Dysphoric Doubt

Author's Note: This story was requested by Pybro2. In this story, the main characters are in their 20s. I'm not an expert on the subject matter covered in this fic, but I did heavily lean on what I remembered and observed when my spouse was preparing for and ultimately went through their own gender affirming surgery (as well as consulting with them when necessary).

As the sun began its descent, casting a warm golden hue over the towering buildings sprinkled throughout Station Square, the bustling downtown was filled to the brim with Mobians and humans alike making their way home, clogging the streets and sidewalks.

Of course, while most people were clocking out for the day, one hedgehog in particular was hard at work in a small bakery. While most of the customers had since left, the pink hedgehog was putting the finishing touches on her final round of cupcakes.

"And, done!" Amy proclaimed as she set the dozen cakes along the display counter to cool. They were joined by various pies, cakes, cookies, and other treats, all decorated with orange and white frosting.

SWOOOOSH

In came a blue hedgehog like a burst of azure lightning, sending a strong gust of wind throughout the bakery which served to mildly annoy the remaining patrons, but even more so Amy.

"Sonic, what'd I tell you about running in here like that? You're gonna disturb the customers!"

"Sorry, Ames," he replied, running his gloved hands through his quills.

"You've even managed to lose a few buttons…" Amy sighed as she approached Sonic, forcibly tucking in the yellow-striped shirt into his khaki shorts, the unofficial uniform for her bakery. She proceeded to button up Sonic's open shirt with what buttons remained, no undershirt to cover the horizontal scar across his chest serving as evidence for the double mastectomy he underwent during his gender affirmation surgery. "There, all better!" Amy proclaimed as she stepped back.

"I dunno," Sonic replied, loosening his belt to allow some of his shirt to hang out, "it's a bit tight."

"Oh Sonic…" The pink hedgehog sighed, realizing it was no use. "Well, in any case, did you complete the deliveries?"

"Yep!" Sonic replied, giving his fiancée a thumbs up. "I even got a nice big tip!" The blue hedgehog pulled the Mobiums out of his pocket and threw them in the tip jar before glancing at Amy's freshly baked desserts. "Hey, these colors remind me of a certain two-tailed fox."

"Yep!" Amy replied, a smile across her muzzle as she counted the cash in the register. "In fact, he's coming over any minute now to say hello. Wait…did you forget we're throwing him a celebration?"

"Ummmm…no, I totally remember!" Sonic's attempt at convincing the pink hedgehog failed.

"Then I suppose you remember why we're throwing Miles a party?" Amy asked, placing her gloved hands against her waist.

"Because…of a raise?"

"Wrong," Amy replied to her fiancé with a frown. "Why would Miles get a raise when he owns Prower Incorporated? He's practically the richest person in Station Square."

"Oh yeah…" Sonic rubbed his chin in thought before the realization hit him. "Wait, I remember! It's to celebrate his latest victory over Dr. Eggman! His latest robot didn't even stand a chance."

"That's right!" Amy replied, cracking a smile once more. "And Miles' on-the-fly strategy to coordinate Restoration and GUN forces to take it out worked like a charm!"

"Yeah, I've never been prouder of 'im," Sonic reminiscent.

"Oh, there he is now," Amy interrupted, pointing to the large glass window showing the orange kitsune walking toward the door. He stepped inside, triggering the electronic bell connected to the door.

"Hey, Doc!" Sonic greeted, throwing a cupcake at the fox, who caught it with a single hand. "Look what Amy made for ya."

"That's…nice…" Miles sighed, ignoring the collection of bakery treats and, instead, sitting at a lone booth. Black rims circled his half-closed eyes, and his baggy lab coat was disheveled. Setting aside the cupcake, and pulling out his Miles Electric tablet from his tails, the fox read through the email he had bookmarked for weeks…and had since virtually memorized.

Thank you for scheduling your surgery with Station Square Hospital. We look forward to your visit. Before your procedure, please do not eat or drink anything. Parking is provided complimentary for all pati—

Sonic placed a gloved finger against the screen, pressing the tablet down to the table.

"Somethin' tells me you're havin' a bad day," observed the blue hedgehog.

"Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out," Miles replied with a sigh.

"You wanna talk about it?" Sonic sat opposite the orange kitsune. Miles, instead, peered away, staring out the window while resting his head on his folded arms. "Well, if it's some comfort…" The blue hedgehog unbuttoned his shirt to reveal his surgery scar. "…the procedure wasn't bad at all. Once they put you under, it's just one small snooze away from getting 'em chopped off."

Miles winced at the cartoonish yet grotesque description. "I appreciate you trying to help, but hearing it like that's the last thing I need."

"Ahh, sorry…" Sonic chuckled nervously as he ran a gloved hand through his quills, but then he noticed the fox wincing once more before crossing his legs. "You're still getting them, aren't you?"

"Y-yeah…" Miles admitted. "The medication my doctor prescribed has only helped a little. Compared to humans, these meds are, unfortunately, less effective, given our biological differences."

"I feel ya there," Sonic replied, leaning back in his chair.

"H-how do you deal with periods?" Miles asked, lifting his head up, seemingly more open to discuss.

"Oh? I use period underwear, sometimes menstrual cups, that sort of thi—"

"No, like…emotionally?"

"Ohhh…" Sonic raised a hand to his chin in thought. "Honestly, I just don't think about it, or whenever I'm feeling some dysphoria comin' on, I go for a run." Peering back at the sound of a crying baby, Sonic's face lit up at the sight of Amy carrying their toddler, an indigo-colored hedgehog just over the age of one. "In speaking of which, we need to head on home to get ol' Test Tube here some dinner."

"Sonic, what'd I say about calling him that?" Amy complained, giving her fiancé a disapproving stare.

"What? It's true, isn't it?" Sonic replied with a chuckle. "He was born in a lab, after all!" The blue hedgehog pulled himself from his seat and let Amy place the toddler in his arms before lifting him upright with a single arm, allowing the baby to get a lay of the land. "Say goodbye, Tes' Tube!"

"Bye, bye!" he cheered, waving a single hand at Miles who couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Bye bye, Kai," Miles replied, waving back at the baby. Of course, now that the staff were closing up shop, it was time for the two-tailed fox to make his way home.

As a successful owner of a megacorporation, Miles had homes all around the world, but as of late, with work keeping him busy coupled with his plentiful pre-surgery medical appointments, he has been staying at his penthouse in downtown Station Square, not too far from the bakery, but the sudden downpour, nevertheless, made the relatively short trek a miserable one.

Walking through the sliding glass doors of the building, he was greeted by the evening receptionist, but Miles could only muster a grunt as he approached the elevator. Using the retina scanner next to the buttons, Miles was able to take the lift all the way to the top floor.

Making his way through a small hallway upon leaving the elevator, Miles entered the locked double doors leading into his lavish, open apartment, complete with a large kitchen with various appliances, an entertainment room with an assortment of videogame consoles, and, of course, a garage where he parks his Tornado biplane.

With a sigh, Miles fell into his sofa, his face pressed into the cushion as he let a single arm drape to the floor below. He stayed like this for several minutes, even as the front door opened once more to reveal an ebony hedgehog wearing a dark blue government uniform, black vest, and leather shoes, pistols strapped to either side of his hips and dark sunglasses. Taking off his glasses, and removing his shoes, he sat down in the chair adjacent to the sofa and ran a gloved hand around the fox's triangular ears.

"Good evening, sweetie," Shadow said in a low, gruff voice.

"Mmmmm…" Tails simply groaned into the couch cushion.

"Rough day?" Shadow crossed one leg across the other.

"Mmmmhmmmm…"

"So Sonic was right," Shadow replied as he pulled out his cell phone, prompting the fox to pull himself out of his lying position.

"You spoke with Sonic?" Tails asked as he rubbed his forehead.

"Well, texted, but yeah." The ebony hedgehog pulled up his texts. "He commanded that I be extra nice to you."

"Oh, is that so?" Miles replied with a smirk. "Since when does Sonic give you orders?"

"Never," Shadow replied as he shook his head. "Besides, when do I ever treat you wrong?"

"Only when work keeps you away," Miles replied.

"Hey, special ops isn't exactly a nine to five, besides, you're working more than me."

"You have me there," Miles replied with a nod before lying back on the sofa once more. "If you want to fulfill Sonic's demand…I think I'm in need of a backrub."

"You're such a needy fox," Shadow teased as he pulled off his gloves and approached the sofa. There was just enough room for the ebony hedgehog to crawl on top of his, Shadow's knees keeping him upright and the kitsune's tails gently wrapped around his knees. The ebony hedgehog gently pulled the fox's lab coat off him to reveal his binder.

"And to think, in just one week, massages will be made easier without this thing getting in the way," Shadow noted as he pulled it up over Miles' head and tossed it to the side, all the while earning a gentle chuckle from his boyfriend below.

"Okay, enough messing around…" Rubbing his hands together, Shadow got to work; he first applied both of his open palms below Miles' shoulder blades. Then, pressing down with his weight, the ebony hedgehog slowly pushed his palms downward.

"Damn, you're pretty tense," Shadow remarked.

"Oh, shut it," Miles replied as he tightened the grip on his boyfriend's ankles with his tails, a smirk across his muzzle.

"As you wish," Shadow replied with a smirk of his own as he let his palms retrace their steps, traveling upward toward the fox's shoulders. Miles sighed as he allowed his muscles to loosen.

"I got time off for your surgery," Shadow said as his palms continued the massage ritual.

"Thank you," Miles replied before the air escaped his lungs from the pressure from Shadow's palms.

"Anything for you, fox boy," Shadow replied as he brought his palms closer together, allowing them to trace the path of Miles' spine.

"You know I'm in my twenties, right?"

"You're still my precious fox boy," Shadow replied, his grin growing slightly wider as he felt the contours of the fox's spine, the ebony hedgehog's palms nearly reaching his backside before he made the return trip up his back until he was close to his neck. "And I know exactly what my fox boy likes." He proceeded to wrap his palms around Miles' shoulder, gripping and applying consistently swaying pressure. Miles' face was on its side, a blush across his muzzle and his eyes half closed.

"Y-you're lucky I love you," Miles replied, "or else I wouldn't let you tease me so much."

"Lucky me," Shadow retorted as he continued the massage, changing his speed, pressure, and hand positions for the next 20 minutes until the fox was fast asleep, his breathing steady and his eyes closed, only emitting a gentle snore. Yet, despite this, Miles' tails were still wrapped around Shadow's legs, and while the ebony hedgehog met some resistance when he attempted to gently untangle himself from these furry appendages, he eventually freed himself.

Getting up from the sofa, Shadow covered his orange boyfriend with a blanket and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead before taking his seat on the recliner once more, book in hand.

"Well…today's the day."

Turning off his 5 AM alarm clock, the tired fox pulled himself out of bed. Stretching, he observed Shadow still sleeping on his side, his head covered by his pillow to drown out the noise from the alarm.

Stepping into the restroom, the disheveled fox studied himself in the mirror; blue pajamas with yellow circles covered his body, as did a matching pajama cap complete with a white pompom. He peered down at his chest, covered by his clothing, and the binder that was sitting nearby the sink.

"I can't believe it…after today, I'll never have to wear you again," he said as he slipped off his pajamas, and pulled the binder over his head, covering his chest. He studied himself in the mirror once more, a smile forming across his face as he pictured his bare chest without a binder, his breasts replaced with a long surgical scar akin to Sonic's. The daydream ceased, however, as the fox began feeling an ache between his legs.

"Damnit…" Miles sighed as he pulled down his underwear to reveal a spotty menstrual pad. As was all too common, he replaced the pad with a fresh one, a ritual that only served to amplify his sense of gender dysphoria, a feeling that he feared would never go away, even after his upcoming top surgery.

"One step at a time," Miles reassured himself as he pulled up his underwear. "I'll find a way to handle my periods, and even if I can never make them stop…" He reflected on the words shared by Sonic a week prior. "…it doesn't make me any less of a man." The fox studied himself in the mirror once more before giving himself a reassuring nod and grabbing his casual lab coat from the floor.

At this time, Miles would normally prepare himself breakfast and coffee, but even though his stomach rumbled for nourishment, he was not allowed to eat or drink so close to his surgery, so instead, he simply sat at his desk, going through the check-in and miscellaneous instructions provided many weeks prior by the hospital.

Finally, appearing in his study was Shadow, who was tired but had a cup of coffee beans in his hand.

"Morning, sweetie," Shadow greeted, giving the orange fox a kiss on the forehead before plopping a single coffee bean in his mouth.

"Morning," Miles replied, a smile across his face.

"You ready?" Shadow asked.

"Y-yeah, I think so," Miles replied with a nod. "Honestly, if it wasn't for your constant support, as well as the reassurances from Sonic and the rest of my friends, I probably would've called off the surgery a long time ago."

"I'm glad it never came to that," Shadow replied before tossing an entire handful of beans into his mouth. "The taxi arriving soon?"

"About 30 minutes," Miles replied. "I would normally fly, but I won't be in any such condition after the surgery; the exhaustion, pain meds, and dealing with the post-surgery drains will keep me out of the pilot's seat for a good while."

"So, no motorcycle rides either?" Shadow joked.

"Unfortunately, no," Miles replied, "but I'm sure Sonic would take you up on that date."

"Ha, funny." Despite the sarcasm in his voice, the ebony hedgehog still cracked a smile.

And so the last thirty minutes prior to the cab arriving was spent ensuring that all of his supplies were collected; a change of clothing just in case he needed to stay overnight, his Steam Deck, various medicines, post-surgery snacks, among other things, and right on schedule, Miles' phone buzzed with the notification that the cab had arrived, signaling to the couple that it was time to depart.

Miles' good mood began to dissipate shortly after the taxi began its trip to the hospital, replaced with a sense of anxiety. Sitting next to him, Shadow noticed his legs shaking, and sweat appeared across his forehead, clear signs of unease that he was quick to notice.

Unbuckling his seatbelt, the ebony hedgehog shimmied himself closer to his boyfriend.

"Hey, all passengers are required to wear their sea—"

"Can it," Shadow growled.

"Yes, sir," replied the driver, who shifted his attention back to the road.

Shadow continued nudging himself closer until their shoulders were rubbing together. He then took Miles' hand, enclosing it completely with his own two palms. This helped Miles calm down, as his legs were no longer shaking.

"Everything will be okay, Miles," Shadow said as he tightened his grip on his hand. "The surgery will go smoothly, and you'll make a speedy recovery." While Miles was no longer shaking, Shadow could still detect a sense of unease as the fox rubbed his legs together. Shadow knew exactly what this meant. "…and yes, you'll keep having periods, and that's okay. I'll help you through the discomfort, the feelings, the…everything."

"And no matter the dysphoric doubt, you are no less a man. Your periods do not define you, Miles."

"…Thank you, Shadow…" Miles proceeded to reach in for a kiss on Shadow's muzzle. "Somehow you always seem to know what to say."

"It's easy to tell the truth," Shadow replied with a smirk.

"We have arrived," said the cab driver as he pulled into the guest drop off zone of the Station Square Hospital.

Shadow pulled some Mobiums from his pocket, handing them to the driver before helping Miles out of the car. When they entered the hospital, they were greeted by the familiar friendly faces of all their friends: Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, Rouge, Team Chaotix, Cream, Vanilla: they were all there to offer their support for Miles as he prepared to embark on this life changing surgery.

And after going through the check-in and preparation processes, Miles changed into a medical gown and rested in his hospital bed, with Shadow by his side.

"It's time," said the doctor, signaling that Shadow needed to return to the rest of their friends in the waiting area. Several other doctors filed in as well to serve as the team who'd be completing the surgery.

"Good luck, Miles," Shadow said, giving his furry boyfriend one final kiss on the forehead, "though I know you won't be needing it."

"Thank you…my love…" Tails wore a smile, his eyes shimmering as the thought hit him that the day he was dreaming of has finally arrived. Indeed, the body dysphoria, the various psychological and medical examinations, all the paperwork he and his clinicians had to complete for the better part of three years all culminated in this: the day Miles would finally undergo his gender affirming double mastectomy.

With a final gentle wave, the ebony hedgehog left the room, leaving the team of doctors surrounding him. The anesthesiologist inserted an IV into the back of his hand.

"Are you ready, Dr. Prower?" asked one of the doctors.

Pausing a few moments, the orange fox peered down at his gown as if to say a final goodbye to his breasts, before giving a final nod.

"Yes, I'm ready."

As the general anesthesia filled his veins, the orange fox fell asleep knowing that, upon his awakening, he'll be entering the next chapter of his life.