In celebration of the queen's pregnancy, a royal ball was held. One like any other, or so at least I was told. The entire palace was in a frenzied rush to fulfil the order of the king, who wished for this ball to be arranged in record time. Every day there was more work to be done, and I did not escape the chaotic battle unscathed. Forever was I running from one place to another, carrying messages and placing orders, chasing frantic cooks and bakers and confectioners, making demands upon the royal wardrobe and having every crown jewel polished to perfection.
The only still point in this tumultuous time was in the presence of the queen. Anne was the respite everyone desired, for all had to be calm and quiet around her. Fortunately I was often called to her side, for she enjoyed my music and my singing, so I considered myself excessively fortunate. I myself was soon drowning in requests for alterations and amendments to costumes to be made, each lady insisting that she was the highest priority and that I simply could not fail to meet her demand.
At the very least, I was able to charge more than triple my usual rate on account of the limited time and availability I had. With this one ball, I amassed a small fortune. I fulfilled whatever requests I could afford to take, but of course, my true priority was Anne. I tended to her needs as the child continued to grow within her. Sometimes she would have me sit upon cushions at her feet to sing to the child whenever it grew restless, as she was convinced that my voice seemed to settle the little one.
The more the child grew, the more the queen seemed to glow, and the more the king doted upon her. He gave her gifts upon gifts, meeting her every request and desire with gladness and pure joy. He was determined to see this child born, and admittedly it did warm my heart to see Anne looking so healthy and happy. I would be gladder still once this infernal ball was over with, however. I was about ready to tear out my hair in frustration. Still, I managed to complete all of my orders on time, and even procured myself a new gown for the occasion. Since it was to celebrate the impending birth of the Heir of France, everything had to be new.
Upon Anne's recommendation, I had selected a rich mulberry fabric and made it into a dress more like the styles of the past. Since it was a costume ball, it was not necessary to wear today's fashions. I made long billowing sleeves with a fitted form which did not necessarily require the use of a corset. This was perhaps what I was looking forward to most of all, in truth. The sense of liberation, to not be so restricted by the constraints of decorum that I might be able to eat and breathe at the same time.
My waist was slim enough that an absent corset might be overlooked. The colour and style did look rather fetching, and with the clever use of a gold threaded hairnet filled with another's hair, the short locks I still possessed were effortlessly hidden. I did not remove my pendent or the golden wren broach, but rather wore them proudly with my gown. The only addition I made was to wear a simple gold chain around my brow, where it glinted whenever it caught the light. I did not look at my own reflection, for I had become so accustomed to never looking into a mirror that I no longer felt a desire to do so.
Instead, I found myself prepared long before any other lady had even finished their intense transformations, and so I went to attend to Anne, who was dressed in her finest jewels and the most splendid gown of almost pure gold. Radiant did not even begin to justify her beauty. I marvelled upon her visage, and was glad to stand at her side when the ball began for she effortlessly outshone everyone around her. Upon the king's command, everyone was to feast, dance and enjoy to their hearts content.
For a while I stood beside Anne, ready to attend to her every need, but after an hour or so standing with her, she leaned herself towards me. Immediately I bowed my head to listen, expecting her to request a drink or something to eat, but rather, I was surprised when she suggested that I should go and enjoy myself. I blinked at her. "Your majesty?" Smiling effortlessly as she rubbed the protruding swell of her stomach, Anne chuckled richly.
"This is a ball to celebrate, is it not? I will not have you standing here when you should be better enjoying your time with your loved ones." Turning her face, Anne gestured discreetly to where I noticed my brother and Porthos near the banquet table. I imagined d'Artagnan and Aramis would not be far. "Go to them. You must be missing your brother terribly."
"Why yes, your majesty, but I am here to serve you. What if you have need of something and I am not here?"
"There are servants aplenty, and should I have need then I will call for you. I am not entirely helpless yet, you know." The brightness in her gaze told me that she was teasing me, but I was all too aware of the king sitting directly beside her and how protective he had become of Anne of late.
"I never meant to suggest such a thing, your majesty." Her eyes continued to glitter. "If you are certain, then I shall go as you order. Please, do not hesitate to call for me if there is something you need."
"You are too kind, Madeleine. Go, give my best to your loved ones." With a queenly flick of her finger, I was dismissed from her side. From the high view of the dais which had been increased for the sake of the ball, I had to descend half a dozen steps before I was amongst the bustling crowds. Everywhere I looked there were new characters dancing before my eyes. Heroes and saints, animals and legends, every shape and silhouette seemingly converging in a single place. One woman was wearing a feather so tall, it all but doubled her height. I skirted around her, glad that my skirts were so sleek and easy to move in.
If only fashion would regress to such an age where gowns could always be so comfortable. Perhaps I would make myself several nightgowns in this style, then I might be able to perpetuate this state of bliss. Thankfully Athos had not moved from where I had last seen him, dutifully watching over Porthos to ensure that he did not get himself into trouble, no doubt. "Well, if ever there were such a fine breed of men, then surely I would find them here," announcing myself boldly, I slipped through the last cluster of guests to glide towards Athos, who had to look at me twice before he recognised me.
"Madeleine!" He spluttered upon his wine and when Porthos turned, he reacted so strongly that he began to choke on whatever he had just attempted to swallow. Thus proceeded a rather alarmed attempt to clap the gentle giant upon the back, Athos cursing under his breath as we both leaped to help Porthos until he was able to breathe again.
"There, is that better? Oh Porthos, what are we to do with you?" Fussing over him as I rubbed his back, I quickly poured him a drink of what I judged to be the weakest wine by its scent to have him drink. "Here, just a sip at a time, it will help." All the while I held the cup to his mouth, Porthos stared at me openly.
"This was exactly what I didn't want to happen," Athos sighed heavily with a look at Porthos before softening. "Madeleine, you look exquisite. Where did you find such a gown?"
"I made it," sweeping out my sleeve, I allowed the fabric to unfurl and billow with rippling movements before it came to settle back at my side. "Such styles have not been in fashion for over a century, but I cannot imagine why. This is the most comfortable dress I have ever worn in my life. I do not think I should ever take it off."
"You shouldn't," Porthos finally gasped, recovering himself as he thumped a fist upon his chest and rose, taking the cup of wine from my hand to drain it all in one gulp. "I mean…it just suits you. Really well, I mean." I smiled at him fondly.
"Thank you Porthos, that is very sweet of you." It seemed as if he was blushing, but I imagined this was simply because he had nearly choked on his food. Smoothly interjecting, my brother invited me to dance which I readily accepted. It had been so long since I had danced with Athos that I did not want to miss this opportunity. Thankfully, we both remembered all the steps. It was the height of my happiness to dance with my brother, now tall enough that I did not have to stretch up my arms so high or stand upon his feet to keep up with his striding steps. I whirled into a euphoria of happiness, one that I did not wish to end.
By the time the dance was over, d'Artagnan and Aramis had appeared, and they too offered their compliments, both for my gown and my dancing. "A rare sight indeed to see Athos dance, but rarer still is the unique beauty which is you, sweet Madeleine." Aramis offered as he bowed, sweeping his hat elegantly as I folded my arms and observed with amusement.
"One of these days, Aramis, you will run out of such flowery things to say that I have not already heard before and you shall have to resort to the truth," straightening, Aramis did not miss a moment to answer with his dashing and candid smile.
"My words have only ever been the truth when referring to you, dear Madeleine." How I wished I could believe that, but I was far too aware that standing in this room full of beauties of every nature, I was not even to be considered a comely looking woman. Perhaps the gown and the finery obscured the truth for the moment but were I to stand next to one of the golden-haired goddesses which seemed to have descended from the heavens, I was but a shrew. No, perhaps that is a little unjust. I will settle for a mouse.
"I would also ask you to dance, but I'm afraid I do not know how," d'Artagnan interjected, raising his cup in salute. "So instead, I shall simply toast to your good health, Madeleine." They were such good men. I felt gloriously wealthy to have such a fine calibre of men standing before me. As with any ball, our attentions were soon diverted. Athos was called away by Treville, who stopped to greet me and extend an open invitation to visit the barracks whenever I wished, before they left to see to the king and queen's security. Upon this, Aramis hastily followed, no doubt thinking of Anne.
I had noted that Aramis seemed to be avoiding the lovely ladies surrounding him. Many had giggled and attempted to gain his attention, but he had not paid a single one of them any mind other than a courteous smile and nod if he had no other choice. In times past, he would have lavished his attentions upon them unsparingly. Now, it seemed as if none of them even existed. Now, I was left with d'Artagnan and Porthos. "Have you seen Constance of late, d'Artagnan?" The young Gascon looked away, but Porthos laughed boisterously and clapped him upon the shoulder.
"Only from afar. Can't keep away from her, can you?" Giving Porthos a chiding look, he immediately mollified himself. Turning my sympathies towards d'Artagnan, I reached to him tenderly.
"She will come around. It was a cruel thing Bonacieux did to force her back to his side, but just wait and see. Eventually he will slip up and Constance will see him for the conniving snake he truly is." This, at least, seemed to comfort d'Artagnan.
"You believe so?"
"I know so. If not, then I have no qualms dragging that little toad out into the street and exposing him for what he is." And I meant every word, for I had almost done so before. After we had released Milady and everything had settled, I had gone back to visit Constance to mend our fractured friendship. When the door had opened and Bonacieux faced me, my mood had soured drastically like spoiled milk. He had tried to banish me from his home, to turn me aside without the opportunity to speak to Constance.
I will admit, my temper snapped. Before the door had closed in my face, I had wedged it open with my foot, forced myself inside and punched Bonacieux so forcefully in the face that his nose was now permanently askew. I only apologised to Constance that her husband was now even less appealing to look at than he had been before. Thankfully my warning to Bonacieux was swiftly heeded. If he did not relinquish his foolish notions of keeping me away from Constance, then I would do more than simply break his nose. He had attempted to use the name of his newest benefactor to frighten me, the cardinal, but I had only laughed in his face. 'The cardinal, you say? Well, then he should know my benefactor very well indeed. It is an honourable thing to directly serve the queen'. There was nothing I could do about Constance still being married to such a pathetic man, nor would she allow herself to be tempted into adultery again by her love for d'Artagnan, but she resumed our friendship and had cried most mournfully in regret for what she had done.
I had assured her that I had known all along it had not been her choice, to which I had glowered at Bonacieux until he had left the room. It felt wonderful to be friends with Constance again, and although we could not see each other as often as before, we continued our correspondence through letters, which she assured me she had been receiving and reading this entire time, only never dared to send a reply. She had kept them all, and so our letters were exchanged on a near daily basis where we kept one another abreast of all the goings on in our lives.
Unfortunately for d'Artagnan, he could only love and watch from afar. For now. I was hoping I might be able to persuade Constance into seeking a divorce yet, but Bonacieux had guilted her into staying with him so readily that I did not dare mention it as of yet. At the very least, I could tell him that Constance was doing well, and that she missed him. It comfort him, I think, to know that she still thought of him. The ball wore on, and now that it was growing later, the revelry was also increasing.
D'Artagnan left not soon after to also make a patrol, so the only company I had left to myself was Porthos. I settled comfortably into his presence. "Do you like it here?" He asked me so suddenly that at first I had not registered the question until it tickled the back of my mind. I looked at him blankly, finding him with the most curious expression I had ever seen. "In the palace. Do you like living here?"
"It has its charms, to be sure," I allowed, frowning slightly as I then looked around the lavish ballroom with all the excess and luxury swimming around me in the form of silk, jewels and gold. "But between you and I, there are times when I miss the quietness of life before. I shall also tell you a secret," leaning towards me so that he could hear as I lowered my voice, I turned my face to his ear so that I could whisper to him directly. "I miss dirt." Porthos started, drawing back sharply to stare at me before all at once, he boomed with laugher. Several frowns turned towards us, but I cared not. "It is true! I miss the smell, getting my hands dirty in the mud…the simplicity of honest things."
"I'll admit, I didn't expect you to say that."
"No? What did you expect me to say?" To this Porthos looked away bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Well…you and your finery, your gowns and such…I can see that you're finally eating well, and you must be sleeping more because it shows…and I just…I thought maybe you wouldn't miss your old life at all." Sensing a slight ache in Porthos' words, an underlying meaning behind his intention, I felt my heart quiver for him. Sweet Porthos, he truly had a sensitive soul.
"My dearest, sweetest, softest giant Porthos," taking his hand in mine, I held it firmly and even dared to place a chaste kiss upon his large, imposing knuckles before gazing up at him. "I miss my old life every day, and I miss you for every moment of it even more so." Upon hearing my words, Porthos' eyes widened in surprise before averting, becoming almost shy as he attempted to supress his pleased grin. At that moment the music changed, striking up a new dance, one which I recognised as we ladies had practiced the steps as part of our training. We were expected to know most of not all of the most modern dances, as well as a few more traditional ones also.
"Wish I knew how," I caught Porthos muttering, drawing my attention away from the orchestra.
"Pardon?" He looked a little embarrassed.
"I said I wish I knew how to dance, then I'd ask you to go with me," tipping his head towards where the couples began to sashay and clap their hands, I giggled. Imagining Porthos out there amongst the wigs and feathers seemed a little…out of place. "I know, stupid idea. Me, dancing."
"Not at all," correcting him smoothly, I gave his hand a squeeze. "We have danced together before."
"In taverns and the like, I can do that kind of dancing. Basically just swinging you around without dropping you, right?" Now I laughed, for it was true. Back then, if the music was jolly enough and the drink heavy enough, Porthos was often the first to grasp me off my feet and dance with me in a twirl until he either fell over or collapsed. It usually marked the end of a night for him, but I had always enjoyed those turns for the exhilarating peak of my night. Looking at Porthos, however, his expression was quite unreadable as he watched the dancers. I did not know what he was thinking at all, so I had to guess that perhaps he wished to dance, but felt wholly out of place.
"Meet me outside in the gardens, just below the balcony in five minutes," giving him instructions, Porthos blinked at me but before he could ask questions, I vanished into the crowds. I circled for a minute or so before going to the balcony where fresh air graced my lungs. I had not realised how hot it was in the ballroom until I was refreshed by a warm summer evening. Lifting my skirts, I descended the stairs to the gardens below, where the soft murmur of conversation, laughter, and most importantly of all, music, floated down after me.
I waited under the balcony on the lip of a fountain, trailing my hand in the water until I heard the familiar and recognisable gait of Porthos approaching. He was frowning when I looked at him. "What's all this about then, darlin'?" He questioned as I rose to my feet, waiting for him to come to me. "This isn't a ruse or something is it? You're not planning on stealing my money are you?"
"Of course not, would I ever do such a thing to you?" His expression softened, the only answer I required. "Now, good sir, I do believe you asked me to dance. Shall we?" Raising my hand, I faced my palm towards Porthos expectantly and tucked the other behind my back, standing sideways on as Porthos slowly blinked.
"You mean here? Now?"
"Where else? When else? We have each other, a little music, and no one else to judge us on how we choose to dance other than the stars. What better circumstances can you imagine than this?" Recognising the logic in my words, Porthos gradually brought his hand to rest against mine. With a start, I noted just how much larger his hand was compared to mine. It seemed that my entire hand fit almost entirely within his palm. He mirrored me, turning himself sideways on and tucking his other arm behind his back where his blue cloak swayed from the motion.
"What now?"
"Now we walk," taking a step forwards, Porthos did the same. "We walk…walk…walk…and turn." Removing my hand I then replaced it with the other which Porthos copied, quickly turning himself so that we walked back in the opposite direction. We did this several more times until we moved into another step, touching our hands as we swept down the patio with a quick two step before bringing our hands together, then repeating. I led Porthos through the dance, until it simply became about enjoying the dance rather than learning it.
Falling into his old habits, Porthos swept me up with one arm and turned so that I seemed to fly, giving rise to a giggling shriek as I clung to his shoulders as he laughed boisterously. When we neared the fountain he let me down so that I could jump onto the stone rim, turn with a kick of my skirts before I leaped back down, doing this several times until I was breathless. I caught him by the waist, spinning until I was dizzy with elation and disorientated, stumbling as I giggled incessantly.
With a final lift, Porthos hoisted me into the air with both hands wrapped around my waist, able to touch his fingertips together and still hold me as I pressed my hands to his shoulders, keeping myself balanced as he twirled me through the air. Giving me a push, Porthos snatched his arms around my legs, locking me against his chest so that when I tilted back my head and spread my arms, it felt as if I were flying amongst the stars as they glittered prettily overhead. I could have spiralled into oblivion a well content woman.
Gradually Porthos began to ease to a halt, but rather than put me down, he let me drop into his arms where he cradled me effortlessly, like I still weighed less than his sword. He nudged at me gently. "Still need some more meat on your bones, love. There's a whole feast in there. We should go eat some of it." To this I giggled, still feeling euphoric and definitely too dizzy to think about eating.
"If I do that, then I shall undoubtedly be sick, and then I shall be your responsibility, dear Porthos."
"Well…maybe we'll wait a bit." Turning to the fountain, Porthos set me down upon it. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Dancing. That was fun. I think I prefer it when it's just us like that, not all them up there joining in," he waved his hand towards the balcony doors where the ball was still fully underway. I was inclined to agree. "It's good to know that you're still the same you." Drawn forwards, I brushed my hand against his cheek, observing his fine features in the subtle glow of moonlight and torches.
"You asked me if I liked living here," I recalled, now calming myself as I dipped my fingers once more into the cool, tempering water. "And I do, to an extent. I am proud to serve our queen, as I now feel that I have a purpose of my own. Before, I was simply…useful, but not essential to your existence."
"No, that's not true Madeleine…"
"The Musketeers can function with or without me, Porthos, but at least here I am someone where my talents can be put to use." I smiled to him. "You are the king's man, but I am now the queen's woman. It seems only fair that she has agents of her own, don't you agree?" Upon hearing this, Porthos smiled broadly.
"I think that suits you. Queen's woman."
"What I mean is, I have the opportunity here to do something that matters. That will offer me the chance to make my own way without depending upon others…or even holding them back." I paused for a moment to reassemble my thoughts whilst Porthos remained silent, listening intently. He was always the best at simply listening. "Be that as it may, I cannot help but feel out of place." I gestured to the ball. "That is not where I belong. The finery, the bright lights, the nobility…perhaps once, but not anymore." Out of habit and for comfort, I closed my hand around the pendent around my neck, bearing the crest of the musketeers. "Amongst you I felt most at home, and so that is where I felt happiest, even if the toil was slowly eroding me away."
"So what do you think now? Do you want to stay here, or come back? We'd take you back in a heartbeat, Madeleine. We all miss you. Athos especially, he's more moody than usual if he goes too long without seeing you." The image in my mind brought an affectionate expression. My brother, he liked to make others believe he was without emotions but once you knew, you knew. "The queen would understand, I'm sure."
"I know that she would, but I cannot leave her now, nor do I want to leave her." I exhaled deeply, trailing my fingers in the water as I began to trace shapes upon the moon kissed silk. "Perhaps I have simply become greedy and desire to have everything all at once."
"That's not greedy, it's just natural. You found where you belong in two different places at the same time, that's all." He phrased it so casually and so simply that the brilliance of his words might have been easily overlooked, but I was listening. Startled, I stared at Porthos for a moment, comprehending the ingenuity of his wisdom. He frowned. "What? Did I say something wrong?"
"On the contrary, you said something quite profound." As my mouth curled into a grin, I flicked water towards him. "There is no end to your wonderfulness, is there Porthos?" He rubbed his neck as he looked away, growing bashful once more. "I am lucky to know you."
"If anyone's the lucky one, it's me. You've taught me a lot of things, stitched me up, saved my life a few times too. A few of those wounds might have killed me if it weren't for you." My sight naturally rested upon his shoulder, recalling the most recent severe wound from the head of an axe. Then my gaze dropped to his chest, where a blade had almost nicked his heart. Porthos was a tapestry of wounds and stories, but each one was a monument to his survival, to his strength. As much as each memory was painful, I loved each and every one of them, because none of them were the wounds that had ended Porthos' life. If Porthos were ever to die…a sudden grief and agony gripped me.
It was powerful and cruel, squeezing my heart until I thought it would burst within my chest. The pain brought a rush of tears, and they were flowing before I could stop them as I gazed at Porthos and imagined him cold and lifeless. No longer would those warm, obsidian eyes look upon me like that, with such care and concern. Never again would I hear his resonant, mellow voice or feel the strength of his body hold me upright when I could not hold myself. No more would his hands hold mine, so tender and gentle yet firm, as solid and dependable as rock and stone. I could not imagine it. Such a thing was too painful. "Madeleine, why are you crying? Please don't cry…I don't know how to make it better…" he flailed helplessly, and I managed to laugh despite the hollowness my thoughts had left behind.
"I am sorry, I just thought…completely my fault, it was silly of me, but I…" I too became flustered until the moment Porthos pressed a hand to my cheek and brushed away at my latest tear. Suddenly it became all too clear. My heart ached, but now for a different reason, even as I rapidly fought to suppress it. I swept away the notion as if expecting it to only be fleeting, but it returned with such a heated passion and force that I buckled underneath its power. I grasped Porthos' hand and held it desperately, causing his face to deepen in concern. "Do not ever die, Porthos. I could not bear it if you were to…" I could not even bring myself to say the words. "Just…do not." For a long while, Porthos simply looked at me. Others described him as slow. I described Porthos as a deep thinker. No matter what his thoughts, be they simple or complex, he always thought about them carefully, seeking to understand each and every one of them to their fullest.
"I don't die easily, Madeleine, so don't you worry about me." He finally answered, and I released a light gasp of air. I leaned into the touch of his hand until it was removed and I promptly splashed my face to cool my enflamed cheeks. "You alright?"
"Yes," I breathed, the pressure in my chest finally easing enough to allow me air. "Perhaps it was just the wine." The look Porthos gave me told me that he was not convinced, and that he knew that I had not drank any wine at all. He chose not to raise this point, however, and instead simply took off his cloak to place it around my shoulders to keep me warm. I almost broke down weeping once more at his gesture, but I settled for simply accepting it, and nestled into its warmth as the stars continued to be our only company and witnesses for such a private and personal exchange.