There You'll Be

When Clay woke up, the spot where Logan had lain was deserted, although the sheets were still warm. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and glanced around the bedroom. Nothing about the room itself had changed since they left for Raleigh, but Sara's picture drew his gaze practically subconsciously. In the candid shot, she sat curled up in a garden deckchair, her chin propped on one of her hands, and a thoughtful glint in her twinkling hazel eyes, gazing into the distance. This framed snapshot was a blown-up version of just that expression, constantly reminding Clay of how he'd always felt she could solve any of his problems.

"Time travel would be great right about now, angel," he sighed, stroking the glass shielding the photograph with a finger. "Everything's a mess." Suddenly, he heard Logan's voice drifting across the hall from his bedroom and got up to investigate. "What are you up to, Wolverine?" he asked, peering into his son's room. The eight-year-old sat on his bed with Clay's laptop balanced on his knees. "The cuddle wasn't good enough for you? I'm insulted." Stepping into the room, Clay suddenly realized that Logan had looked up with an entirely too guilty expression on his face. "Okay, seriously, buddy, what are you doing over here?"

"He's following Mom's orders, seeing as we both know you wouldn't have called," said a stern but caring female voice, and Clay froze.

"Oh Logan, tell me you didn't," he groaned and sat down beside his son so that he could see the computer screen.

Sure enough, his older sister Lily gave him a pixelated grimace of sympathy. "Hi, ducky," she said softly; "Logan told me everything; don't even think about getting mad at him for it. You have got to stop holding out on me, honey." The redhead smiled fondly at Logan; "You did good, kiddo. Do you think you could give me a minute alone with your dad?" Logan obligingly blew her a kiss and walked out, looking rather proud of his initiative; Clay noticed.

When he looked into Lily's eyes on the screen, the look on her face was enough to send the control of his emotions out the window. "Please stop looking at me like that," he begged feebly, unsurprised when she shook her head. "God, Flo, how do you even do that?"

"How am I looking at you, sweets?" Lily challenged. "I don't think there's anything special about it. I can't help my face, you know."

"Your face is perfect," Clay sighed. "Your distance is the problem right now."

"The last few times I've come home have been for tragic reasons," said Lily thoughtfully. "I'm really sorry about the baby."

"Straight to the point, I see. That's so you." Clay forced a deep breath around the lump swelling in his throat. "I thought that the first Christmas after Sara died was rock bottom. This one is trying to take the cake."

Even in the blurred image, Lily could see her brother struggling not to fall apart. "It's okay to cry, ducky," she said gently. "I'm guessing you've said that to Quinn a hundred times since it happened. It's time for you to stop being so brave now. I love you."

"I really wanted this baby, Flo," he said quaveringly. "I mean, it couldn't make up for abandoning Logan, but…I needed this to prove to myself that I could somehow not be a lousy father, too. It's not fair."

"Of course, it's not fair," Lily agreed sadly. "But I thought you had moved past the issues with Logan? He worships you, Clay. You know that."

"He thought Quinn getting pregnant meant we were going to replace him," Clay pointed out dully. "It's completely my fault he'd even get that idea. You can't argue with that one, can you?"

"I can, actually," said Lily smoothly. "Is the bedroom door open?" When Clay nodded in confusion, his sister raised her voice. "Wolverine, get back in here!"

Clay stared in amazement when Logan came bounding in as if he had been outside the whole time. "So much for privacy," he said with a strained smile, but Logan glanced solemnly at the computer screen.

"What's up, Aunt Lily?" he asked. "Wolverine reporting for duty." He saluted her with a smile, and Lily giggled affectionately.

"I have a critical mission for you, kid," she told him, and Logan tilted his head curiously. "Give your dad a huge big hug from me right now."

"That's it? You fail at the concept of missions, Aunt Lily. That's too easy." Lily made a face at him, and Logan glanced sideways at Clay instead. "Then again, maybe easy is a good thing." Clay was shaking as he placed the laptop beside him on the bed, leaving his knees free for Logan. "You okay, Daddy?"

"No," Clay admitted, squeezing his son hard: "but I think I will be. Just stick around, okay?"

"Dad, I'm eight," Logan reminded him. "I'm not running away tomorrow or something. I'm always here."

"This time, I will be, too," Clay swore. "You never have to worry about me disappearing again, I promise."

"I wasn't worried," Logan smiled faintly. "Not anymore, anyway…I know we're going to be fine." He bit back his worries about Quinn's recent habit of lashing out, sensing that his father needed reassurance and space to be sad. He gave Lily a thumbs-up behind Clay's back just before she ended the video chat with another proud smile. "I'm tougher than you think, Dad."

"Oh, I know you are," said Clay fervently. "It's myself I'm worried about. You'll just have to stay trapped right here for the rest of your life."

"You're funny," said Logan sarcastically, but where he usually would have wriggled out of the embrace, this time he stayed put. To live up to the promise he had made his grandmother, now that they had spoken to Lily, he would let Clay hang on to him as long as necessary. Father and son sat in silence for a few minutes, locked in a comforting embrace, but each lost in their thoughts. "We should tell Nana we talked to Aunt Lily," Logan suggested. "You always let her worry; it's not very nice."

"Well, that's very adult of you," said Clay, hating that his son was right. "You're right; it's hard to let her see how bad it sometimes gets. It's hard to let anyone see, for that matter."

"Dad, you can't shut everybody out this time," his son said seriously. "You know nobody's going to let that happen, right? That's why Aunt Haley reminded me to come home, you know."

"You came home to babysit me?" Clay groaned; "Now I really have hit rock bottom."

"You haven't, and you won't," Logan insisted. "I won't let that happen. Wolverine has healing powers, you know." Before Clay could respond, his cell phone began to vibrate where it lay abandoned in the middle of Logan's bed. The eight-year-old lunged for it before Clay could reach and picked it up quickly. "It's Mom," he said quietly and handed the phone to his father without answering it. Clay frowned as Logan walked stiffly out of the room but answered the call anyway.

"Clay, are you there?" Quinn's voice was still hoarse from the time she'd spent in tears recently; he couldn't help but notice.

"Yeah, I'm here," he said quickly. "Sorry, Logan saw the phone ringing, but when he saw it was you, he just…froze."

"I really screwed up with him," sighed Quinn. "Do you think he'll ever forgive me? You know I didn't really mean what I said in Raleigh."

"You sound like me now," Clay remarked dryly. "He seems to have forgiven me for leaving him for five years; I'm sure you'll be fine eventually." Clay spotted Logan peering into the room and watching him. Suddenly, this phone call felt like a delicate tether holding their family together. "Are you feeling better now?" he asked, consciously softening his tone. "I hope the girls helped as much as you thought they would. You know I did my best, right?"

"Honey, my needing my sisters has nothing to do with your comforting skills," Quinn told him, horrified at the idea. "You were so brave last night. I'm actually just calling to make sure we're okay. I know Nathan and Haley sent Logan home, but I was worried you might still be mad at me."

"I can never be seriously mad at you, Q," he said softly. "I'm just worried about our whole family right now; it's kind of a mess."

"I'll fix things with Logan, I promise," Quinn told him solemnly. "Hey, did you talk to Lily eventually? I feel like I wrenched you away from your mom on top of everything else; I feel terrible."

"Babe, stop," he begged; "Yes, I talked to Lily, and it was as miserable as expected, but we wouldn't have stayed on in Raleigh after what happened anyway. My mom is used to being alone and worrying about me; it's practically in her blood. Needing to leave was not your fault, okay?"

"I love you, you know that?" she whispered, and he clutched the phone a little tighter.

"I was kind of hoping," he replied, the exchange taking them back to happier times when she had been the one helping him earn Logan's trust. "We're gonna be okay, Q. Please come home soon?"

"I will," she promised. "I'm just spending some time with Lydia right now; she's so cute, it helps to take my mind off everything."

"She's proving her James girl genes already, then," he said, smiling faintly when Logan finally stopped spying from the doorway and came to lean against his shoulder again. "I love you, Quinn." Her pain echoed in his ears long after he hung up the call, and Clay stared into Logan's worried eyes, wondering how balance could be restored to their fractured world.

Quinn came out of the Scott mansion's guest bedroom when she finished on the phone, and the first thing she saw was Taylor stretching out luxuriously on the couch. "How's everything at home?" asked her older sister. "You totally made my lap go numb, Quinnie-Bear."

"Sorry," Quinn mumbled distractedly, turning her cell phone over and over in her hand. "Apparently, I broke your lap and my family."

"What does that mean?" Taylor frowned, getting laboriously to her feet and moving toward Quinn, who stood at the foot of the stairs to the upper floor, shaking. "Did Clay say something? Miscarriage or not, I can take him down!"

"Tay, chill out." Quinn shook her head but didn't smile at her sister's dramatic declaration. "He didn't have to say anything; I screwed up the minute I said that Logan's not my son. That's the worst thing it's possible to say to that kid, and I went and did it."

"Quinnie, come on. Kids are way forgiving. I say stupid things to our nephews and nieces all the time, but they love me anyway. Didn't you even wear that power ring Logan gave you to the first ultrasound last week?"

Instantly, Taylor knew she had said the wrong thing when tears reappeared in her sister's pale blue eyes. "That ring used to feel like a lucky charm," Quinn told her shakily. "The magic must have worn off because I was wearing it this weekend and still lost everything."

"We're still here," Taylor told her, giving Quinn a tight hug to avoid saying anything else that might set her off. She couldn't help the relieved grimace when Haley finally came out of the kitchen. "Help me out here, Hales. I always say the wrong thing."

Their youngest sister placed a soothing hand on Quinn's shoulder. "Your doctor just called me when she couldn't reach your cell. She said they got the report of the miscarriage from the Raleigh hospital, and they want to see you over there as soon as possible. It must be protocol, I suppose, inter-hospital communication and all that."

"Thanks, Hales," Quinn mumbled. "Right now, it's communication in my marriage I'm worried about; I really made a mess of things." Haley and Taylor glanced at each other resolutely for a moment and then encircled their arms around Quinn as if their love could shield her from the torture of her guilty conscience. They stared at the green plastic power ring dangling from the chain around her neck when she sagged into the embrace, wishing it actually had the power to keep the devastated family together.

A/N All the angst, this may not technically be my best, but I've had kind of an anxious week, so a lot of projection went into this one. Enjoy all! xx