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They kept wandering through the museum. Charlie was tired of looking at art. He wanted to sit down with Nick and maybe … maybe go to sleep. He was really just exhausted all of a sudden.
Nick and Isaac were walking ahead of him as he dragged himself through the galleries. Everything around him seemed so far away, people's words echoing meaninglessly, the art nothing but a blur of colour.
Ahead of him, he focused on the only thing in the room that seemed real. "Nick?" His voice sounded faint even in his own ears.
Nick turned and spoke to him, but the words made no sense. And then everything went black.
When the light came back, he was on the floor with Nick's arms round him and all the others crowded near them. Charlie blinked, confused. "What just happened?"
"You just, um … You passed out," Nick said.
Darcy smiled. "Onto your boyfriend, though, so … all good."
Charlie sat up, turning to see Nick looking at him with a concern in his eyes that was almost fear. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just …" He looked around, wishing fewer people were here staring at him. "Really embarrassed."
Then Isaac burst into the gallery at a full run. He must have been scared, too—Isaac never ran. "We found them!" Behind him were Imogen and Mr. Ajayi and Mr. Farouk.
Mr. Ajayi knelt next to him. "Charlie, are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Really."
Having heard Charlie protest that he was fine under a lot of conditions where it was a lie, Mr. Ajayi was having none of that. "Come on," he said, reaching out a hand to help Charlie up. "Let's go find somewhere to sit." He looked around at the others. "You lot, you go back to the museum. I've got Charlie."
"I'm coming with you," Nick said.
Mr. Ajayi looked at him, then nodded. "That okay with you, Charlie?"
"Yeah." He wanted Nick. Nick and no one else. Although he didn't mind Mr. Ajayi.
"I'm going to get him something to eat," Mr. Farouk said.
Charlie had already learned that there was no point in arguing with Mr. Farouk, so he didn't.
Mr. Ajayi found them a table, and they took seats around it. Sitting felt nice.
"Are you sure you feel okay, Charlie?" Mr. Ajayi asked.
"Yeah. I just … haven't eaten enough today." It felt weird to admit that. He tried really hard not to mention his food intake to anyone unless asked directly. But he trusted Nick and Mr. Ajayi more than he trusted almost anyone else in his life. They had earned the right to hear him tell the truth.
"If you need to sit down, or you just want to rest on the coach, that's fine."
Mr. Farouk appeared, pushing a sandwich in its wrapper across the table at him and handing him a water bottle.
"Right," Mr. Ajayi said. "We'll let you chill out a bit."
"Yeah. Thanks."
Mr. Farouk held out a fist, much to Charlie's surprise. He couldn't help smiling as he bumped it. Apparently Mr. Farouk was nicer than he appeared.
The two teachers walked off, leaving Nick and Charlie alone.
Nick looked at him with concern, obviously wanting to ask questions and trying to figure out how. "Charlie. I've noticed you, uh … don't really eat a lot. Um … generally. Or …"
Charlie nervously picked at his sleeve, feeling trapped. He trusted Nick, he reminded himself. But that didn't make him feel any less anxious as Nick kept talking.
"I don't know. It kind of feels like it's … gotten worse, lately? Like, I feel like you eat less than you used to."
He wanted to jump up and run away, but he forced himself to stay in his seat, to nod, and to tell Nick the truth. "Yeah." There was more, but … Nick didn't need to be burdened with it. No one did. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
"Hey, no." Under the table, Nick's hand reached for Charlie's, the touch reassuring him, making some of the anxiety calm. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I just … I want to understand."
He did. Charlie could see that. And Charlie wanted to tell him. But he was so used to not telling anyone, it was hard to even think about how to put it into words. He looked up into Nick's earnest brown eyes. "I know I don't eat like normal people. Some days I'm fine, but other days I feel like I need to … control it. I used to do it a lot last year, when everything at school was really bad." Having gotten this far, it was a little easier to keep going. "Sometimes it feels like the only thing I can control in my life."
Nick looked down, like he didn't understand.
Charlie hastily shook his head, walking it back. "That makes zero sense. You can forget I said—"
"It does make sense. Okay, maybe I don't totally get it, but … I still want to know if you're feeling like that. If you're having a bad day, or … if there's anything I can do to make things less stressful. Cheering you up. I'm your boyfriend, Charlie. And I—I really care about you."
It was something Charlie had never imagined, in his best fantasies. That he could tell Nick his worst secrets, and Nick would still be there, holding his hand, asking to be part of his life, telling him he cared about him.
Reaching into his backpack, Nick took out the croissant he had packed that morning, putting it on the table. Charlie smiled and unwrapped it, taking a small bite. It was hard to swallow, stale and not very tasty after having been tossed around in Nick's bag all day. "It's a bit dry."
Nick laughed. "You are not rejecting the croissant I lovingly carried for you all day."
Smiling, Charlie picked up the sandwich Mr. Farouk had bought and took a bite out of it.
"So … what do you think Tao and Elle are up to? You think they found some corner and finally kissed?"
Charlie swallowed his bite of sandwich and laughed. "You're as bad as Darcy."
"I might be," Nick admitted. He kept up a running commentary on the art and on their friends, so that it didn't feel like they were just sitting here while Charlie ate.
It felt strange to have told him about the eating, even a little bit, but it felt good, as well, to be able to trust Nick with his secrets, and to know they weren't going to scare him away.