Betrayer's Legacy
Author's Note: This is not part of the canon MCU universe but it fits here well enough. :3
~ Rivana Rita
He still aches, a new layer of scars to the countless others from battle after battle, the wars to protect Asgard and his sons that never end. Thor had saved his life. He saved the entire kingdom from a war that Odin had hoped his sons would never have to see. A war he tried so hard to shield them from.
He still can't see from his left eye. Elderstahl's fire hit it well, and it's relatively unlikely he'll see with that eye ever again.
Still recovering, mostly sleeping – but Odin knows it must be nearing nightfall. Thor came in to speak with him earlier this afternoon with the promise that Loki would be coming later.
It's only soft, fate breathing that gives up Loki's presence, and the slight dip in the mattress beside Odin's arm – his son came in earlier, while he slept.
Finally.
His last memories before fully fading into unconsciousness was Loki clinging to him, the crashing of battle somewhere in the distance as Thor fought Algrim.
Loki killed him.
He, too, saved Asgard.
Algrim is dead. A friend and advisor for years, the man who long gave all of them council as Odin's sons grew.
According to Thor, Loki has scarcely spoken to anyone since, not as though Odin could expect anything differently.
He's dozing, likely has been for a while.
But he came, which means he's ready to see him again.
Odin raises his hand, his arm still relentlessly throbbing at moving, but he gently pats Loki's head. His son gasps sharply, jolting up, green eyes wide – he hadn't meant for Odin to wake.
But he still came.
His brown hair is messy, uncombed, likely since he and Thor first departed from Asgard. He looks tired, worn with a weighted grief that he should never have had to carry.
Even Odin had not been able to kill Algrim.
Loki had. He hit him with a blast of Elderstahl, burned him to ash, and it destroyed him.
"Son."
Loki's face crumples, eyes flooding with tears. "I'm sorry."
Odin had never known which of his sons would be king. That was to be seen as they grew, on which of them was fit for the throne – Thor has the strength, though he is reckless. But through the course of the last few days, as Algrim said, his actions had real consequences, and he's learned much. Thor was right that Loki is the one with the careful cunning, the logic, the sense – but when Odin sees him now, he hopes Loki will never be ready for it. He knows, in his heart, that he could never choose him. Kingship carries a burden, one that Thor will perhaps never understand the true weight of, but Loki is soft.
He always has been. Too soft, too gentle, too caring.
The throne would destroy him. Selfish or no, he never wants that to change.
"I'm sorry I knew we shouldn't have gone to Jotunheim, that it would end in chaos, but we still..."
"I know, Loki." Guilt is a familiar emotion – there are always regrets in life, but how to help Loki deal with the guilt of killing someone so close to each of them, Odin doesn't know. Frigga would have known if she were here. But she has been gone for even longer than Algrim. "I, too, lament the destruction of his people."
Loki's breathing hitches. "I killed him."
"You saved my life, and, perhaps, Thor's."
"And I became what he was. A monster."
"You are not a monster, Loki," Odin tells him firmly. "You did what you thought was right, and perhaps, it truly was."
"But... I killed him."
As though everyone is not eventually forced to make a choice they will regret for eternity. But Loki is young, and he has not seen that yet. Odin fought in wars, to bring peace to the Nine, in the hopes his sons would never be faced with the reality of such a burden. "He threatened our world, our people. With his rage, even were he imprisoned, he would have eventually found a way."
"He shouldn't have had to die," Loki whispers.
To Odin, it's simple – a threat is a threat, and must be eliminated, and he understands it as such, no matter what his own feelings on the matter are. The kingdom will always come ahead of whomever it is that he loves. That has always been true. Kingship comes with that burden eternally.
Though, he, too, mourns Algrim, and what could have been. He knows the destruction of the Dark Elves was a fault of his own, in part, though he had to make the choice to protect all the rest of the Nine Realms. The most he could do was grant protection to the sole survivor. It lasted until Algrim's betrayal, and even then, Odin had hesitated.
Loki is the one who now bears the guilt instead. He should never have been the one to take on the sword. He is not meant for warfare.
Odin was raised believing that being a good king meant being the best warrior, and now he knows that, despite how intrinsic a part of their life it is, there are other ways to lead. Kingship isn't about victory – it's about saving lives.
A lesson Thor has learned well today.
Also a lesson Loki has always known.
He has been too protective of them. Odin can see that now. He has shielded them both too much. Algrim was right. It is the need to keep ones close that eventually pushes them away. And what hurts them the worst.
"Algrim's choices are what lead to his own death, not yours."
"But, his people –"
Algrim must have told them. Around when he slaughtered many of the greatest Einherjar, probably. "When the Dark Elves came to Asgard for aid in their war on Jotunheim, I had to decline. It came at the expense of his people, but as king of Asgard, it was my duty to protect ours."
"At the cost of his?"
"No. Even our combined strength could not have overcome that of Jotunheim."
Loki slumps beside him. He swipes at his face again. He is still crying – Odin has witnessed few of Loki's breakdowns in recent years, but he knows that when he cries, he cries a lot. And Odin inevitably is lost at what to do. One would think a being referred to as the all-father would have the wisdom with which to raise two, though Algrim is right that Loki and Thor are nothing of normal children. "And ours live, while the last of the Dark Elves are gone forever."
"Such is the price of war." Truthfully, there is no more to say, because war always comes at brutal costs.
"I miss him," Loki whispers, rubbing his left hand.
Everyone will. Algrim was loved here. He had friends. He was a part of their family. He has lived on Asgard for hundreds of years. They were his people, too. "He will be mourned."
"Yes. But grief won't return him."
"No. It will not." Kingship is about brutal honesty as well, even if neither of his sons – Thor especially – hold appreciation for it.
Loki sighs again, head lowering back to Odin's bedside. It reminds him of times when his sons were younger, when Loki was still little enough to sleep beside him, when he was younger and innocent and still too small to grow into his magic.
He still does not fancy blades, unlike Thor.
Loki is not one for war. He never has been, and this guilt will carry him for eternity. This is why Odin had tried to shelter him so deeply, but it was such which led to Loki's leaving Asgard, and all that followed. There are no words which are enough to comfort him.
He will spare Loki the lie of saying all will be well.
It will not be.
But still, he will allow Loki to sleep here, if that is what he wishes. Perhaps it's what he needs – an assurance that someone remains to protect him, though Odin will admit that he has done so very little as of late. Regrets will never change the past, and will do little to aid the future.
Though one regret he does not have is the day he took Loki from Jotunheim, took him in as his own – he has settled here, perhaps better than he ever could have in the brutality of the Frost Giant's way. He would have died, had he stayed. He has wondered many a time if he made a mistake in not telling Loki of his true race and parentage.
When Odin sees how his son is already falling apart in front of him, when he knows the deep hatred Loki feels towards that people, likely even more now, he knows Loki should never bear the burden of that truth. It is something best hidden and forgotten forever.
**w**
"This is stupid."
"It is not!" Thor protests, "If you learn to wield a blade, if we are ever attacked again, you know how to defend us."
"I don't – For the last time, brother, I do not wish to learn to use a weapon." He went through some training, though minimal. He lacks Thor's strength, and it is not a way he could ever compete or begin to compare with his brother in. Not that Thor's sword skills are the greatest in the Nine. Sif was right about that.
He ever wants to see a sword again, actually. Not after Algrim.
Not after Elderstahl.
Every time he holds a blade in his hand, all he can remember is the weight of Elderstahl, the flames on the blade, the blast of fire. The scream.
Algrim, his best friend, his...
He helped raise them.
Whenever Loki was struggling, it was always Algrim who came to him, or who he went to. The battle with the Frost Giants and the Dark Elves raged shortly around Thor's birth, before Loki's. Algrim has been there his entire life. He holds more memories of him than he does of Frigga.
And right there, in the spur of a moment, Loki killed him. He hadn't thought. He's supposed to be good at thinking, the one who doesn't slip or fail when Thor does.
Or maybe he did.
Maybe Thor was wrong for hesitating, but...
And if he actually is trained with this, who's to say he won't hurt someone else?
"I realized for the first time how unsafe Asgard and all the Nine Realms truly are," Thor tells him, "If something were to..."
"You won't always be there to protect me. I know. So I told you." Loki looks down at the sword again. The weight is wrong. It feels wrong, and he wants to throw it down, to get its weight out of his hand. It's cold and metal, and it doesn't radiate with the same magic, but he still never wants to touch it again.
They shouldn't have left Asgard. He should've stopped Thor, told someone, maybe, but Thor was so adamant, and Loki just... followed him. Blindly. Because he had no idea he'd start a war and get his best friend killed. As though Odin would not have ordered them to remain on Asgard if there were not a good reason for it?
"I cannot forgive this betrayal, Algrim. But I cannot forget the many years you were my friend... and my family."
"Yes." Thor rebalances himself, perfectly ready for another stupid spar. Loki can't even get this weapon straight in his hands yet. He's not trying. "You were right. We're royalty. We weren't trained for this. But perhaps we should change that here."
"If I learn to use this," Loki bursts out finally, waving the sword hilt at his brother's face, "Who will stop me next time?"
"Loki..."
Why does he have to say it like that? Like it's a prayer? Like repeating Loki's name is somehow going to make him able to trust himself or anyone else ever again. His best friend tried to kill his father and brother, and then Loki killed him. He can't walk these halls without remembering who should be here and isn't. Without remembering his brother fighting Algrim and all Loki could do was sit there, terrified, clinging to Odin as his father's life slowly faded. Then the room was dark and everything was dark, and all he could think of was "if you return home, I'll bury you in the ashes of Asgard!" and he just –
Snapped.
The sword had been lying right there, flames flickering and singing the floor, and Loki had thought of the Einherjar and Ander and Father and he just stopped thinking.
And it wasn't until Algrim was gone, until there wasn't even a body left to be buried because everything was burned by the fire that he'd just been left standing there, over the ashes of it all, with nothing but Thor and the darkness all around, until he realized what he did.
Not until he was standing there, blade ablaze in his hand when he realized he just murdered someone, not just any someone, Algrim, their friend, the last of the Dark Elves. Even lost in his brother's embrace, with the sword once again in Thor's hand (the warmth too close blazing right by his hip but it was Thor's hand so it should've been safe but it somehow wasn't), it had still hurt.
Thor was right. The blade was a curse. It only brings pain and death.
"Maybe you shouldn't have given it back to the Frost Giants. It should've been destroyed."
"A power that great? Can that be done?"
"Perhaps someday, I'll find a way to."
It all had hurt then, but when his brother left as the ground shuddered and bits of ceiling fell around them, there it had begun to feel real.
That Algrim was dead.
That Loki had...
Learning a sword won't bring him back.
It clangs loudly when Loki flings it to the floor. "If I have to fight, there are other ways to do so."
And then he flees. From the weapons. From Thor. From the palace.
But there is nowhere in the universe that Algrim's ghost can't find him.
**w**
"How do you know where to find me?" His brother sits, leaning against the throne's armrest, face tired, brown curls still messily falling across his forehead.
Still.
When did he last comb them? That he has done nothing to tame them says enough of his state.
"When I don't know where to find you, I look here."
"Perhaps you have some magic of your own, then."
"Loki."
"Why do you always say my name as though it would alter the fate of the universe?" Loki's hand flicks up, freezing the serpent he's forged out of water. "It won't."
Perhaps his brother truly was not up to learning weaponry. Thor thought it would help, though he's starting to realize more and more that his needs are not the same as his brother's. Loki is... well, he's Loki. And Thor is Thor. He wishes they could always be the same, but this has perhaps set in stone the impossibility.
That won't stop him from trying.
Loki had tried, too, when Thor had lashed out with the very same sword, starting a war. No matter how accidental. Loki had been the one to warn him, to worry, and Thor had dragged him on, anyway.
He's half the reason Loki is in this mess.
"It had been you who tried to keep us from going to Jotunheim. That was where all of this truly began. We all made mistakes."
"You were not the one who made the choice to kill him."
"And yet, I am the one who brought us to Jotunheim to retrieve the sword. We should have left it." Though, in truth, Thor now knows that Algrim would have eventually found a time to turn on them. If he were so willing to kill each and every one of them, no matter how close they were, he would have done so eventually.
The pain doesn't lift. He doesn't think it ever truly will – loss never stops hurting.
The betrayal is what will make this io much harder to forget.
And now, here he is, standing in the doorway of the temple Loki keeps going to hide in, completely at a loss of words, because there are no words that can make up for what was lost.
He had told Odin that Loki would be fine, but seeing him again, as they try to live through the aftermath of Algrim's betrayal, Thor is starting to have his doubts.
There are no words for how he loves his brother, for how it's his smile and his laugh that shine brighter than Asgard's suns. And now, here he is, thinking of the last time Loki actually smiled, and it was so long ago. He may have mood swings, but he's a little ball of sunshine, and he's been so silent and withdrawn.
Thor had promised to keep him safe, and he failed.
"Algrim's choice made him a monster. But I did the same, and... that made me a hero. That doesn't seem fair."
"Then you must know that he would not hold your actions against you."
The ice serpent shatters, pieces clanking to the floor again, and Loki waves them away into mist. His magic is good. Maybe that is truly all the defense he needs. Thor has thought too little of it. "That is why I do."
"We'll get through this," Thor vows, "Do you remember, years ago, when Mother died? It had seemed so impossible to keep living. But we did. And we will now, too. Somehow, we're going to have to find a way to live with this, but we can still do it as we always have. Together."
Loki stands from the throne he was slouched on, approaching Thor. His eyes are misty. If he's going to cry again, and Thor is going stay with him this time. Last, after Algrim's death, with the palace falling and his people dying, with the Frost Giants at their door, he had no choice but to. And he'd left Loki there, crying, alone, because he didn't have time for anything else. He understands now what the burden rulership is, how careless he has always been and how much Odin shielded them both.
He holds his arms out to Loki, who instantly melts into them, arms wrapping around Thor's neck as he clings to him. He's so small. And cold. How was he not cold on Jotunheim? Thor was freezing. Is his magic that good? Not that Thor doubts. Loki is good. He saved their lives so many times.
And truthfully, only Loki would so deeply mourn the death of someone who harmed them so much.
Thor just... wishes he would be okay. If only there were something that he could do to help. "It's going to be alright," he promises, squeezing Loki tighter. "Just let me be here for you, like you always were for me."
Loki clings to him tighter, and for a few moments, Thor almost believes that everything will be.
**w**
There is nothing he can do to undo what was done, to bring back the life that he took, and all Loki can do now is try to find a way to live. Though first, he needs to convince himself he's worthy of it.
He thinks of Svartalfheim constantly, of how the world is drowned in ice.
And there may truly be nothing he can do, but Algrim's world deserves better, if he can do nothing for the elf himself.
Loki does figure it out alone.
But Thor comes with him, anyway.
They go back. Back to where it started. Back to the frozen world, the land frozen in forever unmalting glaciers.
Loki starts at the edges, where the Frost Giants won't notice his work, calling on his magic as he turns the ice into air, one bit at a time.
With the never-ending search for the Sword of Surtur complete, they make a new yearly quest. To free this world if its eternal winter, and he won't stop until it's done.
I cried like a baby while writing this. Come onnn. It's not so sad *continues sobbing*
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