Midmorning sunlight streamed in through the stained-glass windows, painting colours across the pulpit as the priest spoke sombrely to the congregation. Sitting towards the front, hands folded neatly in her lap, Michelle wondered how many times Gael had sat in this very chapel, perhaps even in this very pew.
'Gael was a man of great faith, fortitude and patience,' the priest concluded. 'He was only here for a short time, but he touched the lives of many for the better.'
Michelle's eyes pricked with tears, and she hurriedly wiped them. If he hadn't followed her into that hotel, he would've still been here. The decision to rally morale and charge in without protective equipment had been hers alone; it seemed unfair that the person who started it all had been the only one to survive.
Taking a deep breath, she tried to push those thoughts from her mind. Her heart ached every time she thought of the fallen, and her instinct was to take that blame on herself. Yet she knew – both logically and from what she'd discussed with her superiors in debrief – that their deaths weren't her fault. Each and every CTU agent there that day had made a choice, weighing up the risk and choosing morality and humanity over self-preservation. Just like they had many times prior, and just like she would many more times.
If I hadn't made the decision to enter, Gael would have, Michelle reminded herself. It's not my fault.
Still, she attended the funeral of every agent who'd died from the virus. Danny claimed she was torturing herself, but it was more complicated than that. Sitting in the pews and hearing about their wonderful, rich, full lives hurt like hell. But afterwards, once she'd paid her respects and let the pain wash over her, she felt herself a little bit of that guilt go.
She only wished Tony were here to hold her hand throughout the service. He'd wanted to attend, but despite their best efforts, the prison had denied compassionate leave.
But their appeals were a fight for another day. Today was about honouring Gael and, hopefully, starting to heal.