A/N: Not intended as slash. References include 'Balance of Power', 'Terrorform' and 'Legion'.
Three
Oh, bollocks.
It took a moment for the news to sink in for Rimmer; he cast his gaze towards the ceiling as he lay back on the bed. He had found in his days as a permanent soft light hologram, his voice was the only thing he could use to interact with his environment. Ordering the skutters around, trading insults with Lister, snapping at Holly; his voice was the one part of him that made him feel truly alive. Without it, he was nothing more than a beam of light that happened to bear a resemblance to how he appeared in life. Even then, I look worse now than I did back then. The light bee is complete smeg at generating wrinkles.
He could feel every pair of eyes in the room on him, but he maintained a firm stare at the cracks in the ceiling. Hopefully they're smart enough to realise I want to be left alone right now.
As if he'd said the words aloud, he realised he heard the medibay door slide open. He lifted his head to see Kryten and the Cat making a discreet exit, with Lister remaining by his bedside. Oh God, spare me the inspirational speech, Listy. I don't need it.
"Look man, despite what smeg we might say, we really do care about ya," Lister reclaimed his seat. "If you want, we can leave ya alone and not say a word to ya until you're back to normal. Only other option is if we come up with some sort of way of communicatin' for ya. Don't suppose ya know sign language?"
Rimmer gave the younger man a condescending glare before shaking his head. Do I look like an interpreter to you? I can barely understand an astronav exam paper! And those are written in English!
"Stupid question; you could never get Esperanto, so how the smug would you know sign language. Shame Holly's not online anymore. Could've given ya a little whiteboard or somethin' to carry around," Lister sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Never mind. I guess I'm just gonna get really good at readin' lips. You can at least whistle, I s'pose."
Like that'll do much good while you're murdering everybody's ear drums with that guitar. Rimmer gingerly raised his torso from the bed, pausing for a moment to allow the vertigo to pass. He moved his fingers to the hem of his uniform, repressing a shudder as he felt nothing beneath his fingertips. The softness of the fabric, the temperature of his hand, the pressure exerted by the pads of his fingers; all he felt was nothing, and it terrified him.
"Don't worry, Rimmer. We're not gonna leave you like this forever," Lister instinctively went to place a hand on Rimmer's shoulder, retracting it at the last second. "Like Kryten said, you should be back to hard light in a few hours. Then at least you can write your rantin' down for me to read."
Fifteen hours is just a "few" hours to you? I suppose three million years is just "a few years" to you as well! Rimmer snorted angrily. He shuffled himself off of the medibed, swaying slightly as he readjusted to being upright. The lightheadedness seemed to have disappeared for the time being, though he was still cautious with his movements.. His legs seemed shaky, though if they actually were he couldn't tell. It had been a long time since he was soft light, but he was sure he could at least feel sensations in his own hologramatic body. It feels like I'm standing on nothing! Surely this isn't normal?!
Rimmer ran his fingers through his hair and across his forehead, his panic doubling when he realised he couldn't feel anything. Not even the sharp edges of his H were detected by his holographic neurons. He gestured at himself worriedly as he mouthed to Lister. I can't feel any part of my body!
Lister scrunched his brow as he took a moment to interpret Rimmer's lips. "It's probably 'cause Krytes had to completely shut down your drive. You used to be able to feel hot and cold stuff when Holly simulated it for ya, yeah?"
Rimmer nodded vigorously. What I wouldn't give to have that old git back to translate for me.
"I'm assumin' - and this is just a guess - that it's completely shut down all functions related to generatin' your body as well, since that would be done by the hard light part of ya drive," Lister crossed his arms. "I mean, I'm just a vendin' machine repairman; what do I know about holograms?"
You certainly know how to get on my hologramatic nerves. Rimmer's shoulders slumped as he turned away from Lister, slowly walking towards the door. Excuse while I go and sulk in a pit of misery.
He was perfectly aware that the door had closed itself. He was also aware he had no means of opening it. Rimmer ignored Lister's cry of surprise as he phased through the door, continuing a long trek down the empty corridor.
His became lost in a whirlpool of anger and exasperation, unaware he had reached the lift until he had phased through the doors. Opening his mouth, he automatically went to ask for his quarters, only to let out a mute scream of anger when nothing left his vocal cords. A tear managed to escape his eye, allowing more to run freely. You useless pile of steaming smeg!
In a fit of rage, he ran one hand through his hair, tugging belligerently on the nonexistent strands while he uselessly struck the lift controls with the other; his fingers simply passed through the metal, leaving the lift unscathed by his rage. Why this? Of all the possible things that could've happened to me in this godforsaken universe, why make me mute? I could've been turned into a chicken like Lister! Or thrown in a tank of water to drown like the Cat! At least those still carry the opportunity to make some sort of smegging noise!
Rimmer lowered himself to the floor, suddenly fatigued. I have been asleep for two days; maybe an emotional breakdown isn't the best way to start a recovery period. He wiped his eyes as he fought to compose himself, a talent he was very skilled at in order to avoid experiencing the wrath of his father. Grow a pair, Arnie! Father would be disappointed if he saw you in such a blubbering state.
The lift doors opened silently, allowing Lister to sneak inside without attracting Rimmer's attention. He was initially taken aback as he watched the hologram struggling to hold back tears. Rimmer had never been one to be emotional in front of the others - Lister couldn't remember if he'd ever even seen the man shed a tear in life or death. To see him in such a vulnerable state almost felt unnatural.
Lister walked in front of Rimmer and lowered himself onto the ground, groaning as he felt his ageing legs protest. It took a moment for the hologram to acknowledge his presence and raise his eyes from the floor.
"I can't imagine how ya must be feelin', Rimmer. I really can't," Lister chose his words carefully. "But ya gotta trust Kryten, alright? He knows what he's doin'. We will get ya fixed up, I promise."
Without waiting for a response, Lister addressed the lift. "Sleepin' quarters, thanks."
When Lister looked back towards Rimmer, he realised the hologram was mouthing something at him. "Slow down a bit, mate; I missed that first part."
Rimmer fought to maintain his newly re-established composure. Since when did you people actually care for me?
Lister was stunned by the bluntness of Rimmer's question. "..'course we care for ya. Boys from the Dwarf-"
Don't give me that rubbish! Rimmer mouthed furiously. Why are any of you helping me? You heard what the Cat said - I might as well be dead in this state, so why don't you just shut me off and be done with it! He buried his head in his hands, his nails burying themselves in his forehead.
Lister couldn't keep up with the speed of Rimmer's lips, but he realised what the hologram was trying to say. "Rimmer, you're forgetting that the Cat can be a complete arse most of the time. But Kryten and I really do care about ya. How can we not, after all the smeg we've been through together?" Lister smiled. "Y'know, one of the happiest moments of me life onboard this ship was seeing you get ya hard light drive. You never saw me, but I saw ya touchin' everything once we got back to Starbug. Grabbin' wires, stroking the walls; I was grinnin' like an idiot, man. It was so good to see you happy."
Lister paused. "You might be a smeghead, but you're still part of the crew. We'll look after ya."
Rimmer lifted his head and narrowed his eyes at Lister. I never forgot the moon, Lister. I hope you're being sincere this time.
The lift came to a shuddering stop. Before Lister could reply, Rimmer had hoisted himself up and marched out in the direction of their quarters.