Of course Porthos did not stay silent on the matter of my near death experience. I knew it for a fact, because soon after I had confessed what had happened to him, Athos came storming into the palace in search of me. Not having expected him, I went to him when a servant informed me of his presence and request to see me, thinking nothing of it. I also did not expect the bone crushing embrace he flung upon me, and the refusal to let me go for a long time thereafter. Aramis and d'Artagnan were with him, Porthos absent only because I had threatened him with bodily harm if he rose from his bed before his wound had healed.
Athos squeezed the air from my lungs, all but choking me with the ferocity of his embrace. "You should have told me. Immediately. You should have come to me, Madeliene…you were going to hang." Athos breathed in genuine trepidation, all but trembling as he continued to hold me possessively close to him.
"You need not remind me. I did not sleep at all because of the fact." It was true. Shadows had returned under my eyes and I already looked haggard from the restless nights caring for the prince. Gone was the lustre in my eyes and the rosy hue of my cheeks. Now I was waxen and pale. A poor imitation of the healthy figure I had fought so hard to become. Gone in an instant.
"Forgive me, I do not mean to be insensitive, but is Constance…?" Leaving his question to linger in the air, I smiled softly to d'Artagnan.
"She is alright. At least, she fares as well as I. We are rattled, but we shall recover. You need not have worried yourselves. The matter is done with."
"That is not the point!" Anger sparked within my brother, his voice echoing as it rose above the tolerable volume, but he swiftly brought it back under control, flexing his jaw to try and ease the tension locked there. "You must have been frightened, Madeleine. I am sorry we were not there when you needed us, as you have always been there for us."
"It will not happen again," Aramis promptly agreed, he and d'Artagnan stepping forwards as Athos had finally loosened his grip upon me enough so that they could grasp at my hands. "Your devoted knights shall always champion your cause, and defend you to the last, sweet Madeleine." Bowing over my hand, Aramis kissed it chastely.
"Although perhaps I felt afraid in the moment, I knew you would have come to save me. I would have fought to stay alive until you heard of my plight and come for me yourselves. Me and Constance both. Our faith in you is not a feeble thing," murmuring softly as they drew closer to hear me, I returned their earnest grasps with a squeeze of my fingers. "We are made of a sturdy mettle. Of that, you may be certain."
"As we well know, but all the same, we failed in our duty towards you and Madame Bonacieux." Endeared by their kindness and my brother's fierce gaze borne out of devoted brotherly love, I kissed their cheeks each in turn. They had all but stormed the palace for my sake, and I loved them all the more for it. It eased the last of my nerves so that I could continue my days in relative consolation, but the shadow of death did not vanish altogether. Anne summoned Constance and I to discuss what had happened.
She was torn between anger and gratitude, and thus in the end decided to neither punish nor reward us. Hearing her words, Constance and I had glanced to one another then curtseyed. "As you wish, your majesty." At this Anne blinked at our unexpected distance, sensing the frigid frost tainting our voices.
"Are you dissatisfied with my decision?"
"Not at all, your majesty. You are wise and know better than we. We are but your humble servants," I spoke for the both of us, Constance maintaining her gaze to fixate it upon the ground.
"Come now…the matter is resolved," Anne approached us, her skirts rustling as she reached for my hand. "Let us put it behind us." I allowed her to touch me, but I did not reciprocate the tenderness, merely maintained my composure. I sensed her tension through her grip when we did not respond. "Are you perhaps angry with me? Why are you being so cold, both of you?"
"May I speak plainly, your majesty?" A little taken aback, Anne stared at me for a moment as I had lifted my face to look upon her but allowed me to speak my mind without reservation. "Constance and I were going to be hanged." The simple truth struck us all like an avalanche of stone. I observed the queen calmly, taking note of her reaction to my bluntness. Her eyes widened, exposing their light hue as she inhaled sharply at my words. "We were to hang, and you did nothing."
"I would not have allowed the sentence to pass," she offered quietly, closing her mouth from where it had dropped open. "The sentence would have been commuted before either of you would have been in any danger." For me, this was not enough. I was hurt, wounded by Anne's misstep, and I would speak truthfully this once for I might not again receive the opportunity.
"With all due respect, your majesty, you did not trust us." Beside me I felt Constance take my arm into hers, holding me quietly to let me say my piece whilst reassuring me that she was still there, supporting me without question. "You did not trust that we would never betray you, did not trust that we are your most devoted and faithful servants…you did not trust that no matter how it may have seemed, we would only act with your happiness and safety in mind." A flash of shame appeared upon Anne's features, and I was satisfied that I had made my point. "If you cannot trust us, then who can you believe in? You chose us. You chose us to be your friends, your confidents, your allies. Yet you abandoned us so readily."
"I was not in my right mind, my son was near death…I cannot excuse my actions, but it shall not happen again. Both of you are the only ladies I can depend upon. I need you with me." For a moment I looked at Constance, surveying one another to gauge the other's thoughts.
"We are and always shall be your loyal servants, your majesty." Constance finally spoke, dropping another curtsey which I followed, for she still had a tight grip of my arm. "I was the one at fault, so if anyone is to blame for this, then it is I." Offering Anne a concession, Constance seemed willing to put the entire affair behind her and continue her duties. If nothing else, it kept her from having to return home to her husband. I agreed.
"Call upon us, if you have need," rising from our curtseys, we then stepped away from Anne, as if to draw a clear line between us. The friendship we had fostered together had fractured, and I was reluctant to cross the bridge again until I was certain it would hold, lest it shatter and break underneath my feet. Anne appeared hurt by this, but she nodded in understanding all the same.
"Very well, you may go for now." Accepting the dismissal, both Constance and I retreated. We attended to our duties with as much care and dedication as before, but from that moment onwards, my faith in Anne was shaken. She plied us with gifts as a means to apologise, jewels and gowns as well as books to add to my little library. We tried to refuse, but she insisted, stating that the life of her son was no small price, and that she was remiss to not reward us both for saving him despite the actions Constance had taken. Seeing as she would hear no further arguments, we simply accepted them graciously and continued our duties, as befitting two ladies in waiting of the royal court.