A/N: Hello lovelies. Thank you for all the nice words, follows and favs! I love reading all of your thoughts and your excitement over the developments between Maya, Katherine, and Elena-and of course about Maya's powers! You guys rock! :) But…uh oh. Do I smell trouble? Is it the end of Maya's peaceful little break? :D
This chapter is a bit crazy so be sure to tell me what you think of it! ;)
Ps: If you want to see a cartoon of what Maya looks like, you can find it on my Tumblr and my Twitter. The links are on my profile page. ;)
Disclaimer:I do not own The Vampire Diaries or any of its characters. This is a work of fiction written for entertainment purposes, but the original characters and original storylines present in "My Paper Heart" are my own work.
Exactly one week had passed since I did my coming-out. Caroline kept blabbing about it, Bonnie had learned a bit of the gay manual- as she called it, but Elena still hadn't said a word. It was confusing me beyond belief.
At times, she appeared to be the best friend I had always known. Often though, she would become nervous and awkward after something one of us said or did. There were even moments when she was completely distant. She would abruptly close herself off from me and apologize uncomfortably because our hands had brushed slightly. At the same time, I had caught her a few times sending furtive glances at me. If I hadn't known better, I could have sworn that she was eyeing me. Her behavior wasn't making any sense.
The only thing that was keeping me from completely freaking out over it all was that she had taken me aside a few times to ask if we could talk. Unfortunately, between the two days I had hidden out while my bruises healed, my basketball practices, the secret meetings with Bonnie, and Elena's plans with Stefan, the two of us couldn't seem to find a moment to straighten things out.
When I heard a knock on my front door, I figured that Elena had decided to just show up unannounced, and it made me happy and relieved that she did. My first instinct had been to rush for the door, but after a few steps, I abruptly froze. What if what she was about to tell me was the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear? If I decided to ignore and avoid her, she couldn't actually inform me that she no longer wanted to be my friend…and if it wasn't said, then it wasn't completely real, right?
I took a deep, calming breath and let the reasonable part of my brain kick me in the ass. Elena couldn't possibly reject anyone because of something as insignificant as a person's sexuality. And even if she did, burying my head in the sand would not make the problem go away. I forced my legs to move again and opened the door.
"Hi," she greeted me timidly.
"Hi," I greeted back as warmly as I could, stepping aside to give her space to enter in the lobby. She walked inside and stood, awkwardly, in the middle of it with an expectant look in her eyes.
"Are you avoiding me?" she finally asked in a whisper, nervously twitching her fingers.
"What? No! I thought you were the one avoiding me!" My words seemed to relieve her somehow, while her reaction made me even more confused.
"What's going on, Elena?" I asked gravely. She immediately started to fidget on her feet.
"Do you have something to drink?" she asked abruptly, changing the subject. I frowned but tried my best to remain casual.
"Sure. Make yourself at home…" Indicating the kitchen, I sat down on one of the counter barstools while she searched for something to drink. When I saw her walk right to the alcohol cabinet, I wasn't able to hide my surprise. The only time I had ever seen Elena drink was during the too rare joyful moments when we actually had something to celebrate. Like surviving a thousand years old curse. Or, on the contrary, when situations got really messy, like her brother starting to smoke pot again on her birthday, while her boyfriend was on the loose ripping some heads off.
When she pulled out a bottle of rum and put down two shot glasses strongly on the counter, I opened my mouth to tell her that I was not going to drink rum in the middle of the afternoon. But when I saw how her hand was trembling while she poured the liquor, I shut my mouth and gladly took the shot glass she was holding out to me. She knocked back her drink in one gulp and poured herself another one before I had even swallowed my first sip.
"Elena…" I said cautiously, the hand holding my glass frozen halfway to the counter. "You're scaring me to death."
"What?" She seemed bewildered, like I had shaken her out of deep concentration.
"Well… you haven't really spoken to me since I said the words 'I'm gay' and a week later, you barge into my house to drink down my alcohol supply, so…" I trailed off hesitantly. I could see the understanding sinking in as her face pinched together and her eyes opened widely.
"Oh my god… you thought that I… damn it!" She set her newly emptied glass down onto the counter, shifting her weight onto her hands spread flat beside it. Closing her eyelids for a second, she took a deep breath.
"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't furious at you for not telling me that you were gay during all these years, but I'm perfectly fine with your homosexuality." As soon as the words passed her lips, a huge weight flew off my chest and I felt like I could breathe again. The relief I experienced was short-lived though, and worry crept back quickly at the back of my mind. I had no clue what this discussion was ultimately about.
"That's not what this is about…" she added quietly.
"Okay… so what is it about?" I failed to hide the reluctance in my tone as I asked. I was afraid of what the response could be.
"I've been thinking a lot since you did your coming-out…" she started carefully, looking at me from the corner of her eye to gauge my reaction. "I've gone through every memory I had of us since the very moment we met… every nice, foolish or tender moment- I remember them all. Every intense or dramatic event we've been through together; our everyday life. And I realized something…" Fuck. I really didn't like the turn this conversation was taking. I swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in my throat and tried to convince myself that this was not what I was thinking was about.
"What did you realize?" I asked in a tiny, hoarse voice I didn't recognize as my own.
"Since the very first time I saw you in that hallway, I've known there was something about you…" A nostalgic smile appeared on her lips. "Something different. I didn't know what until we found out that we, unfortunately, had a lot in common," she added sadly, referring to the death of our respective parents. "But I always felt it. And since then, our relationship has kept becoming stronger, deeper… incredible," she continued heartily, waving her hands around. "You became my best friend, my sister… my soul mate. And I love you." A shy but warm look filled her eyes. She ran her fingers a bit nervously through her hair before continuing. "And I always thought it was enough of a justification for the special kind of relationship we share but then I remembered my behavior of the past few weeks…"
"Elena… what are you talking about?" I cut her off a bit sternly, not wanting to think of what she was currently trying to say- but feeling a huge panic invading me just the same.
"I don't recognize myself anymore, not since Katherine came back in town a month ago…" she revealed, taking me aback completely. She had never said anything about Katherine's presence having a particular effect on her until now.
"Not because of Katherine herself, but because of… what she wants. Or rather who," she continued with discomfort. Despite the fact that my jaw dropped open, I tried to say something, but not a sound came out.
"At first, I thought I was just insanely worried about you, and I was- I am- but I was also angry and offended that Katherine could consider you in that way!" The remainder of her anger showed in her voice. She paced a little along the kitchen island before settling herself back in this exact same position. "When you disappeared and I learned that you had spent an entire night with her, it sent me into such a fit of jealousy that it shocked the hell out of me. I rationalized it at that time as a fear of losing my best friend over her but really, all I wanted to do was slapping her in the face with all my strength, locking you up in my arms possessively and never let go," she related strongly. "Which I did eagerly that very same night when I stayed here to watch over you!" She laughed humorlessly, obviously blaming her behavior. "It's one thing to sleep in the same bed and cuddle, but it's a whole different thing to hug you shamelessly like I did… it was way off friendship limits," she admitted bluntly. "All of these reactions had me utterly confused… but I kept pushing them in the back of my mind because I was too stupid, too naive or too close-minded to realize what they were about. To realize it always had been more than a beautiful and powerful friendship…"
"Elena…" I said warningly, trying to stop her before it was too late.
"But finally, I grasped the entire extent of our relationship two weeks ago and I'm not going to-"
"Wait, what?" I shot abruptly, cutting her off. I stared at her with a questioning look. "You said that you were thinking about all of this since I told you I was gay… that was a week ago." I paused and gave her a piercing look. She quickly drew her eyes away from mine to stare at a random spot on the counter, fidgeting nervously on her feet.
"Elena," I called out, trying to make her look at me. She raised her head slightly to glance through her eyelashes.
"She came to visit me before leaving town…" she mumbled almost inaudibly. I felt blood leaving my entire body as her words sank in.
"Katherine?" I breathed out painfully. She nodded in response before looking up at me carefully.
"She dropped by to tell me that if I wanted to confess my feelings… toward you, now would be a good time, since she was leaving town for a while." Before continuing, she swallowed, her discomfort evident. "And she implied that I would be surprised by your response to it. That…you might feel the same."
"Oh for God's sake, Elena… she was messing with your head!" I shouted angrily.
"Do you think I don't know that?" she snapped back defensively. "It doesn't matter if she was or not! Because she was right…I do have feelings for you." I literally felt my heart explode inside my chest at her words, and my body became rock solid. I could no longer breathe, think or even blink.
After a moment of deafening silence, I heard myself replying, "I don't want to hear that." My body had a mind of itself to stand abruptly up from the barstool and my legs determinedly drove me toward the living room at a strong pace.
"Maya!" I heard her cry as she rushed behind me. "Maya…" she pleaded again once she had entered the living room and was standing a few feet away behind me. It finally shook me out of my numbing haze and I turned around to face her.
"Why did you have to tell me that when I was finally ready to move on?!" I shouted in a distressed tone, raising my arms in front of me out of despair, before being stricken with shock as my own words echoed to my ears. Since when had I decided to move on?
"So you do have feelings for me?" Her voice was only a whisper,her eyes wide with disbelief and something else. Relief… happiness? I instantly realized that I wasn't going to lie to her. The secret needed to be out completely this time.
"I've been in love with you for the past two years…" I muttered, my voice sounding like sandpaper. I barely had the guts to meet her stirred up eyes before adding urgently, "but it's okay. It doesn't have to change anything. I got past the idea of that kind of relationship with you a long time ago. Our friendship is a lot more precious to me than anything else."
"Didn't you hear what I said to you earlier?" she asked with an upset expression.
"Elena, you just have been confused by this whole messy situation, but it doesn't mean that you actually have-"
"Don't you want to find out?" she cut me off a little bit defiantly but I could see a glint of hurt in her eyes. Was I making her feel rejected?
"What?" I was completely taken aback and unable to form another word.
"We already have an amazing and fulfilling relationship… don't you want to know if it could become even more?"
"Elena, you're not even gay…" I sighed and ran a hand in my hair.
"It doesn't matter!" she exclaimed, determination flooding over her.
"Of course it does! Not to mention the fact that you're in love with Stefan!" I shouted back, irritated. She immediately shot me a stern glance, but her face softened after exhaling a heavy sigh, obviously feeling as lost as I was.
"Look… I'm not saying that I'm sure about this. If it's a good idea or the wrong thing to do…" she started in a tired voice, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. "All I know is that I can't get my mind out of it, no matter how hard I try. That I can't stop thinking about you all the time since I became aware of my feelings for you. I even lost sleep over this for the entire past two weeks…" she admitted in a shy voice. She looked at me intensely before moving the hand on her neck to cover her face for a second. "All of this is frightening. I… I feel guilty toward Stefan, I'm insecure around you…" she stuttered, distress shining in her eyes. "I tried to rationalize it. I tried to push it away. I even tried to ignore it! But it seems that no matter what I do, my heart and bo…and body, don't want to hear a thing about it." It was easy to notice that admitting this was actually really hard for her.
"Elena, I'm…" I wanted to ease her confusion. I wanted to get her out of this mess and reassure her, but her words were so disturbing that I couldn't even gather a meaningful thought.
"I just want to give us a shot. Because what we have is already precious… and I don't want to miss something even more beautiful on the pretext that I'm terrified, or that it's not the right thing to do," she said earnestly, staring at me with expectancy.
"What… give us a shot…? What does that even mean?" What did she have in mind? My brain doggedly refused to envisage all the possibilities contained in "a shot". She tensed nervously at my words and took a sharp intake of breath.
"Well… there is an easy and reasonable way to figure out if we could at least… click," she answered hesitantly, obviously exposed. I didn't understand what she meant until her eyes slipped down to my lips for a split second, before meeting my gaze again.
"No. No, no, no!" I suddenly exclaimed, putting a hand protectively in front of me while taking a step back when realization hit me.
"I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to do," she told me urgently, raising her hands toward me as an attempt to calm me down. She waited a moment in silence and finally spoke again, when she noticed that I had slightly relaxed. "You said yourself that you've been in love with me for the past two years…" she started cautiously. "And you had buried the idea of a relationship with me because of a thousand good reasons. I would of know… I've been repeating them to myself over and over again for the past couple of weeks." A small humorless chuckle passed her lips before her expression became focused again. "But now, it's different. Now I'm here, and you know that you're not the only to have feelings… for your best friend," she added softly while taking a few slow steps toward me, looking me straight in the eye with an intense pleading gaze.
"It's a terrible idea, Elena…" I tried my best to avoid her persuasive doe eyes, my voice coming out in a low murmur. She raised her arms to put her hands down on my shoulders, but stopped herself before making actual contact.
"I'm fully aware of what I'm asking you, Maya," she admitted honestly. "I know what it probably means for you, but…" she trailed off, seemingly struggling to express her thought. "If it doesn't work, I will do whatever you need me to do to get over this. I'm absolutely certain that if nothing more comes out of this, our friendship is too strong to crumble because of it. But what if it works, Maya…" she murmured, leaning even closer to me. She looked inside my eyes deeply and I could recognize insecurity in them. But besides her extreme closeness, what made me lose myself in her eyes was the hope and love also reflecting intensely in them. She slowly, tentatively took the last step that placed her only a few inches away from my face, and finally stopped to seek approval. But unfortunately for her, she wasn't going to find one because I was completely paralyzed. Every single muscle in my body and face had turned rock solid.
She leaned her head slowly toward my lips, then hesitated and moved back slightly. She looked up, a question in her eyes, and I could tell that for lack of anything better, she took my stillness as some sort of acceptance. She let her gaze slip down on my lips again and unsurely closed the last distance between us. Her kiss was soft, as light as a feather and over before it even started. She moved back her head a little for a split second, and went for my lips again. This time, the kiss was more intent and lasted longer. I could feel how smooth her full and supple lips were; the taste of rum she had drunk earlier still lingering on them. I could hear my heart beating strongly and erratically in my ears, but it felt like all of it was happening to someone else. I was having an out-of-body experience and I had no control over it. I was aware that the sensation of her lips on mine was making goosebumps spread over my entire body. I could tell that her fragrance was invading my senses, and her warmth was drawing my body in. And yet, I was distantly and passively witnessing it like I was watching myself from two feet away. When she unhurriedly pulled her lips away, she locked her gaze on mine and I read utter shock in it. Her eyes kept twitching frantically between one of my eyes and the other, obviously trying to find some answer in them. At my own distant surprise, shock wasn't the only feeling reflecting in them… intense curiosity and desire were there as well, and I knew instinctively that she was going to kiss me again, to decipher what the last kiss seemed to ignite in her.
I panicked and tried to move my arms to prevent her from torturing me again by giving me a glimpse of what I had always dreamed of but could never have. I gathered all my will and strength to raise my hands. I needed to stop her before she crossed the line that would inflict irreversible damages. But I was still too far and not in possession of my own body. As much as I was trying to control my muscles, my arms were still hanging numbly along my sides; the distance between them and my thoughts feeling impassable. I watched her leaning closer again but this time, she raised one of her hands to put her fingers delicately along my jaw while molding her mouth into mine. The touch triggered something inside me that made me finally and abruptly snap out my dull haze. My heart exploded violently in my chest as soon as I reincorporated my body. The adrenaline spreading wildly through my veins left me feverish and eager for her touch. Suddenly, I began to respond to her kiss. I leaned further into it while my hand got a mind of its own to cup the back of her neck, feeling shivers run down her spine. She replied with the same passion, seeming carried away by joy as I finally reacted. Sliding her palm along my jaw to bury her fingers in the hair behind my ear, she parted her mouth to devour my lips. I slid my tongue over her lower lip to invade her mouth. She welcomed my bold and unconscious move by swirling her own tongue around mine and driving it deeper into her mouth. Realizing that my hands had travelled down at some point to stroke her lower back, I tightened my grip around her waist to draw her body closer to mine. She wrapped her arms urgently around my neck, pressing her plump, soft breasts against my chest.
I had dreamed about this day and night for two years. About her holding me so intimately. About her tender lips devouring mine. About fondling her body, finally freed from any restraint. And yet, none of those vivid fantasies compared to the reality. She was beyond intoxicating and I was completely losing myself into this kiss. It seemed that I couldn't get enough of tasting her. All I wanted to do was to engulf her so our bodies could become one.
I slid my hands to grab her butt and pulled her even more into me. Using her grip around my neck, she stood on her tiptoes to mould perfectly her figure to mine, causing the apex of her legs to rub against my center. The burning knot it caused in the pit of my stomach spurred me on even further; deepening passionately a kiss that had already grew incredibly hotter with every passing second.
My lungs were screaming for air, but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. I slid my hands up her butt eagerly to sneak under her shirt and stroke the bare small of her back, making her inhale sharply and deeply through her nose at the touch. She opened her eyes for a split second, revealing two dark, lusted pools. She looked at me intensely before closing them again and locked her arms powerfully around my neck, diving avidly into the kiss again.
The connection between my brain and body was beyond fried. Despite the effort of my conscience to scream at me to stop this kiss that had gotten completely out of control, it was just a fainted whisper at the back of my mind. My body's opinion on the matter was quite a different one anyway. One of my hands sneaked under her bra to stroke her shoulder blade while the other one groped her side keenly. She loosened her grip around my throat to tangle her fingers in the hair at the base of my neck and slid her other arm over my back to clench firmly at my shirt, her nails scratching my skin through the fabric. I nibbled at her lower lip and sucked on her tongue, making her moan softly inside my mouth. The sound sent a shock wave right into my core. My hands left her back to lock themselves firmly around her hips, pulling them roughly against my core to gain some friction that I desperately needed. She responded feverishly and rubbed her inner thigh up along mine to hook her leg around my hip. Her lustful move caused a loud and unexpected bang to resonate inside my skull as if someone had pulled the trigger of a gun right next to my ear; letting me suddenly numb and frozen. I gradually felt something boiling dangerously toward the surface and I realized after a few seconds that it wasn't desire or love.
All the moments that I wanted to fondle her face or to pamper her body. Every time I wanted to kiss her or tell her that I was in love with her. Every single moment that I had swallowed painfully my feelings, sat desperately on the hope that I could be something more for her, watched her love somebody else, or the many times I gathered the broken pieces of my heart again to be able to be what she wanted me to be. All of those shattering memories were flashing at incredible speed through my mind. It wasn't desire or love that was bursting violently inside me. It was destructive frustration and powerful rage.
It took me all of my willpower not to throw her urgently on the opposite side of the room. Managing instead to calmly but firmly grab her wrists to move her away from me, I took several steps backwards to keep a safe distance between us. She didn't fight any of my gestures, but was staring at me deeply with a puzzled expression, panting and seeming utterly lost. Every muscle in my body was tensed with struggle and I couldn't help but glared at her with furious eyes.
"What are you doing, Elena?" I drawled hoarsely, my tone dripping with threat.