out like this…"
"No…", Emily said again, slightly louder.
"Emily, please, you have to listen to me! I didn't make this decision lightly. I had no other choice-"
The little angel angrily turned around and pointed her hand towards the sphere.
"Show me.", she commanded.
"Emily, wait-", Sera tried to interrupt.
"Show. Me.", Emily commanded again. The room filled with light as the sphere began to shift to another view.
What it showed filled the entire court room with horrified screams...
Images of Sinners running for their afterlives as the Exorcists rained down on them from above, swarming upon them like locusts. They witnessed the terrifying angels skewering Sinners with their holy spears, slicing them apart with their swords, mounting their heads on sticks. Men, women...even what looked like a child.
But that wasn't all, because to their horror they realized that the victims weren't exclusively Sinners.
Emily slowly walked toward the sphere in shock. "That..that's…"
She pointed to the image of a small horned creature with red skin, running in terror as an Exterminator pursued them before being tackeled to the ground and stabbed, begging for its life the entire time.
"...That's an Imp...a Hellborn. They're killing a Hellborn!"
Gasps came from the balconies. Angels shouted out in realization of what was done in their name.
"That's what they do every year?!"
"But they told me it was to clear out the monstrous demons from overpopulating!"
"How could this happen? How could they do this?!"
"A child! A child was murdered!"
"Those poor creatures! They must have had families!"
Charlie could only look around in dumbstruck silence, shaking her head.
I can't believe it. They really didn't know. None of them do.
"Sera…", Emily began to say, softly. "Tell me the truth."
"Emily…", Sera answered. "My wonderful little angel...You have to understand that it wasn't an easy call to make…"
"I'm not a child, Sera!", the little angel yelled back with surprising fury. "Don't try to condescend to me like I am one. I don't care what your excuses are. I'm your subordinate. You're supposed to tell me things like this!"
Sera's eyes were filled with hurt.
Then they were filled with fear.
"Emily, wait...think about what you're doing…"
"Everything you've told me, everything you've taught me...was it all a lie? Was I just too naive to realize that you're a..a hypocrite?! That you can allow him-"
She angrily pointed at Adam and Lute.
"-to just do whatever he wants up to mass murder and still be allowed to remain up here?"
Sera couldn't respond. She found the words stuck in her throat.
Emily whipped around and fluttered over to Charlie, taking her hands in hers.
"Charlie, Vaggie...I'm so sorry. I didn't know about this. I didn't know about any of this…"
Vaggie didn't respond, only looking angrily at the floor.
"You get me now, right?", Charlie answered. "Do you understand now? What I've been trying to say?"
"Yes!", Emily said through tears. "I get it. I do…"
She looked up to Sera with fury in her blue eyes.
"Heaven...is a lie.", she said through gritted teeth.
Sera's eyes filled with stark terror. "Emily, don't say that-"
"If we condemn all of those people to eternal torment, to make them suffer only for us to then kill them again…"
Charlie placed her hand on Emily's shoulder. "My father told me not to trust in angels…"
She looked up into the balconies of the court room again. Every angel was aggressively discussing these revelations. Some were yelling, shaking their fists. Others angrily pointed at the scenes on the sphere with shaky hands. One was even weeping in the arms of another.
Emily reached up and touched Charlie's hand. "I don't think I can blame you…"
"...And it would not be for nothing that Her Highness (long may she reign) had her fears. Though she had witnessed a particularly brutal Extermination several months previous, she had no idea how brutal the next one would be. Indeed, the first Extermination to happen since the opening of her Hotel would prove to put her vision to a true Trial By Fire.
However, she did not simply plan. With the aid of her co-horts, work immediately began on building up their defenses and shoring up assistance for the coming battle. With the aid of the Radio Demon, she made an incredibly fruitful alliance with one of Old Hell's most influential Overlord: Rosie, leader of the Cannibal Colony (now known as the Cannibal Town Historic District), who not only offered council on things both public and personal, but also assisted her in gathering an army of volunteers from the Cannibal Sinners themselves (though Her Highness in the end proved to do the lion's share of the work).
At the same time, her consort Vagatha was also working actively for her cause. In the month since the fateful events in the Heavenly court, they had discovered that the Exorcists did in fact have a weakness: the very blessed weapons that they used to slaughter Sinners was also, in fact, the instruments of their own demise. Furthermore, their training was almost entirely centered around offense rather than defense (as it was thought that they were far too powerful a foe for the lowly Hell dweller). Through a fruitful deal that was struck with yet another Overlord (the notorious arms dealer Carmilla Carmine), Vagatha was able to acquire a surplus of both blessed arms and blessed ammunition.
And, of course, the Hotel staff and guests themselves were hard at work. In the immediate days before the Extermination commenced, they through themselves into their labor fortifying the building. Windows were covered in bars, doors were blocked with wooden beams, barricades from excess furniture were constructed in order to mount a defense. Baxter, who had been the Hotel's second patron, devised ingenious technological contraptions that could be operated from within the building.
Yet, on the faithful day that the Extermination came, all of these plans were put to a most strenuous test. Like ravenous vultures descending upon a corpse, the Exterminators descended upon the Hotel with fury. Adam could not tolerate the insult he had suffered at the hands of Her Highness, and he and his second-in-command Lute were determined to raze the Hotel to the ground, with Her Highness and the rest with it. Positioning themselves just outside of the Hotel's entrance, Her Highness and her troops made their stand.
But as historians and scholars before me have documented, the Exorcists' attack proved too ferocious to bear. Alastor, with his powers, was himself quite formidable, but even he was not strong enough against the First Man, nor was the combined might of the Sinner army able to keep up the attack for long.
Indeed, though it must be said that they made a valiant effort. Many Exorcists met their end in this battle, and Her Highness proved one and for all that they could, in fact, be killed. No, they were not invincible, and furthermore they proved to be rather poor warriors in substance, with the obvious weaknesses of their training easily exploited.
And yet, it was not enough. As the Cannibal legions were decimated and the legions of Heaven poured down upon them, Her Highness made the difficult decision to retreat. Ordering all of her guests and staff into the Hotel, she firmly locked the door behind her and prepared for a siege. These actions, although quite rational in hindsight, proved calamitous for Her Highness's reputation then. Many would call her a coward; one who had said great words about defending one's home, yet in the end was forced to flee into the protection of her property.
For eight long hours, Her Highness and her guests hunkered down within the Hotel, enduring the destructive attacks of the Exorcists as they attempted to demolish the building. Though the sorcery of Her Highness proved strong against these attacks, even they could only hold out for so long. Those who visit the Happy Hotel Memorial Museum today will notice that, though significant parts of the original building still survive, there are also significant parts that do not. Everything from the original neon signage, much of the seventh and eighth floors, many of the windows, the more fanciful features such as the Galleon and others were destroyed during the attack. One floor even collapsed onto another, rather infamously destroying the original room that Baxter had made his home. Yet, through the combined efforts of Alastor (and, it was rumored, her father Lucifer Magne I), they survived. Battered they were, and exhausted...but they endured.
This, as many scholars and students of history know, only enraged the Exorcists more. As their attacks proved increasingly fruitless, parts of the legion peeled off onto independent hunts. As is also now well know, these legions shamefully not only focused upon the Sinner population, but also the Hellborn population as well. Though it went against the agreement that Lucifer had made under duress, no Hellborn was safe: Imps, Hellhounds, Succubi and Incubi, and all other children of the Rings found themselves victims of this Heavenly death squad. As was also known, many would also make their ways to Imp City (which had a small Sinner population as well) where they would reign down their fury upon Sinner and Hellborn alike.
Of course, that is not to say that nothing was done in defense. Members of the Imp community, some of whom were under the direction of the Imp Liberation Front (later renamed the Imp Freedom League under the leadership of Chairman Fyewackett), as well as their co-horts in the Pentagram (led by later disgraced activist Paizana) set up defenses against the Exorcists as well as shelters to house potential victims. Many of them were also aided by the Hellhound population (including early members of the Hellhound Underground), and various Lust folk and others. They also arranged temporary transport to the Wrath Ring in extreme cases.
As to how the Exorcists were able to get away with this blatant criminal activity for so long, Her Highness could only confirm to me that it was something of an open secret among Hell inhabitants, yet was unknown to the majority of inhabitants of Old Heaven.
The ramifications of these revelations would shake the Heavenly Kingdom to its core, but it would only be the beginning. For as other historians will note, Heaven was not wrong in closing their embassy, for something far more dangerous than any inhabitant of the Realms Seen and Unseen lurked within..."
- Excerpt from On The History and Effects of the Exterminations, by Adonisus.
CHAPTER 29 END