Madame Masseuse

by princesspvmpernickel

Kagome Higurashi is a recently single massage therapist at "Madame's", a luxury spa in downtown Tokyo where client anonymity is the number one priority. Needing a distraction, Kagome picks up a shift the same night the spa is hosting a bachelor party. Just when Kagome wants nothing to do with men, there's a certain client she can't get out of her mind or keep her hands off.

30. One More Time From The Top

Madame Masseuse

"One More Time From The Top"

---

"I knew it was only a matter of time before I ended up tellin' you everything. And even though I've known that, there's so much fuckin' ground to cover, I still don't know where to start."

"Whatever's easiest," she replied, shuffling closer to him. "Wherever you think it makes the most sense to start timeline-wise, or start with whatever you wanna get off your chest first."

Inuyasha seemed to think about that. "Alright," he sniffed, avoiding her gaze, "then I guess there're two things you gotta know first, things that happened before I even met you."

He inhaled deeply, held it, then let it go. Kagome tried to not look so expectant, sitting there staring at him.

"I was eleven the first time the Council went behind my back and used a seer to try and track down my mate. They had to wait three months for that old witch to tell 'em Myoga would accidentally find my mate for me." He chuffed a sarcastic-sounding laugh. "For the next two decades, the Council had Myoga keepin' a log of places he went so they could send me to those spots to narrow down the search, get a better lead. Obviously, nothin' came of it, and I grew real tired, real quick, of the wild fuckin' goose chase to see if I could sense my mate anywhere Myoga had been. By the time I was old enough my mom didn't have to chaperone anymore, and I was sent out on my own, I was convinced havin' a mate was bullshit. When I turned twenty, I basically told the Council to go fuck themselves, that I wouldn't be their mate-finding hound dog anymore, and I'd find her on my own, if the universe meant to put her in my path."

Inuyasha sat silently for several breaths before he continued. "Then, a few years ago, Rin was in a car accident. This was before she and Sesshoumaru were bonded, so she couldn't benefit from his wound healing. She needed physio and massage, and Sesshoumaru didn't trust just anyone to put their hands on her. He learned from the Council there was this ancient demoness my dad used to know who was rumoured to have a healing touch. So Sesshoumaru tracked her down. In exchange for helpin' Rin, the demoness wanted Sesshoumaru to help her open up a business outside of demon territory that could take advantage of her healing gifts. Sesshoumaru's condition for financing her business was that she needed to guarantee anonymity for her clients so the Lord General and his mate wouldn't be exposed or put in a vulnerable situation. She agreed, and Rin became your Madame's first client."

"Wait...my Madame? You mean...the demoness your dad knew opened up Madame's, my workplace, with Sesshoumaru's money?" After Inuyasha nodded, Kagome slumped into the couch. "I thought Sesshoumaru was just Madame's favourite client...but...he helped her open the spa? My boss knew your dad? That...that's crazy." And a little uncomfortably coincidental, she thought.

"So yeah," Inuyasha said with a shrug, "Rin went for her appointments, then Sesshoumaru started goin' as a way of stayin' on top of his investment, and it wasn't long until Myoga went 'cause we got tired of hearin' him complain about his bad hips—"

Kagome snorted. She was all too familiar with Myoga's grievances.

"—By that point, your Madame had a pretty full staff running the place and Myoga started havin' regular appointments with—"

"Shura," Kagome interrupted, her eyes wide. "I know, because I was hired to replace her after she quit." Myoga and Koji were the two regulars Kagome had inherited from her predecessor before Kagome grew tenured enough to attract her own regulars. Her eyes snapped to Inuyasha. "So...it wasn't a fluke that you guys had Sesshoumaru's bachelor party there..."

Inuyasha made a face then snorted. "It wasn't originally the plan to go there, no. But Kikyou had finally ended things that morning and Miroku was convinced I needed somethin' to help me feel better about it. Rin felt about strippers the same way she felt about the harem, so Sesshoumaru kiboshed that idea, which meant the only 'outlet' they could think of for my dumped ass was the spa-side of your work."

"Explains all the chaos that day to accommodate a last minute request for the full capacity booking," Kagome muttered under her breath. "And then Myoga's masseuse became yours," she added, filling in the gaps for herself.

Inuyasha grabbed hold of Kagome's palm and she shimmied forward on the couch so her hand could rest in his lap. "I never really considered Myoga to have found you for me, but yeah...the seer was right, 'cause he met you first."

Kagome's eyes laboured on the way his hand held hers, the coarseness of his calloused fingers sketching the lines in her palm. "And because of that you realized I was your mate."

"No, not immediately," he corrected after a pregnant pause, "'cause Myoga had dealings and appointments and all sorts of shit with females all over the place. Just because you were his masseuse—which I didn't know until our date at Nocturne Tower, when I learned you two knew each other—I didn't immediately think my attraction to you made you my mate."

Kagome flushed in response to his words.

"But I suspected you were gonna be important to me, Kagome, as soon as you ran out into your work's parkin' lot the night of the bachelor party. I followed you out 'cause bein' near you, bein' touched by you...it seemed to resonate with my demon blood." He paused to caress her fingers, wrapping his hand around hers until her narrow digits were swallowed by the span of his grasp. "I dunno how to explain it," he sighed. "It was like...like if I were to gently tug on just a single one of your hairs until it detached. There was this twinge I felt that dulled but never went away, the smallest sensation rousing my demon blood that could've been somethin' as easily as nothing. I'd never felt anything like your hands on my body before, like you were a type of softness, a type of warmth, I didn't know existed." His hoarse voice stalled again. Discomfort obvious, he licked his lips as his chin dipped and cheeks flushed. "I...uh...I really liked your touch, Kagome, long and short. But seein' you leave triggered this barely there urge that I needed to follow you out and not let you go."

His knee brushed hers, his hips swiveling to face her. Kagome knew Inuyasha could be contemplative, but never had she seen him look so serious. She watched him blink slowly, his ambered ochre stare labouring over her lap. Slipping his fingers between hers, he squeezed their palms together. He looked so fragile sitting there, like the smallest puncture to the quiet cocoon of her living room would be enough to steal his confidence away. Kagome's fingers tightened between his, an act to comfort him, encourage him, and, selfishly, to keep him. Keep him from running. Keep him speaking. Keep him hers.

"I didn't put the word mate to it right away," he admitted. "At first, I just thought I was super attracted to you and didn't want you runnin' off, pissed at me. That maybe my demon blood saw a pretty woman I could claim and got possessive. So I just kept comin' back to see you, even though I had no fuckin' clue how to talk to you, how to explore whatever this thing was I felt. I didn't know how to breach us bein' strangers. But then I didn't have to, not really," he snorted, his eyes dashing to hers, "'cause you had your little tests or whatever to do that for me." Kagome's cheeks warmed and he laughed when she looked away, embarrassed. "I know I tease you about the lube on your tits thing, but that whole situation was the smack in the head I needed to get us outta that client/service dynamic. So I asked you out for coffee and you said yes."

"But it wasn't a date," she clarified, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.

Inuyasha lifted a single shoulder. "'Cause I got the sense a woman like you wouldn't've agreed to a date with a client; you didn't strike me as a rule-breaker. See, before I really got to know you, Kagome, you seemed this bashful, demure little thing, kinda skittish; I think, at one point, I even considered you a bit of a stick-in-the-mud."

"Excuse you," she gasped around a choked laugh, making to remove her hand from his before he chuckled and tugged her retreating hand to his mouth to kiss.

"But you proved me wrong real fuckin' quick on our walk." The cheeky grin on his lips transformed into a wide, curling smile that crinkled his eyes charmingly. "If my interest was piqued before, then I was full-on interested 'cause of that smart mouth of yours. Getting under your skin and makin' you blush became my new favourite activity. I was hooked, knowin' you'd tease me back if I taunted you first."

His smile sauntered higher, his lips parting over his teeth, making his eyes gleam in a way that made Kagome's heart throb and stomach spin. Before she knew what she was doing, Kagome's lips brushed his in a tender, sweet little kiss. Inuyasha's palm slid over her cheek, pausing her retreat for as many seconds as he could steal. His eyes danced with hers before he kissed her once more then pulled away.

"Sorry," she whispered coyly, "I didn't mean to interrupt you."

"Dummy—" He cradled her face affectionately— "You never gotta apologize for kissing me."

She flushed. "I apologized for interrupting you, not kissing you, dummy," she added, throwing her voice to impersonate him.

He rolled his eyes, leaning his weight and heat against her. He sat like that for a couple heartbeats before he spoke again. "You wanna know when I knew I was totally fucked, Kagome? At the cafe, after you kissed me."

Kagome huffed a small laugh. "I don't think that's as romantic as you think it sounds."

"I'm not tryin' to be romantic; I'm bein' serious." His head turned to regard her with a look that was probably supposed to be reprimanding, but all Kagome saw was alarm in his golden gaze. "I tasted you and I was fuckin' ensnared by you. You and your goddamn mouth, Kagome," he cursed. "One fuckin' kiss... I'd always been in control. Always. I have to be to keep my inner demon in check. But you got to me with one fuckin' kiss. Somethin' inside me snapped after that, and I knew I'd never be able to go back." His hand slowly rose to sweep the hair away from her uninjured shoulder, his palm resting on the peak afterwards. The weight and heat of his grip blanched her face. "I wanted more of you, Kagome, your body, your smart mouth, and I wanted it with an intensity that scared the fuck outta me." He huffed a soft exhale, his palm scraping down her bicep, her forearm, gripping her fingers over her thigh. "If it scared me, I could've only imagined how you would've reacted. So I did my best to keep my shit together and go at your pace."

"My stick-in-the-mud pace, you mean?" Her goading tone provoked a chuff of laughter from him. She hummed a laugh. "I sure must've surprised you then, when I agreed to come back to your place."

Inuyasha's grip shook with a nervousness that made Kagome gaze up at him softly. Her hold on him tightened. "Is it possible to get addicted to somethin' that scares you?" he whispered. "Can somethin' terrify you to the point you crave more of that terror? 'Cause that's how I felt leaving with you. I had no fuckin' clue what I was doing, bringin' you home with me, but holy shit, I wanted it. I offered before I could think about it and you said yes before I could consider takin' it back."

Kagome watched the strokes of Inuyasha's thumb against her palm as he spoke. "The first time I wondered if I was feelin' a mate-pull was later that night, when you were at the condo. I was too fucked up after things with Kikyou to think about a new, lifelong commitment, let alone finding my match for all fuckin' time. But you made me feel a way I hadn't before, and I guess you can say the seed was planted. I learned about your asshat of an ex and my demon blood raged. I'd never wanted to protect anything—" He brushed his knuckles across her cheek, his stare warm and deep—"anyone so fiercely. Fuck, that scared me."

Something clicked in Kagome's mind then. That beautiful, shocking comment he had made just after he gave her his pajamas to wear. It had been so unexpectedly lovely, so Inuyasha, she still remembered it clearly:

Isn't there some bullshit adage about doors closing and windows opening? he had said. Maybe the universe had some crap reason for dumpin' my ass on your table, of all places, the day Kikyou officially ended things.

Inuyasha's gaze fell on hers for a moment, observing the widening of her eyes and her parting lips. Bowing his head, his eyes plummeted to her mouth. Kagome's breath caught, expecting him to kiss her; however, he pressed the back of her hand to his mouth instead. It stunned her enough to blush, watching him speak with her hand masking his mouth. His lips and breath tickled her skin.

"For the longest time after that, I didn't even let myself use your name and the word mate in the same sentence. 'Cause if I thought you could be my mate, that meant I'd have to tell the Council, and then they'd get involved, and I had no fuckin' clue how to talk to you about all that." He scoffed a self-deprecating laugh, emerging from behind their clasped hands. "I didn't have the balls to call takin' you out for coffee a date, or when I asked you to go out for dinner. Maybe it makes me a fuckin' coward, but I couldn't upheave the history of my life to you, and I knew getting close to you meant I'd have to tell you. And then I learned you were all kinds of messed up 'cause of Hojo and bein' disappointed constantly and—"

He stopped to catch his breath, his eyes lingering on their joined hands, which he lifted to hold above his heart. Every beat was a tremor in her blood through the veins on the back of her hand. "As soon as you came into my life, Kagome, I wanted you. I didn't have a label for it, or a plan, or an understanding of the extent, but there was this underlyin' need I felt in my blood to keep you near me. Then all you wanted was a friend, and then to kiss, and if that was the only way I got to keep you around then I'd do just that. Sure, it wasn't my kind of intimacy, and I struggled to feel close to you at first 'cause of the lack of sex, but I realized I would compromise on a ton of shit to keep you; 'cause any part of you in my life, even just your smart mouth, was enough. I decided I'd prove to both of us that I could stay in control and keep my shit together."

The gentleness of his admission had Kagome shifting closer to Inuyasha, her shoulder pressing into the sleeve of his t-shirt, her thigh running the length of his. The hand that wasn't holding hers lifted to seek out her face, cupping her cheek so briefly it made her heart stutter. With a gossamer touch, the backs of his fingers traced her jaw, one lone digit breaking loose to draw the shape of her bottom lip. Breath held, heart pounding, she kissed the pad of his thumb on its next sweep of her mouth.

Her tender act seemed to startle Inuyasha out of a trance. He blinked furiously and leaned away from her, clearing his throat. "So yeah, I decided I'd happily do nothin' but kiss you and hope that, with time, maybe things might become more between us or—"

"More between us?" Her head recoiled sharply over her shoulders as her frown created deep ridges above her nose. She put distance between them on the couch. "But you never wanted more. How many times did we argue about that? God...so many times! You didn't want a relationship for the longest time, Inuyasha! You wanted nothing to do with an emotional connection! You just wanted a sexual outlet because Kikyou made you repress—"

"I know what I said and how I—" He sighed, covering his eyes shamefully with both hands. "You have to understand, Kagome... I was, and still am to some extent, an ignorant shit about things when it comes to mating. I was never convinced I actually had a mate; after all the useless runnin' around in my youth, I thought it all bullshit. So I never really cared to have more than a rough handle on the subject.

"In our early days, I didn't want a relationship with you 'cause I was worried that, if you were my mate, an emotional connection would trigger the Urge in me. But that didn't stop me from feelin' protective of you and your fragile heart comin' outta your shit with Hojo. I just...didn't know enough about mating to be confident I wouldn't accidentally do somethin' to bind us together, and that freaked me the fuck out; it made me wanna keep my distance from you, emotionally. Plus, you can't pretend you weren't super fuckin' anti-big emotions for the longest time too, Kagome." He exhaled loudly and turned away from the pout she threw at him. "If I fucked up and bonded with you, it would've meant the Council would know you exist, and I wanted to protect you from them and my siring obligations for as long as I could."

Kagome's lips pursed. "You couldn't've, I dunno, asked somebody about mating? Tried to fill in the gaps in your knowledge?"

Inuyasha looked like he had to try really hard not to roll his eyes at her. "'Cause that would've been real fuckin' subtle...the half-demon who never gave a shit about mates suddenly askin' all these questions about it."

When she quirked an eyebrow at him with an unimpressed leer, he growled then cursed under his breath. "I mean, yeah, I guess I could've done that. But...I'm not good with this emotional shit, Kagome—you know that! I get overwhelmed easily, and don't often make the best decisions, and usually say the wrong goddamn thing and—" He stopped for a deep breath and continued a moment later. "Yes, I was a dumbass and didn't actually know what would trigger the mating urge then, but I was also motivated to not develop feelings for you 'cause I was fuckin' terrified of discovering you weren't my mate." His hand covered hers and Kagome felt her heart thud in her chest. "'Cause I started thinking you might be and I didn't wanna prove otherwise. 'Cause if you weren't my mate, I didn't wanna face the choice I'd have to make in the event I did find my mate and would have to—"

"Have to break up with me or try to convince me to share you, which wouldn't have happened." After Inuyasha nodded, Kagome stood to grab herself a glass of water from the kitchen. At the last moment, she redirected and poured herself a half-cup of black coffee. Inuyasha followed her to the kitchen and leaned against the doorjamb, watching her take a sip then clink her nails against the ceramic mug. "So I spent most of our friendship in a Schrodinger's cat kinda situation with you? We weren't dating, or mates, or just friends, but somehow, at the same time, we were actually a little of all three?" Kagome scoffed, hinging at the hips over the island and cupping her mug between both hands. "I knew I should've been more suspicious when you started calling yourself my special friend. And all that time, you were playing along with our little truth game when really you weren't honest with me at all. All the times I asked you for a truth, asked you to tell me how you felt..."

Inuyasha winced. "I know, Kagome, and I'm sorry. I know keepin' shit from you has probably made you doubt me, but I promise you that everythin' that happened between us was real. I never meant to lead you on by not tellin' you I thought we could be mates. Sometimes, yeah, I thought you wouldn't be able to handle it, but mostly I was too much a fuckin' coward to broach the subject with you."

He closed the distance to grab hold of her hands and wrists and drew her to standing. He yanked her towards him until all that stood between them were her bent forearms. Her heart beat a jagged rhythm in her ribcage. Beneath his taut grip, her pulse was heavier, louder. Kagome peered up into the hard lines of his face, his proximity making her hot. From the gruffness of his manhandling her, her robe had started to loosen and sag open at the chest, revealing the teardrop above her breast, the shoal depth of her cleavage beneath her clavicle. Inuyasha arched towards her until his exhales wafted over her cheeks. She blinked up at him with winded surprise, his amber eyes biting in their intensity. Every breath felt heavy in her chest, her body helpless but to respond to him with arousal.

"Don't." That one, hoarsely whispered word made her pulse quiver and her eyelashes flutter.

"I-I'm not doing anything," she breathed, unable to break away from the flare of his gaze.

"I can smell you, Kagome." She blinked at him defenselessly. The grip on her wrists tightened, the heat between her legs pulsing, his head dipping closer until their noses touched. Then, in a tone less taunting, "Do you have any idea how hard this is? Openin' up to you about all this? I'm barely keepin' my shit together as it is. I won't be able to get through it all if you keep smellin' so aroused."

Her eyes narrowed at him defiantly before she gave a tug to try and escape his grasp. She didn't try for another when his hold didn't budge. "Then stop being so arousing, Inuyasha."

The right side of his mouth perked up with a wry little grin. "I didn't realize that's what I was doin'." His gaze fell to absorb the displayed swells of her breasts beneath the parted lapels of her robe. His eyebrow quirked. "You should really put on somethin' more substantial." When his nose and mouth forcibly met the side of Kagome's neck, she held her breath, hoping that could keep more arousal from dampening the inside of her thighs. "In fact," he emphasized into her skin after a deep inhale, "maybe we should hit pause so you can go shower."

"Wh—?"

"'Cause the smell of my cum on your skin is drivin' me crazy."

Kagome made an incredulous noise in the back of her throat. "How is that any different than smelling the Drop on me?"

He nuzzled her mating veins with the tip of his nose, making her suck in a short breath. "You smell freshly fucked Kagome. It's makin' me miss your couch, miss the way your body squeezes my cock."

"Inuyasha..."

"What?"

"I thought I told you to stop being arousing?"

He snickered against her ear, the sudden plume of his hot breath making her gasp in spite of herself. He chuckled darkly before saying, "Stop makin' it so easy to arouse you then."

"Horndog," she teased in a hissing breath. Then she said, more seriously, "I'm owed this story, Inuyasha..." His grip firm on her wrists, her palms pushed against his pectorals to insert space between them, so she could cast him up a stern glance.

"Then go change so I can focus," he answered haughtily.

"Why?" She huffed a quiet laugh. "Is my current outfit making it a little hard for you to stay on topic, Inuyasha?" Her eyes ricocheted between his hold on her and his heavy gaze. "Maybe I like keepin' you a little off-balance—makes things feel a bit more equal between us."

His nose brushed hers, his crooked grin blazing. "Is that what I do, Kagome? Make you a little unstable?"

"You know you do," she answered hoarsely. Her chin tilted up until their lips brushed. "You know the effect you have on me, Inuyasha."

His eyes crinkled beneath his barbed smirk. "And what effect is that, Kagome?"

She followed the pounce of his eyes between hers for a silent, tense moment before she ripped her arms from his grip using the momentum of her body. She took a few cautious steps backwards, gripping her robe closed over her clavicle. "You're a diversion and you know it. You make it impossible to focus on anything else."

Inuyasha grinned, leaning a hand on the counter. His muscles rippled beneath the pose, his face a nonchalant display of masculine playfulness as his eyes roved her curves. "You're pretty good at the art of distraction yourself. I don't even remember what we were talkin' about."

Kagome flicked her eyes up at the ceiling with irritation before she turned her back to him to adjust and retie her dressing robe. She double-knotted it for good measure. The weight of his stare was labourious while she poured Inuyasha a cup of coffee. She doctored it up the way he liked then extended it out to him. "Here, sip this and cool your hormones; otherwise, neither of us will be getting any closure tonight."

He snorted and accepted the mug, looking annoyed that he resigned to listen to her. After a few brisk sips, he deposited it with an echoing clunk on the countertop. His eyes narrowed as his playfulness seemed to fade. "There's always been this push and pull between us, Kagome. You know that, right?"

She cast him a confused glance. "Of course I know that. How the hell could I ever miss it? It's what made things so freaking confusing with you in the early days."

He chuffed. "It was that sorta shit that made me suspect we were mates, y'know. My need for control that was slipperier than a fish. You taunting and flirting with me, telling me how attracted you were to me, tellin' me you wanted me, actin' so fuckin' obvious in how conflicted you were to be holdin' yourself back. Between your texts and your calls, you were this constant presence in my days and weeks; one I didn't wanna lose. It gave me hope that you felt some kinda pull to me like I felt to you."

"I did feel drawn to you, Inuyasha," she admitted reluctantly. "I still do." The confession landed heavily between them, making both retreat to their respective coffees. Kagome sighed, lowering the mug before saying, "That's part of the reason why I'm so upset with you for keeping all this from me. It would've helped me make sense of so much between us; I wouldn't have needed to feel so conflicted if I knew being mates was the reason I felt the way I did." She leaned a hip against the counter, crossing her arms and holding her mug against her bicep. "I regret how long it took us to become close, Inuyasha, how long it took me to stop being so afraid of getting close to you. If I knew you were my mate, maybe I wouldn't have tried to hold back or hide my emotions. We probably could've been together sooner, you know?" She exhaled again, her chest feeling tight. "It makes me feel dumb for having tried to fight how I felt for you, the inevitability of me giving in."

He took a cautious step towards her. When she didn't retreat, he approached until she was close enough to touch. With that unsettling speed of his, he removed the mug from her hands and placed it next to her on the counter, leaving her fingers free for him to claim. "Obviously I regret how long I let things go without sayin' something. I never meant to upset you, Kagome. I never wanted to hurt you." He cradled the side of her face before seeing the pained expression she wore. After tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, he detached himself from her. He lingered close enough that Kagome was accosted by the warmth and headiness of his scent. Retrieving her mug, she held it in front of her breast like a pathetic ceramic shield. "We'd argue about what we were doin' together, and I'd throw out there you always had the option to leave and never see me again, but you always answered you didn't want that; you didn't wanna let me go any less than I could let you."

"Of course I didn't want to let you go," she answered meekly. "You joked that I weaseled my way into your heart, but it's always felt like you had some kind of vice grip on mine. Even though there were times I wished I could walk away, I never seemed able to." Shifting her mug to one hand, she slowly reached for him. As their fingers intertwined, the look of sheer relief on his face that she braved the distance was enough to make tears sting her nose.

"I thought it was weakness," she sighed, staring at their entwined hands, "that it was my being so pathetically love-obsessed and affection-deprived that made me refuse to walk away, even though you were driving me fucking crazy." She forced a laugh, which made him sputter a small one. "But it was never that, was it? Because the push and pull we felt was just something bigger than us trying to get us to the same place, but we were too unsynchronized to know it."

Kagome hadn't realized she lowered her gaze to the floor until Inuyasha's fingers were beneath her chin, luring her back into a sauna of amber. She took a deep breath to calm her stuttering heart. "When did you go from suspecting to start feeling more sure that I was your mate?"

His thumb stroked the nook of her chin. "The day when you were home sick and I gave you that massage. But even then, I wasn't sure; it just became a stronger suspicion." He huffed a soft laugh. "When my hands were on your shoulder and neck, I thought I felt drawn to your mating veins, which I hadn't before. I thought I may've been goin' crazy or somethin', so I kissed your neck and remember doin' something with my teeth to see if your veins responded. Not only did you give me a reaction like you liked my fangs, but your pulse became louder to me after that."

"You sound like you were trying to trigger the Urge or something," she provoked. "What happened to you not—?"

"By that point, I'd decided I wanted to figure you out more than I was scared of them." Them. The Council.

Kagome swallowed, having to look away from the intensity behind his stare. "But you were still scared of them, Inuyasha, because you still didn't say anything." When he eventually nodded sullenly, she sighed heatedly. "So, you felt my mating veins calling to you," Kagome reiterated. She rolled her eyes boldly. "That sounds like you should've been confident at that point that I was your mate, Inuyasha."

He shook his head. "I can't begin to tell you how faint it was, Kagome. After I left your place, my brain was all over the place, thinkin' about you, your mouth, your body and those stupid fuckin' little tank tops you always wear—" She exhaled a breathy laugh— "I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted you. For the life of me I couldn't tell if it was the early signs of the Urge that I picked up or if you were just super into what we were doin'. Was it your racing pulse or specifically your mating veins that I noticed? I couldn't say for sure." His fingers grazed her throat and goosebumps erupted down Kagome's arms, making her shiver. "It sure as hell wasn't anythin' like what I feel now."

She swallowed noisily as the pads of his fingers lingered over her mating veins. "And what does it feel like now?"

His palm found her cheek, his thumb stroking slow, lazy curves back and forth. Kagome closed her eyes against the tenderness of it. Gestures like that really reinforced how ridiculous it was to think she could ever refuse him. "It's this blatant throbbing in your neck that I can sense like hearin' a vibration," he breathed huskily. "I hear it in the rush of your blood, taunting my willpower every time I'm near you. I can smell it in your skin, this added layer to your scent that drives me up the fuckin' wall."

Kagome leaned in like she considered kissing him but paused when the bridge of his nose found and began caressing hers. The mug discarded on the counter once more, her fingers clenched the hem of his t-shirt to prevent him from doing anything but stand there and touch her. Quivering, she stepped into his warmth like it was feeling cold that had her body trembling and not an overwhelming wave of love. It was a gentle, quiet moment that made everything else around them obsolete. For a few seconds, she forgot what had brought them together for this tenderness in the first place. There was only Inuyasha, his heat, his musk, his palm wrapping her nape, his cheek against hers, his coffee-rich breath lacquering her ear. Goosebumps. Inuyasha reduced her to nothing but the devastated meter of her heart and goosebumps.

Then her brain made her remember that he was supposed to be working his way through an apology-by-way-of-explanation and Kagome pulled away as smoothly as unsticking a burr from her clothes. He looked as dazed and confused as she felt, fumbling out of his embrace. Inuyasha flushed and cleared his throat. He took an unsteady step backward, looking like he also hadn't meant to get swept up in a moment with her.

Kagome had to say something or else her hands and lips were going to seek him out again immediately. "So you left my apartment after maybe, maybe not, sensing my mating veins...and...?"

Sighing loudly, Inuyasha retreated behind the island to lower himself onto his elbows. His hands clapped as they came together, fingers seated between prominent knuckles. It felt equal parts safe and wrong, her kitchen island standing between them now. Kagome gripped the edge of the counter behind her, waiting for him to speak. "There were a couple Fridays I couldn't see you. I told you it was because of work shit, but—"

"You were doing Right Hand things, weren't you?" Inuyasha's eyes zipped to hers before turning back to his clenched hands. He nodded slowly. "I wondered that," she sighed. "When I was thinking over everything, I had wondered how many times you said you were at the gym when really you were with Sesshoumaru, or how many times you used trading and client meetings or get-togethers as a cover story."

"I hated doin' it," he said in a barely there voice, his ears wilting above his head. "I hated lying and keepin' that shit from you, bein' kept from you when I would've so much preferred to see you." He grit his teeth. "But it's not like I could've just said 'I can't see you,' 'cause you would've practically harassed me to know why."

"That's not true," she fought back indignantly.

Her eyes widened with a furrow when Inuyasha immediately rasped a gruff, chuckling, "Bullshit." Then, with an eyeroll, he added, "'Cause when I was intentionally vague about not bein' able to see you the night of the new moon, you definitely didn't push at all to know why..."

Kagome flushed at how blatantly he called her out like that. "Alright, fine," she admitted through a clenched jaw, "maybe I would've asked you why you couldn't see me, but that could've been an opportunity for you to tell me about this stuff, Inuyasha, not dig yourself a bigger hole!"

"You don't think I know that?"

Kagome scoffed a frustrated sound and turned so she didn't have to look at him. Her eyes hovering over her coffee machine, she asked, "Am I allowed to know what you were doing for Sesshoumaru? Can I even ask what a Right Hand to the Lord General does?"

"My actual title, in case you care, is High Lord and Right Hand of the Lord General," Inuyasha said, making Kagome's eyes flash to his. Looking uncomfortable, he broke away from her stare to say, "It's my job to ensure demons stay obedient to the monarchy, to Sesshoumaru. If we catch wind of someone talkin' shit or doin' shit to undermine us, I either gotta deal with it directly or delegate to my security team. I only handle the shit in and around Japan; outside of that, either my team goes to deal with it or Sesshoumaru does, depending on the level of threat and response needed."

Kagome suddenly felt very overwhelmed by the amount of authority Inuyasha clearly had, which she hadn't let herself really think about before. "You have a security team?"

Inuyasha blanched at the look she cast him. "Yeah. The Right Hand is essentially head of security for the monarchy."

"Oh," she said with a nod of her head, "and...what does that entail exactly? Being head of security? Ensuring obedience?"

Inuyasha shrugged aloofly. "Lots of goin' around and issuin' threats. Occasionally exiling an inciter. Often, it's just beating the shit outta demons who step outta line. A few times, I've had to carry out an execution when some asshole's really fucked up."

Her stomach felt leaden, hearing Inuyasha validate what Myoga had told her in Nocturne Tower about Inuyasha having previously taken a life. A few times, apparently. "And what sorta stuff makes an execution necessary?" The word 'execution' felt heavy and unnatural forming over her tongue.

"Assassination attempts on the royal family. Assholes takin' steps to start a coup."

"So...like what you previously told me about demons coming after you and your mom that one new moon?"

Inuyasha pulled a discomfited expression. "Yeah—except Sesshoumaru was Right Hand back then so he was the one who dealt with it. There's also been some attempts on Rin's life, like that car accident. Sesshoumaru doesn't tolerate second chances in those kinda situations. Not that I can blame him," he added darkly, "'cause if anybody came after you..." He didn't finish that sentence and Kagome wasn't exactly pushing for him to.

Her mind churned over and digested Inuyasha's words. It made her say, "On our date, you and Myoga were telling me about the security parameters at Nocturne Tower, something about an enforcement crew..."

Inuyasha nodded. "Yeah, that's, uh...that's all me."

Kagome nodded, her morale falling to learn yet another truth that had been sidestepped. "So you were really at Nocturne Tower those times you told me you had trading stuff you had to do?"

Inuyasha huffed an annoyed exhale. "No. I told you I respond to issues across Japan. Over those couple of weeks...I wasn't even in the city."

Kagome didn't know what else to say regarding the topic, so after a palpably large silence, she offered, "I enjoyed seeing you on Fridays, y'know? It was the one part of the week I looked forward to most. But...it's not like I could complain, I guess. I still got to see you once a week after that. Like that night you came over when I was dumb and drunk and—" She stopped herself, forcing a weak laugh. Shaking her head, she said softly, "The night you had a date with someone else."

Kagome caught his bristling flinch out of the corner of her eye. He seemed to soften when he opened his mouth again. "I didn't trust myself to see you more than that. One night a week of you was all my demon blood could take, all that my already failing control could handle." Inuyasha clenched his jaw, rocking his molars as he ground them together.

"The Council was all over me with renewed fervour about findin' my mate and breeding, and Miroku finally talked me into takin' some chick on a date in the hopes it would get the Council off my ass." Kagome recoiled like she had already seen this movie and knew a jump-scare was coming. "So I told 'em I was exploring a lead on my mate and didn't give two shits if they looked into the woman I was with, 'cause all I cared about was that she kept them off your scent, that she wasn't you, that the Council wouldn't know you exist and that you were precious to me." He flushed and lowered his head to hide behind a wall of silver hair. Embarrassment wafted off him like his words had gotten away from him. Kagome couldn't help the conservative upturn of her lips.

"But the entire time I'm out with this other chick, all I could think about was you, Kagome, how fuckin' badly I wanted this woman to be you, and I realized how stupid I was for not just makin' you mine, for allowin' both our lives to be so easily manipulated because of those assholes. And then your drunk-ass texted me—" He laughed, sliding his hand over hers, which startled Kagome because she hadn't realized she approached the island; she thought she'd only considered doing that— "and I didn't wanna stay away from you...I missed you too damn much. But then, in addition to sayin' you missed me too, your dumbass said you didn't wanna know if I ended up boning this other chick, and I got mad. It pissed me off that I'd made you think I could happily fuck someone else with everything goin' on between us. So I ended the date 'cause I needed to see you. I felt like I needed to make it up to you."

"You didn't have to—"

"That black dress you were wearin' still haunts my goddamn dreams, y'know." Kagome couldn't help but laugh a defeated little sound as Inuyasha brought her palm to his mouth to kiss. "Lowcut and soldered to your fuckin' skin and curves like I could see your pulse and every breath through it. I was beside myself wanting you, which was only made worse by the smell of your lust and your relief to see me. It fuckin' hurt, honestly...seein' how relieved and happy you were when I showed up, when I felt like I hadn't done anything to deserve that kinda response from you."

He paused to wet his mouth with his likely cold coffee. "I'd always known I was fucked when it came to you, but that night it became a different kinda fucked, 'cause emotions were no longer off the table. I was overwhelmed with the need to claim you like I was hit over the goddamn head with it. Whatever it was about you that I couldn't get enough of, it was drivin' me mad; I needed to dissect your scent all the way to your blood to figure out what the fuck it was about you that called to me."

There's somethin' about your scent right now that's just really doin' it for me. It's your shampoo, it's your lotion, it's your perfume, it's the booze, it's your lust. It's just this fuckin' incredible concoction of things in your skin that are all just...you.

Kagome's cheeks flushed, recalling his words, his honesty, and how infatuated she had felt with him back then because of it.

He kissed the heart of her palm again. "That was the night I realized I couldn't just pretend to be friends with you anymore. I knew you were scared of intimacy, but it was like watchin' you wage a war against yourself; you wanted me but you wouldn't let yourself have me.

"From that point on, I started evaluating every little gesture, touch, every kiss, to determine if you felt a pull to me." He grit his teeth before he spoke next. "As much as it scared me shitless, that night, I put myself out there, desperate to see if you were drawn to me as badly as I needed you. I was so fuckin' close to beggin' you to give me a chance, Kagome. You stunk of lust when I unzipped your dress and I fuckin' lost it. But you still wouldn't let us happen...you didn't want me to stay. It was the first time I'd really put myself out there with you and you didn't just shut me down you—"

"I probably made you think I regretted it, being close with you like that, even though I didn't regret it...I could never." Kagome took a deep breath to stay the tears that prickled behind her eyes. "I was no better than Kikyou," she admitted in a disconsolate voice. "Getting you worked up to the point you put yourself out there just for me to tell you no." She covered his hands with hers. "I'm so sorry, Inuyasha. It's just...I was scared, and you—"

"I know," he cut in. "I know you were scared, Kagome. You were scared of too much, too soon, of opening yourself up just to be hurt again. But I need you to understand that it was that fear of yours that made me keep my mouth shut. I was so fuckin' confused and conflicted over what to do with you, 'cause you were a goddamn walking contradiction—sometimes you seemed totally against the idea of commitment, and I wanted to respect what you wanted, your pace or whatever; yet, other times, you so clearly wanted love and to be loved that I'd try to get close to you, but you'd freeze and shutdown or bolt."

He cupped her chin and stared past the tears lacing her lashes until she felt that golden stare piercing its way through to her very soul. "That one time at your apartment, you told me you wanted passion; you wanted to be desired. You said you wanted a relationship that felt necessary and substantial, a love that you couldn't live without, and I wanted to give all of that to you, Kagome, but I didn't know how. I didn't know how to overcome your fear let alone my own. I didn't know how to guarantee you'd trust me to give you all of that when the entire time I'd been keepin' this huge part of my life from you. Yeah, it was probably my selfish fear of losing you that ultimately made me not tell you, but I've only ever wanted your happiness, Kagome, I swear."

Kagome practically jumped to the other side of the island where Inuyasha stood. As soon as his posture straightened, she burrowed her face in his neck, squeezing her arms around his middle. It would've been so easy to distract them both with kisses in the wake of those sweet sentiments. But Kagome was too hungry to have him share something for her to pass up the appropriate segue, given where they were in the timeline. "Tell me about our fight," she said into his shirt. "I wanna hear your side of what happened. What were you thinking? Why did it seem like everything between us changed afterwards?"

He encircled his arms around her shoulders and rested his chin in her hair. Widening his stance to lean against the island's counter, Kagome occupied that open space by stepping into him, sealing their bodies together. "Our fight happened 'cause I lost control," he muttered plainly into her hair. "I told you it'd been hard for me to keep my shit together with you, and the way our call ended up, I grew frustrated, panicked, and desperate, and I reacted badly. I was pissed 'cause I thought you could be my mate but you were pullin' back, refusing to give us a chance, give me a chance to try and prove it, and I fuckin' hated it. I was so mad at myself, mad at my situation, that I took it out on you."

Inuyasha fell silent for a few heavy breaths before he burrowed his nose in her hair and continued. "Then you had to go and say that things between us felt more intense for you, and you confessed to havin' feelings for me. I felt badly that yelling at me was how you ended up tellin' me, but hearing all that got my hopes up. Here you'd been, this whole damn time, dangling yourself in front of me like some midway prize, and I thought I was gonna finally get to claim you. But then you started sayin' you wanted a plan, a promise, a commitment of my intentions when that was the exact opposite of what I wanted, 'cause a plan for my future is what the Council had always wanted for me. I heard your desperation and the words you were usin' and I just saw another attempt to trap me."

He paused to catch his breath, pressing a tight-lipped kiss to the crown of her head when he heard her sniffle and felt the beginnings of dampness on his t-shirt. "I didn't wanna lie to you anymore than I already had, Kagome. You wanted structure and labels and an understanding of what the future could look like for us, and all I could think was that you could be my mate. Everybody wanted me to commit to somethin', to jump through all their fuckin' hoops and...I lost it. Then you wanted me to tell you how I felt about you, and I wasn't ready to open up about the potential of bein' mates and all the shit I'd have to unpack with that, so I hedged, which just made shit worse between us."

Kagome wiped her eyes with the back of her hand before she arched her back to look up at him. "That fight was when you called your relationship with Kikyou a cage. You really thought I wanted to trap you, Inuyasha? I...I didn't mean for it to sound like—"

"All I remember is that after you told me you had feelings for me, after you told me what you were hopin' for, I started feelin' backed into a corner and I reacted badly 'cause of it." He exhaled slowly, bowing forward to rest his chin against her forehead. "And bein' with Kikyou was a cage; one I built for myself. I spent most of a decade having trapped myself in somethin' useless and pointless that didn't meet any of my needs 'cause it was the one time in my life I got a reprieve from the Council about my responsibilities to breed heirs."

Kagome cupped his cheeks, guiding his face towards her to kiss the point of his chin. "I'm so sorry you had this private struggle behind the scenes that I had no idea existed, Inuyasha. I wish you had told me so I could've taken some of the weight off your shoulders from carrying around all these secrets." She exhaled haughtily. "You also already know how I feel about your ex, so I won't belabour that. But even though I didn't know I was doing it, I'm sorry I hurt you, Inuyasha, by treating you the way she did. I'm sorry I was so difficult—"

"Kagome, you really don't need—"

"Shush—let me finish. I'm sorry I was difficult and made things harder for you than they needed to be, given everything else in your life. I never, ever, want you to feel like you're trapped with me—"

"Kagome, I don't... I just—"

"Hey! I said shush." She gave him a pointed, silencing look before she continued again. "I want you to be with me because it makes you happy. I want you to choose to stay with me because I add something of value to your life, not because of any obligation or because of this grandiose, universal connection that's completely outside of our control. You and me have accidentally hurt each other in a lot of dumb ways because of our fears and good intentions. Yes, I was terrified of having my heart broken again, but that doesn't excuse my behaviours or actions, and I'm so sorry for all the confusion and conflict I caused by not being straight with you about how I feel.

"I promise you, Inuyasha, from here on out, no more hiding behind my insecurities, no more acting like Kikyou, no more confusing, mixed signals Kagome. It's not fair of me to expect you to be honest with me when I don't do the same. No more truth games, just the truth. Because I care about you and I want you to be happy. Not trapped, not settling, not good enough...happy."

Inuyasha stared at her a good ten seconds before his expression hardened. "You done?" She nodded, licking her lips. "Good, now it's your turn to shut up and listen. 'Cause you make me the happiest I've ever been in my whole goddamn life, Kagome, and if you can't notice that I'm trying to be a better person 'cause of you then you're even dumber and more unobservant than me. Just because we had one argument where I panicked and thought you were tryin' to trap me in another loveless relationship doesn't mean my overall impression is you wanna see me shackled to you. Not once in the time I've known you have I ever considered stickin' around because I'm obligated to or 'cause I feel destined to be with you, or some garbage like that. I'm with you because I would fuckin' kill to make you smile, to be the one who makes you laugh so hard it makes you snort—which I know you hate, but holy fuck is it ever endearing—because when you are happy, Kagome, it makes you fuckin' glow and it is damn near impossible to be miserable in your presence.

"I've done a lotta shit I'm not proud of and even more shit I regret, but you, Kagome...you, darlin', will never, ever, be somethin' I regret, someone I'm ever just coping with or staying with out of obligation or necessity or universal bullshit. I would do anything for your forgiveness and will do everything in my power to make sure you and me make it through to the other side of all this, because livin' my life without you is no longer an option. Earning your love will be my proudest goddamn accomplishment, and I'm nowhere near done yet. Understand?"

Speechless. Thoughtless. Breathless. Words didn't exist in the wake of Inuyasha's emotional devastation. His comments reduced her to the merciless drives of her hammering heart. Kagome's mind was a loading bar. She was buffering, cueing, rendering, patching. Inuyasha looked frazzled, flustered in a way that was almost too calm. All she could do was observe how his shoulders moved with each breath, the lure of his lips, parted for each heaving inhalation. Kagome laced her fingers behind his neck and pushed up on her toes to kiss him. Her mouth came away warm and wet with his saliva. "I understand," she whispered against his lips, placing one more kiss. "Thank you."

His head retreated from the small brushes of her mouth and he sighed loudly, his breath wafting over her face. "You got anythin' else you wanna say to all that?"

She shook her head.

"So I can keep explainin' my side of our stupid fight from before?"

She nodded.

"Good."

"Actually," she blurted, just as her heels came back in contact with her kitchen floor. "I have a question about our fight." After Inuyasha inclined his head in encouragement, she said, "The way our phone call ended...the fight...why did you, I mean, what was your reason for comparing yourself to my ex?"

I know your ex fucked you up, but I know you want me to fuck you more.

I've left you aching more with just my mouth than that asshole ever did with his dick!

Do you ever fantasize about the times you were with him? When he was inside you? Not the way you fantasize about having me inside you.

It seemed to take Inuyasha a few seconds, whether to remember what she was talking about or to rally a response, she wasn't sure. He began his explanation with a loaded sigh. "How you felt about your ex played a huge role in why I didn't open up to you about everything. I thought—which I now realize was stupid of me, obviously—but I thought if I could get you to realize what you had with Hojo was nothin' compared to what was happening between us, then maybe you'd start to see that too and come around, which meant I'd finally be able to come clean about everything. But bringin' up Hojo was obviously a fuckin' mistake 'cause it just made things escalate until you hung up on me."

Kagome winced. After a tense, laboured moment of silence, she licked her lips and opened her mouth to say something but felt her words falter when Inuyasha's palm swiped her bangs from her forehead and his lips seared her skin.

"Feelin' guilty after our fight, I told myself I'd leave the ball in your court to reach out to me when you were ready and wanted to," he breathed. "Then a day passed, and then a couple more, and I didn't hear from you. Even though the silence was as good as torture, I decided if you hadn't reached out by the time a week had passed, I'd get over myself and reach out to you." His palm cupped the back of her head, pressing her face into his throat. His other arm enveloped her tightly around the waist. "I didn't know how to apologize to you, Kagome. I know I hurt you, that I upset you with bein' so pushy and sayin' the shit I did to get a reaction outta you, but unloading all my shit in the aftermath of that fight would've taken away from my apology and makin' you feel better, so I just...didn't.

"So, the week passed, and I thought I'd be a reckless idiot and try to surprise you. When I found out you weren't home when I buzzed for you to let me in, I called Miroku to bitch about how I'd probably fucked things up with you; he was the one who suggested I show up at your work with my peace offering." He sighed a disingenuous laugh. "That's when I came up with the idea of drivin' you home. So, I picked up Miroku, told him he owed me for that bullshit date, and showed up at your work, hopin' I made the right call." He exhaled loudly, kissing her forehead again. "I'd never been so nervous, drivin' you home. I had myself convinced you weren't gonna forgive me for how I acted during that fight. But you did, and not only that but you admitted to bein' willing to let our relationship progress into more."

Inuyasha brushed the hair away from her cheek and cradled the side of her face, tipping her head back so she looked at him. Inching closer until she could taste the warmth of coffee on his breath, his lips brushed hers. Just as Kagome was about to try and deepen the kiss, he pulled away. He stared at her with this blend of wonder and incredulity engrained on his face. Weakened and overcome. That's how Kagome felt beneath the intimate intensity with which he gazed at her.

Earning your love will be my proudest goddamn accomplishment, and I'm nowhere near done yet.

Oh, Inuyasha, her mind sighed. You clearly have no idea how insanely in love with you I am...do you?

"Somehow," he said softly, the sensation of his fingers in her hair drawing her back to this present moment, "you knew that it wasn't the emotions themselves that scared me but the part where you wanted a committed plan outta me—or a roadmap or blueprint or whatever we called it. I had hurt your feelings but there you were, wantin' to clarify your intentions and the things you'd said so I felt comfortable movin' on from our fight." He huffed a laugh, detangling sections of her hair with his claws. The motions of his fingers tickled and made her scalp tingle. "You just wanted to hear me tell you I wouldn't abandon you after you fell for me—" Even though there wasn't a trace of cockiness in his assumption that she'd fall for him, Kagome flushed and looked away— "and I could never do that, Kagome. Not then. Not now. Not ever.

"Up until that point, you'd been pretty vocal that you didn't want big emotions, period. But then, there you were, willin' to face the shit that scared you, the possibility of more between us and encountering big emotions. It was inspiring as fuck, honestly." Kagome coughed a laugh, making Inuyasha's eyes crinkle with his smile as his claws trailed the shell of her ear. "For someone who had been so fearful, you were downright fearless tryin' to make me feel better, and it made me realize that if you could be brave for me, I could overcome all my shit to be brave for you too."

He kissed her again, their lips labouring a touch longer than he allowed previously. Kagome's heart was reckless with its fluttering rhythm. "That's when I realized I didn't just think you could be my mate, but holy shit, I wanted you to be my mate, despite what that meant. 'Cause before our fight? I had been a fuckin' baby just usin' the word. But after? I realized mate had become synonymous with Kagome, and that discovery made me less scared of the idea. 'Cause having you for my mate, Kagome, could make me brave."

Inuyasha's emotive, golden stare met the widened, happy surprise of Kagome's dark brown, and he grinned. A palm on the side of her face, he led her lips to his, savouring the coffee-infused flavour of his de facto mate. "It was then that I decided that if somehow you turned out not to be my mate, I didn't want one, 'cause I wanted you to be it for me, Kagome." When she looked up into his face with a beaming, weepy smile that tapered her eyes and forced an incredulous yet happy laugh from her lips, Inuyasha kissed her again. He didn't seem able to help himself. "So you confirmed your feelings and I had all these emotional discoveries floating around my damn head. I had no fuckin' clue what to say to you, how to say all that to you, so I just kissed you," he laughed, "which, thankfully worked out in my favour 'cause I'm pretty sure that kiss would've led to you fucking me if I hadn't stopped you."

Kagome scoffed and dropped her arms, making it so Inuyasha was the only active participant in their embrace. It made him chuckle and hold her around the middle more snugly until Kagome teasingly wheezed from the constraint. He kissed her forehead while his hands settled on her hips. "That's something I will never understand about you," she groaned over a laugh, her breaths steadying after his death-grip hug. "You were on my case about having a sexual relationship for months, and as soon as I decided to throw caution to the wind you put on the brakes."

He flicked his eyes to the ceiling and scoffed lightly at her. "Kagome...just because I welcomed the idea of you being my mate didn't mean I wasn't still nervous about all the political shit that came with mating. In the aftermath of our fight, you wanted to know how I felt about you, and I tripped over my words to not disclose the whole mate thing. I wanted to respect your emotions, your change in heart about the type of relationship you wanted with me. Mating will always be a political thing for me, and I might be emotionally incompetent, but even I could tell that these new feelings between us were fragile. I only ever wanted bein' with you, mating you, and eventually loving you to be about us, not my position, not the Council, not the empire. Us, Kagome."

Eventually loving you...

The red of her cheeks hit a record hue and Kagome sighed so heavily her shoulders sagged. "As sweet as that is...it still doesn't explain why you suddenly seemed so anti-sex, Inuyasha..."

He was the one to sigh then. With frustration. "I was scared of the Urge," he answered briskly, flustered. "Clearly an emotional connection didn't instigate any bond between us, so I started thinkin' it would be sex or an orgasm that triggered it. But I didn't wanna make assumptions about mating anymore, seein' how unnecessarily complicated that made shit for us, so I decided I'd suck it up and talk to Sesshoumaru about it." Inuyasha cradled Kagome's jaw in both his hands and tipped her head back until the smoldering sincerity of his golden eyes with the dark flecks became all she could see. "I wanted you more than I had ever wanted anything or anyone, darlin', but I was terrified my demon blood would lose control during sex and make me bite you where I thought your mating veins were. But that meant I would either be hurting you unnecessarily if you weren't my mate, or I'd be forcin' you into the bond and risking Urge Sickness if you were. I wasn't willin' to risk hurting you, Kagome, so even though it fuckin' sucked and I hated it, I had us put off sex temporarily. I needed to know what you were to me before I could let myself have you."

Kagome flushed. "Speaking of triggering the bond...Rin told me that you learned that lip piercing thing you did from Sesshoumaru; is that true? Because that's how he triggered the Urge in Rin. Something about her blood and his saliva?"

Inuyasha nodded. "Yeah... Getting your blood into my system would've communicated directly with my demon blood, which would be able to recognize its mate. Getting traces of my saliva in your blood stream would've been just enough of me circulating in your nervous system for you to be able to identify the call of my mating veins. That's how Sesshoumaru explained to me, anyway. He told me about how he and Rin bonded, starting with a small bite to her lip. After I learned that, the kiss seemed a surefire way to prove if we were mates.

"Sesshoumaru and me didn't blatantly talk about Urge Sickness, but from the conversation, I was led to believe Urge Sickness only happened when mating veins were bit and the bond wasn't immediately reciprocated. My plan was to bite your lip when we kissed, thinkin' you'd make it obvious somehow that you had this new awareness of my pulse, and that would be my guarantee we were mates. And in the meantime, I needed to figure out a way to claim you."

"Oh... But we didn't go through with the claiming and marking stuff right away though," she said with a blush. "I didn't even know mating or claiming existed until later that week, if you recall."

"Yeah, I know," he said solemnly, before the somber expression vanished as he added, "It's not uncommon amongst demons that marking and claiming turns sexual, which in our case turned out to be true, if you recall." The look on his face made Kagome's heart hiccup. Her eyes flashing away, her cheeks warmed as she bit her bottom lip, trying not to think about the first time she had his mouth between her legs. "I couldn't risk marking you 'cause I worried it'd turn sexual, and I didn't trust my demon blood not to make me lose my shit as soon as you and me got close like that," he said in a far less playful tone. "So, until there was a good time for me to do that lip biting test, I figured I'd buy you a Drop and claim you that way until you and me were in a better place to talk about mating and what that meant."

"Knowing what the Drop means to non-mated couples, you didn't think that too big a gesture when we literally just—?"

He huffed a laugh and kissed her temple. "I'd been hemming and hawin' over you bein' mine forever for a couple months by this point, Kagome. Either you'd end up my mate and wear my bite, or I'd discover you weren't my mate and we'd still share a lifetime together, or as long as you'd give me, with you claimed by the Drop." His gaze roamed the details of her expression while sweeping hair back from her face and tucking it behind her ear.

"But—I know it doesn't matter because I am your mate—but earlier you said you were worried to discover I wasn't your mate...that changed?"

His ears twitched. "Years ago, I was in Sesshoumaru's office after a Council meeting when he and Rin had this blow-up of a fight. Jesus, it was awkward as fuck. Rin learned the Council encouraged us both to consider takin' multiple consorts for breeding purposes, and my asshole of a brother was bein' unnecessarily cold to Rin, having told the Council he'd think about it. She stormed in and went ballistic that he didn't immediately say no. She told him that if he bedded another woman, let alone married one, she said she'd mate him so he could benefit from the bond but that she wouldn't be in a relationship with him. She'd essentially mate him then dump him." His eyes flashed to Kagome. "I'm guessin' Rin told you this story, seein' as that sounds kinda like what you had threatened to do?"

Except it seems Rin's retelling tweaked the details a little...

Kagome paled. "Um...uh, yeah, she told me something like that, yeah."

Inuyasha huffed. "Anyway, for some reason, when I thought about givin' you the Drop, their fight came to mind—maybe 'cause Rin wore a Drop for over a decade. Which reminds me...when I told you the Council wouldn't suspect a mate of wearin' a non-mate token like the Drop, I meant for me and my mate specifically. The way I'd spent decades fightin' the Council about my mate, they'd never assume I'd put any thought into keepin' her—you—from them so blatantly."

He flushed then cleared his throat at the endeared look she tossed him. "But, yeah, so even if I found my mate, I realized I didn't have to be with them. Before, I told you I was scared of you not being my mate 'cause that meant we couldn't be together, but that didn't seem like somethin' I had to worry about anymore. 'Cause how I felt for you changed, Kagome...I'd pick you over anyone else."

It was Kagome's turn to huff a laugh, a bashful one, as she stacked her hands around his neck. "You liked me that much that you'd send your mate away if it wasn't me, huh?"

His cheeks and nose coloured and it made Kagome grin. His eyes fell away from hers as he gently redirected the conversation. "I wanted to tell you about all this that night when I slept over at your place, after you told me the truth about why you stayed with your ex. But what you told me...how you thought you deserved bein' treated...that shit upset me," he admitted, his gaze piercing his half-empty coffee mug. "I was too stunned to be angry, which was honestly a first for me."

Kagome wheezed a quiet laugh. "You were plenty indignant on my behalf, Inuyasha, if memory serves."

He snorted in response. "Yeah, well, I thought you were the most incredible woman I'd ever met, Kagome. Sue me for wishin' you'd see yourself the way I saw you. You were way too good for that fucker and I couldn't believe you didn't see that. It just reinforced how badly I wanted to take care of you, how obviously I was fallin' for you, so—" His fervour and words dropped into silence. The echo of his statement made his cheeks brighten with a newfound heat.

Kagome blinked up at him and Inuyasha cleared his throat and looked away from her suddenly. There were many times in her life when Kagome felt so mortified she wished the floor would open up and swallow her whole. She could recognize that desperate look of embarrassed regret anywhere.

It just reinforced how badly I wanted to take care of you, how obviously I was fallin' for you.

Her mind was spinning so fast with his words on repeat it gave her emotional whiplash. "Inuya—"

"B-but yeah," he sputtered, "so you admitted the whole longer than six years thing, and I wanted to tell you about us maybe-possibly-likely bein' mates, but when I opened my mouth, the words just...weren't there."

Just as Kagome tried to bring them back to his remark about falling for her, Inuyasha pushed forward, his cadence faster. Each new word tripped over the heels of the one before it. "Then, that night when we were makin' out against your door—"

"You mean when you were humping me against my door."

"—I discovered your mating veins calling to me without me fuckin' doing anything to trigger the bond." The toothy smile that brightened his face made Kagome's chest tighten. "That night, Kagome, was probably the happiest of my life. At least until we started fighting 'cause you couldn't mind your own damn business about the night of the new moon."

"Oh shut up," she teased, swatting him in the shoulder, earning a smirk. "But go back for a second, though, you thought my mating veins were calling to you or—?"

"No," he interrupted, "they were. I could feel them, I could hear them, I could smell them. I could taste the promise of our bond in each of your kisses, and it was the most incredible thing I'd ever felt. That's when I realized that biting your lip wouldn't help me determine if we were mates, but to help you discover it. That was the night I knew for sure you were mine, Kagome," he caressed her cheek, kissed the tip of her nose. "My mate. You. All this fucking time. I felt the Urge to mate you that night and it was... The relief was un-fucking-believable."

Mine.

My mate.

That was the night I knew for sure you were mine.

Kagome blushed. God, hearing him call her mine did things to her heart, stomach, and other less polite parts. "Rin said something to me in the restroom about how demons foster an awareness of their mate's mating veins, that if they spend a lot of time together, they just know, or something that like. Is that what happened to trigger your Urge, do you think?"

Inuyasha rested his forehead against hers, taking a few breaths to cherish the racing beat of her heart. His palm cupped her jugular, her pulse and mating veins rebounding in response to his touch. "I guess us bein' together every day at that point was enough to trigger it in my demon blood, yeah," he said, his breath and lips tickling in their gentle grazes, "'cause before that, we were seein' each other only once a week, which mustn't've been often enough to trigger the Urge for me."

Her eyes raced between his. "So you knew we were mates, for sure-for sure, the week of our date, before you bit my lip so I'd sense your mating veins back." Inuyasha nodded. "So...you weren't just being cheeky when you were teasing me about love bites or whatever."

You don't think it'd be sexy as fuck, walkin' around, wearin' a mark like you're mine?

Inuyasha's eyes widened. "You remember that?"

Kagome snorted a laugh. "Of course I do! I told you I'd felt drawn to you the entire time I'd known you, Inuyasha. At some point, I started developing this thing for your teeth, your bite, like I discovered a new kink or something." She flushed, her stomach fluttering with how candidly she admitted that. "Knowing you were turned on by the idea of biting me got me—" Kagome paused and her flush deepened when Inuyasha smirked at her and encouraged her to finish that sentence— "it got me hot," she finally confessed.

Inuyasha bowed his head to press kisses up and down her throat with a lightness that could make velvet or silk seem like sandpaper. "Yeah? Feelin' my fangs against your throat gets you hot, Kagome?"

Kagome struggled to rein back a moan when he dragged his upper teeth down the length of her neck. She caught it when it was halfway out, but it was enough to make Inuyasha chuckle in a deliciously menacing way. "Inuyasha...I need to ask you something."

"Mm?" He was too busy flicking her mating veins with his tongue, kissing the hollow of her throat, to respond otherwise. Kagome pinched her eyes against the pleasure. Otherwise, she would give in to the cowardice of staying silent. But she needed to ask. She had to.

Darlin', I...I'm not gonna bite you.

"Why wouldn't you bite me?"

Her question was so soft, so breathy, the pain it caused her so obvious in its utterance, that Inuyasha winced and drew back from her like a shot. "Kagome..."

"You said I was yours," she pressed, not able to stop herself from speaking even though she just asked him a question. "I know you told me before that you didn't know humans could feel the actual Urge like demons do, but you unknowingly triggered it in me. You wanted me to be able to detect your mating veins, and I did, and I wanted you to bite me, Inuyasha. I wanted to be your mate. I wanted you. I don't know how I could've made that any clearer for you." Her stupid body and overwhelmed emotions had tears blurring her vision.

Even though it looked like it tortured him to do it, Inuyasha held Kagome's face in his hands and looked her straight in her tear-stained, pain-exuding eyes as he said hoarsely, "I had a reason at the time for saying no, but I need you to know that I realize now it was bullshit, okay? I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, Kagome, but sayin' no to you then...I can't think of anything I regret more. I regret sayin' 'no' more than I regret lying to you. I regret not biting you when you asked me to more than fuckin' anything and everything."

He sighed a serrated, breathy exhale. "I promise we'll get to that, Kagome, that you'll know why I didn't do it when I could've. There's more I need to tell you though, about stuff that happened between us before we get to the night of our date, okay? Can you be patient for me to get to that? I need to go in order or else I'm gonna miss somethin', and I-I can't... I need you to know everything. If you choose to forgive me, I need to know that you're forgiving me for all of it, for everything."

Kagome sighed, took a deep breath that burned her lungs, and then nodded. She pulled away from Inuyasha's grip to actually get herself a glass of water. The shush of the faucet and the gulps of her swallows seemed to scream in the silence. The distance between their bodies felt wrong but Kagome forced herself to loiter in that wrongness, forcing herself to remember that she needed to hear everything she'd be forgiving him for before she could give in to how badly she wanted his arms, his kisses, his heart, and everything else that made him him. The desire to finally know everything and understand their dynamic, understand him, was too voracious.

"When you learned I was a half-demon, when I told you about the new moon..." Kagome hadn't been looking at him when he spoke again, and the sudden gruffness of his tone made her jump, turning on the balls of her feet to stare at him. His arms were crossed and his gaze lowered, one ankle crossed over the other where he leaned against the island. "The way you acted...askin' to come over...learning about how I handled bein' alone, about Kikyou...you didn't just subvert my expectations, Kagome, you fuckin' annihilated them." A sarcastic, gruff chuckle flew from his lips. "I wish I had a better vocabulary to properly tell you how much you shocked me and how much I adored you for it."

Inuyasha turned around to lean into his hands, fisting them against the counter. "When you came over this past new moon, you were just...fuck, you were amazing, Kagome. The sweetest, most caring and beautiful thing I'd ever known and I realized I had to go through with biting your lip even though it scared the shit outta me. 'Cause I couldn't help worryin' you wouldn't want it."

"Want what?" she probed when he didn't continue speaking right away.

"Me. Forever. To be my mate. I didn't wanna live without you, Kagome, yet all I could think about was how much better you deserved, how a goddamn angel like you was worthy of so much more than my bullshit. When I'm human...it's easy to catastrophize, to get overwhelmed with depressive thoughts and feelings. I heard you come in that night, and I couldn't stand knowin' how I'd been treating you, and I was drowning in regret and fear. My human side had me convinced you wouldn't choose to be my mate. That I'd bite your lip, and you'd sense my mating veins calling to you, and I'd put myself out there to bond with you, but that you'd say no. That I'd be stuck with an unreturned Urge until it became Urge Sickness."

His eyes snapped to hers, which shocked Kagome into realizing she hadn't been breathing. "But then you called me yours and said you were mine, and then later you said I could belong to you and, fuck me, I was done. I didn't care what I needed to do, but I would convince you, Kagome." He looked like he struggled to stay away from her then, one foot raised before he dropped it heavily. Kagome had to grip the edge of the counter to keep stationary on the other side of the kitchen. "When we were in bed, I tried to tell you what you mean to me. I so badly wanted to be brave and just open my goddamn mouth and put words out there to tell you how amazing you are, but I couldn't get the words right, and I panicked." He hissed a self-deprecating laugh at himself and shook his head slowly. "I always fuckin' panic," he said under his breath. "No one had ever been there for me like you had, Kagome, and for the first time, I had hope that maybe things wouldn't turn out as awful as I thought they would, that maybe things could work out between us. If you could be so amazing and understanding about my ugliest shit, I realized there was a chance you could forgive everything else." He paused to sigh, rubbing at his neck. "That was when I decided I'd come clean on our date. You'd come away knowin' everything, I'd do the lip biting thing, and then—"

Stupid Inuyasha and his clumsy, unexpected ways of speaking directly to her heart and zapping it with the loveliest electricity.

Kagome rushed at him, shocking him by the aggressive way her mouth crashed against his. The nibbling sweeps of her lips were ardent, the pull of her arms to bend him towards her, impatient.

"Kagom—" Her tongue slipped between his lips to silence him.

"Shut up, Inuyasha," she whispered the next time she came up for air. "You can keep talking after you kiss me."

He huffed in response and then his hands were in her hair. Backing her up into the living room, his tongue penetrated her mouth. When her calves met the couch and she started to sit, her arms fastened around his neck to pull him down with her. Kagome laid across the cushions, her body rocking and tipping into the divots created by his palms and knees as he crawled on top of her. Hands flying to his shoulders and legs spreading to wrap around his hips, she tugged him down until he was laying on her. Each kiss was accented with panting breaths and rushing hands, his touch scorching through the thin material of her robe. Kagome's chest vibrated with the thundering echo of Inuyasha's frenzied heart. His taste, his smell, his warmth. Holy shit, she loved him. Even though his heaviness was stifling, his bulk depressing her into the seat cushions felt satisfying in its rightness, in its comfort.

She moaned when his lips and tongue and fangs worked her neck and throat. "Kagome," he wheezed, bracing himself on a forearm to alleviate some of his weight on her, "darlin'...I'm not gonna be able to focus like this."

"Too bad," she answered. "I'm not letting you go." Stroking the side of his face, she unknotted her legs from his hips before cradling his neck in her hands. "You really wanna make it up to me?"

"What kinda question is that?" he chuffed, giving her a chiding look. "Of course I do." Inuyasha shifted his weight to his hip and side, angling himself into the crease of the cushions. The action had Kagome teetering towards the couch's edge, but he wrapped his other arm around her, pinning her to his chest. Kagome snuggled in against him, never once suspecting Inuyasha would let her fall.

"Well, I wanna stay like this with you," she replied sternly, "and you can make it up to me by complying."

Alternating bounces with her shoulder and hip, Kagome turned on her side to face him fully. Her movements forced the flaps of her robe open, exposing her thigh and buttock. The lapels loosened and sagged, revealing her breasts. With a pounding heart, Kagome quickly adjusted the fabric. Intimacy like laying on the couch together was fine. But she knew it wouldn't take much for sexier activities to supersede their conversation if she didn't mind little accidents like flashing him.

Inuyasha's arousal twitched against her, an evident sign he caught a glimpse of her backside and hardening nipples. But his focus didn't waver from her eyes, like he was marveling at the perfect roundness of her pupils, the synthesis of all those browns in her irises, the thick sweep of dark lashes every time she blinked.

Kagome kissed his jaw before smiling up at him. "Comfortable?" she asked.

"Very." That single word had no right being as suggestive as it was. One hand cupping her jaw, his other palm drew small, tight circles over her hip, and Kagome's heart lurched in response. She tried to tell herself it was the look in his eye and not his eager erection that made her pulse swell and frolic.

Settling a palm over his chest, she marveled at the heat radiating through his t-shirt. Realistically, she took way too much pleasure in how fast his heart was beating. "Please don't ask me to keep my distance to help you focus." She scooted into him until it was physically impossible to be any closer. With one arm trapped between their torsos, she coiled her other around his middle, squeezing herself against him like she wished for them to merge. Each exhale into his collarbone was warm against her face, carrying a hint of coffee, his skin, and the cotton between them. His thighs clenched around hers. "My problem, Inuyasha, is that all this lying has made me feel less close to you, and I hate it. I really hate it. All I want is to be close to you. So just let this happen. Hold me until you finish explaining everything, okay?"

"Kagome," he exhaled, cupping her cheek and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I would never ask you to stay away from me, dummy. Have you not heard a word I've said? The problem is I don't trust myself to only talk to you like this." His erection pulsed into the dip of her bellybutton as if to solidify his point. "I'm way too attracted to you to keep you this close and not have you makin' those little noises for me I like so much." His palm trailed from her thigh, up her side, along her neck, to finally cup her jaw. Kagome bit back a whimper. "All I wanna do is touch you, darlin'. The way you smell...the way you feel...the last thing I wanna focus on is—"

"Try," she breathed, resting her cheek on his shoulder until his throat became all she could see. She took a deep breath to settle her own growing arousal, feeling his desire pressing into her skin, the heat of his balls against her upper thigh. "Please just try, okay?" She closed her eyes and exhaled every bit of stress from her body. "If you tolerate me as much as you've made it sound like you do, then you can hold me like this while you finish saying everything you need to say."

Inuyasha made this scoffing sound in the back of his throat, and Kagome smirked and tipped her head back to look at him. He drew her into his embrace until his chin was flush with her forehead, her nose depressing against his throat. His chest swallowed her from the size of his breath before he released it over multiple seconds. "I...I had it in my head you were mine, Kagome, and then fucking Kouga happened. That asshole showed up as a big red flag that I'm a fuckin' idiot since you actually weren't mine at all, 'cause I'd been too chicken-shit to mate you or at the very least claim you, which meant risking intimacy."

Kagome made space to look up at him by pressing against his chest. "In your car, when you told me about claiming, about mates...I asked you if you had a mate, Inuyasha, and I'm pretty sure your response was, 'I don't know.' Why didn't you—?"

"The fears I had as a human were still present that morning, Kagome," he answered, luring her back into the warmth of his chest. "Bein' vague seemed better at the time than blatantly lying, which I didn't wanna do anymore. The night before, I had also been more vulnerable with you than I'd ever been, and maybe it makes me pathetic, but I couldn't stomach any more vulnerability."

Kagome took a deep breath to let the fire in her chest simmer. "It just sucks that it took someone else flirting with me to motivate you into explaining anything about mates, and marking or claiming."

He snorted, sending her bangs flying from her forehead. "Yeah, I know... Except then you showed an interest in havin' me mark you, and I had no reason to tell you 'no' when you said you wanted to go through with it. I had the Drop by that point but I planned to give it to you on our date, so as far as I was concerned, that only left one option."

"Marking through saliva," she finished for him.

Inuyasha nodded against her head. "My only reservation was that I could lose control and hurt you or start the bond if things got intimate. But, by that point, I'd grown well fuckin' tired of being controlled by fear. So we went back to your place and I said fuck it and went through with it."

Kagome's cheeks coloured. "You were really that against it?"

Inuyasha's eyes flared, bringing her gaze to his with a hand to her chin. "No, Kagome. I wasn't against it at all. I'd never let myself get close to you like that before; I was actually real fuckin' excited to mark you, to get to taste you like I hadn't before. The problem was I felt like such an asshole goin' through a non-mate thing with my mate, but I was too pathetic to be honest about it." He sputtered a laugh. "Then you had to go and make a stink about markin' me too, and it just—" He paused, sighing around another chuckle— "No one ever goes to bat for me like you do, fights for me or wants me like you do." He kissed her cheek. "Your stubbornness to mark me back turned a non-mating activity that I regretted into somethin' pleasurable for me."

Kagome wanted to kiss him but only allowed her lips as high as his chin to avoid risk of distracting escalations. She smirked at him. "Then I guess a 'you're welcome' is in order."

He huffed a laugh then buried his nose in her hair. It took a few seconds of him holding her in an all-consuming embrace before he continued. "I don't remember when, but at some point that afternoon, you asked me why I hold myself back with you, and I didn't know how to answer without dumping everything on you. Fuck, I felt like the biggest asshole, tiptoein' through an answer. I'd been so committed to getting shit perfect for you for that Friday, the flowers, the letter I decided I'd write so I didn't fuck it up. If I tried openin' up to you then, I knew I'd make a damn mess of things. I wasn't willing to jeopardize our future together by sayin' the wrong thing, Kagome. But you were too perfect and I was too...insane about you to risk ruining things by not sayin' anything at all, so I decided to share the parts of my heart that corroded from bein' with Kikyou. The hurt she caused that gave me such a slow start with you. The parts of me that you'd gone well outta your way to fix."

"So, instead of giving me all of you, you decided just to give me the romantically broken parts?"

He huffed a disingenuous laugh before pressing his lips into her bangs. "Yeah, somethin' like that."

A silence fell over them for almost a full minute where Inuyasha laid small kisses to her forehead and hair. When his hand fisted in her robe over her thigh and his hips shifted against her, Kagome placed the softest of kisses to his Adam's apple and said, "Don't get distracted."

A grumbling sound of objection rumbled in his throat that made her smirk against his neck. "Who said I'm gettin' distracted?"

Despite knowing it wasn't the smartest thing to do, Kagome arched her back to grind her stomach against his growing erection. "This could never be subtle, you know," she quietly teased. "It feels like Distracted Inuyasha to me."

Inuyasha snorted. "Did you stop to think that maybe me talkin' about marking you is what caused this?" He ground his cock against her for emphasis.

"Regardless," she responded with a giggle, righting her robe over her thigh, "keep going, okay?"

Inuyasha's hand fell over hers, stilling her motions above pale skin, leaving more of her exposed than she thought decent. "When I had to mark your groin, Kagome...fuck, you were soaked for me, and I wanted to fuckin' devour your pussy and drink you dry." Kagome clutched a fist to her breast and hid her flushing face in his t-shirt. A heavy heat settled between her clenched thighs. Inuyasha flexed his hips, denting her stomach with his cock like he was punctuating his point that it was the narrative that made him hard.

Thick fingers tangled in the hair above her nape. With a strict yet painless tug, he craned her neck back to look at him. "I'm never as weak as when I smell how badly you want me, darlin'. I was convinced I'd lose control as soon as I got my first taste of your arousal, that my demon blood would take over. So I told you not to watch. I had one foot in keepin' my shit together and the other in tryin' to bring you pleasure." He huffed a self-effacing laugh. "That first time...definitely not my best work, that's for sure."

For how many times since then that Inuyasha had brought her to orgasm by tongue-fucking her, she knew how adept he was at the activity. Kagome tried to keep the breathiness from her voice when she said, "I had no complaints about it," which made him laugh and kiss her appreciatively. "Except maybe that you didn't let me watch," she added playfully.

His fingers loosened, cupping her nape. "When my inner demon takes over, my eyes go red, and in case that happened when I went down on you, I didn't wanna freak you out." A wry grin split his face, wrapping his fingers around her chin. "I'm now well-aware that my girl has a thing for watching—that's why I moved that one mirror in my bedroom, remember?" The reminder had Kagome's cheeks warming. The breadth of Inuyasha's smile diminished, his tone gentling. "I'm bringin' this up, Kagome, 'cause I want you to know why I denied you somethin' you like, okay?"

She flushed then cleared her throat, eager not to be the reason they went any further off topic. "Your red eyes. I saw that happen, that one, um, blow job where you—"

"Oh." Inuyasha looked introspective as he nodded. "Yeah...I...I figured it might've."

Without giving her brain a chance to change her mind, Kagome cupped his cheek and kissed him softly. "You've been talking about all this for a while. Are you doing okay? We can take a break if you need—"

"I'm not takin' a break, Kagome." He cast her a frown that made her lips twitch. "And you shouldn't be checkin' up on me. I'm goin' over all this for your benefit, to ask for your forgiveness for bein' a shit to you the entire time I've known you. It doesn't matter how talkin' about this makes me feel."

She frowned back at him. "That doesn't mean I can't check up on you to make sure you're doing okay. We've already covered a lot, Inuyasha. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, honestly. It's only fair that you probably are too."

"That's so like you," he sighed, shaking his head and rolling his eyes, "taking my apology speech and usin' it as an excuse to focus on somebody other than yourself, to care about me."

"I never stopped caring about you, Inuyasha," she corrected stiffly. "But listen, I need to adjust because my one ass cheek is falling asleep. Hold on." To the soft hum of Inuyasha's snickering, Kagome shifted and pivoted and poked and prodded Inuyasha's body to follow her lead until his back was flush against the couch and Kagome was laying above him, her robe unbunched beneath her, and her hands on his pecs, below her chin. When she sighed contentedly to emphasize she was done adjusting, Inuyasha quirked an eyebrow at her. "We've done this before, remember? Had many conversations with me innocently laying on you like this."

Inuyasha sniffed back a laugh and ran his fingers through her hair. "There's nothin' innocent about the way you smell right now, Kagome."

"Inuyasha..." she scolded on an exhale, tugging on his chin, "focus, please."

He smiled at her cheekily, his fingers trailing lazy strokes up and down her back. The smile he wore softened until he had a faraway look in his eye. "This morning..." he began, "I was convinced I'd never have you like this again." His eyes shimmered with a deep-seated emotion that made Kagome's stomach feel hollow. His next words were a rasping whisper. "I didn't think I'd ever feel you against me again. I started to mourn that I'd never get to touch you again. I found myself thinkin' about our first kiss as much as our last one. I tried to remember the last nice thing I said to you, racked my brain over the last time you showed me genuine affection that I'd earned.

"Feelin' your body on mine right now, tastin' you on my lips, your scent coating my every breath, getting to touch you at your encouragement...it's just—" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, lowering his gaze. "It's a lot."

"Yeah," she said softly, running the backs of her knuckles along his jawbone tenderly. "I know, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha shut his eyes, taking a couple deep breaths. When he seemed ready to speak again, he reached up to grab hold of Kagome's fingers, bringing the pads to his lips for a kiss. He didn't release her hand afterwards. Then he said, "After marking you as if we weren't mates, I got a taste of what it would be like to make you officially mine, and fuck me, Kagome, I liked it. I liked it so much. I wrote you the letter that night and it was like time just happened to me. I sat down to write and suddenly all these words were there and I'm admitting my feelings and talkin' around this bigness I feel, which is our bein' mates and—fuck, I can't tell you how relieved I was when you came out from the library and kissed me, when you confirmed you want me."

It was Kagome's turn to tug his hand to her mouth to kiss his fingers. "How come you didn't use the letter to explain everything? Your family and background...us being mates?"

"It didn't feel right doin' that," he said with a shrug. "I figured you'd have questions and that it would mean more if you and me talked about it like this. Besides, I planned to tell you everything once we went back to my place, even though I'd been second-guessin' that plan all night. I wanted our time at Nocturne Tower to be about you...I told you I wanted to spoil you, Kagome. I wanted to show you how much I care about you when I'd never been brave enough to do anythin' for you before. The letter...it was my way of easin' us into an emotional relationship. I didn't know how to do it organically and without droppin' the mate thing on you at the same time.

"Oh, somethin' I missed that's important for me actin' off on our date," he said quickly. "When I found out from Rin before our date that you ran into her and Sesshoumaru at Rin's store... I brought that up to you in the car, and the way you seemed to panic made me think I should still wait to tell you about bein' mates. 'Cause being the Right Hand's mate is only expectations and duties—it's been drilled into me since I was a kid. Your reaction, worryin' about expectations, was this underlyin' worry I carried around all night."

Kagome cupped his cheek and Inuyasha refused to meet her eye, rolling one confession into the next. "But you seemed happy enough to accept a relationship with me, which was enough to dampen the panic for a bit." A smile tugged at one side of his face. "But you, bein' you, wanted to pick new terms than boyfriend and girlfriend 'cause you thought that would make me happy." Inuyasha detached her hand from his face to kiss her palm. "I just had to shut up and let you run through that stupid list 'cause I knew if I got more involved I'd accidentally throw 'mate' out there.

"But then you went on this tirade of wantin' to take care of me and make me happy and how we're right for each other, and it was the first time I actually thought you did feel the pull to me. That sudden bout of surety almost made me tell you right then that we were mates. 'Cause I'd never felt so sure before that you felt the mate-pull too. Well, plus that time before headin' up to Nocturna, where you said somethin' about how your body craves me and you're scared you'd never get enough." He smiled into her palm before kissing the heel again. "You and me headed upstairs then and I actually felt optimistic about takin' you home after that to bite your lip."

Kagome sighed heavily, drawing Inuyasha's gaze to hers. "I wish you had just said something then, Inuyasha. I would've been able to confirm that I felt the pull to you." In response to the cavalier look he gave her, her lips flattened into a thin line. "After dinner, when you were acting weird after I thanked you for everything, when you kept saying you were fine. Was that because—?"

"You kept callin' me perfect when you didn't know the truth that I was far from it. You were sayin' all this sweet shit that just reinforced how much of an asshole I'd been for not telling you about any of this."

Kagome's eyes widened with understanding. "When you said you didn't wanna get swept up in this, you didn't mean because of our own individual relationship issues. You meant all this stuff, about being my mate. You didn't want to celebrate being my boyfriend because you were actually more to me than that."

Kagome's mind replayed their dinner, their conversation before they headed up to Nocturna. Suddenly, so many things jumped out at her.

I just want you, Kagome. That's it.

You already have me.

No I don't, not the way I want you.

Mates. He wanted her as his mate, but he was too scared of everything it came with.

Then his roaring outcry, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with you. I'm barely keepin' my shit together on the best of days.

Then her own words, spoken in reply. You can be messy and raw and flawed and any and every version of yourself, and it will never change how into you I am.

Holy, what a fucking hypocrite she was.

The tone of voice Inuyasha used when his lips next parted had Kagome's heart freezing in her chest. He'd never used such a pained, heartstricken octave before.

"I thought the Urge was instant," he said in that dejected voice. "At least...it was supposed to be for demons. I didn't think humans could feel the Urge, but I thought you'd at least sense something immediately. I...I bit your lip and...nothing happened. You seemed the same, Kagome, things felt the same between us, and I thought...I thought that was my sign that maybe I'd gotten it wrong." Kagome had to look away from the watery shimmer in his eye because it had tears thickening in her throat and stinging her nose. "So I decided against sayin' anything to you that night because I didn't even know how to talk about it when I'd apparently gotten it so fucking wrong."

He closed his eyes for a shaky breath. "Yeah, back at my place, I assumed sex was gonna be a thing between us, but the plan wasn't for the whole night to just be about that. But it did 'cause...because—" He sighed— "I didn't wanna let myself think about what hadn't happened. I didn't think I'd be able to survive the pain of the disappointment, honestly.

"But then you said you wanted me to bite you and...it broke my fuckin' heart, Kagome." When his voice gave out, a gentle parade of tears began to freefall down her cheeks. "'Cause I thought I'd learned enough from Sesshoumaru to be able to identify my own fucking mate, but apparently I was just a hopeful idiot about the whole thing."

He wiped her tears away with clumsy fingers and Kagome sputtered a weak laugh when he almost poked her in the eye. "You said no to me because you thought you'd misread the cues and that we weren't actually mates." After he nodded, Kagome sighed. "The argument we had after that dinner with Miroku...the one about the Drop...you asked me for a truth about how I'd feel being your mate. If you thought we weren't...why did you—?"

"Feelin' hopeful is the fuckin' worst," Inuyasha cursed around a bitter chuckle, watching his fingers slide along the chain around her neck before he clasped the pendent in his fist. "It was my last hope that maybe something had changed for you, that if I brought it up, you'd say somethin' to prove that I had been right and that we were mates. But you didn't, so I...I didn't push the subject."

This means a lot to me, he had said about the Drop. This is the only way I know I have you right now.

He had given her the Drop thinking it a placeholder of something more, a symbol of affection and for protection. But when he didn't get the response he was looking for from biting her lip, the Drop became it for them, the only way he realized he could have her—when he'd been banking on them being more. Kagome could only imagine the defeating disappointment he must have struggled with that night.

Inuyasha combed his fingers through her bangs then tucked some hair behind her ear. "After our fight about the Drop, you said you'd like to be my person, my mate, and it's like I could feel my heart fillin' up the cracks. 'Cause then I thought maybe biting you had done somethin' but you just didn't know it. I mean, I've grown up surrounded by all this mating bullshit and you know how much I've fucked up about it; it wouldn't've been fair of me to assume you'd be able to identify it and understand it all on the first go."

His playing with her hair inspired her to do the same to him. She twisted a silky strand around her fingers, over, under, over, under. "Was it any consolation to you, though, that you felt the Urge? Shouldn't that have convinced you that we were still mates even if I didn't reveal to you that I sensed your mating veins?"

"Eventually it did," he answered, his gaze focused on the movements of her fingers. "But I still can't believe you went a whole week denyin' the Urge... When I found you and Rin in the restroom after the Grand Adviser crashed the brunch, I thought you were just livid with me for everythin'. To learn from Rin and then Sesshoumaru about you feelin' the Urge, to gettin' the Sickness, and experiencing Mate Loss, which made all your symptoms even worse...holy fuck, Kagome."

"Holy fuck, indeed," she sighed.

He cupped her cheek. "How the fuck did you manage to hold off the Urge for a whole goddamn week?"

Kagome snorted. "I didn't enjoy it, that's for sure. I'm pretty sure I coped by giving you head."

Inuyasha spluttered a laugh and guided her face to his to kiss. "I feel bad about that but I also kinda don't 'cause—"

"Because you got a lot of fellatio that week."

A laugh snuck between his teeth as he grinned. "I really did."

"And that whole time," she breathed, fingering his chin, "I'm keeping that secret from you and you still kept your secrets from me." Her eyes bounced between his, pushing up on her forearms to look down at him. "Why? By that point...why did you continue hiding all this?"

"After our fight about the Drop, when you told me you felt tricked into bein' my wife by accepting the necklace, I realized there was literally no good way I could tell you everything without you hating me. It became a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation."

"But you knew I was unhappy with you for keeping things from me."

"Yeah, I know. But how the fuck was I supposed to be honest and keep you mine, Kagome? And I know that sounds selfish of me, but I don't give a damn. The truth became too much of a thing that there was no good way to tell you, and it just made me grow to hate myself all the more."

"Inuyasha..."

"No, it's true! Because you're mine, Kagome. Mine. My woman. My mate. My person. Mine! I'm supposed to protect you, and take care of you, and be the one who provides for you and loves you and I let you get sick 'cause I was too fuckin' distracted with my own bullshit to notice that you were strugglin' with the Urge! You shouldn't've found out you were my mate from Rin, and you shouldn't have found out you were my mate because the stupid, fuckin' Council went behind my back a-fucking-gain and hired seers. I panic, and I fuck up, and I only do the wrong thing when I only wanna do right by you! I want to be a man who's deserving of your affection and your goodness, Kagome. But every time I get the chance to come clean and be accountable and be good for you I only fuck up even more!"

Kagome didn't know how it happened but in his ire and escalation, Inuyasha pushed her off him until she was sideways in the nook of the couch, him mostly on top of her. With her palm to his chest, she pushed him back, creating space for herself to sit beside him. "Are you done?"

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at her. "No."

"Yes, you are," she bit back, "because it's my turn now, okay? Yes. You fucked up. You really fucked up. But holy shit, Inuyasha, you have tortured yourself for months because you kept the truth from me. Enough." She cradled his face in her hands, her tone softening. "It's been enough, Inuyasha. We can't go back and change anything that's happened between us; what's done is done. All we can do now is move forward and make the best choices for ourselves that we can given the information we have at our disposal. And you wanna know what information I have to work with?"

"That your boyfriend's an asshole?" he huffed.

Kagome exhaled noisily in frustration. "No, Inuyasha. That my mate may not be perfect, but he went well out of his way for months doing what he thought was in my best interests and has been nothing but insanely hard on himself for it. People fuck up, Inuyasha. People make mistakes all the time. Yes, I'm hurt and I'm upset, but it's nothing that can't be fixed."

She laced their fingers together and brought their joined hands to her chest. "Listen, I was terrified of sex with you for way too long. I let it become this thing that got in the way of us finding happiness together and it didn't need to be. Sex with you was incredible—is incredible—and only made things between us better." She coughed a laugh through her tear-thickened throat. "Your pizza is the best I've ever had in my life, Inuyasha." When his mouth curved into a reluctant smile, Kagome kissed the back of his hand. "I guess what I'm saying is, maybe I don't need to be scared of being your mate, and agreeing to mate you, and letting happen all that comes with that, because maybe, like sex, being your mate will only make being with you better."

She leaned over and kissed him. "I want to be your mate, Inuyasha, and I want to be with you, and I'm going to be with you, but I don't want us making decisions that impact the rest of our lives in reaction to this info-dump situation, okay? I'll meet your Council tomorrow so I can understand for myself the big picture of what things will look like and what they want from us. Maybe they'll be less scary once I actually meet them in person." She cupped his cheek, holding back a giggle from the look of sheer disbelief on his face. "I want to be mated to you, Inuyasha, but not because of the Council, or what I learned, or because someone else wants us to be together, or because it's universally expected of us. I'm with you because I care about you. I want to mate you because I care about you. Me choosing to stay with you has nothing to do with anyone else but you.

"If you and me complete the bond now, it's only in response to all this shit that's happened recently. We'd be mating to counteract Urge Sickness, it's giving in to your Demon Council. Yes, the symptoms aren't ideal, but I have my patch and the meds to help for now. I still have that appointment next week for the birth control shot. I'll agree to mate you, but...I'd...I'd like to keep the appointment." Inuyasha's only reaction to her words was licking his lips and blinking like he was still processing what she said. Kagome giggled and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "I think I want kids at some point, but I've only known you a few months and—"

"Shut up for a second." Kagome blinked up at him with confusion etched on her face before he was grabbing her by the biceps and tugging her towards him. "What the fuck are you saying, Kagome? Are you...are you—? Does this mean I get to keep you?"

"I mean," she laughed, "only if you want to."

She shrieked as Inuyasha threw her down onto the couch cushions with a bounce and essentially tackled her with a hug. Kagome cried out with giggles as he peppered her face and neck with kisses before consuming her mouth with a devastating kiss that had them both moaning.

"You're not leavin' me." He said it again and again, his kisses and touches becoming more desperate, more needful after every repetition.

The next time their lips parted for a much needed breath, Kagome laughed through his hungering attempt to reclaim her with his mouth. "You'll have a lot of groveling and ass-kissing to do, Inuyasha, but no, I'm not leaving you." She held his face in her hands to stop the frenzy of his diving in for another kiss.

He sat back on his haunches and brought her with him, his hands cupping her head over her ears. "I don't want you stayin' sick 'cause of me, Kagome. I don't—"

"I know mating you will fix my being sick, Inuyasha. And we'll go through with it. Just not tonight. Not immediately. I promise you I'm fine keeping up with the patches and meds for a little while." She grinned at him. "Think of it like when I changed my mind about wanting a sexual relationship with you. You said we should wait to let things soak and give the emotions time to breath."

"Tell me I'm not just hearin' what I wanna hear."

Kagome smiled. "You're not." She kissed him. "I swear."

"You wanna be with me."

"I wanna be with you."

"You seriously wanna be my mate."

Kagome sputtered a laugh through a messy kiss. "Yes, Inuyasha, I seriously wanna mate you."

"So...you forgive me?"

"I'm still upset, but not enough so that forgiveness isn't possible."

He drew back so his crinkled eyes, shimmering with unshed happy tears, could pace back and forth between hers, like he was trying to ensure there were no lines to read between. "And the Council and everything else? The expectations? Your job? The heirs?"

"You're my mate, Inuyasha," she sighed against his mouth. "I want to be with you. I want to make you happy because that makes me happy. If I need to make some changes in my life for that to happen then I'm willing to compromise."

Happy tears tracked down Kagome's cheeks as a gasping laugh shot from her mouth. Inuyasha's hands were frenzied, trying to untie her robe's sash. He resorted to tugging the material down her shoulders when he couldn't unknot it. His mouth and tongue were spirited but gentle as he kissed and sucked the bite marks on her shoulder. When Kagome's rushing hands lifted the hem of his shirt, Inuyasha reached behind his neck to tug the garment off and whipped it over the couch-back. It wasn't long until Inuyasha had the robe dragged down the length of her body. Kagome guffawed the entire time he disrobed her, eventually stepping out of the material, having told him he wasn't allowed to cut the sash with his claws because he couldn't untie her knots.

As soon as the last piece of clothing left Inuyasha's body, he carried Kagome into her bedroom where they made love. Inuyasha's rambunctious lovemaking only had them almost falling out of her queen bed twice. It was enough for him to threaten to buy her a king bed if she was intent on keeping her apartment.

"You like me enough you'd let me keep my apartment?" she teased, her fingers tracing his abs, basking in their post-coital embrace.

"I tolerate you more than you know, Kagome." He brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her. "I think you're a smart girl—"

"Why thank you."

"—so I think you know what that means."

"What? When you say you tolerate me?" He hummed a sound of agreeance while he lavished her neck and clavicle with kisses, working his way south. "Well, what would you say if I told you I tolerate you too, Inuyasha?"

His gaze snapped to hers. "Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Tolerate me."

"I do." She grinned at him, feeling nothing but joy over the roundabout, juvenile way she could admit her love for him. "I tolerate you very much."

His grin made Kagome's heart sing. "I think I tolerate you more."

Kagome sighed, pulling his face up from her breasts so that his nose was a hair's width from hers. "Tell me what it means," she breathed. "No code words, no half-truths. What do you mean, Inuyasha, when you tell me you tolerate me?"

The caress of his nose against hers was enough to make a slickening heat curdle low in her stomach. "You really wanna know, Kagome?"

"Yes, I really wanna know, Inuyasha. Please. Tell me."

"Next new moon." Kagome's eyebrows furrowed so deeply it made Inuyasha laugh. "Ask me again on the next new moon."

"Why? Because you need the time to figure it out?"

"No," he breathed before kissing her, "because my human side is weak enough to let you get past my defences and brave enough to speak from the heart."

Kagome gasped when his rigid length stroked her thigh and Inuyasha resumed kissing a trail down her neck, pausing to lavish her breasts with devastating, wet, nipping affection.

Tossing her thighs over his shoulders, Inuyasha situated himself above her glistening cleft, his eyes darkening with hunger and lust-glazed humour. "Two weeks, darlin'. You can tolerate waitin' for this truth for two weeks, can't you? You've waited this long."

Then his mouth descended on her like Kagome was the most eatable, succulent thing his mouth ever encountered. He didn't suck her dry. But oh boy, did he ever try, and did he ever come close.