Makoto feels lost.
"Representing the Moon, Nicholas of Myra was a bishop from the 4th century. Historical accounts of Nicholas' real life are shrouded in mystery. Still, there are many legends associated with his name: Once, he saved three girls from forced prostitution by secretly paying their dowry. Another time, he saved three men from unjust execution. In another account, this one said to be an absurd embellishment, he resurrected three butchered children. His habit of secret gift-giving has given rise to the figure of Santa Claus. Also known as Nicholas the Wonderworker, he is the patron saint of children, toymakers, unmarried people, thieves, and the unjustly accused."
[5 Years and 5 Months Ago]
It was inevitable. The time to say goodbye was fast approaching, and she wasn't sure how to do it. She couldn't even begin to fathom how.
The days were both tranquil and stifling, accentuated by the quiet hums of the machines in the background, and the constant beeping of the heart monitor. Life in a hospital was a gutting, tiring experience.
The only thing Makoto did for a while was to sit by her friend's bed, day and night. Sis and Takkun had both Akio in their care full time now, as Makoto pretty much lived in the hospital for the last month or so. The chairs were awful and uncomfortable, the smell was at times suffocating and yet, she'd rather be there, than anywhere else in the world.
She decorated the bare hospital room with a lot of trinkets, flowers, and photos, and scattered some Buchimaru paraphernalia around it. Anything to make their environment less drab, less sad than it already was.
Eiko waited for her parents to visit for a whole week when she was hospitalized for the first time. They didn't appear. They didn't even acknowledge the messages, calls and even house visits Makoto had tried to arrange.
They refused to bridge the gap and pretended as if her friend never existed in the first place. Makoto could not fathom how people could be like this with their own flesh and blood.
In the end, Eiko accepted their final rejection with grace. Makoto felt like bawling her eyes out on her behalf. She finally understood that cruelty wasn't always only found in the depths of human depravity as one would expect. Sometimes, it was in the mundane too, in "well-adjusted" people trying to live in their fake world of appearances.
It was in abandoning your own child on her deathbed and pretending your life was better off without her.
Sae and Eiko drafted the adoption papers. Eiko begged her sister to make sure nobody, no one, not even Iida or Eiko's parents, had room to take Akio away from Makoto. In the event of something happening to Makoto, Sis promised Eiko she and Takkun would both raise Akio instead.
If Makoto was Eiko's rock, Sis and Takkun were hers. She wouldn't know what eating, sleeping, and taking care of herself would mean without her family looking out for her.
Takkun gave her a shoulder to cry on, whereas Sae - well, what did her big sis not do for her?
Through all of this, Eiko seemed ambivalent. Some days, she seemed sad. Some days, she looked content. Most days she was quiet, as she no longer had the strength to be her loud, ridiculous self. Of course, you could see the fear in her eyes, the doubt, the longing, the secret hope of staying - at least, just a while longer.
Just a little more. Every minute counted as a precious one for making a few more memories together.
Sometimes, Takkun brought Yukino and Akio to visit Eiko. It gave her friend a reason to laugh joyfully, truthfully. It was pure to watch as her four-year-old terrorist little niece roped her and Eiko both into singing the Buchimaru theme song.
"What do we say to Auntie Eiko, Snowball?" Makoto asked one afternoon while holding her precious niece in her arms, just before she was to be taken back home by her father.
Yukino's crimson eyes - not so unlike her own - lit up and a tiny innocent grin appeared on her cute face.
"Bye-bye Auntie Eiko, I love you!" The girl said, making a little heart for Eiko.
Eiko had little tears in the corners of her eyes. "Auntie Eiko loves her Buchi-pal Yunchan very much too! Bye-bye, love."
That was the last time Yukino saw Eiko.
To pass their time while in desolate boredom, Makoto decided to try some jokes. Were it anyone else, she knew it would be poor taste to do that, but this was Eiko, the woman who was used to calling out "fuck", "bitch" and "slut" 120 times per minute.
Maybe her friend broke the world record for cussing. That made Makoto a little proud of her, even though parts of her still felt at odds with the fact that she, too, was getting used to cursing more often now.
"Makoto." Eiko had said with a groan after Makoto had made some awkward attempts at making her laugh. "Your jokes suck. They aren't even good Tou-chan jokes. They're more like clueless Oji-san ones."
"I guess I have the spirit of an old man, then." Makoto quipped. "Maybe I'll get a fake mustache. What do you say, Eicchan? I'll let my hair grow a bit longer, tie it in a bun, and call myself Old Man-koto."
She and Eiko both cringed together. God, she truly sucked at this.
Eiko was amused, not at the joke, but at her shitty attempt at making one. "Sounds great. Make sure to always chew on a stick, drink your green tea every day, and play Shogi on Tuesdays."
For some silly reason, that made Makoto laugh.
They also spent time playing card games of old maid. Eiko was lame at it, and Makoto sometimes lost on purpose, which incensed her friend.
It was just about the start of November and sooner or later, they would be in December. Makoto hoped against hope that Eiko would be around to at least see their son's first birthday.
One afternoon, it was raining. Cool, gentle, soothing rain. It was nice. Makoto liked the smell of the rain hitting the earth, it was always so comforting and grounding.
"Hey, I wrote letters for Aki-kun." Eiko had said that same day. "One for each of his birthdays until he is like, around our age. I'd write beyond that, but since I have no clue what it'll be like… Yeah."
Makoto was instantly heartbroken.
"Read the first one to me?" She asked, gently.
"Nah! I can't ruin the surprise of his first birthday letter!" Eiko said, wagging her finger.
"Please? I'd like to hear it in your voice." Makoto pleaded, her own voice full of vulnerable emotion.
Eiko softened instantly. "Okay. Get me my things, it's in that box over there."
Makoto swiftly obeyed. Handing Eiko the box where she carefully wrapped the letters. "Let's hope time won't ruin them or something, ha!"
"I'll make sure to never let that happen. I'll guard every single one with my life." Makoto told her seriously.
Eiko rolled her eyes. "Geez! Calm down, it's okay. I trust you, but even if you end up losing them, I hope you know it'll be alright."
Makoto vowed to guard them nonetheless. She would make sure Akio read every single one of those letters.
"Ahem…Let's see here…" She said goofily, clearing her throat. Makoto smiled fondly.
"Dear Aki-tan,
Hey, it's me, your mama! You're now one year old. Just a little baby, and the cutest one too, I bet! Make sure to drive Makoto insane in the upcoming years, okay? She was a fantastic dada to you, let me tell you! Always rubbing mommy's feet, going to get food for us at silly times of the night, staying awake for us when mommy was unwell, working hard to feel better for us and just loving us when we both needed the most! I am so very happy that she was here, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
If you are wondering about your biological father, I'm sorry about that. He wasn't ready for you, and this is not your fault at all, honey. Please know that your mommy and your Mako Tou-chan had already loved you lots when we found out about you, and we'll keep loving you forevermore. Always hold your head high, Akio, no matter how much life throws a curveball at you. Stay strong, my little son.
Today, you cannot understand what I'm really saying with this letter. But someday, I hope you will re-read it as a man and come to grasp what you mean to me. Having you was ultimately my decision, and I am so very happy to have made it because you were worth every single pain in the world.
I love you, Akio. I love you with all my heart, so I have one last favor to ask, as a mother to her son, in the last days of her life: Please, love Makoto for me. Call her not Tou-chan, but Mama. Let her soothe your tears, your pain in my stead. Let her teach you all the cool things in the world, and make you into the wonderful man I wish I could have been there to see in person.
Even still, please know: Somewhere, from the stars, I will watch over you both. You are both my heart, my soul, and my everything.
Love, Mama."
As soon as Eiko finished her letter. Makoto broke down instantaneously.
She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve this much love, this much kindness. She wasn't going to get over it. She didn't want to lose Eiko.
"Hey'" Eiko called out to her, crying too, clutching Makoto's cheeks. "It's okay. I'm still here."
"Don't go. Please." She pleaded, whining like a lost child.
Eiko let out a cry-laugh "We don't get to make that decision, honey. But, do you want to know something?"
Makoto held a fist to her mouth to block out the sounds of her sobs. She nodded to let Eiko continue speaking.
"I lived all my life coasting, doing basically nothing, just rolling my eyes at everything and listening to my parent's unreasonable expectations. The Eiko Takao experience was honestly just me seeing life pass me by, getting scammed by club hosts with really shitty hair, and dating irresponsible assholes for some reason. But still… My god Makoto, I'm really happy and content with my life. And it's all thanks to you."
"Eiko…" She whimpered.
Eiko cried, sobbing her words out. "Being your friend was the highlight of my life. Thank you for making it feel a lot less lonely. I love you."
Makoto hugged her friend with all she had, losing her brave face as she grieved. "I love you too, Eicchan."
When they parted and Eiko smiled like a thousand suns, Makoto understood that she was a lost woman who found her way with the light that her best friend - her sister in all but blood - had shined and paved for her that day onwards.
Almost a week later, Eiko Takao departed peacefully from the world.
She broke and shattered with loss. She screamed and cried herself hoarse as her big sister rocked her in her arms as if she were a wounded animal. She didn't understand why she was the one to make it, to survive, to keep going.
But she had to. Eiko deserved more respect than her wanting to give up on life. She was now truly made into a mother, and her son needed her.
Makoto Niijima was lost, but one day, she would be found again.
[The Present Day]
Makoto, Akio, and Agnes spent some time walking around Shibuya. She felt like she needed some air, and she was tired of always pestering Akechi, Futaba, or Sis to watch over her dog, son, or both just so she could be allowed to run errands.
However, she soon remembered why she usually did it. Shopping was a hassle, using the train was impossible due to Agnes, and the distance back to her apartment in the area was quite long if she needed to go too far.
When Akio got tired, she started to carry him in her arms instead. He was growing into a fine boy. A part of her loathed the fact that she could see a bit of Iida whenever she looked for too long, but fortunately, a lot of him was all Eiko.
"Mako-sensei?" A voice called out to her.
Her eyes widened as she swept around and she instantly smiled. It was little Shinya, now quite the handsome young man, proudly donning his police officer uniform and cap.
"Shinya-kun! I'm seriously no longer your mentor."
"Heh, I beg to differ." He said with a small grin as he crouched down to pet Agnes, who behaved like a silly girl begging for attention. "Do you need help?"
"No need, Shinya-kun. I'm just about to walk home now. Besides, you look like you're on patrol."
"Erm, yeah, I am." He smiled sheepishly as he confessed.
"Oda, do you copy?" A grumpy voice called out on the radio, making Makoto smile ever so slightly. She could recognize the voice anywhere.
She silently asked for Shinya to pass her the radio and he lit up with a mischievous grin, immediately doing it.
She used her skills as Miss Hanna to produce a professional tone of voice. "Copy that, Officer Higashi. Officer Oda is dutifully doing his patrol work. Over."
"Makoto!" The man called out with a fond chuckle as soon as he recognized her voice. "Where are you two? I'm just around the corner with the mobile unit. Over."
"Hey, Kazuya. We're actually near Central Street, just a few blocks away, in front of a pet shop. Over."
"Copy that. I'll be over there in a second. Out."
She grinned conspiratorially with Shinya as she handed the radio back to him. The young man was doing his best to not laugh since they both knew Kazuya was a grouch.
They spent some time catching up until Kazuya finally turned up.
"There you are!" Her former colleague spoke, a small smile on his normally stern face.
"It's good to see you again Kazuya."
"Likewise, Makoto." He said warmly. Turning to Shinya, he was a little more firm. "Oda, go around the block for now, then switch with the other boys."
"Roger that, sir." The young man said with a small salute to Kazuya and Makoto both. "See you around, Mako-sensei."
He scrambled off dutifully, making Makoto smile and Kazuya sigh.
"Here." Her former colleague said, opening the door of the police car for her. "Let me give you a lift. Your dog can go on the back."
"Are you sure? I don't want to disrupt your shift."
"Don't worry about it." He assured her.
Makoto gratefully accepted his offer, especially since Akio was knackered and cranky.
Kazuya was not a very talkative man, so after they made some small talk about their families and arranged a playdate between Akio and Kazuya's son Takeshi, the conversation came to a lull.
It was clear Kazuya had something in his mind, especially since he sighed and looked pointedly at her.
"I'm not sure if I should say this… But Kana Shiraki came to the police station last week. She was looking for a way to contact you."
Faster than she could anticipate, Makoto felt numbness overtake her body.
"I…" She choked out. "Why?"
"I don't know. I told her there was no point in doing this, especially since it was her son who was in the wrong… But she was quite insistent. She gave me and Eriko her number."
The ache in the center of her chest spread to the entirety of her body - and soul - as she wondered what Tomoe's mother could want with her after so many years.
"Kazuya… Do you think she needs closure? Maybe say her piece to me so she could move on?" Makoto stuttered out.
"Even if that is the case, I don't think it's a good idea for you to see her. You don't deserve to suffer over this, her son is the one to blame." Kazuya spoke gently but firmly. "You are a hero, Makoto."
She stayed silent, contemplating both his words and the situation at hand. Something in her gut told her to give the woman a chance to get things off her chest, even if it was just to pour all her hatred over Makoto.
However, she didn't know how she was going to find the strength to face her without shattering into pieces. Shiraki-san's two remaining sons clearly hated Makoto, especially Satoru who confronted her a few times over the years, while Yuji displayed more of a quiet anger as he tried his best to walk past her.
Beside her, Kazuya sighed as he pulled over. They reached the general area where she lived.
Makoto swallowed dryly. "Text me her number later, Kazuya… I'll contact her and set up a meeting."
The man shook his head and sent her a disapproving glare. "I can't believe this… You're too damn selfless for your own good, Makoto."
"No… I'm not as selfless as you might think. I believe that deep down, I need to face Tomoe's family one last time to put all of this behind me. Even if she just wants to turn me into a hate sink, that is fine too. My job has taught me that sometimes, people just want someone to listen to their troubles. I'll be there for her, and consider this the end of it."
"Damn you, Miss Hanna. Fine, I'll text you the number later." The man grumped out.
Makoto chuckled sadly. "Thanks, Kazuya."
Futaba received a text from Sumire asking to meet with her. Unlike last time, Futaba was instantly wary and put up her guard.
She didn't know what to feel about this invitation. On one hand, she was happy because she loved the idea of spending some one-on-one time with a single, gorgeous, available, beautiful, delicious, very delicious Sumire.
On the other hand, she didn't want to be used as Sumire's experiment subject to figure out her sexuality. She might be pining over the gymnast but Futaba had a little more self-respect than that.
"Thanks for meeting with me again, Futaba-chan." Sumire started as soon as she arrived and greeted her warmly. "I hope it's not awkward for you to meet with me, considering the divorce and all…"
"Ah, don't worry about that, I'm happy to see you."
She was more than happy, but that was beside the point.
Sumire smiled beautifully, making Futaba feel fuzzy and warm all over. "I'm glad."
Futaba cleared her throat. "So… How have you been? We haven't heard much from you…"
"Oh… I've been okay… Sort of? For the most part, busying myself with work…" The gymnast mumbled.
"Well, that's good, right?" Futaba asked as she cocked her head to the side a little.
Sumire let out a deep, shuddering breath. "More or less… It ended up causing problems with my parents."
"How so?"
"I missed the anniversary of Kasumi's death and our birthday. My dad was a bit more understanding, but my mother and I had an awful fight. She made a huge scandal, saying that I was selfish, that I never really loved or respected Kasumi because I was jealous of her."
Futaba instantly felt livid. The gall of that old bitch! "Damn, Sumi… I'm sorry, but your mother is nasty. That's not what you say to your own kid. I honestly could never stand the way she treated you and Ren both."
"I know. Honestly, I think my mother needs to be put in her place, but the problem is… I'm not sure if I'm brave or strong enough to truly tell her what I need to say."
"I mean, it can't get any worse than it already is, right? Just go over there and say your piece. You two sound like you're already at a complicated place, anyways."
Sumire averted her eyes. Futaba noticed her delicate fingers gripping the table a little as if to ground herself.
"Well, I… It's honestly not just about Kasumi. There are other things I need to clear up the air about." The gymnast said eventually.
Futaba frowned. Sumire stared at her for a little while longer and she felt as if she was failing to grasp something in the conversation.
"I think you noticed it. Right?" Sumire said, looking pointedly at Futaba.
Oh.
"Uhh…?" She intoned like a complete buffoon. Of course, she freaking noticed, but what was she supposed to say!?
She was too under-leveled for this kind of shit!
In response, Sumire blushed and laughed a little awkwardly. "Sorry. Did Ren tell you the reason we divorced?"
"...Erm… Kind of… There's that whole debacle with Makoto. And yeah, he kind of let slip that you were, uh, questioning some shits about yourself and stuff …"
God, she was AWFUL at this sort of thing. Someone, get her out of there!
Sumire blinked at Futaba's response but eventually burst out into giggles. Futaba blushed like a Tomato, feeling like a complete ass. Sumire immediately noticed her timid posture and stopped laughing.
"Sorry, Futaba-chan, I'm not making fun of you, I swear. It was just that the way you described it was very endearing."
"Ugh…Shut up!" Futaba said with a grumble, covering her face up to hide from her mortification.
Sumire gently pried her hands away from her face and smiled kindly at Futaba, making the other girl's stomach flutter ridiculously. She felt as if she was made entirely of a gelatinous, gooey matter.
"It's okay. But yeah. I think I might be bisexual. There were a lot of times growing up when I would notice other girls a little differently. I can't say much about when I met you all, though, since I was mostly… Brainwashed during that period. Plus, Kasumi was super straight, so yeah."
"Oh… Well, that makes a lot of sense." Futaba said eventually, nodding her head several times. Sumire smiled at her with a small glint in her eyes that made Futaba happier than she should be feeling at that instant.
"Anyways… The reason I called you here is that I need to come out to my parents… But I don't know if I'm brave enough to do it alone. You have some experience in, erm, coming out, so I was wondering if you would be willing to accompany me?"
Futaba's jaw gaped in surprise. "Uh… Sumi, did you forget who you are talking to!?"
Who on earth told her that taking Futaba along for emotional support was a good idea!?
"Makoto-senpai, actually," Sumire replied calmly.
"Ugh, did I say that out loud? Also, what!? You talked to Makoto!?"
"Well, yes? I'm not sure. She insisted she was someone called Miss Hanna."
Oh shit, she called The Confessional!?
"Yeah… Ya, that's her alright." Futaba said, seeing no point in trying to hide it. "Man, that must have been pretty weird for you both."
"It was lovely, to be honest."
Futaba was so confused. "Uh… Okay?"
Sumire giggled. "It's alright, honestly. I just want to focus on moving on now, I don't have the energy to cling on to what-ifs… In any case, what do you say? Of course, It's alright if you're not comfortable with this, but it would mean a lot to me to have a friend there when I do this."
Well, saying no would be a little insensitive of her. Plus, Futaba changed her mind about having self-respect. In fact, she had no dignity at all and would lick the very ground Sumire walked on if asked to do it.
"Yeah, sure." She said, despite all the dirty and chaotic thoughts going through her gremlin brain.
Sumire beamed at her and boldly grabbed her hand, making Futaba squeak out like a rubber toy.
"Thank you!"
Makoto almost backed out of doing this, but she felt like she had to do it, no matter what.
She set up the meeting at the Leblanc, both due to the familiarity, but also because she missed it in all these years she hadn't been around. She saw Boss a few times, but she hasn't stepped foot inside Leblanc proper in years thanks to her altercation with Ren at Haru's baby shower.
"Makoto?" Boss, who was having a smoke outside, called out, surprised at seeing her.
She smiled brightly at him, and Akio excitedly ran to hug Sojiro's legs.
"Hi, Uncle Soji!" Her little boy let out excitedly.
"Hey there little tyke. I missed you!" Sojiro said with a fond chuckle as he ruffled Akio's hair, then drew her into a fatherly hug when she least expected. "And I missed this one as well."
"Hi, Boss. It's good to see you, sir."
"Heh, none of that 'sir' thing here, sweetheart. I'm happy to see you as well. Though I guess I gotta warn you, the kid is inside."
She smiled as she tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "That's alright… Ren and I are no longer on bad terms with one another."
Sojiro's face lit up and his lips split into a shit-eating grin. "Oh?"
Makoto laughed a little awkwardly but shook her head. "Yeah. We're friends again."
"Hoo boy… Well, go on." He said with a smug look as he opened the door for her.
Makoto chuckled but ushered Akio inside, entering the warm, cozy café after him.
Ren was behind the counter, messing with his phone. Her heart fluttered a little at seeing his handsome face relaxed, and it only intensified as his whole face lit up when he noticed her and Akio both.
"Hey! Now, that's what I call a lovely surprise." He said in greeting, waving at her with a goofy smile on his face. She found it a little endearing.
"Hi, Mr. Ren!" Akio greeted him with the sweetest little smile.
"Hey, buddy." Her friend greeted back fondly, then looked back at her and grinned. "It's good to see you again, Mako."
"Hey… Sorry for crashing here unannounced."
He waved her off. "Nah, I'm happy you're here."
"I'm meeting someone here today if that's alright," Makoto told him, a little bluntly.
"Oh…" He let out, his smile dying instantly. She resisted the urge to grin at his silly reaction and decided to watch him squirm a little longer, but Makoto was soon surprised when he put on a brave face and laughed awkwardly instead. "Well, I'll be here if you need anything."
She just smiled in response and nodded, ordering some coffee for herself and hot chocolate for Akio. Makoto watched mesmerized as Ren brewed, and found that she had missed seeing him in his element.
A lot of things were still unsaid between them, especially about their romantic entanglement. But she felt that for now, just being in his presence and being his friend again was already making her feel content.
Soon, Ren served them their drinks and sat down a little to chat with them while they drank.
"So… If you don't mind me asking, are you meeting a… friend?" He asked nonchalantly.
'Oh, Ren… Never change.' She thought, feeling a little more smitten than she should be with his not-so-subtle prodding.
"Not exactly…" She said, her smile dying a little. "Tomoe's mother, Kana Shiraki, has contacted some of my former colleagues at the precinct. She insists on talking with me…"
"Makoto… Are you sure that is a good idea? Especially after everything…" Ren asked, concerned.
She put her hand on top of his and shook her head. "I need to face this. I'd rather hear her now than flee from this conversation and keep wondering for years what she wanted to say to me. We already know how that worked out for us both."
He looked at her with a serious face, but then nodded and put his other hand on top of hers, fully enclosing it. "Then I'll be here with you, so you don't have to face this alone."
Makoto peered into his eyes and sensed the sincerity of his words. It wasn't so much that he wanted to fight her battles for her, but rather, be there for her as a quiet source of strength in her hour of need.
Her lips curled into a relieved, grateful smile.
"Thank you, Ren-kun."
To be continued...