A/N: Those of you who've commented on how specific these stories sometimes are, you're right! A lot of them are calls I've run or my co-workers have. That being said, they are changed so that they fit in the right time. Sorry about any discrepancies regarding decade appropriate mistakes throughout all my work. Enjoy this, mostly factual, slightly embellished, full moon night call.
"Squad 51, respond to an unknown type rescue, 132 Ridge Road, 1-3-2 Ridge Road, time out 0137."
Throwing off their covers, the two assigned to the squad rolled out of bed with a groan. "I hate unknown type rescues," Johnny grumbled, fumbling with the zipper on his jacket.
"Especially this time a' night," the usually silent sufferer complained out loud.
Johnny nodded in agreement as he squinted at the map on the wall. He didn't recognize the address immediately, so he took the extra seconds to get a good idea of where it was. "Oh," he muttered. Roy looked at him. "Ridge road is on a ridge."
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Ridge road came to an end. Roy looked left and Johnny looked right. "I think there's a dirt road off this way," Johnny said doubtfully.
"Here," Roy said, flicking the switch to turn their spotlights on.
"Are those ruts tire tracks…?" Johnny trailed off. Roy turned onto the questionable road, thanking the EMS gods it didn't rain all that often. Cresting the hill, they came to an empty field. "It's a field," Johnny astutely observed.
"I see that."
"Should we investigate?" Johnny questioned, not particularly liking the idea of getting out on foot, alone, at the top of a dark ridge at two in the morning.
"I suppose," Roy said with just as much trepidation. "Let's stay close."
The two walked around the field, only finding abandoned cars and an empty woodshed. "There's nothing up here, Roy," Johnny concluded, "Let's see if LA has any better idea."
With a nod, the two returned to the safety of their squad. "Squad 51 to LA," Roy said into the radio mic. "Can we have an address confirmation, we're supposedly on scene, but there's only an empty field up here."
After several moments of silence, "LA to Squad 51, try 123 Ridge Road, 1-2-3 Ridge Road. Per our notes, it's down what's marked to be a gravel driveway from the last fire inspection."
"Copy," Roy said into the radio.
"I didn't see a gravel driveway, did you see a gravel driveway, Roy?" Johnny grumbled as he slid his helmet back on. Roy shook his head. "I hate full moons."
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"There!" Johnny pointed out. Little red had made it back to the paved road and Roy was backtracking, looking for gravel. At Johnny's direction, he saw some gravel in the unkempt grass. "And there's a house further down," Johnny saw.
Roy squinted, "Looks more like a shed if you ask me," Roy commented as he turned. Following the sparse gravel, they came to a small clearing with a car parked to the side. In the clearing were two structures and a gate to a farm area. Roy hit the brakes and they stopped, looking around. The 'house' Johnny saw was indeed a mobile home raised on cinder blocks. There were milk crates bridging the steps up to the door, which was creepily hanging off a single door hinge. "That's safe," Roy muttered under his breath, thinking one earthquake would cause the structure to fall. In front of the home, there was a tarp roof covering tables with various items, looking as if out on display.
"Looks like they're set up for a yard sale," Johnny observed, looking out his window.
To the left of the tables was a gate leading to a farm area. "Should we go that way?" Johnny questioned, "Looks more like a barnyard."
Ferocious barking and growling coming from the behind the gate made the decision easy for Roy, "Let's see where this goes," he inclined with his head. To the right side of the building, the gravel continued between the not earthquake safe structure and a smaller shed. At the bottom of a hill a faint light could be seen.
"That's gonna be a tight fit," Johnny pointed out, looking at the crammed road between the mobile home and the shed, neither of them thought about the car parked in the clearing instead of down the lane. Roy began creeping the squad forward, but stopped when Johnny shouted, "There's lines!"
Roy stopped and looked up, an extension cord was suspended between the two roofs, drooping low in the middle and disappearing into a hole in the wall. "That's up to code," Roy questioned the safety of this property again, wondering how it passed the last fire inspection.
"Squad 51 to LA," Johnny said into the mic this time while Roy backed up. Roy raised an eyebrow, not sure what John was going to say.
"Go ahead."
"Can we have law enforcement up here, we're going to have to proceed on foot."
"Good idea," Roy said over LA's response. "Let's wait for them back up on the main road," Roy suggested, already in the process of turning the squad around.
"Did you see that light at the bottom of the driveway?" Johnny asked, wishing he could turn around to look behind him as Roy drove away.
"Was it an actual house this time?" Roy questioned his partner with a smirk. Johnny just shrugged and remained silent, which made Roy smile wider.
With Vince and his rookie in tow, the two vehicles proceeded back to the clearing. Johnny hopped out of the squad, grabbing the biophone and drug box, accidentally slamming the compartment door open. The tied up dog growled and several geese honked and ruffled their feathers from behind the gate, offended at the noise. "Sorry," Johnny muttered to them. Roy smirked as he pulled the datascope and oxygen from the opened compartments. John's face lit up suddenly and Roy waited, knowing what was about to happen, "Hey Roy," Johnny said with a grin, "You could say, we're on a wild goose chase." The dog growled louder.
"Keep that up and we're outta here," Vince said with a smirk, directing his rookie to make up the rear.
Roy, turning the mood back to a professional one, "It's down that driveway."
"Nice place ya' got here," Vince observed, taking in his surroundings in the vehicle's headlights. "I see why you wanted back up," he admitted, his eyes resting on the door hanging open above the milk crate steps, hand resting on his pistol.
"Yeah," Roy trailed off. He didn't really want to get shot at tonight.
The four started down the steep driveway, all taking turns slipping on the loose gravel, but somehow managing to not fall, until, "Oof," Johnny exclaimed. His latest slip brought him to the ground. Looking up, he found he was staring into a pair of eyes, but they weren't human eyes. "What the-" Scrambling up, he looked closer at the animal the eyes were attached too. A pair of horns pulled his attention first before he recognized the shape as a goat. The goat looked forlornly back at him while Johnny's audience chuckled. "Was not expecting that," Johnny muttered as he dusted himself off and picked his equipment back up.
"Quit fooling around with the kid, kid," Roy said in an amused voice, already further down the hill. Johnny glared at him.
"It's trapped," Vince's rookie observed, directing his flashlight toward the horned animal.
"We'll get to it later," Vince directed without much conviction. "Let's find the human first."
At the bottom of the hill, there was a small garden and a screened in front porch. "There's the house," Johnny said, trying to recover his dignity.
"We need to work on your definition of a house," Roy deadpanned, looking at the RV with a permanent porch built at the front door.
"If someone lives there, it could be labeled as a house," Johnny argued, opening the screen door to the porch. "I call my apartment my home, how is that any different?"
"Let me go in first," Vince suggested, stopping the conversation by pulling his gun out of the holster.
"Good idea," Roy said, letting Vince pass him. "And a house and a home aren't the same thing," Roy whispered.
"LA County Sheriff's Department!" Vince hollered as he knocked loudly on the door. Silence answered his call. Vince's rookie did the same thing, but to the back window. At that footsteps could be heard through the walls.
The door opened a crack, "You'd better get on outta here," the voice threatened, followed by the sound of a shotgun cocking.
"We're with the Fire Department!" Roy quickly clarified. The door opened further and a woman stuck her head out. "Did you call for help?" Roy asked, trying not to look threatening while carrying boxes of equipment.
"No." Then the door closed, the lock audibly clicking.
"Alright then," Johnny murmured, "What now?"
"At least someone was home to answer the door?" the rookie unhelpfully said as the four regrouped.
"See, he calls it a home," Johnny pointed out, smiling knowing he had a possible ally in his argument.
Roy rolled his eyes and keyed up his handy talky, "Squad 51, LA." When LA answered, "Are you aware of any additional structures in the nearby area? 123 Ridge did not call emergency services."
Vince asked the same thing to his dispatcher. With nothing else to do, the four began the trek back up the hill. At the goat, "It's still stuck," the rookie obviously observed.
"Did you think it was gonna free itself in the five minutes we were down there?" Vince asked.
Shaking his head, the rookie said, "I'm gonna free it," changing his statement to a question, "Can I free it?"
Roy and John looked at each other, their faces saying, "This is probably a bad idea, but could be fun."
Vince narrowed his eyes, then raised his arms in surrender, "Sure, why not. Gage and DeSoto are already here."
"Might as well make lugging this stuff around worth it," Johnny added with a smirk, grinning at the side eye he received from the new policeman.
The rookie studied the goat's predicament. A vine, growing up a tree, was tangled around the collar and the goats neck, trapping it. "How did you manage this?" the rookie said, tucking his flashlight in his duty belt to free both hands. The goat bleated and jumped up at the rookie. "Don't head butt me, I'm trying to help you!" the green police officer directed as he attempted to untangle the vine, much to the amusement of everyone else. "There ya go!" he jubilantly said when the vine gave way. The goat stepped away from the tree, testing its freedom. Its eyes wandered over at the four uniformed men. Picking his victim, he started picking up speed, running at Johnny.
"Oh no you don't," Johnny said, picking up his pace.
"Don't get in the squad!" Roy shouted after him, "Unless you wanna explain that to Charlie!" Roy began to chase the goat chasing his partner, the police officers following him.
"LA, Squad 51," the radio called, unaware they were interrupting a chase. Roy, keeping one eye on Johnny and the other on the goat, answered. "Additional information on your location."
"Go ahead," Roy prompted, slightly out of breath as he jogged up this hill to catch up with Johnny. Johnny had reached the clearing and the goat was still following him. Johnny was leading the goat around the parked car in circles. If it were any other situation, Roy might laugh.
Blissfully unaware, LA continued, "There's another building reported to the left, down the gravel driveway and behind a gate."
While LA updated Roy, the goat stopped circling Johnny when it saw the gate, the same gate LA advised to go through. Behind it, a handful of other goats lined up, bleating and seemingly prompting the lost goat in. The gate was closed, but opened inwards with no real latch. The goat appeared to start assessing the problem, then began fixing it, head butting it open. Johnny watched with a gaping mouth, still crouched from behind the hood of the car.
"Squad 51, do you copy?" Came the voice of LA. Everyone watching the events unfold were speechless.
"Copy," Roy said distractedly. Finally, the gate opened and the goat skipped in, joining his friends as they trotted off.
"Roy," Johnny said, "Did that goat just…"
Roy blinked. "It would appear so."
"Adam 7, Copy," the police rookie said into their radio, as they received the same information just a few seconds later. Updating his dispatcher he added, "Looks like the goat just opened the gate up for us."
"Adam 7?" their dispatcher questioned back.
"Stand by for a landline," Vince overtook the bizarre conversation happening on a recorded line. He couldn't reprimand his trainee, also not believing the events they found themselves witnessing. "Guys?" Vince haltingly said.
"Yep," Roy simply replied. "I think the goat led us right in."
"Very gentlemanly of him," Johnny recovered, smirking at the ridiculousness they found themselves in. "Suppose we oughta go and look," and he followed the horned animal.
"Johnny," Roy said, still behind and jogging to catch up, "Wait for the rest of us." At the gate, he cautiously eyed the geese.
"Don't worry, Roy," Johnny said, catching his partner's gaze, "I won't let the geese get you." At that, the geese started flapping their wings, upset at the addition of four newcomers in their yard. "You don't say," Roy muttered, closing the gate behind him.
"Is that a structure down there?" Vince asked, his flashlight illuminating a corner of a building.
"Not a human one," Roy said, sizing up a three walled shelter.
"Now, would you call that a home? Cause it's a home to these guys," Johnny waved his arms around, still carrying the biophone and drugbox.
"It's a barn," Roy countered.
"I'd say it's a home," the rookie agreed with Johnny.
At that, a keening wail echoed the area and everyone stopped in their tracks. "I want outta here," Johnny admitted.
"I don't see anything worth searching," Roy agreed. "Let's go back to the barn," he thoughtlessly said. Johnny gave him a pointed look, Vince smirked. "Let's go home," he tried again.
John now had ammo, "You just called the station a barn and then a home when it's neither! Why is it not a home when it's an actual barn?" A donkey loudly brayed his opinion, causing everyone to jump.
Sighing heavily, "Let's leave," Roy ordered the four.
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"Now, what's your definition of a home?" Johnny pestered as they drove back to the station, Vince and the rookie having left ahead of them on another call.
Reluctantly playing along, "Wherever you live I guess," said, knowing he was going to regret answering at all.
"Okay, so following that line of logic, why would it not apply to animals? If they live in a place, that's their home."
"That wasn't even the first point," Roy reminded, "The question was the definition of a house, not a home."
"They're the same thing! The exact same thing!"
"I disagree," Roy said, wondering at the same time why he was still talking. "A house is a physical place, a home is more a," he paused, trying to find the right word, "More a feeling than a building."
"But," Johnny said, holding a hand up, "Does a house have to be a certain size to be a house?"
Roy sighed. "I guess not," he whispered, not believing what Johnny had done.
"What's that?" Johnny asked, smiling.
"You heard me," Roy grumbled good naturedly. He promptly ignored his grinning partner and focused on the road. In the distance, silhouetted by the full moon, was a shape he was not expecting to see standing in the middle of the road. He took his foot off the gas, which did catch Johnny's attention.
"What's going on Roy? Are we breaking down?" Johnny hadn't noticed the barnyard visitor, too busy basking in his own light at actually winning one of his pointless arguments.
"I want to be lying, Johnny, I really do," Roy started.
"We are breaking down," Johnny assumed the worst, putting his head in his hands, "We'll still have to talk to Charlie," Johnny lamented, "Even though it didn't get head butted by a goat."
"No," Roy stopped his partner's train of thought, ignoring how odd that sounded. "There's a cow."
"What?"
"There's a cow," Roy repeated.
"No there's not," Johnny refused to believe, head still in hands.
"Look up," Roy ordered, flicking the spotlight switch on again.
"There's a cow."
They both stared at the large mammal in the road, unsure of what to do. After a pause, Roy flicked their emergency lights on. The cow blinked. He switched their siren to yelp next. No movement. "You used to live on a ranch," Roy recalled, "Do something."
"I'm no monkey to poke a stick at," Johnny smirked, aware he knew more than Roy in this topic. After Roy huffed, presumably at the mention of another mammal, "Fine," Johnny gave in, crawling out of his seat and closing the door gently. Roy watched from behind the steering wheel, curious.
First, it appeared Johnny shouted at it. The cow continued chewing its cud. Next Johnny slapped the cow's rear. The cow turned its head and looked at him with little interest, then turned back around. Johnny looked at the squad and shrugged, raising his hands in the air and heading to one of the compartments, Roy would bet money he was going for the ropes. Hearing the compartment open, recognizing the squeak of the hinges on that door, he sighed and picked up the radio. If the ropes were out, they would have to go out of service. "Squad 51, LA," he started with an eye roll, knowing anyone listening wouldn't believe him, "Go ahead and show us out of service, our road is blocked by-" he couldn't say it, "We'll advise further."
"Squad 51, out of service, 0221." Roy hoped Captain Stanley wasn't still awake to hear that.
"Going out of service for a cow," he muttered unbelievably while he stepped out of the squad.
"Roy, don't close the-"
Roy closed the door before Johnny could finish.
"Oof!" Johnny grunted for the second time that night as the cow dragged him across the road by the lasso he had already tied and looped the cow's head.
"Oh shi-Johnny!" Roy cursed as he watched his partner get pulled along, chasing and calling after him, "Let go John!"
The cow stopped a couple hundred feet from the squad. Johnny, picking himself off the ground, was able to carefully ease the rope off the spooked animal's head. "Don't get any closer, pally," John directed his partner, feeling Roy coming up behind him. "That's a good heifer," he murmured gently, while rubbing the cow's neck. He backed away with open arms, holding the rope loosely in front of him. The cow huffed, then walked away from them, stopping to eat some grass.
Catching up with Roy, "Well, that wasn't fun," Johnny summed up his rescue, dusting dirt off.
"You okay?" Roy asked incredulously, scanning his partner from head to toe.
"Couple scrapes and bruises," Johnny admitted, starting to wrap the rope back up as they walked toward the squad, "But I'll live." Roy raised an eyebrow doubtfully. "I'm just thankful I'm in my bunker gear, that would've torn up my pants."
"Small mercies," Roy deadpanned, still assessing his partner to make sure he wasn't lying. When Johnny wasn't wincing or favoring any limb, he let it go. Instead, "Why didn't you let go?"
"Two reasons," Johnny began to answer, a sparkle in his eye. "One, this is the top rope,"
Roy cut him off, "You used the good rope on a cow?" He had been leaving against John's door to the squad, but now stood up, head tilted.
"I didn't wanna dig around for used rope," Johnny defended, replacing the rope back at the top in the bag. "Anyway," he continued before Roy, who rolled his eyes and leaned back against the door, could interrupt again, "It's the good rope, and two, the cow was liable to die with a rope stuck around its neck. I'm not gonna be responsible for killing a cow like that." John shut the compartment door.
"It's liable to die standing in the middle of the road," Roy muttered as he walked back to the driver's side, but accepted John's answers.
"LA, Squad 51, what's your status?" the even-voiced dispatcher called out.
"You put us outta service?" Johnny asked, somewhat surprised.
"Our ropes were tied up," Roy started with a sparkle in his eye, "And I figured something would happen. You getting dragged halfway across a field wasn't what I had in mind." He snatched the mic off the clip before Johnny could as they settled back into their seats, "Squad 51, the way is now clear, we're back in service."
"Squad 51, okay," the dispatcher said curiously.
"I guess," Johnny said, then he started laughing, unable to finish his sentence, "I guess we're baaaack in service after telling the cow to mooove on along." Roy snorted in laughter, and the two became useless for a moment, caught up in the complete absurdity they had just encountered.
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Roy sighed when he spotted the dayroom light on. He knew Captain Stanley would probably be waiting for them when they got back. He had followed radio protocol, mostly, and so had LA, mostly, but going out of service on a way back from a call wasn't a common thing. Finally turning the engine off, Roy looked at Johnny and cocked his head toward the dayroom. Johnny nodded, he had seen the light too. Climbing out of the driver seat, he heard footsteps. John came around the front of the squad, the paper slip with call information in hand.
Looking at his younger medic, Hank did a doubletake, "What happened to you?" John still had dirt caking his turnouts, navy blue jacket, up his face, and on his neck, along with various scrapes.
"Umm," Johnny trailed off. Turning to Roy he said with the side of his mouth, "What exactly did we go out of service for?"
"Yes, I'd like you to 'advise further'," Hank ordered.
"Well," Roy started, surprisingly hesitant. "There was,-"
"A whole farm out there," Johnny jumped in, "We ran into more animals than we did humans," Johnny summed up. "Vince's rookie freed a goat, the goat didn't attack me, but opened a gate and escorted us onto the farm where we needed to search. Then, as we were tryna leave the farm, or home, depending on what your definition of home is," Hank's eyes narrowed in warning, so Gage cleared his throat and got to the point, "A heifer halted our attempt home to the barn." Hank put his hands on his hips. "I swear, Cap."
Roy nodded in confirmation, "Which is why we had to go out of service."
"Then, I may or may not have been dragged halfway across a field by said cow," Johnny quietly and quickly finished.
"I see," Hank said, staring at his two medics.
"But now we're baaack in service," John tried his new joke on a different audience. Roy and Johnny could see the amusement in their Captain's eyes and that one side of his mouth rose in a poor attempt to hide his smirk, but they still felt the need to hold their breath, so they did. "I don't think you could've made that up if you tried," Hank finally said, following it up with a laugh. Roy and Johnny puffed out a breath. "Go shower Gage, you look like you've been rolling around a pig pen." Roy and John smirked at each other before John left for the latrines. Hank didn't miss their look, "Exactly how many animals were there?" he asked as they made their way to the dayroom.
"About ten goats, a dog was caged around there somewhere, a gaggle of geese, a donkey I think, and the cow of course," Roy recounted. Hank raised his eyebrow again, which led to Roy retelling the whole story, both with tears of laughter by the end.
"Sounds like you got the whole barnyard collection," Hank added his quip with a smile. "This'll be one for the logs," Hank laughed.
Roy groaned. "How are we gonna log this one?" he asked the room rhetorically.
"Easy," Gage answered, walking through the doorway, "A four legged type rescue, times two."
"You know," Stanley said, drawing out the silence as he thought, "I'll allow it." Three grins broke out amongst the firefighters. "I can't wait to hear you tell this to the rest of the guys in the morning," Hank admitted.
"Can we leave out the part about the cow draggin' me?" Johnny asked hopefully.
"No way junior, that's the icing on the cake."
"Yep, definitely home," Johnny rolled his eyes, "I'm going to bed."
"Night, Junior," Roy said with a genuine smile.
Hank watched the interaction between the two. He knew he was missing something, but didn't want to ask. "Well," Hank said, gently slapping his hands on the table, a gleam creeping into his eyes, "I'm gonna hit the hay."
"I love full moons," Roy said to the sleeping basset hound on the couch.
A/N: If you were curious, everything up to lassoing the cow, (it eventually moved out of the way), off the road was real. Scouts honor.