I do not own nor do I make a profit off of Twilight. All rights belong to it's author Stephanie Meyer
I know, I know...I kinda disappeared again. Let me explain a little. Back in April I put this story on the back burner so I could do Camp Nanowrimo and focus more on my original work. (Fun Fact I've been working on a my own series since 2015 and have been perfecting since I was just a wee teenager.) Anyway I planned to come back right at the start of May when Camp Nano was over however I began to catch up on reading the stories that I had missed in April and learned...My writing isn't that good, at least not compared to the stories I've been reading and suddenly I couldn't find the urge to write anymore. Not when all these new and better stories were coming out so I kinda just gave up. I wasn't going to even update this story because I kinda feel so low on my own writing. I alos promised myself I would never let reviews or lack there off determine my writing or hold chapters hostage but I was a little dissapointed and contributed the lack of communication with you guys on me just being a bad writer. However I've had this chapter saved on my computer since the end of March, so I went ahead and did a super quick edit and decided to throw it up here. I don't really know the future of this story, I still have my chapter outline and ideas for it, i just don't know if it's really any good to continue. I might need to think on it more, but I do hope you enjoy this chapter! :)
Reviews:
Guest- Hello There! Don't worry Mare will be okay! Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to read my story and leave a review, I really do appreciate it! :D
Ooshnish- Hello my friend! Sorry to keep you hanging on for so long! Thank you for the gentle knudges, you are really the only reason I through up a new chapter! (see full explanation up top if you like) I"m loving Rose in sister mode too and had a lot of fun writing this chapter, to be honest I wrote back in March but I do remember having fun with Rose's little speech here :D. As Always the way you read these chapters and understand the direction were going in always amazes me and always makes me really happy to read your reviews. ANDDD as always you're way too nice lol. I dedicate this chapter to you my friend and hope it was worth the wait and as always I'm sorry for the two month hiatus, it's never my intention to be gone this long and you have no idea how much I appreciate logging on and seeing your user name reminding me it's time to write it always get me PUMPED! Thank you so much for sticking around this little old story of mine you have no idea how much I TURLY APPRECIATE YOU! Thank you for reading and thank you for taking the time to always review. Your user name always makes me SMILE!
xoxoxo8123-I'm sooooo happy you like Mare's backstory...I'm always a little bit nervous to write about it as I don't want to trigger anyone and I want her life to feel real and not just a typical tragic backstory. If i keep going on with this story I promise I have more to reveal. All is well on my end and I hope all is well on your end! Sorry for making you wait so long but I really hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you so much for reading a reviewing it means the world to me!
I Don't Hate You
My body goes stiff, and I hear my heartbeat in my ears. Everything begins to go fuzzy when cold hands grab my wrists and bring them close to my chest,
"Mare." Carlisle's strong voice pierces my brain and slowly his face comes into focus,
"Carlisle?" He smiles,
"That's my sweet girl, everything is okay." I nod realizing how weak I suddenly feel,
"I feel weird."
"I know, take a moment." He encourages gently as if talking to an upset child. I can't shake this feeling or the way Carlisle is speaking to me and then I'm reminded of the way I felt when Carlisle took me to a pediatrician and surprised me with several rounds of vaccines,
"Did I faint?"
"No, we did lose you for a second there, but you didn't fall unconscious."
"Oh." Esme's suddenly behind me,
"Mare if this is too much, we can do it later." I shake my head, feeling suddenly a bit light-headed,
"No, I'm sorry I don't know why that happened." Carlisle's cold hands squeeze my wrist gently,
"It's alright, just a shock is all, but you're okay, Esme and I are right here." I nod
"I'm sorry, this wasn't a good idea," The man is still standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets, eyes looking at anything in the room but me.
"It's alright Garrett," Carlisle encourages. I swallow and take a shaky breath,
"I'm sorry." Garrett finally looks at me, a short and breathy sarcastic laugh escapes his lips and he looks taken aback,
"You're apologizing to me?" I look between Carlisle and Esme before trailing my eyes back to Garrett and nodding, "No, you can't apologize to me." Carlisle lets go of my hands and turns toward Garrett all while keeping a close distance to me,
"Ummm okay, I'm sorry." He scrunches his face as if in pain and Carlisle moves to stand in front of my left side,
"No I mean-"
"Take it slow Garrett," Carlisle tells him, and suddenly I feel uneasy. Garrett runs his fingers through his hair and searches for words,
"What I mean to say is, you shouldn't apologize to me." He takes his hands out of his pockets and takes a steady breath, "I'm sorry I bit you." His body relaxes and suddenly the whole room feels more relaxed,
"Thank you," I whisper,
"I...I...didn't know who you were or that you were with the others, I just saw a human that had wandered too close to territory I believed they shouldn't be in and I was afraid of it risking my friend's peace." I bite my cheek before answering,
"I can understand that."
"I should have listened to you when you were trying to speak. I just...I knew it was wrong and thought if I took care of it quickly, the others wouldn't have to know...I don't exactly follow their diet if you can't tell by the..uh..eyes." I've purposefully been avoided them, but at the mention of them I look up finding the brightest blood-red eyes, they could be described as gorgeous if I didn't know what they stood for.
"I think I get it."
"You don't have to, and you don't have to forgive me. Everything you went through was because of me and I feel bad...really bad. I..I'm not a bad guy." He stumbles and looks around almost for help. He looks almost helpless and I see myself in him,
"I do." He stops and turns back towards me,
"Do what?"
"Forgive you." He looks confused and turns to Carlisle for help. Carlisle has a soft smile on his face and only silently encourages Garrett to continue,
"But why." I shrug,
"Everyone deserves forgiveness."
"What if..you changed." I think back to everything I ever said about being a vampire. How I told Jasper I didn't want to be changed, how I begged Carlisle to tell me the color of my eyes because I didn't want them to be the same shade as Garretts. Could I forgive Garret if I had changed? If I had changed what would have happened to Twilight, to Bella, to Edward? I sigh before finally answering Garrett's question,
"I guess we'll never know." After a second Garrett smiles, it's a smile full of disbelieve as if this grown man can't accept the answer that I just gave him, but after a second he nods,
"I guess you're right."
Garrett doesn't stay for long after our talk Carlisle took him to his office and Esme stayed with me. She told me she was proud, that I handled everything so well. Her praise leaves me feeling awkward and undeserving, but she insists on giving it to me anyway.
…
I can't stay in bed long, the feeling of being stuck in my sheets for days, fighting between hot and cold leaves me feeling gross and after a few hours of convincing Esme finally lets me out of bed. At first, she insists I sit downstairs and watch TV while she changes the bedding and airs everything out, but with the weather being a cool 62 degrees I beg her to let me sit on the porch. It's a good twenty minutes of back and forth but finally, she agrees,
"Fine, you can sit out there for thirty minutes no more, let me get you a sweatshirt and a blanket." She picks out a Patagonia fleece and a heavily weighted blanket before setting me up on one of the comfy outdoor couches she has lined around the balcony.
"Thirty minutes." She repeats "I'll come get you and I don't want to hear complaining." It's weird having an adult telling me what to do. My mother only told me what to do after a couple of shots of bourbon and it was more yelling about nonsense than anything else. Esme wouldn't move until I verbally agreed with her and only then was I left alone.
The air is chilly with the scent of rain, Forks always smelled like this but today it smelled exceptionally good. Maybe because I was here to smell it, or maybe because I was just getting used to it, either way, I took in lungs full of air sighing after each time. I almost groan when I heard the glass door slide, it couldn't have been thirty minutes already, I sigh and turn surprised when it was Edward behind me and not Esme.
"Did she send you out here?" He smirks,
"I'm supposed to tell you it's been thirty minutes and it's time to come in, but it's only been ten."
"Read her mind, did you?"
"She's been counting the minutes since you've been out here." I sigh,
"Did you just get home?"
"Yes, I brought your homework." He holds up a folder with what I can only imagine as packets from every subject to complete and turn in tomorrow.
"Great." Edward sets the folder down on the small table in front of the couch and steps to lean against the railing in front of me,
"I heard you talked to Garrett." I nod,
"He seems nice."
"He bit you."
"No one's perfect." He crosses his arms
"You're not mad? He could have changed you." I feel my skin prickle, just the subject of me changing feels wrong. We're silent for a second before I find the nerve to speak,
"Carlisle says I can't be changed." Edward nods,
"I know."
"I'm scared."
"Because you can't be changed or this world you are in." I swallow hard finding a knot in my throat, my chest hurts and I have to think about my answer before I can give it. Finally, I take a breath and answer,
"Both."
…
In the end, Esme gets her way, I come inside and am made to be content on the couch next to the window with my folder of homework Edward brought home. For the most part, I am happy, theirs is no rain and the sun shines behind the clouds, so even though they'res no sunshine it's still lighter than I normally see it around here. I could almost smile until I open the folder and find my math homework sitting on top.
"Mare?" I look up finding Rose standing in the doorway between the hallway and the living room. She's dressed in a simple brown sweater dress with leggings, cream knee highs, and tall brown velvet boots, I feel like a bum next to her in my grey sweats, white baggy shirt, and large fur blanket,
"Hi." She steps closer into the living room until she's able to sit across from me on the couch, her hands behind her back,
"I wanted to give you this." Her hands move from behind her back revealing a familiar small blue hardcover book, "It's Nancy Drew." That's right. That night I woke up expecting Esme to be sitting in the room but found Rosalie. She sat in the corner and started reading to me, but I fell asleep before she could even turn the first page,
"You love Nancy Drew." I may have fallen asleep while she read her favorite book to me, but I remember the story that accompanied the reading. How Rose and her friends started a bookclub and only read Nancy Drew books, how the first will always be her favorite,
"You fell asleep quickly, I thought maybe since you weren't able to get into the story that maybe you'd like to read it when you have some free time?" I open my mouth but find nothing coming out. It was only two weeks ago that Rose wanted nothing to do with me, and now here she is lending me her favorite book. I hold out my hands and Rosalie carefully hands the book over. Rose smiles gently and makes a move to stand,
"Rosalie?"
"Mhhhhh."
"Thank you for being nice to me." Rose's body goes limp, she leans back into the couch and takes a breath.
"I never hated you, Mare." She admits quietly. "I know I wasn't very welcoming, but I didn't choose to hate you, honestly theirs not a lot of people I choose to hate." Her golden eyes meet mine and I find one emotion in them, sadness.
"I'd understand if you did." Rose's brows furrow in confusion "Hate me." I whisper. Suddenly my hands are enveloped in another set of cold hands,
"Mare." Rose's voice is soft and gentle, "I know I'm not easy to get along with, I don't trust easily and I don't open up to others. I'm protective of my friends and family and if I feel like something might hurt or endanger those people I can get a little out of myself, but that doesn't mean I'm cold-hearted. I know you didn't come here by choice and I know our first meeting wasn't...ideal, but I didn't and I don't hate you and you shouldn't let yourself think that anyone hates you." She squeezes my hands in a reassuring gesture. It's nice, and despite the cold from her hands I feel warm, I swallow and squeeze her hands back, and consider if I'm ruining the moment by asking this
"What changed?" She lets go of my hands and places them on her knees. Her head tilts a bit as if thinking of her answer,
" I watched you, the way you interacted with everyone. How every morning at 5 Edward would head upstairs to his room just to wait for you to wake up. How Esme spent her free time watching the food network and _. How Carlisle would spend his nights sitting in the corner of your room and then sneaking out every morning just because you got better sleep when your body knew it wasn't alone. How Alice would talk about you non-stop and then when Emmett would join her. I think what really made me open up to you was when you began playing chess with Jasper." She takes a deep breath, "As long as I've known him he's never been left alone with anyone, Alice is always by his side unless he wants to be alone, but being left alone with someone other than Alice...it doesn't happen." My face feels hot, I never knew any of them did those things and now knowing it feels wrong. Like these are their own little secrets and now that I know them, they're not special anymore.
"I didn't know any of that," Rose nods her head, before giving me a cheeky smile,
"I don't think any of them wanted you to know those things," I give her a small smile back,
"I won't tell." Her smile falls a little and she looks down,
"They're s something else," I wait, and nervously she swallows, "I was listening when you and Jasper were playing chess last week, he asked you if you ever wanted to be...like us."
"Ya," I remember,
"You said no." I nod, "and then when you woke up after Garrett bit you, you were afraid that you'd been changed."
"I'm sorry," It's selfish and I know, telling a vampire I don't want to be like them has to hurt,
"No," Rose breathes out quickly, "I'm glad. Mare this life isn't one, anyone should choose, none of us did. I'm afraid humans might romanticize this lifestyle and want it for their own when in reality humanity is the best thing life has to offer. You get to grow...create a family and watch the one person you choose to spend your life with age in front of your eyes. You both get grey hair and wrinkles, see life change before your very eyes but reject it because you think it was better in your prime." She's smiling and I can't help but notice how her face lights up talking about the simple parts of being human, "and then when your time is up you leave and life continues without you. Humanity is romantic and I'm jealous I don't get that."
"That was beautiful," She shakes her head,
"No being human is, and the fact that it was almost taken from you made me the angriest I've been in a while. Both Edward and I will never let Garrett forget it and he's lucky he is a vampire and recovers quickly." I can see now why Garrett was so scared to see me. "Life is wonderful and I want you to experience all of that." I realize that everything Rose just said is things she'll never have, things she'll never get to experience, but her telling me that she wants me too...it's the same as her saying, "I love you." and the only way I can say it back is to say,
"I will." She smiles and nods before turning her head towards the balcony,
"I hope you're not too tired, I think there's someone else here that wants to talk to you." I lift an eyebrow and turn my head to follow her gaze. I can't help the smile that crosses my lips when I find who she's talking about.
It's Alice.