Never was it more comfortable to awaken than in the arms of Porthos. It would not be remiss of me to call him my lover, and the mere thought of him in such a fashion coloured my cheeks, but I smiled all the same. Taking a deeper breath, I arched my back lightly to stretch, moving myself to awaken my body a little more. Porthos had his arms around me, fingers resting in my hair with my cheek pressed to his chest. After a moment he too shifted, moaning deeply as he tensed in his own stretch, pulling his leg closer which shifted me towards him. Still sleepy, I felt him kiss my head before he rolled himself over, groaning still in dreamy daze.
As he moved I disentangled myself from him, moving as not to disturb him so that once he had rolled onto his front I was able to slip from the bed. I picked my chemise from the ground then pulled a thick robe around me, tying it off so that I was decent before pulling my hair free. Going to the window I pulled the curtain aside slightly, looking to see the state of the sky. It was a pale violet-grey, not yet sunrise but a subtle prelude to the day's beginning. Letting the curtain fall back as not to disturb Porthos, I made my way back to the parlour where the food from last night had been left.
I picked at some chicken, thinking to only have a little something but the moment I tasted the morsel, I realised just how ravenous I was. Last night had consumed a great deal of strength, so I settled to eating a proper meal even if everything was now cold. Leaving Porthos to rest, I had not thought to expect visitors at this time in the morning when it was so early, only servants would be awake and up at this time, as I would well know. Most gentry and nobles would sleep to a later hour, so when a knock came upon my door, I could not think who it could have been.
Cecila should not be here until after sunup, and she had no need to knock to enter here. I reasoned it must be another servant, possibly one of Anne's come to summon me, so I rose from my chair and went to the door, opening it only to discover it was Aramis. For a moment I was too stunned to greet him, blinking at him as I took in his guilty expression. He looked as if he had not slept at all, which would explain why he was at my door at such an early hour. Removing his hat, he held it over his chest, looking at me with mournful regret. "Apologies for disturbing you so early, dear Madeleine, I hope I did not wake you."
"No, I was already awake…what is it Aramis? You look distressed." Considering him for a moment, I stepped back and widened the door to allow him entry. "Please, come in. There is food if you are hungry, will you take a drink?" At first he refused, but I brought him one regardless as it seemed to me that he could use one. Placing the cup of wine in front of him, I then settled myself into my own seat before him. Already he had placed his head upon his hand, rubbing wearily at his features.
"I am sorry, dear Madeleine…so sorry…"
"Aramis, you are worrying me. What is the matter?" Prompting him gently as I grew increasingly concerned, Aramis promptly grasped his drink and drained it in a single gulp. "Aramis?"
"Forgive me," he apologised again. "I have no right to ask anything of you, Madeleine," finally beginning to speak coherently, I listened quietly, having no idea to what had brought Aramis in such a manner as this. "Already you have done so much for my benefit, sacrificed and endured more than I have any right to expect…I know that I should be on my knees in your presence for what you have suffered because of me." Recognising that there must be a dire reason for why he had come here. It was important enough to come regardless of his guilt.
"I suffered nothing I was not willing to endure for your sake, Aramis," I told him gently but firmly, wanting him to understand that what had happened in the past was not his fault and therefore, he should not feel such guilt. "It was my choice." Reaching for the pitcher, I poured him another drink as his continued to look with morose gaze into the distance. "Why have you come, Aramis? What would you ask of me?" Features flickering with regret, Aramis sighed heavily.
"Whilst searching for the missing diamonds, I happened across someone from my past. A woman, Pauline," evident from the way he spoke of her, I knew that this Pauline was someone of great importance to Aramis. "We were children together, and we were close. In truth, we were as close as siblings, as close as you and Athos are to one another." Straightening a little, I considered my relationship with my brother and reasoned that if Aramis was comparing his relationship to this woman, then they were very dear to one another. "We did not come from a respectable background. Our mothers were prostitutes, and Pauline also became part of that life once she was older. My father came and took me away with him…I had not seen her since until now."
"I had no idea," murmuring softly, I tapped a finger against my cup as I lifted it towards my lips, a little amazed that Aramis had come from such beginnings. "You have never spoken much of your childhood, now that I think on it."
"For the longest time, I worried that it would alter others' perspective of me, that their attitudes would change and I would be shunned for being the son of a prostitute." Taking a drink, I washed the wine in my mouth before swallowing, humming thoughtfully.
"Obviously you are now aware that such notions are unwarranted, at least where we are concerned," ensuring that Aramis did not still hold onto such reservations, he allowed himself a brief smile before assuring me that he knew better than to think that I and the others would think less of him for having such a beginning. "Very well, so long as you know. Now, what of this Pauline? I have a feeling you are here to ask a favour of me, and it is something to do with her." The flash of guilt returned.
"Pauline managed to raise herself out of her origins, made something of herself and became engaged to a wealthy man, St Pierre. For the first time in her life, she had everything. Silk dresses, broaches, and even a large blue diamond ring given to her by her fiancé, who was so determined to give her only the best of the best that he was willing to fight Athos for the right to keep the stolen jewel." Quickly I made the link between the blue diamond and the stolen jewels Queen Henrietta had lost to Bonnaire before they were reclaimed. So, that last jewel had been taken from Pauline's own finger? I nodded in understanding.
"Go on, Aramis. So Pauline is to marry St Pierre, now a lady of standing and considerable wealth. Why does that bring you to my door at this hour?"
"She came to me, after we crossed one another during the diamond hunt. She needed my help. Someone was blackmailing her with her past, threatening to reveal everything to St Pierre unless she left him. She was desperate to keep her new life, she was afraid that by telling St Pierre the truth, she would lose everything. I went back with her to help, and quickly devised who the author of those letters was. A man by the name of Corelle, a manservant in St Pierre's household. I warned him. Warned him not to pursue his threat." Rubbing at his face, Aramis continued to look deeply distressed.
"Presumably he did not listen to your warnings," even if I were a fool, I would be able to surmise this much.
"No. Or at least, that is what I assume, because after Athos and the others left with the diamond, I was meant to walk Pauline down the aisle to be married." Taking another deep drink, Aramis made a tortured sound in his throat. "She came from the stables and there was blood on her dress, Madeleine. She killed Corelle, there is no mistaking it. There…there was nothing any of us could do. It was too late to save him, too late to stop her. St Pierre has turned her away and delivered her to the guards. They have her in the Chatelet, where she is to be tried for murder…" he could not finish his own sentence.
"And executed." It was the penalty for such a crime, but now that Aramis had reached the end of his explanation, I realised why he had come to me at such an early hour. He had come hoping that no one would know what we discussed, to be discreet. He had come to ask me another favour and this time, it was to spare the woman who was like his own sister. For a moment, I briefly considered the pang of envy I felt to hear of another woman who had a claim upon Aramis's affections other than myself in the form of sisterly fondness. "You wish for me to intervene." Aramis looked away from me in shame.
"You have already done so much for me, sweet Madeleine. I should not be here, I should not dare to hope for anything from you for the rest of my life…but Pauline is still precious to me." Shifting from his chair, Aramis moved to kneel before me and take up my hands. He pressed his brow to them, kneeling before me in earnest whilst clutching me tightly. "Please, I cannot see her dead. If there is anything you can do, Madeleine…I will do anything you ask of me."
"Aramis," my throat caught as it tightened, "the only reason I have influence and authority is because I do not flaunt it. If I attempt to liberate a woman so thoroughly guilty of murder, then it would be nothing short of an abuse of power. Athos sentenced his own wife to hang for the same crime, if I speak for this Pauline, then it would make me a hypocrite." I felt his grip tighten upon my hands for a moment, his entire body tensing until finally he released everything with a breath.
"You are right," he finally agreed, however he sounded resigned to it, as if he had already accepted that this would be my answer. "It was foolish to hope that she could be saved, but I had to at least try. I owed her that much, at least." Understanding his disappointment, I placed my hand upon his head, fondling his hair for a moment before I leaned forwards and rested my cheek there, consoling him.
"At the very least, I will see what I can do for her. Perhaps I can ensure that it will be quick. Painless." Not wanting to give Aramis false hope, I held his head in my lap for a while, comforting him. In my mind, I was resolved to allowing justice to take its course. Pauline had committed murder; therefore, she must face the consequences of her actions. We had condemned Milady to her fate after she had murdered Thomas, regardless of the circumstances. If I attempted to save Pauline, who had even less a reason to kill her victim than Milady had to kill Thomas to preserve her dignity from his assault, then what would that make me? As I had said, it would make me a hypocrite.
Still my heart wavered, for I could feel Aramis's despair in knowing that he was to lose someone he considered a sister. It pulled at my conscience, my morals, and my resolve diminished a little. Kissing the top of Aramis's head, I brushed at his curling hair before he straightened, looking to me with softened gaze. "Sometimes, I think I am cursed, dear Madeleine," taken aback, I frowned at such strange words. "The women in my life…my mother, Pauline, Adele, Isabelle, Marguerite…all meet miserable ends, or suffer because of me. You are one of those women too, Madeleine. You and Anne."
"Circumstances cannot be blamed upon you, Aramis. You never wished harm upon any of us, and I know I speak for all of us whom you cherish when I say that we would rather be loved by you and suffer than not be loved at all." Brushing at his face, I looked at him with utter sisterly affection. "You are not cursed, Aramis. Merely blessed with an overwhelming capacity to love." Pressing his eyes closed, Aramis took up my hands and kissed them firmly. The light of the sunrise began to fill my parlour with a golden sheen, shining upon us as Aramis continued to hold my hands until finally, he rose up to his feet.
"I should go before the servants come," forcing himself to maintain a light, jovial tone, Aramis winked at me. "It would not do for you to be discovered so early in the morning with a man in your chambers, would it?" Maintaining an unaffected smile, I chuckled softly.
"No, indeed." I rose to see him off, walking him to the door where he turned and bowed, taking my hand to kiss it one last time. "Take care, Aramis. All will be as it should be," unable to offer him any further comfort than this, he nodded his head in understanding before turning away. I watched him go for a moment, listening to his receding footsteps before closing the door and pressing my back against it to let myself rest. Across the parlour I heard the door leading to my bedchambers click, opening to reveal Porthos and his wolfish smirk.
"Does that mean I should make myself scarce too?" He questioned and immediately I chuckled.
"Is it my honour you are worried for or your own? Perhaps I am the one who has been taking advantage of you," I suggested coyly, pushing myself from the door to approach him. He laughed quietly but richly, unfolding his arms from across his chest to bring me into them. A morning kiss was my greeting, and I savoured it deeply. Then we stood together, bathed in the morning glow as warmth began to rise, soft and enlightening.
"What are you going to do about Pauline, love?" Asking me quietly as he rested his cheek against my head, I sighed heavily as I attempted to think.
"I will not know until I go investigate the circumstances of her trial. Perhaps I might be lucky with the judge and they will be amenable to merciful inclination, but I will not hold my breath. The lower ranked magistrates are quick to pass sentence, as you well know." Grunting as the memory of his own ridiculous trial resurfaced, Porthos ran his hand down my back to rub in long, languid lengths.
"You'll see it's a fair trial. Knowing you, you'll probably get her exonerated somehow." Surprised, I drew back to be able to look at Porthos who was still smiling, hand now going to my hair and running it through his fingers. Something I had realised was how much he seemed to like touching my hair.
"What makes you say that?"
"Because you're more kind-hearted than anyone and everyone in this city put together, and because you don't want Aramis to grieve. If you don't walk out of that place with the woman at your side, then I'll chew on a bullet." Considering that I did not much care for the idea of Porthos breaking his teeth, I reasoned that it was quite necessary that I ensure Pauline's wellbeing at least in some capacity.
"You know me well," was all I could think to say before rising onto my toes and kissing him. For the moment, I put all thoughts of Aramis and Pauline from my mind, wanting to simply enjoy what remained of a leisurely morning with Porthos and relish in the finalisation of our relationship. We were lovers. After four years of what felt like a bitter agony, it seemed as if every moment of it had been suddenly swept away. I could not remember the loneliness, the aching or melancholy. Now I was consumed by him, as if his mere presence had filled the cracks within the broken parts of me, and I was returned anew. Whole and complete. It was the most perfect feeling in all the world, and I prayed that I would continue to feel this way for the rest of my life.