Story is based on the song 'tis the damn season by Taylor Swift. Parts of this chapter are inspired by lyrics from her song How Did it End?
Ranger and Hector dropped me off at my car without much fuss. We talked a little about my visit, that I was staying at my parents' house and my mom had the itinerary for my whole trip. By then most of the church parking lot was clear and it finally stopped snowing. As Ranger pulled up behind my car I couldn't help but glance at the swings. Did he remember our time there as well? While I missed almost everything about Ranger, it was times like we had in that playground that I missed the most. There was something about the purity of our interactions in the dark of night that allowed us to connect in a way that was unique and special. I swallowed hard to stem the emotions, thanked the guys for the fun afternoon, and hurried to my rental car without looking at them. As always, I was running from Ranger, and the things he made me want that I knew I could never have.
I arrived at my parent's house just in time to unpack and settle in before dinner. I didn't bring much with me. My day-to-day wardrobe when I was here would be pretty much the same, jeans and a sweater or sweatshirt. Besides, most of my cold-weather clothes were left here in Trenton when I moved to California. Well, all the clothes I didn't throw away after they'd been destroyed in some sort of mishap while I was skip-chasing. So I'd just brought a carry-on bag with the essentials. I planned to spend the evening unpacking the clothes I'd need for my stay from the boxes I'd stored in the basement and doing a couple of loads of laundry. But as I went to put away the few things I'd brought with me, I found everything I might need for my stay freshly washed and folded, put away in the dresser drawers, or hung in the closet. My mom, for all her faults, loved me and showed me in her way, with gestures like this and care packages of homemade cookies, jars of her marinara, Tastykakes - all sent to me while I was away. Deep down, I knew all her questions about my love life were because she cared. She wanted me to be safe and happy. It was just hard for her to understand that I wouldn't be happy in the life that she and so many other women found joy in. But she loved me and I needed to remember that, especially when she made me crazy.
With nothing left to put away, I headed downstairs, there was a good half hour until dinner so I went to the kitchen to keep my mom company. I would say to see what I could do to help, but who was I kidding? My mom was an expert and didn't need my help. She was currently standing at the stove, stirring the gravy, the smell of her roast beef filling the small room, making my mouth water. My cooking skills have improved a little in the last year. Before my move, I could heat things. I still did a lot of that. The grocery store near my apartment had a lot of heat and eat options. I'd even purchased some of their prepped meal kits with everything I needed to make something simple, like stir fry, tacos, or pasta. The kit included all the ingredients: meat and veggies already cut, as well as spices and anything else I needed like rice or pasta. Each kit was made to feed two and since I never invited anyone to dinner I always had leftovers to take for lunch. It was a little thing, but it made me feel like a grownup. Most of the time I still felt like I was a pre-teen and when something happened in my life I would look around for a more grownup grownup to take care of it or at least tell me what to do. Maybe that was part of my problem in my life here in Jersey. Maybe I had grown more than I'd thought while I was away.
Mom smiled at me as I took a seat at the kitchen table. "It's so good to have you home Stephanie." Okay, that sounded sincere, with no overtones of guilt. It was nice to see my family. How nice interactions with a certain someone were going to be had yet to be determined.
"It's good to be with you guys for Christmas. You always make it special for all of us." That made my mom blush a little. Hmm, maybe that's where I got it from. We weren't big on words in our family, but that didn't mean they weren't nice to hear. Ranger had been the first to tell me out loud that he was proud of me. I was overwhelmed with the flood of emotion it had brought about the first time he said it as if I didn't know how much I needed to hear it until he said it. I missed it. Sometimes when I made a breakthrough on a case at work or challenged myself to do something that was hard for me, I still heard his voice in my head, 'Proud of you Babe.' The words pleased me and angered me at the same time because they still meant so much and I was pretty sure I would never hear them again.
My mom broke me out of my thoughts, "It's hard for me to have you so far away, but as long as you're happy I can deal with it." Wow, who was this woman? It was hard on me too. I gave up everything, my family, my friends, my whatever Ranger was to me, in an effort to start over. But I thought back over my last year, was I happy? I wasn't unhappy. I loved my job. A lot. It was perfect for me, but as for my personal life, well I didn't have much of a personal life, so happy would be a stretch. I'd spent any downtime I had licking my wounds, trying to heal, and trying to figure out how I'd let things get so fucked up. I needed the time on my own to do that. But I needed to move on, move past it. I made a New Year's resolution right then and there to make that my focus for the next year. I needed to hang out with other people, make friends maybe even, gulp, go on a date. It's not that there haven't been offers on both fronts. I'd been invited out for nights out on the town, dinners, and bonfires. I'd gone some of the time, the minimum amount possible, saying yes after I'd felt I'd said no too many times. And there have been guys who've been interested, but I'd never entertained the idea. I just couldn't. Well, no more. Look out West Coast, here comes Stephanie Plum, incredibly single and finally ready to mingle.
I hadn't quite learned how to make friends as an adult. It was hard, especially growing up how I did, and where I did. Almost everyone here in the Burg I'd known since birth and they knew everything about me. Even with Ranger and the Merry Men, my life was an open book, any stranger on the street could tell them my complete personal history. Now, I lived somewhere no one knew anything about me, except what I chose to tell them. I guess that had been what kept me from developing deeper friendships. I didn't know what or how much to share. At work, I was now a professional and liked being seen as such and was in no hurry to out myself as the formerly bungling Bombshell Bounty Hunter. As for opening up about my personal life, I didn't know where to begin. I felt like I needed to make a Google slide show of main characters and defining events in my life. But wasn't I trying to get past all that? But all those people and events made me who I am and not sharing that made me feel inauthentic. I'd just have to figure it out as I went.
Mom and I passed the time with her sharing bits of news from the Burg, just the basics: marriages, divorces, babies, and break-ups. The thing that was missing was her bemoaning the fact that I wasn't having any of these major events in my life. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did, lending credence to my theory of this being an alternate universe from the one I left a year ago. Even dinner was bizarre, a quiet affair with just me and my parents. It was the 7th night of Hanukkah and Val and her family were with Albert's mom. The night was special because it was Chag haBanot or the Festival of Daughters, something their family had plenty of to celebrate. Mary Alice and Angie had told me all about it. MA felt special being able to celebrate multiple holidays. When she was in kindergarten they learned about holidays around the world. For the longest time, she kept asking if we were sure no one in our family was black because she wanted to celebrate Kawanza too. Sometimes I envied the joy and innocence she still had in her life, even now. Grandma was at the Senior Center for the 9th Day of Christmas celebration. It was 9 Pipers Piping and she was hoping to find out what Scotsmen wore under their kilts. My mom shuddered as she shared that last bit. MA had some serious competition in Grandma for someone who sought joy in life. Maybe I needed to follow suit?
I waited for one of my parents to bring up Ranger or Rangeman, but neither did. I wanted to talk to my dad about Ranger and my assignment for the afternoon but I didn't want to do it in front of my mom. So far there had been no talk of my personal life and I didn't want to tempt fate. If my mom saw Ranger in a different light than when she first met him I was sure she'd be slotting him in as bachelor number one. Neither of my parents nor anyone outside of whatever the Merry Men knew had any inkling of what had gone down between Ranger and me and I wanted to keep it that way. When I left, I'd focused on the job offer and nothing personal. There were rumors that I was fleeing town to lick my wounds after Joe had gotten engaged to Emily Ricci, a kindergarten teacher. My mom never mentioned it to me although I'd heard through other sources that it had been a short engagement and they'd welcomed a 9 lb 6 oz 'premature' baby boy seven months after the wedding. I had no hard feelings towards Joe, if he was happy, I was happy for him. And if the rumors kept people from discovering the truth about my life and why I left, all the better.
Tired after the long day, I made my excuses and headed up to my room. After showering and getting ready for bed, I scrolled on my phone and returned messages to my group chat with Connie, Mary Lou, and Lula, confirming our plans to meet up on the 26th for coffee and hit the after-Christmas sales. We'd kept in touch, mainly texting, but occasional phone dates to catch up. I was looking forward to seeing them all, but a little leary too. I knew that they all suspected there was something besides a job offer that instigated my move, but I've never told them what happened. They've each fished for information but thankfully never pushed it. It would have been nice to confide someone about the whole thing, but I never had. The only ones who knew what went down between us were Ranger and me. I mean, I guess he could have told someone, but I doubted it. There were lots of reasons I never told any of them. The first one was that Ranger is such a private man and he was so secretive about the whole thing, that it felt like a betrayal to share something so personal. Also, there was a part of me that felt like one of the reasons he wouldn't commit to me was that nothing in my life was ever private and that if I shared the details of our relationship it would somehow give validity to his concern and he'd be proven right. I certainly didn't want that. Another reason is that while I truly believed that Ranger and I were made for each other and had he allowed it we would have been happy together. But, the fact is he wouldn't allow it and the constraints he put on our involvement brought out the worst in both of us. I was ashamed of what I settled for and for some of my behavior when it all went to shit. I lost a lot of respect for myself and I didn't want them to do the same.
The other thing was the way breakups were treated in the Burg. When a relationship ended, each party would get together with their friends and examine it, like a post-mortem autopsy. How did it end? What had gone wrong? Was it something that truly couldn't be cured? And even though everyone was empathetic, there was a hunger for information, the need to know every little detail. Then afterward they would go home to their spouses, smug because they were still safe, loved, and in a relationship. Without malicious intent they would call their friends and cousins, casually sharing everything they knew, being certain to include how badly they felt for their friend. The whole thing was morbid. I'd participated many times before and had no interest in subjecting Ranger and me to that. As painful as the affair had been, I wanted to protect it, me, him from the prying eyes of others.
While I was mindlessly scrolling social media in an attempt to wind down a text message popped up. It was from Hector, my savior. In a lot of ways, he'd become the brother I never had.
Bang Bang: u ok?
Me: (thumbs up emoji)
Bang Bang: u sure?
Me: thanks for saving me
Bang Bang: de nada
And that was it. That was all that needed to be said between us. There was something about the language barrier between us that cut out all the bullshit. Communication was brief and to the point. For someone like me who tended to prattle on to fill the silence, it was nice. With Hector, silence was okay. There was only one other person who I shared comfortable silences with but I wasn't in the mood to think about that right now.
My relationship with Hector was one of the few happy things about the last four months of my time in Trenton. It was about a week after my blow-up at Ranger in his apartment. I took a few days to drown my sorrows with junk food and alcohol in the privacy of my apartment, Rex playing the part of both bestie and therapist. But after realizing it was getting me nowhere, I dumped the rest of the alcohol down the drain. I didn't have to do anything about the junk food because I'd already eaten it all. But I decided I wasn't buying anymore, well, I would be buying less, okay, I would be buying the same amount but I would also be buying healthy food too and I was going to start working out. I heard it was good for lifting your mood and I figured at this point, anything was worth a try.
Putting my pity party behind me, I headed to the office and picked up my skip files. Connie was giving Lula a manicure so I was flying solo. I was grateful because I wasn't feeling very sociable and I didn't feel like getting shot at. While she may mean well, Lula usually ended up making things worse when picking up skips, not better. I'd already picked up Dougie and Mooner and delivered them back home after Vinnie re-bonded them. Next on my list was a first-time offender Gabriela Martinez. She was only 19 years old and had taken a baseball bat to her ex-boyfriend's custom-painted muscle car. At the time he was still her boyfriend and was in the backseat making out with her cousin. Sounds like he got what was coming to him if you ask me.
I pulled up to the house listed on her bond agreement. According to the paperwork she still lived with her mom. The row house was not unlike the one my parents lived in, although this one was freshly painted a crisp white with colorful flowers running up the walk. While the Martienz house and yard were immaculate, the same could not be said for the whole block. One house in every three was in a serious state of disrepair with broken windows and multiple vehicles on blocks in the front yard. I'd tried calling the number in her file but got no answer so I decided to see if anyone was home. The neighborhood was similar to the Burg, the majority of the families were Latino judging from the old men and women I saw sitting on porches and little kids I saw running up and down the sidewalk. The other similar thing was their ability to spot an outsider. All eyes were on me as I stepped out of my car and made my way up the walk.
Before I could even knock on the door, it swung open and a Latina woman in her early 40s was staring me down. She had to be Gabriela's mother. She was very pretty and wearing a skirt and t-shirt bearing the logo of a local Mexican restaurant. "Qué quieres?" (What do you want?) She barked at me, none too friendly.
I was set to launch into my full spiel about who I was and why I was there but figured it wasn't going to get me too far, so I simplified, "Gabriela?" I asked.
"No," she said curtly and slammed the door in my face. Well, shit. I'd told myself multiple times that I needed to learn Spanish, but had never made it a priority. Mainly I'd wanted to know what Ranger was saying while we were in bed together, it sounded hot and not the sort of thing I wanted to ask one of the guys to translate for me. Just the memory of it made me blush. Jerk.
I turned back to my car, trying to decide if I should just leave and try and catch Gabriela at work or come back another time. On my way to the house, I'd noticed the stares, but now there were several people out in the open who'd come to take a closer look. The little kids were no big deal, but some teenage boys were eyeing me in a way that made me extremely uncomfortable. Debating the merits of making a run for my car or banging on Mrs. Martinez's door and begging for sanctuary, I spotted my savior. I didn't recognize him at first, he was dressed in street clothes, a white tank top and jeans instead of the usual Rangeman black. Hector! My body sagged with relief as he approached. He stopped briefly to growl something in low tones to the teenage boys who turned tail and ran before striding up to me, a grin on his face.
"Estefania?" He quirked an eyebrow.
Relieved to see a friendly face I threw my arms around him, "Hector, I'm so glad to see you." He stilled for a moment before returning the hug.
Releasing me he stepped back and asked, "Help?" pointing at the Martinez house. I nodded and pulled Gabriela's file out of my bag and handed it to him. He glanced at it before handing it back and walking towards the house, dragging me along with him. He knocked on the door and Mrs. Martinez shouted through it what I assumed was the Spanish equivalent of "Go away."
Undeterred Hector fired back in rapid Spanish, his tone authoritative, but not angry. The only part I understood was when he said his name to identify himself. The door opened immediately and she apologized to Hector profusely, "Lo siento, lo siento, no lo sabía." (I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't know.) I took it from the way she spoke to him, that she either respected or feared Hector, maybe both. He waved off her apology and pointed to me, he spoke to her again, I assumed since he used my name, he was introducing me and telling her why I was there because I heard Gabriela's name too. The woman looked me up and down like she didn't believe him. I understood, I got that a lot. I showed her my apprehension paperwork and she turned back to Hector. He handed her his Rangeman business card and we turned and left.
Walking to my car he told me, "She call me, I call you. We pick Gabriela up." My eyebrows rose, wow, that was easy. I thanked him for his help as he tucked me into my car and disappeared like only the Merry Men and their boss could. The very next day he texted me with the time and address. I met him at the 24-hour fitness center Gabriela worked at. Hector explained what was going to happen and she quickly agreed. She seemed sweet. I mean, I took an axe to our dining room table after finding Dickie and Joyce, so who was I to judge? We waited for her to finish the class she was teaching and then she came with me to the station where we met Vinnie so she could be rebonded. I even signed up for a trial membership at her gym while we waited.
Hector also laid out a deal for me while we waited, "You call me, I help. You drive to station." Was he offering me some sort of partnership?
"I call you if I need help with a skip?" I asked. He nodded. So I clarified, "Just with Spanish?" He shook his head no. "Muscle too?" I tried to figure out what he was offering. He flexed his biceps and grinned at me. Alrighty then. What was the last part he said? "But I drive them by myself to the police station?" He nodded. "Like a secret partner?" He grinned bigger. I chewed on my lip. It sounded like a good deal to me. I knew I wouldn't be calling Ranger for help anymore, but I hated taking advantage. The most important question was his motive, "Why?" I asked, not wanting to seem ungrateful.
He frowned at that and I felt bad, I didn't mean to insult him. He shrugged and just said, "I like you." That made my lower lip tremble. It was so sweet and genuine. What I was pretty sure was going on is that Hector the tech god sees and knows everything that happens in the Rangeman building and witnessed my hasty exit from Ranger's apartment and what it probably meant. Who would have thought a former gang member with two tear-drop tattoos could be such a softie? I swallowed the sob that wanted to escape and hugged him again. This time he was ready for me and hugged me back. "You be ok," he whispered into my hair.
And so a beautiful friendship was born. Whenever I had a skip that was giving me a hard time, I'd text Hector. In return for his help, I fed his sweet tooth. My mom was constantly trying new recipes, and sending me home with more cakes, cookies, and bars than even I could eat, especially with my new health kick. I mean I still ate the cookies, but I was eating a little bit healthier too and I went to the gym 4 days a week. Hector showed me how to use some of the machines and twice a week I took a hip-hop dance exercise class Gabriela taught.
I was still missing Ranger, but I only let myself think about it when I was alone in my apartment. I held it together in public and I did my job. I stupidly thought to myself one day, Ranger would be proud of me which completely ruined the moment. I thought that if I could just stay away from Ranger, make sure I didn't run into him at the bonds office or the station and everything would be fine. Eventually, I wouldn't have a gaping hole in my heart.
I was still waiting for that to happen. At this point, it would take a Christmas miracle.