How had he ended up like this?

Otto was minding his own business as usual, you know that basic things, making bad economical gambles, getting into shady dealings with shady people not that he means to almost getting robbed in broad daylightmaybe father was right, i was not fit to be a merchant and yes, yes it might seem all too troublesome but it wasn't anything he wasn't used to.

Well, all that changed when he met that strange man.

Natsuki Subaru, an odd name for sure, and an even odder fellow odder? Is that even a word? a man in strange garments, with a strange haircut, and even stranger mutterings nice one otto, three for threethat erratic and quizzical sort of confidence it was enough to enchant anyone, the epitome of charisma that man was.

Well at least that was the case when the guard was there, and when he was being saved from getting arrested for underpaying his carriage ride, not that he meant to, you see his wallet got snatched on the way to the capital and he didn't bother to check if he had enough coin for the ride, so really it wasn't his fault, no it definitely was not that he wasn't thankful when Natsuki-San procured a gold coin and heroically saved him from a debt that he didn't wish to have placed on him.

He was grateful, he really was, and he was even more moved when the man also offered to buy some of his merchandise, at a very generous sum even, and he also promised get him someone who'll buy the rest of his stock, now Otto was just ecstatic, so utterly grateful, he was moved to tears, how couldn't he, this saint of a man, a heaven sent for sure.

And if only it was just that, only if it just ended at that the man was...Otto didn't want to be rude to this saint but you see he was really weird, he spoke words that no one knew, and talked as if he had known him for a lifetime and some more, and Otto has met strange people before, of course he has, disregarding the fact that Otto is a magnet for trouble, and he'd like to make it apparent that he did not choose his bad luck at birth, so he'd rather hear none of it, Natsuki-San has already made fun of that enough.

Oh, what was he saying? Ah yes strange people, as a merchant you tend to encounter many of them, odd fellowship is a merchant's bane of existence, or Maybe that's just an Otto problem, it's definitely an Otto problem isn't it?

And Otto is nervous, unnaturally nervous, he just has a feeling that something bad will happen, there's an aching in his chest, his lungs struggling to keep air circulation, and he just wants to heave it all out, to just break down in tears, to just grab Natsuki-San, and pull him close, and hold him in a death grip of a hug, and how he would wail for hours on end, and maybe then Natsuki-San would push him away, and laugh, he'd say "oh cry me a river Otto." And he would, yes he would, he'd drown the whole country in his tears if asked to.

But Otto won't do that, no he wouldn't dare do that, he couldn't show his disgusting self yet, he has to keep his good image now more than ever, Natsuki-San is watching, eyes darting back and forth, as if saying "You're going off script" and he is, he's not much of an actor, he'd never been in a play, and h-he doesn't know the scenario, he doesn't know how the play ends, but he can't imagine it'll end in a happy tune.

And he looks at Subaru's face and he can't believe himself, in one little dark corner of his heart, a voice screamed to him, "too good to be true" and he'd agree, who would save this failure of a merchant and ask for nothing in return, and he did ask him, but the man just laughed and said "You and I, we're going to have sooooo many adventures together!" That fake cheerfulness of his was intoxicating, and Otto knows a thing or two about being intoxicated, not that he learned when to stop, but he swears to change that today.

So he decides to look past that cheerful facade, and he sees that all encompassing melancholy behind his gaze, it hits him like a riptide, Otto couldn't help thinking that.

And it all seemed too suspicious, and his savior was so uncomfortably distrustful, so so much, almost as if it was by design, as if saying to the world "go on, look at me, I know you know I'm weird, I know you don't want to trust me, so don't, I couldn't be bothered to care anyways, hate me, fear me it means nothing to me."

An act so well crafted that Otto almost believed it, and he thought he was about to give his soul to the devil, yet he didn't stop, why didn't heno he didn't mind, if Natsuki-San wanted his soul he'd gladly give it all, but that wasn't it was it?

Natsuki-San was human, painfully human.

So who would save him and ask for nothing in return? He asked himself again, and the answer was very simple Natsuki Subaru, and then it hit him.

And it was all so simple, and the signs were all there, screaming for him to figure out this unspoken puzzle, break the strings holding him, no he wasn't an actor, he was a puppet, and he glances at Subaru, and there are no strings.

Oh Natsuki-San already escaped, he was a real boy now, but he didn't look one bit saved, Otto bets and he's not a betting man but he bets that, if he asked Natsuki-San, "Do you feel saved?" He would answer with a flat no, and why wouldn't he? Otto was much happier being a puppet, why did he have to open his eyes, why cut the strings, why listen to his idiot heart.

Subaru was no devil, he was too insufferablly selfless to be one, he wore his heart on his sleeve, and it was all so blood soaked, so filled with cuts and bruises, it was rotting, and Otto just couldn't hold it anymore, he just wanted to give up already, he couldn't keep this up anymore, he's so tired, so so tired he wa-

Interrupted by the raven haired boy grabbing him by his shoulders gazing at him worriedly he asks,

"Are you alright Otto? Did something happen?"

And he just wanted to laugh now, no he's not alright, but he's on a stage now, no longer a puppet, an actor now.

Is that an improvement? he looks at Natsuki-San's face, and a voice answers backno.

"Yes Natsuki-San, everything is fine." The words taste like charcoal in his mouth, but that was his role and it was fine, but then he dares, he makes a gamble and continues, because even actors get some rest before going back to stage, right?

"Can you hold me." The words escaped him, but his hands already took hold of his new friend, wrapping him in his arms and laying his head on his shoulder.

"C-come on Otto you're embarrassing us out here man!" The words came out erratically, hitched breath, Otto could feel his nervousness seep out of him, and it was as if his friend was soaking it all up.

And that was so Subaru-like, Subaru is a sponge,

Otto thinks, and he didn't mean for it to sound that mean, but he thinks just a little more and it's all so fitting.

He'd soak all his nervousness, all his pain, all his blood, Subaru was a sponge, and he was so used up, so battered and bloodstained, and no matter how much you squeeze, the blood would never come out, and now Otto feels awful and he wants his pain back, he wants his nervousness back, he wants his blood back.

But Subaru would never give it back, and now Otto is losing himself in thought and he'd been acting weird all day, feelings all jumbled up, he needs to focus.

Hands fall by his sides, his hug wasn't returned but Otto didn't mind, that means he just has to hold on even more tightly, and then he starts to feel shaking, tremors and gasps and his friend is struggling just as much as him, trying to push him away, but Otto would never let go.

"Stop stop stop..." like a mantra whispered to his ear, and then it stopped, the shaking did too, and only then did Otto notice the tears soaking his shoulder and he too was crying but his friend was just a fountain leaking, eerily quiet.

"I'm here, we'll be fine, I don't know what's happening but I'm here for you Natsuki-San." And Otto felt like he should break the silence so he did so, and he waited and waited till-

"Why?" The question was no more than a whisper and Otto wasn't sure if it was meant for him to hear, but that was fine he'd wait for as long as he has to.

He felt the chest heaving against his, tremors assaulting his friend and seeping into his bones like ice-cold water and the man before him broke.

"WHY DID YOU FORGET ME?! WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THIS ALL ALONE WHAT DID I DO WRONG WHY DOES NO ONE EVER FUCKING REMEMBER!? TELL ME! TELL ME just tell me, please tell me, why, why why..."

The scream scared him for a second he hadn't expected to ever see this well crafted mask break, much less to bare witness to it, people looked at them both crying and holding each other, no he was the only holding his friend, but that was fine he gave none of that a second thought, for it didn't matter he just needed to be here for him, and he knew he'd never be enough, but he'll try, and his savior sounds insane but that wasn't the full story.

And maybe Otto would never know the whole story, but even so he'd never doubt him, but he won't forget again, he won't ignore the things that he can't understand anymore, he'll take them all in, even when his friend wants him to pay no mind to it, he will, and he won't ask too many questions, but he will ponder over it at a later time, and it was all fine even if it wasn't.

Subaru's muttering quieted down and now he was holding into him, now he could finally call this a hug, he can't help feeling a little smile covering his face, and he can't help thinking that he'd be content staying like this forever, and even if they were both drowning in their tears, Otto would never try to go up for air, because Subaru couldn't swim, and his pain is too heavy for Otto to pull him up, so he'll stay with him, at the bottom of the pond, and their lungs will fill up with water, and it'll sting and burn, but he'll be with his friend, and that meant something.

Even if his friend pushed him away and told him to breath, Otto would refuse it, because Otto is very stubborn like that and - oh Subaru was talking he should quiet down his thoughts and listen.

"...if you could come with me to the slums, I-I'm...I don't know, Reinhardt will be there so it'll be okay, he'll save us, I gave him my phone it'll ring, he'll come at just the right time...right time...yes, and everything will be okay, yes there's nothing to be scared of, b-but I'm still so scared, I'm terrified, I don't want to meet her, I'm scared, she forgot me too, I don't know if I can take it, it'll break me, so can you just be there for me, maybe then I can just..I'm sorry I'm just rambling, you don't have to do anyth-

"I'll come." And Natsuki-San is so surprised and Otto thinks it's a better look than his blank face, he'd even laugh if not for the implications that Subaru was surprised that someone was willing to help, but he'll change that.

And subaru said so many odd things, and Otto has burned them to memory, even if he didn't understand what was happening, Otto has already went off script, he'll ask for the meaning of everything later, for now he'll just improvise, that was his strong point anyways.

Subaru composed himself dried his tears and told him that they need to get going, and Otto wants to moan and complain, just five more minutes he was starting to feel comfortable, but noticing his friend's gaze, he knows it's important so he just nods.

Otto was never much of an actor but neither was Natsuki-San, even so the show must go on.

He looks at his side, mean eyes look back at him, and he can't help let a giggle escape him, and his friend's bewildered expression is so amusing, then he hears a laugh that was not his, and his friend has joined him, so they walk and laugh, they make jokes and hide their pain, and they make promises that they won't keep, and Otto feels alive again, and it hurts so much, but it feels good all the same.

And he swears to himself that no matter what, he and his new brother, they'll drink themselves to sleep tonight.