A/N: This is quite angsty.
Kensi blasted through a red light, ignoring the angry horns and shouts as other drivers swerved to avoid her. Her sole focus was on getting to Deeks.
She saw the smoke and debris, the throngs of injured and crying people wandering aimlessly far before she reached the apartment complex. The sight of them huddled together made her stomach sink.
Driving as close as she could, Kensi abandoned her SUV half a block from the scene and ran the rest of the way there. Blockades and yellow tape were already spread around in an attempt to keep people back. A thick haze of smoke and dust floated through the air, but as she drew closer, Kensi saw the extent of the damage to the building. Half of it was completely blown out, nothing but charged remains marking what once had been a half dozen apartments.
Just half an hour earlier, Kensi had been talking with a Portuguese contact when Fatima rushed into the room. Based on her expression alone, Kensi had immediately known that something was terribly wrong. In halting words, Fatima informed her that the building Sam, Callen, and Deeks had gone to investigate had exploded and there was no word on survivors.
There were countless police officers directing traffic and assisting the injured. Kensi stopped a passing officer, who gave her a harried look.
"Ma'am you need to get behind the yellow tape," he told her firmly.
"Agent Kensi Blye, I'm looking for my team Agents Deeks, Hanna, and Callen," Kensi demanded. "They were inside the building when the explosion occurred."
His expression shifted slightly to one of compassion, but there was still that underlying sense of urgency.
"I think one of your agents was helping pull people out earlier," he said, glancing around briefly. "Not sure where he ended up though. Best of luck finding them, but don't go inside. The infrastructure is too unstable."
He was off before Kensi could say anything else and she was left standing in the middle of the rubble. She selfishly prayed that Deeks was the one who made it out. And that Sam and Callen were somewhere else, helping out.
Taking a calming breath, Kensi surveyed the area again and started walking the perimeter. Along the way, she bandaged a woman with a deep cut to her arm and directed several more to EMTs after determining their injuries were beyond her skills.
She wiped her hands on her jeans, leaving dark streaks behind, staying. crouched on the ground. She took several deep breaths to hold back the tears that were threatening to come. She needed to get moving again or she'd go crazy thinking of every terrible scenario.
As Kensi stood, she saw a large group of people, and in the center, a familiar tall figure.
"Sam!" Kensi called out, running towards him. He glanced up at her shout, said something to the cop standing next to him, and met her in the middle.
There were smears of ash and dust on his clothes and a single cut on his left cheek, but otherwise he looked unharmed.
"Oh my god, I was so worried," she gasped, throwing her arms around him. "Fatima told me about the explosion."
"I'm ok, Kens," he assured her, giving her a long squeeze.
"Where are Deeks and Callen?"
"Callen's helping with casualties over there." He licked his lips, his face shuddering as he paused and Kensi's stomach sank.
"No. Sam, no," she whispered.
"I'm so sorry, Kensi," he said, fingers gentle on her arms as she started to shake. "Deeks was on the other side of the complex when it went off and-" He paused again, shaking his head. "We couldn't get to him in time."
"He can't be-no, we have to look for him." Her voice was shaking now, but it didn't stop her determination.
"Kensi, we can't, the building is too unstable and there could be more bombs."
"I don't care!" Kensi shouted, losing her small amount of control. "Sam, I'm not leaving my husband in there."
"Kensi, calm down," Sam told her, his voice firm.
"I can't lose him." Sam's hand were the only thing that kept her from collapsing as her knees gave out and tears poured down her cheeks. She felt someone else help lift her from behind and she didn't resist as they led her to the curbside.
"Kensi, it's going to be ok," Sam said quietly, holding her to his side as she gasped and sobbed. Her chest ached so badly, it felt like she might choke.
She hadn't even thought to say "I love you" before Deeks left. A hundred moments rushed through her mind, each tinged with the pain of regret.
Slowly, her tears eased and she could breathe without panting. When Kensi looked up, Callen stood in front of her with a bottle of water. She accepted it, drinking half of it in a couple mouthfuls.
"Sorry," she muttered, futilely swiping at her cheeks.
"It's ok," he told her calmly. "This is a…shock for everyone. I'm gonna have Rountree come pick you up-"
"No." Pushing off the curb, Kensi handed him the half-empty bottle of water, and adamantly shook her head. "I'm staying here and helping."
"Kensi, that's not a good idea," Sam disagreed. "You're not in a good frame of mind."
"I can't just leave," Kensi said firmly, holding her hand up when Sam started to protest again. "If Callen was inside that building and there was any chance you could still get him out, would you leave?"
"No," he admitted softly. "Alright, you can help redirect traffic."
It was mindless work, but it was better than sitting at the mission alone. Or even worse, at home. The thought made her shudder, and Kensi refocused on her current task. She couldn't think about Deeks. Not right now.
"Hey, we need some help over here!" One of the cops called a few minutes later. "There are more people coming out and some of them are injured pretty bad."
Kensi followed after her, ducking under a line of yellow tape, and in the direction of a side door. There was a woman lying on the ground, her shirt covered in blood, and a man sitting next to her. As they reached the door, another woman stumbled out with a sling around her arm.
Then, with dust and ash swirling around him, Deeks stepped out into the warm sun, a little boy cradled in his arms.
"Hey, I need a stretcher!" he shouted, leaning down to whisper a word of reassurance to the boy. Kensi stood frozen where she stood, not quite believing was she saw. Deeks passed the boy over to an EMT and checked in with the other victims before he noticed her standing there.
And then she was running to him. She slammed into his chest so hard he stumbled back with an exhalation of surprise.
"Kens," he gasped, holding her close. Kensi pulled back and grasped his cheeks, ran her hands over his chest and arms, looking for injuries.
"Are you hurt? Do you need a doctor?" she demanded, lightly touching a cut on his forehead. His skin was smeared with dirt and ash, more coating his hair and turning it a dusty brown.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Most of this blood isn't mine," he said, hands roving over her back.
"I thought you were dead." She hadn't meant to say it so accusingly, but her fear was still too close to the surface.
"I'm sorry, baby." He glanced behind them, expression shuddering a little. "When the blast went off, I was talking to this family and half their apartment caved in. I knew I couldn't just leave them there, so I patched the wife up the best I could and started digging a way out."
"That was really brave of you," she said, cupping his cheeks. "But please don't scare me like that again."
"I'll do my best," he promised, wrapping her in his arms, and kissed her. The pressure of his lips against hers a vivid and welcome reminder that he was alive.