A/N: This takes places early on between seasons 2-3. It's quite angsty and dark, dealing with Deeks' past. Densimber Day 21.
"So these are your old stomping grounds, huh?" Kensi asked, walking beside Deeks. He felt her watching him, clearly scrutinizing his reaction to being "home" again.
"Yup. Home sweet home," Deeks drawled. He observed the broken down playground down the street. His own childhood home was a few miles from here and he was sure it hadn't improved with time. "Not my favorite place to be."
For all the cases he'd have over the years, he'd somehow avoided exploring too much of his former life. Neither one of his homes brought the best of memories, although the house where he'd lived alone with his mom was significantly better than with his dad. Even if they had less and his mom worked two jobs.
"It doesn't look so bad." Deeks slanted Kensi a look, surprised at her forced positivity. He'd expected derision and joked at his expense. Enough people had found the idea of him living in the rougher part of LA to be amusing and yet another sign of his inferiority.
"Yeah, if you like gangs and rampant poverty, it was delightful."
"Oh come on, Deeks," Kensi said, stopping and nudging his shoulder until he looked in her direction. "You have to have some good memories. Where's my always-a-silver-lining partner at?"
Deeks rolled his eyes at Kensi's wheedling tone. For whatever reason, she seemed determined to make this a semi-positive experience.
"Fine. Whenever we had time and money, my we'd go to this little shop in town and get ice cream," Deeks finally shared. "The owner had a soft spot for us for some reason so he'd always give me an extra scoop or extra toppings. I think he had to close down a few years ago, but he was a good guy."
"See, and I'm sure there's a bunch of other things that made up for all the crappy things."
Deeks tilted his head, silently acknowledging her point. They continued on their way, picking their way around overgrown weeds and spare trash cans.
"Hey, Martin Deeks?"
Deeks paused, recognizing the gruff voice, but not immediately connecting it with a face. He turned his head in time to see an older guy stand up from his rickety front porch and head their way as Kensi eyed him curiously.
"That is you," the man said, sounding faintly surprised and Deeks saw past the grayed beard and wrinkles that hadn't been there 20 or so years ago.
"Bill." Deeks said tightly, instantly on alert as Bill Langen, better known as Big Bill to his friends, stopped directly in front of them. Kensi stayed silent, just observing for the moment, and Deeks was glad.
"Damn. It's gotta be 20 years since I seen you kid, but damn if you don't look exactly the same." Bill chuckled meanly, glancing at Kensi for apparently approval. "Never would cut that mop off. Though if remember, your dad gave it a good try."
Nostrils flaring slightly at the return of memories he would rather leave far in the past, Deeks clenched his teeth so hard they hurt.
"Can I help you, Billie?" he asked, hiding his feelings for the man behind a polite tone. Even so, he noticed Bill grimace at the nickname.
"Naw, kid. I don't need your help," Bill said and glanced at Kensi again. "Who's your pretty friend?" He leaned forward by less than an inch but Deeks immediately stiffened, positioning himself in front of Kensi.
"Kensi Blye," Kensi answered, holding out her hand, which Bill hung onto for several seconds too long.
"Mm. Your dad had a thing for brunettes too," he said, licking his lips obscenely. "Me too."
"Back off, Billie, she's a federal agent." He knew that Kensi didn't need him to defend her, but he hated the thought of Bill getting close to her in any way.
"Ooh fancy. I bet you could teach me a thing or two, couldn't you little lady?"
"Only if you want to knocked on your ass," Kensi said pleasantly. Bill's eyes widened slightly in surprise, but he didn't show any fear, just laughing again.
"Seeing you reminds me of old times," he sighed, giving a lopsided grin that showed off his stained teeth. "How's your Mom? Now there's a woman who knew how to party."
"Don't you dare talk about my mother," Deeks snapped, grabbing the front of Bill's shirt, anger racing through him.
"Oh, look at you," Bill taunted, eyes gleaming. The smell of stale alcohol made Deeks' stomach turn, bringing with it another wave of awful memories. "Gonna shoot me like you did Gordon? What kind of son shoots his own father, huh? And all for a whore-"
Deeks had his fist raised before he even realized it, prepared to punch Bill as hard as he possibly could.
"Deeks, don't!" Kensi ordered sharply just before he swung. Her hand clamped firmly on his arm, holding him back. If he wanted to, he knew he could break free. Glancing at Bill, he saw fear in his eyes. "You know he's not worth it," Kensi continued softly. "Let him go."
Reluctantly, Deeks lowered his fist, pushing Bill back roughly as he let go. Bill stumbled back a couple steps before he recovered his footing and glared at Deeks, straightening his wrinkled collar.
"You better watch your back," he threatened, giving them both a dark look. He turned quickly, heading back to his porch, and muttering what sounded like curses under his breath.
Deeks let out a long breath, rubbing his jaw and wordlessly headed back towards the SUV. He was overwhelmed with a combination of rage and remembered fear.
Kensi said nothing as he slid into the passenger seat and cradled his head in his hands. He could practically hear her unspoken questions though.
"He was an old friend of my-of my dad's," he said eventually, looking down at his folded knees. "They we're both drunks and when they got together, it was like throwing a torch in a room soaked in gasoline. They spurred each other on and brought out each other's worst qualities."
"Did he hurt you?" The question is quiet, hesitant. He quickly shakes his head.
"No. He could be incredibly cruel and definitely threatened me a couple times, but, uh, no he never hurt me." That wasn't strictly true, but he already felt raw enough without bringing up the couple times Bill had backhanded him for perceived disrespect. Or just because he could.
"He got under your skin though," Kensi prompted carefully. "You don't react that way for just anyway."
Sighing, Deeks runs his hand over his jaw, and shakes his head.
"Billie Langen had a thing for my mom," he explained in a low voice. It made him sick to just think of it. "When I was really little, I just remember him flirting with her. After a while though, his comments started getting more…explicit. Crude. Mom tried not to be alone with him if she could."
"It just kept getting worse and then one day when I was about 9 or 10, I came home from hanging out with Ray. Dad and Billie were in the den and Billie had his arms around my Mom. Even then I could tell how scared she was."
"Oh my god," Kensi whispered. "What happened?"
"Mom was telling Billie to let her go, that it wasn't funny anymore, but he just kept going. Dad just laughed," Deeks said, pulling in a short breath. "I must have said something cause Billie saw me. I think it freaked him out, maybe he thought I would run and tell someone. Who knows. But he finally let her go and made up some excuse about needing to leave."
Kensi made a low sound and he chanced a glance her way, expecting to see disgust. Instead he found compassion. Licking his lips, he shrugged. Reaching across the console, Kensi covered his hand with her own, a hint of tears in her eyes.
"Deeks, I'm so sorry that happened to you," she said earnestly. "No one should have to experience something like that." He swallowed harshly, voice tinged with ancient memories.
"I promised myself then that I wouldn't ever let anyone hurt Mom again. That I would stand up for her if I needed to."
"Which is why you reacted so strongly when you saw him again. Especially after the comments he made about us." He shrugged at Kensi's astute observation and gave her a sad half smile.
"I guess old habits die hard," he said with a self-deprecating shrug.
"I think it's admirable to want to protect people," Kensi told him. "You're a good man, Marty Deeks. And your mom is lucky to have you."
Deeks felt his throat tighten at the unexpected compliment, the support when he'd expected censure.
"Thanks," he murmured and Kensi nodded, giving his hand another squeeze before she released him, and turned the key in the ignition.
"For you, Partner, anytime."