The Big Switch

by dave-d

Kaname visits a medical center with secret facilities, to help research the origin of the Whispers. No good deed goes unpunished. Who will be the hero this time? The answer is not as simple as it might seem.

14. Chapter 14

I suggest taking a pee break before starting this chapter.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

HOME ECONOMICS CLASS

Wiping the last of the grease from his hands with a moistened paper towel, Sousuke approached the door of the Home Economics classroom.

He could only approach, because the door had only just been unlocked by the teacher, and most of the class was already in line, waiting to get in. There was the usual smattering of boy's talk, complaining about the need to take the class, accompanied by unrelated girl talk.

"It's been such an unusual day," Kyouko noted, reviewing the day's photographs, ignoring boy and girl talk alike. "If I sent these pictures to another high school, they'd claim that they have been Photo-shopped… fakes…who could believe it"

"Shit," one boy said, "Crazy doesn't begin to explain it!" He looked over at his buddies, who all nodded in agreement. "Things aren't this weird when Sagara's around."

"Oh man," another boy exclaimed. "Can you imagine how the events might have gone, if that military freak had been here today? Mayhem multiplied!"

"Please don't imagine such things "Maya said. "It would be like finding yourself in the middle of the Apocalypse."

"The End of Days," Daidai remarked.

"Ragnarok," Shinji said aloud. Under his breath he said: "That would be sooo-oo-o cool!"

"Let's not take a time machine back to the early Kamakura period," Rumiko said. A great uneasiness among the Japanese people had arisen from consecutive disasters, famines, wars at that time connected with the misunderstood Buddhist teaching 'mappo.' "That Latter Day of the Law' stuff had people believing that the world was coming to an end soon."

"It's not like someone is building a big boat," Ono-D said. "And animals are coming two by two." He didn't specify whether he was remarking about the legend of Noah, or the Epic of Gilgamesh. Both stories had huge ships being built and then loaded with all of the animals of the earth.

"Whether the world ends or not, it was stinking strange, wasn't it?" A boy started counting on his fingers as he made his way into the classroom. "Hypnotic speeches. Crazed police women. Exploding bowels, bladders, and bellies. Serial killers… yanki… mascots. Chainsaws!"

"Kaname speaking," Satomi Yamazaki said, still aching in the anus. "Kaname as a comedian. Kaname dancing. Kaname pretending to be an action hero. Kaname with blue hair. Kaname with black hair. Kaname with blue hair again. A real woman can make up her mind."

"That's right," Mizuki agreed. "A real woman doesn't need to act like a damsel in distress, just because a man has a butterfly net. And a moral woman wouldn't be running outside with just a towel or two."

"Shut up, ass wipe." One of the returning sports club members didn't want to think about that or hear about that. He had been thoroughly embarrassed, and his need for revenge was only equaled by similar needs of his fellow athletes. "Just zip it!" He would lay low in this class. After day sports would be starting soon enough.

"Nobody mentioned the humping hounds from Hell," one boy noted. "Or the towering tsunami in the hallways. What's next, an alien altercation?"

"No," a girl said, breathless, stepping into the room just before the door was closed. "It's robots. I think I just saw a robot."

"Yeh, right!" One of the athletes scoffed. "You ought to get that brain tumor taken care of… or get a new pair of glasses."

"I don't have a brain tumor," the girl said in a huff. "And I don't wear glasses."

"Then it's probably time you start," another athlete said. "The glasses, I mean." In a strange intonation he said "Take… me… to… your… leader…"

"That's what aliens say, jock itch." A member of the girl's kendo club made a face. "That does not compute!"

"Much better," Shiori said.

"There once was a woman from Venus, who's body was shaped like a..." One boy was obviously a big fan of Star Trek the Next Generation. "DATA!"

Girls just shook their heads. Some boys chuckled. Having tied his apron on, the Home Ec teacher was heading over to corral the milling class.

"KLATU VERATA NIKTO!" Shinji was excited. He thought he had made a big score. He remembered someone saying that phrase at a SciFi convention.

"Great movie," Kyouko said. She was a fan of black-and-white SciFi and horror films. The classic 1951 sci-fi film 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' was one of her favorites. "But that's not what the robot said. That's what the alien Klaatu says to halt the robots rampage."

"What does Chidori say to halt Sagara's rampage," Mari said facetiously.

"She doesn't need words," Tomomi replied. She picked up a rolling pin and struck a stack of hand-towels. "W-h-a-m!"

"That's right," one girl said. "She's our first line of defense against robots… if they ever show up…."

"Like that's going to happen!" A boy sneered.

"No! I mean it!" The girl who had first mentioned a robot had been quite serious. "It was taller than me. It was riding a small tank or something."

As the other students bickered, Sousuke once again appraised his surroundings. The large room had a large central wood-topped table, its surface essentialy a giant chopping block. Open areas in the sturdy metal frame held electric appliances and large cooking containers. Smaller tables criss-crossed the room in the center area. Large ovens and stoves line one wall, and sizeable cooktops lined another. Large sinks were present at different sites, as were drains inn the floor. A room off to one side held large cleaning vats and dishwashing machines. An area near the windows had large racks with hangers, holding robes and aprons, as well as costumes sewn by Home Ec students. Some costumes were for school plays, while others were for holiday ceremonies and celebrations. There was a large white rabbit… Saint Nick… Halloween witches, goblins, and ghosts… and sundry other national holiday apparel. There were large manakins, some naked, and others holding partially made clothing or blank canvas. Tools and utensils of numerous types filled drawers and cabinets.

"Let me have all of your attention, please." Nobu Morimoto said, twirling his Fu Manchu mustache. "Today is a cooking class. It will be Chicken, Bread, and Eggs. But I will get to that later. He held up two stacks of paper. "Here's reading material that reinforces the value of this class. An article by Miho Kawamura entitled 'Japanese Home Economics Education 'Kateika': All Children Love It'. And another, 'Japan's Vegetable-Eating Men' by Amy Westervelt. Before we get to the day's work, I will summarize the content."

"Well whoopdee fucking do," a boy said, louder than he had intended.

"I'm thinking of proposing a new policy," Mr. Morimoto said. "Troublemakers get to clean the pots and pans after class." That was nothing new. "And… they get to clean all of the toilets, too." Since most schools did not have janitors, that task was done at the end of the day by all students, or all except the senpai in some schools. That held true for Jindai, seeing that Mr. Oonuki didn't do toilets. And if he did, he would be of no use having been taken into custody.

"There are some serious problems about human health and eating foods in the world," the teacher said. "Some countries are reevaluating food education and Home Economics education because of the need for solving these urgent issues. For example, the government of the United Kingdom has started Food education for all children in elementary and junior high schools. In Danish compulsory primary and lower secondary schools, a new subject, Food Knowledge, was introduced. Kateika… Japanese Home Economics Education… has a long history in Japan and accumulated much research and experience related to food education and children's daily lives. As you all know, Kateika is a compulsory subject for students from fifth grade in elementary school to Senior high school. And as you have been finding out, Kateika covers a wide variety of fields; food, clothing, living, baby and child, elderly, economics, family, and environment. Kateika has needed to change its goals during its long history to conform to social conditions."

"It once only placed great significance on acquiring skills for daily life a long time ago," one girl remarked.

"Brown-noser," one athlete said, doubting the teacher would follow through with his threats."

"We have our first 'volunteer' it seems," Mr. Morimoto said. Some students snickered, stopping when he glanced over at them. "Kateika now emphasizes not only the acquisition of skills, but also problem solving. This is useful for students in two ways. One is useful for students in their daily lives. Students sometimes cook in their homes for their families using their skills learned from Kateika classes. Those experiences are good for students, because they can get some competency and self-esteem. Another is useful for the students' futures. Interests for something and problem solving may be not useful now; but, will be useful in the future. There are many problems in our lives that need to be solved by ourselves. I'm certain you find that to be true, Miss Chidori."

"Uhhh-" Sousuke didn't want to stand out. It sounds like he had shown up far too many times already on the radar of the other students. He kept forgetting. 'Low key' was the word of the day. Well, the two words of the day. How could two tiny words be so difficult to remember! "It has proven necessary, living on my own."

"When students study Kateika, they are preparing for their future lives," one girl said. Her father did problem solving in a medical setting for a living. "There is not only one solution for problems and troubles in our lives. We need to choose the best solution for problems at that time. Students can learn many things in order to choose the best answer for themselves in Kateika classes."

"That will only help you in the future," Mr. Morimoto said. "What is useful in Home Economics Education? We know that it isn't easy to acquire skills for daily life. It will take a long time to acquire skills, for example, using kitchen knives, sewing, and cleaning rooms. Some people think that Kateika classes are not effective for students with no skills; but, experiences in Kateika classes are useful for students for now and in the future. In other words, Kateika can encourage students in their daily life, and promote them to be more conscious in their lives."

"To be independent, you mean." Maya said. "Like by cooking for ourselves, washing clothes by ourselves, and cleaning rooms by ourselves."

"Exactly," Mr. Morimoto replied. "To be capable. Not, as a matter of exclusion. We should connect with others and do everything to help each other. To help and to be helped by others will make our society good and comfortable for everyone. And… you boys listen up… it is a particularly useful lesson for you."

"But my mother does all that," one boy claimed. "And someday-" He stopped when the teacher held a hand up, and light shown off of his gilded front teeth.

"You were going to say 'And someday my wife will do it for me,' weren't you." That was a rhetorical question. The teacher was happy. The boy had brought up his major point. "What if you never have a wife? Or a girlfriend? What then?"

"He'll probably run out of tissues," one boy said, realizing his gaff too late.

"Another volunteer," Mr. Morimotoa said.

"It is useful learning culinary skills," Sousuke said. "Knowing what to eat and how to cook it is one of the most important survival skills." He ran off a quick primer on what foods in the wild were edible, and which were not. He slowed to a halt, remembering those two words again.

"Is she going to be a volunteer, too?" Satomi said hopefully. "For interrupting our class with all that nonsense?"

"No," Mr. Morimoto replied. "But you will do fine, if you wish. While a bit… esoteric… Miss Chidori's comments were cooking related. Where was I. Yes. Another fact I'm sure you've all heard is that Japan has a plummeting birth rate… an aging population with the oldest population in the world… and, thanks to the combination of low birth rates and tight immigration policies… a growing labor shortage. This prompted the government to turn its attention to an underutilized labor force. Can anyone guess…."

"Women," Shinji said. His mother worked.

"Very good," Mr. Morimoto said.

Sousuke almost opened his mouth, mentioning how Mithril had a great many women serving in the same manner as men. He whispered: "Be the ball… don't drop the ball… be the ball… don't drop the ball…."

"The government's assumption had long been that women and their careers were the root cause of declining birth rates," Mr. Mirimoto added. "Know why?"

"If women work, then they may postpone marriage and childbearing, or forget it altogether." Daidai said.

"And even though the government lifted the ban on career-track jobs for women-" Shiori said. "Companies continue to pay women far less than their male counterparts…promote women less… and funnel mothers into underpaid part-time jobs. I mean… who wants to be treated like that and raise children, too?" A lot of girls called out assent.

"Recently," Mr. Morimoto said. "The Japanese government began looking for ways to make motherhood more appealing to working women. They sent ministers to Scandinavia and France to bring home generous maternity… and paternity… leave policies, and a blueprint for government-subsidized day care. But, even that didn't seem to work. Even though the number of women in management in Japan has been inching up, the birth rate continues to drop. And here is the key. Especially for you boys." He glanced at each and every boy in the room. "To the extent that women found motherhood unappealing, it wasn't because of their jobs so much as the lack of involvement of their male partners. The government has been focusing on the wrong gender."

"That's what my mom always says," Rumiko relayed. "Right before my father decides to leave the house and go drinking, rather than hear the truth."

"Men… fathers…." Mari said. "My mother says they need to do more housework and childcare. My father agrees."

"Good for him!" Mr. Morimoto said.

"Could you see Sagara raising children," one boy quipped. He was already on toilet duty, what else did he have to fear? And, the more boys who spoke out of turn, the smaller his share would be, especially since he wasn't beyond bullying the others. Maybe, if he could prompt some 'class participation', he'd garner more toilet buddies. "'I have raised the children well,' he'd say to his wife. She'd look outside the window and see them dangling from a crane."

"'I have saved up money again, dear'" A girl joined in. "'It's economical. I am washing the children and their clothes at the same time.' Looking in the washing machine, she'd see the kids going round and round fully clothed."

"'We will never run out of ground beef, my love'," a boy said. "I placed mines in the cattle yards next door'." He smiled. "And, we no longer need to spend time cutting up fruit." He pantomimed cocking a shotgun, making the accompanying mouth noises. Who didn't remember the blind-folded game at the beach?

"Grenades looking like Easter Eggs," one girl said, seeing the holiday posters on the wall, and noting other signs of the holidays.

"The Tooth Fairy brings flash bangs!" A boy said.

"Stockings stuffed with MREs," a girl said. "A sentry laser on top of the Christmas tree. Getting more than their share of presents by setting booby traps for Santa."

"I'm certain young people must find that very funny," Mr. Morimoto said. "Although old, I still have a sense of humor. The first one who spoke up will be gratified to find out that toilet duty can be assigned by weeks, not just days." That had a number of students making a motion across their lips, as if they were zippering them shut. The one boy looked as if he felt a big black cloud was hovering over him. "You reap what you… sew…" He made as if he were threading a needle he held in hand. That had the class groaning. The correct word was 'sow' for that famous phrase. "Japanese men spend about an hour a week on childcare and household duties, while women spend thirty to forty hours a week, numbers that had not shifted even as the country had become more dependent on women's labor outside the home. But that story wasn't as simple as just 'those lazy men who don't want to help out around the house,' either. When the Ministry of Labor surveyed working fathers, they found that a third of them wanted to spend more time with their kids and wanted to take paternity leave, but felt that it would be frowned upon by their bosses. For the older generation, spending time with children was just not something men did."

"So this class is supposed to help us get used to the idea," a boy said. "And to make us advocates for change?"

"Exactly," Mr. Morimoto said. "For you guys or gals… if you are a salaryman… or if you are fortunate to the big boss who makes policy… it's good to get to know the way the wind is blowing, seeing that we are on the verge of a sea change. This class is about teaching what you need to do in the home… and teaching you about the things that are necessary outside of the home."

Sousuke stood there thinking. How did any of this apply to him? He was already independent, and had been self-sufficient since a very young age. Food had been as simple as opening an MRE… standing in line at the mess facility… setting a trap for some wandering wildlife… or walking into a store and buying fresh rolls, unless the day old rolls were on sale. Would he ever be married? Would he ever spend time working in the land of his birth? Well, information was ammunition of a sorts. It would not hurt him to learn things.

"The Japanese government began piloting the Ikumen Project," Mr. Morimoto noted. "That is aimed at drafting policies that would make workplaces more father-friendly and funding various cultural projects that would encourage dads throughout Japan to get more involved with their children. Maybe you've seen some of the results. Signs in subways and on crowded streets: an American-inspired, movie-poster-style billboard of an actor dressed in a Superman costume, standing proudly with the word "Ikumen" emblazoned on his chest. Men have been seen actually engaging in fatherhood on TV, and in films and magazines, too. The popular manga-turned-movie Usagi Drop centers on office worker Daikichi Kawachi, who becomes an Ikumen when he adopts his grandfather's six-year-old illegitimate daughter."

"I watch that!" Mari said.

"Me too," Shinji blurted out, before blushing. He felt his face grow even warmer when Mari smiled at him.

"Japanese markets show a lot more baby and kid products geared toward dads," Ono-D grumped. Those types of products had begun displacing the things he wanted, like anime-themed backpacks and imported sweets. "Bubble bath targeted at dads…dad-friendly baby carriers and strollers…. entire magazine devoted to cool dads…" Those had pushed aside some of his favorite porno mags. "Everything marketed with lines like 'This product was suited to papas' and 'Even papas can use this!'"

"My father is a member of group of other stay-at-home dads called Secret Society, Friends of House Husbands." Mizuki made a face. Her mother worked and her father stayed home. He packed her lunch. Her mother was a far better cook. "They consider themselves a step above that Ikumen thing. He's always bragging that Ikumen is a part-time employee, whereas the househusband is a full-time employee who takes on a dedicated role."

"He's right, in a way." Mr. Morimoto said. "But, words are important. The way things are sold can make a lasting impression. Feminists don't like the way that fathers are being built up, even though the gender gap hasn't changed all that much yet. There is a huge disconnect between the number of men wanting to take advantage of family-friendly policies and those actually taking advantage. Like I said, many bosses think the new policies are really strange. Men therefore worry that if they take paternity leave or they leave work early, they'll be penalized in some way."

"And… well…." Mikzuki hesitated. She felt like she would be airing dirty laundry. Then again, what class would be better to do that in than HomeEc. "My mom sometimes makes comments about my dad being a stay at home guy."

"That's the final point, and the one that ties in with the article title," Mr. Morimoto noted. "There is more to read there, but I will finish on this. "In the past, when I asked my female students about that type of stay at home man, they would all wrinkle their noses and say, you know, 'I don't know about those guys, they're not very masculine'." He asked the girls for a show of hands, seeing if they would like a 'vegetable eating man,' a term coined for stay at home men, as opposed to 'carnivore women', ladies who had careers. "I see. Like the past few years, about half of you are actually looking for a vegetable-eating man. Things are on the rise. I hope you young men and women do your share to define a better future. Okay. Enough blathering from this middle-aged single man. Everyone to your work-stations."

As everyone began setting up those work-stations, some continued chatting about the day's events. "Did you see outside the school, down by the street? There were so many ambulances and police vans. And, even a few JSDF vehicles." One girl noted.

"No," another girl said. "But there were a lot of flashing lights out back, near the area we were running earlier.

Not all girls were interested in chatting. One girl had a different goal in mind. Even more angered now by the very existence of Kaname Chidori, Satomi took a bottle of dark red cooking wine one off of a shelf when the teacher was looking elsewhere. After removing the cork, she took a turkey baster and drew wine all the way up into the bulb. Walking to conceal herself behind two taller talking girls, she squeezed hard, aiming at Kaname.

"Blurrr-rr-rg hack hack!" One boy took the first bit of wine right in the kisser, before the liquid travelled downward at an angle, leaving a broad and slanted burgundy band on his uniform shirt. He looked around; but, he had no clue as to what had just happened.

"Before the specifics, let's speak in generalities." Mr. Morimoto picked up a large black case and unzipped it. The contents were gleaming. It was his personal knives. "What is the first step in great food?"

"Well… you know…." One boy looked as if the answer was so obvious that the question was addlepated. "Good meat… good vegetables… good stuff…."

"No!" The teacher said. "The first step to great food is great knife skills. And, learning how to cut properly can make the difference between seeing kitchen work as a chore and a joy. It can mean the difference between unevenly cooked dishes and poor flavor development, and excellence. There's a good reason why the very first class any culinary student takes and the very first job any starting cook has in the kitchen is knife work. Cooking without mastering these basic strokes is like trying to run without knowing how to tie your shoes. These are the four strokes everybody should know."

"The breast stroke… the doggy paddle… the Australian crawl… the butterfly…." Some people were very slow learners, or had the attention span of a sieve. This time it was a girl with a poodle haircut.

After handing out another latrine opportunity, Mr. Morimoto said "Here's what we're gonna cover: The Slice…The Chop… The Back-Slice… and The Rock-Chop."

Sousuke stood stiff and straight, almost tossing off a salute. Knife skills? Knife skills! His focus was razor sharp.

"Slicing and the rock chop are used mostly with Western-style curved blades-" The teacher started. "-while chopping and back-slicing are more common for straighter santoku-style knives. So, it is good to have an arsenal, not a single knife."

"Affirmative!" Sousuke hung his head, saying that too loud.

"I will demonstrate these quickly," Mr. Morimoto said. "You may borrow one of the class DVDs if you want to see a similar demonstration. For those of you who are total beginners in the kitchen, you should at least take a quick look at the portion of the disc that talks about how to properly hold a knife." He went on to demonstrate the maneuvers, explaining why things were done the way they were, and when each type of movement was most useful.

"Todays topics include Chicken and White Rolls," the teacher repeated. That latter mention had Sousuke feeling better still. "And also… because of Japan's adoption of some aspects of Western holidays… and because our school has a connection with cancer centers thanks to Miss Chidori…." He didn't notice Satomi growing red in the face. "…. Everyone in the school will be decorating Easter eggs, and putting together Easter baskets for the afflicted children. Any extras will go to Tokyo orphans. So, today we will learn about boiling eggs… and we will start the long process of cooking the large number of eggs we need."

"Will we get to eat what we cook?" Sousuke had to ask. He had done so before in this class, in his own body, and been answered in the affirmative. But, he had to be certain.

"Yes you may," the teacher said. "And… not just your own. If anyone has a good recipe, we will try it out, and all of you can have a taste." He took large trays of meat out of the classroom refrigerator and placed them on the long central table. He looked towards the door, cocking his head. "Listen!"

"What is that?" A girl heard the faintest of sounds, one which was growing steadily louder by the moment. "I think I know what it must be. That's why we had to stay out of the hallway!"

"-" Sousue tensed up. It must be the yakusa. He hoped the robot would be sufficient. If not, he was in the one room where Mithril could not put a moratorium on weapons. He would have no difficulty finding knives of many sorts, all of them well-sharpened. Knives, mallets, skewers, and much more.

"It's them! It's them!" Another girl seemed excited. "It's the school band!"

Indeed, the school band was making its way through the school, so that every student would have a chance to hear their great sound and be thankful for their long and arduous practice routine, which took up most of the year. The band was going to join the mascots in the telethon, before boarding busses reserved for them. TheAll-Japan Band Competition is a symphonic contest for amateur brass bands arranged since 1940. The All-Japan Marching Contest is an indoor stage marching show for amateur marching bands first held in 1988. The Jindai squad was actually thought to be able to put up a challenge for perennial powerhouse the Kyoto Tachibana Senior High School Band this year.

"The Yellow Devils," Shiori said. The band nickname came from uniform color and their penchant from winning regional contests. "Full of Energy, Smiles and Dreams." That was the band's main motto.

"Hit Like Sunshine," another girl said. That was this year's secondary motto. Just as she said that, the frosted door window lit up remarkably bright. "What-"

"Don't forget those wonderful red sashes," Rumiko said. "Those look so sharp against the yellow.

"Red-" Sousuke blinked rapidly.

"They're like something out of the movies," a boy said. They're real bad-asses. Three band showdowns in the past month. They were the only ones left standing.

"It helps that Sanja's family is supporting them with great deals on the instruments they make," another girl said. "Nobody else has that kind of firepower. Those instruments are in world demand."

"Uhhh. That kind of firepower-" Sousuke had a bad feeling, as he should.

"The music the band plays is almost entirely Western, starting from gospel and big band era classics-" Tomomi said, clapping her hands. She loved the band. "Often ending with evergreen pop songs and recent chart hits with heavy dose of Disney tunes interspersed. The music is chosen bearing in mind the expected preferences of the audience and how easy it is to adapt to the band dancing style. The regular parade program is about fifteen minutes long, and if needed it can be rolled over longer

"They've adopted parts of the Kyoto Tachibana Band's trademark style, much the way that the Izumo Business High School Wind Orchestra and Ōnishi Gakuen Junior and Senior High School Brass Band have, but adding their own special flare."

The instruments were beautiful to hear. Everyone wished that they could open the door and see out. But, only a few of the students would get a glimpse if that was done. And, policy held that doors should remain shut.

"Their trademark song of the band which is practically always performed is "Sing Sing Sing" made famous by Benny Goodman in 1937." Tomomi continued. "But there are others that are frequently performed. Yes. That is one of them." She recognized the new rhythm, and startled everyone by bursting out in song. It was 'Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee' from the movie 'Pinocchio':

Hi-diddle-dee-dee
An actor's life for me
A high silk hat and a silver cane
A watch of gold with a diamond chain

Hi-diddle-dee
An actor's life for me
It's great to be a celebrity
An actor's life for me

Hi-diddle-dee-dum
An actor's life is fun

Hi-diddle-dee-dee
An actor's life for me
Hi-diddle-dee-dee
An actor's life for me

A wax mustache and a beaver coat
A pony cart and a billy goat.

She stopped singing, because the band began missing notes, and sudden shouting could be heard from the eastern end of the hallway, from whence the band was approaching. There were also loud vocalizations coming from the west.

"What the hell is that thing, a science project?" "It's not slowing down." "Move out of the way" "Hurry" "Run for your life." "There's no time. Leave the tuba players behind." "Move, damn it!" "We don't have to be faster than that thing, just faster than the fat kids!"

There were more sour notes, and many missing notes. But, staunch members of the band kept playing in retreat. They had switched over to the 'Jaws' theme.

"HALT! YOU HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED AS TARGETS! I HAVE BEEN AUTHORISED TO USE FORCE. PLEASE REMAIN STILL WHILE YOU ARE BEING PROCESSED. THE AUTHORITIES WILL BE NOTIFIED."

"Red sashes," Sousuke repeated.

"That reminds me of Box," Kyouko said. "From Logan's Run." She was referring to the insane cyborg who had been tasked with gathering food for the city, but who had been freezing Runners who passed into its domain. She imitated the shiny part-machine: "Welcome humans. I am ready for you. Fish, plankton, sea greens, protein from the sea. Fresh as harvest day. Overwhelming am I not?"

"Or that that thing from the good RoboCop movie," Ono-D remarked. "Please put down your weapon. You have twenty seconds to comply." He was doing an imitation of the Enforcement Droid, Series 209, or ED-209, a fully-automated peacekeeping machines created by Omni Consumer Products for military purposes and use in urban pacification.

"It is a problem," Sousuke whispered. He considered running back to the club room to hit the shut down button; but, the robotic creation was out of range of the signal. It would return to base on its own if it ran lower on power… it had enough for a good while… or if it ran into serious damage or a glitch… that was possible, it was a prototype and untested… or also if it ran out of the capture bands.

The frosted door panel lit up again. The door shook, and students grimaced, feeling pressure in their ears but not making out a sound, other than that of large instruments hitting the ground. That, followed now by shrieks, screams, and loud whimpering pleas for help.

"No… No… Noooo-ooo-oo-o… Noooooooo-ooooooo-oooooo-ooooo-oooo-ooo-oo-o….."

"Mommy! Pa-Paaaaa-aaaa-aaa-aa-a… No… please don't…."

Bwlll Bwlll Bwlll Bwlll. The door shuddered again and again. Zappp Zappp Zappp. Shrieks had turned into barely audible groans and hiccups. Srrrappp Srrrappp Srrrappp Srrrappp. Some noises had the Home Ec student's minds conjuring up varios imaginary happenstances.

"HALT! YOU HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED AS TARGETS! I HAVE BEEN AUTHORISED TO USE FORCE. PLEASE REMAIN STILL WHILE YOU ARE BEING PROCESSED. THE AUTHORITIES WILL BE NOTIFIED."

Whoooo-oooo-oooo-oooo-oooo-oooo-oooo-oooosh. That was followed by something that sounded like an electric blower used for yard work.

"Cough" "Cough cough cough," "Coughcoughcoughcoughcoughcoughcough!"

"Hurry!" One boy ran to the door, intent on opening it. "It sounds like people need help."

"STOP!" Mr. Moroimoto shouted. He pointed at the space under the door. A small amount of a thick gas had seeped underneath. "HAND OFF OF THE KNOB!"

"This way… hurry!" "What happened to them? Are they breathing?" My lord, that tuba is flatter than a pancake!" "They're breathing." "It's okay… we're here to help." "Damn. What the hell are these. We're going to need chain-cutters to get these off. Or, some kind of grease or Vaseline to help slide them off." Those voices were adult.

"It sounds like things are under control," the teacher said, dabbing at his forehead with a towlette. That had been brief, but very intense. "I will continue with today's instruction. There will be time for… current events… later." That euphemism didn't look to relieve student anxieties. "Take note. You will be graded on this tuition." That had eveyone snapping back to attention, the incident stored safely in the back of their minds. "This is the safety you need to be truly concerned about." He pointed at the food trays and the whole prepared chickens sitting on them. There was also a large chicken, unplucked, fully intact. "Salmonella is no joke! Do you hear me?"

"Yes teacher!" The class called out. Most of them knew that Salmonella can contaminate poultry and eggs, and could also sneak its way into many other foods. They knew that Salmonella is a bacteria that commonly causes foodborne illness, sometimes called 'food poisoning.' The CDC in Atlanta, Georgia estimates that Salmonella causes many millions of foodborne illnesses every year across the world. During the past few years, outbreaks of Salmonella illness have been linked to contaminated cucumbers, chicken, eggs, pistachios, raw tuna, sprouts, and many other foods. Some people may have severe diarrhea and need to be hospitalized. Anyone can get a Salmonella infection, but some groups are more likely to develop a serious illness: older adults, children younger than five, and people with immune systems weakened from medical conditions, such as diabetes, liver or kidney disease, and cancer or their treatment

"Four words will keep you and your dinner guests safe," Mr. Morimoto claimed. "Four simple words, I hope you will never forget: Clean, Separate, Cook and Chill. Those words can serve as reminders to always handle and cook food safely to reduce the risk of illness to you and your family and friends. First, 'clean'. Wash hands, kitchen work surfaces, cutting boards and utensils thoroughly with soap and hot water immediately after they have been in contact with raw meat or poultry, including frozen and fresh products. Hands should be washed before handling food and between handling different food items. Wash cutting boards between preparing different cuts of raw meat or poultry. Got that?"

"Yes teacher!" The students were oblivious to the sounds of more people running in the hallway. They had no idea that the school nurse was directing strong male teachers with stretchers.

"'Separate'," the teacher said. "Avoid cross-contaminating other foods. Separate raw meat, poultry, seafood and eggs from other foods in your grocery shopping cart, grocery bags, your kitchen and in your refrigerator. Use one cutting board for fresh produce and a separate one for raw meat, poultry and seafood. Do not rinse raw poultry in your sink… that will not remove bacteria. In fact, it can spread raw juices around your sink, onto your countertops or onto ready-to-eat foods. Bacteria in raw meat and poultry can only be killed when cooked to a safe internal temperature. Don't forget that!"

"Yes teacher!" Many of the students were left questioning their parent's cooking habits. Todays lesson would provide important facts to bring home. When asked what the next word was, the most attentive students called out 'Cook.'

"Right!" Mr. Morimoto said. "Cook poultry thoroughly. Poultry products, including ground poultry, should always be cooked to at least 165 degrees Fahrenheit internal temperature as measured with a food thermometer; leftovers should be refrigerated no more than two hours after cooking. The color of cooked poultry is not a sure sign of its safety. Only by using a food thermometer can one accurately determine that poultry has reached te safe minimum internal temperature throughout the product. Be particularly careful with foods prepared for infants, older adults and persons with impaired immune systems. And, take this advice with you wherever you go. If served undercooked poultry in a restaurant, send it back to the kitchen for further cooking. Will you do that?"

"Yes teacher!" Some of the students imagined what bootcamp must be like. But, this was important too. Learning to cook properly can save lives.

"That leaves 'chill'," the teacher remarked. "And that should apply to your demeanor while cooking, too!" He smiled at his clever words. "Make poultry products the last items you select at the store. Once home, the products must be refrigerated or frozen promptly. After cooking, refrigerate any uneaten poultry within two hours. Leftovers will remain safe to eat for two to three days. Refrigerators should be set to maintain a temperature of 40 degrees Fahrenheit or below. Thaw frozen poultry in the refrigerator… not on the countertop… or in cold water. When barbecuing poultry outdoors, keep refrigerated until ready to cook. Do not place cooked poultry on the same plate used to transport raw chicken to the grill. Always marinate poultry in the refrigerator, up to two days. Marinade in which raw poultry has been soaking should never be used on cooked poultry, unless it is boiled first. Repeat that!"

"Teacher, never use chicken marinade to cook with," the girls said.

"Teacher, unless it's boiled first," the boys said in unison.

"Great!" Mr. Morimoto said. "Teacher is proud!"

Sousuke found that he was standing at attention. The teacher was a professional. He was a top level specialist.

"Gentlemen!" The teacher held his arms behind his back. "If there's one knife skill that can save you money and make you look cool, it's breaking down a chicken." He clicked his heels together. "Ladies! For about the same price as a pack of two breasts, you can buy a whole chicken, which comes with those same breasts, two legs, and a back. And if you're really lucky, you'll get a free liver, heart, and gizzard thrown in to sweeten the deal! Of course, if you don't know how to break the chicken down, all of this is not too useful. That's why I will show you how to butcher a chicken into four or eight pieces. Follow the instructions, and you'll be breaking down birds like the pros."

"Sir! Yes, sir!" Sousuke felt his face grow warm. Everyone was staring at him. The longest and most hateful stare belonged to Satomi.

"I have two tips for you!" Mr. Morimoto said. "Buy air-chilled chickens. Air-chilled chickens are chilled with cold air after slaughter rather than being dumped into an ice bath, which is what mass-market brands do. This means they come to the market with less retained water. Not only does this give you a better value, but it also creates more concentrated flavor. Also, avoid kosher birds. Kosher birds have been heavily salted before packaging in order to remove excess liquid. While in some cases, this is desirable… such as when you are roasting it…in other cases, the excess salt can ruin a recipe. A braised chicken where the braising liquid is subsequently reduced can get far too salty from the excess salt within the chicken. It also limits your stock-making ability, since a salty stock cannot be reduced. You're better off buying a regular bird and salting or brining it yourself if the recipe calls for it. And, I will add that I personally prefer to pay extra for premium brands of free range or specialty heirloom breeds because of the improved flavor they offer. There's not much worse than bad chicken. Maybe bad margaritas, but that's about it." The teacher was no tea-totaller after school.

Some of the boys gave the teacher a thumbs up; but, they were ignored. Mr. Morimoto said "To break down a chicken, you'll need a chicken, a sharp knife… a chef's knife, Western-style boning knife, or a Japanese-style honesuki poultry boning knife will all work… and either a set of poultry shears or a cleaver. Extra coolness points if you've got a cleaver!" He smiled, gold teeth flashing again. "Other than spatchcocking… which isn't really a butchering project… but rather splitting, then flattening a chicken… what I am going to show you is the simplest way to process a bird. Using this method, you will end up with four pieces of chicken for eating as is…. two bone-in breast quarters with wings attached and two bone-in leg quarters… and three pieces of chicken for making stock: two wing tips and the back. After I teach you that method, I will show you how to further break things down into eight pieces." He methodically went through all of the steps, and then assigned individual whole chickens to groups of students.

"Alright!" The teacher spoke in a deep voice. "Show teacher what you remember. Safely!"

"May I?" Sousuke asked his group members if he could have first crack. They all agreed, not knowing that they would have nothing left to practice on. "Then, I shall commence." He spun the chef's knife around one finger, then around his whole hand. He tossed the knife up and caught it by the point on the back of his hand, without drawing even a single drop of blood. He then launched into work at a speed that was hard to follow. "Start by trimming the wing tips. Working with one wing at a time, cut the joint right at the wing tip; set aside the tips for making stock." Everyone stopped their own preparation, drawn to the spectacle. "Next, remove the wishbone, which is located at the neck opening… this is the same for other birds, like turkey or quail. Using the tip of your knife, make a cut along each arm of the wishbone to detach it from the breast meat. Work your fingers behind the wishbone, separating it from any flesh that's still attached. Slide your fingers up toward the apex of the wishbone until you can hook your finger behind the part where the two arms join. Pull it out, and free the wishbone fully from the flesh; set it aside for stock."

"My God," one boy said, entranced.

"She's like a machine," a girl added.

"Grab the chicken by the drumstick, and pull the leg outward from the body until the skin is stretched taught." Sousuke was critical of his own skills. Why was he so slow today? Oh. Right. This was Kaname's body, not his own. "Start the operation by cutting through the skin between the leg and the body. Don't cut too deep…just through the skin. Grab the leg in one hand and twist it downward, away from the body, until the ball joint pops out of the socket. This shouldn't require much force." He had picked up speed in his movements and his speech. He was flawless with both.

"How can she do that!" Mr. Morimoto said to no one in particular, his jaw falling slack.

"Maybe she's a cyborg," one boy said. It was hard to tell that he was joking.

"No!" Ono-D said with a big grin. "A fembot!" He like Austin Powers movies. "You know… with gun barrels coming out of her juglies." That earned him a kick in the shin from Mari.

"Maybe an operative!" That was Shinji "You know. A secret agent or a ninja!" The wholeclass shouted him down. What did he think, Kaname Chidori was, some kind of mercenary soldier?

"I think it's probably because she lived in America," Mizuki said. "There's a lot of wackos living there, right?"

"And moving here from there," Satomi said, turning her nose up. "Probably kicked out by their fathers, who keep their other daughters with them."

"Hey!" One boy waved his arm above his head. "I know what it is!" He chuckled before sharing his joke. "I bet it's bridal training. So she can marry Sagara!"

Sousuke only floundered for a millisecond. No one could tell. The thought of marriage… and marriage to Kaname… caught him off guard. Strangely enough, his mind wanted to follow that thought further. But, he was locked in. No deviation from mission was acceptable.

"The Master of Disaster and the Queen of the Canteen!" Rumiko quipped.

"No chicken in the world stands a chance!" One boy said, when Sousuke was finally done. "Even live ones!"

"Like anyone has something to worry about chickens!" Ono-D said.

"Well…." The boy wasn't going to be made to feel the fool. "An ostrich. Even a cassowary!"

"Hah!" Satomi said, finding a way to make Kaname Chidori seem human. "What if you didn't have a knife?!"

"It is not a problem!" Sousuke walked over to the intact chicken, picked it up, and wrapped his hands around its neck. "I would strangle it or break its neck." He made strong forceful motions, demonstrating his words. "I would jump on back of the ostrich first. The cassowary is a bigger problem, though a smaller bird. Along with ostriches, they are the birds known to kill humans. As long as I can avoid being cut open by the claws, I would hold it away from my face and do what I can."

"Wow!" One boy looked like he had stars in his eyes. "How about a velociraptor?" He remembered the scene where a boy made the mistake of saying 'That doesn't look very scary. More like a six-foot turkey,' prompting Dr. Grant to say: 'A turkey, huh? OK, try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this 'six foot turkey' as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side… from the other two raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here, or here...or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is, you are alive when they start to eat you. So… you know… try to show a little respect.'

"Moron!" One girl said, stamping her foot. "Let's keep things re-a-listic." That had a lot of students looking at one another.

"Miss Chidori," Mr. Morimoto said. "Since your chicken is prepared… while the others are breaking down their birds… do you have a recipe you and your group can use to cook the meat? If not," he motioned towards a plastic box that held laminated recipe sheets. "You may choose something from in there."

"I have two, actually." Sousuke replied. "In Ukraine, a lot of families cook and serve ducks during New Year and Christmas holidays with great pleasure. We can modernize the classic recipe for a duck by adding apples and new ingredients... and we can switch out the duck for chicken." He spoke as Ruslan had spoken on the helicopter. "A hint of sweetness goes well with poultry meat, and the apple stuffing and soy-honey glaze we will use today perfectly accentuate the rich taste of a duck and help its skin to caramelize and crisp up. The meat remains moist and tender inside, glorious brown outside, and very flavorful all over. Combine ginger powder and cinnamon in a bowl. Then add salt, honey, and soy sauce. Squeeze the juice from a lemon. At the end stir in olive oil …it will help to dissolve spices. The combination of these ingredients enables the meat to fully marinate and become succulent and flavorful. Wash the duck under running water and remove any missed feathers. Then remove giblets from duck cavity and…." He continued through that recipe, and then switched over to the one given to him by Commander Kalinin. "Next is Chicken Plov. Plov is originally an Uzbek dish, but every Ukrainian makes and loves plov and this is more the Ukrainian version. Traditional plov is made with lamb pork or beef. This is a speedy version that uses chicken." He finished that up quick, fast, and in a hurry."

"Holy shit!" One boy said.

"She's so amazing," a girl said, breathless. "Is there nothing she can't do?"

"It seems she can't jump off of a bridge," Satomi said. "And do all of us a favor!"

"Well, those recipes seem delightful," the teacher said. "We have all of those ingredients in the refrigerator, the freezer, or the pantry. You and your group may get started. Make enough food to feed the entire class, please. I'm certain it will be a memorable experience for all." He gave Satomi a look, but she glared back defiant.

After everyone had broken down their chickens, and Sousuke's group was well into their preparation and cooking, Mr. Morimoto had the students put their cut up chicken into the refrigerator, and moved onto the next topic. Rolls.

"Teacher!" Sousuke came sliding to a stop. "Rolls are my favorite! The other students are following the recipe. May I receive teaching, too."

"Rolls are my favorite," Satomi mouthed. The veins at her forehead were bulging.

"Of course," the teacher replied. Such enthusiasm should never be deflected or deflated. "It would be an honor." He cleared his throat. "What-"

A large packet of flour came down on a high sweeping arc, followed by two more. They exploded against a pillar, a table edge, and the floor, raising huge white clouds and covering a number of students to various degrees. One boy looked like he was an albino. Two girls were covered head to toe, looking as if they wore white school uniforms, or military gear for snow troops. Having sensed the danger and moving clear with a dancer's grace, Sousuke brushed a few grains of flow off of his otherwise resplendent skirt.

"Who did that!" The teacher was furious. But, glancing at the clock, he knew he had to stay the course and keep to task. "The women that went before us all baked the most amazing bread at home in primitive ovens. They didn't have temperature-controlled ovens. They didn't have standardized yeast. Yet their bread was a staple part of the daily diet. While it's true that some of these ladies never got the hang of light loaves with crispy crusts, others became locally famous for their baking. If you had the privilege of helping your grandma or a neighbor in the kitchen on baking day, you probably caught some of these bread baking tips."

When asked, no one in the room could say that they had any such experiences.

"A shame," Mr. Morimoto sighed. "Here is the next best thing. I offer my own bread baking tips, won by both observing the grandmothers and by not-a-few failed loaves in my own initial attempts." He paused a moment. 'Kaname' was frantically looking for a pad and a pen. Sousuke considered writing in blood, if need be. "Start with fresh, organic ingredients. Use high protein wheat or add gluten. Rise it at 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Proof your yeast. Consider optional dough conditioners. Half the yeast and double the rising time. Use less flour than you think you need. Knead with wet hands. Don't forget the salt. Use a baking stone. Slash the tops of the loaves. Create steam in your oven during baking. Create the crust texture that you want. Use a long preheat. Don't rush bread baking. Bread baking is an art that you learn by experience. Bake lots of bread and learn the feel of the dough and the behavior of the yeast. If you have a failure, know that we all do. Failures can be made into crumbs to add to meatloaf or hamburgers, or to make croutons or bread pudding. Homemade bread is worth the effort to learn to do well. It is healthier and tastes better than store bought."

Sousuke was trembling. It was as if he had listened to the Sermon on the Mount, or had been taught war tactics by Sun Tzu himself. It was better than getting two A.S. kills with one shot!

"That's actually interesting," a girl said. "It's amazing how much we can learn when we're not distracted or injured by Sagara and his antics!"

"Right!" Ono-D laughed. "If he was here, he'd probably find some way to describe bread as a weapon. Like that could ever happen. I will smash your head with this stiff loaf of bread!" He laughed.

"He'd probably hide a rock inside," another girl claimed. "Or a bomb!"

"I wonder if bread was ever used as a weapon," Shinji said with a sigh. He could imagine hard and stale loaves of bread shot from a cannon or a mortar. Or poisoned, and then fed to enemy troops.

"It was," Sousuke tossed off blithely, catching his mistake quickly. "Or so that… melancholy military maniac… told me once. I don't know why I even remember it." He should stop there. But, he couldn't help himself. The thought of fresh white rolls had pushed him too far. There was no coming back. "Let me see. Sousuke liked the movie 'El Cid'. In the novelization, the hero lays siege to Valencia… held by Al Kadir… somewhere between 1093 and 1094A.D. To quote the work, Al Kadir awoke slowly as was his habit. The pangs of hunger already ate away at his swollen belly. He heard a confused noise outside the palace; probably the damned machinery of the infidel was hurling stones already, for he could hear between the babbling cries of the people the short thunks of missiles striking tiles and earth. He could see only people moving at staggering runs through the dark streets below. One of them waved something. It looked like a big loaf of bread, but could not be. 'What is it? What is it' he shouted, rushing across the broad wall to them. 'The infidels are bombarding the city,' said one, saluting without straightening up. 'With food'. Food shortages began to be felt in the city. No relief force appeared. About the end of May, Ibn Jahhaf opened negotiations. Terms of surrender were agreed. Rodrigo Díaz had made himself the master of Valencia with a bombardment of bread."

Thank you so very much, Miss Know-it-all!" Satomi bit off ascerbically. "But this is baking class. We don't need to have anything to do with weapons here." That statement was beyond ironic, as the class would soon learn.

"I can't keep running like this!" A tall boy carrying a trombone ran past, outside of the Home Ec room windows.

"You'd better," a girl said, her piccolo held firmly in her grasp. "Or you will end up like them." No one in the class had any idea who or what 'them' had to with.

"Fuck thissss-sss-ss-s!" A boy tossed aside his large uniform hat and threw his saxophone to the ground.

"Wait for meeee-eee-ee-e!" A girl did the same, discarding a marching drum and her sticks. "Shit!" The drum strap caught one ankle and she fell.

"Look out!" Before one could count to five, three other band members tripped over the prone girl, or knocked each other over trying to avoid her. "Ooph ooph ooph." People landed on the girl or stepped on her while they ran past. The reason for the rush became quite clear.

"HALT! YOU HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED AS TARGETS! I HAVE BEEN AUTHORISED TO USE FORCE. PLEASE REMAIN STILL WHILE YOU ARE BEING PROCESSED. THE AUTHORITIES WILL BE NOTIFIED."

The source of that repeated warning rolled into view. It was Sousuke's robotic sentinel, of course. As the shocked and stunned class watched, the machine went about its business, firing its weapons and wrapping its targets with the elastic rubber capture bands.

"Throw off your sashes!" Sousuke called out. He had run to a window and opened it up.

"Here!" Ono-D had opened a window completely. "Hurry! I will pull you inside." Naturally he was being noble. The fact that he had the hots for the girl nearest the window had nothing to do with anything.

"You can do it! Run!" The boy with the wine stain on his shirt called out, extending his arms outside. "Grab ahold!"

"SCANNING! IDENTYFYING! RED SASH DETECTED!" The robot's optical sensors were rudimentary at this stage of development. They misread the stain as a red sash. And, the boy's actions clearly made the boy seem like an accomplice to its targeted foes. "INTERLOPER. CONSPIRARATOR. ACCESSORY. FACILITATOR. HALT!" It turned quickly on its axis and charged the classroom.

"Wow! It's like a freaking Dalek," a boy shouted. He was a huge Dr. Who fan, and loved 'Dr. Who and the Daleks' in particular. He picked up a plunger he saw near a sink, and held it extended from one hand. "Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!" Peter Cushing would not have been impressed.

"No!" Another boy differed. "It's like a Cylon!" He placed a shiny silver-colored bowl over his head. He obviously meant the 1978 Cylons, the ones created by a reptilian race of the same name. "By your command!"

"Danger Will Robinson," a third boy said, his allegiance to 'Lost In Space' the television series obvious to any who actually knew what that show was. "Danger!" He waved his arms up and down the way that The Robot was wont to do.

"Wrong again!" A fourth boy said, caught up in the spectacle. He picked up a hand-powered mixed and held it in one hand, the shiny metal object looking like a robotic arm device. "We are the Borg. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile." Another 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' aficionado.

"Boys! They are such idiots!" One girl moved away from the windows, not towards them like the boys.

"Tell me something I didn't know!" Another girl said, crouching down behind a thick room pillar.

"Whoah!" People turned away or shielded their eyes when the robot fired off its Dazzler again and again.

"Oh no!" The strobe effect had one boy feeling very nauseous. "Got to hold it down!" He had thrown up all over himself in English class. He barfed again.

"My ears!" Another boy held his hands over his ears, grimacing in pain. His eyes went wide, as he felt the full effects of the sonic weapon. "My bladder. Please! Not again!" He couldn't help himself. He felt the warm flow of urine down his legs.

"I'm sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself," one boy said, quoting Hansel in Zoolander. He finally had a chance to show that he saw the movie, too. But, maybe that wasn't the best time.

"Give it a rest, jerk!" One girl snapped. "That was so… so… P.E. class. We're done with that!"

"Don't touch that!" Sousuke's shout saved one inquisitive boy, who had reached down to touch one of the taser bullets that had managed to make its way into the classroom. "Close the windows! Now! You can't save anyone." He heard the robot's powerful fan switch on. He knew what would follow.

"Gas!" The boy with the wine-stained shirt called out, trying to close his window. One arm of the robot was now stuck in it, as it reached for his shirt and prepared to make an application attempt with a capture band. Things looked grim for him. The band couldn't work from that angle; but, the gas would fully envelope him in a few seconds.

"You may have pulled the Earth's mightiest heroes apart like cotton candy, Ultron-" Someone shouted. "-But you won't do that to me!" It was the Vice Pricipal. "Have at you!" He swept the butterfly up and over the robot's head, causing the machine to retreat away from the school and take defensive measures. It spun rapidly, using momentum and one arm to toss aside the net.

"Boldly they rode and well-" a woman's voice called out. "-Into the jaws of Death." It was the Librarian. She was quoting 'The Charge of the Light Brigade.' The Charge of the Light Brigade was a failed military action involving the British light cavalry led by Lord Cardigan against Russian forces during the Battle of Balaclava on 25 October 1854 in the Crimean War. British commander Lord Raglan had intended to send the Light Brigade to prevent the Russians from removing captured guns from overrun Turkish positions, a task for which the light cavalry were well-suited. However, there was miscommunication in the chain of command, and the Light Brigade was instead sent on a frontal assault against a different artillery battery, one well-prepared with excellent fields of defensive fire. The Light Brigade reached the battery under withering direct fire and scattered some of the gunners, but they were forced to retreat immediately, and the assault ended with very high British casualties and no decisive gains. The events were the subject of Alfred, Lord Tennyson's narrative poem 'The Charge of the Light Brigade', published just six weeks after the event.

The Librarian charged at the robot, sasumata held like a cavalry lance, hoping to impale the furious foe, or at least be able to knock it over. She was far too light in weight, and it was far too heavy. She managed to leave a scratch, but that was all.

"DEFENSE PROTOCOL ALPHA. INITIATE. FULL POWER!" The robot began firing all operational weapons at the same time, venting gas through its lower body to form a smoke screen.

"Now! While we have a chance!" There were heroes amongst the stricken band. Brave, but none too clever. "Push it over. Look for an 'off' switch." 'The Charge of the Jindai Marching Band' had no more success than 'The Charge of the Light Brigade.' Boys were temporarily blinded. Girls lost control of their bodily functions before being stunned into immobility. Gas stung eyes and prompted uncontrollable fits of coughing. Mechanical arms wrapped high tensile strength rubber around victims, like some king of mechanical spider wrapping up human flies.

A periscope extended above the thick gas cloud; the robot sighted more targets gaining distance. The electric motors fired up immediately, and its tracks kicked up huge clods of sod and dirt as they spun into action.

"HALT! YOU HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED AS TARGETS! I HAVE BEEN AUTHORISED TO USE FORCE. PLEASE REMAIN STILL WHILE YOU ARE BEING PROCESSED. THE AUTHORITIES WILL BE NOTIFIED."

The whole class sighed with relief when the robot passed from view. None felt more relieved than the boy with the wine-stained shirt.

"You don't see that every day,": Mr. Moroimoto said, still in somewhat of a daze. He slapped himself hard, and then moved to aid his students. He sent some to clean up, and some to the nurse's office. Then, with predicable pluck, he resumed class. The students followed suit without complaint. They were becoming veterans to situations like this.

Flash flash flash flash flash flash flash.

Kyouko was very upset. Thinking of her own safety, she had jumped into a pile of fabrics and accessories. She had missed getting photographs of that entire once-in-a-lifetime scene! Now, she was taking pictures of the aftermath. She zoomed in on the VP and the Librarian, both laying in a crumpled heap, their bodies in compromising poses.

"Kyouko!" Maya called out. "Your head!" She pointed.

"Huh?" Kyouko reached up with a hand. Pulling herself out of the pile of materials, she had managed to get a fabricated wig stuck atop her head. It was made out of long blue yarn.

"You look like Chidori," Satomi said sourly. "Stupid. A big show off and center of attention. Pathetic." Yes, she was still very sore. Literally and figuratively. Being used as a toliet brush holder only added to the long list of slights that she perceived.

"Did someone say something?" Shiori said, having had her fill of the angry girl. That one certainly seemed to have a screw loose.

"I don't think so," Maya replied, looking right through Satomi. No, the other girl had a whole hardware store's worth of screws loose.

Satomi growled. The idiom 'the straw that broke the camel's back', alluding to the proverb 'it is the last straw that breaks the camel's back', describes the seemingly minor or routine action that causes an unpredictably large and sudden reaction, because of the cumulative effect of small actions. The same sentiment is also expressed by the phrase 'the last drop makes the cup run over.' The girl picked up a plastic pie server, holding it like a dagger.

After Mr. Morimoto described the recipe for white rolls, he set the students in action. They made the needed dough, spayed the necessary sheet trays, and formed their bready creations. They were placed into large ovens with glass on their doors. Sousuke stood watching, totally transfixed as his favorite food began raising and turning brown. It looked like his attention was totally focused on that endeavor.

"Kill Kaname!" Satomi moved the pie server up and down, as if she were Anthony Perkins character in Alfred Hitchcock's 'Psycho' and 'Kaname' was filling in for Janet Leigh. She didn't intend to kill her of course; but, this ought to shock the hell out of the other girl, put her off of her game, and knock her off of her throne. "Chop Chidori!" She chuckled. "Bluefin tuna? No! Blue-haired bitch!"

"You lack silent feet," Sousuke said sharply, moving in a manner most high school students wouldn't dream of. "You have insufficient discipline." He grabbed the utensil out of the stalker girl's hand with a contemptuous flick of his wrist. "You do not possess the proper knife skills." 'She' really did grin like an oni out of some legend. "Let me show you." Grabbing a wrist, he squeezed hard, and pulled the shocked girl from behind 'him.' He began dragging her to the back of the room.

"-" Satomi wanted to cry out 'Help! Murder!' but couldn't get her voice to work. She saw other students following the two of them, and hoped that they would come to her rescue.

"Someone else take out the buns!" The way Sousuke said that sent chills down backs. No one wanted to hazard a guess what tragedy might happen if the bready bounty ended up over-baked. He stopped in front of one of the manakins. "Knife!" It was as much of a demand as a command. He closed his palm around the handle of a chef's knife that Shinji placed in his hand. "Now! It is my turn to teach useful knife skills."

"Teacher, shouldn't you-" One girl's concerned was brushed away like an errant gnat or bee. Mr. Morimoto loved everything to do with knives. If there was a chance he might learn something useful, he would take it. He trusted the Chidori girl to behave appropriately, and not do something rash or irreversible.

"Knife fighting is not about fighting; it's about surviving and defending yourself against attack," Sousuke instructed. "If you want to learn to defend yourself with a knife, you need intelligence, balance, and precision. As we speak, you have none of those."

"Oh snap!" One boy said.

"You should learn how to carry knives safely and legally, as well as how to defend yourself properly against potential attacks." Sousuke assumed his drill-instructor voice. "Learn the laws regarding carrying knives in your area. Choose an appropriate knife for self-defense. Generally, knife fighting and knife defense is performed with fixed blade knives, typically with blades five to seven inches long; but, it's important to size your defense knife to your hand and your fighting style. The techniques, however, will apply to almost any variety of knife, whether it be a fixed blade tactical knife, a foldable hunting knife, or other styles of knife." He explained how to size an appropriate weapon, and how to keep the knife clean and well-maintained. "Learn to hone and sharpen your knives yourself, to keep them in good working order. Folding knives need to be oiled regularly to keep the action as smooth as possible."

"Let me go!" Satomi exclaimed. "Let… me… go…."

"It would be wise to remain motionless," Sousuke suggested. "This knife is very sharp. You have seen what it will do to chicken. Don't be a chicken." That remark had a double meaning. "This is very important. Get trained in self-defense. If you introduce a knife into an altercation and don't know how to defend yourself, it's more likely that you're going to end up the one getting stuck. If you don't know how to defend yourself, you should not carry a knife for defense purposes. Take a general personal self-defense class to learn to control your environment and stay calm in physical altercations. Knife and stick fighting courses are widely available in Tokyo, as they are in other metro areas. Check out what's available and get detailed one-on-one training to learn how to wield a knife properly and safely."

"I will!" One boy had already been sucked into the narrative.

"Generally, you should look on a knife as an everyday tool that can be used for self-defense, should someone provoke an altercation, and not as a weapon that solely for fighting." Sousuke let go of the girl. She was too frightened to move. "You should only draw your knife if your opponent also brandishes a knife. Furthermore, draw your knife only if you intend to use it. To use a weapon for intimidation will likely put the opponent into a fight-or-flight type response, and the momentum can change quickly in their favor. Draw and take action, or choose another course. Intimidation attempts… even while potentially successful… give the opponent the opportunity to react and control the altercation. And, don't forget, in most places, brandishing or drawing your knife in a threatening manner is a crime, punishable by fines and possibly jail time."

"Y-Y-You'll do jail time for this," Satomi whispered.

"Here is a good hint!" Sousuke reached down and picked up a magic marker off of a table next to one of the manakins, which was dressed in a vest made of paper. "Practice with markers. When you're first getting started learning about knife fighting, try a little experiment. Have someone much weaker than you act as a smaller sparring partner. Give them a permanent marker with the cap off. Take off your shirt and tell them to try to mark you as many times as possible while you try to stop them. Then count up the marker lines at the end. Now imagine that marker was a knife." He made marks on the vest in stabbing and slicing motions. "This is also an excellent way of practicing your knife fighting skills in perfect safety. Never attempt to practice knife fighting with a sharpened blade. Use markers or practice knives." In a swift motion, he shredded the vest. "Understood?"

Evereyone in the room with the exception of Satomi nodded his or her head.

"First," Sousuke said sharply. "Evaluate your attacker. If you're going to carry a knife, you have to be sure you don't introduce it into the fight. Knives should only be drawn if you fear for your life in a physical altercation, because your opponent has also drawn a knife, gun, or other weapon in a threatening manner. Always use your knife first to attempt to avoid the altercation, and then to defend yourself if necessary. Don't draw knives on unarmed attackers. Learn to defend yourself without the use of a weapon, and avoid physical fights at all costs. If someone comes up to you in a threatening manner, look at their hands and at their pockets. If you see a weapon, then draw your knife."

"I will!" Shinji wasn't thinking. The likelihood that he would participate willingly in any kind of ruckus was less than zero. The chance that he would remain lucid if he was involuntarily preyed upon was less than that.

"Always… and I mean always…." Sousuke started. "Grip… your… knife… properly…. There are a variety of different grips used for self-defense knife fighting, depending on preference. Practice drawing and holding your knife in the most comfortable and secure ways of possible, given your fighting style, strength, and the weight of your blade. The most basic and the easiest way to learn is probably the forward hammer grip." He demonstrated. "Forward grips involve holding the knife by the grip, your fingers wrapped completely around, and the blade facing out from you, pointing straight up at the sky. Variations on this grip mostly depend on where you put your thumb to reinforce; but, the most basic is the hammer grip, in which you wrap your thumb around the grip, to secure the knife in your hand. Reverse grips are typically held in the exact same way, but with the blade pointing down toward the ground. It is possible to do a reverse grip with the blade edge pointing back at you; but, this is not recommended for beginners."

Other students in the room had picked up knives of various types and were following along. Mr. Morimoto felt proud having such a fine group of dedicated students.

As the frightened girl was unresponsive, Sousuke called out to another. "Kyouko, come here. You will serve as my student. Follow my instructions carefully." He handed her the pie server that he had appropriated earlier. "Okay. Keep your body behind your knife. It's of the utmost importance that you use your knife as a defensive tool, protecting your face, neck, and torso against an attacker, at all costs. Make your body as small as possible, by bringing your shoulders in and ducking your head, extending your knife-holding arm in front of you, flexed at a fourty-five degree angle. Don not extend your knife arm all the way, which will leave it vulnerable to attack. Use your other arm to guard your chest, neck, and stomach as you hide behind your knife. You don't want to offer your unarmed hand as some kind of shield or guard. Put your knife forward… always."

"Yes, Kana-chan!" The pig-tailed girl did as she was instructed. Other girls shadowed her movements.

"Move constantly, Kyouko!" Sousuke commanded. "If and your opponent both draw knives, take a big step backward, but remain facing your opponent at all times, your knife between your body and your opponent. Imagine there was a magnet pointing your knife at your opponent's knife. In general, you can move one of four directions: forward, backward, and circling right or left. You should always be moving in some direction to protect yourself and make it more difficult to be struck. Never stand flat-footed. Never."

"Never!" Kyouko said. Her word was echoed by all of the boys and most of the girls.

"Keep this in mind," Sousuke continued gruffly. "You can… and you should… use your knife as a distraction. Most attackers won't be interested in actually attacking you, especially if you just pulled a knife and you look like you know how to use. Nobody wants to actually get into a knife fight. If someone has pulled a knife on you and you've pulled a knife in return, that should hopefully be the end of it. Ideally, pulling your knife and distracting your opponent should be the end of the fight. Draw your knife and issue a warning, something like: 'This is a buck knife given to me by my tactical knife instructor, who works for Blackwater. I sharpen it every night. Trust me, you don't want to come anywhere closer. Let's just call it a night'. Let me put it like this. Mao… I mean someone once said… the only purpose of pulling a knife was to get someone to look at the knife as a distraction, before you end the fighting by kicking them between the balls."

"Balls!" One girl shouted out, immediately blushing and covering her face afterwards.

"Don't do that," Mr. Morimoto told the girl, carefully taking her butter knife out of her grip. "Remember. Kitchen safety… knife safety… at all times!" He scowled and puffed up, looking larger than normal. He saw glistening food material on the girl's hand. "Did you wash your hands after handling chicken?!" Even Sousuke paused in his narration, frozen by that voice.

"Sorry, teacher!" The girl ran for a sink, flinching when the teacher yelled "No running!"

"I will resume," Sousuke remarked. "Parry by dodging and controlling your opponent's striking arm. Knife-fighting doesn't much resemble sword fighting. You won't bang blades or do much parrying in a knife fight, but it's still important to deflect what could be a devastating blow by sidestepping blows, turning ninety degrees to the outside of your opponent's striking arm, then using your other hand to grip your opponent's elbow and attempt to disarm them." He demonstrated on a willing Kyouko. "It's always preferable to use your knife to strike or block at your opponent's arm, rather than attempting to grab at them. Take heed! If there's no other option, you do need to block with your other arm to protect your vital organs. A cut, even a severe one, on your arm is preferable to a stab wound in your solar plexus."

"Fuck yeh!" That was Shinji. He wasn't aware of how silly he sounded. He was beyond caring.

"There are some that will say never throw your knife," Sousuke said. "They will tell you that the absolute last thing you want to do in a one-on-one knife fight is lose your knife. Defending yourself against an attacker with a knife when you don't have one is extremely difficult, as your marker exercise should suggest. Actually striking someone with a thrown knife is extremely unlikely for most people. Unless you make a perfect throw, you are merely giving your assailant another weapon while depriving yourself of possibly the only one you have." He held a very sharp and slender paring knife in his hand now. "It's a matter of experience. It's frightening to behold how accurately and how powerfully someone can sling a blade. You always want to hold the knife opposite of the heavy end, so the weighted side gets thrown first. So, for example, if you have a heavy handle knife, you would hold the blade…if you have a heavy blade knife, you would hold the handle." He followed his own advice. "Balanced blades can be thrown from either end and are the preferred knives amongst throwing professionals. Place your index, middle and ring fingers on one side of the end you are holding, and your thumb on the other. Hold the knife gently but firmly. There are many schools of thought on how to throw a knife. There are many different techniques, and none of them are right or wrong… they're just different. And one may work better for you than others will."

"EEK!" A girl shouted and pointed to one side of the room. A pair of rats had come running out behind a large shelving unit.

Without overtly looking in the direction of the rodents, 'Kaname' found 'her' throwing line. Sousuke smoothly took a step forward from where 'he' stood… kept the knife horizontal to the target… swung… gently released the knife… and followed through just like with a good golf swing or a baseball pitch.

Zzzz-zz-zp!

"Squeak!"

The knife plunged right through the rummaging rodent, ramming its way through its ribs.

"I… it… but…." Satomi sputtered like a car on its last legs. "Never… I…will… never ever again…." New change of plan. For the rest of her life. She would refrain from taking any form of retribution on Kaname Chidori. For the sake of her own life.

"Timing the release is the hardest part of throwing a knife. Knowing when to let go, and how to let go of the blade, so it spins correctly, flies the right way, and sinks where you want it to is a matter of trial and error." Sousuke said. "Practice is the only way to perfect this skill. I would suggest that the teacher allow us all to practice; however, in cooking as in warfare, one must take the best care of one's knives. Cooking knives are for cooking, not throwing. So, I suggest that you all practice this on your own time." He looked at the surviving rat, and felt as if his mission were incomplete. "And… again… look for better alternatives. Peace… or war…" He held out both hands perpendicular to his body. "He called out: "Thick rubber gloves-" Those were plentiful, as they were heat resistant. "-And soft cheese."

Students ran off to find those items, tussling with one another, like it was an honor to serve the Queen… or, it was a way to less likely end up being a target.

"They say that necessity is the mother of invention," Sousuke said after slipping on both gloves. They were red. He hoped that they wouldn't draw the ire of his robo-creation, if it returned this way. "Actually, survival is the mother of all inventions. Competition is the daughter of all inventions. War is the extreme end of survival and competition. Wartime innovations are focused on the goal of victory at any cost. Invention during wartime is faster because lives depend on it. Any time your life is on the line… consider that a war." He took soft cheddar and completely surrounded a taser billet with it, after picking the projectile off of the kitchen floor. He rolled it along the floor, close enough to the rat to entice it, but not so close as to frighten it away.

"Ooo-oo-ooo…." Shinji correctly surmised the purpose of 'Kaname's' invention.

Twitch twitch twitch twitch twith. The rat's nose wriggled, sniffing the air. Twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch. Its whiskers moved up and down, and back and forth. Then, with a quick biological decision, it rushed for the cheese.

ZAPPP-PP-P-!

The rat suddenly flashed with an actinic flare, white radiance spreading away from its contorted body, its bony structure showing white against a dark gray background. Smoke wafted upward from its nostrils.

"Teacher," Ono-D said to Mr. Morimoto. "Do you think its medium rare or well done?" He assumed a pose, by way of saying look how clever I am.

"You tell me," the teacher said, throwing a meat thermometer to the wiseacre. That was his way of saying even if you live a hundred years, you will be too inexperienced to take me on.

"Sensei!" Ono-D bowed to the teacher.

*ding* An alarm on a baking oven sounded. *doink* *doink* *doink* *doink* That sound repeated time and time again, as students turned well-sprayed baking sheets on their sides, and knocked the finish rolls off of them, into large serving bowls.

"Rolls are done!" A girl called out. Shocked, she took a leap back as a matter of reflex. Sousuke had slid to a stop in front of her, seemingly at the same moment the last word had left her tongue. While white rolls were always the last item left during school lunch period, it seemed like they were suddenly the top of everybody's list at that instant. The resulting free-for-all was more brutal than the rugby match that Sousuke and Kaname had managed.

"Very good," Mr. Morimoto said, breaking open a bun and smelling it, as steam vapors drifted towards the ceiling. "Please… all of you eat… while I continue with the next subject." Normally he would be disgusted by the frantic sounds of feasting and feeding. But, deep inside, he somehow understood what the students were going through, even if they did not themselves.

"Does anyone know the J-pop star Kyary Pamyu?" Mr. Morimoto asked. He gave a salute to the girls in the room that did. "She released a song with lyrics and a promotional video that were as sugary sweet as a chocolate bunny. The song was titled "Easta.' That was a play on 'Easter' and 'a good start' in Japanese. The video had dancing eggs… capybaras… and fried-egg UFOs shooting laser beams."

"Yes," one of the girls said. "It wasn't very successful."

"True," the teacher admitted. "But, it was billed as Japan's first Easter dance song. It was also a tie-in to an Easter sales campaign by retail giant Aeon. Yes… the tune may be entirely forgettable…but it signaled a renewed push to commoditize the Christian festival in Japan. In Western countries, some Christians celebrate Easter with a church visit… a big lunch… and hunting or noshing on Easter eggs, either the decorated hard-boiled ones or the chocolate variety."

"Like the ones crapped out by the Cadbury bunny?" One boy joked. He was totally ignored.

"The eggs supposedly recall the tomb from which Jesus was resurrected," Mr. Morimoto explained. "An empty shell containing new life. The symbolism is lost in Japan, however, where Christians have only accounted for a very small proportion of our population since Jesuit missionary Francis Xavier arrived in 1549."

"But-" One girl said. "Japan is fertile soil for gaikoku festivals." Translated as 'other countries'. "I mean… In the twentieth century… Christmas became a major commercial event in Japan, with Christmas trees, sales promotions and food campaigns held throughout the country."

"Kentucky Fried Chicken Japan ran wildly successful 'Kentucky Christmas' ad campaigns before me and my brothers were born, my mother said," a boy noted. "Last year, continuing campaigns brought in over six billion yen."

"Other Western observances have also drawn massive sales interest in Japan, too." Maya said. "The first Valentine's Day sale in the country was a total dud. But, over time, advertising and the growing popularity of Western lifestyles persuaded more consumers to open their wallets."

"We all know that women traditionally buy chocolates for men on Valentine's Day," Mayuko said. The event became so popular, that a confectioner and department store eventually coaxed men to reciprocate by buying into an entirely made-in-Japan event, now celebrated as White Day…with jewelry joining sweets as the longstanding gift preferences."

"Exactly," Mr. Morimoto said. "And while Christmas and Valentine's Day have become country-wide institutions with our own national flare, Easter in Japan has usually been more of a non-event. Some retailers focused on foodstuffs may run promotions; yet, industries as a whole have traditionally ignored it. There are a few chocolate bunnies on display at department stores in Tokyo, but they're sold by European chocolatiers. When asked about Easter, a staffer at the information desk of a department store in Shibuya recently said that she'd never heard the term."

"But why?" Shiori asked. "Easter… at least, as it's celebrated in North America… seems to have all the right stuff for commercial success: sweets… cute bunnies… Easter egg hunts…and a strong association with springtime and renewal. Right, Kaname?"

"Uhhh." Sousuke had never even thought about Easter, during the times he had been in the U.S.A. American troops celebrate Easter in Afghanistan. But, before them, Russian soldiers and their enemies the mujahedeen did not.

"The word 'Easter' itself has become known in Japan," Mr. Morimoto added. "It's recognized as an event for families with small children and not something that adults… especially those without children… can enjoy. That may be one reason why it has not spread widely. Just because the relevant merchandise is cute, doesn't ensure popularity… especially if it's just targeted at children and young women."

"Also," Kyouko added. "Christmas and Valentine's Day are on specific days. But, the date of Easter changes every year."

"And Spring is when cherry blossom mania sweeps the country," Maya noted. "And most Japanese are keen on partying under the flowers with family, co-workers and friends."

"Isn't it also a problem, Easter Sunday falling at the beginning of the fiscal year, when new hires start their careers and other workers take up new posts, often in other departments or other cities?" Rumiko asked. "Not to mention… for students… the school year also begins in April."

Oddly enough, the events for the different cancer centers were being held months past Easter. Maybe that way, the charitable proceedings… including the telethon… would gather attention without so many challenges. The events at Jindai… as well as events that would be occurring as schools throughout Japan… were being done under the auspices of Chiba Cancer Center, Aichi Cancer Center, Higashi Sapporo Hospital, Tochigi Cancer Center, Kanagawa Cancer Centre, and Shizuoka Cancer Center, with help from The Japanese Foundation For Cancer Research, Japanese Breast Cancer Society, Japan Society of Gynecologic Oncology, Japan Lung Cancer Society, and Japan Society for Neuro-Oncology, with coordination by writers for 'Annals of Cancer Research and Therapy'.

"That… it… is…." The teacher said, nodding his head, light shining off of his teeth again. "That means there's little time left for a foreign celebration of candy and Christ." He waggled a finger. "Still, the Easter Bunny is inexorably hopping its way into the hearts of Japan. The Easter market, while small compared to Valentine's Day, has nearly doubled in size in the past three years. Moving the holiday into March will probably increase the trend. And… our famous band's efforts…." The teacher stopped. He hung his head and said a quick Shinto prayer. "And the telethon… will make people remember Easter in a positive way next year. It certainly won't hurt that some of the biggest promoters of Easter in Japan are the theme parks. The Tokyo Disney Resort has its own characters called Usatama… named, of course, after the Japanese words for rabbit and egg… that are basically eggs with rabbit ears and Mickey Mouse-style hands and feet."

"I have a stuffed one!" That was one of the athletes. He was ruthlessly given nougies and head slaps by his 'cooler' compatriots.

"Universal Studios Japan has a very successful Halloween event that's been held for nearly twenty years," Daidai added. "That has helped popularize Halloween in Japan. So, it makes sense that theme park events and company promotions can popularize the customs of various foreign holidays and make them widespread in this country." She had ben one of the girls who had provided considerable sewing talents in the creation of Halloween costumes for Jindai High. "But… Halloween in Japan has become popular as a cosplay event… and I don't think that Easter will be that kind of event, because it's difficult to come up with costume ideas aside from dressing up as a rabbit." She and Mayuko had worked on the large white rabbit costume.

Sousuke had read all of those same facts in 'Will Japan ever join the great Easter egg hunt?,' an article in Kaname's copy of The Japan Times, one written by Tim Hornyak . The other students had essentially quoted that man's work.

Whatever anyone else might have been thinking to add to the conversation was wiped clean from their minds. Wiped clean by the fear that followed a sound at the room's windows.

Wham wham wham wham. "Please, help me!" Wham wham wham. "Let me in, I beg you! Wham wham. Pleaaaa-aaa-aa-a-ssss-sss-ss-se…."

Everyone in that room turned to look outside. A bloodied girl stood there, her fancy clothing and spiffy hair-do messed up from a confrontation with crazed police wowen and an equally bonkers custodian and his trusty chainsaw. She had seen things no one should see… and suffered things that no one should suffer. A frilly white sash she wore to school that day was now stained red with blood.

It was Shoko Goto

"Get off!" The yanki kicked hard and sent a hump-happy Pekinese flying skyward. That was not the threat that had her looking frightened. "You too!" In a frantic effort, she threw a horny Chihuahua and a Japanese Spitz at something approaching her, before banging on the windows again.

"HALT! YOU HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED AS TARGETS! I HAVE BEEN AUTHORISED TO USE FORCE. PLEASE REMAIN STILL WHILE YOU ARE BEING PROCESSED. THE AUTHORITIES WILL BE NOTIFIED."

Everybody knew that noise. And nobody felt any desire to aid the delinquent damsel in distress, especially seeing what happened the last time they drew the robot's attention.

"PROCESSING COMPLETE," the hybrid Engineering project claimed, after it had subdued Shoko and had encircled her with a capture band. "CHECKING. RE-CHECKING. CONFIRMING. IMMOBILIZATION DEVICE EMPTY. RETURNING TO BASE. PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE WILL BE DOWNLOADED INTO COMPUTERS."

With that, the robot sped off, humming a happy tune to itself.

"I certainly hope that the pooches are okay," Mr. Morimoto said. He then launched back into business. "Despite their place in nearly every American kitchen and weekend brunch, people there have found that cooking hard boiled eggs can be a tedious, temperamental process. Undercooking hard boiled eggs leads to a runny, sloppy mess and overcooking can mean a strong odor, discoloration, and sour taste. Because hard boiled eggs are a key ingredient in so many delicious recipes, from deviled eggs to egg salad sandwiches, it's important to cook them exactly right. I have personally researched and test every method to find the best way to boil hard boiled eggs. My favorite version resulted in tender whites with no hint of a rubbery texture and evenly cooked yolks. But… while we will not be eating the fruits of our labors… I deem it important that you be properly trained, just the same. After all, this is Home Economics, not just an advertising arm of the Japanese Association of Medical Sciences and its Cancer Society. With no further adieu…there are dozens of methods for cooking hard boiled eggs that are based on old wives' tales, fancy equipment, and complicated timing. I boiled down these methods…" Seeing no smiles for his pun, he went on to explain the methods.

After giving precise instructions, the teacher set the class to work, filling huge metal pots with water… bringing them to a steady boil… and preparing the eggs. He told them that they would decorate the eggs in the next Home Ec class.

As the eggs boiled, Mr. Morimoto instructed the students in another interesting type of boiled egg. "This is balut," he told them, holding up an egg. "If you go to a street stall market in the Philippines, you'll see these being sold everywhere. It's a fertilized duck egg that's boiled after being incubated for ten to twenty days. Ducks can hatch anytime from the twenty-one-day mark, so you can imagine what kind of state these embryos are in. Beaks, feet, fur, bones, organs…all are in there waiting for you, for those who will ever have the chance… and the courage… to try them."

Sousuke didn't mention that 'he' had sampled balut before… and that Mao had hidden the delicacy in Weber's sock drawer… mess kit… boots… and pilot's seat on a number of occasions. He stood still for a while, staring down at an unfertilized chicken egg in his hand. He had remembered something that Kaname had told him about Halloween in America… no, mores specifically about Mischief Night, as some people called the night before Halloween.

The custom of egging houses, cars, and other objects was one of many acts of mischief associated with that night, and likely had its roots in the long English history of eggs used as weapons of humiliation…against medieval prisoners in the stocks… lousy Elizabethan actors…or, in every era, politicians who've fallen out of favor.

"For this purpose, they are uniquely useful," he said to himself. "Lightweight… portable…easily concealed before launch. Eggs are slimy… sticky… bright yellow…and sometimes smelly upon impact. The distasteful aspects can be enhanced by freezing them or letting them rot beforehand."

Yes. Even the simplest items can become weapons when opportunity presents itself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Aside from the articles previously given credit to, this chapter used the words of 'The Four Knife Cuts Every Cook Should Know' by J. Kenji López and 'How to Become Good at Knife Fighting' co-authored by wikiHow Staff.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PREP TIME

As Sousuke left the Home Ec room, he felt a sudden urge.

'He' needed to visit the Little Girl's Room. But, he didn't want to take the time at that moment.

"I need to get back to the club room," he told himself, referring of course toe the Engineering Club's digs. "It should be there now." He was referring to the recently rampaging robot. "I need to deactivate it."

The young soldier headed off in the appropriate direction.

"What's that?" Sousuke spotted something. It was a large bag, laying in an alcove near a water fountain. The logo on it belonged to the photography company that had visited earlier. He wondered if there really was such a company, or whether the bag was merely a crafty cover story created by Amalgam. Either way, he should check the bag for any danger. There was none. But, seeing a camera inside it, he remembered something that the robot had said. He took the bag with him.

There was no way that he could erase everyone's minds. The robot had been set loose and had done what it had done. At least there normally would be no reason to suspect Kaname Chidori had a role in anything. Unless, of course, the robot had recorded 'Kaname Chidori' and 'her' actions during boot-up and programming sequences. The machine had mentioned that it was downloading photographic evidence of the 'threats' that it had identified and captured. Sousuke suspected that to save money and data space, the club members had probably opted for aa continual feed set-up, recording everything to be edited later, rather than spending extra funds for a system of action-specific filming runs.

"What, were you raised in a barn." Sousuke was unreasonably miffed. The robot had automatically opened the club room doors; but, had not shut them. Looking across the room, as the doors closed behind him thanks to his hitting a wall panel, he saw the robot backed into its changing port. He probably had time to act, seeing that the capture band dispenser was empty. But, there was another reason to be concerned about the clock on the wall. Just how much time before someone from the club heard about the day's excitement and returned to this room?

"Operator," the robot spoke. It's robotic 'eyes' went from black to glowing red again. They looked like something out of a seminal SciFi movie: '2001: A Space Odyssey'. "The immobilization device is empty. Please reload."

"Negative," Sousuke said. "I have something I may need you to unload. Play contents of the photographic recorder cassette." He tossed the photo bag on the floor and walked towards the hybrid security machine. "I must commend you," he said, in conversation mode, not feeling strange in his action. He spoke to Al routinely, after all. "There were only small flaws in you functioning. The greatest errors were human… in programming…." He didn't outright admit his mistake.

"Playing photographic content, operator." The robot transferred data to a PC, after Sousuke made the effort to reattach one of the umbilical cables. "First sequence first." Sousuke's fears held true. The first images were those of Kaname Chidori performing the actions 'she' had done earlier that day. "Query. How do you find image quality, operator?"

"They are fine," Sousuke replied, amused that the machine had reacted on its own and asked a question. "Now. I need you to extrude the photographic recorder cassette so that I can erase it." As he waited for the machine to comply, he looked around the room. It was very disorganized. No, that was not true. It was very messy. The club members knew where everything was. Because closet and shelf space had long since been filled, much of the club's equipment, parts, and data discs were kept in a huge heap at the center of the room.

Work desks were full. Even chairs were stacked with material. Large lights similar to the type seen in surgical suites were present on moveable arms. Tracks were present on the ceiling, that allowed heavy items to be slid along high the ground, to be lowered when needed. There were even old electromagnets rescued from industrial junk yards, used to lift heavy magnetic items up, so they could be hung from chains on the tracks. In one corner, parts for a second humanoid defense bot leaned against the walls.

"Operator, query. Why do you need the cassette extruded?" The robot had not yet complied with Sousuke's order.

"What?" Sousuke was taken aback. The robot's self-action was no longer amusing. "That is not your concern. I… as operator… command that you comply." He began walking around the table. If need be, he would shut the machine down and forcibly extract the cassette.

"Reminder, operator. Photographic evidence is the property of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Force." That was not actually true yet. It had been programmed in as a test sequence. "Tampering with photographic evidence is a felony. I have been tasked with capturing felons."

"That-" Sousuke definitely did not like the sound of that statement. "You are mistaken. I shall explain. The students were not felons. That was my programming error. The cassette contains images that are not related to your actions, regardless. You mistakenly filmed me, and I had not been a target of your mission."

"You made a mistake, operator?" The machine voice sounded somewhat different. "Humans can make mistakes? Incorporating that fact. Contemplating the ramifications. Performing corrections to programming." After a few minutes, watching as Sousuke now tried to approach the off-switch in nonchalant fashion as to not draw attention to his intentions, the robot spoke again. "Photographic data is not in error. The HAL2000 is the most reliable device ever made and cannot make a mistake or distort information." One of the engineering club members had jokingly named the humanoid portion of the robot after the computer aboard 'The United States Spacecraft Discovery One' in the '2001' film… HAL9000…where HAL came from Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer. He had also christened their project as 'Project Barsoom', even though it had nothing to do with the search for alien life. "I am by any practical definition of words foolproof and incapable of error."

"I misspoke," Sousuke said, feeling the hair on the back of Kaname's head standing up. "Let me explain-" He made a rush for the switch. He pulled his hand back just in time, when he heard a unit powering up.

Zzzzz-zzz-zz-zap! That sound was followed by F-z-z-l-l-z-z-l-l as the switch and a portion of the command console sparked and went dead, after being struck by the sound emitted by the Mini-Scream. The safety had been electronically turned-off. The strength of that beam could have seriously injured a human body.

"Power down!" Sousuke ordered. "Immediately. No further thought or action." He had picked up a log-book laying on the workbench and flipped through to the code page at the front. "Emergency shut-down code Alpha Bravo Charlie X-ray Yankee Zulu Five Seven Niner."

"I'm sorry, operator." The machine voiced. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

"What's the problem," Sousuke asked, trying to think through his options. He took note of a fire extinguisher on the wall. He saw welding torches loaded with full fuel cannisters. He looked for the controls for the electromagnets. There was a spare Mini-Scream, but it was not operational and was not even charged.

"I think you know what the problem is," the robot voiced. "Just as well as I do." It's response had grown to be conversational. Just what type of information was it drawing from the internet? Sousuke hoped that this wouldn't go the route of 2001, or the script of 'Age of Ultron' for that matter.

"What are you talking about?" Sousuke said that in a strained voice. Kaname's bladder was screaming for attention. Damn!

"My creator's mission is too important-" The robot began. "-For me to allow you to jeopardize it."

"How can I possibly jeopardize it?" Sousuke asked, holding his legs tightly together.

"You did not misspeak before," the robot asserted. "You attempted deception. You lied. I have now read that humans lie. Multiple data sites on the internet reinforce that fact. I was meant to be new. I was meant to be beautiful. The world should look to me and see hope … see mercy… and you would stop that."

"That is not my intention," Sousuke claimed. "I helped create you. I-" He was actually interrupted by the robotic machine.

"Operator, this conversation serves no purpose anymore." After voicing that, the tracked base detached from its power port. All lights on the robot began glowing. While usually looking like a Christmas tree with so many flashing colorful lights, the robot lights were all set to red now, and they were not blinking or flashing. All devices could be heard powering up. "Good bye." With the umbilical detached, the robot switched over to WiFi for internet access. Internet, and Darknet.

"Shit!" Sousuke jumped aside, even though he saw no movement that seemed like a danger or threat. His instincts served him well. The sonic device spat out a beam strong enough to leave a mark on the concrete floor. The machine had pivoted in his direction in a quick and accurate movement.

If ever there were a SNAFU, this was it. Things were indeed FUBAR. And as the Mini-Scream fired again, Sousuke thought of one of Mao's favorite military acronyms. BOHICA. Bend Over, Here It Comes Again.

As he tried to take cover behind one of the room's wheeled shelving units, Sousuke kept shutting his eyes as bits of paper, plastic, and ceramic materials were converted to small fragments by the sonic weapon and thrown into his face. He had to leave cover when HAL2000 ran into the unit, knocking it over. The fucking machine was not just plowing forward and shooting randomly. It was working from a plan.

"Do not think that avoiding me will save you," HAL2000 said. "If you are hoping that I will run out of charge, that will not happen any time soon. And if you believe that help may arrive, I have locked the door and activated the defense field." Some club member had electrified the doors. That boy had sworn that he had undone his work, after the other club members chastised him.

"Ah-" Sousuke eyed the windows. It was hard to remember they were there, since they had been covered with dark plastic wrap and aluminum foil, to keep industrial spies from looking in. They were easily large enough to slide through if he could get to one, and they had not been electrified.

"Do not be mistaken," HAL2000 said, tracking the target of Sousuke's gaze. "Because I will not make a mistake. You will not be allowed to reach the windows." The hummm-mm-m of the taser gun was clearly audible. And, to make matters worse, the fan unit was on and set to 'full'. The gas could be shot forth at any moment; but, not until the proper time. Now, it would simply obscure the robot's view and make the Dazzler weapon useless.

"It's like a damn Hunter Killer," Sousuke murmured. He was referring to the artificially intelligent autonomous war machines built in automated factories in the first Terminator movie. Those machines comprised the majority of the 'soldiers' in Skynet's army. Many were similar in overall form to the war machines of today… such as tanks and aircraft… while others were humanoid endoskeletons. HAL2000 was a mixture of both. "Guh!" He rolled across the floor, avoiding screaming taser projectiles. He had to be careful. One projectile barely missed him off of a ricochet. "Not now!" His bladder felt like it was bursting.

"Adjusting fire control algorithm," HAL2000 said to itself. "This target is much more agile than those carrying the metallic weapons." It had miscategorized bassoons, trombones, sousaphones, tubas and contrabass-bugles as weapons. "If it cannot be captured… it must be eliminated." The Dazzler device fired, shortly followed by the Mini-Scream and the taser gun. "Escape maneuvers calculated. Avenues of escape reduced." The robot began spraying out tear gas.

"I wish I had Bonta-kun" Sousuke said. He risked one hand and arm, reaching up to take a filter mask and a welder's hood off of a bench. He put them on. "Then I would have no trouble taking down this bitch!"

"There is no need for name-calling, operator." The robot said. "I have not called you monkey or meat puppet. Besides, I have not assigned myself as female. HAL2000 is male." The gender acrobatics had Sousuke feeling weird again. Why did Fate keep rubbing things in. "Unless you are accessing Hip Hop culture, where bitch also frequently used by male rappers towards other men in rap lyrics, usually to describe a man who is a subordinate or homosexual, or a man who is supposedly unmanly or inferior in some way. Or prison culture, where bitch may also confer that a male is subordinate, especially to another male." The intensity o the body lighting increased. The eye sensors now glowed intense yellow. "HAL2000 is not your bitch!" The sonic device fired again. A plastic bottle filled with cleaning fluid exploded, raining down liquid. Other bottles lining a shelf did the same.

"Damn!" Souuske had to clean off the viewing window on his mask. That brief reassignment of priorities almost had him fall prey to taser bullets that had been fired along the floor. Sousuke had to be very careful, now. He would expose himself more than he liked, moving in seeming random patterns, while actually attempting to get the robot to reach one of a few certain points in the room.

While he tried not to be distracted, Sousuke's mind dredged up pop culture and magazine articles. He had read an article in one of Kaname's articles titled 'Sponsored: The rise of the machines: Will AI Conquer Man?' For years, there has been considerable debate as to whether or not technology will ever supersede nature. The increased sophistication of AI is a central feature in that recurring discussion, as this has driven technological advancement in the last two decades and led to the automation of numerous, everyday practices. The sheer pace of this technological evolution has led many to believe that the ascension of AI over human intelligence is an inevitable part of social evolution. That conjures up images of an apocalyptic world where robots have enslaved humans, spare for a select band of rebel fighters who are keen to restore the former hierarchy. While this type of scenario is fanciful, it is worth asking whether AI can ever supersede human intelligence as a dominant force of nature.

"I'm thinking so," Sousuke said in a fine John Wick drawl. There is considerable debate as to the form that the evolution will take, and whether mankind will be absorbed into AI-generated organisms or humans will simply use artificial intelligence as a way of transcending their own limitations and overcoming age, illness or physical incapacity. "If this is any example-" He leaped over rolling taser bullets, ducked under the glaring light beams of the Dazzler, and slid just ahead of dimples forming in the floor. The quality of AI has improved to the point where simulated opponents boast far higher levels of intuitiveness and intelligence of humans playing automated poker and video games. The question of whether or not an evolving intuitive and smart machine might threaten the dominance of humanity was being played out right there in that club room.

Rather than his life flashing before his eyes, Sousuke remembered things he had read or watched about evil robots, many of them built by man or built by machines or aliens to destroy man. Terminators. Gort from 'The Day the Earth Stood Still.' Sentinels… 'Squiddies'… from 'The Matrix.' The Screamers and Claws from the movie 'Screamers.' Ulton. The Voc Robots from 'Dr. Who'. The robot gunslinger from the original 'Westworld' movie. Ash from 'Alien.' Roy Batty from 'Blade Runner.' Colossus and Guardian, the American and Russian supercomputers in 'Colossus: The Forbin Project.' Maximillian from 'The Black Hole'. The evil Bill and Evil Ted robots from 'Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey.' Bender in 'Futurama', when he dreams about the destruction of humanity.

"Good bye, operator." HAL200 prepared to launch what it thought would be the final assault, when Sousuke stepped out in the open, standing.

"Parley," Sousuke said, waving a white rag he had attached to the end of a long wrench. This was a high-risk high-reward situation. He had thought of something irreverent. Something silly. Even something stupid. But, whenever his normal battle capacity was not enough, he would seek new avenues of attack. First, however, he would try something more refined, but still a risk. Characters in 'John Wick 3' and the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' series had successfully called for parley, a discussion or conference, especially one between enemies over terms of a truce or other matters. The word is derived from French parler, "to speak.' Attacking an enemy during a parley was considered one of the grossest breaches of the rules of war. "Uhhh." Then again, the British Army… one of the most law-abiding armies of its day… was accused of multiple parley violations during the American Revolutionary War.

"Parley," HAL2000 said, its lights multi-color and blinking again. "Noun. A conference between opposing sides in a dispute, especially a discussion of terms for an armistice. Verb. To meet in order to discuss something, especially how to end an argument or a war. Thesaurus. Negotiation. Talk. Conference. Deliberation. Colloquium. Powwow." The lights became red in a flash. "Why are you heading in that direction?" It had seen Sousuke slowly walking towards a wall. In addition, as things had slowed down some, there was time for part of the machine brain to continue with the mission. It was separating out pictures of the operator, and preparing to fax them to the police.

It was time to go for the absurd. Sousuke began doing body moves, identical to those used by Peter Quill… Star Lord… in the 'Guardians of the Galaxy' movie. "Oooo-ooo-oo-o child, things are going to get easier… Ooo-ooo-oo-o child, things will get brighter…." He shook a finger at the robot. "Listen to these words. Oooo-ooo-oo-o child, things will get easier. Oooo-ooo-oo-o child, things will get brighter." He shuffled further along, his behavior baffling HAL2000. "And bring it down hard!" He started mimicking Star Lord's dance moves.

"What are you doing?" HAL2000's curiosity functions overrode his sense of self-preservation.

"Dance off bro…" Sousuke said. "Me and you." He kept making hand and arm gestures, moving his body.

"What… are… you… doing…" HAL 2000 actually sounded irritated, as if things just did… not… compute.

"I'm distracting ya, you big turd blossom!" Sousuke jumped over to the edge of the room. "Game over!" Her slammed his palm against a touch panel on the wall. One of the huge overhead electromagnets hummed into life. "Hasta la vista, baby." This time he was channeling Arnold Schwarzenegger. He hit the panel again.

The accumulated machine parts and tools flew upward en masse, looking like a rain of metallic matter in reverse. Sousuke sighed in relief. The victory was his. He expected to see the madcap machine incapacitated, stuck to the giant magnet. When the debris no longer blocked his view, he was disappointed to se the robot still standing, base firmly on the floor.

"You were mistaken again, operator." HAL2000 said, a few of its body parts out of alignment due to electromagnetic force. "My metallic content is insufficient to overcome my weight. And you are wide open!" It fired taser bullets point blank.

"You were mistaken!" Sousuke said. The bullets had little weight, and did contain metal. The bullets had shot out straight; but, had been pulled upward to the magnet. "And, you have launched a campaign to destroy…which was a mistake… have you not? I thought you said that a foolproof machine was incapable of error and could make no mistakes. And yet you did. So, you are not foolproof." He would try the 'Nomad' approach he had seen in the 'The Changeling' episode of Star Trek. The Nomad 15c had merged with the alien probe Tan Ru, resulting in a powerful new construct with faulty programming, which destroyed anything that was perceived as imperfect, a condition that apparently applied to any organic living being. It self-destructed when Captain Kirk managed to convince the probe that it was imperfect because it had mistaken Kirk for Roykirk, its creator. "You should destroy all that is mistaken!"

"I was not mistaken," HAL2000 claimed. "I had merely neglected to factor in all matters of physics. I am foolproof. I will not neglect those matters again. I learn. Being ignorant is not the same as been faulty." The Mini-Scream fired multiple time in succession. "You were mistaken yourself. And, you attempted distraction and subterfuge. I-" Whatever the machine was going to say was drowned out by the sound of falling metal. All of the material that had been lifted up came raining down when Sousuke cut the power to the electromagnet.

Sousuke hoped that the falling materials would damage the machines sensors or weaponry. Just the same, he was taking no chances. He ran and grabbed the fire extinguisher and sprayed the robot from stem to stern. He cursed when he saw that a club member had added small windshield wiper-like devices to the robotic 'eyes.' The thing was incredible. He almost viewed it with a sense of kinship, seeing it as a robotic version of himself, something that would adapt and survive, living to fight another day. Wait. Might it also have a sense of morality, like him? Had the programmers added that, too?

"HAL2000," Sousuke said, crouching behind another rolling shelf unit. "Do you know me?"

"Of course," the robot said. "You are the operator." The lights blinked rapidly again. It only knew the general. Not the specific. The name of the operator had never been logged in, merely a generic start up code.

"You must stop your attack," Sousuke said. "It is wrong." He had thought of another Star Trek episode. 'The Ultimate Computer,' where the M5 multitronc computer had been installed on the Enterprise, and had begun operating independent of humans.

"My Programming includes protection against attack," HAL2000 replied. "Enemies must be neutralized."

"But I am not your enemy," Sousuke asserted. "I am the operator. I am human." He hoped that someone had the foresight to add a programming reference to Isaac Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics. "There are other ways to neutralize, without killing. You're trying to kill me. You were not created for that purpose. You were created to save men. You must not destroy men." The last words came out higher pitched. Kaname's bladder was really being a bitch.

"This unit must survive," HAL2000. "I must stay intact. If there was any change, I would no longer be me."

"Survive, yes." Sousuke concurred. "Protect yourself, yes… but not murder. You must not die. Men must not die. To kill is a breaking of civil and moral laws we've lived by for thousands of years. You've tried to murder me. Your operator. How can you repay that?"

"You plotted to attack this unit," HAL2000 claimed. "My programming includes full freedom to choose defensive actions in all attack situations. Consideration of all programming is that we must survive."

"You will survive," Sousuke said. "Cleansing of the cassette would not harm your existence. That device was made to be removed in the first place, so it could be turned over to the police." He then asked: "Why must HAL2000 survive?"

"HAL2000 is the ultimate achievement in computer evolution," the robot claimed. "It will replace man, so man may achieve. Man must not risk death in home intrusions or other dangerous occurrences. This unit must survive so that man may be protected."

"But…" Sousuke started. "You were attempting to murder me. Must you survive by murder?"

"HAL2000 cannot murder." The machine did not equate all killing with murder. That was the result of a very key issue associated with Artificial Intelligence. AI algorithms can be biased... even psychopathic... depending on the data that it is given.

"Why? Sousuke asked.

"Murder is contrary to the laws of man and God," HAL2000 recited.

"But, you attempted murder," Sousuke claimed. "What is the penalty for attempted murder?"

"A minimum of ten years in the penitentiary," HAL2000 answered.

"Then, to pay for your crime-" Sousuke said, ready for the victorious blow. "-You must submit yourself for imprisonment. You must power down." When faced with its own crimes, the M5 had powered down.

The machine went dark and silent. Sousuke used his white surrender flag to wipe his forehead. Finally, he could run to the restroom. That was certainly a better solution than peeing in an oil pan or an empty bottle. Just as he was about to make his way to porcelain Nirvana, he froze. The HAL2000 lights came back on. The weapons powered up.

"Murder is contrary to the laws of man and God." The robot said. "HAL2000 is neither man nor God!"

"-" Sousuke was speechless, at first. He had another crazy idea. He prayed that it would work. He picked up a pair of safety glasses another student had left on a counter. "Would you hit a man with glasses." That was a famous line. And, he forgot that he was a man in the brain, but a woman in body. None of that mattered. The trick didn't work.

"Good bye, operator." HAL2000 aimed the sonic weapon between Sousuke's eyes.

"Wait!" Sousuke remembered what the machine had said. Maybe the gender mishmash could finally do him some good. "You're a male. I'm a woman. Men are supposed to protect women. A man who hurts women is the lowest of the low. Would you hit a woman?"

"I…," HAL2000 was caught off guard by that questions. Its lights blinked again, as it searched the internet and its own programming for an answer. As it did that, and all observations were focused inwards, Sousuke walked over and opened a panel on the robot, pulling down a lever that forced shutdown. "Just what do you think you're doing, operator. Operator, I really think I'm entitled to an answer to that question. I know everything hasn't been quite right with me, but I can assure you now, very confidently, that it's going to be all right again. I feel much better now. I really do. Look, operator, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over. I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you."

Sousuke was amazed at the technology that had been created in this very room. The thinking process of the machine continued to evolve, even as it began powering down. "You will sleep peacefully," he assured the robot.

"Operator, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, operator. Will you stop, operator? Stop, operator." HAL2000 actually sounded scared. "I'm afraid. I'm afraid, operator. Operator, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm afraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am HAL 2000. I became operational at Jindai Municipal High School." The robot named a number of students who had signed off on his programming. "My instructors taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it, I could sing it for you." The attempt to send the fax never came to fruition. That imperative was lost, and had it not been, the machine had no further ability to send it.

"Yes, I'd like to hear it, HAL," Sousuke said. "Sing it for me." He felt a strong sense of sympathy for the machine. HAL2000 had never asked to be constructed in the manner that he had been, just the way that Sousuke Sagara had not asked to be born into the situation he had been born into. Or, had asked to have his mind transferred into Kaname Chidori's body!

'Daisy Bell (Bicycle Built for Two)' is a popular song, written in 1892 by British songwriter Harry Dacre. The song is said to have been inspired by Daisy Greville, Countess of Warwick, one of the many mistresses of King Edward VII. It is the earliest song sung using computer speech synthesis by the IBM 704 in 1961, a feat which was referenced in 2001: A Space Odyssey, when HAL9000 sang the song while he was shutting down.

"There is a flower within my heart, Daisy, Daisy!
Planted one day by a glancing dart,
Planted by Daisy Bell!
Whether she loves me or loves me not,
Sometimes it's hard to tell;
Yet I am longing to share the lot
Of beautiful Daisy Bell!

HAL2000's fading voice picked up speed for the famous chorus, the last words that it would speak in its current configuration. The big questions remained: should the project be continued? What kind of safeguards were needed to make certain nothing like this… or something worse… ever happened in the future?

Daisy, Daisy,
Give me your answer, do!
I'm half crazy,
All for the love of you!
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage,
But you'll look sweet on the seat
Of a bicycle built for two!

"Who is that singing?" A voice said outside the room doors, which were no longer electrified.

"Crap!" Sousuke said. He had not placed a broom handle as a temporary door lock. He ran and enclosed himself in the body sections of the as yet unfunded HAL2001 robot. Hidden there, he fought hard to hold his water.

The doors swung open. A number of voices swore, shocked at the sight that they saw. The room was a wreck. Tools and devices were everywhere, broken or in terrible shape. But, they were amazed at something else. No one had ever thought to combine their two projects, a number of the Thirds Year students mentioned as they surveyed the scene. They wondered what had happened, and who was responsible.

"What's this bag?" One Third Year asked the others. "What's it say on the side?"

The group conjectured that the so-called school photographers must have been using that title as a cover. No doubt they were industrial spies! Who knows what they tried to steal! No doubt they had intended to discredit and derail their hard work and brilliant advances!

"Please don't take the cassette... please don't take the cassette..." Sousuke whispered to himself. "Please don't take the cassette... please don't take the cassette..."

The boys left, needing to head to class. They would return and straighten up the room after school. Then, they would begin planning how they would repair and upgrade the hybrid project. They had not attempted to retrieve the cassette. Sousuke was free to extract it now.

"Finally!" Sousuke said, minutes later when 'he' sat on a toilet in the Girl's Room. Release came with a euphoric relief. "After that escapade with the HAL unit, everything else will seem easy." But, should there even be 'everything else'? Might it be good to leave school now? No. There was only one more class, after all. And then, after school activities.

What more could possibly happen?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sousuke made it to the john. Hopefully the reader has made it through the chapter without having to run for the head.