R: Ultra Evolution

Book 27: Goodbye Maddy Smith

Continued from Book 25

Noticing the ghostly white hand that had hold of them, Blair fought to kick it off, but the death grip of it was far too strong, and anchored she and Maddy both to the river bed, with the ex-Marine all too aware that every moment, every joule of energy she exerted, was making their survival less and less likely. Try as she might, she just could not cut loose of the ghastly grip, and it appeared that all hope may just be lost.

That was when she noticed a slight weight in her pocket, and remembered an item that she had long forgotten about - a pen knife, gifted to her by Belle over two months previously, with the white rose of Yorkshire carefully engraved on it. Without a second thought, she withdrew the weapon from her pocket, and with perfect precision, stabbed the individual who had hold of them straight in the heart, watching the blood leak for a moment before she grasped Maddy, wrapping her long and thick arms around her friend's body, and pulled herself onto Maddy's back.

With one more breath, she started swimming again. She didn't know where she was heading, other than she was heading upwards. All she could do was push, harder and harder, propelling through what felt like miles and miles of open sea with no change in the scenery. All she could see was murky depths, and all she could feel was her breathing slowly getting shallower, as she started to run low on oxygen.

In an attempt to maximise their survival attempts, Blair took one huge breath, and then completely shut her mouth, and closed her eyes, trusting to instinct to see them safe, and shutting off every function she felt unnecessary, only breathing through her nose when she felt like she was going to burst. Regulating her breathing, she could only pray that she got out alive, and all she could think about was Ally, Jade and Rio having to live without her, and the thought of leaving behind all her hopes, dreams and ambitions.

These thoughts pushed her further onwards though, and after five minutes which felt like a lifetime, she finally felt the first sign of oxygen. So she gave it one last vicious push with all of her remaining strength and energy, sweeping through the bittercold like a mermaid, with her Geordie luggage carried below her like she was strapped to her very own body. With the last of her energy, she gathered herself, and soared one final time.

On the riverbank

Jana was waiting on the riverbank around a mile down from where Blair had entered the water, when she suddenly saw a slight ripple on the water's surface, and then saw Maddy's head break the surface altogether, followed seconds later by Blair, who seemed completely spent and confused as to where she was. Eager to help, Jana signalled over to Jade with a flashlight, before throwing a long rope from Blair's utility belt to them, with Blair weakly grasping it.

As Jade arrived at the bank, she saw Blair's condition, and taking one look at Jana, they picked up the rope, and powerfully pulled the rope, towing Blair and Maddy towards the bank. Worryingly though, as they approached dry land, Blair forced Maddy's hand to grip the rope, and then let go, slowly swimming the last of the way, and Jade dropped the rope with Maddy almost to shore, picking Blair up, and after draping her girlfriend's arm over her shoulder, carrying her to shore.

As she was set down, Blair took a huge breath, and lay flat on her back, eyes tightly shut. Gently, Jade whispered 'Speak to me', to which her girlfriend wheezily replied 'Check Maddy, I'm fine, just need oxygen.' 'Jana's checking on her, my concern's you. You were under there for' 'Felt like hours. I had to stab someone down there, they had hold of her ankle, we were both going to die under there, I took a pen-knife out and stabbed them. Bet you're less keen on me being a hero now.'

Jade just held her though, not annoyed at all. 'You can't save everybody, that was someone who was clearly determined to die, all you could do was save Maddy and yourself. Because of you there's one body down there, not three. And whoever you tell, that's the way they're going to see it, you saved your life and her life. That's what counts.' Nodding, she admitted 'You're right, just feels scummy.'

She then glanced over, where Jana was knelt over Maddy, and slowly, Blair stood up, almost falling over on the soft sand before walking over to where they were, and Jana looked up at her, shaking her head. 'Don't…' 'How'd you do that?' 'Is she breathing?' 'Yeah, I tilted her head back and she started breathing. Not conscious or anything, but she's alive, and I'm so grateful. I should have known something like this would happen.'

While this conversation was happening, an ambulance arrived, and one of the paramedics rushed out to Maddy, with Jana providing the details. 'Maddy Smith, 18, she was underwater for somewhere around 10-15 minutes we think, she's breathing but unconscious.' As an oxygen mask was brought out along with some foil blankets, Blair was being covered by the same on the beach a few yards away.

'And your name is?' 'Blair Flannigan, 20, I saw she'd jumped into the water and jumped in after her, I'm an ex-US Marine so I'm pretty good in the water. Managed to get her out, but had to kill someone down there in the process.' She then threw the bloodied pen-knife onto the sand, expecting the police to be called. Instead though, the medical professional casually kicked it back towards her.

'You haven't done anything wrong, you saved a life and you should be proud of that. How are you feeling?' 'I'm… a little short of breath, my heart's pounding.' After a brief check, the paramedic lifted her up. 'We'll get your friend into the ambulance, but I'd like you to get checked out as well, your heart rate is severely elevated, so this is a precaution.' Concerned, Jade stopped them. 'What does that mean?'

Being honest, he stated 'In my medical opinion, your friend might have something called a Heart Murmur. It's nothing serious, but if we can detect it, then we can potentially fix any issue. And at the very least, she was underwater for a decent amount of time, I can't force you but I'd at least like to get you down there.' Understanding, Blair prompted Jade to 'Phone a taxi, then phone Phil and Hannah.' 'And the base?' 'Not until we know Maddy's condition.'

While Maddy was being loaded into the ambulance, Jade was on the phone to Phil. 'Phil, don't freak out, but Maddy's just tried to take her own life, she jumped into the Tyne.' Immediately though, it was one word that he noticed. 'Tried?' 'Blair jumped in there after her, they're both out now, Maddy's breathing but hasn't woken up yet, Blair's getting a taxi to the hospital, the paramedic thinks she has something called a murmur?'

'Heart murmur?' 'Yeah.' 'Ok, thanks, I'll be down there as soon as I can be. Thanks for calling.' 'It was Blair's idea.' 'Can I speak to her?' Jade looked to her suggestively, and she rolled her eyes, before nodding. 'Can this be quick, I'm not feeling my best.' 'I just want to thank you.' 'Don't, anybody would have done that in my situation, and I still owe her, remember. I'll allow myself to accept thank yous when she's awake. Just drive safe, ok?' 'I will do.'

At the hospital

Having caught wind from Phil about the situation, Emma rushed in to the hospital, expecting to find her daughter on a ventilator or worse, but was greeted by Jana outside the hospital. 'She woke up a couple of minutes after the ambulance moved off, she's totally conscious but hasn't said a word, I think she's refusing to talk to anybody, but if anyone can get anything out of her, it's you.' 'Don't worry, I have ways' she responded while storming in, worrying Jana.

As Emma walked onto the ward, Maddy was lay on her side, and as she approached, a nurse talked to her. 'Are you Maddy's Mum?' 'Yes, and I want to know why an 18 year old who had just been diagnosed as having had a miscarriage was allowed to discharge herself without question.' Shaking her head, the nurse replied 'She didn't discharge herself, the lead staff nurse in charge discharged her to free up a bed. Just between us, she should never have been discharged without being offered mental health support.'

'So how is she?' 'She's refusing to talk, she's cried a couple of times but won't tell anybody what about, she won't tell us why she did it, she won't tell us if anything's hurting, we've got absolutely nothing out of her. If you'd like to try, then I can leave the ward if you would like.' Knowing what she might have to resort to, Emma nodded to the nurse, who walked away and out of the ward.

Meanwhile, Emma walked straight up to Maddy's bedside, and confidently stated 'What the hell were you playing at? Putting your friend at risk like that, that isn't the girl I… we raised, you've got some serious explaining to do.' As she didn't respond, Emma continued to be stern. 'You seem to think you can ignore me, but you have to remember that I'm not going anywhere until I get answers out of you. Do you know how close she came to drowning with you?'

Quietly, Maddy mumbled 'Nobody forced her to try and save me.' 'You're sounding incredibly ungrateful right now. Where's your gratefulness, where's the girl who would be fighting tooth and nail to find her and thank her for what she did, try and find some way to repay her? Because I'm not looking at Maddy right now, I'm looking at someone who thinks she's Maddy, but has nothing in common with her. Whatever makes you think drowning yourself was the right decision?'

Finally, this made Maddy crack, and with wide eyes, she launched herself off the bed. 'Because I need to be punished for what I did. I killed my own Dad, your husband, why aren't you even slightly angry with me? Someone needs to punish me and it became clear that nobody else had the guts to do what needed to be done, so I had to remove myself before I can do anymore damage.'

This was enough for Emma, who got her phone out of her handbag. 'I'm sorry I have to do this to you Maddy, but I'm afraid it's the only way - to move forward, you're going to have to see the truth of that day.' After looking through her phone for a moment, Emma produced a picture which was enough for Maddy's face to go pale, and she stumbled backwards into her waiting hospital bed, hiding under the pure white duvet cover.

'Scary enough? Because that was you. On that day, that was you. And I hope this picture scares the living daylights out of you, because that's what you did to us. Or should I say, what Rhydian did to us, because it wasn't really you, was it? Let me tell you something - you were like that, and despite all that, despite him using some black magic to tear your mind apart, you still knew it was wrong, you still tried to stop, tried to make him stop, and he forced you to continue. Now I can come under there and make you see this picture again, or you can pull yourself together and we can have a proper conversation, because I can't hide the truth forever from you. We need to talk about this before you can move forward.'

At this moment Jana walked in, and saw the clear imprint of Maddy's face under the thin duvet. 'What the hell have you done to her?' Emma stared at her for a moment, before handing Jana the phone. 'If you look at it, be prepared.' Almost immediately, intrigue overcame the redhead, and she looked at the phone, almost dropping it in response. The picture in question saw Maddy with a brick in her hand, teeth gnashing and eyes dead and empty, with barely a hint of gold in the centre, with Rhydian almost laughing in the background. The person she was aiming for was not shown, but Jana could easily surmise it, as could Maddy, who slowly removed the duvet from over her head, as Emma stroked the front of her hair.

'I'm sorry I had to do that to you my little cub, but you had to see that what was in your eyes that day, it wasn't human. You were a completely different creature, you weren't just brainwashed, you were almost metamorphosing. Jana, I need my phone.' As she nervously passed it back, Emma found another photo, this time of Maddy walking to the zone at No Mercy. 'This was just before the duel where Blair and Astrid brought you back. Now do you see what I mean? Or do you need more?'

Shaking her head, Maddy quietly stated 'I never knew the grip he had on me, because that really wasn't me.' 'It was the furthest thing away from you. And he knew that as much as I did. He never would have blamed you, and that's why I never blamed you once. All any of us ever wanted was you back, the real you, not the monster that he was creating like some kind of frankenstein nightmare. That's what you were, you were a monster created out of your body.'

'All this time… I blamed myself. It was my fault, I walked straight into their trap.' 'I know you missus, you always do what you think is right, even when it's not. You must have thought that it was the only option to walk into there knowing what could happen, but the consequences spiralled out of the imagination of anybody. You can't keep beating yourself up for a situation you didn't cause.'

Suddenly, the double doors to the ward burst open, and Astrid came sprinting in, with most of her rock climbing gear still on, a guide rope trailing behind her. After she and Maddy stared at each other for a moment, she slammed down a certificate, shouted 'You're welcome!', and stormed away crying as her friend looked on in shock. Emma though, had little sympathy, but instead a warning.

'That's the effect you're having on people. Because when you blame yourself like this, and when you can't take it anymore, you're also making them feel the same way. How do you think your scheming makes them feel?' Realising what she was talking about, Maddy looked up to Jana. 'This is a huge thing, but could you ring the retreat?' 'I'm not cancelling it Maddy' 'To see if they have availability sooner? I'm not safe on my own.' Understanding, Jana nodded.

As she left the room to ring them up, Emma held her daughter's hand, and asked 'Did Rhydian ever… hurt you? Physically? Like your ribs, was he responsible for' 'No.' was the swift response, surprising Emma. 'It sounds stupid, but he cares about me, he would never allow himself to do something like that to me. And if he'd known that Lukas had, he would have dealt with the situation. He would never lay a finger on me like that.'

The next question though, was what Emma really needed to hear. 'Be honest with me now, I need to know: Do you still love Rhydian?' Without hesitation, Maddy shook her head. 'A long time ago, yes. But we're different people now. I haven't loved him for a long time, even before we broke up I realised that I just didn't feel that energy anymore. There is good in him, but he's trying to regain something that is long dead, and that's why he's doing what he is. But no, I don't.'

Outside the hospital

Jana walked out of the hospital, and found Astrid in tears at the taxi rank nearby. So she quietly approached, and sitting next to her, bluntly stated 'She's asked to go to the retreat sooner. Said she isn't safe on her own anymore.' 'Can say that again' she mumbled in return. 'You have to remember who you're dealing with here. When Maddy feels like she has to do something, she's going to move heaven and earth to do it.' Angered though, Astrid snapped back. 'So what - she just ups and leaves us without an explanation?'

This was when Astrid had a brainwave though. 'Unless… she was having doubts, she tried to make sure she couldn't be talked out of it.' 'Now you're seeing' Jana grinned. 'She had to make sure nobody could persuade her not to, because she was trapped in a cycle and there was no other way out to her. And she didn't see the retreat as the way out' 'Because she was still her. She didn't want to die, she wanted to be reborn.'

Astrid then wiped her tears away. 'Everyone back at base needs to know.' Jana passed her phone over, telling her newly found friend 'I know the number for the retreat, so I'll go back in and see if the reception staff will let me borrow their phone. You ok letting people know?' Astrid nodded in response, and Jana ran back into the hospital, while the Norwegian clumsily dialled the number for the base.

At the base

Freja was once again attempting her baking project, and had now thought of a plan to avoid being disturbed. 'Much easier to do this now that Belle and Lydia are both on separate scouting missions. I've got a couple of hours before either are due back. So we want 200g of butter, and… 9 floz? The fuck's Floz, I thought that's what posh people did with their teeth every morning.'

While she was wondering out loud, Rio passed by, and the base's phone rang. 'Jodi, could you get that for me?' 'Sure thing.' As she did, the Interim president looked at the cookbook Freja was using quizically. 'Fre, why are you using my Mom's book?' 'It was the first book to hand I could actually read properly. You might know then, what the fuck are Flozzes?' Rio looked at the recipe, and immediately responded 'Fluid Ounces, my Mom used some really strange measurements.'

Before their conversation could continue though, she picked up Jodi sounding concerned on the phone. 'And where are they now? Newcastle General? Right, I'll let everyone know, thanks.' Jodi then ran over to the kitchen. 'Guys, Maddy and Blair are in Newcastle hospital, Maddy's tried to drown herself.' Terrified, Freja asked 'Is Maddy… dead?' 'No, she's awake and talking, but only really to Emma at the moment. Astrid's absolutely blown up with her.'

As they both reeled from the news, Rio looked to Freja. 'I know you want to go down there, but I need you to do something huge for me Freja - I need you and Jodi to be in charge for a few hours. I'm going to see Blair, was there any update on her?' 'Not other than she's on the ward herself, doesn't sound like it's anything serious.' 'So can you do that Freja?' She took a breath, and then agreed. 'If Jodi's ok with it.' 'I am.' Rio then rushed off.

In the hospital

Blair was on a different ward to Maddy, but was the furthest thing from happy about it. 'Seriously if you don't let me go and find her, I swear I'm going to punch the head off every doctor here.' 'You heard the doctors' Jade lectured 'You're not going anywhere until your heart slows down. We know she's fine, because we had Astrid in here not ten minutes ago ranting about how lucky Maddy is that she had you. You could go down as a hero for this'

'Yeah but I don't want to be a hero!' she snapped again. 'I want to get the heck out of here so everything can go back to normal. I only did what I had to.' 'You've still not explained why you were willing to drown just to help her. You could have been killed, and then where would me and Ally have been? Why was that not a consideration at any point?' A voice then came from the doors. 'You did it for me didn't you?'

They looked around, and Rio was leaning on a wall, in a purple denim jacket. 'I'm not stupid, I know the way your brain thinks.' Jade was still confused, until Rio explained it to them both. 'When I tried to kill myself, who was it that stopped the bleeding? It was Maddy. The only question is, when were you planning on telling everyone that you were carrying that load on your back this entire time? Or were you just going to take it to the grave?'

Refusing to even acknowledge the question, Blair kept quiet as the nurse checking her over came back in. 'We've done some scans, and I'm pleased to tell you that you're ok to go home today. You've got what we suspect is cold water shock, your heart rate is still elevated but is coming down, and you'll probably feel a little bit lethargic for a couple of days, but aside from that, everything is fine.'

Concerned though, Jade asked 'Does she have this Murmur thing?' 'Yes, but it seems to be largely asymptomatic. You may have had it for a long time and just never known it.' 'So what do we do about it?' The reply seemed surprising on the surface. 'Nothing. As long as you don't feel significant shortage of breath or any other cardiac issues when you're not expecting it, you should be fine with just regularly scheduled check-ups, which your GP can do.'

Grateful, Blair smiled to her, before asking 'Can I go and find Maddy now?' 'Certainly, I can take you to her if you like. But, you might need to come back here afterwards, just so we can do a couple more tests.' 'There's more tests?' 'Yes, nothing major, it's just that if your heart rate hasn't come down then we might prescribe you some medication just to moderate it for a few days. I'll take you to your friend now.'

On the other ward, Maddy was opening up about what she saw in the water. 'He was just there… it sounds stupid but I swear he was there in this light, and he was talking to me, telling me that it wasn't my fault, and how I needed to wake up, I tried to escape but I… don't remember what happened after that.' 'You probably passed out under there, but the important thing is that you got out of there. Talking of…'

Maddy then looked over and saw Blair slowly walking in, still breathing heavily. 'I'll give you both a minute if you like.' As she went to step away though, Jana walked in, briefly acknowledging Blair as she did, before hastening over to Maddy. 'I told the retreat about your attempt, and they have availability tomorrow morning. I can make you an overnight bag, and then deliver some fresh clothes when I'm back up here in a couple of days.' 'Thank you.' Jana and Emma then stepped away, with Emma mouthing 'I'll thank you later' to Blair as she passed.

After a very long awkward silence, Maddy shook her head and told Blair 'I'm sorry. I should never have put you at risk like that.' 'You didn't put me at risk, you put yourself at risk. I chose to go in there after you.' 'I've been pushing people away to stop them talking me out of it, because I felt like I needed to be punished.' 'We get it. You've been through a lot, like a lot a lot, and nobody thinks badly about you, because we can only imagine what you've got going on in your mind right now.'

'I just don't understand why you went after me though.' Thinking for a moment, Blair turned away in embarrassment and lowered her head. 'Because I wouldn't be who I am without you. You were the one who encouraged me to be confident, to be myself, and to be outgoing, because I kind of wish I was you.' Laughing, Maddy told her 'Trust me, you don't. I'm a fucking idiot, I'm rude, I'm brash'

'But you're funny. You're outgoing, you're a livewire, and everybody likes you. I want to be more like you, and I want to be friends with people like you, because people like you make life more fun. You're what I really want to be.' Shaking her head, Maddy admitted 'I wish I was more like you honestly, just reliable and stable. I can only wish I had the ambition and resolve that you did, the strength and iron backbone you've got to do things your way, not just the way people like.'

While they were talking like this, Astrid awkwardly walked back in, and sheepishly interrupted them. 'I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you.' 'Don't, I deserved it.' 'No, you really didn't, I just didn't know how else to deal with the situation. Because you've always been there for me, I couldn't handle having to be there for you. I really wish I had have been.' This was far from how her friend saw it from the other side though.

'You've basically put your lives on pause, you and Fre, just to make sure I'm comfortable. But you can't keep doing that. I need to go to this place because I need to learn to be me again without you both having to tell me who "me" is if that makes sense. I need to live again. And you need to as well. You made me realise something earlier - the way you're having to creep around me at the moment, you're going to grow to resent me, and don't even try to argue, because you know it's true, anybody would.'

As they hugged, Rio stormed in herself, questioning 'When were you going to tell everyone about the miscarriage? Or did you just not think it mattered to us? I take it that he was responsible?' 'If you're talking about Rhydian, no, he wasn't, and I really don't want to mention his name anymore, because that's more than he deserves. I want to focus on the people who really matter.'

'Because the more I think about it, he doesn't really love me, at least not in the way he thinks he does. He loves this idealised version of me, he grew to love the perfect Maddy that he thinks he remembers. But he doesn't, because she doesn't exist outside of his fantasies, and him trying to turn me into his perfect Maddy involved putting me in a trance and destroying every single part of my life until I couldn't be anything else. And for that, he has to be punished, but I'll leave that to all of you to decide.'

'Why us?' Blair asked, but Astrid had the direct answer for them. 'Because they're not her crimes to judge. It's not for those present at the crimes to determine the punishment, it's for those who have all the facts but look at them objectively. Therefore, it's up to us to decide how he needs to be punished, and that starts with Rio defeating him again at State of the Art. Because having everything taken from him is the fitting punishment for someone who did the same to her.'

Understanding, Rio made a vow. 'I'm going to make sure that he doesn't just lose, but he's going to be coming nowhere near this title afterwards. One of us is going to fail, and there has to be consequences either way. What those consequences are though, I'm not sure. All I do know is that none of us will ever let you down like we did, we should all have been there for you, and now we're going to make up for it.'

As Maddy yawned loudly, Astrid turned to everyone and stated 'We should probably let her get some rest.' She then tapped Maddy on the hand and told her Alpha 'I'll be back in a couple of hours.' Maddy smiled in response, but as they were all leaving, she suddenly shouted Blair's name, and as she turned around, shouted 'Debt paid!' to her, and in response, she just smiled and nodded, a burden suddenly lifted.

At the base

Freja was still furious about the situation with Maddy, as Jodi acted as a sounding board. 'I've just wasted so much time with everything going on, that I lost sight of the people who actually mattered. And now I want to go there, but I'm stuck here because people can't even be trusted on their own, while Maddy could be doing anything in there, like there's not even been a phone call to say how she's doing or anything like that.'

Understanding, Jodi told her 'No news is good news, we know she's awake and she's talking to Emma, so if we hear nothing else we know that. Knowing them they've probably all got so distracted chatting away to her that they forgot to update us all.' 'Doesn't change the fact we don't know.' This was when Lydia approached Freja, and not knowing about Maddy's state nor the war she was walking into, continued to pitch them moving away.

'So I've been looking, and there's this sweet bedsit we can get in Ibiza right near all the party district, it's a little pricey but if you start doing some more risque modelling there, then I'm sure we'd be able to afford the rent comfortably. Might even pick some guys up while we're there, I mean can you imagine the selection there must be there? I'm thinking early 20s, wicked tan, smooth voice, just inviting us into his pool and feeding us marshmallows on a float' 'ENOUGH!' Freja screamed, loud enough for Jodi to stumble back out of shock.

As Lydia recoiled, Freja let rip. 'I don't care about "Fernando", I don't care about some stupid bedsit in Ibiza, I don't care about meeting up with Mum, and I absolutely don't care about your idea of me doing nude modelling or whatever you were planning for me. Maddy is in hospital having tried to end her own life because she didn't think she had anything to live for anymore, and I can't even go and see her, because I have to stay here to listen to you chirp about some fantasy that is never ever happening, because I'm not moving away from here and never was going to, not to Leeds, not to Ibiza, nowhere. Right now, I don't want to even know either of you, so unless you want to tell me why I should care about going to see someone who didn't even send us a birthday card for over 10 years, go away.'

Lydia refused to give up though. 'What, you're just going to say that we don't need her anymore, that you don't even get slightly curious about how she is or what she's up to' 'Or which fella she's shacked up with now, no. No, I don't. What I am curious about is what our friend… oh sorry, my friend, because while she was gone you were insulting her routinely, what made her want to take her own life.'

Finally, the news registered to Lydia. 'Hang on, Maddy's tried to top herself?' 'Newsflash, well done, you're only about a few hours behind, yes, she tried to drown herself. Not that you care obviously, you're just the one who can go if you want to. So if I didn't make it clear before, I don't want to see you right now, so leave me alone, or god help me, you're the one who's going to end up in the hospital!'

Lydia shook her head, and told Freja 'I'll be in my room when you've calmed down', before walking away, as Jodi applauded her. 'Well done for standing up for yourself, I didn't know you had it in you like that. And that voice, I mean it almost knocked me over.' 'Yeah, sorry about that' 'No need to apologise, I'm impressed. You need to stand up for yourself like that more often, stop just being people's doormat for their own personal issues. You don't need Astrid or Maddy to be strong, you can be your own person and don't need other people to validate you.'

At the hospital

While Freja was being given some food for thought, Astrid was bringing Maddy some very different food, along with another surprise, as she declared 'Guess who I brought to see his big sister', before she wheeled a classy black pram in, with Skylar lay in it giggling, and the reaction was immediate with Maddy's eyes lighting up at the very sight of her baby brother being present, before she remembered how she had revealed her plans to her, and cried in embarrassment.

Lifting him out of the pram, Astrid slowly started bouncing him up and down, while telling Maddy 'I don't think he really wants me, I think he needs big sister cuddles.' She reached out to him, as Astrid slowly lowered him into her hands. 'Come here, your sister's got you. I know that I said some really silly things the other day, but I want you to know that I was being really silly and didn't mean them, because I was wrong. But you'll learn that I'm wrong a lot, and hopefully you'll still kind of love me for it. Because I'm really good at being wrong.'

'But I just need you to know that I'm going away for a little bit, and you're not going to see me for a few days. Because I have this illness inside of me, and I need to heal, I need to find myself again. But I promise you, that when I'm better, I'll make up for everything that's happened and be the best big sister that you could ever imagine, and we're going to make so many incredible memories together. I'm going to miss you while I'm gone though, so you be really good for Auntie Astrid, and I'll see you when I'm back.'

Maddy then cuddled him tightly, before her head fell to one side, and slowly, she fell asleep while still holding him. Astrid cried slightly seeing this, and as Jana walked in, she saw them together, and slowly approached, quietly asking Astrid 'How is she?', and getting the response 'She's good, she just needs to find herself again. I'm just going to leave him with her for a little while, if you're alright here I'll put together a little bag for her to take with a couple of days' worth of clothes and things.'

Nodding, Jana agreed. 'Yeah, I'm good if you are.' Astrid smiled to her, and then walked off towards the taxi rank, with Jana seeing her into the taxi before returning to Maddy's bedside. While watching her, she just quietly mused to herself. 'I really hope you can find yourself again. And I promise you, that Rhydian will pay for what he did to you, he's really going to pay, because we're the Renegades, and we look after our own. Everyone else, can go to hell.'

The next morning

Having had a full breakfast for the first time in weeks, Maddy was in possession of her overnight bag, which contained three shirts, two sets of jogging trousers, a thin hooded jacket and her freshly washed hoodie, all contained in a dark blue holdall with short pink straps. And having been checked over by the doctors, she had been cleared to be discharged from the hospital, correctly this time.

'So are you ready to go?' 'Almost, I just have one slight thing before I go.' 'What's that?' Jana inquired while holding her bag. 'I need to speak to Freja, I don't even know if she knows about all of this yet. Jana, is there any chance you could bring Freja down here for me?' 'Of course, whatever you need.' She then walked away, as Maddy said a temporary goodbye to Blair. 'I'm so eternally grateful to you.' Blair smiled, and told her 'I've paid my debt now, so no more attempted drownings, ok?' 'Agreed.' 'Cause I'm not going down there again for you. No offence, but the Tyne's not the nicest place to go deep diving.' 'Yeah, didn't enjoy it myself.'

As they continued laughing, Maddy then gave Rio a hug. 'You're an amazing Interim President, I know this isn't what you want, but you've been incredible.' 'Just… tell me something' she responded nervously. 'Anything.' 'When does all this presidency end?' 'When you see someone who's ready to take it over, when you're no longer the best person for the job. And I don't think it's too far away.'

While they were discussing this, Astrid and Jana walked in, and seconds behind them, Freja rushed in, almost bowling Maddy over. 'Why!? Why!? Just… why?' she asked in tears. So after Maddy extricated herself from the situation, she signalled for Freja to sit down in the bedside seat, and sitting on the bed herself, explained the entire scenario, something she wished she had done sooner.

'After I'd had my surgery, they were doing some routine tests, and they found out… that I'd had a miscarriage. Rhydian had got me pregnant, and I'd lost the baby, probably because of Lukas attacking me. And I… suppose I just couldn't cope with it all, because' 'You've always wanted to be a mother.' 'I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I'd killed someone, been raped and lost a baby, it was so insane that it broke me mentally and I just couldn't see a way out.'

That was when Freja's mind went back to the following day. 'That's what Astrid was trying to tell me then… I'm so stupid, I didn't take her seriously, I just thought she'd had a really bad night's sleep with getting home so late.' 'I mean she probably did to be fair.' Astrid though, still felt she owed an explanation, as she approached them both and put her arms around them.

'I couldn't tell you, I tried to, but I just couldn't produce the words. Not when it mattered at least, I just couldn't spit it out.' 'Nobody blames you Astrid' Freja told her, as Maddy hugged them both. 'I'm so proud of you both, you're such incredible people and I'm so honoured to have ever met you, let alone be friends with you both. And I'm hoping that when I return, I'll be a much better friend to you both, because you deserve so much more.'

Freja then increased the pressure from her hug, telling Maddy 'Don't go, we can fix you here.' 'You can't though, that's the thing. Because you need to focus on yourselves. It will be much better for everyone, I'm just going away for a few days to heal, and I'll try to keep in touch while I'm gone. Now you two need to go and win those titles for me, ok? Because I'll be watching, and you both deserve it.' Smiling through tears, Freja agreed 'We'll try to.' 'We won't let you down Meatball.'

With that, the Alpha left once again, this time for a taxi to the retreat. But as she saw everyone waving and disappearing out of the back window, she had one more call to make. 'Hey Belle, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to this retreat, and I'm going to be gone for a little while. Just want to say, don't give up on yourself or Freja, you're the best things to happen to each other. She needs you more than she'll admit, so just give her the time that she needs to work things out, and then you'll find each other again, I promise. See you soon, and up the Renegades.'

Next time: Astrid and Freja look to claim gold, Donny and Chazz battle in multiple ways, and Rio looks to hold off an enraged Rhydian, but he faces a bombshell when Freja shows him what he's lost. R: Ultra Evolution Book 28: Birds of a Feather