Skill 67: Talk Shop When It Comes To Everything Otaku [I]

Yuki Suou was caught with her pants down. Quite literally.

Nope. Nope. Nope. The situation was way worse, because for that phrase to work and be taken in a literal sense, she needed someone to walk in on her while she was in a state of undress. Either she would be stripping off her high school uniform and getting ready to take a bath or she should be preparing to get dressed for the night and slip into something comfortable like her cute pajamas.

Now she knows what you are thinking. How can a young lady from such a prestigious and noble family like the Suous be such a huge big pervert? Were all the sheltered princess archetypes that you loved and found cute and wholesome in manga and anime secretly behaved like the female love interest from Fifty Shades of Grey in their down time?

Well, let Yuki Suou put your mind at ease. The book Fifty Shades of Grey was peak fiction. It was better than the Bible and One Piece combined. Definitely a better romance than Twilight.

Now to answer your question – Yes. Hell yes!

All teenage girls were perverts. Oh, you still don't believe her do you? Well, let her prove you wrong by using cold hard facts and reasons.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a teenage boy in possession of a good spank bank must be in want of a good wank.

Yuki Suou yearns for true gender equality. She has no patience for one who talks about male privilege when it suits them, and then complains about someone, 'not behaving like a proper lady' when it's convenient.

For years, being a pervert was considered to be a male privilege. If a young girl got horny, she was bonked over the head and thrown in the horny jail. But now women from all over the world were standing up and taking back what was rightfully their own – The right to be horny.

You go girl!

More power to you!

Yuki Suou identified as a feminist. Well, if she was being honest she was a part-time feminist. Hey, don't judge her okay. She had a lot of responsibilities on her plate right now. Her work was cut out for her what with being a student council member and everything.

Besides if the devil can be a part-timer, she can be one too.

"Um."

Nope. Don't listen to the voice and whatever you do don't come back to reality. Yup, the time has come for her to become an isekai protagonist. And she will become a really original one at that. Yup. Yup. Yup. Stand aside truck-kun. Your glorious era has finally come to an end.

Because Yuki Suou won't be getting hit by a truck.

Even though she really wants to. Like right about now.

"Um," There was that voice again. That very real and masculine voice. "I think one of us should say something to let the other one know that they are still alive inside. And I don't think it should be me, because I identify myself as a loner."

A loner. The man called himself a loner. If this was a harem anime that would make him the male protagonist of the story and then she would be playing the role of one of the main female love interests. Nope. Nope. Nope. She wasn't about to turn into the female character of a typical harem anime. How boring would that be. Nope, like she said before she was the main female protagonist of an isekai anime.

And how did she get isekai'd in the first place? Well, you have probably never heard of this method ever before. Yuki Suou was gonna be the first. The pioneer. The trailblazer. The next Kazuma Satou.

Because Yuki Suou was about to die from embarrassment.

"I don't know if you have noticed," The loner spoke bashfully. "But when you shake your head like that, there are other things attached to your body that also…shake."

"S-Shake?" Nope. That wasn't the sound of her voice.

"Yeah. Like you did just there." The loner went. "Although, if you are looking for the right word, I think 'jiggle' or 'bounce' would be more apt."

The loner was talking about her boobs. Her C-Cup boobs.

"I didn't know they were C-Cup." Had she said that part out loud? "I thought they were bigger. Not that I was looking." He quickly added. "On a completely separate note, I think we have spent a lot of time gawking – I mean, standing around each other and you definitely seem to be freezing your butt off."

Freezing? Cold? What did he mean? Wait a sec– "My nipples are not erect because I'm feeling horny!"

The loner lost it completely. "Woman, do you understand the words coming out of your mouth?!"

Of course she did. Yuki Suou understood everything. The man who identified himself as a loner was beaten down by life way too many times. Every day was a bad day for him. And then one day he finally had enough and he decided to break bad. But instead of cooking meth, he instead decided to do something more up to his speed and break into unsuspecting households and rob people. He definitely looked like a robber. Well, too bad he had such rotten luck.

"You broke into the wrong house fool!" Oh, why did she call him a fool? It was not wise to antagonize your would be robber in real-life. This wasn't like GTA where if you got wasted and died, you would just respawn at the nearest hospital. But she couldn't quite resist throwing in the line. Now if only she had a baseball bat with her. And of course she didn't. Real life really sucked. "This is the household of a broke high school student. You will not find any valuables here."

The loner gave her a look. "I am not a robber." He told her. But she didn't quite believe him. That's exactly something a robber would say to her to lull her into a false sense of security and rob her blind. Her older brother might not have anything worth stealing, but she kept all her otaku stuff at his place and she would be damned if she let this loser steal anything which belonged to her.

"Why should I believe you?" Yuki asked.

"Because I walked into the bathroom." He told her. "If I was a robber, the bathroom would be the last place I would visit. Unless, you know, I was one of those psychopaths who rob the place blind and use the bathroom and don't wash their hands afterwards."

Ah, Yuki had a clue. "Are you a psychopath?"

The loner shook his head. "High functioning sociopath. Ah, but don't worry. I don't have your number."

Okay. So he was a sociopath. You know what, that's exactly something a psychopath would say. And he was definitely weird. The man was standing here in the bathroom and she was standing a few feet away from him in all her naked glory and the guy hadn't popped a stiffy.

"Are you a homosexual?" Yuki asked.

"You know, you are standing here naked right?" The loner said in a tight tone. "Like I have been trying very hard to behave like a proper gentleman, but I am still a hot blooded male. I have my limits."

Oh no. Yuki tried to cover herself with her towel. But it was way too small. "You don't want to have sex with me, okay!?" She pleaded with him. "I have like a bunch of really horrible diseases. Like herpes and stuff. You will get sick and die a horrible death!"

He actually smiled at that. "I'm not a rapist."

Okay. That's definitely something a rapist would say. But she decided to keep an open mind. "Then who are you?"

He looked completely serious as he put both his hands on his waist and struck a pose. "I'm Batman!" He growled coolly.

Yuki Suou couldn't help it. She flashed him a cheeky grin. "How long have you been waiting to say that?"

"Longer than you might think, less than you would hope." He told her. "Now will you be getting dressed anytime soon or should I just stop being a gentleman about it and look to my heart's desire?"

Yuki Suou's eyes widened. "You said the thing!"

The loner frowned. "What thing?"

"You know," Yuki Suou couldn't believe she had to explain this to someone. He called himself a loner. What kind of self respecting loner wasn't an otaku? He really was an original. Or at least, he was really trying hard to be one. "When the male character walks into the bathroom and catches his love interest changing clothes, he says the exact same line. Don't deny it!"

"Wow, I didn't take you for a hardcore otaku, princess." The loner remarked. "But you really must have read some pretty niche stuff. The usual trope is when a male character walks into the bathroom and catches a girl naked, he usually gets his ass handed to him on a silver platter. But what you are saying is known to happen on some few rare occasions."

Yuki snorted in a very un-lady like manner. "Those rare occasions are what I live for. I love it when characters defy the norm. What's so great about watching a bunch of girls beat up a guy for walking in on them? Besides to tell you the truth, I think there is something more at play here."

"What do you mean?" Woah, the loner was invested in her theory.

Yuki tried not to feel self conscious. It was one thing sharing her stories and theories about manga and anime characters and discussing the usual tropes with her older brother, but it was another thing to do it with a total stranger. But now that she thought about it, he looked a bit familiar. But she had no choice. Her listener was invested. She had to power through. "You know what I think? I think the girls are all exhibitionist. But they are afraid to be their true self. So they leave the bathroom door unlocked and wait for the male protagonist to walk in on them and see them in all their naked glory."

The loner nodded his head sagely. "You propose a really sound theory. I'm impressed, princess. But while we are discussing the same topic, please enlighten me, why didn't you lock the door to the bathroom while you were in here naked!?" His voice rose an octave when he said the last part.

Yuki Suou was all too happy to explain. Because otherwise she would be labeled as an exhibitionist by her fellow otaku. Not that there was anything wrong with being an exhibitionist. To each their own, buddy. Live and let live. "I am glad you asked." She began her tale. "I was waiting for my older brother to arrive. You see, I might be the younger sibling, but I was the one who brought him to the dark side."

"Oh? So the cute younger sister corrupted the older brother, huh? Sounds like a title of a hentai." He added in an afterthought.

"I know right! Someone should definitely go about writing it." Yuki spoke excitedly. "Trust me, it will be a much bigger hit than No Game No Life. I can't believe that anime hasn't gotten another season yet."

"Hey Bleach got a new season after 10 years." The loner added. "So there's still hope yet. But you were saying something about your older brother. Please do continue. I really am invested in your story."

Yuki was more than happy to continue. "So like I was saying, my brother and I are otaku buddies. And I thought, hey, we have been brothers and sister for over fifteen years, but we still haven't unlocked the achievement for when the brother walks in on his cute little sister while she is naked in the bathroom. And so, I thought, now would be good."

The loner listened to everything she had to say and then simply shrugged. "Seems legit. I'm Hikigaya by the way." He introduced himself with a small bow. "I am an acquaintance of your older brother. I lent him some light novels and manga a few weeks ago and he told me to drop by his house today and collect them."

Yuki nodded along, believing his story. "My brother seems to trust you a lot, Hikigaya-kun, if he gave you the keys to his place."

Hikigaya looked away. "Well, I'm his senpai from school, so…." He trailed off.

Yuki nodded again. It was good to know that her brother had some friends in school. Although he was an otaku and a self professed loner, so - Wait a sec – "School? You two go to the same school!"

Hikigaya nodded. "Yeah, and judging by your high school uniform, we all attend the same academy." Yuki's eyes widened and she turned around so fast that she almost got whiplash. How did she get so careless? She had left her uniform hanging from the rack in the bathroom. He had been trying to be a gentleman about it and so he had been looking elsewhere, and of course he had spotted her clothes in the bathroom.

Hikigaya faked a cough to grab her attention. Now what? "You know, um, Kuze's imouto-san, turning around and showing me your back might be a good technique to cover your front from my lecherous gaze. But unless you plan on using the secret Joestar technique anytime soon, I would advise you to look me in the eye…please."

What the hell was he trying to say?

Hikigaya cleared his throat and tried again. "Okay, princess. Let's try this again. You are fifteen years old and in high school, so I think we are old enough to have this conversation. Although, I think Kuze should be the one giving you this talk, but well, there is nothing we can do about it now. Okay, are you ready, princess?" He didn't wait for her permission. "Despite what you might think, in high school, boys reach a particular age, where they start to develop and explore certain kinks and fetishes."

Oh. My. God. This was not the time to make Jojo references. There's always time to make a Jojo reference, her inner otaku screamed in indignation. Yuki Suou was blushing completely red from head to toe. And because she was completely naked, he could probably see everything. Yes. Everything. "Senpai -!"

Hikigaya carried on unperturbed. "And if you think all high school boys are perverts who all think about breasts of different shapes and sizes all the time…you will be correct." Oh, thank God. Not gonna lie, he had her in the first half. But Hikigaya wasn't finished yet. Yuki had her back turned on him. She was showing him her back. Oh no! She was showing him her back. Her completely bare back and bottoms!

But wait a second, she might still be in the clear. Didn't he just admit all high school boys were perverts who were only interested in breasts? He was a high schooler. He was the same. He had to be the same right? After all, he knew her brother. Her brother liked boobs. Therefore his senpai loved boobs too. Right? Right!?

Hikigaya chuckled and Yuki Suou wanted to drop dead. No, she wanted to combust into flames. It might be possible. She was growing really, really hot. Like stupid hot. And her face, her cheeks, her everything was so red.

Nope. Nope. Nope. She was over thinking things. There was no way. No way!

From behind, Hikigaya let out a shaky breath. "You are shaking like a leaf caught in the wind, imouto-san." He breathed out. "You might have covered your breasts from my rotten dead fish eyes, but your ass is calling me."

Yuki Suou .exe has stopped working.

It was such a cheesy line. So corny. So stupid. But for some reason it had the required effect on her. What the hell? Why was she behaving like a love sick girl? She was Yuki Suou goddammit, otaku extraordinaire.

Yuki felt her throat go dry. She didn't have the nerve to turn around. "You got that line from the internet!" She meant that as an accusation.

Hikigaya chuckled again. "Everyone got that line from the internet." He let out a wistful sigh. "Really, it's quite a pity. Breast sizes can be categorized and measured and put into these neat little boxes like C-Cups or D-Cups. But what about cute little bubble butts and thick juicy asses? They don't have similar measurements for asses for some reason. It's all part of a rotten ploy I tell you. The entire world is against us ass men. We are in the minority. The world is being overrun by men who love boobs. This oppression has to end."

Yuki Suou couldn't help it. She let out a short giggle and feeling rather bold and stupid she gave her ass cheek a little twerk. The man behind her let out a groan. Yuki felt a smile stretch across her lips. At first she thought being naked, having nothing but a small towel to cover her naked bits made her appear weak and vulnerable, but no, she had it all wrong, completely wrong. For some reason, being naked in front of him gave her power. Power like she had never felt before. It was such a heady feeling. She liked it. Hell, she loved it.

"You really believe in all these conspiracies, Hikigaya-kun?" She asked while flexing her ass cheeks again.

From behind her, the sound of a belt being unbuckled was heard. But Yuki Suou didn't feel remotely afraid. In fact, she felt all tingly and nice and sexy. And having his warm voice brush over her skin made her almost bite her lips and stop herself from letting out a really loud and embarrassing moan.

"Not conspiracies. Conspiracy." Hikigaya said in a smooth voice. "Singular."

Oh God. How did he manage to sound so hot while quoting lines from a kid's show? But she had always liked The Question. He was the best character from the show Justice League Unlimited. Screw you Batman!

Yuki Suou bounced her hips again…

And regretted her actions immediately.

SPANK!

"Ow!" Yuki Suou cried out in pain. Oh God! She sincerely hoped she had cried out in pain. Because if it was the alternative and she had indeed cried out in pleasure then she had awakened a new fetish. You thought Yuki Suou was a sadist, but who would have thought she was really a masochist in sheep's clothing. "Did you just hit me with a belt?"

"Yes." Hikigaya said firmly. "You deserved it for being such a goddamn tease. Besides, the alternative was me spanking your bare ass with my open palm and trust me, you don't want me to go down that road." His voice grew rich, smooth and velvety with something she couldn't quite place. Was it desire? Was it lust? Yuki's throat went completely dry. She even had trouble breathing now. Was her old asthma acting up again? "You won't like me when I'm hungry."

Did he just quote a line from The Incredible Hulk and made it fit into whatever crazy, sexy, not to mention hot foreplay they were doing? This was foreplay, right? Right? Only really hardened otaku men quoted lines from Edward Norton's The Incredibly Hulk when they were in the throes of passion. Why didn't he play the Hulk in The MCU? Wait a second, what the hell was she thinking? Get it together, Yuki!

This is it.

This is it.

She won't get another chance.

She had to say it.

She had to say it.

"W-Would you like dinner?" She slowly turned around and faced him. Her violet eyes bore into him. Upon a closer look he had such striking eyes. They were not beautiful. It didn't make him look dashing or handsome, but they really worked for him. He had his own aesthetic.

"Would you like a bath?"

Yuki Suou was suddenly very aware of herself. Hyper aware. The small flimsy towel hid absolutely nothing. By now her long, lustrous black hair wasn't as wet as before. But if they continued to play this very dangerous game, she would get wet elsewhere.

"Or perhaps…me?"

Hikigaya looked deep into her eyes. Just her eyes though. And her face. But he didn't let his vision wander. She couldn't help but wonder - he had to have taken a peek at her goods, right? He definitely didn't look like a saint. He was definitely a sinner. A sinner who wasn't afraid to sin over and over and over again.

"Maybe some other time." He croaked out, finally managing to break eye contact and look over her shoulders at nothing in particular. He was taller than her. But then again she was such a petite beauty. "For the time being, I would really like to get my light novels and manga back."

Yuki Suou let out a small sigh. The girl knew he liked her ass and her breasts, but did he like her size or was she just too short for his taste? Yuki knew for certain she wasn't the shortest girl in school. She was around the same height as Totsuka-senpai even. Maybe. But Totsuka-senpai acted more feminine than her sometimes. And he was definitely a dude. Curse her sweet, gremlin sister mode. It doesn't matter. "You ruined it." She told him. "You didn't say the line."

Hikigaya chuckled. "It's way too clichéd. For the both of us." He quickly added. "You are something else, princess."

"My name is Yuki Suou." She quickly added. While he kept his eyes away from her smaller frame, the younger girl quickly wrapped the towel she had previously slung over her lithe shoulders around her entire body. It did the job and managed to cover what needed to be covered and he could finally breath normally again. Finally, she said something which had been bothering her for a while now. "Do I know you from somewhere? You said you are Masachika-kun's senpai, so that would make you my senpai too. But your face looks really familiar."

She called Kuze by his first name instead of calling him her older brother. Odd. But not that odd. Well, each family is different and has their own interesting dynamic. Hikigaya decided not to think too much about it and simply shrugged. "Isshiki brought me in to help with the student council."

For some reason she didn't look pleased with what he just said. "I see. So you would be joining the student council, then?"

Hikigaya shook his head. "No. I would just be volunteering from time to time." Upon her look of mild curiosity, he helpfully added. "I am a member of the service club."

Yuki had heard about the club before. "I see." Well, whatever chemistry the two of them shared for whatever brief moment had officially fizzled out. The service club was run by that weirdo Yukinoshita-senpai, who was dubbed the Ice Queen and rumour has it, it was a club which catered to lost lambs and troubled souls.

He was a loner who was an otaku who looked like a delinquent. By society's standard he was the poster child of trouble and anti-social elements and NEETs who plagued the nation.

Not for the first time, Yuki Suou decided that it was one of the smartest decisions she ever made to keep her otaku habits on the down low and not broadcast them without shame and reservation for everyone to know in her school. She hailed from a prestigious family and she was called the Noble Princess, so her otaku behaviour wouldn't fit well with the image society had created for her.

But it was probably fine for Hikigaya-senpai to be an otaku.

Not for the first time she felt jealous towards people like her older brother and the man standing in front of her.

But it was no use blaming him. It was not his fault. Probably. "Would you please wait outside for a moment, while I get dressed?" She asked him politely. "I will fetch you your belongings, your light novels and manga. Masachika-kun probably has them lying around in his room. It would only take me a minute." She added with a smile and hoped he got that it was a dismissal.

If Hikigaya-senpai picked up on the sudden change in attitude or behaviour from her end, he didn't mention anything about it. Being a gentleman to the very end, I see, Yuki thought to herself.

It took longer for her to get dressed in something appropriate. Hikigaya-senpai didn't voice a complain. He didn't say it was getting late or she should hurry. If he thought she was doing it on purpose, he kept those thoughts entirely to himself.

But like he said before, there was a limit to his kindness. He was a man after all. A heterosexual man alone in an apartment with a younger girl whom he had just seen naked in every sense of the word. The towel hid nothing. Absolutely nothing. "I wonder where Kuze is at the moment." He wondered out loud.

Yuki spoke with the sophistication fitting a girl of her stature and elite heritage. "He is probably out with his girlfriend."

Hikigaya-senpai gave her a look. "Last time I checked he doesn't have a girlfriend."

Oh. He knew. "You seem to know a lot about Masachika-kun, senpai. Are the two of you friends?"

He waved her concern away. "No. I'm just his senpai. Although, Masachika calls me his otaku buddy. For some reason. I hate it." He added in an undertone.

Oh. Hikigaya-senpai didn't look like he hated it though. But Yuki thought she was her older brother's otaku buddy. It was something the both of them shared. Perhaps, she thought wrong. "These are the light novels and manga you lent to Masachika-kun." Yuki told him without letting any of the coldness she felt breeze through the conversation. "I put them in a bag. Please check them once. I don't know if I got them all."

Hikigaya-senpai went through the contents of the bag. "Did you finish reading them too?"

Oh. This was going to be a problem sooner rather than later. Hikigaya-senpai went to the same school as her. He was an upperclassman. He volunteered at the student council.

She had to deal with it.

She had to lie. "I haven't read them."

Please don't ask her anymore questions. "Oh?" He raised an eyebrow. "Did you not get the time? Or were they not to your liking?"

It was time to tell a bold faced lie. "Masachika-kun likes to read light novels and manga. I don't. I am Yuki Suou. I am the oldest daughter of a very old and prestigious family. I have a certain reputation to maintain."

Hikigaya-senpai was silent for a long while. Finally, he opened his mouth and said one thing. "…I see."

I see. I SEE. That's it. That's all you are gonna say about it senpai? Besides what did he see? What the hell was there to see? Did he get her? Did he understand her? Like really understand her.

Or was he quoting the Goblin Slayer for some stupid reason all of a sudden?

To find out tune in for the next episode of Dragon Ball Z!

…God she missed the closing narration from the old show.

Author's Note: Okay, please don't kill me. Please! I did a lot of back and forth on this and finally decided to do proper justice to the character of "Yuki Suou" I had to write a two-parter. Because this chapter had way too much gremlin little sister energy. And there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, that's what I like about Yuki Suou. But I thought the next chapter can be a bit more genuine. I mean it's a "Hikigaya x Yuki Suou" chapter. You got to expect something genuine from that guy. So, I decided to end this chapter on a cliff hanger. And I did it while quoting DBZ… Because I definitely think that's something Yuki Suou would do. She can break the 4th wall guys!

Anyway, so people who voted for Yuki Suou and think she's best girl – Rejoice! – We will be getting a second chapter!

Now it's time for some polls –

Poll#1: In Which POV Should I Write The Second "Yuki Suou" Chapter?

Option 1: Yuki Suou POV.

Option 2: Hikigaya POV.

Poll#2: Which Female Anime Character Should I Write About Next?

Option 1: Kei Shirogane – Kaguya-sama Wants To Confess.

Option 2: Aizawa Tomo – Tomo-chan Is A Girl.

Option 3: Carol Olston – Tomo-chan Is A Girl.

Option 4: Misuzu Gundou – Tomo-chan Is A Girl.

Option 5: Momo Ayase – Dandadan.

Option 6: Suggest A Female Character From "Food Wars!"

Option 7: Chisato – Lycoris Recoil.

Option 8: Hana Uzaki – Uzaki-chan Wants To Hang Out.

Option 9: Komi Shoko – Komi-san Can't Communicate.

Option 10: Female Anime Character From The Reviews.

[Note: Please suggest a ton of female anime characters in the reviews. You can also PM me an entire list!]

Poll#3: Which Plot Driven Fic Should I Write Next?

Option 1: OreGairu x Frieren: Frieren gets Isekai'd to OreGairu's world and Hikigaya is the re-incarnation of Himmel.

Option 2: OreGairu x Spy x Family: Yor Forger moves in with Loid Forger's Japanese cousin-in-law – Hikigaya Hachiman.

Option 3: OreGairu x Oshi no Ko: Hoshino Ai who is now a broke, penniless, single mother for her twins is hired by Hikigaya Hachiman as a maid to do some tastefully erotic things.

Option 4: OreGairu x Roshidere [RomCom: Love Triangle between Alisa Mikhailovna Kujou x Hikigaya Hachiman x Masachika Kuze.

Option 5: OreGairu x Roshidere [Harem: All the Roshidere Girls love Hikigaya.

Option 6: Hikigaya x Roshidere [Lemon Series: Hikigaya Sleeps With All The Female Characters In The Roshidere Cast.

Option 7: Hikigaya x Roshidere [One-Shot Series: A Collection of One-Shots feat. Hikigaya and Alya and Yuki and Masha, etc.

Please pick accordingly.

Hope everyone enjoyed reading this chapter.

Leave lots and lots of reviews, follow and fave.

Won't betray your dreams.