Naruto Uzumaki: Unwilling Medium
Chapter 3: I See Dead Shinobi
AN
Oof, there's been an interesting gap between updates. My hand has been injured (though it is recovering nicely, not burned for once, just battered, lol), the family visited and, of course, argued, and work is kicking my ass. But aha, I have updated it and am making exciting progress on DiA.
The good news is that I am enjoying this story and am excited to introduce our fourth member of the main cast. I used to absolutely love the first Naruto Shippuden movie, more than I probably should have. Looking back the movie isn't groundbreaking, yet does have that distinct Naruto vibe I've come to love. Enjoyed Shion, the team used, and enjoyed the challenge Shion presented for Naruto and his ideals. But just never found a super clean or justified way of including her in DiA. But in NUUM, she'll fit in nicely.
Also, a reminder: These are not necessarily accurate portrayals of characters or subject matter. It is intentional; we're having some fun here. And of course I do not condone any actions or words, said or done by the characters of NUUM. Disclaimer out the way, let's have some fun.
Enjoy~!
Hours Later - Late Evening - Naruto
Why was Naruto's life so damn unfair? He had already spent a whole day running for his life, scared shitless, and now was roughing in the woods. He just came back from doing that! As much as Naruto would love to solve this his normal way, it just wasn't an option. Naruto hated ghosts, and his fear had only been justified after Shikamaru's attempts to stop it. If a genius couldn't figure it out then what chance did he have? Some sort of creepy ghost, a manifestation of a powerful curse, was stalking him, and he couldn't hurt it, though based on it opening his dumpster earlier, it had no such problems for him. At least the Kyuubi wasn't chasing him around, hell the Akatsuki had been less of a threat so far. Just why did problems love finding him?!
Their pursuer seemed relentless. Despite how far they ran or how fast, it always trailed off them, just a bit behind. While certainly terrifying, the one saving grace seemed to be that the spirit couldn't keep up with them at full speed. So, after a day of spirited travel, they had a great time and were drawing close to their destination, a sacred shrine where they believed they could find a way to rid Naruto of the ghostly curse. Naruto didn't relax however, the day had proven the ghost would not rest till it reached him.
Though Naruto did allow some hope to stay with him, he was asking his newest friend for aid. It hadn't been that long since he had last seen Shion. Their first and last meeting had been chaotic, to say the least. Naruto, Neji, Sakura, Lee, and her had fought, and they managed to stop a maniacal demon lord. Naruto and Shion had clashed, their conflicting personalities and goals creating a tense dynamic. Which looking back had almost cost them all their lives. The blonde wondered how she had changed after her victory. During most of their adventure, she had mistreated him until he had won her over, in his opinion with raw charisma, but he was sure saving her helped. By the end, she had even seemed downright friendly; which side would he see now?
His thoughts as they traveled were interrupted when he noticed that both Shikamaru and Hinata were slowing down considerably. The Nara wheezed and complained of needing a smoke, and while Hinata seemed determined to continue, Naruto didn't miss her occasional stumble between branches. The two were worn out. But were withholding that information from him.
Guilt crashed upon Naruto's shoulders as he realized what had happened. These two were helping him with a problem his team didn't know was real. They had now spent the day running for their lives all for him. From what Naruto had seen, the ghost was only interested in him; was it right for him to involve them? And yet here they were, loyaling helping him travel the Elemental Nations on a whim…
"Yo Shikamaru! Hinata!" Naruto bellowed as he paused on the latest branch he had landed on. Hinata landed next to him gracefully, as Shikamaru collapsed in a heap next to them. "I think we should call it a night! We surely put some distance between us and that damn ghost! I could use a break, you guys?"
"Thank Kami…" Shikamaru agreed breathlessly. "If we ran for even another hundred feet, I'd probably die. This is so much more of a drag than I thought." Naruto felt a pang of guilt about his answer.
"Are you sure, Naruto?" Hinata asked sweetly. "This foe of ours seems determined to catch you, so I think it would be wise to keep moving."
"Please, no!" Shikamaru begged, shameless in his want to rest.
"For once, the bum is right," Naruto concluded with a satisfied nod. "We've been going nonstop for nearly the full day. We're most of the way there anyway. Taking some rest will make sure we're ready for whatever the Lands of Demons brings.
"If you say so, Naruto, it is your choice." Hinata decided hesitantly with a nod. "The ghost seems to want you after all. Rest assured I will support you in any e-endeavor!"
"Finally, some logic on this nonsensical day." Shikamaru quipped, seeming to have caught his breath. "We should find somewhere relatively hidden. We don't know if it can track us, but if were resting it won't hurt to try. Whatever it is, it doesn't seem bound by our laws. That is to say, likely it won't matter, but it'll be worth the effort regardless, while this "ghost" seems to be a threat, the real one is local shinobi. I doubt they'll appreciate Leaf shinobi creeping around their turf."
"I keep telling you it's a ghost! Besides, if any wanna be shinobi show up I can finally kick some ass! The people are waiting!"
"And I keep telling you it's not real. Not even gonna acknowledge that lost point. We. Must. Be. Cautious; Hinata, can you use your eyes to scan the area? If we can find a cave or something, it would work perfectly. Maybe even allow us to defend the position." Shikamaru reasoned. "Also would allow me to enjoy my w-... tobacco. Need to take off the edge."
Naruto nodded his head happily at the plan. He and Shikamaru had known each other for years, and though Naruto wouldn't call them best friends. They did get along pretty damn well, and Shikamaru always seemed less annoyed by him than others. Though his sarcasm made up with such. It had been an easy choice to ask for his aid. Naruto knew no one as composed or intelligent as him, after all. And as ever, Shikamaru despite his sarcasm was a big softy.
Though there was an awkward stretch of silence after his request. Naruto blinked in surprise. "Hinata? Did you not hear him? We can use my clones if you can't see it, but it'll probably take longer. "
"Oh, of course, Naruto-kun!" Hinata agreed amicably, and Naruto's mood grew further. "Byakugan!" Hinata truly was the friend he never knew he had! She had been supportive, respectful, and seemed to always hear him out. The rest of his friends could take some notes!
"Did she just plainly ignore me?" Shikamaru asked incredulously.
"Come on, Shika, she obviously just missed it. Right, Hinata?" Naruto asked.
"If you say so, Naruto." Hinata agreed.
"See?" Naruto gestured with a smile. "Now, do you see anything, Hinata?"
"There seems to be a small uninhabited cave two hundred feet to our southeast. It's covered in thick shrubbery, so it should be hard to discover, assuming the ghost can't sense our position. At the very least it would be good for my eyes to scan occasionally. I would be able to see it coming long before it arrived." Hinata informed dutifully. Should we head towards it?"
Naruto grinned widely as he summoned ten clones, five to garner water and firewood and another five to gather safe and easy food like mushrooms and berries. Maybe fish if they found a river. "Sounds perfect. The clones are off to gather supplies."
"Fine at this point, wherever works." Shikamaru consented with a sigh.
Hinata led them towards this unseen cave; it was as inconspicuous of a spot as one could hope for. Thick leafy bushes surrounded it, further thickened by two small trees growing in their place. The group slowly snaked their way through, not wishing to disturb their cover much. The cave entrance was small; the three had to kneel to enter. Water dripped from its edges from an unseen source, running along its edges deeper into the cave. As they entered the cave's main chamber, it was thankfully mostly dry. Save for a corner where the water pooled into a small pond. Its wall reached high up enough for them to stand, and the group tenderly sat upon the cold stone that would be their resting place. It didn't stay unhomely for long however.
The three of them worked quickly, his clones making the set-up of their campsite relatively easy. Soon, a small fire raged within the cave. Above, it roasted several fish his clones had managed to catch and a small pile of wild berries. The group settled into their campsite, the heat from the flames slowly warming it up. And the comfort of the three creates a relaxed atmosphere. This was nicer than most campsites Naruto had been to, he never liked tents much.
Naruto frowned as he surveyed his supplies. He was not prepared for travel, and none of them were. Supplies were low, and they couldn't even be certain his plan would work. If Shion wouldn't or couldn't aid them, this risky venture would be for nothing. And they'd be left far from home and critically low on supplies.
His eyes settled upon Shikamaru, who shuffled through his pockets, pulling out a metal pipe, lighter, and a black plastic bag. The Nara smiled contently as he packed his pipe and lit it, inhaling deeply before exhaling with a couple of deep coughs. The smell was odd and strong, but the group were much too tired to care. Hinata was filling out some sort of journal, Naruto could see what looked like a sketch of their ghostly stalker. So she was keeping a record of this stuff. Naruto would have to ask to see it later. The two were seemingly content and relaxed, but Naruto could only feel guilt for them being here.
"You know the two of you don't need to be here." Naruto started with a casual smile. "This ghost doesn't seem easy to deal with, but it seems focused on me. The two of you should head back home an-"
"I refuse!" Hinata rejected it vehemently. Naruto was shocked with the assertiveness she spoke with. "I cannot leave you… to face this alone. You need help, Naruto, and I promise to give as much as possible…"
"Unlike I'm not nearly as hor-" Shikamaru was interrupted as a small pebble bounced off his forehead. Both men blinked as they traced its trajectory, finding it came from Hinata's direction. The three blinked before Shikamaru sighed and continued. "Nearly as honor-bound to aid you is what I meant. But at the end of the day, you are my friend, my knuckleheaded, pain-in-my-ass friend, but a friend all the same. So I'll help you figure this out and hopefully prove ghosts aren't real all the while."
Naruto wanted to object to the ghost being fake, but he was too relieved to do so. While training, he missed his team, his friends, and even Sasuke. So, facing a problem, they seemed unwilling or unable to help with had been daunting. But with the support of Shikamaru and Hinata and the potential aid of Shion, he felt hope. Naruto felt his energy return as he offered a skewered fish to Hinata and Shikamaru. The three of them tucked into their rough meal, each ravenous from the full day of travel.
"Naruto." Shikamaru broke their silence. Speaking between the chews of his fish. "You only came back recently, and word from the grapevine is you are back from quite the trip. Two years of personal training from one Jiraiya of the Sannin."
Hinata gasped as Naruto nodded with a smile. "Yep, that giant pervert became my sensei during the last two years. Taught me all sorts of tricks!"
"That is amazing, Naruto! What Jutsu did you learn?" Hinata asked, sounding fascinated.
"From a legend like him?" Shikamaru asked sarcastically. "I'm sure the troublesome knucklehead has only become even more destructive. I wouldn't be surprised if he mastered an Elemental Nature or two."
"Not really, no," Naruto admitted with a shrug. "Still haven't mastered those.
"Perhaps some of the famed techniques of the toads?"
"Nada. Can summon them easy enough though."
"Taijutsu, Kenjutsu, maybe even some defensive ninjutsu, or defense against Genjutsu?"
"No, nope, nuh uh, and we tried, but I was terrible," Naruto answered with a shrug. The blonde flinched as he realized they were both staring at him, shocked. "Huh, I never said that out loud. It sounds kind of crazy, doesn't it? But I swear I've improved by leaps and bounds!"
"To think Jiraiya would be so shameless…" Hinata growled. "He's improved despite him!"
"Now now," Shikamaru chimed in. "The guy has been doing this longer than we've been alive. I'm sure there was a method to the madness. So what did the two of you do during the last two years?"
"Visit just about every bar and brothel throughout the Elemental Nations." Naruto joked, which made Shikamaru smile, but Hinata frowned. "Aye, not like that; I meant he did; he'd set me up with some absurdly hard task and drown himself and liquor and woman. Honestly, it sounds worse than it was…"
"You seem fond of Jiraiya," Shikamaru said kindly. "Guess the two of you became close?"
"Somehow…" Hinata mumbled.
"Yeah, we did; he comes across like a careless, selfish creep. But deep down, he's the kind of guy I respect. Determined, ambitious, and a bit of an oddball." Naruto admitted. "It was oddly enjoyable being around him, I never had parents, but if I did, I think he would be kind of what a dad would be like…" Both Shikamaru and Hinata nodded, the Hyuga with tears in her eyes. "Sorry, I made that kind of heavy, huh? What did the two of you get up to?"
Hinata rubbed the tears from her eyes as Shikamaru took the topic change smoothly.
"Well, you know of my promotion and recent work with Temari," Shikamaru answered with a shrug. "Not really much to relay other than that."
"I thought I heard rumors of the two of you being an item," Hinata said, surprised.
"Just a rumor. I don't think I could handle a woman as troublesome as her." Shikamaru explained with a casual shrug.
"I'm not interested." Hinata suddenly offered.
"I wasn't asking?" Shikamaru responded, confused.
"Just in case, I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea."
"Yeah, like they might if they saw how often during Naruto's trip you visited his—" Once again, a pebble bounced off his forehead, silencing him. "Can you stop doing that?"
"Me?" Naruto asked, confused.
"No, her!"
"Hinata wouldn't do that."
"She keeps waiting for you to blink!"
"I would've noticed, Shika; anywho, what of mine were visiting anyway, Hinata?" Naruto asked. "Whatever you did while I was gone changed you a lot. I remember back in the day, you stuttered constantly! I like the new attitude!"
Hinata eeped as she shuddered before answering him. "I spent much of the time missing yo-... reminiscing over y-... the years gone by, training, and working on a plan of mine."
"A plan aye?" Naruto asked good-naturedly. "Well, I remember how much heart you have; I'm sure whatever plan it is will work flawlessly!"
Hinata froze as Shikamaru snickered. "You do?"
"Hell yeah! Just let me know if I can help!"
"O-oh, you can help…" Hinata said quietly before falling back, quietly muttering to herself.
"You broke her genius," Shikamaru concluded with a cough. "I still got smelling salts, but let it wear off. I'll take the first watch; way too wired to sleep now anyway."
"Hmm… if you're sure…" Naruto agreed hesitantly. The Nara nodded silently as Naruto allowed his head to rest.
Moments Later - During the Night - Naruto
Naruto blinked as a brightness strained his eyes. Wait, he was blinking. It was bright. Was it a day already? It barely felt like he slept! He cracked his eyes open and sighed, realizing he was surrounded by that same white void.
"This song and dance is getting old, Kyuubi! I haven't fallen for it yet, and I won't now! Can you return to being a fox instead of the creepy old alien thing!"
The creepy old alien thing faded into existence before him with a deep scowl. "Could you at least not insult nor refer to me as an alien. I am here to aid you, after all. However, I now recognize that some form of proof would be necessary. The best I can do for now is prove my identity is not of Kurama."
"Who now?" Naruto asked before he flinched; in an instant, the old man appeared before him and placed his palm on his chest. Naruto attempted to give the bastard a punch, but he was frozen. Suddenly, the old man's hand glowed before it shot through Naruto. The blonde fell to his ass as he turned and saw the Kyuubi staring back at him boredly. "That damn fox!"
"You should watch your tone. While you are my jailor, for now, that will change." The Kyuubi replied boredly. Also, I am no mere fox, as my father said; I am Kurama."
Naruto blinked for a moment as his mind absorbed this revelation. "So, who's this old fart?! Oh god, am I going insane?! First the Kyuubi, now this?!"
"Kurama!"
"Can both of you allow me to speak?" The old alien sighed tiredly. "I have proven I am not Kurama, and now I must offer you your newest warning. The time to prevent this calamity from approaching this world has passed. Now, we must prepare to face it."
"Okay, fine, you're not Kurami or whatever!" Naruto concluded with a shrug. Ignoring the large foxes' complaints at his mock mistake. "But I don't know what that means. What is this calamity? How could we have avoided it? How do we prepare? Why me?!"
"As I have told you before, I am limited to customs and laws beyond your comprehension. What I can tell you is limited, and my delivery must be indirect."
"Oh, so he still does that." Kurama offered.
"Huh?"
"Ku-"
"He always gave the nine of us advice like that, too. Indirect, hard to understand, and therefore mostly useless. Interesting to see his methodology hasn't changed in hundreds of years." Kurama explained.
"There are rules and forces beyond-"
"Our comprehension, right." Naruto sighed, finishing the old man's sentence impatiently. "Okay, so does this relate to my recent haunting?"
"I can say much, but I can only offer such advice. The spirit and its intentions may not be as they seem. Depending on how you deal with it, you may be blessed or cursed…"
"That tells me precisely nothing…" Naruto groaned as he dropped his face into his palm. "Is it good or bad? Why is it pursuing me? Why doesn't just fucking speak! The whole silent stalker thing is terrifying!"
"All but one of those questions I cannot answer, the one I can I lack the knowledge to."
"Can see why the brat doesn't trust you, Hagaromo, you're being pretty useless here." Kurama remarked with a giant smirk.
"You know precisely why I am limited so! Furthermore, you have no such holdbacks!"
"True, but I don't like Naruto, nor do I care what happens to this world."
"Stop being so cold and apathetic! I raised you better!"
"You barely raised me at all, DAD!" Kurama roared.
Naruto could only watch on, bemused, as the two began to bicker. "Dear Kami, what did I do to deserve this? I wanted to be Hokage, which is a humble goal! But noooo! I'm haunted by ghosts and these damn dreams! How the hell can I progress like this!" Naruto complained to himself.
"See, he's whining." Kurama pointed out the fox and his strange apparent father, having stopped their bickering, and remembered him. "Why should I help a whiner like him?"
"It doesn't matter; we don't get to choose our heroes; they simply arise when needed." Hagoromo countered sagely.
To Naruto's dismay, his ear perked up when he heard "hero." "Heroics, you say?"
"Indeed, while shinobi are important and valued members of society, there is an even rarer and strenuous path only a single person every century can walk. A single human in this world is blessed with powers and abilities that betray the natural order but in return are cursed with responsibilities that bear the weight of the world…"
Naruto turned around, struggling to maintain his frown. This role this alien spoke of sounded like what he had thought his shinobi career would be. He was chosen as an all-powerful warrior, paired with a world-threatening foe. "I'm listening…"
"The path is not easy; most perish along the road." Hagoromo continued. "But if you walk it and are successful, you will prove yourself worthy of powers beyond your comprehension. I am limited in what I can tell you, but your role is one of the scarce details I can offer. I need only your agreement, and you will begin your journey to become…"
"Come on, come on, tell me already!" Naruto snapped impatiently. The Hokage gig could wait; it sounded like he'd be a lock if he did this right anyway!
"The Sage Psychic Medium! The conduit between the living and dead. The being that defends both from one another and maintains peace among the living and dead!" Hagaromo ranted excitedly.
Naruto landed flat on his face as Kurama roared with laughter. His life must be some kind of sick joke… Naruto launched himself back to his feet and roared his response. "NO WAY IN HELL!"
"Wait…" Hagaromo said, stunned. "That always works! Every version of you has been won over by that speech!"
"Yeah, well, it doesn't work for me! Sounds like a nice gig, but I hate ghosts, spirits, and anything unnatural. No way in hell am I making a career of facing them. Do you think I'm stupid?!"
"Stupid to say no, maybe!"
"Oh, shove it, I'm out of here!"
"Nice try, but I was ready-"
A poof interrupted the man as the Kuruma howls of laughter increased in volume. As the old man sighed tiredly. Naruto had somehow did it again. And left Kuruma here somehow to laugh at him. The bastard was unknowingly talented…
"Is it too late to choose Sasuke?"
Simultaneously - Middle of the Night - Itachi
Itachi was used to relative silence in his days. Perhaps that was the consequence of slaughtering one's neighbors and relatives, not many willing to be around a kinslayer, but it was his part of daily ritual nowadays. His current surroundings broke that comfortable routine. The dripping of the poorly maintained faucet, the creaking floor, the resulting cries of fear, and the mumbling and whimpering of frightened civilians surrounded him. The only saving grace was the other shinobi around him.
He had accepted long ago that his life was unlikely to be an easy one. Itachi had been certain back on that bloody night he would one day suffer for his sins. Even more so when Hiruzen compelled him to join the Akatsuki. And yet his brush with death had still been shocking.
During his infiltration within the ranks of the Akatsuki, Itachi dug up a litany of information: the members and their backgrounds, the origin of the organization, and many more secrets Itachi had discovered during their time together. One of those was Pain's assassination and the replacement of Hanzo. It had seen a minor and inconsequential fact: Hanzo had been a threat, and his removal by him had only been fitting. Never had Itachi imagined the slaying of that man would lead to their group's fall.
While Itachi had planned to kill the group from within, he had run for his life while they were slain by a spirit of all things. Before his betrayal of their clan, Itachi had always offered Sasuke advice. One of those pieces of wisdom had been a fact he had lived and survived by. No Jutsu, technique, or strategy was flawless. If one was observant, patient, and creative enough, a countermeasure or weakness would always be exposed.
Itachi now felt foolish for such words. He was aware of spirits but had never considered them an actual threat. Indeed, if such beings were honest, they'd be easy to understand. Yet the specter of Hanzo had proved quite the anomaly. Despite lacking a physical body, he could interact with the world; despite lacking chakra coils, he used jutsu and, even as a spirit, could summon the famous salamander he had gained his moniker. The old fool had been bested by Pain in the past, yet now had taken them all on and won handily.
The group of elite shinobi proved no match. Even Pain, who Itachi had seen rip souls from bodies, had been helpless. And while the others had made their stand, Itachi subtly had retreated. Itachi had watched them fall from afar and watched Hanzo make a grim promise to himself over their corpses.
The spirit was not merely returning to the world of the living. But intended to use his second chance to conquer it. And considering that Itachi had deemed the Akatsuki an earnest threat to the world, he feared the specter could achieve it.
Itachi almost wished he was the psychopathic killer his cover painted him as. He would've gone into hiding, perhaps kidnapping Sasuke if he had been going that route. The two would live as hermits; surely, Sasuke would come around eventually. Instead, Itachi reported them to the village head office to prepare them. They hadn't believed him, but several Genjutsu had won them over. Soon, they had created an army to face their returning leader; while they perished, Itachi had gathered the others to create traps and impediments of all kinds to slow Hanzo down. Likely for naught, but Itachi was desperate.
Hanzo had not been bothered by their efforts in the slightest. Slaughtering or enslaving the army with ease and marching his own growing forces in a slow, visible march toward the closest village. Itachi, the surviving Rain shinobi, and civilians hid in a woman's bathroom as Hanzo raged around them.
"We need to take this bastard out!"
"Or run like hell! He can't get all of us!"
"Feel free! I'm staying here!"
The civilians and shinobi bickered. Itachi sighed. He needed to get to the next village, but it would bode poorly for him to leave them behind. He wished they would be silent, however. Their constant racket risked their being discovered.
"That bastard killed my neighbor!"
"Didn't he sleep with your wife?"
"Yeah, she finally shut up for a while!"
Itachi sighed as he sensed something just outside the building. He used no hand signs as he slowly faded into the floor using an earth jutsu. Just as he was worried about, they had drawn his attention. Hanzo's cruel, scowling eyes slowly faded from the wall as Itachi left the fools to their fate. He needed to go and warn the next village, The Hidden Rain Village had fallen.
Right After Dream - Middle of the Night - Naruto
He awoke again to an odd sight. He was not laid within his comfortable sleeping back but saw the ground below far from him. He was cradled by the surprisingly strong arms of someone who carried him through the forest as they leaped from branch to branch. A glance to his left revealed the disgruntled and exhausted-looking Shikamaru following them. So he wasn't in danger. They had left their cozy cave?
As his alertness returned, Naruto blinked to see Hinata's concerned, strained face above his. "Shikamaru, it's still following us! About a thousand yards back!"
Naruto shrugged, removing himself from her grasp and landing on a branch before rejoining the other two. Hinata seemed upset for some reason, and Shikamaru was bemused. "What the hell did I miss?"
"It seems our ghostly stalker can track us somehow. It found our little cave; if not for Hinata, it would've trapped us inside. So we've spent the night running for our lives. I tried to wake you, but you were not having it. Hinata had to carry you, not that she minded…" Shikamaru explained.
"Of course not. If you ever need me to touch- I mean, help you, just let me know, Naruto!" Hinata agreed with her typically red face.
"Reliable as always! Alright, so where are we now?"
"That's the good news; if you look through the treeline, you'll see our destination just before us," Shikamaru said while pointing ahead. "Hopefully, they can help us, or we're bringing trouble right to their doorstep."
"This is the Land of Ogres, also known as the Land of Demons. Known for its ample wildlife and knowledgeable and infamous priest and their head Priestess. They were beloved due to the sealing of a powerful demon, Moryo, or so legend says. Well, until you were a part of the recent mission, right, Naruto?" Hinata continued.
"Hell yeah! Not too long ago, Neji, Sakura, Lee, and I kicked Moryo's and his goon's asses and saved this land and, apparently, the world! If anyone can help us with this ghost, it's Shion. She was able to seal away some demon lord after all!" Naruto informed the group all smiles.
"Shion?" Hinata asked curiously.
"The current head Priestess of the Land of Ogres. She is known for her impressive knowledge and ability regarding the supernatural and a knack for predicting the future. Usually a grim one for her audience…"
"That's her! She was a bit of a bitch when I first met her, but really came around. She had a ton on her shoulders, and luckily, I was able to save and relive that. She showed her true self at the end and even made me promise to help ensure her legacy in the future!"
"Ensure… her legacy…" Hinata said woodenly.
"The powers of their priesthood are passed down by prodigy." Shikamaru chimed in with a shit-eating smile. "Similar to us clans, they must have children to ensure their continued legacy. It only makes sense she'd be searching for a worthy partner to aid with such…"
"I never really thought of that, but I guess so," Naruto said, confused. "Kind of a weird topic change, though. What does that have to do with my promise?"
"Children…" Hinata said, stunned.
Shikamaru ignored Naruto's confusion as he touched Hinata's shoulder and whispered into her ear, "She's a real beauty from what Lee said, too. She has pale hair, fair skin, similar eyes, and apparently very easy on the eyes…"
"Kill… kill… kill…" Hinata swore.
Naruto ignored both of them as they closed into the entrance of Shion's home. Since he had last visited, they had increased fortifications for the place. Dozens of armed guards patrolled the outer walls, cautiously eyeing them. The large wall was no longer wooden and instead made of thick stone bricks, with several cannons pointed at the forest surrounding the place. A large moat had been cut around the fortress, the only traversal method being a large gated bridge in front of the entrance.
The three of them slowly approached the gate, unaware that several of them levied crossbows and longbows at them all the while. Shikamaru whispered to the other two just before they reached earshot.
"The two of you let me handle this," Shikamaru assured. "All that time serving as the liaison between the Sand and Leaf-"
"Sleeping with Temari." Hinata and Naruto replied in sync.
"Shut up. Will allow me to handle this tense start with relative ease." Shikamaru assured the other two.
"I could offer aid as well; as a fellow heir to a clan, I am also familiar with politics and negotiations." Hinata offered.
"Normally, I'd take you up on that. But you've been all over the place; the last thing we need is one of you two to cause an international incident." Shikamaru countered while shaking his head.
"She has?" Naruto asked with a raised brow but relented upon Hinata, agreeing to a shrug. The three stood mere inches from the gate door, two guards approaching from the other side. Shikamaru began their intro with a shockingly business-appropriate tone as they reached earshot.
"Hello, guardians of the Land of Demons. We are three envoys here to deliver a message to your Priestess. This is a crucial and time-sensitive matter, one we believe your Priestess will be interested in."
"We do acknowledge the Leaf as allies of the Priestess; however, I do not remember being briefed on your visit. Surely you sought the proper permission before coming here." Naruto didn't recognize the bald, scarred man who now led the troop. The previous members had mostly perished, so this must be the new guard. And apparently an improvement, the last had been dedicated, if not simple…
"We expected such a query," Shikamaru calmly replied; Naruto was impressed with how easily he lied. "And we intended to warn you as would be the proper way. However, the man beside me is injured." The Nara pointed at Naruto.
"I'm not inju-" Naruto started before Shikamaru's elbow found his solar plexus. He crumpled breathlessly, caught by Hinata, who, worried, attempted to nurse him back to health.
"As you can see, he's not doing well at all, suffering from some sickness, and can barely breathe. He was our original messenger and intended to get permission for our arrival. When he was late, we were sent to check on him and ensure the message arrived. Found him doing poorly and decided to bring him with us. Deliver the message and save our own. We apologize for the rude arrival, but the matter is life and death."
"As I said before, we appreciate the alliance between our two groups. But to ensure the all-too-important safety of our Priestess, I must insist on seeing the seal of the Hokage, " the guard patiently responded. "That would allow me to ignore the odd state of affairs, I can only engage with this if it's sanctioned.
"We assumed the messenger would've still had it when we left. But when we discovered him, he had lost it." Shikamaru said evenly. "I am a known international envoy however, my ID number is 24332213."
"I appreciate the problem you are facing, and we will offer you the lodgings my men use if you seek shelter due to that bit of proof. However, I cannot allow you to be an audience with the Priestess. I will send word of your arrival to her, and it will be her whim which will be the final factor."
Naruto would've laughed at his failure or demanded entry. But even now, he could scarcely breathe. Hinata was cradling his head into her chest so tightly that he could scarcely breathe! Glimpses of light allowed him a peak of Shikamaru's face, which frowned before it landed on a smirk.
"Listen, the Priestess will want to hear from us! She knows the messenger well! They're practically family!" Shikamaru attempted.
The guard frowned openly at them, his partner whispering in his ear before he responded. "What are your names? There is a Leaf shinobi she has whitelisted. However, if she reveals to you to be a pretender or here for harm, I assure you, you will perish terribly."
Shikamaru rolled his eyes as Naruto finally regained his breath. "Shikamaru Nara, Hinata Hyuga, and-" Naruto burst out in laughter as he shoulder-checked the Nara flat on his ass. As loyal as always, Hinata followed up by kicking him in the face. Harsh but hilarious.
"And Naruto Uzumaki! Now, are you gonna let us in or not!"
There was a barrage of clatter and clinks as the guard surrounding them and the gate all dropped their gear in sync. Somehow, the mere mention of his name shocked them all. Personally, Naruto found it fitting, but it was a little odd all the same. "Naruto Uzumaki?" the leader asked again. Naruto nodded back, confused and aggravated. "MEN! BOW AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS!"
Hinata and Naruto watched in dumb shock as the men theatrically dropped to all fours. Each head touched the ground regardless of how much it looked like it hurt. As the group of armed guards began to yell out for forgiveness, the Nara sighed heavily.
"Overreaction much? I hit you to sell my story." Shikamaru complained. "Why the hell do they seem to love you?"
"Considering the plan didn't work, hitting me was for nothing." Naruto snarked back. "And I have plenty of likable quantities."
"Yes, like his ass-" Hinata began, pausing the other two to turn toward her. "Assertive nature…"
That made sense to Naruto.
"Our beloved Priestess gave this new guard a list of rules to live by. One of those rules, rule thirty-five, in fact, is as follows; We are to treat Naruto Uzumaki and anyone in his party as the highest order of guests. Your rank is paramount to that of our Lady." The leader of the guards explained. "Men open the gates and grab the Palanquin! Let's escort them to the Priestess!"
The three of them could barely respond before they were ushered forward and placed upon what Naruto assumed the palanquin was. Several cushioned seats and other amenities covered the flat object. Once the three of them were seated, they were hefted up, lifted into the air, and carried in style. The group traveled through the entrance of the compound. Naruto remembered that it had been minimalist before. But now, it was covered in ornate and perfectly trimmed plant life. Servants and bodyguards alike patrolled the ground, working happily and dutifully.
Each of them stopped as they passed by, fascinated by the group. Naruto noticed some who must've known about him as they pointed and cheered. He wasn't sure what the hell was going on. But he could get used to this.
"What. The hell. Did you do?!" Shikamaru harshly whispered at him. "They're treating you like a returning lord!"
"It makes sense to me. Everyone should think of Naruto that way."
"Heh, Hinata's support is never dying! And, like I said, I saved the place!" Naruto replied lazily.
"First off, from what I read, it wasn't only you."
"Might as well have been~!"
"Secondly, you've saved plenty of places before! I thought you were joking or bullshitting with what you said!" Shikamaru relented shock, giving into humor. "This is rich!"
"While I do also enjoy this." Hinata agreed. "This doesn't truly solve anything unless SHE can help us."
"Why the emphasis on she?" Naruto asked, confused.
"No reason."
The group enjoyed their relaxed travel into the compound, being led gently into the main throne room of the fort. Shion didn't look all too different from when they had last met. She wore the same robes and crown as before, only now she sported a small, gentle smile. Naruto liked her smile; he sent his own as they locked eyes. Her smile grew, which made Naruto's hope grow as well.
"Naruto Uzumaki, it has been far too long. I see you have brought a guest as well. My messenger brought word of your arrival with a message—a message I believe I am already aware of…" Shion greeted them. Naruto was shocked at how controlled and calm she seemed now compared to before. It was like she had gained a quiet confidence. However, the lighter, mischievous side of her he had gotten accustomed to during their mission stuck out.
"Nice to see ya, Shion! You look way better now that you're less of a downer!" Naruto complimented. "Yeah, we came here seeking help. These two are my comrades and friends. Shikamaru Nara and Hinata Hyuga."
"A shame you didn't bring along Sakura, Lee, or Neji. But after all you did for me, it's only right that I offer whatever aid I can." Shion said kindly, offering a polite nod to Naruto. "However, I have an ask of my own. Surely, now that you're here, you intend to fulfill your promise."
Naruto blinked before remembering it. "Oh well yeah, of course, I always keep my word, ya know? But I probably would need help first…" He finished awkwardly, feeling bad for pushing his needs over hers. But with Shikamaru and Hinata at risk with him, he couldn't afford to wait.
"That is reasonable. Besides, the full fulfillment tonight might come across as over eager. I would expect certain… luxuries until the full clause is met however." Shion explained. "I'll aid you however I can, Naruto Uzumaki, but you will fulfill your promise in exchange. I must ensure the legacy of the Priesthood. To do so, I need you; my mother raised me to be proper however, so we'll need to go the traditional route…"
Shikamaru erupted in laughter as Hinata gasped. Naruto merely raised his brow. "What do you mean?"
"That one day, the two of us will not only become one but wed," Shion explained plainly. Naruto's jaw dropped along with Hinata as Shikamaru breathlessly folded from laughter.
An Hour Later - Late Night - Jiraiya
Jiraiya had always thought of himself as a deep thinker. As an author and sage, he had spent hours, perhaps even days, of his life pondering topics deeply. The woman form, how best to please it, new drinks to try, and the most pressing issues. The afterlife, too, the what and where of death, had often crossed his mind. But the man had never stressed it; if it existed, cool, if not acceptable. Jiraiya had always lived in the moment; worrying about an impossible-to-predict death wasn't worth the effort.
That decision was bolstered because he would've never guessed this was the afterlife. In fact, Jiraiya was sure something had gone wrong. First, Hanzo and now him, one recently dead and one dead for years, were two spirits walking this earth. But why them? What made them different from the others? Were they? Perhaps there were thousands of souls like themselves walking this earth, cursed to be spectators in the world they used to live in.
Most, he was sure, were miserable and hopeless. But Jiraiya was not one to be down and out. The sage had decided his plan easily enough. If there was one person who had a chance of sensing him, it was his prodigy!
Jiraiya's instincts, as always, proved helpful. From his appearance outside his window, it was clear that Naruto had seen him. Jiraiya had just made one slight miscalculation. Naruto, his student and godson, was deathly afraid of spirits.
It was clear from his reaction that it had been terrifying for him. And when Jiraiya saw his reflection, it was clear why. It seemed to show that he required effort, even skill. And as a newly dead man, Jiraiya seemed to be lacking.
Instead of his usual visage, what had appeared to Naruto was only a head, a ghastly one at that. Furthermore, speaking to the blonde seemed impossible. He didn't seem to hear him; in fact, Naruto had only run.
Jiriaya had been chasing the blonde and his friends all day, unsuccessfully, he might add. Falling through roofs and the ground, and accidentally landing in a bathhouse. Traversing was not easy when one had to remember to be intangible. Flying was much easier, but he struggled to control himself. Who knew being dead would suck so hard. Luckily, he seemed to be able to sense Naruto; whenever he thought of him, he had a vague feeling of where he was. It only furthered his interest in finding him.
Luckily, the blonde and his friends had stopped for the night. Why they had chosen the home of the Priestess of the Land of Demons was a mystery, but their stopping bode well for Jiraiya. It seemed his luck was turning around.
Jiraiya attempted to float through the gate as he did everything else. However, he suddenly was stopped in place; he cried out in pain as lightning coursed through him. He flew back through the ground, forcing himself to rise out of the earth after he recovered. Around the gate, over it, under it, Jiraiya tried every angle, but an invisible barrier surrounded the estate. The Priestess, of course, would have a method of warding off spirits.
"Oh, come on!" Jiraiya complained. But nothing could be done; he hadn't been able to use Ninjutsu since his death. And even the alive barrier Ninjutsu was hard to counter. He realized grimly that as long as Naruto was within the estate, he was out of reach. So he would wait…
Maybe he could find a hot spring to "stumble" into…
Hours Before - Late Evening - Iruka
Iruka hummed a gentle tune as he walked through an all too familiar street. Iruka scarcely had free time these years, but the little he had left was left for Naruto. During the blonde's years-long trip, he had been trusted to visit his house. Tend to his beloved plant and ensure it didn't get too dusty while he was gone. The job was easy, and Iruka felt the need to support Naruto.
At this point in his life, Iruka had few loved ones left. His parents had died years ago, he had no other family, and while he loved his students. They tended to move on once they graduated. But Naruto was one of the few he had. The blonde reminded him of himself so much. They were a bit rowdy, relaxed, and obnoxious, all to hide the pain they suffered. Upon Naruto's return, Iruka realized how much he saw the young man as a younger brother. But after weeks of silence from him, Iruka became worried.
Iruka, during his house-sitting job, had been given an extra key. One that Naruto had allowed him to keep in case they needed to do it again. Iruka now intended to use that to check up on the blonde.
His own team, the Hokage, and even Konohamaru hadn't heard from him and knew why he was silent. Iruka had decided to check for himself. Slowly climbing the blonde's staircase, Iruka creaked open his door and crept inside.
The lights to the home were off, and it was so cold one could see their breath. Iruka rolled his eyes at the state of the house; it looked like Naruto had left in a hurry. The TV was left on, a window cracked open, and for some reason, Naruto had left Mr. Ukki on his couch. Iruka would clean the place in a moment. Iruka walked deeper into the home to find Naruto.
Walking to the back of the hall, he checked Naruto's room. But it was empty, and the bed was utterly wrecked. Iruka hummed as he peeked into the empty bathroom and the sink left running. Iruka stepped into the room to turn it off, and as he rose, his eyes back up, the mirror flinched. Behind him was a sickly looking woman with blood leaking from every orifice on her face.
His training overtook his terror as he reacted by throwing kunai in front of and behind him. One shattered the mirror and was pinned to the wall behind it. The other stabbed into the tile, cracking it. But there was no attacker…
Iruka eyed the area behind and cursed to himself: Naruto was renting this place, and that would be costly. He would pay for it. Shaking his head at his nerves, Iruka exited the bathroom only to flinch again as the door slammed shut. Iruka eyed it and attempted to force it open, but it didn't budge.
Iruka chose to ignore that, stepping back into the living room with Naruto, only to discover another oddity. Unlike moments ago, the room was clear of anything that wasn't nailed down. The couch, the chairs, and the end tables were all missing, and the floor was left barren except for Mr. Ukki.
Iruka felt alertness fill his body. Somebody had been here… in fact, they still were! His head whipped up to the roof. All of the missing furniture and decorations were stuck to it as if glued. Iruka leaped back nimbly as it fell back down with a horrendous crash. As he did, he felt a premise behind him.
"You will never leave me…" A raspy and inhuman voice spoke in his ear. Iruka attempted to react but was frozen, even as cold hands grasped his face. His head was forcibly raised to the face of his captor. The same sickly woman he had seen before! Her eyes were large and dull; too large, they dominated her face. Blood covered the rest, and it was leaking just as before. Her messy hair spread around her shoulders and covered half of her face. She smelled so strongly of blood Iruka could taste it… "Never…"
AN
I have way too much fun writing this. I am finding my pacing and style for it, too. Though the crackfic style fits my own writing style nicely anyway. That says a lot about me, doesn't it? Also, a reader called me mean! Justifiably, mind you, but mean! I'd be offended if it wasn't true!
Thanks for reading; leave your thoughts if you care to, and Peace~!