TUATHA DA DANAAN
After a quick explanation of his circumstances, Sousuke walked with the others into the bowels of the boat.
A more in-depth discussion would take place when they all reached the meeting room, which was in the process of being set-up as a de facto medical suite for his examination. The sick bay had not been decontaminated after a run of influenza had forced the submarine to hold her position at sea while a large number of seamen where airlifted to hospitals on the mainland.
Before heading to the room, Sousuke stopped by Arbalest, to see if he could interface with the A.I. and run the Lambda Driver while in Kaname's body. He had a curt and cursory discussion with the A.I., who asked too many questions about how it felt to be a man in a woman's body. Naturally, he was getting that question from everybody.
"You will not be called away from the school for routine missions, Sergeant Sagara," Lieutenant Commander Kalinin informed Sousuke, after his subordinate had donned a pilot's helmet and strapped himself inside Arbalest. "But, if a situation of the severest nature arises, we will send for you… or if the location requires, send the ARX-7 to Jindai. Before you pilot into combat, I suggest you ask Miss Chidori for permission to put her body in harm's way. No… let us make that an order…."
"Should I call you 'Mam' instead of 'Sir', Sergeant Sagara?" Al liked to be prepared.
"Be quiet!" Sousuke's easy irritability with the machine hadn't changed one bit. "We do not have time for questions. There are tests to run, not mouths to run." Al very rarely called him Sir in any case. 'Sir' was usually for officers.
"But Sergeant, I do not have a mouth." Al also liked to be precise and literal.
"I know that!" Sousuke barked. "Keep silent until I order you otherwise." He sighed. Kurz and Mao had decided to join him. Tessa, too. The conference/medical room must be near to being ready.
"Can I ask one final question, Sergeant Sagara?" Al sounded normal. He was incapable of pleading.
"Go ahead!" Sousuke continued checking readouts. It looked as if it was his mind that was required to operate Arbalest, not his body. He felt better about that. He didn't want strategic targets or needy people to suffer because of his misfortunes.
"You have successfully transferred your mind to another human body… and Miss Chidori has successfully transferred her mind to yours…." The machine paused, as if it were human, and as if it was afraid to ask the next question. "Do you think it possible to transfer my intelligence to a human body?" He had once hoped to be transferred into a Trans Am. He then decided it would be better to be like Data in 'Star Trek The Next Generation', and help design an android body to host his 'mind.'
"Gepetto, your boy is growing up," Kurz said to Sousuke. Tessa caught the reference, as did Mao. Sousuke did not.
"Gepetto?" Souske asked. He was unaware of that reference, having never read Carlo Collodi's children's novel or watched later derivatives. "Was he some famous transgender soldier? A victim of a scientific experiment gone awry?"
"You are not transgender," Al noted. "Transgender people have a gender identity or gender expression that differs from their assigned sex. Some transgender people identify as transsexual if they desire medical assistance to transition from one sex to another. Transgender… often shortened as trans… is also an umbrella term: in addition to including people whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex … trans men and trans women… it may include people who are not exclusively masculine or feminine… people who are genderqueer or non-binary, including bigender, pangender, genderfluid, or agender."
"Hey!" Kurz had meant things as a way to show his cleverness, not an invitation to a mechanical lecture. "Don't-"
"That-" Sousuke fought to keep his temper down. Not only did he have issue with his physical coordination, his mind seemed to be operating under vague handicaps, too. Both issues needed work before he headed back to Tokyo.
"Other definitions of transgender also include people who belong to a third gender, or else conceptualize transgender people as a third gender," Al continued. "Infrequently, the term transgender is defined very broadly to include cross-dressers, regardless of their gender identity."
"Shh!" Tessa acted as if she could actually quiet the verbose A.I. "Shhhh-hhh-hh-h!"
"Maybe this will fucking work." Mao picked up a large wrench used to adjust hydraulic couplings. She tried to figure out what and where she could strike without earning a huge pay cut or a night in the brig. Maybe she could just pour some beer in the thought center. It worked with people, in a figurative sense.
"And… when I mentioned assigned sex… that word did imply the sex we discussed before, when you showed me those body images on-line." Al had no idea that Kaname's body was turning red. While Sousuke did not act like Weber towards the opposite sex, that did not mean that Sousuke had no interest. His difficult early life left him missing in social cues, not normal male hormones.
If Tessa were a tea kettle, steam would be about to jet forth from her ears.
"Sexual intercourse… also known as coitus or copulation… is principally the insertion and thrusting of the penis, usually when erect, into the vagina for sexual pleasure, reproduction, or both. This is also known as vaginal intercourse or vaginal sex. Other forms of penetrative sexual intercourse include anal sex … penetration of the anus by the penis… oral sex …penetration of the mouth by the penis or oral penetration of the female genitalia… fingering… sexual penetration by the fingers… and penetration by use of a dildo… especially a strap-on dildo. These activities involve physical intimacy between two or more individuals and are usually used among humans solely for physical or emotional pleasure and can contribute to human bonding. For example… xample… ample… ple…le… e."
Lieutenant Commander Kalinin was the one person on board who had the executive authority to shut down Al… in effect, using the equivalent of a scram. A scram is an emergency shutdown of a nuclear reactor, a type of kill switch which achieves its results by inserting large amounts of negative reactivity mass into the midst of the fissile material. In this circumstance, the Russian had used a key to open an emergency cover and pushed a large red button that injected numerous questions into the A.I.'s thought center, distracting it for whatever time was necessary, until a code number was typed into a control panel to reverse the process.
"Be careful what you say," Kalinin informed the Captain. "He will be unable to formulate speech… but he will still be recording everything we say." Had he pushed the red button and entered a specific code, the total shutdown that resulted would take days to be circumvented. The shut-down system had originally been intended for situations when the A.I. might run amok and take actions of its own accord.
"Th-th-thank you, Commander." Tessa said. "G-G-Geppetto, a craftsman in a Tuscan village created a wooden puppet name Pinnochio, who would later dream of becoming a real boy." She was still a bit wobbly on her feet; but, she was not a total milquetoast. She straightened her uniform… took a deep breath… and added: "He is notably characterized for his frequent tendency to lie, which causes his nose to grow."
"He's like me," Kurz said with a thrust of his pelvis. "Except when I lie to a pretty lady, the thing that grows is my oooo-ooo-oo-o-" He let out a long groan when Mao kancho'd him.
"In the movie," Tessa said. "Pinnochio saved Gepetto from a giant whale and dies. But, a Blue Fairy decided that Pinocchio has proven himself brave, truthful, and unselfish. To reward him, the Blue Fairy resurrects Pinocchio, turning him into a real boy." She turned to look at the ARX-7. "So... it doesn't hurt to hope to be Pinnochio some day."
"Fuck that," Mao said, happy to be a party pooper. "That's just fucking Disney's way of pussifying every fucking thing. In the original story, the puppet was an asshole. Even the fucking wood carver called him a wretched shit. The first thing he did after being born was steal his father's wig. Things went to fucking hell after that. There was no ass-kissing ending. It was meant to be a tragedy. It ended with the puppet's execution. Pinocchio's enemies, the Fox and the Cat, bound his fucking arms, passed a noose around his throat, and hung him from the branch of a fucking oak tree."
"Thanks for that, Sergeant major Sunshine," Kurz said, walking funny. "I can't believe you read a child's book. I didn't even know you could read." He aptly dodged a round house kick.
"I didn't," Mao replied. "I saw the porno movie version." Everyone was silent for a few moment's after that.
"Still, mind transfer could be a real hot thing some day." Kurz looked at Tessa. "Right, Tessa babe?" He unexpectantly began to sing, in a pleasant voice that shocked everyone:
"I took my troubles down to Madame Ruth
You know that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth
She's got a pad down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine
Selling little bottles of love potion number nine
I told her that I was a flop with chicks
I've been this way since 1956
She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign
She said "What you need is love potion number nine. Oh yeh!"
"I… I don't understand…" Tessa didn't know if she wanted to. She knew Kurz all too well.
"Wellll-lll-ll-l-" Kurz chuckled. "Imagine this. After we get Sousuke back into his body, we put Angel's mind in yours, and yours in hers." He pointed at Sousuke. "He's hot for that body. You're hot for him." He kissed his fingers. "Oo la la."
"That-"Tessa turned pink. She almost tripped over her own feet. "Mister Weber!"
"And," Kurz continued. "We could transfer Mao's mind into a keg of beer… that's where it is most of the time, anyway." He rubbed his hands together. "While her mind's swimming, I'll take good care of her body. Schwinnnggggg!" He barely managed to dodge a fierce jab form Mao.
"We could transfer Sergeant Weber's brain to a donkey!" Tessa said, animated.
"That would be redundant." That was Al talking again. Kalinin had typed in the reset code, hoping a reboot would settle things down. "In the past, Sergeant Major Mao has informed me that Sergeant Weber is a horse's ass."
"Bingo!" Mao slapped hands with Tessa.
"They are ready for you, Sergeant," Kalinin called over to Sousuke after picking up a ringing deck phone and speaking to an unknown person. They all headed over to the conference room, where Peggy Goldberry awaited Sousuke.
The ship's doctor gave him a thorough physical exam. Kaname's body was in fine shape. She had him get dressed again, and meet her in the boat's hallway, where everyone else from the earlier small group was waiting.
"Alright, Sergeant." Peggy waved her hand towards the boat's stern. "Walk for me that way, normal at first, and come back to me walking one foot in front of the other." She watched intently as Sousuke followed her directions.
"I… this…." Sousuke sounded frustrated. The results were nothing new, merely more exaggerated. He had been having issues walking and using motor functions ever since he awoke in Kaname's body. "It's a problem."
"Indeed," Peggy said, rubbing her chin. "I figure that recovering from the transfer process might be a lot like the recovery patients face after suffering traumatic head injury or surgery to remove a brain tumor." She frowned. "Initial problems are caused by brain swelling. That included weakness… dizzy spells… poor balance or the lack of coordination… confusion,,, speech problems… and seizures-"
"Sounds like Mao after every trip to the bar," Kurz said, waiting for a laugh or too.
"Your point is," Mao said calmly. That was a real buzzkill.
"But, some of the symptoms remain, even after the swelling goes down," the doctor said. "The initial reports make me think that your problems are caused by different kinds of issues… molecular issues… with or without brain swelling If you are intending to go back to school as Miss Chidori, people at the facility will inspect you too closely if your motor skills are too discombobulated." She knew something about Sousuke's mental particulars, too. "You are not good at lying."
"What can you do, doctor." Tessa wrung her hands. "Mithril's funds are not limitless. Even if they were, the administrators at Jindai Municipal High School have drawn their line in the sand. Sousuke… I mean, Kaname… has to make it to school." She didn't need to add that the events at the neurological facility were beyond Top Secret. No one at Jindai could learn of the mind-body switch.
"We do not have time to fly Sergeant Sagara to Merida Island to undergo physical therapy, even if such therapy could be done in one night." She pursed her lips. "But… if Sousuke puts his mind to it… and we do what I think we can… he can probably move well enough to get by with minor excuses. And, he can be coached in the latter."
"How?" Sousuke felt his spirits rise.
"Dance," was all that Peggy said. She smiled. She bet that no one there would have guessed that answer in a million years.
"Dance?" Kalinin asked. He thought a moment, rubbed his beard, and then nodded his head.
"Yes," Peggy said. "Dancing is one of the best advanced physical therapies ever, as it involves muscle strength, as well as coordination and balance. And, in Sergeant Sagara's situation, it might help alleviate some of his problems. Indeed, we don't know if there is actual damage to Miss Chidori's brain or body, or if his mind simply is not used to Miss Chidori's body. Dance could help the former over a long time of practice and working out. And, the vigorous movements might help his mind synchronize with her body in a much shorter period of time."
"I elect Tessa," Kurz said helpfully. "Oh yeh! I remember her telling me she wished that Sousuke would have danced with her onboard the Pacific Chryslis on that overnight Christmas Eve cruise. On her birthday. It's never too late for a birthday present!"
"I-" Tessa pinked up again, thinking about dancing with the normal Sousuke. But, he had told her that night, that he liked Kaname. "That-" She shook her head violently. "I do not want to dance with a girl."
"Mao?" Kurz asked.
"I only dance on my back," Mao replied. "Or on top." She slammed Kurz in the belly after he said 'it takes two to tango' and pointed to himself.
"I can't dance," Peggy said. "Two left feet."
"I would not mind dancing, even in my wounded condition" Kurz struck a pose a lot like one from TAG magazine. "But… with my injuries, I could not move very quickly." He licked his lips. "It would have to be a slow dance."
"Vetoed!" That came from Tessa, Peggy, Mao, and Sousuke at the same time.
"How about you, Mister Kalinin?" Tessa sked. "It would be alright. Miss Chidori wouldn't mind if it were you. And Sousuke is like a son to you. You could think of it as if you were teaching your son or daughter to dance before their wedding." She abruptly put her hand to her mouth, feeling tears about to fall. She realized just what she had said, to a man who had lost his wife and unborn daughter to a botched delivery. "I'm… I'm…"
"It's fine, Captain," Kalinin said. "But I will still need to decline. I once promised myself that I would never dance with a woman again, after she died." They all knew that he meant his late wife.
"Isn't Ensign Madhur Roshan a champion dancer?" Sousuke had overheard the man speaking about that topic with a fellow sailor.
"Yes!" Tessa clapped her hands. "He is. He was once thought to be the best dancer in Bollywood, before he changed careers to become a mercenary."
"I'm sorry to say that Ensign Roshan is not onboard," Peggy said sadly. "He was one of the crew members that contracted Asian Avian Influenza A. He was sent to Ramkhamhaeng Hospital, Bangkok, Thailand."
"Then who-" Tessa looked flummoxed.
"I believe that I could be of service." That voice! It was the last one that Sousuke had wanted to hear. It was one he would never have guessed would want to help him in any way. "I was a champion ballroom dancer." It was Commander Mardukas.
"But-" Sousuke couldn't get the words past his tongue.
"I trained for months at the Witley Wonder Underwater Ballroom in Godalming, England, when HMS Turbulent was up for repairs." Mardukas struck a pose.
"But-" Sousuke tried again and failed just as miserably.
"You might find it hard to believe," Mardukas said. "But, you shouldn't. I also spent time as a dance instructor at The Blackpool Tower Ballroom."
"B-B-B-But-" Even the extra effort didn't help Sousuke.
"Do you doubt my credentials, Sergeant?" Mardukas pierced Sousuke with his gaze, his visage softening when he realized that he was glaring at Kaname Chidori's body. He would have to convince himself that it was possible to glower at only Sergeant Sagara's mind. "Will you refuse my instruction? I can make it an order, if necessary. With the Captain's permission, of course." The way he said it made it seem that he did not expect the young woman to override his demands.
"No, Sir!" Sousuke stood at attention. It felt odd, smacking his heels together in heels. "And no, sir! I will gladly accept your tuition." That was a lie. But, it was a necessary falsehood. He wouldn't be shocked if he broke out in hives, dealing with that man.
"To the hangar bay, then." Mardukas turned on his heels and marched off. That was clearly an order to Sousuke. The others followed because they were not told to do otherwise. Who could miss out on watching this? Kurz took a short detour to grab a video camera.
When Sousuke and Mardukas reached their destination, the older man took time to give Sousuke a comprehensive overview on ballroom dancing, while the younger man started sweating everywhere a girl's body could sweat. He came close to passing out on a number of occasions
"The waltz is a popular dance for lots of formal occasions like weddings, quinceañeras and coming-out parties," Mardukas said. "It is elegant and looks wonderful to those who are watching from the sidelines. The good news is that it is one of the easiest dance steps to learn and to execute."
"Sir, yes sir!" Sousuke fought the urge to salute. To him, the calm words of his superior sounded more frightening than anything Gunnery Sergeant Hartman said in 'Full Metal Jacket'.
"The waltz is a dance which has morphed over time from an old German folk dance, and it is danced to a 1-2-3 beat," the commander intoned. "Most waltzes are slow, and by mastering the basic dance step, you can survive the waltz pretty easily."
"I will do my best, commander!"
"If you have ever seen a ballroom dance exhibition or competition, you know that the waltz is often quite elegant and fluid," the submarine commander continued.. "The dancers can seem like they are floating around the floor. While your initial waltz may not be quite that impressive, you can quickly learn the basics and then with some practice, the image can be quite impressive."
"I will die before I fail you, sir!"
"Don't get my hopes up," Mardukas said without thinking. He had to keep in mind that he was dealing with one person's mind, and another person's body. That had him thinking protective thoughts about a certain teenage girl, and all teenage girls in the world, for that matter. "We will begin dancing, now." With each instruction point he said out loud, he added an additional point that only Sousuke could make out. "I think I will do this backwards," he said, an idea coming to mind. The boys mind and body situation was inside out. So, he would do things inside out as well. He would teach the boy to dance the lead, even though he was in a girl's body, and had a grown man as his partner.
"Backwards, sir?" Sousuke received no verbal response. Instead, Mardukas put them in the proper start position.
"Take your partner in your arms in a classic dance stance with your right hand on her waist and your left hand in her right hand," Mardukas said. "Her left hand should be on your right shoulder. This will feel pretty natural in time. As you dance the waltz, she will follow you doing the mirror image of what you are doing."
Sousuke did as instructed. He blinked rapidly when the Commander spoke in his ear:
"Treat young ladies as human because that is what they are. They breathe and they have feelings. Your words and actions can cause lasting damage. Think before you speak and act. With any girl, but most importantly, with the body you are borrowing."
Sousuke promised that he would. He was not so dense that he didn't realize that the moral imperative was meant both as a short term solution, and as a lifelong behaviour should he regain his body.
"Listen to the music for a couple of moments and get the 1-2-3 beat in your mind," Mardukas instructed. "Then, on a first beat, step forward one step with your left foot. Your partner will be stepping back one step with her right foot. Got it so far?"
"Affirmative, sir!" Sousuke swallowed hard when Mardukas hissed:
"No slut-shaming. Girls have the right to wear whatever they like without fear of being sexually assaulted. What they are wearing or the fact that they enjoy sex is not an invitation for you to make unwanted sexual advances or speak about or to a girl in slut-shaming terms. And, to preserve Miss Chidori's reputation, you should better not act like a slut!"
Sousuke agreed again.
"On the next beat, step forward and to the right with your right foot," Mardukas guided the movement to make things easier for his subordinate. "Your right foot should make a bit of an upside-down 'L' shape to get there. Again, your partner should move her left foot back and to the left so, at the end of the step, you are still facing each other."
"Like this?" Sousuke did his best to follow orders. He began sweating more heavily when Mardukas said:
"When a girl says 'NO' to anything she means 'NO!' She does not mean 'maybe' or 'I'm not sure'. Girls can say 'NO' at any time during anything. This means you STOP immediately. And, as Miss Chidori, your answer had better be 'NO', unless you talk to her mind and she specifically tells you to say 'yes!'"
Sousuke blurted out "Of course, sir!"
"Shift your weight to your right foot without moving your left. It's just a gentle leaning movement," the ship's number two droned on, at one with his teaching. "Now, on the third beat, slide your left foot over to your right and you will be standing with your feet together. Again, your partner should be mirroring your steps. Now you will look like you did right at the beginning."
"It is becoming simpler," Sousuke remarked. His momentary satisfaction died like a flower on a vine when the other man said in a razor-sharp tone:
"Girls are equal to you in brain power. In fact, many will exceed you. This may be news to you but they can also be physically stronger than you. They can also be better at sports. So, don't be an arrogant prick. Also, do not ruin Miss Chidori's future sporting endeavours."
"Now, on the fourth beat of six, step back one step with your right foot. You partner should be stepping forward with her left," Mardukas said, followed by:
"Many girls love to have fun and party. This does not mean you can come onto them when they are drunk or high. In fact, this is a good time to look out for them as you would any human in a similar situation. And, you will rue the day I hear that you got Miss Chidori's body drunk or high, around boys or otherwise."
"I would never do that, sir!" Sousuke tried to keep his mind on the task at hand. He felt a lot as if he were being lectured by a prom date's father. Not that he had any personal experience there. He had seen teen movies at the base theatre before.
"On the fifth beat of the music, step back and to the left with your left foot, then shift your weight to your left foot," the commander commanded. He then breathed through clenched teeth:
"Girls are not here on this earth for your pleasure. They are not sexual objects. It may be news to you, but they do not like cat-calling, gossiping with others about their bodies or appearance, or being stared at while going about their daily routines. That means you too, when you see her body in the mirror. I hope we understand one another, Sergeant."
"Sir, yes sir!" Sousuke hoped that the 'gremlin' in his mind wouldn't use all this instruction against him. Like many folks, there were subconscious parts of his mind that sometimes thought things that he consciously did not want to think, or unconsciously caused him to do things he normally wouldn't do.
"On the sixth and final beat of this dance step, slide your right foot forward until your two feet are together. Again, you and your partner should be back together, feet together, facing one another just like right before you started," Mardukas enunciated. He then growled:
"Pornography is not real. It is not what a loving respectful relationship looks like. What you may have seen are two or more actors. Even though the woman appears to enjoy sex that objectifies and degrades her, in real-life this most likely is not the case. A loving relationship is where two people enjoy time together and both enjoy sex that is mutually respectful. But… for now… you shouldn't even be thinking about sex by yourself, or with anyone or anything else! Store this away for the future!"
"It is not my intention, sir!" Sousuke replied. He had been propositioned by prostitutes many times, and had never felt the need to go with them, or had shot down any urges that raised their dirty heads.
"Now, you start again just like the second step with stepping one step forward with your left foot, only turn both you and your partner about 1/4 turn to the left. Then repeat the pattern again,"Mardukas said. And then:
"Do not take pictures of girls without their permission. Do not post such pictures on the internet. I repeat, DO NOT do this despicable and illegal act. That means, do not take pictures of Miss Chidori's body for a screen saver, a Christmas card, a mouse pad, or anything! You will make doubly sure that you never allow Sergeant Weber to do the same!"
"That would go against my principals, sir!" Sousuke claimed.
'If it feels like you just made a box with your feet, you've got it. Practice over and over again with the music until you are comfortable with this basic waltz step," Mardukas said. This was just the first go through. There was time left before Sousuke had to clean up and make the flight back to Tokyo. He added:
"So… let me summarize, Sergeant… if you do anything coarse, rude, or repugnant to Kaname Chidori's body, I will personally cut off your testicles with a dull and rusty knife, and hang them from the ship's yard arm."
"Da Danaan does not have a yard arm, sir." Sousuke would have been better off staying quiet.
"Then… I… will… build… one… Sergeant." Mardukas began the dance instruction again from the beginning, at a quicker pace. "Hmmm. Maybe I should just have the Chief Mechanic weld me up a chastity belt. I'll hold onto the key." He would be certain to resume grilling Sousuke with truisms, too.
"Uhhh."
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Sousuke wrapped his wet hair in a towel. He had been told that that was a way to speed up its drying. An odd thought struck him. If long hair was this much work, just what trouble must Medusa go through.
He felt as if he himself were trapped in some ancient Greek myth. No, a Greek tragedy.
The TDD-1s laundry had cleaned Kaname's clothes and he proceeded to get dressed, trying hard not to look at his image in the bathing room's mirror. Commander Mardukas's talk was still too fresh in his mind. His muscles were sore from the man's instructions. Two hours of dancing had, however, gone a long way towards resolving his coordination issues.
After a quick bite in the boat's lunch room, he grabbed his travel bag and headed towards the hangar bay. To save time, he would be chauffeured in an F35Mi, a VTOL aircraft capable of getting him to Tokyo much faster than a helicopter.
"Yes, time is important." Sousuke took off the towel and slung it over the bag. "I have to make it to school on time tomorrow-" And, there was an unknown but very finite amount of time remaining for Kaname and the researchers to find a solution, if one existed. He looked down at the ring. It was still a shade of pink, but one shading to violet. "Patience is a virtue."
There was nothing he could do about the events taking place at the hospital. With every passing moment, everything he did from walking to brushing his long locks helped him sync his mind to Kaname's body. There would be opportunity aboard the fighter jet to organize his thoughts, deciding how to approach his most dangerous mission in a long time: school. School as Kaname Chidori. Kaname Chidori, student council Vice President, sports star, and prep school student.
Naturally, he would not be left alone in the launch area for the pilot to arrive. A familiar duo was waiting there to see him off, and to treat him in the fashion they were wont to. Kurz and Melissa leaned up against a couple of large containers filled with jet engine fuel. Unwisely, Mao had a lit cigarette hanging from her lip. Kurz held a large red heart-shaped box of candy. He was singing ABBA:
"Ooh
You can dance
You can jive
Having the time of your life
Ooh, see that girl
Watch that scene
Digging the dancing queen. Oh yehhhhh!"
"This is for you, Sousuke-" Kurz handed him the box. "I want you to think of me very kindly. If you do that, and there's such a thing as body memory, maybe Angel will want to ooophfff-" The air went out of him like a balloon punched too hard.
After socking Kurz, Melissa held her cigarette out to Sousuke. "Here, take a pull." She took a cellphone out of her pocket. "Or at least put it in your mouth without inhaling. I gotta get a picture of Kaname Chidori, bad girl."
"Yeh," Kurz said, regaining his breath. "That would go well with the pictures from the camera I hid in the bathroom." Sousuke knew his friend was lying. He had used spy gear to check the integrity of the room. "But seriously… while you were in there… you must have taken a chance to get a long good look at Kanaaamaaay's lovely body." He looked ready to salivate.
"Negative," Sousuke said. "I did not." He handed the cigarette back to Mao. "I will not."
"Pussy!" Mao put the smoke back in her mouth.
"Idiot!" Kurz looked like he had been personally insulted. "How many men have such a rare opportunity? You can indulge your senses to your hearts content. You don't have to sneak peaks at Kaname in her gym shirt and bloomers. She'll never know what you're looking at. You can sniff yourself all over, with her perfume if you like, or wearing the clothes that smell like her at her apartment. You can try out her voice… 'yes, Sousuke'… 'take me now, stud muffin'… 'I'm cumming… I'm cummmm-mmm-mm-ming… o…oo… ooooo-oooo-ooo-oo-oh… ahhhhhh-hhhhh-hhhh-hhh-hh-h'."
A crowd of transport pilots, aircraft engineers, and launch personnel had gathered to listen in. That only served to egg Weber on.
"And don't forget taste," Kurz said, eyes twinkling. "You can run that tongue over everything you can reach. Kaname has gymnast skills. She's good at bending, if you know what I mean. But let's save the best for last." He was hyperventilating. Really. "Touch. You can touch her all the places you might like." He shaped breasts in the air and then pretended to fondle them. He did the same thing with a pantomimed ass. "Better yet, you can touch anything and everything that Kaname might like to touch. Know what I mean, jelly bean?" He rubbed his hands together. "In a sense, you could get to Third Base all by yourself."
"Stow it, asshole. You're wasting Sousuke's time, here." Mao kneed Weber in the nads. "There's no sense in gabbing about all that school boy shit!" She put out her cigarette on the top of one of the enormous fuel carboys. "You're only going to have so much time. You need to skip right to the good stuff."
"What good stuff?" Sousuke frowned. He knew better than to ask that. The question had slipped out. Damn gremlin!
"Tonight… before you get home… you should go out and get totally shit-faced. "Then… you should fucking go and get fucked. And then, fucked again. Again and again."
"Sis-" Kurz didn't know if he should do a happy dance, applaud, or call for an MP to escort Melissa to a secret pistol-whipping. No, it would take a lot more than one MP. He had to take things seriously. He really did care for Kaname, and would never want to see her taken advantage of. Mao probably felt the same way. Probably. Anyway, Sousuke was probably the last man on Earth who would take advantage of the blue-haired lass.
"I'm serious," Melissa said. "You're a guy. When you finally start wearing your big boy pants, you will get to fuck girls by the dozens." She had heard too many female sailors whispering about Sousuke when he wasn't around. He would never have to work hard for a score. "You can do that until you get old and your cock falls off."
"I heard that happened to Mardukas," one grease monkey said. "I bet that's why he's such a tight-ass mother fucker." Most of the gathered crew laughed.
"I was talking here," Mao said sharply. No one was laughing any more. Most turned around and hurried off to find something useful to do.
"As I was saying," Melissa said, lighting up another smoke, dragging the match along a huge crate filled with munitions. "How many guys get to fucking feel what fucking feels like as a woman? You get to do it both ways, without doing it both ways, if you know what I mean." She saw the look on his face and chuckled. He did know, at least in theory. The things that the late Gauron once said to him were still fresh in his mind. "And… there's a bonus… when it's finally time for you to fuck little miss goody two shoes hard and long, you can be a big-time hero. You'll already know just what she likes best."
"I'll pass," Sousuke said, disappointing Mao the way he always did. He had even more reason to be circumspect, this time. His imagination was running wild. He pictured a large gaseous replica of Commander Mardukas's head floating high in the hangar bay, like something out of the Wizard of Oz.
"No," Mao said sourly. "You fail. You fail big time." She loved ragging on Sousuke, even more than she loved using Weber as a punching bag. She had another evil thought. "I'll pay you one hundred bucks to get a tattoo… or nipple piercings."
When the pilot arrived, Sousuke said his farewells. After climbing aboard the custom two-seat version of the stealth aircraft, he buckled up and put on his helmet. He frowned, remembering something that had been mentioned to him numerous times, by multiple superiors. That thought ended when the jet's Pratt & Whiteney engines roared to life.
When the time was right, the pilot engaged the Rolls Royce LiftSystem, The three-bearing swivel module, a thrust vectoring nozzle at the tail of the aircraft which allows the main turbofan cruise engine exhaust to pass either straight through for forward flight, deflected downward to provide aft vertical lift. Front lift came from a contra-rotating lift fan located forward of the main engine.
"We're off," the pilot said.
"Thank you," Sousuke replied. "I look forward to the flight.
This was the first time he had flown in any variant of the F-35. He started thinking about an earlier VTOL jet, wondering if the jet he sat in owed any design features to it. The Russian Yak-141 'Freestyle' multi-role fighter had been born during a tumultuous period in Russian military history, flying for the first time in 1987. But after one of only two prototypes exploded while landing on the aircraft carrier Admiral Groshev in September of 1991, the program was effectively crippled, and later terminated.
He couldn't keep his mind on point. Thoughts about VTOL aircraft could wait until later. He resumed his earlier thinking. His orders still had him feeling very uncomfortable.
"You can carry no weapons," Kalinin had said. He had been told the same thing by commander Mardukas, Tessa, and Clouseau. Even Kurz had offered to frisk him, to make certain he was unarmed.
"I feel naked." That choice of words had a sweat drop form at one temple.
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LABORATORY
"You should take a rest while you can," a kindly technician told Kaname.
Sousuke's shirt was plastered by sweat to his body. Normally bothered by her own sweat, Kaname took little notice now. She had to make a great effort to focus her mind consciously, noticing seemingly for the first time, the jury-rigged devices and monitors that had been brought into the laboratory one after the other for the past half hour.
"Would you like a drink?" Someone from the hospital's food court had made another run with refreshments. "Oh… well… never mind…" She noticed the area surrounding Kaname. Every flat surface was covered by empty or near empty bottles and cups, some fallen over in the case of the bottles, and a large number stacked within one another, in the case of the cups. Not knowing how long the process might take, she decided to leave one bottle for later, an ice-cold Canada Dry Ginger Ale.
"Thank you," Kaname said, wondering at first why she wasn't thirsty, if she felt this hot. When her vision cleared, and she could focus again, she scanned the space about her. There was an empty bottle of Mitsuya Cider. Two bottles of Wilkinson Carbonated Water. Coca Cola and Coca Cola Zero. Kirin Lemon. Ramune. Fanta Grape. Dekavita C Double Supercharge. Iced Green Tea. Match Vitamin Drink. Melon soda of three different brands. She belched long and hard, and then apologized profusely to Anne. "Did I…" She shook her head. No. It wasn't possible. "Did I drink all of these myself?"
"Yes," Dr. Necessiter answered. "You chugged most of them down non-stop. I've never seen anything like it."
"I've never heard anything like it," Dr. Hfuhruhurr said, mentioning nothing about frightening flatulence , or Kaname burping louder than a thunderstorm. "I'm quite surprised that you've never needed a bathroom break."
"Bathroom?" Kaname suddenly felt the need to pee. Pee really bad! She had been oblivious to everything around her, during and between the cresting-and-falling waves of Whispers. Now, not only did she realize that she needed to void her bladder, she had to face the hideous truth that walked hand-in-hand with that need. "Oh no…." She swallowed hard. "Is there a ladies' Room nearby?"
"Yes," Miss Uumellmahaye said. "But…well… you should probably use the men's room."
"I'll show you," Dr. Hfuhruhurr said. "I have to take a wizz, myself." He motioned for Kaname to follow him. They left the Lab… tuned left… and walked about twenty paces to a large enclosure that served as a rest room and a dressing area. Urinals lined one stretch of wall. Toilet stalls with doors were located across the way, next to a line of sinks. Showers were at the far end of the room, situated just passed longs lines of lockers. A large digital clock on the wall marked the time to shift change. The current number was very small.
Her mind teetering between sheer panic, and the strange sleep-like state that followed the Whispers, Kaname followed the researcher into the room. As he walked over to a urinal, she headed to the one next to him, like a baby duck following its mother. Standing there, her mind snapped back into focus.
"What?" She saw where she stood. Dozens of thoughts ran through her mind at the same time. She was in Sousuke's body. A man's body. Men's bodies came equipped with appendages that women lacked. Said appendage was intimately involved with the process of micturition. The word intimate was far more than she wanted to think about at that moment. She stepped back from the porcelain contrivance as the man next to her made a long drawn out sigh of pleasure, the one that could only accompany the much-needed draining of one's lizard.
"I need-" Kaname looked around the room. Did the room have what she needed. What exactly did she need? Large gloves like oven mitts might be nice. Or salad tongs. Something like long handle pliers, or even a pair of chopsticks, would do in a pinch. She had no desire whatsoever to touch that… that… that thing! She moved her hand off of her zipper.
"Do you need help?" Dr Hfuhruhurr turned to face her, keeping the rest of his body at the appropriate angle.
"EEK!" Kaname took a quick step backward. "PERVERT!" She looked ready to run for a moment, but quickly regained her composure. She remembered that she was in Sousuke's body. That was what was the root of the problem, so to speak, wasn't it? Perhaps it was alright for a man to ask another man that question. "Sorry."
"If you need me to show you how-" Dr zipped up and turned towards Kaname.
"-" Kaname took more steps back. That was too much. Way too much. Whether she was a she, a he, or a they. "It's okay… I'll be fine… really…." She hurried over to a stall, pushed open the door, closed the door, and latched it.
Feeling as if the headwaters of a dam had built up close to spilling after a long series of rainstorms, Kaname knew that she had no more time to waste. This had to be done. It had to be done right now. She would be damned if she peed her pants like some two year old. In quick precise motions, she removed her pants and stood staring at the toilet. A figurative light bulb went off over her head, an idea coming to mind. She stood over the toilet and squatted, the fleshy appendage in question hanging down over the pot.
"It's sort of like part of an udder," Kaname told herself. "Girl cows have udders." But, that thought back-fired. Udders needed to be milked. The thought of a milking motion had her going cross-eyed. She stood back up by reflex. Damn it. She was about to explode. She would have to do it. Wait. What was that, there? A utensil for cleaning the commode. Gold in color, and with a brush at one end, it had a long tubular shaft, just about the right diameter. If it screwed off….
It did!
Kaname screwed off the handle, slid it over Sousuke's flaccid penis, and waited for the torrent of urine. Nothing happened. Was there some button she had to push? Did she need to say a magic word, like 'Shazam'? Was there some kind of timer? She knew those kinds of thoughts were ridiculous, but she couldn't help herself. She wondered if the flute-like organ might play a merry tune when it finally got around to working.
Without further ado, the crown-jewel of male anatomy did what is would have done earlier, had Kaname not been such an emotional and mental wreck. After she was done, she said a short prayer and made an effort to remove the god-send utensil. But, that handle wouldn't budge.
"Damn it!" Kaname tugged harder. She swallowed hard. The blasted thing hadn't grown hard, had it. Her ears burned, thinking that thought. "Why… won't… it… slide… off…" She pulled this way and that, tugging up and down, swinging her hips and thrusting her pelvis. She was moving too strongly, and was paying far too little attention to her surroundings. She slammed into the door. The latch gave way and the door swung open. "Gah."
Dr. Hfuhruhurr stood there, politely waiting to escort Kaname back. Dr. Necessiter had come in, the thought of other people peeing making him feel the need himself. A number of technicians and security guards who had just gotten off shift had lined up at the urinals.
"I can't say I've ever seen anything like that before." A white-haired man missing half of his teeth pushed his hard hat further down his forehead to cover his eyes. "A man can't un-see that."
"You could have just used your hand," one man called out helpfully. "It's much softer."
"I have a Magic Wand and Hitachi attachment back in my desk," a security guard offered kindly. "It's been cleaned." The item he mentioned was a male sexual device.
"Hey! I know what that reminds me of." A custodian stared at Kaname, who was in a state of shock, because of her assignation, and the afterglow of her Whispers. "That Austin Powers movie… 'Goldmember'!"
"My winkie's a key!' That came from Dr. Hfuhruhurr, a big fan of Mike Myer's movies. He had tried out a fake Dutch accent, mimicking the character of Johan van der Smut, aka Goldmember, who was aptly named.
"Ahh. I see. You're a tripod." Dr Necessiter said that to Kaname the same way that Austin Powers had said it to Mini-Me.
"You look toit," a technician said, peeing on his feet when he stopped paying attention. "Toit like a toiger!" His fake Dutch was better.
"I took a viagra earlier," another technician said, trying to sound like Fat Bastard. "It got stuck in me throat and I've had a stiff neck for hours."
The quotes kept coming. The crowd kept growing. So did the legend.
Kaname acted without thinking. She moved to run quickly from the room. She should have taken the time to pull her pants up. She took a nose dive, bouncing off the floor and finding herself laying ass up.
"Lovely," Yoshihiko Hatoyama said. The Prime Minister of Japan was passing buy in the hallway, on the way to his scheduled tour of the Mithril facilities.
"I wish I were dead," Kaname whispered.
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A lot of material was taken directly from Wikipedia.