For Lack of an Insult

Chapter 1

"Come Darcy," said Mr. Bingley, "I must have you dance. I hate to see you standing about by yourself in this stupid manner. You had much better dance."

"I certainly shall not. You know how I detest it, unless I am particularly acquainted with my partner. At such an assembly as this it would be insupportable. Your sisters are engaged and there is not another woman in this room whom it would not be a punishment to me to stand up with."

"I would not be so fastidious as you are," cried Mr. Bingley, "for a kingdom! Upon my honor I never met with so many pleasant girls in my life as I have this evening, and there are several of them you see uncommonly pretty."

"You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room," said Mr. Darcy, looking at the eldest Miss Bennet.

"Oh! She is the most beautiful creature I ever beheld! But there is one of her sisters sitting down just behind you, who is very pretty, and I dare say very agreeable. Do let me ask my partner to introduce you."

"Which do you mean?" and turning round he looked for a moment at the young lady, till catching her eye, he withdrew his own and started to say, "She is…"

At just this moment, Miss Bingley stormed over to the gentlemen and latched onto her brother's arm.

"Charles, we must go! I can no longer stand the company of these country mushrooms. No manners, no fashion, so insipid they all are! I want to leave. Now."

At this, Mr. Darcy took the chance to escape his friend and retreated to the edge of the assembly room. He stood near a potted plant, a few chairs down from the seated lady. She stared straight ahead and did not seem inclined to bother him; he thought he had found the perfect spot to see, yet not been seen, as he preferred at occasions such as this.

He could still hear his friend and his sister. "Caroline, we only just arrived and have been introduced to the principal families. I have enjoyed dancing with the eldest Miss Lucas and Miss Bennet. I have no intention of leaving until the end of the evening. Go find your sister and you two can sit in the corner and gossip for all I care. It would be rude to leave so early." With that, he turned away from his sister and she stomped away to find her sister, who she deemed was the only person worth speaking with in the entire assembly. Well, other than Mr. Darcy of course, but he always seemed to be hard to locate at assemblies such as this.

Mr. Bingley sought out Sir Lucas to continue to be introduced to the young ladies of Meryton and intended to dance several more times the rest of the night. At this point he was trying to decide if he could, nay should, ask the delightful eldest Miss Bennet to dance a second. As a man raised to be a gentleman, even if he was not yet so since he had yet to purchase an estate, he knew dancing a second dance with a lady sent a clear signal of his intention to forward their acquaintance. He was not formed for lowering his spirits by mulling over such weighty problems in a ballroom, so he decided to just enjoy himself and see where the evening took him.

Back in his corner, Mr. Darcy cringed when two of the other Bennet sisters sought out the one seated near him. He was sure they were there to twitter behind their fans, make eyes at him and attempt to convince him to dance with one of them. It was the same at every assembly and ball he had attended the past ten years. He was quite astonished when they ignored him and sat down on either side of the Bennet daughter and began speaking quickly to her.

"John Lucas swears that Puck was the mischievous character in the Tempest, but I told him that Puck was in "As You Like It", said the taller of the two.

"And I told him Puck was from "All's Well That Ends Well," replied the other sister.

"You two!" the first Bennet sister said with exasperation. "Did you even read the plays I assigned to you? I think a little less time with bonnets and a little more time with the Bard is called for!"

The other two seemed resigned to their future task as they both quietly responded, "Sorry Lizzy."

"Alright, so, Puck in A Midsummer's Night Dream, is also known as Robin Goodfellow. He is a mischievous fairy and servant to Oberon, the fairy king. His trickery and witty asides form much of the story line. Ariel is the sprite in The Tempest and Touchstone was the fool in As You Like It. You're thinking of a character only known as The Clown in All's Well That Ends Well. I can see how you can get these characters confused. I am not sure what they are teaching Mr. Lucas at Eton, but I doubt he pays as much attention as he should. Such a waste. If I were lucky enough to get to go to Eton, I would surely pay better attention."

"Silly Lizzy, girls do not go to Eton, they go to…" here, she paused for dramatic effect and said with an exaggerated sigh, "seminaries, where they develop a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing and the modern languages. She also must learn a proper manner of walking and to modulate the tone of her voice, addresses and expressions." By the end of this soliloquy all three of the sisters were laughing.

Her other sister interrupted. "Or she could just attend the Lizzy Bennet School for Gentlewomen and Silly Sisters and learn something useful like Shakespeare, crop rotation and ledgers."

"Oh, you two! Be off with you. Remind Mr. Lucas that he promised me a dance this evening. Saltemus!" She motioned for her sisters to go enjoy themselves. They quickly translated her Latin as they ambled off "Let us dance!"

Mr. Darcy had been privy to this entire conversation and was intrigued. This young lady, Lizzy, or he assumed more properly, Miss Elizabeth, was obviously well educated. He was well acquainted with all of Shakespeare's plays through his studies at Eton and Cambridge and was quite surprised when the younger sisters could translate Latin so quickly, although he assumed that "saltemus", that is," let us dance", was probably a popular saying among young ladies, although he knew none who would be spouting it in Latin at an assembly.

He was rethinking his determination to not dance this evening, except the required dances with Bingley's sisters. If this young lady was as well educated as was intimated by the previous discussion, she might be worth a half hour's conversation. Asking her to dance would not be such a chore as the more he looked at her, the more he realized that she really was quite pretty. With her peach complexion, long brown, slightly curly hair, pleasing figure, full lips and fine eyes, it really would not be a chore to stand up with her.

Just as he had decided to ask her to dance, another very young man came up to her, bowed solemnly and with every proper manner asked her to dance. She stood, curtsied deeply and placed her hand in his. He almost felt like he was watching a play. Their manners were well rehearsed, like they did this at every assembly for mirth rather than attraction. He wondered if this was the aforementioned Mr. John Lucas, Sir Lucas's son he would imagine. The couple took their places in the dance and bowed and curtsied in an exaggerated manner, both of them nearly giggling at the motions.

He watched their animated dance and heard snippets of their conversation. They discussed his studies at Eton, the confusion of the Shakespearean characters from before, the latest treatise she had read on new types of rye and wheat and whether the food at Eton was as good as at home. What surprised him the most was that most of their discussion was in Latin! Mr. Darcy did not detect any tender feelings between the two dancers, and for some reason, that set his mind at ease. This young man could not even be seven and ten, he assumed they had known each other all their lives and this was just a silly tradition for the two, at least he hoped so. Her parting salvo chided her partner for his inattention to his studies and reminded him how lucky he was to get to go away to school and study with masters the likes of which Meryton would never see. He seemed appropriately chastised and promised to do better. He walked her over to the chair where she had been previously, they bowed and curtsied in their animated way and he left the area.