FAIRWEATHER
My old body grows weary 'n I've drunk so much beer,
I've a mind to just sleep here upon this wood floor,
But grave blunders I've made and my sleep they've forbade,
For now everyone's begging for one more encore.
'Cause see, I'm a teller of tales,
Though a sailor no more and no slave to no gales,
But if stories you want, I've got stories to flaunt
From my past, and I'll spare you one more.
"Hail, bard! Pray, lend me your lute. I've a tune to go along with this one."
What's the worst sailin' this Nord's ever weathered?
That honor's fast tethered to a trip as a lad.
We'd a hold full of products in bountiful measure,
As dear as gold treasure in oaken chests clad.
I'd never helped man a grand vessel so fine,
A well-captained galleon of fine Skyrim pine,
White-sailed and sinewed with strong ivory twine,
With a keel deep 'n sharp keen to cut the sea's brine.
We set out from Windhelm for Leyawiin's ports,
A crew of crude sorts worth our salt and our vice.
We labored long hours and spent free time boozing
And losing at games of chess, checkers, and dice.
North Morrowind's ports met us like fickle friends,
Their wine and their women sweeter much than their men,
But their manners and atmosphere I'll well defend
In contention with all the sea's fell denizens.
*Oh, once more adrift on these lethal east seas,
Steeled to face even the queerest ill breeze.
And come what fate may, we'll reject its decrees
For the gallant Fairweather fears naught on these seas!*
Soon enough on the sea, there arrived the first sight
That drew our lips tight and raised up all our brows:
A vessel at rest, manned by ghosts to our eyes.
A strange case to surmise, so we paralleled bows
And checked below decks but found naught but some cargo,
High-septim contraband banned by embargo,
We talked and made theories on where the crew'd gone,
And discussed at length taking all the ship's items on.
But then, from the shadows, those pirates all leapt,
Steel bared at our necks, yet our tempers stayed tamed.
We tried compromise, but such talk they ignored,
So our own steel we bore; lives and loot we both claimed!
All their beer we chugged down as we bid adieu,
Forgetting the butcher's work we'd had to do,
A task helped along by east Morrowind's ports,
Where comfort lay quartered in imperial forts.
*Oh, once more adrift on these lethal east seas,
Where spiders spin webs laced with sweet fantasies.
But prey we'll not be and we'll take what we please
For the gallant Fairweather fears naught on these seas!*
Sometime after, we spied an old, slow-drifting brig,
Ill manned and ill rigged by some necromanced mates.
We tried sailing by without causing them fuss,
But they challenged us for to share their harrowed fates.
They raced after us with unnatural quickness,
Enshrouding us with their pall's smothering thickness.
Resistance we gave despite our boiling fear
And we proved our resilience to those cursed buccaneers.
At last we repelled 'em, though cost us it did.
Two men died to be rid of those profane creations.
We drew up some oil and lit up some torches
To task scorching flames with those fetchers' cremations.
Then away we all sailed while watching the blaze,
Each man feeling blessed to keep living his days.
Though Black Marsh's ports numbered few, they proved true
To taking our minds off that blasphemous crew.
*Oh, once more adrift on these lethal east seas,
Escaped from that tub of undeath and disease!
We'll honor our dead and spurn the memories
Of those cursed sojourners on these churning seas!*
Not too awful far from our main destination,
A manifestation of nature's rage roared.
Dark clouds ate the sun and chill winds bit our faces.
We sought the gods' graces lest we fly overboard.
But though we all scrambled and prayed as we worked,
Swore vengeance on what god by whom we'd been shirked,
The rain fell down in sheets, the ship rocked and we'd retch.
That storm was a hunter, our souls its to catch.
Then, out of the murk, amid lightning and thunder,
Arisen from slumber, a lovely voice sang.
"Ignore it, boys!" Cap'n said, and though we all tried,
One'd already spied from whom the song rang.
She floated up to the railing, aglow with young grace,
Dark tresses ensconcing a beautiful face.
The lad fell in her arms then began shouting, "No!"
As she turned to a ghoul and pulled him down below!
*Oh, once more adrift on these lethal east seas,
Besieged by fierce storms and these seaborn harpies!
Though once full of pride, we've been knocked to our knees
As we fight to survive on these merciless seas!*
If you'd thought that lad's death would've somehow abated
The storm's rage and sated those sirens' desires,
You'd have thought wrong as us, for our plight carried on,
And before such sheer brawn, the best luck still retires.
The gales kept whipping and with one great blast,
They tore 'cross the deck and ripped down our masts.
Then waves of great strength flipped the ship upside down,
Its cargo a loss and all the men left to drown.
I don't know the fate of the others at all;
I just know that damn squall nearly cut short my years.
I've no clue how I lived, and I've pondered it through,
But I blacked out then came to at Leyawiin's piers.
Two men fished me ashore, a Redguard and Orc,
Who then asked me my story o'er ale and roast pork.
I relayed it in full and they clapped their rough hands,
But I was just glad to be safe on dry land.
*Oh, no more adrift on those lethal east seas,
But marred with deep scars and bewitched reveries
Whose sorrows I'll drown in intense revelries
Till my want of gold lures me back out on those seas!*
Now, that's all! I'm done, off to bed for tonight.
Maybe come morning's light, I'll afford some more legends.
I've got tons of 'em, full of times soft and hard.
Here's your lute back, fair bard, see how the crowd beckons!
Hail, barkeep! I'll take one more drink for the road
Up these harrowing stairs to my cozy abode.
And remember, if ever the town guard comes calling,
Warn me discreetly and I'll flee while you're stalling!
*For though I no longer drift on any seas,
I still be a rascal with some enemies
Whose beefs might be ones with which the guard agrees,
And I'd rather dispense with such frivolities!*