This was bad. Simon had planned on hanging around the institute for a while and surreptitiously keeping an eye on Alec and how he interacted with everyone. Maybe approach him after a few days to see where his head was at, depending on what he saw. He definitely hadn't planned on getting accosted by a powerful warlock.

How was he supposed to play this? Did he answer all of Magnus' questions, but not offer up anything extra? Did he keep it more vague and tell him to ask Alec about it? Did he recount everything that Alec said with painful accuracy?

"What do you mean?" Simon asked, testing the waters. Maybe he could let Magnus lead the conversation and see what happened. "What did Alec say?" Magnus shot him a look that let him know that he was not impressed.

"He said a lot, but also very little," Magnus replied, walking in an almost prowl around the room, while still keeping himself between Simon and the exit. How did he do that? "I was hoping you'd help fill in the blanks."

"It would probably be best coming from Alec himself, right?" Simon said, trying again to weasel his way out of this unscathed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I misspoke earlier. What I meant to say was you will be filling in the blanks," Magnus said, letting a threatening quality color his words a bit. That wasn't something that Simon was used to hearing from the warlock. And to be honest, it was kind of rubbing him the wrong way.

"I don't know Alec very well. What makes you think that I would know more about him than you?" Simon challenged.

"Excuse me?" Magnus questioned, pausing mid-step.

"When was the last time you saw Alec? Before at my place this morning."

"Yesterday evening, at the downworlder meeting. Why?"

"Wow," Simon scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. If Magnus had said it had been a while, like a few weeks or something, Simon would be able to understand how Alec had gotten away with being how he was. Even a full day could be sort of excused, since Alec was almost criminally good at putting up a strong front. But last night? And this was coming from someone who claimed to love him? Simon knew that Alec was a grown adult, but that was borderline neglect.

"Wow?" Magnus repeated, raising his eyebrows in question.

"Are you sure you actually care about him? You obviously don't know him very well if you couldn't see how much he was struggling," Simon snapped. It felt good to let some of his pent up frustration out on someone who could handle it.

"How dare you?" Magnus hissed, clenching his fists at his sides. "Alexander and I share a love that you couldn't possibly understand."

"Then it shouldn't have been hard to see what was going on with him!" Simon shot back.

"This is coming from the boy who couldn't even tell his girlfriend was still in love with her ex," Magnus spat. That was a low blow that Simon hadn't been expecting. "Don't you lecture me about my relationship."

"Where was that passion when Alec needed it?"

"I'm here now, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but Alec almost wasn't." Simon could tell the exact moment the meaning of his words registered in Magnus' brain. His hands went limp at his sides and all the rage in his eyes melted away, leaving only anguish. All of Simon's anger slipped away as well. He'd been so mad at everyone who'd let Alec get to the point he was, but sometimes there wasn't blame to be laid at anyone's feet. And with how much Magnus was obviously hurting because of this, Simon didn't have the heart to stack on top of it.

"You're not talking about saving him from a patrol, are you?" Magnus whispered.

"No, I'm not," Simon confirmed. Magnus turned away, running a hand down his face. Simon felt the urge to say something to try to make things better, but he couldn't. What was there to say? At least Alec hadn't succeeded? There was still time to make things right? Everything just felt like a useless platitude.

"How close was it?" Magnus asked. Simon felt his insides sour at the question.

"Why?"

"I want to know how close I came to losing the love of my life."

"Close," Simon replied, leaving it at that. Magnus didn't need to live with knowing that it had truly been seconds. Simon would probably be reliving those moments for the rest of his never ending life.

"You can go," Magnus mumbled, sending a flick of magic toward the door and opening it a crack.

"Magnus, I-"

"Go," Magnus demanded, keeping his back pointed toward Simon. He complied this time, leaving before Magnus could change his mind and use more magic against him. Did this mean he could leave and go back to his regular life now? There was someone who cared about Alec and was apprised of the situation here, so did he need to be? Even if Magnus had flubbed things up before, Simon was pretty sure he'd do what needed to be done now. But was "pretty sure" enough in a situation like this?

Evidently it wasn't, since Simon found himself standing outside of Alec's office without realizing he'd even walked there. Should he give Alec a heads up that Magnus knew what his plan had been last night? That probably wouldn't be a good idea, since that would give him time to come up with excuses and explanations. But was it fair for him to be blindsided? Even if it was done with the best intentions, that plan could backfire. He couldn't leave things like they had this morning.

Simon knocked on the door before he could stop himself, cursing himself mentally for not getting out when he had the chance. Who was he kidding though? He was in this fully and was going to see it through till the end.

"Come in," Alec called from inside. His voice sounded way too steady. It wasn't like Simon wanted him to be falling apart, but the abrupt switch was kind of alarming. Simon slowly swung the door open, plastering a friendly smile on his face.

"Hey," Simon said, rocking back on his heels in the doorway. This really felt like going to the principal's office.

"What can I do for you?" Alec asked tersely, shifting the papers around on his desk.

"Um, nothing. I was just coming by to talk," Simon mumbled.

"About what?"

"Uh…" Simon trailed off. He had always been a bit intimidated by Alec and those feelings were coming back. It wasn't at all like last night, when he'd thrown caution to the wind and done what needed to be done.

"If this isn't business related, it'll have to wait."

"But-"

"I'm at work, Simon. I have responsibilities and I can't be distracted!" Alec snapped, glancing away as Simon raised his eyebrows in surprise. Maybe this wasn't the right time to talk. It had only been a few hours since they'd been at Simon's place. Alec might be more willing to open up again after a bit more time had passed.

"Okay. Sorry," Simon whispered, turning around to leave. But he didn't. He couldn't. He would be doing exactly what he'd been mad at everyone else for doing. It was so easy to push things off until later. To find an excuse why now wasn't the right time. Was there ever a good time for conversations like these? They were hard and they sucked, but Simon knew that on some level it had helped Alec to open up, even if he didn't want to admit it.

Simon turned back to face Alec, scrunching up his face in contemplation. He wished there were perfect words that would make everything fall into place, but there weren't. They were all just trying to figure out how to survive in this world, with some needing more help than others. This was the time for Simon to step up.

"What-"

"Alec, I'm scared," Simon blurted out. For someone who was trying to be a musician not so long ago, his way with words was leaving much to be desired at the moment.

"Of?" Alec questioned, setting down the pen he was pretending to use.

"A lot of things, actually. Failing at school was a big one for a while. Disappointing my mom. The sun, but not so much anymore, thankfully," Simon babbled, using the opportunity to walk further into the office and close the door behind him. "But all of that pales in comparison to what I'm scared of now."

"Which is?"

"You. I'm scared of you," Simon whispered, shaking his head. "Well, not of you, but for you."

"That's unnecessary," Alec brushed off. "As you can see, I'm fine."

"Alec, last night-"

"Was a mistake. You just caught me on an off night and that will never happen again," Alec insisted. "I was tired and stressed out from work, but Magnus and I talked and things are settled now. There is nothing to worry about."

"Then why did Magnus just corner me and ask me what happened?" Simon shot back. Alec bristled at that, sitting up straighter in his chair.

"What did you tell him?" Alec demanded.

"I had to," Simon murmured. Alec let out a sound of pure disgust and stared at him with a spiteful smile.

"I make one mistake, have one moment of weakness. It's always going to be held against me, isn't it?" Alec scoffed, pushing away from his desk.

"That's not what I'm doing!" Simon argued. He felt terrible thinking this, but Simon wished that Alec wasn't doing as well physically. That was probably the only reason he'd let anything out last night. Magnus had obviously done something to heal his body, but it hadn't done a thing to heal him mentally.

"What do you want from me? What should I be doing right now to make you happy?" Alec snapped, standing up and leaning against the desk.

"It's not about making me happy!"

"Isn't it though? If I'm not acting in exact alignment with how everyone thinks I should be acting, there is a problem. And the best part of all is everyone wants a different thing from me. So please, tell me how to act."

"I don't want you to act, I just want you to be happy!"

"I don't know how to be happy!"