Simon walked back into the main room of the cabin, after tucking himself away to have his dinner. He still felt weird drinking blood in front of people, unless he was in the company of other vampires. And he didn't want to unlock some innate urge inside Alec that told him to kill the bloodsucker. That probably wouldn't happen, but better safe than sorry.

Alec was sitting at the counter, picking at his own dinner. It had been a few hours since their talk at the lake, and they hadn't discussed anything important since. Simon didn't want to push him too hard and overwhelm him. When he'd been to therapy as a kid, the time for reflection after the sessions were just as important as the sessions themselves. They didn't really have the time for Alec to take a week in between hard talks, but a few hours wasn't too bad.

"How is it?" Simon asked, jerking his chin toward Alec's plate. It looked like Alec had mostly moved the food around, instead of actually eating it.

"It's good. One of Magnus' favorites," Alec murmured, jabbing his fork into the pasta.

"Not yours?"

"No, it's fine. I just don't have much of an appetite these days," Alec insisted, taking a bite and chewing slowly.

"What is your favorite food? If you don't mind me asking," Simon asked casually, hopping up on the stool next to Alec.

"I don't really have a favorite. I'm used to just eating whatever they have at the institute," Alec mumbled around the mouthful he was still trying to swallow. It looked like it was taking some effort.

"Doesn't Magnus order you guys stuff from all over the world? You've got to have something you enjoy," Simon prodded carefully. The corner of Alec's mouth quirked up a little and he set down his fork.

"There are these French pastries that Magnus gets sometimes after one of us has a stressful night," Alec said, his eyes going a little soft as he thought about the warlock. "He'll take a bite and close his eyes like it's the best thing he's ever had and I love to watch it."

"That sounds more like Magnus' favorite instead of yours," Simon pointed out.

"It's my favorite too. We can have the same favorites, can't we?" Alec shot back, a little defensively.

"Or is the reason you like them because Magnus likes them?" Simon challenged. Alec opened his mouth to argue, but closed it without saying anything. "There's nothing wrong with going along with things to make other people happy, as long as you let them do the same for you."

"I do like them though."

"But do you let Magnus think they are your favorite because it makes him happy?" Alec looked away, tapping his finger on the counter. "What would be the harm in telling people what your preferences are?" Alec sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. Who knew talking about food could be so personal?

"I guess I've just always kept things hidden, sort of by default. From the big things to the small," Alec admitted, gesturing to himself. "Like kicking up too much of a fuss about something would draw unwanted attention." Simon hated that Alec considered telling someone something as basic as preferring chocolate over vanilla could be considered kicking up a fuss.

"That makes sense, but maybe you took it to an extreme? There's this saying-"

"You mundanes and your sayings."

"That the squeaky wheel gets the grease. It's like whatever is the most noticeable gets the most attention. There's nothing wrong with being a little squeaky sometimes."

"I don't squeak," Alec huffed.

"But it would be alright if you did," Simon said, hesitating before he said his next part. "Jace is a bit of a squeaky wheel though." He could see Alec stiffen at the sound of his parabatai's name. His hand went to the spot Simon knew they shared a rune. Jace wasn't Simon's favorite person, for obvious reasons, but he knew that Alec loved him and their bond was important.

"Jace has been through a lot. It made sense for him to get extra attention when he was a kid. Even now he deserves it, for being such a great shadowhunter."

"But does that make it fair? Do you think there is a limit on affection?"

"No, but I didn't need anything. I still don't."

"Everyone needs something," Simon argued.

"But if I can get by without, shouldn't I? Who am I to take unnecessary resources?"

"It wouldn't be unnecessary."

"I've known my role, ever since I was a kid. I'm meant to be a leader, not to be coddled."

"Caring isn't coddling!"

"You don't know what you're talking about," Alec scoffed.

"Then explain it to me."

"I don't want to feel like a burden!" Alec shouted, standing up from his stool and knocking it to the floor in his haste. "If I can't live up to expectations, what right do I have to waste any resources?" Simon wasn't sure how they'd gone from food preferences to Alec being undeserving of love, but he wasn't going to stop the discussion, no matter the direction they headed in. Alec needed to get this out and for someone to hear his truth.

"Oh Alec, that's-" What did he say? Sad? Depressing? Heart-wrenching? All of the above and so much more that all seemed to boil down to the same painful conclusion? Simon didn't think Alec would appreciate anything close to pity right now. But he had to say something, because he wasn't going to be another person in Alec's life who saw how he always put himself last and did nothing. If you didn't call out injustice, it would never end. "You deserve things."

"Simon-"

"No, I'm not finished. You deserve love, care, happiness, affection," Simon listed off, counting on his fingers for emphasis. "You deserve to choose what to have for dinner on your birthday. And what station you listen to on the radio in the car. And what movie to watch on movie night. And countless other important and basic and inconsequential things, because you matter! You matter just as much as anyone else, regardless of whatever role you're meant for. Your purpose will never be more important than you as a person!" Simon was panting by the end of his little spiel and Alec was watching him with wide eyes. He sort of felt like one of those inspirational speakers holding a seminar in a hotel conference room. Simon had always thought they were kind of corny, but maybe it wasn't. Part of him was starting to think his words might be making a difference.

"I just- I learned to take what I could get and not ask for anything else," Alec said quietly, staring down at the floor. Simon considered Alec a bonafide giant, but right now he seemed so small.

"So, what do you want now?" Simon asked, sliding off of his own stool. If Alec gave even the slightest inkling that he would accept a hug, Simon was going to pounce on him.

"I don't know," Alec sighed, looking around the cabin. "Coming here was probably the first time I've ever done something purely for myself. Besides stopping my wedding."

"I remember," Simon said with a soft smile. "How did that feel?"

"Terrifying," Alec scoffed, shaking his head at the memory. "But also amazing. Jace and Izzy never seemed to have a problem defying orders from the Clave, but I always tried to do things as expected. I was prepared to tie myself to someone I didn't love for the rest of my life. Taking the chance and choosing what I wanted for once was like nothing I'd ever experienced before."

"So if you can do that, go against what everyone wanted you to do, in front of your parents, colleagues, friends, and those creepy no-mouth guys, don't you think you can take on the little things as well?"

"You make it sound so simple," Alec murmured.

"It might be hard at first, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not. Once you start thinking of yourself as well, it'll get easier."

"I don't think I'd mind going to bed," Alec admitted, dragging a weary hand down his face.

"That's a good idea," Simon agreed. It was still kind of early, but he wasn't going to immediately question one of Alec's decisions right after telling him he had the right to make them. And Alec had mentioned the other night that he hadn't been sleeping well, so he probably needed it. One night in Simon's bed and Magnus' magic most likely weren't enough to get Alec back to where he fully needed to be. "Those beds look really comfortable. And I promise I don't snore."

"Right," Alec mumbled, turning to walk toward their bedroom. He paused before he left, taking a deep breath but keeping his back to Simon. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Simon whispered, watching as Alec nodded in acknowledgment and walked away. All in all, the day had turned out to be a success. A few talks obviously weren't going to cut it, but Alec seemed more and more willing to try as time went on. Simon still felt flashes of anger at the thought of no one helping Alec before he got to this point, but nothing could be done about it now. Maybe after this getaway, Alec would have the tools to stand up for himself and not let things get this bad again. Either way, Simon was going to be by his side.