This is my first piece of writing pretty much ever.

Criticism is much appreciated, and if there is a lot of criticisms I may rewrite the first chapters before making new ones.

Thank you for reading!

Subaru POV

Subaru was lying in bed, unable to sleep. It had been a long day for him, a visitor was coming sometime soon which meant more work. But the visitor wasn't what kept Subaru up tonight.

'I don't even know if my save point has updated yet… What if I wake up on the first day again…'

The thought of having to redo his whole time in the mansion was truly terrifying to him and tonight, like many nights, it was keeping him up. It had been two and a half weeks since his last death, but the memories of each previous loop were burned into his mind. Rolling over to face his desk, he mulled over his situation.

'I'm not sure if I could take being forced to restart again…'

Sluggishly getting up from the bed, Subaru headed over to his desk. He wasn't going to sleep tonight. It was something he began to do often ever since his first death here. Dying in his sleep and being sent back was something that he constantly worried about ever since his first loop.

On nights where he wouldn't sleep, Subaru kept a journal. Not only was it a way to deal with some of his anxiety, but the memories kept him from falling asleep. And when reliving the past failed him, he would scratch at his arms until the pain made him alert again.

At first he was scared to keep a journal, what if one of the maids stumbled across it and learned about his ability? He wasn't quite sure what would happen in that situation, but took precautions anyway. The main one being that all of his entries were written in Japanese, even if someone found the journal, they wouldn't be able to read it.

And so he wrote, reliving each of his previous deaths. He couldn't get content, if he lets his guard down he might lose it all again. He needs to find any shred of useful information from his past deaths, no matter how painful. He can't-

*Knock Knock*

"Subaru-kun, it's time for you to wake up."

The bright voice of the blue-haired maid Rem came from the other side of the door.

Looking up, Subaru saw the sun peaking through his window. He had lost track of time.

"O-oh! I'll be out in a little bit, I need to get dressed!"

Realizing the state of his room and himself, Subaru made a quick excuse. He quickly cleaned up and dealt with the blood. Getting dressed in his butler clothes, he fell back into his energetic persona and opened the door.

"Gooood morning Rem-rin! I can't believe it's already time for another day of hard work!"

Subaru slipped past Rem into the hallway, already familiar with what his work will entail he sped away. Hopefully she hadn't seen the exhaustion on his face.

Rem POV

Rem was dealing with a myriad of new emotions recently. Ever since the black haired boy entered her life everything had been doused in color. Being happy was taking some time to get used to, but she was enjoying every moment of it.

Her heart would flutter when Subaru would say hi to her. It was something she had never felt before and a feeling she found herself getting lost in as of late. And at the epicenter of all this emotion was Subaru Natsuki.

'Subaru-kun seemed to be in a rush today…'

Rem lamented the fact that she wouldn't get to talk to him right now. She had just woken him up, a task she had taken upon herself everyday since the Ulgarm incident. Without missing a beat, she follows him down the hallway.

Subaru POV

Subaru was exhausted, a significant amount of time had passed since Rem woke him up, and he could feel his movement slowing down. He needs to work harder, do it better, he can't slack off.

'I need to continue showing results, if Rem and Ram begin to distrust me then-'

"Don't lie to me, witch cultist!"

He recalled Rem's voice from the interrogation.

'I don't want to go through that again…'

Subaru shook his head before continuing with his work. Trying to keep his body busy so his mind would stop returning to those memories.

'Just a few more hours before I can see Emilia…'

One of Subaru's jobs was to fetch Emilia when dinner came around. He made sure to always get done with his work so he could have time to chat with her. It was one of the few moments he could have a relaxed conversation with someone, so he always looks forward to their chats.

'C'mon! Focus! If I keep zoning out I'm not gonna finish in time!'

Slapping his cheeks, Subaru tried to refocus on the task at hand. However, due to sleep deprivation, he couldn't stop his mind from wandering for long.

'I need to find a safe place to sleep, I can't keep this up much longer…'

It had been three nights since he got more than a couple of hours of sleep. If he can't find somewhere he can sleep he's likely to break down. But that thought had to wait, it was time for EMF.

Emilia POV

Emilia had been studying most of the day. In fact that's what most of every day was for her, aside from the occasional business meeting concerning the royal selection. At Least that was the case, until Subaru came along. After saving her life in the capital, Subaru became a servant of the mansion. Every night he would come by to talk to her, which was a pleasant albeit new situation for her.

*Knock Knock*

"Emilia-tan! I've come for my long-awaited E.M.T time!"

Subaru's energetic voice resounds through the door rousing Emilia from her thoughts.

"Hello Subaru. Have you been working hard today?"

Opening the door she carried out the typical chatter, it was relaxing in its consistency. The two took slow steps through the halls of the mansion, taking their time and talking about their days. Subaru, as usual, slowly lowered in energy over the course of their chat. He would go from loud and boisterous at the start to quiet by the end of their conversation.

Ever since she had comforted him on his first day, Emilia made a point to watch Subaru closely when they spoke. She knew he wasn't the type to ask for help when he needed it, so she wanted to be able to help him without being asked. Tonight Subaru looked exhausted.

"You look reeaally tired Subaru, are you getting enough sleep?"

Emilia broke the short spell of silence that had befallen the conversation. Subaru's eyes widened slightly at the question, before quickly returning to normal.

"I-, Of course Emilia-tan. It's just that there has been a bunch of work recently to prepare for the visitors."

Subaru said while rubbing the back of his neck.

"Once things slow down I'll go back to having it easy. Of course I won't mind if you continue to dote on me even after that Emilia-tan!" Making a dramatic pose, Subaru winks.

Emilia chuckles lightly at his banter.

"Alright, as long as you are taking care of yourself."

Satisfied with the answer she got, she stops pursuing the question. The two of them continue talking, arriving at the dining hall together.

Subaru POV

'Damnit! I can't make Emilia worry about me any more! She already has enough to deal with!'

Dinner had come and gone, and Subaru was walking through the mansion thinking about the events of the day. His talk with Emilia had been refreshing as usual, only a couple of hiccups presented themselves. Subaru thought he was doing a good job of hiding his exhaustion, so Emilia asking why he was so tired caught him off guard. He had almost reflexively told her the truth. But he was able to quickly correct himself.

Subaru continued his train of thought from earlier in the day. If he was going to stop worrying Emilia, he needed to find a safe place to sleep tonight. He already had somewhere in mind, and he was actually looking for that very room right now.

"This one."

He says as he opens a door on his right.

"Another visit from an incredibly aggravating man, I suppose."

The great spirit of the forbidden library shoots a mean look at Subaru as he enters.

"Don't say that, Beako! Our chats are lovely!"

Subaru answers with exaggerated exasperation, he was used to the cold reception of the spirit.

"You truly have no manners at all, in fact. Calling such a noble being as myself by that name again!"

Beatrice's eyebrow twitches in annoyance, but she just continued reading.

Their usual banter continued for a while. After things began to calm down, Subaru sat down and finally relaxed. The great library was somewhere he would come every night, first of all to say goodnight to Beatrice, but also because it was a comfortable place for him. The door crossing made it impossible for people to find him willingly, and the presence of the great spirit who defended his life in the past, made him feel comfortable. Although due to the spirit's less than sunny disposition he was pretty sure she would kick him out if he tried to sleep here.

Beatrice would usually kick him out if he overstayed his welcome, but he would still come to the forbidden library often to sit and relax at the end of the day. He was not, however, usually this tired. The moment he sat down he felt his eyes begin to grow heavy, and he quickly fell asleep.

Beatrice POV

Beatrice had no interest in the world outside of her room. The very most that she even paid attention to was the mansion. Because she siphoned mana from the occupants she had to pay some amount of attention to them. In fact, she had a general idea of the mental state of all the inhabitants of the mansion, as siphoning mana gave her a vague look into their minds. They were generally stable throughout the day, the blue haired maid was sad, the red haired maid was filled with concerns, Roswaal was always scheming, and the half-elf was lonely.

The black haired butler was a bit of an enigma in this regard. When he first arrived in the mansion he was filled with fear. This was understandable having just faced down the Bowl Hunter. When he woke up his mental state seemingly stabilized, a bit of anxiety and hope and some other emotions, but nothing too strange. After he woke up for the second time however, his mind was consistently filled with fear, anxiety, sadness, and a barrage of negative emotion.

Beatrice had spent some time pondering this, if the boy was that person his mental state would be a problem. But she eventually gave up as the days passed.

Once again, the annoying boy barged into her room. He had made a habit of entering the forbidden library every day. He would come in and tease Beatrice, calling her strange words like "lowli" which irked her for some reason. However she, in her incredible patience, would let him ramble about his day, and even call her "Beako" instead of Beatrice. Today was no different, they went about their usual routine, a couple of exasperated sighs and dramatic poses from the boy later, he sat down and got quiet.

'How strange, I suppose…'

Beatrice had felt his emotions from the night before, and the nights before that. She knew of his habits, how he would rarely sleep, the self harm, and the exhaustion that would follow the next day. But for some reason he was calm whenever he entered the forbidden library.

'Simply aggravating, in fact. '

She looked up from her book at the sleeping boy. She mentally debated whether or not to kick him out. Not out of kindness of course, a great spirit such as herself would never show emotion for such a boy. Eventually she made up her mind, it would be more convenient to not be subjected to his torrent of emotion.

'As long as he is quiet I see no reason the boy should need to leave, I suppose.'

Coming to that conclusion, Beatrice hops down from her stool and leaves the boy to sleep.