Even with the vampire strength, Simon felt like someone helping their drunk friend get home after a night of partying. Alec seemed like he could barely stay on his feet, swaying dangerously anytime Simon thought of giving him back some control of his body. He knew head wounds could be tricky, but this wasn't all from that. Alec would normally shake off something like that, but he wasn't right now. And that terrified Simon.

He was irritated by the time he got back to his humble abode, but not with Alec. Alec obviously wasn't in his right mind and had no business being out on his own, so why was he? There had to be some sort of explanation for why no one was with him and he was determined to find out, just as soon as he got Alec settled. It wasn't like Simon wanted there to be some sort of crazy event happening, but anything less would make this wholly unacceptable.

"Hey pal, make yourself at home," Simon said, depositing Alec down on the bed in the back. Thank goodness he wasn't still sleeping in the canoes, because he would've had a terrible time getting Alec into one.

"Was gonna move in with Magnus," Alec murmured, rubbing the back of his head.

"That sounds nice," Simon nodded, for lack of a better thing to say.

"Can't now."

"Well, maybe you'll be able to work it out?"

"No," Alec gasped, shaking his head in denial. Simon grabbed his shoulders, trying to stop him from doing more damage to himself. Excess head movement probably wasn't good for someone with a possible concussion.

"Hey, where's that stick thing you guys use to draw on yourselves? I can't remember what it's called right now, but that can fix all this, right?" Simon asked, resisting the urge to pat Alec's pockets down for it.

"Don't have it," Alec mumbled.

"Why not? I thought you all carried those things everywhere?"

"Doesn't work."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Everything's broken. Don't you see?" Alec implored, grabbing Simon around the collar and pulling him closer. Simon tried to pull away, but the haunted look in Alec's eyes stopped him in his tracks. "I can't keep going on like this."

"Like what? You can tell me," Simon said. If he had details, he could come up with solutions. There was always an answer.

"I- I can't," Alec choked out. Simon could see the pain Alec was trying so hard to keep hidden. It would be commendable, if it wasn't so heartbreaking.

"I know what it's like, you know. Having to hide who I truly am from the people I care about. From my family," Simon said quietly. Alec sucked in a sharp breath, so he knew he was hitting a sore spot. "I'd give anything to be able to be honest with them and have them accept me, but the fear of it not working out is terrifying."

"Don't," Alec whispered.

"It can get pretty lonely, but I still have people I can confide in. And I know you do too," Simon insisted. "I'm obviously not your first choice, I get that. But I am here and that counts for something, I think."

"It's too late."

"If you've already decided to give up, what's the harm in letting it out?" Simon challenged. If the understanding approach couldn't get him past the finish line, maybe tough love would. It felt icky being rough right now, but he was getting desperate. "You're already planning on dying, right? So just tell me. What do you have to lose?"

"I have nothing to lose because I already lost everything!" Alec shouted, panting to the point of almost hyperventilation. "I pushed away everyone and ruined every relationship and now I have nothing!"

"No, that's not true," Simon rushed out. Now that Alec was finally talking, all he wanted to do was to get him to stop. This was too much for him and he was in way over his head. He had still been in a bit of denial that Alec's issues wouldn't be that big, but questioning his place in his life was above his pay grade.

"Isabelle resents me for not being there for her during her struggles and how my parents have treated us all our lives. She doesn't understand they had to be harder on her so she didn't turn into a screw up like me."

"You're not-"

"Jace doesn't come to me for anything anymore. It's like our bond isn't even there and somehow it doesn't seem to be affecting him at all. And I felt it disappear, but even though the rune is back, I don't feel it."

"Okay," Simon murmured, letting Alec purge all of his hurt.

"My parents are ashamed of me. I've never lived up to their standards and I never will. They depended on me to live up to the family name and I've let them down at every turn. All I ever wanted to do was make them proud, but I'm a failure."

"No."

"And Magnus-" Alec choked out, shaking as his emotions were finally getting the best of him. "He's so good. He's patient and kind and selfless and everything that I wish I could be. But I'm not. I'm immature and selfish and a liar and weak and all I do is hurt him. He deserves the world and someone who will give it to him. And I don't deserve him."

"Oh, Alec," Simon sighed. Alec jammed the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to hold in the tears, but it was no use. Now that the words were out there, it was like he'd lost the ability to hold anything back. Simon was frozen, unsure of what to do. If this was a friend, Simon would wrap them up in a hug and hold them until they let everything out, and then some more. But this was Alec and Alec was complicated. Their embrace earlier had been less about comfort and more about keeping him from running off. He definitely wasn't going anywhere now, but he still needed something.

"There's nothing left for me anymore, don't you see? Everyone would be better off without me here," Alec spat, trying to sound hard and angry, but just coming across in full despair.

"That's not true!" Simon insisted, knowing that Alec was still cared for deeply. But again, he had to wonder where everyone was. Alec's parents weren't always around, so their absence was understandable. And if Alec and Magnus were still broken up, it would make sense for him to keep his distance. But where were Isabelle and Jace? This was their brother. They should've known how much he was hurting.

"I can't take it anymore."

Simon couldn't take it anymore either. Standing there and doing nothing while Alec fell apart wasn't acceptable. Even if Simon was the last person Alec would pick for this, he was the only one here right now. At a certain point, it didn't matter who was providing the comfort. Simon sat down on the bed next to Alec and set his hand on his shoulder in an offering, but didn't push it. If Alec wanted more, he could take more. And if he wanted less, Simon would move away, but he wouldn't leave.

Alec didn't move much at all, just stayed hunched over as his ragged breaths shook the bed they were sitting on. But he didn't push Simon away, which seemed like a win. Simon sat patiently as Alec slowly let everything out. He'd never seen Alec show much emotion in the short amount of time they spent together, besides some anger, and he figured he didn't let much out in private either. Suppressing your feelings only worked for so long before it did too much damage and they were witnessing the consequences right now.

Neither of them said anything until Alec started quieting down, sagging more and more from exhaustion. Simon was getting tired just looking at him, even though he'd napped earlier in preparation for his night with Maia. That would have to be rescheduled though.

"Do you want to stay here tonight?" Simon offered, wishing he had a box of tissues nearby to hand him.

"Why are you being nice to me?" Alec whispered, clearing his throat as his voice cracked a little.

"Everyone needs someone sometimes," Simon shrugged. It sounded corny, but that didn't make it any less true. "Come on, I know this bed doesn't look like much, but it's actually pretty comfortable. I've gotten no complaints."

"Uh," Alec mumbled, and Simon was sure he saw the barest hint of an embarrassed smile flash across his face.

"Wow, that sounded a lot dirtier than I meant it! It's not like I have people over a lot, I swear. And I change the sheets regularly," Simon stammered. He wasn't a ladies man by any means, he'd just happened to cram all of his experience in a very short amount of time.

"I don't know. I can't- I haven't really slept," Alec murmured, rubbing his eyes.

"Since when?"

"What day is it?"

"Okay, that explains a lot. Do you want to try at least? Some people sleep better with another person," Simon suggested. Alec gave him a look and Simon wanted to smack himself on the forehead. "I didn't mean sleeping in the bed together. I'll just like, be around."

"I don't know if I can."

"Well, you can try. Or you can just lay there for a while and see what happens," Simon shrugged. "There's no time limit or anything." Simon's phone beeped in his pocket before he could continue and he pulled it out, finding a message from Maia telling him she was almost finished with her shift. He was going to have to convince her that he was busy without giving away too much or upsetting her.

"Who is that?" Alec asked, flicking his eyes down at the phone in suspicion.

"It's just Maia. I was supposed to meet with her tonight, but I need to text her back to cancel," Simon replied, tilting the screen so Alec could see it. "You can read it if you want. I promise I'm not doing anything sneaky."

"It's too blurry," Alec mumbled, squinting at the tiny print.

"Man, how were you planning on getting back home if you can't even see?" Simon scoffed, before realizing he'd just put his foot in his mouth again. "Sorry, ignore me. Um, I have some extra clothes around if you want to change, even though you're kind of a giant compared to me. And I don't have a bathroom, but there is one in the restaurant if you need to use it. I'm gonna go on the other side of the canoes to give you a moment of privacy, okay?" Simon jumped up and rushed away, using his feeble excuse to give himself a minute alone.

Alec's intent had been clear for a while now, but for some reason, Simon saying those words really struck home how dire this situation had been. If Simon hadn't been in the right place at the right time, Alec would be dead, and that fact was hitting him hard right now. Simon felt his chest tighten up at the reality of everything and he couldn't stop his own emotions from rushing to the surface. He bit his fist to keep quiet as he let a few tears fall. He needed to stay strong for Alec, but this was such a difficult situation. Simon wouldn't give up though, because that could end in tragedy and he'd never forgive himself if he didn't do everything he could. He would get Alec through the night, then figure things out from there.

"I texted Maia that something came up, but I'd make it up to her later. I added a few heart emojis to soften the news, so I think she'll understand," Simon said as he walked back, trying to keep his voice light and carefree. "I should tell you about the time she came to my mom's house with me for dinner-" Simon cut off his spiel when he finally turned the corner and found Alec fast asleep on top of the covers. It looked like he'd just tipped over onto his side and fallen asleep without trying. His legs were still hanging over the edge of the bed and his shoes were still on his feet. It probably wasn't the most comfortable position and Simon had the urge to shift him around, but he couldn't risk waking him. If Alec had been honest about his lack of sleep recently, there was no way Simon wanted to mess this up.

Simon grabbed a chair from the side of the building and brought it over, settling down next to the bed for the night. It felt a bit like a hospital bed vigil, which wasn't too off from reality. Alec was unwell and Simon would stay by his side until he got better. They could figure out how to deal with everything else in the morning.