Happy New Year Everybody!
Thank you to all who have commented and favorited my story! I hope it continues to be a fun read!
APRIL (2014)
Despite the small size in numbers, counting in the Angol, the Keroro Platoon have proven themselves to be the most accident prone and magnets for trouble patients he ever had in his entire career. A feat that should have been daunting.
Big Incident #1:
Patients:
Angol Mois
Sergeant Major Kururu
Sergeant Keroro
Corporal Giroro
Lance Corporal Dororo
Private Second Class Tamama
The platoon attempted to spread a nonlethal space sickness around Pekopon, with symptoms similar to a flu but with purple polka-dot type marks appearing on skin, and then coming to the rescue with an antidote that they would only give out if they were given full ownership of the planet. The Lance Corporal hadn't been privy to this plan, but when he caught wind of it he immediately put a stop to it. He did this by destroying the machine meant to generate the sickness which exploded and afflicted everyone in vicinity of it with a worse version of the sickness. Everyone had been quarantined for an entire day while Niriri had to order ingredients for a medicine he needed to make for them.
Big Incident #2:
Patients:
Sergeant Keroro
Corporal Giroro
Private Second Class Tamama
He hadn't gotten much detail about the catalyst for this incident. All he knew was that the platoon had incurred the wrath of Natsumi Hinata which led to their injuries. Something about ruining the kitchen and mentally scarring the Hinata Patriarch?
Big Incident #3:
Patients:
Sergeant Major Kururu
Sergeant Keroro
Corporal Giroro
Major Medic Niriri
A Viper had apparently snuck into the base, destroyed pipes to make the area humid and left behind four genetically altered Nyororos as a gift. Sirens had blared throughout the base including his office/infirmary indicating that something was amiss, which in turn snapped him out of his concentration in disinfecting his medical supplies. At the time, he hadn't known what was happening, but he made sure to arm himself accordingly before making his way to the doorway. Meeting him there was one of the Nyororos. The outer skin was thick, very hard to piece, fortunately the inner skin was easier to stab his needles into to knock the Nyororo out before it could completely swallow him whole. He was somewhat dehydrated after that encounter but he was still capable of movement.
Then there's counting the smaller issues: the Sergeant Major using the Corporal as a guinea pig, the Corporal beating up the Sergeant Major for using him as a guinea pig, the Corporal shooting at the Sergeant for being an annoyance, the Corporal getting bashed on the head by the Angol for hurting her darling uncle, the Sergeant getting injured slipping on banana peels, and sometimes he would catch the Lance Corporal sobbing in the corner always because of the Sergeant.
All of this in the span of four days.
"This place is a circus," groaned Niriri into his hands, suffering from a terrible hangover. "Could today get any more tiring?"
"Hey! Dr. Orange~!"
"Great. I jinxed it." Niriri spun his swivel chair around. Haru Hinata strolled up to his desk, carrying a brown paper bag with a grin. For some reason this Pekoponian took it upon himself to visit Niriri every time he came to the base. "What do you want now? Again, I'm not going to give you, the enemy, textbooks on my species' anatomy, so quit wasting my time asking."
"No worries, I'm not going to bother you with that again. Look, I brought some steamed pork buns!" Haru shook the bag before placing it on the medic's lap. "You never come out to our home to share a meal, so I decided to bring the meal to you."
Niriri peeked into the bag. The steamed pork buns as Haru called them smelled delicious, enough to make his stomach growl. "I'll accept today's offerings. But don't think I'll let it get in the way of my work. When and if the Keroro Platoon gets their collective act together on completing this invasion I will be there every step of the way, so don't get too cozy."
Haru wore a goofy grin as he nodded. "Uh-huh. Got it."
"Tch! Clearly you don't 'got it'. You're still not taking me seriously." Niriri grabbed a bun out of the bag and angrily ripped into it. "Just because I happen to be the size of a Pekoponian child doesn't mean you get to treat me like one! I am a full grown adult!"
"Is that how I'm coming across?" Haru rubbed his chin with a contemplative hum. He bowed at Niriri with a sheepish smile. "Now that I thought about it, you're right. The way I've been treating you hasn't exactly been the most respectful, hasn't it? It must've been annoying having another adult talk down to you I bet. I'm really sorry about that. Now that we're on the topic of age, how old are you?"
Finishing the pork bun, Niriri pulled out another as he suspiciously eyed Haru. Deeming it a harmless question, he answered, "Over 9000 years old give or take, making me the third youngest in the platoon. If I were to convert it to Pekoponian years, I would estimate myself to be around my mid to late thirties."
"Really? So you're way younger than I thought! Around my age range actually! With how you were acting I assumed you were getting close to retirement!"
Niriri bristled. "I ain't that old!"
"Sorry, sorry, sore subject, clearly." Haru took a seat on Niriri's desk and draped his arms over his knees. "I came across your sergeant while I was walking to your office. He was muttering something about money and him needing to tell Kururu about some exciting news. You know what that's about?"
"Sounds like he has another troublesome invasion idea in development," Niriri sighed, finishing his second bun. He hopped out of his seat. "Since this platoon has a concerning penchant for getting into serious danger I might as well check today's plan out."
"Oh! Can I come with you? I want to see an invasion attempt in action!"
Niriri sent the man a flat look over his shoulder. "Why are you so…" He heaved an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Sure. Just no more small talk or big talk and no eye contact."
"I'll try my best."
The silence only lasted ten seconds.
Haru went on and on and on and on about his amazing family, his amazing family's amazing friends, the amazing base that they lived in thanks to their amazingly advanced technology, amazing amazing amazing, amazing amazing! Niriri, rapidly twitching and veering close to a mental breakdown, contemplated either sedating Haru or himself to get away from the raging migraine brought about from this blabbermouth of a man. Then they reached Kururu's lab.
"SERGEANT MAJOR! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR AND TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU AND THE SERGEANT ARE PLANNING THIS TIME!"
"Goodness, what's got you in a snappy mood?" The doors opened. "There. Now quit making a racket and come in. We were hoping for…guests. Kuuu-ku-ku!"
Niriri hesitated at the eerie way Kururu said 'guests'. Haru apparently didn't hear the menacing undertones as he strolled right into the mad scientist's laboratory of horrors without a care in the world. Niriri watched after him before hurrying to shadow him at his heels. This was a good thing. The oblivious Pekoponian might as well make himself useful by becoming Niriri's shield in case Kururu tried anything.
"I have never been in Mr. Yellow's lab before!" Haru's expression glowed with excitement as if he were a child in a toy store where everything was on sale. "Wow, everything here looks so cool, like it was ripped straight from a sci-fi movie!"
"What you call cool, I call a health hazard." Niriri mumbled, looking around to make sure that nothing was going to pop out and attack.
It was dark here, almost pitch black. The only source of light given to them was from multiple giant screens ahead of them illuminating the two Keronians he needed to see. "Major Medic Niriri, Master Papa~! Over here~!" Keroro waved from his spot beside Kururu who was sitting cross-legged on his chair with his cheek propped on his hand. Niriri gave pause when he took notice of the small weapon in Kururu's other hand—despite it's odd round shape and cutesy coloring (a swirl of bubblegum pink, baby blue, and lavender), there was no doubt in Niriri's mind that it was a gun.
Niriri (not so) discreetly hid behind his meat shield's legs. Haru smiled down at him with a curious head tilt. He turned back to Kururu and blinked once he finally noticed what he was holding.
"Is that for your new invasion plan? Is it a weapon? It looks kinda cute for a weapon."
"Idiot Pekoponian! If you have enough self-awareness to know it's a weapon why are you leaning close to it!?"
"It's not like Mr. Yellow's actually going to shoot me, he's a guest in this house and that would be rude."
"You—I—that is—!" Niriri's eye twitched. "Stupidity is a disease in this household!"
"Gero gero gero! You're absolutely right, Master Papa! This new invention our wonderful Kururu constructed is indeed for our current invasion! Behold!" Behind Keroro the screen changed, it now showed a beautiful woman dressed in an intricate red yukata wearing a sash draped from her right shoulder to her waist with the words Tokyo's Rose Queen printed on it. "The Tokyo's Rose Queen Contest, where the most beautiful and talented women in Tokyo compete for the title of Rose Queen. You may be wondering—" Keroro slouched then put on an exaggerated apathetic voice and expression. "—but what does some ridiculous Pekoponian beauty contest have to do with the invasion?"
Keroro interrupted Niriri before he could comment on the imitation. "Winners get worldwide recognition: magazine covers, interviews, modeling careers, riches and more! All they need to do is captivate the judges and audience with their beauty, interesting personality, and talent!" He crossed his arms with a sigh. "We could enter ourselves, sure. Maybe by putting on attractive Pekoponian lady suits or transforming ourselves into smoking hot Pekoponian ladies, but the people of this planet just aren't very appreciative of our lovable alien quirks therefore we need someone who's in the know of Pekoponian culture and etiquette, but, unfortunately Lady Mama is too busy with work to take part in this endeavor. Luckily we have an ace in our sleeve! Someone who was born in Pekopon and knows everything about its inner and outer workings! Someone who isn't working at this very moment! Someone with a charming personality and interesting stories to tell! Someone who is super duper attractive but oblivious to it the way you Pekoponians appreciate!"
Keroro and Kururu looked straight at Haru.
Haru blinked. He glanced behind himself and saw no one. He glanced back at Keroro and Kururu, eyes widening and brows shooting up when the realization finally hit. "M-me!?" He pointed at himself then rubbed his neck with a nervous laugh. "Hooh boy…Hey, look guys, I'm flattered you think I could rock a dress and heels, but…"
"No, no, no! Quell whatever worries you have brewing in that pretty skull of yours, Master Papa! For we have the solution to all our problems right here!" Keroro whipped out paper fans with hearts on them from thin air and motioned to the gun in Kururu's hand. "Behold, our magnificent Cinderella Maker! For 24 hours anyone can turn into a beautiful princess or a handsome prince with just a press of the trigger!"
"You made an instantaneous sex change gun. If I weren't a certified doctor I'd say I was impressed, but seeing as I am I'm concerned about the potential ramifications in abruptly changing a person's physiological makeup and having it be temporary." Niriri readied a notepad and pen, giving Kururu a pointed look. "Does this change the internal structure or just the external? Does this have any negative psychological impacts? Have you tested this already? Are there any side effects? These sorts of things need to be taken with delicate care, you know."
"Aw~! Are you worried about me, Dr. Orange?"
"Of course not! You can suffer for all I care! I'm just asking these important questions in case they ever decide to use this on their own platoon mates or already had!"
"Keroroooooo!" It was then that a blue Keronian woman ran into the laboratory, sobbing. Even with the two added bumps on the hat, extra white on the face and tail, and high-pitched voice, the identity of this person wasn't hard to decipher. "You're so mean, Keroro!"
Niriri felt a vein pounding on his temple. This platoon was going to be the reason he died young from alcohol poisoning, weren't they? "That answers my second to last question." He grumbled to himself, clicking the pen's button against his forehead in vehement repetition. "…I am a medic, not a therapist!" he finished in a louder growl. Despite the proclamation, he took Dororo by the arm, which he patted awkwardly, and began leaving the lab with him, muttering reassurances that his current body didn't make him any less of a man and he would revert back to normal in 24 hours.
"Aha!" Haru hit his open palm with a fist. "I knew there was a nice guy hidden deep deep deep deep down all that snark and depression! There's hope for you yet!" He was determined to bring out more of that side in the bitter medic. Not even the expletives shouted at him before the lab doors closed could deter him now. His attention was brought back to Keroro and was blindsided by the absolutely radiating hope in the sergeant's eyes. "So you're serious about this." He put on his metaphorical thinking cap. To insist invaders in their conquest would no doubt class him as a traitor to his entire species, yet invading a planet through fame and popularity didn't go against the Geneva Convention, but the women signing up for the competition were doing it to get their names out there? Wouldn't it be wrong to potentially get in the way of a person's dreams just because he thought working with aliens would be cool? What were the chances of him winning a beauty contest? Maybe he could do it all. Join the competition and at the slightest indication that he was becoming a fan favorite he could self-sabotage or quit. "Sure, why the heck not? Err, heh, getting zapped by that won't hurt, would it?"
"Kuku! No worries, Mr. Hi~na~ta~, all you'll feel is a slight pinch. Clicky-poo!"
"Eeek!"
The second they stepped into the debriefing room under Keroro's orders, Giroro and Tamama gawked at the two occupants in disbelief: the feminized Dororo, sniffling in his usual seat, and Niriri, who had taken the seat next to the ninja and guzzling the contents of a flask.
Mois was quick to break the awkward silence. "OMG! You look so pretty, Dororo!" she squealed, sprinting right past Niriri's seat to Dororo surrounded by hearts. Niriri let out a half-hearted 'weee' as his seat spun from the ensuing strong gust.
Dororo let out a miserable and mortified groan.
"I'm guessing whatever this is has something to do with what Keroro has planned today," Giroro uttered, moving closer to get a better look of his depressed childhood friend's startling new appearance. "Err, yeah…he's not planning on doing…this to all of us, right?"
Tamama glared at the medic. "And why are you here? Shouldn't you be locked away in your office?"
Niriri sneered, nursing his flask. "I'm here to make sure you numbskulls don't do anything else to waste my supplies." His speech was somewhat slurred.
"DON'T GET ON OUR CASE WHEN YOU'RE DRINKING ON THE JOB, JERKFACE! WANT ME TO TAMAMA IMPACT YOUR ASS!?"
"Go choke on a candy bar!"
Before a fight broke out, the light shut off. Giroro and Dororo were quick to whip out their weapons. Mois transformed into her Angolian form and Tamama readied his battle stance. Niriri remained in his seat, buzzed out of his froggy mind. Brilliant, just…good job, slugger.
The ungrateful bastard gave his creator the middle finger.
"Calm down everybody! Lower your weapons!" Echoed Keroro's nonphysical voice. "For your savior has arrived!" Two spotlights appeared and shone on the podium, revealing Keroro and Kururu wearing matching gaudy pink Pekoponian suits and sunglasses. Keroro tapped his microphone before clearing his throat. "Hello~everyone~! Your amazing and fantabulous Sergeant has come bearing news of an invasion plan that will knock your pants off! Gero gero! Here on this populous planet, Pekoponians prioritize many, many things—two being popularity and beauty! For our current plan we will be hijacking one of the biggest beauty contests with the most beautiful woman in Inner-Tokyo representing our team! Drum roll please!" Keroro spun on his heels, landed on his knee and pointed at the mechanical sliding doors. Everyone turned when the spotlights moved from the podium to flash the doors. "Please welcome, Lady Haruka Hinata!"
The doors opened.
Giroro's jaw-dropped.
The reason why the Corporal's astonished face resembled a radioactive tomato was because of the woman sauntering in the room. She looked exactly like an adult Natsumi but with short hair. She was dressed in a dark red strap dress that hugged her voluptuous curves, open toe heels, and glossy pink full lips.
She nervously chuckled. "Hi guys. It's me, Haru. Seems like we're going to be working together for a while. Hooh boy, does this feel strange. These things are so heavy too," she muttered, using her arms to adjust her breasts. "No wonder Aki complains about back pain."
Giroro fainted.