Chapter 4.5 - Fun Chapter
This is a chapter for me to let loose all of my chaotic energy that I build up in the working of the story. A little excessive at parts but this is not canon to this story. Just an omake. Please enjoy the unhinged energy. Omake's will be removed when the next chapter is uploaded and uploaded as a separate file after the story is completed.
The combat arena at Beacon Academy hummed with anticipation.
This wasn't going to be a fight.
It wasn't even going to be a contest.
This was going to be a demonstration of failure.
Jaune Arc versus Cardin Winchester.
Jaune exhaled slowly as he stepped onto the platform. His movement was precise, his expression flat. His hands remained at his sides—not even raised in a guard.
Because this?
This wasn't something to be concerned about.
Across from him, Cardin stomped onto the stage, his heavy armor clanking loudly. His oversized mace rested on his shoulder, and he rolled his neck with a smug grin.
"Hope you're ready, Arc. Not too late to back out."
Jaune blinked at him.
Slowly.
The Worker of Secrets did not dignify him with a response.
He had seen great warriors.
He had fought kings, warlords, monsters.
And this…
This thing in front of him?
It was a disgrace.
Jaune closed his eyes for a moment.
This fight was already wasting his time.
"Jaune Arc. Cardin Winchester."
The arena erupted in cheers.
Not for Cardin.
"WOOOO! GO JAUNE!" Nora nearly fell over the railing.
Ruby threw up her hands. "Go Jaune! Make it quick!"
Yang grinned, arms crossed. "This is about to be a murder."
Weiss massaged her temples. "This is going to be embarrassing."
Blake… smirked.
Her golden eyes flickered with silent amusement, her ears twitching slightly.
Jaune glanced up at the observation deck, his gaze locking onto her for just a second.
Then, with a bored sigh, he turned back to Cardin.
Glynda raised her hand.
"Begin."
Momentum Is Not A Fighting Style
Cardin swung immediately.
A massive, overhead smash, putting all his weight into it.
Jaune stepped forward.
Casually.
Not dodging. Not deflecting.
Just walking past him.
The mace crashed into the ground behind him, missing entirely.
The sheer force of the attack pulled Cardin down, his body locking up for a full second as he tried to recover.
Jaune, not even looking at him anymore, exhaled through his nose.
Yang slapped the railing. "HE JUST WALKED BY."
Ruby, wheezing, gasped, "Jaune's not even trying!"
Weiss stared. "He—he's not even engaged in this fight!"
Blake, quiet but watching, let a slow smirk spread across her lips.
Cardin, face bright red, ripped his weapon free from the ground and swung again.
Jaune watched.
Watched as Cardin relied entirely on momentum again.
Pathetic.
Another swing. Another miss.
Another. Miss.
Another. Miss.
Jaune tilted his head.
Was this it?
Was this all Cardin knew?
Swing. Miss.
Swing. Miss.
Swing. Miss.
Jaune sighed audibly.
This was boring.
This was beneath him.
He had fought immortals. He had designed weapons that could shatter mountains. He had stood against beings that could bend the very laws of reality.
And yet, here he was.
Watching a farm animal attempt combat.
The Worker Of Secrets Loses Interest
Cardin, breathing heavily, set his stance for one final attack.
A full-powered, rage-fueled, downward smash.
Jaune let him commit.
The mace came down—
And lodged itself deep into the arena floor.
Jaune stared at it.
Then at Cardin.
Then back at the mace.
Then at Cardin again.
Jaune closed his eyes.
Then, very slowly—
He shoved Cardin.
Not an attack. Not a strike.
Just a casual push.
Cardin stumbled backward—hard.
His feet tangled—
THUMP.
Flat on his back.
The arena lost its mind.
Yang was on the floor, HOWLING. "JAUNE. STOP. HE CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE."
Ruby was CRYING. "Oh my gods—HE JUST PUSHED HIM."
Weiss, hands covering her face, muttered, "This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen."
Blake's ears twitched slightly.
Her smile widened.
Jaune exhaled through his nose.
Then, with one hand, he gripped the mace and pulled it free effortlessly.
Spun it once. Testing the weight.
Then, as if deciding it wasn't worth his time—
He threw it at Cardin.
HARD.
The weapon collided with Cardin's chestplate like a wrecking ball.
Cardin left the ground.
FLEW OUT OF THE RING.
SLAM.
Silence.
Glynda exhaled sharply.
"Winner: Jaune Arc."
Jaune stepped off the platform.
Not out of victory.
Out of boredom.
He had tried to hold back.
He had tried to make it clean.
And somehow, he had made it the most humiliating thing to happen at Beacon Academy.
Team RWBY and JNPR descended on him immediately.
Yang, still wiping away tears, slapped his back. "JAUNE. YOU JUST SHOVED HIM."
Ruby, barely able to breathe, gasped, "And—and then—YOU THREW HIS OWN WEAPON AT HIM."
Nora was wheezing. "YOU ENDED HIS WHOLE CAREER."
Weiss, looking pale, just whispered, "That was… awful to watch."
Jaune sighed. "He was just that bad."
Weiss threw up her hands. "THAT'S NOT THE POINT."
Blake, her golden eyes locked onto Jaune, tilted her head.
Then, ever so slightly—
She smiled.
Jaune noticed.
And for a moment, that was the only reaction that mattered.
Nora collapsed laughing. "HIS EXPRESSION WHEN YOU TOOK HIS WEAPON—"
Yang, wheezing, leaned against Ruby. "I CAN'T—"
Blake's smirk remained.
Jaune sat down.
Unbothered.
This had been a waste of time.
But at least it had been mildly entertaining.
Beacon Academy – Headmaster's Office
High above the combat arena, beyond the noise and laughter of the students, two men watched the fight unfold from the quiet solitude of Ozpin's office.
The massive windows of the tower overlooked the entire school, offering a perfect view of the battle. One of the monitors on Ozpin's desk displayed the live feed from the arena, though by this point, calling it a "battle" was being generous.
Professor Ozpin sat at his desk, one hand resting lightly on his cane, expression unreadable.
Beside him, Qrow Branwen stared at the screen, a flask halfway to his lips.
The video replayed in slow motion.
Jaune Arc walking past Cardin's first attack without looking.
Jaune Arc standing still while Cardin swung at nothing.
Jaune Arc sighing audibly while his opponent flailed like an idiot.
Jaune Arc casually pushing Cardin over like a poorly stacked chair.
Jaune Arc throwing Cardin's own weapon into his chest so hard that he went airborne.
Qrow lowered the flask.
Then, in the quietest, most bewildered tone possible—
"…What the actual hell am I watching?"
Ozpin exhaled softly, steepling his fingers. "A lesson."
Qrow pointed at the screen. "A lesson in what? How to lose a fight in the worst possible way?"
The screen showed Cardin flying out of the ring again.
Qrow made a strangled noise in the back of his throat.
Ozpin took a quiet sip of his coffee. "A lesson in patience, perhaps."
Qrow slowly turned to him.
His expression was flat.
His dead stare held the weight of a man who had seen many things in his life.
And yet.
This was testing his limits.
"…Oz," Qrow said, voice dry. "That kid just shoved someone to the ground in a professional combat class."
Ozpin nodded.
"He threw his own opponent's weapon back at him like a javelin."
Ozpin took another sip of coffee.
Qrow rubbed his face with one hand, his brain still buffering.
"He—he didn't even—fight. He stood there and waited while that poor bastard defeated himself."
The slow-motion replay showed Cardin planting his weapon too deep into the arena floor.
Then the shove.
Then the mace throw.
Then the airborne Cardin.
Qrow opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
Then he just took a long, long sip from his flask.
Ozpin, eyes still on the screen, smiled slightly.
"It would appear young Mr. Arc finds these kinds of battles… beneath him."
Qrow let out a hysterical chuckle.
"Beneath him? Oz, this wasn't a fight, this was an assassination of dignity!"
Ozpin chuckled softly. "Yes. Quite."
Replay #1 – The Setup for Disaster
Qrow crossed his arms, leaning forward like a detective watching security footage, trying to understand how exactly a crime had taken place.
"Alright, let's watch this again. Here's Cardin. Big. Loud. Cocky. Wrong."
Cardin charged forward, his oversized mace raised overhead.
Jaune stepped forward.
Not dodging. Not reacting.
Just walking past him like a guy avoiding a street fundraiser.
BOOM.
The mace slammed into the floor, embedding itself deep into the stone.
Cardin lurched forward.
Qrow waved at the screen. "And there it is, mistake number one! Full commitment to a dumb idea!"
Jaune turned, still not reacting.
Cardin ripped his weapon free and swung again.
Jaune tilted his head slightly to the left.
Miss.
Cardin, now angry, swung again.
Jaune leaned slightly to the right.
Another miss.
Qrow took a slow sip from his flask.
"Christ, is this a fight or is Cardin trying to hit a ghost?"
Replay #2 – The Stupidity Deepens
The footage rewound.
Qrow tapped his chin.
"Alright, maybe there's some secret technique here I missed the first time."
The fight played again.
"First swing—miss. Second swing—miss. Third swing—oh, what's that? Another miss! Fantastic!"
Jaune sighed.
Cardin, completely unaware of his own failure, just swung harder.
"Four swings! Five swings! I swear, if he misses one more time—"
Cardin missed again.
Qrow made a strangled noise. "We have SIX MISSES, PEOPLE. SOMEONE GIVE THIS MAN A TROPHY."
Replay #3 – Qrow Enters Existential Crisis Mode
Jaune, expression as blank as ever, just stuck out his foot.
Cardin caught his own boot, flailed like a malfunctioning windmill, and hit the floor face-first.
THUMP.
Qrow paused the video.
For a long moment, he just stared.
Then—"Oz."
Ozpin, ever patient, raised an eyebrow. "Yes, Qrow?"
Qrow pointed at the screen. "This is a combat school, right?"
"Yes."
"Where people are supposed to be trained to fight?"
"Yes."
"And Cardin just tripped over absolutely nothing like a goddamn cartoon character?"
Ozpin took another sip of coffee. "That does seem to be the case."
Qrow covered his face with both hands.
"…Play it again."
Replay #4 – The Mace Throw
Jaune, visibly done with this nonsense, reached down and grabbed the mace.
One hand.
Effortless.
Qrow blinked. "That weighs, what? Like, seventy pounds?"
Ozpin nodded. "Approximately."
Jaune spun it once, testing the weight.
Then, as if deciding the entire thing was pointless, he just… threw it.
Cardin had no time to react.
The mace collided with his chestplate with the force of a wrecking ball.
Cardin left the ground.
Qrow's eye twitched.
"…Oz."
"Yes, Qrow?"
"…Play it again."
Replay #5 – The Play-By-Play Commentary
Qrow went full sports announcer.
"AND HERE WE GO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CARDIN WINCHESTER, THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE VICTIM, CHARGING IN WITH THE BIGGEST SWING OF HIS LIFE—AND JAUNE ARC IS JUST NOT THERE."
"AND WHAT'S THIS? OH—OH—A TRIP! A BEAUTIFUL TRIP! TEXTBOOK EXECUTION! LET'S SEE THE REPLAY ON THAT!"
"AND HE'S DOWN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THAT MAN HAS HIT THE FLOOR! OH, AND WHAT'S THIS? WHAT'S THIS? JAUNE ARC LOOKS BORED OUT OF HIS MIND! WHAT A POWER MOVE! A SHOVE! A SHOVE! HE'S DOWN AGAIN!"
"CARDIN WINCHESTER HAS BEEN YEETED INTO LOW ORBIT! HE IS FLYING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! PACK YOUR BAGS, WE HAVE LIFTOFF!"
The footage paused again.
Qrow exhaled.
Ozpin sipped his coffee.
Qrow opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
Then—
"…Play it again."
Ozpin smiled, tapped the key, and the footage rewound.
Qrow took a deep breath, unscrewed his flask, and took a long, slow sip.
This wasn't just a fight anymore.
This was a case study in failure.
And Qrow wasn't going to miss a single second of it.
Beacon Academy – Team CFVY's Dorm Room
Cardin Winchester had been at Beacon Academy for exactly one week.
Seven days.
One hundred and sixty-eight hours.
And in that time, he had already managed to completely fuck himself over in ways no one thought possible.
Not by failing a combat test in the most embarrassing way. Not by skipping an important mission briefing and getting chewed out. Not even by trying to sneak alcohol into the dorms and getting caught.
No.
This absolute brain-dead moron had decided to start harassing Velvet Scarlatina.
And now?
Now, the universe itself had personally intervened to hand out divine retribution.
Not through a teacher's punishment. Not through detention or a disciplinary hearing.
No.
Through the single most humiliating, soul-destroying, ego-shattering public ass-whooping in the history of Beacon Academy.
And the best part?
Every single student was watching.
The Video That Shattered a Reputation
Beacon Academy's internal messaging system was meant for important academic announcements.
Class schedules. Mission reports. Emergency alerts.
Today?
It had been hijacked by a piece of footage so catastrophic it had spread like a fucking pandemic.
A video file had been unleashed upon the student body, and it was unstoppable.
At first, it had been shared between a few amused first-years. Then, the second-year students got a hold of it.
Then?
The seniors started watching, and that's when shit got out of control.
By the time Team CFVY got their hands on it, it had gone full viral in a way nothing at Beacon ever had before.
Somewhere, professors were pretending not to be watching.
Somewhere else, Cardin Winchester was sitting in his dorm room, coming to terms with the death of his social standing.
And Coco Adel?
Coco Adel, fashion queen, team leader, and lifelong supporter of public humiliation, was on her fifth rewatch.
Jaune Arc walking past Cardin's first attack like he was stepping around a fucking puddle.
Jaune Arc standing completely still while Cardin swung at nothing but his own failure.
Jaune Arc sighing so hard the arena microphone actually picked it up.
Jaune Arc casually pushing Cardin over like he was closing a goddamn fridge door with his foot.
Jaune Arc throwing Cardin's own weapon into his chest with the power of a vengeful god.
Cardin. Fucking. Flying.
Cardin. Fucking. Crashing.
Cardin. Fucking. Staying on the ground like a man who had just seen his entire life flash before his eyes.
The video paused at Cardin's peak altitude, frozen in time for all of Beacon to witness.
His limbs flailed violently in every direction possible. His chestplate had folded inward like cheap tin foil. His expression carried the unmistakable look of a man who had just realized he was about to become a fucking meme.
Coco snorted, nearly choking on her own laughter as she leaned back.
She turned her head toward her teammate.
"…Velvet."
Velvet Scarlatina, sweet, soft-spoken, and undeserving of the bullshit she had been dealing with, stiffened like she had been caught watching something illegal.
Coco pulled down her sunglasses, revealing the wicked gleam in her eyes as she spoke.
"This isn't the same Cardin Winchester that's been here for, what? A week?"
Velvet fidgeted uncomfortably, ears twitching as she avoided eye contact. "Um… y-yeah, it's definitely him."
Coco's grin widened into something outright predatory.
"The same dumbass who decided to start harassing you—after only seven goddamn days?"
Velvet bit her lip, her ears flattening as she gave a small nod. "...Yes."
Fox Alistair, who had been peacefully sipping his drink in the corner, suddenly exploded into a fit of raw, unfiltered chaos.
"EX-FUCKING-SCUSE ME?!"
The scroll almost flew out of Coco's hands from the sheer force of his reaction.
Fox stood up so fast his chair fucking launched backward. He threw his arms into the air like he had just heard the dumbest shit in his entire life.
"THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS BEEN AT BEACON FOR SEVEN FUCKING DAYS—AND HE'S ALREADY PULLING THIS BULLSHIT?!"
Velvet shrunk back slightly, unsure how to respond to Fox's outburst.
Coco, on the other hand, was eating this up.
She tilted her head to the side, her shit-eating grin growing wider by the second.
"Velvet."
Velvet gulped. "Y-yeah?"
Coco tapped her scroll screen, letting the video sit frozen for dramatic effect.
"Did you know this happened before today?"
Velvet shook her head aggressively, looking horrified at the thought. "N-no! I just heard people laughing in the halls, but I d-didn't know why!"
Fox fucking LOST IT.
"OH MY GOD—SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW?!"
He grabbed his own fucking hair and started pacing the room.
"This is it. This is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen. We've peaked. Humanity has peaked."
Yatsuhashi Daichi, the only one in the room with an ounce of patience left, rubbed his temples with both hands.
"I think we're about to see why everyone was laughing, Velvet."
Coco grinned like a goddamn supervillain about to unveil her master plan.
"Oh, bunny," she purred, tapping the screen with one perfectly manicured nail.
"We are watching this six times in a row."
Fox, already halfway to a breakdown, threw himself onto the couch like he was preparing for the fucking Super Bowl.
"YES! FUCK YES! PLAY THAT SHIT AGAIN!"
Velvet, still staring at the frozen image of Cardin mid-air, whispered, "…Is he still alive after this?"
Coco laughed so hard she slapped her knee.
"He's alive," she confirmed, barely suppressing her amusement.
Fox, now practically foaming at the mouth, chimed in immediately after her.
"BUT HIS DIGNITY IS FUCKING DEAD. PLAY THE TAPE."
Yatsuhashi, who was already questioning why he put up with this team, sighed like a man who knew he was about to suffer.
"Let's just get this over with."
Coco smirked like a demon and hit the play button.
And thus began the first of six glorious, excruciating, and absolutely fucking legendary rewatches.
Beacon Academy – Team CFVY's Dorm Room
Replay #1 – The First Viewing: Pure Shock and Disbelief
Coco pressed play.
The screen flickered, and the match began.
Cardin stomped onto the battlefield like he already won. His armor clanked loudly, his massive mace resting over one shoulder.
Jaune Arc stepped forward looking like a man who had just realized he had wasted his morning for this posture was relaxed, his hands resting on his hips, and his expression was one of pure boredom.
The match timer counted down.
Three… Two… One… Begin.
The buzzer sounded through the arena.
Cardin charged instantly, swinging his mace like a caveman trying to kill a fly.
Jaune did not react.
Not even a flinch.
Instead, he simply walked past him.
Not a dodge.
Not a counterattack.
Just… left.
BOOM.
The mace slammed into the ground, embedding itself so deep into the stone that dust and debris kicked up around it.
Velvet gasped, ears perking straight up.
Coco paused the video instantly.
She turned slowly toward Velvet.
"Did you see him move?"
Velvet, eyes wide, shook her head. "H-he just… left the attack?"
Fox, who had been silent for all of three goddamn seconds, erupted like a fucking volcano.
"THIS BASTARD DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING TRY TO DODGE!"
He jumped off the couch, pointing both hands at the screen like it had personally offended him.
"THAT WASN'T EVEN A DEFENSIVE MOVE! THAT WAS JUST STRAIGHT-UP DISRESPECT!"
Yatsuhashi, rubbing his temples, let out a slow exhale.
"This is already painful to watch," he muttered.
Coco grinned and hit play again.
Cardin, blinded by pure ignorance, ripped his weapon free from the ground.
He swung again.
Jaune tilted his head slightly.
Miss.
Cardin, visibly annoyed, swung again.
Jaune leaned slightly the other way.
Miss.
Coco paused again.
She held out both hands, shaking her head.
"Hold up. Hold the fuck up."
Fox was already pacing.
"NO. NO. FUCK NO. NO WAY. NO FUCKING WAY."
Velvet, mouth slightly open, pointed at the screen. "He's not even trying to dodge, he's just… existing somewhere else."
Fox, gripping his own hair, spun toward them.
"DID THIS MOTHERFUCKER JUST INSTALL LAG INTO REAL LIFE?!"
Coco wheezed.
She barely managed to hit play again.
Cardin, now visibly irritated, swung harder.
Jaune sighed.
An actual, audible sigh.
Cardin's next attack whiffed so badly that he spun around from his own momentum.
Fox screamed.
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, STOP! JUST STOP! STOP SWINGING! IT'S OVER! IT'S FUCKING OVER!"
Velvet gasped, hands covering her mouth.
Yatsuhashi, watching the fight like a man slowly losing faith in humanity, groaned.
"This is getting difficult to sit through."
Fox ignored him completely.
He was pointing aggressively at the screen, yelling like a sports announcer having a breakdown.
"HE'S PLAYING PONG WITH THIS DUDE'S LIFE! CARDIN JUST SWUNG AND DID A FUCKING 360! THIS ISN'T A FIGHT—THIS IS A LIVE EXECUTION!"
Jaune, expression unreadable, finally moved.
Not an attack.
Not a counter.
He just… stuck out his foot.
Cardin tripped.
And not just a small stumble—a full-body, arms-flailing, gravity-defying catastrophe.
THUMP.
Fox threw his arms into the air and fucking collapsed onto the couch.
"FUCKING JESUS CHRIST! HE FELL! HE FELL ON HIS OWN! HE FELL LIKE A FUCKING TREE! TIMBER, MOTHERFUCKER!"
Coco, laughing so hard she couldn't breathe, waved her hand at the screen.
"HE JUST FUCKING—HE JUST—"
Velvet, who had been watching in complete disbelief, whispered, "Oh my god."
Yatsuhashi rubbed his face with both hands, breathing deeply.
"This fight should be illegal."
Fox threw a pillow at the wall.
"HE TRIPPED ON A GODDAMN STATIC OBJECT. HIS FOOT WASN'T EVEN RAISED. HE JUST—FUCKING—CRASHED."
Coco hit play again, grinning ear to ear.
Jaune slowly exhaled, staring down at Cardin like he was debating whether to finish his drink or throw it away.
Then?
He picked up Cardin's mace.
One-handed.
Fox stopped breathing.
Velvet made a strangled noise.
Yatsuhashi slowly turned away from the screen, as if refusing to witness what came next.
Jaune spun the mace once, testing its weight.
Then—as if deciding it wasn't even worth the effort—
He fucking threw it at Cardin.
Full force.
Into his chest.
BAM.
Cardin left the ground.
For a full second, he defied physics.
Then, like all things, he fell.
Hard.
OUTSIDE THE FUCKING RING.
The arena was dead silent.
Pause.
Nobody spoke.
Nobody moved.
Fox was fucking gone.
He threw himself backward, feet kicking the air, screaming in incoherent laughter.
"HOLY FUCKING—THAT WAS THE SICKEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!"
Coco was crying from laughter, gripping her stomach.
Velvet had both hands covering her mouth, eyes wide as plates.
Yatsuhashi, looking physically drained, ran a hand down his face.
"I have nothing left to say."
Fox, cackling like a lunatic, finally wheezed out—
"RUN THAT SHIT THE FUCK BACK."
Coco, wiping tears from her eyes, hit rewind.
"Five more times, boys."
Fox threw his head back and fucking howled.
"YESSSSSSSSSS."
Replay #2 – The Realization That Cardin Winchester is a Fucking Joke
Coco grinned like a goddamn demon, hitting rewind without hesitation.
Fox was already wheezing, his entire body fucking vibrating.
Yatsuhashi? Dead silent.
Velvet? Still covering her mouth, ears twitching wildly.
The screen reset back to the start of the match.
Cardin marched forward once again, completely unaware that he was about to become a cautionary tale for future generations.
Jaune Arc, apathetic as ever, stepped forward like he had better things to do.
The buzzer sounded.
Fox, already fucking crying, flailed an arm.
"OH BOY, HERE COMES DUMBASS AGAIN! ROUND FUCKING TWO!"
Yatsuhashi, taking a deep, controlled breath, muttered under his breath.
"I don't want to do this again."
Coco, suppressing laughter, patted his shoulder.
"Too bad, big guy. It's happening."
Cardin charged immediately, gripping his weapon like it owed him money.
Jaune once again did not react.
Didn't tense.
Didn't flinch.
Didn't fucking blink.
Instead?
He just… walked past him. Again.
Not dodging.
Not countering.
Just deciding that Cardin's attack was beneath him.
BOOM.
The mace hit the ground for the second time, embedding itself just as deep.
Velvet, shaking her head in disbelief, whispered, "Oh no… not again…"
Coco paused the video, then slowly turned toward Velvet.
"Velvet. Sweetheart. I need to ask you something."
Velvet, ears twitching wildly, looked over. "Y-yeah?"
Coco pointed at the screen, barely suppressing her grin.
"Did he even fucking acknowledge Cardin?"
Velvet hesitated.
Then, softly, she shook her head.
"No… he just… he just walked."
Fox, gripping his own goddamn knees, took a deep, shaky breath.
Then he fucking exploded.
"HOLY SHIT, IT'S EVEN WORSE THE SECOND TIME."
He stood up so fucking fast he kicked over the goddamn coffee table.
"THIS DUMBASS SAID 'I'M GONNA HIT YOU' AND JAUNE FUCKING SAID 'NO YOU'RE NOT' AND JUST FUCKING LEFT."
Yatsuhashi, *watching this chaos unfold, leaned his head against the wall.
"…I am questioning my life choices."
Fox, turning bright fucking red, flailed his arms at the screen.
"LOOK AT HIS FACE. LOOK AT JAUNE'S FUCKING FACE. HE'S NOT EVEN LOOKING AT HIM. HE'S BORED OUT OF HIS GODDAMN MIND."
Velvet, staring at the still frame, finally broke.
Her shoulders started shaking.
A moment later, a snort slipped out.
Fox fucking lost it.
"WE GOT HER. WE FUCKING GOT HER. VELVET'S IN THE SHIT NOW!"
Coco, laughing her ass off, smacked play.
Cardin, determined to somehow make this worse, ripped his weapon free.
He swung.
Jaune tilted his head slightly.
Miss.
Cardin, now visibly annoyed, swung again.
Jaune leaned slightly the other way.
Miss.
Coco paused again.
She let out a slow, exaggerated sigh and removed her sunglasses.
"Alright. Here's the thing, kids."
She pointed at Cardin's dumbass face.
"This boy. Right here. This absolute waste of oxygen. This test subject for brain failure. This walking fucking L."
She gestured at Jaune's unmoving body.
"This man. This beautiful, unbothered man. This saint. This icon. This messiah of effortless disrespect."
She leaned forward.
"And yet… Cardin really thought he could hit him."
Fox, fully fucking unhinged, grabbed a pillow off the couch and started screaming into it.
Yatsuhashi, who had been suffering in silence, exhaled slowly.
"I need to go outside."
Fox, fucking vibrating, turned to face him.
"YATSU, YOU GOTTA SEE THIS SHIT. YOU GOTTA WITNESS HISTORY."
Yatsuhashi, rubbing his temples, didn't move.
Coco hit play again.
Jaune, now looking visibly fed up, took a single deep breath.
Then?
He stuck out his foot.
Cardin tripped like a fucking cartoon character.
Not a small stumble.
Not a clumsy misstep.
No.
He fully fucking crashed.
Face-first.
Into the ground.
Fox screamed so loud that the goddamn walls shook.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD, HE TRIPPED OVER NOTHING. HE TRIPPED OVER HIS OWN BAD DECISIONS."
Coco, laughing so hard she had to wipe her eyes, paused the video immediately.
Velvet, hands over her mouth, eyes wide as hell, whispered, "He didn't even push him…"
Fox, clutching his chest, fucking fell backward onto the couch.
"THE MAN SELF-DESTRUCTED. HE FUCKING WENT 'ERROR 404: DIGNITY NOT FOUND' AND FELL ON HIS OWN."
Yatsuhashi, rubbing his temples, mumbled, "I need alcohol."
Fox, wheezing, turned toward him.
"YOU DON'T DRINK."
"I DO NOW."
Coco, barely breathing, hit play.
Jaune, done with this bullshit, picked up Cardin's mace.
With one hand.
Fox fell out of his goddamn seat.
"FUCKING STOP! STOP! HE'S ALREADY DEAD!"
Velvet gasped.
Coco grinned like a monster.
Jaune spun the weapon once, testing the weight.
Then?
He chucked that motherfucker at Cardin's chest like he was hurling a trash bag into a dumpster.
The impact was immediate.
BAM.
Cardin lifted off the ground.
For a full goddamn second.
Then, gravity won.
And Cardin?
Fucking crashed outside the ring.
Fox collapsed, kicking his legs in the air.
"PLAY IT AGAIN. PLAY IT AGAIN. PLAY IT A-FUCKING-GAIN."
Yatsuhashi, staring at the screen in dead silence, whispered,
"…I think I hate this school."
Coco leaned back, stretching like a cat.
"Four more times, boys."
Fox fucking howled.
Replay #3 – The Destruction of a Bloodline
Coco hit rewind. Again.
The screen flickered back to the beginning of Cardin's personal funeral service.
Fox, who had just barely recovered, immediately started losing it all over again.
Yatsuhashi, who had not spoken a full sentence in minutes, inhaled deeply through his nose.
Velvet, who had gone from shocked to horrified to entertained, now had a look of quiet acceptance on her face.
Fox, already vibrating, slammed both hands onto the couch.
"OH YES. ROUND THREE, BABY. RUN THAT SHIT BACK."
Coco, grinning like a demon, cracked her knuckles.
"This time, we're watching it properly."
Yatsuhashi, expression blank, muttered.
"…Properly?"
Fox pointed aggressively at the screen.
"YATSU, LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME IN THE GODDAMN EYES."
Yatsuhashi begrudgingly turned his head.
Fox, face completely serious, took a deep breath.
Then he fucking screamed.
"WE ARE WITNESSING THE PUBLIC EXECUTION OF A MAN'S FUTURE!"
Velvet let out an involuntary snort.
Coco laughed, then hit play.
The buzzer sounded.
Cardin charged forward, just as aggressive, just as confident, just as fucking dumb.
Jaune stepped forward, just as calm, just as unbothered, just as completely fucking done.
Fox, clutching the couch cushion, yelled.
"HERE COMES THIS DUMBASS AGAIN! HE LEARNED NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"
Cardin swung.
Jaune walked past him.
Again.
BOOM.
The mace slammed into the ground. Again.
Coco paused immediately.
She turned toward the group, face completely serious.
"Alright, I have a very simple question."
Velvet, who had been trying not to laugh, blinked. "What is it?"
Coco gestured at Jaune's completely uninterested face.
"Does this look like a man who gives a single fuck?"
Velvet opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.
Then, softly, she shook her head.
Fox, who had been making an actual fucking attempt to stay composed, lost it.
"WE GOT HER AGAIN. WE GOT HER AGAIN. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SHE'S GONE."
Velvet tried to say something but started laughing instead.
Coco, grinning, hit play again.
Cardin, determined to fail harder than anyone had ever failed before, ripped his weapon free.
Fox, taking a deep breath, narrated in a calm, professional voice.
"Here we see the dumbass in his natural habitat, completely unaware that he is about to be clowned on for the third time in a row."
Cardin swung again.
Jaune tilted his head slightly.
Miss.
Cardin, visibly frustrated, swung again.
Jaune leaned slightly the other way.
Miss.
Fox started counting.
"That's one. That's two. That's three. Oh, wait—"
Cardin, losing his mind, swung even harder.
Jaune, expression completely unreadable, sighed through his nose.
Miss.
Fox slammed both hands onto the table.
"THAT'S FOUR. FOUR. WE GOT FOUR STRAIGHT FUCKING MISSES. SOMEONE GIVE THIS MAN A PARTICIPATION TROPHY."
Coco, dying, paused the video again.
She turned to Velvet, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Alright, Vel. Be honest with me."
Velvet, still breathless, blinked at her.
Coco smirked.
"Did you ever think Cardin was this fucking bad?"
Velvet, processing that information, hesitated.
Then, quietly, she shook her head.
Fox, who was barely holding it together, threw his head back.
"SHE ADMITTED IT! SHE ADMITTED IT! VELVET HAS SEEN THE LIGHT!"
Yatsuhashi, who had been silently suffering, pinched the bridge of his nose.
"…Can we at least finish this match before I lose all faith in mankind?"
Coco smirked, hit play, and leaned back.
"Let's find out."
Cardin, having successfully missed every attack like an absolute dumbass, stumbled forward from his own momentum.
Jaune rolled his shoulders, exhaled slowly, and…
Stuck out his foot.
Cardin tripped like he had just been fucking sniped.
His arms flailed.
His legs buckled.
His face met the floor with the sound of ultimate failure.
THUMP.
Fox fucking ascended.
"HE FELL AGAIN. HE FELL AGAIN. SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP ME. I CAN'T TAKE IT."
Coco was wheezing, head in her hands.
Velvet was curled over, laughing into her own arms.
Yatsuhashi let out the slowest, deepest sigh of his entire life.
Fox, red in the face, pointed both hands at the screen.
"HE TRIPPED OVER A GODDAMN CONCEPT. NOT A FOOT. NOT A TRAP. JUST BAD DECISIONS."
Coco, barely able to breathe, hit play one more time.
Jaune, expression flat, looked down at Cardin like he had just run out of patience.
Then?
He picked up the mace.
One-handed. Effortless.
Fox dropped to his knees on the floor.
"NO. NO. STOP. STOP. FUCKING STOP. PLEASE. THIS MAN CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE."
Jaune spun the weapon once, as if deciding whether or not it was even worth the effort.
Then?
He chucked it at Cardin's chest.
With everything he had.
BAM.
Cardin fucking lifted off the ground like gravity had been temporarily suspended.
One full second.
Then?
Gravity reasserted itself, and Cardin Winchester was ejected from the ring like yesterday's trash.
The arena fell into stunned silence.
The dorm room exploded.
Fox fell onto his side, laughing so fucking hard that he started wheezing like an asthmatic hyena.
Coco slammed her head into a pillow, tears streaming down her face.
Velvet, mouth open in shock, whispered,
"…That was a murder."
Yatsuhashi let out a slow, agonized groan.
"I want to go home."
Fox, cackling, sat up, eyes wild.
"AGAIN. AGAIN. AGAIN."
Coco, wiping her tears, smirked and hit rewind.
"Three more times, boys."
Fox threw his head back and howled like a goddamn lunatic.
Replay #4 – The Death of Common Sense
Coco hit rewind. Again.
The screen flickered back to the beginning of the fight that should never have been.
Fox, who had already lost all grip on reality, was holding onto the couch like he was bracing for impact.
Yatsuhashi, who had officially entered the "dead inside" stage of grief, was staring at the ceiling like it held the answers to his suffering.
Velvet, who had gone through every emotional phase possible, now looked disturbingly eager to see it again.
Coco, smirking like a demon, adjusted her sunglasses and cracked her knuckles.
"Alright. We've seen this three times now."
She pointed at the screen.
"This time, I want full commentary. Play-by-play. Professional analysis."
Fox, who had no goddamn chill left, slapped his hands onto his knees.
"SAY FUCKING LESS."
Yatsuhashi, who had been gripping the couch arm like it was keeping him tethered to sanity, muttered.
"…I am truly in hell."
Coco hit play.
The buzzer sounded.
Cardin stomped forward like a man who still hadn't learned a goddamn thing.
Jaune stepped forward looking like a man who had learned something—namely, that this fight was a waste of his fucking time.
Fox pointed aggressively at the screen.
"AND HERE WE GO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! ROUND FOUR OF THE STUPIDEST FIGHT IN HUMAN HISTORY!"
Yatsuhashi closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, and exhaled even slower.
"…Dust help me."
Cardin swung immediately, his attack about as coordinated as a drunk raccoon trying to open a trash can.
Jaune walked past him. Again.
BOOM.
The mace buried itself in the ground. Again.
Coco paused immediately.
She pointed at the screen.
"Okay. At what point does this officially become sad?"
Velvet, laughing quietly, shook her head. "I think it already is."
Fox, who had not stopped shaking his head since the match restarted, grabbed a pillow and fucking screamed into it.
"SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP! THIS DUDE IS LITERALLY JUST HITTING THE FLOOR! THE FLOOR IS HIS ONLY OPPONENT!"
Coco wheezed, hit play, and waved a hand.
"Proceed."
Cardin, not learning from his repeated failures, yanked his weapon free and swung a second time.
Jaune tilted his head.
Miss.
Cardin, now visibly sweating, swung again.
Jaune leaned slightly the other way.
Miss.
Fox threw both arms into the air.
"STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP."
Velvet snorted, barely able to keep it together.
Coco, fucking crying, pointed at Fox.
"Do you need a break, champ?"
Fox, who had completely unspooled, turned his head toward her at whiplash speed.
"A BREAK?! I NEED A FUCKING PRIEST! I NEED A SPIRITUAL INTERVENTION!"
Yatsuhashi, head in his hands, groaned.
"…I need alcohol."
Fox, gripping his chest, turned toward him again.
"YOU DON'T DRINK."
Yatsuhashi, in the most defeated tone imaginable, muttered.
"I do now."
Coco, fucking gone, hit play again.
Cardin, realizing that brute force wasn't working, attempted a different angle.
He adjusted his stance.
Tightened his grip.
Shifted his weight.
Jaune, watching him, looked visibly unimpressed.
Then?
He just stuck out his foot.
Cardin fucking tripped. Again.
And this time?
It was even worse.
His boot caught on absolutely nothing, his own momentum betraying him in real-time.
His arms flailed like a fucking windmill caught in a hurricane.
His entire body collapsed like a demolished building.
THUMP.
Fox fell the fuck off the couch.
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, HE DIED. HE FUCKING DIED. WE JUST WITNESSED A LIVE EXECUTION."
Velvet, who had previously been trying to be composed, completely lost it.
Coco, unable to breathe, slammed a fist against the couch.
Yatsuhashi, who had officially given up, was rubbing his temples like this was physically causing him pain.
Fox, who was now on the floor, pointed weakly at the screen.
"HE WENT DOWN LIKE A FUCKING CORPSE. JUST BAM! GONE. GONE FOREVER. GOODBYE, CARDIN."
Coco, gasping for air, hit play one more time.
Jaune, expression unreadable, finally seemed to come to a conclusion.
He sighed.
He reached down.
And he grabbed Cardin's mace.
One-handed. Like it weighed absolutely fucking nothing.
Fox sat up so fast it looked like someone defibrillated him.
"NO. NO, STOP. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, STOP."
Jaune twisted his wrist, testing the weapon.
Then?
He fucking threw it.
Straight at Cardin's chest.
BAM.
Cardin left the ground. Again.
For a full, glorious second, he defied physics.
Then, like all things, he fell.
Hard.
OUTSIDE THE FUCKING RING.
Velvet covered her mouth, her ears standing straight up.
Fox, shaking violently, threw himself backward.
"THIS CAN'T BE REAL. THIS CAN'T BE FUCKING REAL."
Coco was curled over, laughing into her own lap.
Yatsuhashi, voice hollow, muttered.
"...We are watching a snuff film."
Fox, wild-eyed, grabbed his head.
"CARDIN IS GONE. HE HAS BEEN ERASED FROM HISTORY. WE JUST WATCHED HIS FAMILY TREE FUCKING WITHER."
Velvet, eyes wide, whispered.
"…I don't even feel bad anymore."
Coco, wiping away tears, smirked.
"Three more times, boys."
Fox, face-down in the carpet, let out a strangled wheeze.
"I AM ASCENDING."
Replay #5 – The Moment Fox Ascended
Coco hit rewind. Again.
The screen flickered, resetting to the beginning of what could only be described as the systematic annihilation of a man's self-worth.
Fox was no longer human.
He was bouncing on the couch, gripping the armrest like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the mortal plane.
Velvet, who had gone from horrified to entertained to outright gleeful, had her hands over her mouth, ears twitching like crazy.
Yatsuhashi, who had been suffering in abject silence for what felt like hours, just exhaled and leaned back against the wall, eyes closed like he was praying for deliverance.
Coco?
Coco was grinning so hard her cheeks hurt.
She licked her lips, adjusted her sunglasses, and cracked her knuckles.
"Alright. Fifth round."
Fox suddenly threw his arms out, wide-eyed and vibrating.
"THIS ONE NEEDS COMMENTARY. FULL COMMENTARY. ANNOUNCER-LEVEL COMMENTARY."
Coco grinned wider.
"Oh, say less."
She hit play.
The buzzer sounded.
Cardin stomped forward, once again blissfully unaware that he was walking straight into his own obituary.
Jaune Arc stepped forward, once again looking like a man who had just woken up and realized it was Monday.
Fox clapped his hands together, eyes locked on the screen.
"ALRIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME BACK TO THE MOST EMBARRASSING DISPLAY OF COMBAT IN HUMAN HISTORY!"
Yatsuhashi, who had clearly resigned himself to suffering, rubbed his temples.
"…I should've transferred."
Coco, laughing, cleared her throat and continued.
"IN ONE CORNER, WE HAVE THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE ABSOLUTE DUMBASS: CARDIN 'I DON'T LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES' WINCHESTER!"
Fox grabbed a throw pillow, holding it like a microphone.
"AND IN THE OTHER CORNER, WE HAVE HIS OPPONENT! THE DESTROYER OF DIGNITY! THE SULTAN OF SUFFERING! THE OVERLORD OF 'I'M NOT EVEN TRYING'—JAUNE ARC!"
Velvet fucking snorted, curling into herself laughing.
Fox jumped onto the couch, pointing aggressively at the screen.
"LET'S GET READY TO HUMILIATE!"
Replay #5 – The Attack That Was Never Going to Land
Cardin, for the fifth time, swung his mace like an absolute fucking moron.
Jaune just walked past him. Again.
Not dodging.
Not defending.
Just completely ignoring his existence.
BOOM.
The mace slammed into the floor, getting stuck like a giant metal tombstone marking the exact location where Cardin's credibility died.
Coco paused instantly, then pointed at the screen.
"BRO. BRO. BRO. THIS IS INSANE. I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I AM WITNESSING."
Fox, gripping the couch, screamed.
"FIVE TIMES. FIVE FUCKING TIMES. HOW IS THIS STILL HAPPENING?!"
Velvet, wheezing, wiped a tear from her eye.
"…This is so much worse than I thought it would be."
Yatsuhashi, head in his hands, groaned.
"This is psychological warfare."
Fox, who had already lost his last two brain cells, turned to him.
"BRO. BRO. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW."
Coco, cackling, hit play again.
Cardin, still refusing to understand that this fight was never going in his favor, yanked his weapon free and swung again.
Jaune tilted his head slightly.
Miss.
Cardin, visibly frustrated, swung again.
Jaune leaned slightly the other way.
Miss.
Fox, who had been counting, suddenly pointed at the screen.
"THAT'S TEN. THAT'S TEN STRAIGHT MISSES. CONGRATULATIONS, CARDIN. YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY ACHIEVED ABSOLUTE FUCKING ZERO."
Coco paused.
She turned toward Velvet, grinning.
"Vel, my dear, sweet bunny… does this look like a trained Huntsman-in-the-making?"
Velvet, finally breaking completely, clapped both hands over her face and fucking lost it.
Fox screamed.
"SHE'S GONE. SHE'S FUCKING GONE. VELVET HAS ASCENDED."
Yatsuhashi, leaning his head against the wall, muttered.
"…I am getting secondhand brain damage from this."
Fox, slamming a fist against the couch, wailed.
"WELCOME TO THE FUCKING CLUB, BIG GUY."
Coco, wiping tears from her eyes, hit play again.
Cardin, having exhausted every possible strategy that involved being an idiot, tried one last desperate attack.
Jaune sighed deeply, and without fanfare—
Stuck out his foot.
Cardin tripped like a goddamn Jenga tower missing its bottom row.
Not just a stumble.
Not just a misstep.
A full, brutal, merciless fucking faceplant.
THUMP.
Fox fucking collapsed onto the floor.
"MOTHERFUCKER FELL FASTER THAN MY GPA."
Velvet, who had officially gone feral, had her forehead pressed against the table, shaking violently.
Coco, gasping for air, wheezed out—
"IT WAS A FOOT. NOT A TRIPWIRE. NOT A TACKLE. A FUCKING FOOT."
Fox, flailing like a drowning man, grabbed a couch cushion and screamed into it.
"CARDIN, PLEASE. PLEASE STOP EXISTING. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF DUST, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND NEVER GET UP AGAIN."
Yatsuhashi, voice hollow, whispered.
"…This is a hate crime."
Coco hit play immediately.
Jaune, exhaling sharply, finally decided that enough was enough.
He reached down.
And picked up Cardin's mace.
With one hand. Effortlessly.
Fox, lying flat on his back, let out the most defeated noise imaginable.
"Oh my fucking god, he's gonna do it again."
Jaune spun the weapon once, considering his options.
Then?
He chucked it straight at Cardin's chest.
Full force.
BAM.
Cardin left the ground.
For a full second.
Then?
Gravity said 'no.'
And Cardin?
Fucking crashed outside the ring.
The arena fell into stunned silence.
The dorm room exploded.
Fox was actually crying, kicking his legs like a fucking toddler.
"I CAN'T TAKE IT. I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT. I'M GONNA DIE. I AM GOING TO DIE."
Velvet was openly sobbing with laughter, gripping the table.
Coco was wiping her fucking eyes, breathless.
Yatsuhashi, who had nothing left to give, sighed.
"...One more time."
Fox let out an inhuman screech.
"YESSSSSSSSS."
Replay #6 – The Ascension of Madness
Coco hit rewind.
For the sixth and final time, the screen reset back to the beginning of this absolute shitshow of a fight.
Fox?
Fox was fucking feral.
His entire body was vibrating like he had been personally plugged into a power grid.
Velvet?
Velvet was wheezing, completely hunched over the table, ears twitching out of control.
Yatsuhashi?
Yatsuhashi had entered a stage of suffering that no man should ever have to endure. His arms were crossed, his head was tilted back against the wall, and his face looked like a man contemplating life's worst decisions.
Coco?
Coco was having the time of her fucking life.
She leaned forward, one arm draped over the back of the couch, a knowing smirk on her face.
"Oh, we're not just watching this last one."
She tapped the screen.
"This one? We are analyzing it."
Fox, who had already lost his grip on reality four replays ago, let out a slow, shaky breath.
Then?
He stood the fuck up.
He grabbed the closest available object—a remote—and held it like a microphone.
He turned toward the group, his face deadly serious.
"THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE FINAL RIDE. THE LAST DANCE. THE EPILOGUE TO THE MOST EMBARRASSING FIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF BEACON ACADEMY."
Velvet, still recovering, clapped both hands over her face and shook her head.
Yatsuhashi, who had not moved in five minutes, muttered.
"...Dust help us all."
Coco hit play.
The buzzer sounded.
Cardin stomped forward, all fake bravado and even faker skill.
Jaune Arc stepped forward, already looking like he wanted to leave.
Fox, gripping his 'microphone,' cleared his throat.
Then, in the most professional announcer voice imaginable—
"AND HERE WE GO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! FOR THE FINAL TIME, WE WITNESS THE FUNERAL OF CARDIN WINCHESTER'S DIGNITY!"
Coco immediately jumped in, matching his energy.
"IN THIS CORNER, STANDING AT 'PLEASE MAKE IT STOP' FEET TALL, WE HAVE THE SCHOOL BULLY, THE CLASSROOM CLOWN, THE MAN WHO CAN'T HIT A TARGET EVEN IF IT'S STANDING COMPLETELY STILL—CARDIN 'CAN'T SWING FOR SHIT' WINCHESTER!"
Velvet, fucking wheezing, pointed at the screen.
"Oh my god, look at his face!"
Cardin was already sweating.
Yatsuhashi, without opening his eyes, muttered.
"…He knows he's about to die."
Fox cackled, then switched to a hushed, dramatic whisper.
"And in the other corner… standing at 'I'm so bored I might take a nap' feet tall… the man who has yet to break a sweat… THE UNDISPUTED KING OF 'THIS ISN'T WORTH MY TIME'—JAUNE FUCKING ARC!"
Velvet slapped the table, barely breathing.
Coco hit play.
Cardin, unaware that he was about to get his soul removed from his body, swung immediately.
Jaune?
Walked past him.
BOOM.
The mace slammed into the ground like the last remaining hope of his ancestors.
Coco paused instantly, shaking her head.
She pointed at Velvet.
"Alright. Sweetheart. Baby bunny. Tell me… what's wrong with this picture?"
Velvet, barely able to function, let out a strangled wheeze.
"…He's… he's not even looking at him!"
Fox, fucking screaming, grabbed a couch cushion and hurled it across the room.
"HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HE'S NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING HIS EXISTENCE."
Coco hit play again.
Replay #6 – The World Record for Missing Every Single Attack
Cardin, like a goddamn lunatic, yanked his weapon free and swung again.
Jaune tilted his head.
Miss.
Cardin, now visibly pissed, swung harder.
Jaune leaned the other way.
Miss.
Fox dropped to his knees.
"STOP. STOP. JUST FUCKING STOP."
Cardin, now outright desperate, swung with everything he had.
Jaune sighed.
Miss.
Fox screamed into his hands.
"WE'RE AT FOURTEEN. FOURTEEN STRAIGHT MISSES. THIS MAN HAS BETTER ODDS OF WINNING THE LOTTERY THAN LANDING A HIT."
Yatsuhashi, who looked like he aged five years, muttered.
"…I need an escape."
Coco hit play.
Jaune, expression blank, moved.
Not a strike.
Not a counter.
Just… a foot.
Cardin tripped like his entire existence had just been unplugged.
Face-first.
No hesitation.
Full collapse.
THUMP.
Fox threw himself onto the floor, kicking his legs like a fucking toddler.
"HE FELL AGAIN. HE FELL AGAIN. HE FELL AGAIN. HE FELL A-FUCKING-GAIN."
Velvet, tears streaming down her face, just kept whispering,
"Why does this keep happening?"
Coco wheeze-laughed into a pillow.
Fox, rolling onto his stomach, turned to Yatsuhashi.
"BIG GUY. BIG GUY. YOU STILL WITH US?"
Yatsuhashi, who had officially lost all hope in the human race, exhaled.
"…This is my villain origin story."
Coco, wiping away tears, hit play.
Jaune, bored as hell, picked up the mace.
One-handed.
Fox, *who was already broken, started shaking.
"OH NO. OH NO. OH NO. HE'S GONNA DO IT. HE'S GONNA FUCKING DO IT."
Jaune spun the weapon once, testing the weight.
Then?
He threw it.
Straight at Cardin's chest.
BAM.
Cardin left the goddamn ground.
For one, perfect, soul-liberating second.
Then?
Gravity won.
And Cardin?
Fucking crashed. OUTSIDE THE RING.
Fox fucking screamed.
"THAT'S IT. THAT'S FUCKING IT. THIS MAN IS FINISHED. HE IS GONE. ERASED. HIS LIFE BAR JUST FUCKING DEPLETED."
Velvet was slumped over, completely broken from laughter.
Coco collapsed into the couch, face buried in her arms.
Yatsuhashi, who had fully accepted his suffering, muttered.
"...I need to go lie down."
Fox, gasping for air, pointed at the screen.
"RUN IT BACK. RUN IT THE FUCK BACK."
Coco, grinning ear-to-ear, stretched out her arms.
"Sorry, big guy. That was the last one."
Fox, still on the floor, twitched violently.
"I AM HAVING WITHDRAWALS."
Velvet, giggling, sighed.
"...That was the best thing I've ever seen."
Coco smirked.
"Oh, bunny. This is just the beginning."
Told Y'all it will be excessive. Chapter 5 is being worked on. Please enjoy this chaotic mess.