"This was a mistake," Alec muttered as soon as the portal closed behind them. Simon looked around the cabin that Magnus had procured for them, appreciating the effort he went to to make it perfect. It was secluded and sat right at the edge of a private lake. Simon wasn't even sure what country they were in, but it didn't really matter. It was so unlike the institute, which Simon liked the most. While the institute was always so clinical and harsh, this place was soft and welcoming, like going back to your childhood home.

"This is great!" Simon laughed, flopping down onto the nearest couch to test out its softness. Magnus had come along with them to show them around briefly and completely pack the fridge. He even left a good amount of blood for him, which was very thoughtful. It even helped take some of the sting away from the threats to destroy him if anything happened to Alec on his watch. Luckily, Magnus had sent Alec off to drop their bags in the bedroom and he didn't witness that.

Their final goodbye had been pretty intimate and Simon had been a little embarrassed to witness it. It wasn't like they'd made out or anything, but the amount of love they had for each other was obvious and it made Simon's stomach flutter a bit. He was enjoying his time with Maia, but they definitely weren't on that level yet.

"What are we supposed to do?" Alec sighed, crossing his arms as he leaned back against the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room area.

"Whatever you want. That's the point," Simon reminded him.

"I should've brought paperwork," Alec grumbled.

"Maybe I'll take the lead at first," Simon said, stretching his arms above his head as he stood up. "How about we explore our home for the next few days?"

"It just looks like a bunch of trees. How exciting can it be?" Alec scoffed, waving one hand toward the window.

"Hey, I'm a city boy as well, but I can still appreciate nature when I'm in it," Simon chuckled, coaxing Alec toward the front door. Alec rolled his eyes, but followed him out, squinting at the brightness of the sun. "You smell that?"

"No."

"Exactly. None of those mystery smells you always get in the city," Simon grinned, inhaling deeply. "Come on, try it."

"I'm good."

"No one is going to judge you for enjoying the little things in life, you know. There is value in stopping to smell the roses."

"I don't see any roses," Alec muttered.

"It's a saying. It just means that sometimes you need to slow down and let yourself appreciate what you have," Simon explained. He could tell Alec wasn't convinced, but he wasn't going to give up yet. It took a lot of pressing to get Alec to open up before and that was when the man wasn't at full strength.

"This was a bad idea."

"Alec-"

"What is hiding away in the forest going to do? I'm just avoiding the issues that are going to be waiting for me when I get back!" Alec shouted, shaking his head in frustration. He stomped away down a path leading from the cabin as Simon watched helplessly. It was like they were always taking two steps back. Alec was very good at convincing himself that every choice he made was the wrong one. How was Simon supposed to compete with a couple decades of conditioning? He was so scared that he was going to mess this up, but he was the one who was here, so he had to keep at it.

Simon jogged along in the direction Alec went, catching up to him after a minute. Alec was standing at the edge of the lake, staring out across the water. Simon silently stepped up to stand by his side, giving them both a moment to process their thoughts.

"If you decide to give up on me, I understand," Alec murmured, keeping his eyes focused on a point out in the distance.

"What?"

"You don't deserve me lashing out at you. I know that, it's just…" Alec trailed off.

"You're stubborn," Simon shrugged. Alec slumped a little at the perceived reprimand. "I don't mean that in a bad way. It's part of what makes you a good leader. You never give up when you have a mission to complete. Now you just have to learn how to use that tenacity on yourself."

"Bully myself into getting better?" Alec scoffed.

"If that's how you want to look at it, sure. Whatever it takes."

"But what if it doesn't work?" Alec asked quietly.

"Then we try something else."

"I still don't understand why you care so much," Alec sighed, holding up his hand as Simon was about to argue. "I mean, I get it at a base level, helping someone who needs it. But this is beyond what you would do for an acquaintance. So why?"

"The first time I met Clary, we just kind of clicked. I looked at her and knew we were going to be best friends," Simon said. Alec was giving him a look like he wasn't sure where he was going with this. Honestly, Simon wasn't sure either, but he didn't let it stop him. "Sometimes you just know, right off the bat. And then there is you and me."

"We were not like that," Alec snorted.

"Oh, definitely not. In fact, I thought you were kind of a dick."

"That's fair," Alec admitted. "And I thought you were annoying."

"Despite all that, I'm still here. It's hard to explain. I guess it's like when people go to war together and bond."

"War?"

"Whatever. What I'm saying is that you're not getting rid of me, no matter what you say. I'm by your side for the long run," Simon said with determination. Alec looked surprised, like he wasn't used to people supporting him. Simon knew that Jace and Izzy would, if push came to shove, they just weren't very good at showing it all the time. And from what he'd seen of shadowhunters, they weren't very good at expressing their feelings.

"I don't know what to say to that," Alec mumbled.

"You don't have to say anything," Simon replied, giving him a mischievous grin. "Now, let's get down to business. Do you know how to skip rocks?"

"What?" Alec muttered, rubbing his forehead.

"I'll show you," Simon said, stooping down to pick out the perfect stone. He found one that was nice and flat, flashing it at Alec in triumph. "Watch this." Simon flicked the rock toward the water, grinning when it skittered across the surface twice before sinking.

"What were you trying to hit?" Alec asked, squinting at that spot in the water.

"The point isn't to hit anything, it's to make the stones bounce across the top of the water. It's fun," Simon explained.

"Why?"

"Just because," Simon shrugged, tossing Alec a rock. He held it in his palm, looking at it uncertainly. "Try it." Alec sighed, throwing the stone half-heartedly. Simon watched as it hit the water with a soft plop, sinking to the bottom of the lake without much fanfare.

"Invigorating," Alec deadpanned.

"Well, you didn't do it right. There is technique involved."

"I still don't understand the point. How is this going to help me in the long run?" Alec questioned. "Is this going to help me fight a demon?"

"Not everything has to serve a higher purpose. It's okay to do things just to do them."

"But I could be doing something more productive."

"Is it really about being productive, or is it you trying to keep your mind occupied so you don't have to deal with things you don't want to?" Simon challenged. Alec looked away and Simon immediately felt guilty. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"

"You're right. At least partially," Alec admitted, turning to stare out over the water again. "When I was a kid, everything had to be about training. Even if we were playing a game, it had to be about honing some skill. Then I met Magnus and it was such a difference. He did things just because he wanted to. And then I did as well, to a certain extent.

"But after everything that happened, there was nothing left to enjoy. Everything I did had pretty much been me following Magnus' lead. I sure wouldn't go off to a bar by myself. So then I was back to how I had always been, with nothing but my work as company. Except now I knew what it was like to live for myself, if only a little bit. And knowing that I'd lost it and that it was my fault, was too much. So I threw myself into running the institute and training and reading obscure books about runes because as long as I was doing something, I wasn't thinking about my failures. We see how well that worked though."

"But you didn't lose it. Magnus is still here and willing to fix things."

"And I'll never be able to express to him how much I appreciate him giving me another chance. But I'm also terrified to screw it all up again," Alec whispered, closing his eyes in resignation. "Magnus deserves so much better than me."

"Do you think Magnus is stupid?" Simon blurted out.

"What? No!" Alec huffed. "He's probably the smartest person I've ever met."

"And he chose you. What does that say?" Simon pointed out. "If the smartest man you know loves you, that's gotta say something about you, right?"

"He also thought he was in love with Camille."

"Okay, so he made a mistake before. But he learned from it and fell in love with you. He could be doing literally anything in the world and being with you trumps it all."

"It feels like so much pressure."

"And yet, he already loves you at what you perceive to be your worst. Isn't it worth it to try to get better, not just for him, but for yourself? So you can learn to enjoy things, even something as simple as skipping a few stones?"

"This feels weird to say, but you're not so bad to talk to. I can see why Clary cares about you so much. You're a good person." Simon was kind of floored to hear something like that from Alec. He'd been pretty sure he was helping on some level, he hadn't been confident that Alec would see him as a friend at the end of all this.

"I think you're a good person too," Simon replied softly. Would this be a good time to hug?

"Now, how about you show me how to do this? I can't have you being better than me at something," Alec scoffed good-naturedly. Simon cackled before he could stop himself, shaking his head in exasperation as he gathered up a few more stones. They spent the next hour or so not talking about anything important, just tossing some rocks and having a good time.

Simon didn't think he'd ever forget the small look of pride Alec had after his first skip. It was the first time he really thought about how young Alec actually was, being only a few years older than himself. He always carried himself like someone much older and it was nice to see him relax and smile. One afternoon obviously wasn't going to fix everything, but this felt like one of those rare steps forward. Now they just had to figure out how to keep going in that direction.