A chapter a day keeps the bad reviews away. (I don't own Twilight!)
The days after our walk in the meadow were a blur. Bella and I continued to see each other, spending time in the library, talking in class, and occasionally driving to school together. We had settled into a routine, one where the space between us felt comfortable, almost easy. At least, that's what I told myself.
Every moment I spent near her, I could feel the war waging inside me. I had promised her friendship, had sworn to myself to keep my distance, but the longer I was with her, the more my desire for her grew. It wasn't just physical, though that temptation was constant, but emotional too. Bella's presence, her laughter, her gaze, all of it was magnetic. And as much as I tried to convince myself it was manageable, it was becoming unbearable.
Each day felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff, wanting to leap but knowing that doing so would destroy everything. Her blood still called to me, the scent of it always there, lurking beneath her skin, but I had learned to ignore it. The more time I spent with her, the easier it became to push the hunger back, though it was never truly gone.
She hasn't touched me like she had in the meadow that day. There hasn't been any reason for her too. But it became an everyday struggle with how much I wanted to pull her closer, how much I longed to kiss her, to hold her, to feel her warmth against mine. And yet, she remained oblivious to it all. Bella was friendly, more than friendly, but she had never given me a reason to think she felt anything more for me. She wasn't like the others. She didn't flirt or try to make me notice her. In fact, I often caught her lost in thought, her eyes unfocused, staring at me when she thought I wasn't looking. There were moments when she'd glance away quickly, as if embarrassed, her cheeks would bloom a mouthwatering red. I could feel my dead heart tighten at the thought that she might actually feel something for me. But those moments were fleeting, always followed by something more neutral, more platonic.
And I was left to wonder, was there something deeper in those glances? Something I didn't dare hope for. Was it possible for her to ever feel just a sliver of what I feel?
As the days passed, school became more of a struggle. Bella's friends would always question her about our relationship, hoping to get the details of what was just a friendship. Bella's response became almost repetitive. "We're just friends." She would say in an annoyed tone. The girls in school noticed my newly found interest in Bella but it wasn't just them. I also started to notice the boys at school who talked to Bella. I had always been aware of them, but now, they seemed to exist in a much sharper way, like they were suddenly more than background noise. Every time someone approached her, my focus would snap to them, my fists clenching as I watched their every move, every word exchanged. It was my first experience with jealousy. It was a possessive, bitter feeling, one that burned through me like acid. I hated it, hated how much it controlled me, and yet I couldn't stop it. Jasper sent me waves of calmness through out the school day, never questioning my feelings. He knew this feeling all too well when it came to Alice.
The tension began almost imperceptibly at first, just a tightening in my chest when I saw other boys talking to Bella. But soon, it grew into something undeniable, a problem I couldn't ignore no matter how hard I tried.
One of those problems being Mike Newton. He was always quick to smile at her, always around, always making sure she didn't feel out of place. And it wasn't just a friendly "Hey, Bella," either. It was the way he spoke to her, like he was trying to impress her. He'd say things like, "You've got a pretty good sense of humor, you know that? Not a lot of girls can joke around the way you do."
Typical...
I would watch Bella smile in response, her eyes softening for just a moment before she replied, "Well, I'm glad you think so, Mike. I was getting worried I might be too sarcastic for this small town."
Her voice was playful, light, kind of how she would talk to me. Jealousy would surge through me at the thought. I knew I had no right to feel this way, but it didn't stop the way my chest clenched at the sound of her laugh, or how my eyes would narrow at the way Mike's hand would brush her arm on accident as he handed her a book.
I wasn't sure if she noticed it too, but I did. I saw everything, the way her hands would fidget with her books or her hair, the way she would avert her eyes when she realized she was blushing. And each time it happened, a little part of me, the one I was desperately trying to suppress, would flare up. The jealousy, the possessiveness, the desire to be the only one to make her laugh, to be the only one to bring out that shy blush on her face.
I could never show my true feelings though... I couldn't let myself get tangled in emotions. Not when I was supposed to be just a friend. Not when I was supposed to be keeping my distance.
I was becoming obsessed with these little moments. It wasn't just jealousy anymore; it was a constant ache in my chest every time she was near another boy. I couldn't help myself. Every interaction between her and the guys around her—Mike, Tyler, even Eric, felt like something I needed to be aware of. I'd watch, unable to look away. I couldn't stop myself from seeing the way she looked at them, the way they tried to get her attention.
And what killed me every time was how she didn't seem to notice. She was friendly, kind, never making any of them feel bad for their attention but also never giving them the attention they wanted. Their thoughts were not even close to innocent, making my hatred grow even more. She didn't know the effect it had on me. To her, they were just boys she knew, just people in her life, just like me…
As the days went on, I found myself growing quieter, more distant. I didn't pick her up for school as much. I couldn't keep pretending I was okay. I couldn't pretend that seeing her surrounded by boys, laughing with them, chatting with them, being the object of their attention, didn't tear at me. It was becoming harder and harder to hide how much it hurt.
That was until Mike Newton, came up to her one afternoon after class, inviting her to a house party he was having this weekend. I was only a few feet away when I saw him leaning in a little too close to Bella, his easy smile never faltering as he told her all the details. She thanked him for the invite but declined.
"Thanks Mike, but I don't think I should be around alcohol, plus with my dad being the Sherrif and all… I think it would be best if I stayed home that night." She said, giving him an apologetic smile.
He starts to frown, "Well… if you change your mind, here's my phone and address." He told her as he handed her a small paper. She took it, putting it in her back pocket. I wanted to tear that paper to shreds.
When the conversation finally ended and she turned to walk toward me, I was already walking away, my mood darkened.
"Hey, Edward." she said as she caught up to me, her brow furrowed in confusion as she saw the anger on my face.
I tried to mask the bitterness, pushing it back with a tight smile. "Hey" I said quickly, though the words came out flat.
"Is something wrong?" She asked in a worried tone, still struggling to match my speed as I walked out of the building.
I couldn't stop my words as they came blurting out. "I just don't like people getting too close to my friends, I guess." The way I said it felt like I had just thrown down a gauntlet, but Bella only raised an eyebrow.
"You mean, Mike?" she asked, her voice light but there was a flicker of something deeper in her eyes.
I nodded, pushing my hands in my pockets as I slowed down for her to catch up. "He always looks like he's trying to be too friendly."
Bella's eyes narrowed just a little, and she was silent for a moment, her gaze lingering on me as if trying to understand. "That's just the way he is, he doesn't mean anything by it," she said slowly, but her voice was more uncertain now. "But you don't have to act so... weird about it, Edward. You know he's just being friendly, right?"
If only she knew how wrong she was.
"It's nothing," I said quickly, brushing off her words, shoving the thoughts back. "Just something I've noticed."
But Bella wasn't convinced. She studied me for a moment longer before shaking her head slightly, clearly trying to piece things together. "Okay, whatever you say... But you're acting like I'm doing something wrong, and I'm not, Edward."
I could hear the frustration creeping into her voice, but I didn't know how to reassure her without giving away too much.
I forced a smile. "I said, it's nothing," I repeated, more sharply than I intended, and immediately regretted it.
She paused, eyes flashing with something between confusion and annoyance. "You're acting... I don't know, off lately. What's going on with you?"
That question, simple as it was, made something inside me snap. I could feel the anger bubbling up from deep inside, that ugly feeling I'd been pushing down for days. She didn't understand, and I couldn't make her understand. Not without revealing things I wasn't ready to share.
"You shouldn't be hanging around guys like that," I snapped before I could stop myself. The words were out before I could stop them. I saw the hurt flash in her eyes, the confusion turning to something harder. But I couldn't pull them back now. It was out there, and my chest ached as I waited for her to react.
Bella's eyes widened in disbelief, and she stopped walking altogether, making me pause with her. "What?" she asked, her voice rising with anger. "You don't get to tell me who I can and can't talk to, Edward."
The words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I flinched, but I didn't back down. I was angry, frustrated, but more than that, I was scared. Scared of losing her, scared of the way I was reacting, but I couldn't stop myself. I had to fix this, even if I had to be cruel to do it.
I swallowed hard, trying to hold onto my composure, but I couldn't help the words that came next. "You don't know what is going on in their heads, okay? You're too... too good for them. They might say or do something that will make you uncomfortable. They don't know what you're really like. They don't deserve you."
Her expression turned from anger to a mixture of hurt and frustration, and she stepped back, putting distance between us. Her voice was cold when she spoke again. "You don't get to decide that for me, Edward. I'm not some fragile thing you need to protect all the time. I can handle myself when it comes to high school boys. You're being unreasonable."
I opened my mouth to say something, but the words caught in my throat. She was right. I was being unreasonable. But I couldn't admit it to her, couldn't let her see how right she was. Some leftover students in the hallway started to notice our conversation as it got heated.
"That's the thing, Bella," I said, my voice tight with frustration. "You're a magnet for danger. You don't even realize it, but you're always in need of protection, even when you don't see it coming." The words came out harsh, more like a reprimand than I intended, and I hated how I sounded, like a smug, self-righteous jerk. But I couldn't stop myself.
The silence between us stretched on, suffocating, as she glared at me with shock in her eyes. She glanced around and saw a few nosie students staring at us and started to blush.
"Edward," she said softly, her voice holding back her anger. "I can't keep doing this. I can't keep walking on eggshells around you. I don't need you to protect me from everything, especially not from my friends. I'm not your responsibility." She had pushed past me and headed to her car, not wanting to continue the conversation. I didn't follow her, scared of angering her more. I wasn't in control of my words right now and needed to stop before I say something I can't come back from. This was our first fight and I felt so defeated.
I wanted to call after her, to apologize, to explain myself, but the words felt stuck in my throat, too heavy to speak. It was as if I had just realized the truth in her statement, everything I had been doing, every instinct to shield her from danger, was just my way of controlling what I couldn't control, of keeping myself close to her without truly knowing how to be close to her.
I turned and leaned against the brick wall of the school, squeezing my eyes shut. Why had I let it get this far? Why hadn't I told her how I really felt, how I couldn't stand the thought of losing her, of something happening to her? I wanted to be more than just the guy who protected her. I wanted to be the guy who loved her. But I couldn't even say the words out loud. Not now. Not with her looking at me like I was some kind of burden she had to endure.
I exhaled sharply, running my fingers through my hair. Why do I do this to myself..
Strike one, strike two, and strike three... he better get it together or learn to keep quiet.