"This is nice. This is my favorite," Alexander murmured against Magnus' neck. Once they'd gotten back to the loft, they'd both been exhausted after the come down from their long awaited reunion. Magnus happily guided Alexander to the bed, laying down on top of the blankets, side by side. He let Alexander control his next moves, which were to slide over and nuzzle into Magnus' side. And he wasn't complaining.

"It's my favorite too," Magnus agreed. After not knowing if he'd ever feel this again, it was like heaven. Alexander wasn't the only one doing work while he was gone. Magnus took the time to recount every moment of their relationship, from the flirtiness in the beginning to the disastrous end. And as much as it pained him to admit it, he'd made some mistakes.

A part of him felt like he'd pushed too hard at first. He could smell the inexperience on him from a mile away. But Magnus had always been the type to go for what he wanted, by any means necessary. So he chipped away at Alexander's defenses, bit by bit. He thought he knew what was best, what Alexander was only trying to hide. But had he been too aggressive? Magnus truly believed Alexander loved him now, but had he forced his will on an unwilling man?

Alexander lived his life making the decisions he thought were right for everyone else. And while choosing Magnus was bucking against that, was he just switching to a new master? Did he feel like his only choices were the life he'd always led or Magnus? What did Alexander really want?

And then when Alexander felt the inevitable pull between the two worlds, Magnus reacted in anger instead of understanding. Sure, Alexander had made some mistakes and a few of them were big, but he shouldn't have been surprised. Magnus had centuries of experience in playing politics and riding the line between two sides. In comparison, Alexander was just a boy.

Magnus had gotten so caught up in his own happiness and love, then hurt, that he didn't pay as close attention as he should. And in the end, it had almost cost him Alexander for good. He'd set these unattainable expectations in his head without realizing it, just like everyone else in Alexander's life. And when he walked away from him, it was like another person was telling Alexander he'd failed. But they'd all failed Alexander.

"What are you thinking about?" Alexander asked, squeezing his arm a little.

"How happy I am now that you're back," Magnus replied. Alexander leaned back so he could look up into his eyes. "What?"

"You shouldn't do that. I want you to feel like you can talk to me, instead of holding things back," Alexander sighed, propping his chin up on his shoulder. "I know that sounds strange coming from me."

"It sounds smart. And you've always been smart," Magnus murmured, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Communication has never really been my strong suit. Giving orders is one thing, but this is so different. It's always been easier to just not say anything. Less chance of being hurt."

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I made your fears a reality."

"We hurt each other," Alexander acknowledged, resting his head back on his pillow. Magnus shifted so they were facing each other. "I don't believe we did it on purpose, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. Or that we shouldn't do everything we can to stop it from happening again."

"I agree," Magnus replied, swiping the hair off of Alec's forehead. "I was thinking about after we first met. Before you succumbed to my charms."

"Good thoughts or bad thoughts?" Alexander asked, obviously picking up on his hesitation. Even with his light words, there was a heaviness underneath them.

"A bit of both," Magnus admitted. Alexander's eyebrows furrowed like they always did when he was confused and Magnus wanted to kiss the look off his face, but he held back. That time would come later and it would be even sweeter if they made strides to get better first. "Do you think we would've gotten together if I hadn't been as persistent as I was?"

"Um, I don't know," Alexander answered, frowning a bit. Magnus didn't like to consider that possibility either. He remembered Clary mentioning something about an alternate universe and everyone being different, but there was so much going on at the time that he didn't really pay it much mind. He pitied any version of himself that didn't get to experience loving Alexander. "I knew I felt something when I met you, but I didn't know what. Or rather, I didn't let myself know. I probably wouldn't have done anything."

"Do you wish that's the way it would've gone?"

"What?"

"Do you wish I wouldn't have pushed? That we didn't get together in the first place."

"What are you talking about? Of course I want to be with you. I'm here now, aren't I?" Alexander insisted. "Do you not believe that I love you?"

"I do believe that you love me. Don't ever doubt that. But I worry that I forced you into something you weren't ready for."

"Magnus-"

"I could've been more patient. Or let you lead things. I just don't want you to look back and see me as another person who tried to control you."

"Magnus, even if I didn't know what I wanted, I knew I wanted you. I could've avoided you, but I didn't. And maybe you pushed me a little hard, but you were pushing me to be true to who I was, not for some agenda. You weren't trying to use me. The fact that you're sticking by me after everything I've put you through proves that."

"You haven't put me through anything. Unless you count giving me the absolute best days of my life as putting me through something." Alexander reached up, setting his hand against Magnus' cheek.

"I promise you that it's my choice to be here, no matter how this all got started. And if you need me to keep reminding you of that, I will," Alexander assured him, getting a sly smile on his face. "Besides, I could totally take you."

"Excuse me?" Magnus huffed, raising an eyebrow.

"And I seem to recall it was me who initiated the first time we… you know."

"That's true."

"And just because I found who I'm supposed to be with on the first try while you had to kiss a bunch of frogs, doesn't mean this isn't exactly right for both of us."

"Kissing frogs? Just what did you do in those woods?" Magnus asked with a smirk.

"A lot of things," Alexander murmured, rolling over to straddle Magnus' waist. "But not the thing I wanted to do."

"Which is?"

"You." Alexander leaned down, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Magnus slid his hands up the back of Alexander's shirt, needing to feel his smooth, warm skin. Not being able to touch him for so long had been torture, but now that he was back, he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to stop. "I missed this."

"As did I. Every day without you felt like a decade." Alexander kissed along his jaw, settling in the junction of Magnus' shoulder. He was happy enough to lay there and accept the affection until he felt a warm wetness spread across his skin. "Alexander?"

"I never let myself think about how much I was hurting you. I thought it would be better to be gone and let you move past me, instead of finding new ways to let you down," Alexander sniffled, keeping his face tucked away. Magnus ran his fingers through the back of his hair, soothing him through his confession.

"I would never get over losing you that way."

"Sometimes I still feel like that would be the right choice. I hate it and wish it were different, but the idea never fully leaves my mind."

"The fact that you're being honest with yourself is more important than you realize. It shows that you want to get better. And until you are, I'm going to be right by your side, loving you through all of it. One day, you're gonna love yourself as much as I love you," Magnus promised, pulling Alexander down so he was laying down again.

"I love you," Alexander breathed out. Magnus could feel his lashes flutter closed against his neck and he flicked his wrist, settling a blanket over the both of them. It was one conversation of many that they still needed to have, but the fact that they were having them was a good sign. Neither of them shied away from difficult topics and while some of it was hard to hear, Magnus felt better after getting it out. They still had a long way to go and the real test would be when Alexander fully rejoined his world, but Magnus meant what he said. He was going to be by his side for all of it.