July 12th 1996

'Unk Eddie very sad?' Astrid sat in the butlers, retired butlers, lap. She gently stroked his grey hair back from his temple, stretching to do so. He could only nod. His Ana, his beautiful Ana, gone. The world seemed grey and lifeless even though the sun rose as usual on a day without her in it. The gentle touch of the little girl began to undo his years of stiff upper lip, his quintessential britishness. The sob rolled up his chest before he could stop it, breaking from him in a way that physically hurt. Hot tears flooded down his cheeks, and Astrid snuggled herself into his chest, patting him slowly 'is okay cry. Sassa's here'
It was what her father said when he held her in her tears. "it's okay to cry sweet pea. Daddy's here. You cry all you need"
Of course she didn't want her favourite elderly man to cry, but she knew something had changed. Everyone in the house looked sad, the Jarvis house was quiet, without the humming and music that usually filled it. Ana wasn't there, and she didn't yet know why. She would find out, but she sensed it was not the time to ask.

'Oh, Jarvis' Aunt Peggy sat beside them, her hand gently resting on his arm 'I'm so sorry'

Again all Edwin could muster was a nod. The steady rhythm of the patting hand on his chest seemed to line up with the beats of his aching heart, both encouraging and soothing him in the one little motion.

'Do you want me to take her?' Peggy offered, thinking perhaps the deeply repressed man might wish to take his grief elsewhere, regain his privacy, but he shook his head, tightening his own grip on his youngest ward just a little 'can I bring you something? tea?'

'Tea' he croaked, with a small nod 'please'
For a long while they were left alone, Tony making arrangements on his behalf- insisting he take care of what was necessary, Peggy bustling in the kitchen- perhaps checking he would have a meal, James retrieving documents from the study- last wills, wishes and all kinds of paperwork. Even though he felt as though he might never be able to stop, his tears did begin to ease. The little hand still pat his chest, and he slowly became aware of her humming. Even more slowly, the recognition of the soft Hungarian lullaby Ana would sing to her seeped into his mind.
'Astrid, darling girl, I need to tell you something'

Her humming stopped and she pushed off his chest, looking up with worry 'Ana?'

'About Ana darling, yes' he nodded, a tear escaping 'Ana has died'

She looked confused, her nose scrunching as she turned the new word in her mind 'Died?'

Of course the little girl had no idea of the concept yet. She was still months from 2, and death was such a broad subject for a young mind. 'It means that her body isn't alive anymore. When people get old, like Ana and I, their bodies don't work as well as they used to, and eventually we die. It's not a scary thing, but it is a sad thing. Do you understand?'

'Undersand' she nodded slowly, processing 'no more Ana? Gone?'

The succinct question seeking confirmation reminded him so much of her father and grandfather- always boiling down to essentials 'yes, Darling, Ana is gone. But I want you to remember that she loves you very much. Will you remember that for me? You made Ana so very happy'

'I love Ana much' she nodded, and Jarvis began to weep again. Her warm hands cupped his cheeks 'I love Eddie much'

'I love you too, little darling' he managed, and Peggy appeared with a laden tea tray. The absence of Ana's favourite cup drew a pained sob and he covered his face with his hand.

Astrid turned her face to Peggy, tears on her cheeks 'Ana gone'

Peggy could only nod and watch as she put her face into Edwin's shoulder and cried quietly with him.

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'Daddy?'

He'd thought she was asleep. Peggy had told him of the emotional scene, her new understanding of death, the gentle way she had handled Jarvis in his grief without the usual abruptness of a small child. How she was understanding, empathetic in her own sadness. It was something he hadn't imagined explaining to her yet, if he was honest with himself he hadn't even considered that Ana or Edwin might be nearing their final years.

'Yes, Sweet pea?'

'Ana is gone' she said it emphatically, and when he looked at her in the rear view mirror she was looking at him seriously 'She died'

'I know' he nodded, eyes flicking between her and the road 'everything, everyone, that lives, dies someday baby'

'Daddy' her lip trembled 'I have a mommy? Mommy died?'

He pulled over, leaning back to unbuckle her harness and lifting her into the front seat with him 'You had a mommy, darling. Everyone has a mommy. I had a mommy'

'Mommy died?' she repeated, always seeking the answers.

'I'm sorry sweet-pea, yes. Your mommy died. You were in her belly growing, and she was sick. The kind of sick you can't get better from. Mommy had a... a thing called cancer. In her brain' he touched his head 'and she died when you were a tiny baby, and that's when you came to daddy'

'Daddy love mommy?' it was innocent, trying to piece together the story. Jarvis had loved Ana. It made sense to her.

For now, he told himself that the slight exaggeration of the reality was acceptable. She wasn't even 2. He couldn't explain that he was a man whore and what a one night stand was. 'I loved her very much. I love her so much for bringing you into the world'

'Cancer a germ?' she knew what germs were, he'd explained last time she got a cold. She'd been a diligent hand washer ever since.

'Kind of. It's a cell that mutates- it changes and becomes dangerous, and starts to attack our bodies, inside' he explained as simply as he could

'died is sad' she said quietly

'It is' a quiet agreement 'I'm sorry you have to know, and feel the sadness darling'

'what happen when died?' back to the endless curiosity

'No-one really knows' he knew this would be an ongoing question now. Not knowing, was not an option to her.

'Daddy no die?' she looked up at him with sudden fear 'Unk Eddie said olddied. Mommy old?'

'All things that live, will die. Most things, and people, will die when they're very old. Sometimes, people die when they're younger. But not all the time. Only if they get bad sicknesses, or have big accidents. Daddy isn't going to die any time soon, okay? I'm going to be here with you until I'm so old I have a big long grey beard like Grandfather Time in your book' he tried to reassure her, tried to comfort her. the rush of a new abstract that couldn't be defined, controlled, or truly understood had to be boggling her mind.

She let out a soft giggle at the mental image of her daddy old with a big long beard 'Prom...promise?' it was a newer word to her vocabulary, one that had come from the bedtime stories. More and more often he was stopped mid-story to explain what a word meant. Ruined the flow of his play acting, but he loved that she needed to know so intently.

'I promise sweet-pea' he kissed her little forehead softly 'I know there's lots of questions in your clever little mind. Do you think we can get home and we can talk about them?'

'Yes' she nodded, touching his cheek gently 'Sassa loves daddy'

'Daddy loves Sassa to the moon and back' he hugged her tightly for a few moments 'You climb on back there and I'll buckle you in'

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'Daddy?'

Tony looked up from his work bench. She should have been asleep hours ago. She was asleep hours ago. She had made her way down 3 sets of stairs, past Rhodey working in the lounge, and pushed open the heavy glass door to get to him. She was carrying the doll the Jarvis's had given her for her birthday. The fact that she remembered blew him away.'You found me'

He watched her bottom lip tremble, and he dropped everything he was doing to sweep her into his arms. 'Oh, my little love. What's wrong?'

'Daddy bedtime please' she clung to him, already shy about showing her tears 'I sleep Daddy's bed'

It was a statement, not a question, though even if it was a question the answer would have been yes 'Okay sweet-pea, you can sleep with me tonight. Let's go to bed?'

Astrid nodded against his shoulder. She was exhausted, he could tell just in the way she leaned into him. The events of the day, the glut of information, the sheer weight of emotion, all was overwhelming his little girl.

And she came to find him. Walking past- sneaking past- her beloved Unkaja, to get to her daddy. His heart ached for her, he wished she didn't have to, or need to know any of this. Maybe he should have called one of the nannies in for the day. But he had thought that her presence would ease some of the grief and no-one had said anything when he arrived with her in tow. fuck. Had he really monumentally screwed up? He would have had to tell her over the next few days anyway.

Her quiet snuffle into his shirt told him she was asleep. He hadn't even reached the lounge room yet.

'Some defence force' he raised a brow mockingly at Rhodey 'can't even catch a baby on the loose'

'How'd she manage that?' he walked over quietly 'nah you snuck her down somehow'

'You think I got my kid out of bed to shit stir you?' he chuckled quietly 'C'mon, think at least a little higher of me'

'She must have got past when I went to the bathroom' he brushed his hand over her wild hair and kissed her crown 'she okay?'

'I think the day has overwhelmed that ever curious brain'

'its overwhelmed my full grown brain, I don't blame her. You okay?' his eyes scanned over his friends face

'Yeah. You?'

'Yeah'

'She asked to sleep with me, so I'm going to bed now too. Don't stay up too late, Unka' he smiled at the nickname lovingly bestowed by the little girls inability to say ''Uncle James'' when she was first learning. He wondered occasionally if it would stick, or if one day, he would be Uncle James. Just like he'd probably be Dad. now sweet little 'daddy' anymore.

'I'm not far behind' he nodded 'grab me if you need anything'

'Ditto, Rhodey' he pat his shoulder, gave him a small smile and continued upstairs.

Bedtime.