She was at least to say surprised the first time that she had woken up. She was rather shocked the moment she had woken up from what she would later learn was a coma that she had been in. She had woken to the taste of something in her mouth and when she tried to form the words in her head that was thinking she was surprised to find that there was something that was in her throat. She panicked and was unsure of what was happening.
She made the realisation that she was strapped to a ventilator and there was tube down her throat functioning to help her breathe. She could vaguely see that straps near her and hanging over her with the shadow of another equipment that could only be an IV pump that she was attached and ever so slightly weighing her arm down.
The sound of the rushing Nurses and then Doctors coming to her aide when they heard her moving and the roaring sound of her heartbeat from the heart monitor rising as she panicked.
She sensed no threat from the people that were in the room making contact with her and did not find them suspicious at all. They seemed to care and professional at the same time but also in their manner showed that they did not know her personally as they were talking to each her and not to her. The light been shown in her eyes showed that she was being tasted and the smell in the air was that of chemicals and that of a Hospital that was all too familiar to her.
She didn't realise how much she was panicking as they did their best to remove the tube from her throat so that she could speak. But the Doctors that she was seeing were young, rather too younger and inefficient for a task like this as they were not probably qualified and trained to do the job. The Egotism the young Doctors should have stepped aside and let the professionals to do the job instead of degrading the Nurses and let to do it.
Wires were being incorrectly pulled and phone calls were being made all at once, while all this was happening on to her could do nothing but watch as everything unfold as it happened. She could not help but panic as they started to take the tube from her throat as she was against it and wanted the Nurses to do it or wait for another Doctor to do the job probably, teacher these inefficient young Doctors a lesson.
They wrongly sensed what she was thinking and before she knew it she knew it her IV bad was being injected with a sleeping agent which would likely be Lorazepam. Her muscles started weaken and so did her mind as she started to fall asleep again and her eyes closed as the last thing she heard was the sound of a female shoes running into the room and the presence of what felt like a Doctor in the room as all eyes were on her. A more qualified and professional Doctor with the scuffle that her shoes made on the ground and urgency in her breath showed that she was panicked.
"Why was I not informed what this?"
"And who is reasonable for this?"
The soft touch the Doctor's skin showed that she was in her at least her fifties or her sixties. But the faint smell of moisturizer coming from her could mean that she was older and took good care of her skin and possibly looked younger. But it mainly her accent and language that had caught her off guard as her Doctor as American.
The second time she woke up, everything as different and more than it had been the first time.
The first sense to hit her was smell and aroma the flowers that were scented all across the room that she was located in. As she started to open her eyes the chemicals smells of the hospital then hit her with an all too familiar smell that she was used to.
Lying on the hospital bed she started struggle to sit up in her bed. But she was still too tired and in pain to properly move or sit up. All she could do was move slowly in the bed and do her best to open her eyes so that she could conclude what was going on as everything was hazy right now. This was would be a head injury that causes confession and some amnesia from what had previously happened and why she was here in the first place. This was shock to the brain and body.
She was too physically exhausted; all she could do right now was open her eyes. Opening her eyes, the fluorescent lights that were on the ceiling hit her eyes and stung them causing her to close and then open her eyes again.
Her room was littered with flowers.
It made her smile for a moment seeing them.
The handpicked flowers were obviously from The Junior Detective League. It was sweet of them.
There were sunflowers from Ran. She always did know what her favourite kind of flowers was and a love note attached to them. She recognised the flowers immediately from Professor Agasa's private garden. Haibara would not be too happy if her special flowers had been picked by them but she knew Haibara the softie that she was would have already forgiven them.
She saw other flowers too. Most of them modest flowers that were from other people she knew. Ones that would have been bought from the Hospital gift shop in a rush other local shops on the way almost forgetting to get something but finding it necessary and not wanting to look rude. This was likely from Takagi and other detectives that she knew because there was a fair amount of them and she knew that it was sweet of them because of their jobs they did not have the necessary time to think something like flowers through.
There were also ones that were slightly bashed at the root and stem of them as if someone had abusively held onto them. Also, the top of them was slightly torn and there was petals lying nearby as they were arraigned in a bad mood. She did not need to read the card to know that they were from Hattori.
She frowned when she saw them. The way they were cut from the stem flawlessly and put in a boutique with a white bow and an expensive glass vase that was obviously stolen with the crystals that it was decorated with the sun shining through as it shone beautifully. It was almost mesmerising.
A large bear that was holding flowers, this was Sonoko no doubt.
She looked around there were expensive flowers in the room as well but she could not think who they would be from. Everyone that she knew her knew that she disliked tulips because of a case that she had worked on.
She looked around further to see other flowers as well expecting something extreme and outrageous, something that was unless and bewildered that it would outshine everything. But using all her strength to do her best to get up and look around the room, she could not find anything that was like that. There was no dresses, make up, jewellery and lovely gifts that her Mother would get her. There were no mystery novels from home, there were only ones that were from the Hospital and none of them had been read. Her room was not decorated with items from home. There was nothing that was sentiment to her, nothing that was from her home and was given to her by her parents.
There was no whiffed of her Mother's perfume in the air or the smell of her Father's aftershave that he used to cover up the smell of when he was smoking.
No chocolates secretly eaten with the wrappers misplaced by the bin as all the chocolates had been left unnoticed and unacknowledged.
Some of the flowers were left unnoticed, untouched and left to wilt. Something that her Mother would never let happens in a million years because she would water them and decorate the room properly with the flowers. All the flowers were just randomly placed around the room with someone just looking for a place to put them.
Flowers were dead.
They were gone.
They were gone and there was no way of solving her way out of this problem. This was a deduction that she had sadly come to a conclusion and one that she had regretted solving without a second though to the damage that would cause to her. Now she knew how the people would watch and witnessed her deduction come to light and realisation when it dawned on them the truth.
The five stages of grief:
1. Denial This would be a stage that she would miss as a Detective there was no denying the truth and there was no denying death itself because no one could come back from the dead. And in a case like this she was never wrong and her instincts were telling her that this was the truth.
2. Anger As of right now she could not remember how she got here or why she was here in the first place therefore she could not come to a proper conclusion on how it all happened. As of right now only the anger could rightfully so placed at herself because there was no forgiving herself and it is natural reaction that when someone dies the person blames them and is angry with themselves because of this. Anger will be her strength as she works her way through her grief as her anger as been her anchor and so finally worked for her as for her struggle as Edowaga Christie required it and worked so finely. Anger had structured her life, and it would be now and forever the same, she was accepting this for the rest of her life. It was all that she wanted to feel right now as she did not want grief to get in the way if there was a case that involved her parents ultimatum.
3. Bargaining is a pointless step as it is only fiction and "What Ifs" this was all reality and there was nothing that could be changed about it. This step is just guilt and nothing more as someone is weighing out for hope, something that will not happen. It is all a fantasy and something for children to hold onto. It is denial and nothing more.
4. Depression The worst step at all because it is the one that stays with you the longest and changes the person that you are and who you are. This step is grief itself and is people's reason to kill and make decision in life that they may come to regret in life. A step of healing and some people are never properly healed from this step and the death stays with that person and moulds into their nature.
5. Acceptance- This was a step that she had already come to.
She would have to look out for the reoccurring thoughts of suicide as she had seen it on many cases that she had worked on and it was rather high in people of her age category. Suicide risk was higher for females and well as the thoughts of it. She knew of how people have killed themselves and how to do without any pain and how it is done quickly. She has more knowledge that she cares to admit and if she was honest with herself the thought of it has crossed her mind more than once. She knew part of her was suicidal or how else was she possible to do the stunts that she had pulled off and gone against the Black organisation well knowing that she could die in the progress. These thoughts were necessary to admit to her and were required to do what was necessary, as well as to keep her sane.
Seiji Asoh always came to her mind when he thought of suicide. It was the first suicide that she had witnessed and one whole heartily that she wished that she could have stopped and regrets happening. This was a person that was lost in their grief and emotions at the death of the person that they loved the most. Revenge was the person reason he had to live for and once that was gone, he had nothing to hold onto and was all too happy to die after he had gotten his revenge. It was his sole purpose in life, and he had accomplished his life goals and the only task that he finished was to save her life and die playing the piano that his father had loved. Dying there was special to him and was his way out of life playing the music he grew up loving and hating so much. That music still haunted her to his date.
She lived in Japan where the general attitude of suicide as be considered "tolerant." It can be seen as a moral obligation and at times the responsible action to take when the situation is required. This stems from the history of feudal Japan were in death was required as a function for the military.
It is/was considered honourable death amongst Samurais. This was considered an action to take when there was failure in battle or death will be inevitable. This is an honourable death and would be considered dishonourable if action is not taken and shame will be brought to themselves and their family.
The Doctors were coming to check up on her and to keep certain events from her just in case that it could break her. Well, it was far too late from them to keep the truth hidden from her because she already knew it.
One Truth does not always Prevail.