I do not own nor do I make profit off of Twilight. All rights belong to it's author Stephanie Meyer.
THERE IS SOME ADULT LANGUAGE AND THEMES INCULDING TALK OF NON-CONCONSENSUAL SEXUAL ASSUALT. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THESE TOPICS PLEASE DO MOT READ ANY FURTHER. THEIR WILL BE OTHER CHAPTERS THAT ARE SAFE, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!
Before I start I want to make it clear that once again I have taken a few creative liberties with a few details. I know Esme was abused by her husband but I don't know if her child was conceived by force or what consent was given, but I just feel that based on Esme herself and the times she might not have exactly said yes to him the night it happened, but again this is not canon so please don't take it as such. AS for the name, I found on redit that Stephanie Meyer never actually had a name planned for Esme's baby (which is crazy to me because there is no way Esme has a child and didn't given it a proper name) but at a book event someone asked her about the name and apparently they brainstormed and came up with the name right then and there at the event. How true this is I don't know but I desided to go for it even though honestly...I don't think she would have named her child Joseph, but not my monkeys not my circus Enjoy!
P.S- There will not be a chapter next week on the 21, but there will be one on the 28th!
REVIEWS:
KEZZ 1- Thank you so much!
Ooshnish- HELLO MY SWEET FRIEND!I am such a procrastinator that before I know it, it's midnight and I haven't edited anything and have to get straight to work lol, but I'm very happy that you get to read each chapter right in the morning! If I'm correct and when I say that I mean if Google is correct, there is a seven hour difference between us. I don't really plan things on Sunday's most of the time I pick up the unwanted weekend hours at work, just so I have something to do lol. Theirs is PLENTY of sunshine here, so much I would love to send you some along with the horrific 100 degree heatwave we can't seem to get rid off. I've never wanted Autumn so much in my entire life! I'm trying really hard to gain confidence I promise, but I swear when it came time to make me god just poured a whole bottle of self doubt in the mixing bowl that would become my life lol. But I promise I'm trying my best. When I read Twilight for the first time years ago all I could think about was what a missed oppurtunity Stephanie Meyer missed when she didn't include more big brother Emmett, I mean come on the man screams protective big brother mode! I love that you still love Esme and Carlisle in Parent mode, I'm not goanna lie I always get worried that you and others are going to get tired of it..I know I've dragged this on but please bare with me! We'll get to Twilight soon I PROMISE! Thank you so much Ooshnish for being my very greatest and best friend through all of this up and down, it does truly mean the world to me that not only do you push me to be better and keep going but also are patient with me! I couldn't ask for a better person to help me along with this little story of mine! As always I'm sending you all the my love and only the warmest (literally because it's like 90 degrees right now) hugs! Thank you my friend for being you and for being here! Coffee
Guest- Thank you so much luv!
UnderrcookedCookie- Okay first of all I LOVE your user name and second, Thank you sooooo much! Your words seriously meant the world to me and I don't know how to thank you more than just by saying it so, THANK YOU! I hope you enjoy this chapter and have only the BEST WEEK!
Agabriellafigueiredo- Thank you my luv! Your words were so kind and meant the absolute world to me! I love you too and cant thank you enough for being so sweet and patient with me! I'm so glad you liked the last chapter and hope you like this one just as much although there is a bit more hurt/comfort in this one. I'm with you on the family, I've always wanted a big family like this and I think it's why I enjoy writing it so much! Thank you for reading and leaving a review I always get so excited to see your name pop up! Sending all my love! Coffee
Iman- Thank you so much and I promise I'm not done writing this story at all, I'm taking a few more breaks these days but I'll always come back I promise! A reminder there will not be an update next week but there will be the week after. I'm usually pretty good about letting everyone know, but I have fallen a bit this summer lol. I love Emmett and love showing off his kind side so I promise their will be more of that to lol! Thank you for your kind words! In return I'm sending all my love your way!
Iman Khan- WOW! Thank you so much! Your words were incredibly sweet and just instantly melted my heart and for that I can't thank you enough my sweet friend. I promise I'll keep writing and updatig, I'm usually pretty good about letting people know when I'm goanna be uploading so you don't have to wait too long or be left in the dark. I really hope you like this chapter although it is a little more emotional and have the best week!
Gretchenia- HELLO! I don't think I've seen your post, but will be responding to your message right after this! Their is never a need to apologize, as I keep telling you, you don't ever have to leave a review so the fact that you do is enough my sweet friend. I'm sorry life has been a lot for you and hope it slows down too, please don't forget during these hectic times to take a little time for yourself too. I am feeling a bit better, although I feel so anxious these days lol, but that too shall pass at some point. I'm SO HAPPY you love the Fathers Day Special, I'm not going to lie, I thought of you while writing it, just because I felt like it would be a chapter you would really like as it was a bit more lighter in content. You understand Mare so well, because everything you said about her was correct, but then again I'm never surprised lol. I wanted to give some future insight on how Mare acts when she feels more part of a family and a bit more mentally stable. Almost like a taste of whats to come lol. When it came to the gifts GIRL I was STUCK! I was like "what do you give someone that has everything?" It took me days to make that list lol so I'm so glad it felt real, as if those are gifts he would actually like! You have made my heart so happy with that! THANK YOU! As for the Cullen crest ring, I have had that planned FOR-EV-ERRRR! And cant wait for you to read it, it's coming soon I promise! And for the incident...that's coming real soon here too, so you wont have to wonder for long! Thank your words as always they are too kind and always make me tear up, YOU my friend are a gift, one I can't thank enough for! I cry every time reading your reviews and can never find the words to thank you enough! Please read chapter 54, don't make yourself wait, treat yourself because you my sweet, sweet, amazing friend deserve it! You are such a light and I thank you so much for being here!
20- Thank you so much my sweet friend!
You Had a Baby?
When I wake up in the morning my whole body is sore. Spending four straight days in bed laying down has left my joints stiff and muscles tight, and against better judgment I slide to the edge of the bed and stand, my knees start shaking almost immediately. I carefully sit back down on the bed flexing my sock-covered feet back and forth and I feel a sort of rage coming on. When I first fell into the Twilight universe I was sick for a night, however, my body was also recovering from the fight I had with my mother, but I think I only lingered for two to three days. This time around I'm on day four and I still feel like maybe I could spend another day napping if it weren't for the fact that my bed feels warm and my body's starting to hurt. I peek at the clock, 11:30, I want to grab it and throw it as hard as I can against the wall, but before I can reach for it the door opens,
"Marceline, how are you feeling?" Esme pops her head in with a gentle smile,
"Morning...afternoon." I greet annoyed, Esme's eyes soften,
"I wanted to let you sleep for however long your body thought necessary, but if you like we can talk wake-up times." I shrug, looking down at my socks. They are a pristine white and I hate it, even with Esme's immaculate cleaning my socks don't always look so...white, a sign I've been in bed for too long.
"I'm just tired of sleeping," I grumble and Esme opens the door wider to step in. She's dressed down in a simple pair of jeans with a collared blouse tucked in,
"Mare honey, would you like to talk?" I look up at her and frown,
"Talk about what?" She shrugs and smiles gentle as ever,
"Whatever you want, whatever you need," I look away and shrug,
"I don't want to talk."
"That's fine too, how about something to eat?"
"Food doesn't fix everything." I snap turning to look at her and instantly regret it. I swallow a lump forming in my throat and look back towards my socks, "I'm sorry Esme."
"It's okay-"
"It's not." I look back at her face, god how can she look at me with such kind eyes,
"Mare, I understand-"
"No, you don't." I scoot back on the bed and bring my knees up to my chest, "Why am I here?"
"What do you mean luv?" I feel the lump move up my throat until it's suddenly in my eyes and I'm crying...again. God, how can someone cry this much?
"Why am I here? A month ago I was reading a book about a stupid girl who fell in love with a vampire and now suddenly here I am...I didn't ask for this, I didn't want this so..why am I here?" I use my sleeve to wipe at my eyes, "I don't want to be here."
"Where would you like to be?" Esme asks, tilting her head slightly to the side, and I feel the sadness and tears turn into pure anger,
"Where do you think?" I shout, "Obviously not back with my mom," I laugh realizing I don't know how much Esme knows, did Edward tell her everything when I wasn't awake, does she know about...I swallow and Esme steps very tentatively toward me,
"Where would you like to go, Mare sweetheart if it's not with us then wh-"
"How much do you know?" I cut her off. She looks taken aback for just a second and then quickly fixes herself, her gentle and kind features falling back in place,
"I don't know much, just enough to know what happened that night."
"Then you know she hit me," I laugh again, "My own mother, got into her car drunk after she put her hands around my neck and squeezed as hard as she could...I'M ON LIFE SUPPORT BACK HOME, WHAT MOTHER DOES THAT?" I shout but Esme doesn't move, she doesn't even reach to touch me,
"Not a happy one." She finally whispers after a bit,
"You're right." I place my forehead on my knees and take a breath before looking back towards her "She never wanted to be a mom." When Esme doesn't say anything I look up at her,
"Sometimes these things don't happen and sometimes they do," She's careful with her words, "But I'm sure she was happy when-"
"No," I cut her off harshly, lord help me for the things I'm about to tell Esme. Good and gentle, kind Esme, "I'm a rape baby." This time her face falls and it's like the imaginary veil she always wears disappears completely, "My mother didn't want me, she didn't even want kids, she was raped walking home from the library one night. She wanted an abortion but my grandparents refused." It's almost like I'm sitting in that hospital bed all over again as my mom tells me the horrific details of my contraception.
"Mare." Esme's mouth moves clumsily as she searches for the right words to say, but there are no right words... there's not even words.
"She had to have a c-section too, so not only did I ruin her life, but I ruined her body. She hated me."
"Mare, even then I don't think she hated you-"
"How can you love something that reminds you of the worst night of your life?" I whisper not knowing the answer to my own question,
"Because," Esme steps closer until she sits on the bed and reaches forward to push my hair behind my ear, "Once that baby is in your hands, you forget everything." She sighs and leans back looking down at her hands, "You forget about all the bad, the way they hit you or called you names. The way they insisted on getting their way every single time or the way when something wasn't right, dinner or the cleaning, how they would throw a fit, first breaking objects like plates or the walls and eventually you. The way they would hold you down and force you to endure what they wanted every single night..." Esme trails off and I feel all anger leave my body in that moment.
"Esme?" She turns towards me her eyes haunting...because they're full of pain...I know those eyes...I know that pain.
"Once that baby is in your hands...even though the start of their life was horrible and violent, they didn't do anything, and you can't hate them...you can dislike things like maybe that their eyes remind you of them or their nose, but in the end...Mare you didn't do anything and I don't think your mother hated you...I know she didn't, because I didn't hate my baby." I take a breath feeling tears on my cheeks once again,
"Your baby?" Esme nods reaching forward to grab my hand,
"My baby." She confirms, "When I was human I was married." I feel my mouth open because I've never been able to imagine Esme being married to anyone but Carlisle,
"You had a husband before.." She nods,
"I always wanted to be a teacher, but my parents wanted me to settle down, back then married women couldn't work so marriage was basically like giving up your dreams, and because I wanted to please them I did." I take a slow breath,
"He wasn't nice?" I ask, she shakes her head
"No, he wasn't. Right after the wedding, he got violent, I told my parents but like most women, I was told to keep my home life private. Appearances were so important back then. A woman could have been beaten every night, but gone out the next morning with a long sleeve dress and a smile on her face and you would never know...I was one of those women." I remember weeks ago sitting In Carlisle's car eating ice cream as he talked about his life and marrying Esme, but I also remember him refusing to tell me anything about her life before he turned her because it wasn't his story...I see why now.
"What happened to him?" I ask carefully,
"He was drafted and it was the best part of my married life...but he came back..no different..maybe a bit more violent...I blamed the war and the things he's seen, but he backed off a bit after we found out I was pregnant."
"You're baby?"
"My baby"
"Same circumstance?" I ask as more tears cascade does my cheeks to collect at my chin, Esme reaches down to grab a tissue and then forward to wipe them away,
"Almost, I knew my attacker," My lips wobbles, how could I have been so mean to her? "but, when I gave birth and held my baby...it was like nothing mattered." She throws the tissue away and stares into my eyes, "Mare, I loved him, more than anything in the world. He wasn't made with love or romance but he was mine and I loved him, and your mother loved you." I shake my head,
"She drank," I admit, "She drank a lot,"
"She was hurting." I release a sob, because everyone says that, but...
"Did you drink?" Esme bits her lip, "You don't have to answer." I sniffle reaching for another tissue to wipe my nose, before looking at her face...it's sad.
"My baby died." I open my mouth, but no words come out... "When my baby died, I wanted to die."
"You...Esme.."
"Please believe me, Mare...I don't know what's going on back..where ever you've come from, but I know you're not with your mom and honestly, I'm very happy about that, but I also know that your mother probably wishes she was dead right now." I bite my cheeks,
"Sometimes I wish was too." Esme grabs my arm and squeezes hard,
"No, you don't. You're a good girl, Marceline Cullen, you're a kind sweet girl and I'm so glad that in this time that you've been here you're mine." I take a shaky breath,
"I've never felt wanted," I confess,
"I want you, I want you so very badly." Now we're hugging, her arms around me and holding me with gentle force and I find myself hugging her fiercely back. We stay like that for a while until she pulls me back and looks me in the eyes with a serious expression,
"I'm serious Mare, You're mother loved you and I love you, but if you don't want to be here...I love you enough to let you go." That does it and now once again I'm sobbing, loud painful sobs just like in Edward's car and then later in this room in Edward's arms, I've cried more these last few days than I think I ever had in my life. Esme pulls me close and forces my head down into her lap, her hands smoothing my hair away from my forehead. She's patient letting me cry my heart out, my tears soaking her jeans, but I don't think she cares.
It's over twenty minutes later when I've cried myself out, my body exhausted and limp. Esme has moved us both into the middle of the bed, her back resting against the headboard with her legs out in front of her, my head still in her lap and the rest of my body curled around her. Her hands play with my hair, her manicured fingers lightly scratch my scalp.
"I don't want to go." I rasp out, my eyes already starting to close. Esme's hands stall for just a moment before moving again,
"That makes me very happy." She sighs sounding relieved. "This is your home and I want you to stay." I sniffle, quickly wiping my nose with my sleeve,
"I'm sorry about your baby," I whisper,
"I'm sorry about your mother." I swallow and turn my head just enough to look at her,
"What was their name." She looks down at me, a small curve on her lips,
"Joseph." I turn back,
"That's a very nice name." Her nails feel good on my head and I sigh, "I like it a lot,"
"Thank you, Mare." She takes a breath, "What was your mother's name?"
"Sarah" I force out, "Sarah Callahan." Her fingers stall,
"Was Callahan your last name too." I nod and her fingers start moving again, "It seems your initials were always meant to be MC," She quips
"One time she stopped drinking, she did that a lot, but one time she actually lasted over a month. I don't know what happened but she started again...when I broke my ankle it was because she was drunk." I've never told this story and the words feel heavy on my tongue. "I wanted her to come to the rink to watch my new routine, but she said no...I said things I shouldn't have to her. She demanded an apology, but I told her no and started to leave, we lived on the third floor and...I don't remember really what happened but she pushed me." I still remember the feeling of her hands on my back, "I think I fell at a funny angle, but... She felt bad about it, every time something like that happened she felt bad. The first few times she hurt me she would always make me pour her bottles down the sink and swear she would never drink again, but then she would...but that time...she didn't do anything..I think she realized she could never stop." I still remember the day when I finally got home from the hospital. I was waiting for the official "getting rid of all the alcohol in the house" ritual, but instead she told me to go to my room and get comfortable. "I think she had really given up that time." Esme's quiet for a minute,
"Marceline," Esme's hands stop and grab my shoulders motioning me to sit up so she can place her hands under my jaw, "You understand that none of that is your fault correct?" She stresses, her voice strict "You are a child and she is the adult, it is not your job to worry about her, it's her job to worry about you and most importantly keep you safe, and unfortunately, she wasn't able to do that, but it's still not for you to fix, please tell me you understand that." With my head in her hands, I can't nod, so instead I find my voice
"I think I do." She reaches forward and kisses my forehead,
"I'm going to reinforce that into this pretty head of yours until you don't have to think, you just know." She lowers me back down into her lap and again starts running her fingers through my hair,
"Esme?"
"Mmmm?" She muses,
"When I left..." I trail off,
"Yes?" She asks carefully,
"I saw my mom and..she looked good...sober."
"That's good." She sounds happy,
"I don't think she had a choice this time."
"Sometimes we all need help, honey. Sometimes not having a choice is the best thing for us." I feel a surge in my heart,
"I hope she finds happiness without me there."
"Shhhhhh, just relax Mare," Her hands glide through my strands while her nails massage my scalp the gesture is so soothing, I find my whole body melting and my eyes closing. I think I've cried myself out and sleep sneaks up on me.
….
BONUS SCENE
Carlisle gets home late, he was supposed to be off at 10, but a three-car pileup came into the Emergency department and he unintentionally got caught up in the chaos. On the plus side, Chief Swan ended up showing up to take statements and the two got a chance to talk. Charlie askes about Mare and Carlisle thought it the perfect time to talk her up considering the fact that Charlie was absolutely convinced she was high the night she showed up. In return Carlisle asks about Bella, the conversation awkward for Carlisle considering the things he knows, his thoughts drifting to the book tucked away in a drawer in his office. He keeps himself in check so as not to let on to the Chief. Apparently Bella's good, and he's going to visit her a little after Christmas, he mentions that Bella's the same age as some of his kids, and Carlisle nods with a smile on his face,
"They grow up so quickly don't they?"
"That they do, well tell your wife, I say hi, tell that youngest one to stay out of trouble,"
"I promise you chief, there will be no problems there."
By the time Carlisle leaves the hospital it's around 1:00, the kids will be coming home in a few hours and hopefully, Esme and Mare are fairing well, hopefully, Esme's gotten some lunch in her. In all honesty, he doesn't exactly know what to expect when he gets home, but one thing her wasn't expecting was to see Mare curled up in Esme's lap, completely asleep, Esme playing with the dark strands of Mare's hair. Carlisle can't help but smile at the site. It's been days since Mare's gotten good sleep, her body constantly tossing and turning, her mind plagued with thoughts and feelings. He knows she hasn't had it easy and honestly, it tears him apart inside. If you had told him two months ago a human child would wiggle her way into his heart he would have told you there was no way. A human living among vampires could never happen, but here they are. He loves that little girl and the day she disappeared in his own arms nonetheless, was one of the worst days of his life. The whole family was devastated and although Carlisle couldn't show it, he was too. He called out to work, something he's only done five times in his whole existence, he still remembers sitting in his office, Mare's picture for her passport in his hands as he lightly thumbed over her face...he physically hurt and he never wants to physically hurt like that again,
"You're home," Esme whispers from the bed, her eyes still glued to the sleeping teenager's face,
"Mi dispiace amore mio." He whispers back stepping into the room and placing his blazer on one of the chairs pulled up to the bed, "You two look comfortable." He points out,
"Mmmmm." Esme just musses, her hands brushing the bangs back from the teen's face. Carlisle takes a closer look at the girl's face. Her cheeks are slightly flushed, not like a fever, but just a bit pinker than normal, her eyes puffy, and her nose is dry,
"She's been crying." He states turning to his wife, who has a sad expression in her eyes,
"Carlisle I want us to change the plan." Carlisle tilts his head a bit. The plan?
"Which one, my love."
"I know you wanted to wait a bit to ask her but I think we should do it sooner. I know we still have the Volturi trip to figure out but I think we should do it before the end of the year maybe Christmas. "
"That plan," Carlisle confirms. It was something he and Esme discussed days before Mare left them, something they both agreed on and for once decided against putting it to a family vote, although he knew they would all agree, but this wasn't something for the whole family to know about, it was something just for Carlisle and Esme.
"She doesn't feel wanted, she's never felt wanted." Carlisle nods, he felt like maybe that's how she felt, but didn't want to ever bring it up with her, he wanted her to go to him...when she was ready of course.
"She doesn't know how wanted she is," Carlisle adds, once again looking down at the teen's face. He knows deep down he should get her lying on her back with a few pillows propped under her back. Her lungs are still too congested for his liking, but...he'll let them both have this for a bit longer.
"She told me some things today." Carlisle lifts a blonde brow and turns towards his wife,
"Did she?" Esme nods, not once has she taken her eyes off of Mare.
"I told her some things too...past things." This is even more shocking to Carlisle. Esme does not talk about her past...it's just too painful for her. The few times she did, it left her withdrawn and quiet. Each time Carlisle ended up holding her for hours in their darkened bedroom, no words being exchanged between the two until Esme initiated it. One time she went days before speaking again, and Carlisle held her the whole time, but here she is. She's up and talking...she seems strong and Carlisle realizes it's because she has someone to be strong for, because in this moment it shouldn't have to be Mare.
"How are you feeling la luce della mia vita?" Carlisle asks carefully,
"I feel.." Esme thinks for a second, "heartbroken, but not for me." Carlisle lowers himself to sit on the bed facing the two. He reaches forward placing a hand on Esme's leg, it's a simple gesture to say "I'm here."
"For Mare then?" She nods,
"She's a product of rape." This catches Carlisle off guard. Out of everything he expected her to say, it wasn't that, but it makes sense. The night he brought her back, the night she was crying and asking to be left alone...to die. Edward took control over her words, telling her to tell him everything, she did and it left him on the floor. Carlisle remembers bending down and asking Edward what he had heard and if he was alright. He just sat on the floor trying to control his shaking hands, he told him some things but then said,
"Carlisle I can't...I can't tell you, she has to be the one to say it...I can't do it."
This must be one of the things he was talking about...but now that he thinks about it, it makes a little sense. He knew Mare's mother was abusive, that she had laid hands on her child, it was evident in the way Mare bristled when he hugged her or when she would flinch when he would raise his hand, or when she would do something wrong and would start apologizing and as if...they were going to yell at her...it broke his heart. He wondered how a mother could do that...maybe because the mother never wanted to be a mother..maybe she didn't know how.
"She also said her mother drinks." That would also explain it... a woman in pain, drinking to numb everything.
"I'm afraid our Marceline has been through too much in her 14 years."
"It makes so much sense Carlisle." Esme finally looks up to her husband, "The way she acts, so independent, yet so afraid...I refuse to let her live like that again." Carlisle nods,
"Esme I promise you as long as I'm on this planet, Mare will never have to worry about how much she's loved or being treated like she was."
"You mean us, as long as the two of us are on this planet." Carlisle smiles at her and reaches forward to lightly caress his wife's cheek,
"Us." Esme smiles and leans into his touch, "She still loves her mother...I don't know how to feel about it...I don't hate the woman, but...some people shouldn't be parents."
"I don't believe she wanted to be one." Esme nods sadly,
"That's what Mare said," She takes a breath and looks up at her husband, "The plan?"
"I'll have Alice contact J. Jenks and have the papers signed up."
"Good." She looks back down to the teen, her fingers never stopping their trek through her hair, "I think we should give them to her on Christmas."
"Alright." Carlisle agrees, "We'll ask her if we can adopt her on Christmas."
"Perfect."