Motherhood was… challenging, but there wasn't a day when she regretted her decision. Her daughter was an easy baby, mostly sleeping, crying only when she was hungry or uncomfortable, but settling immediately in her mother's arms. Donna had returned home when the baby was three days old, and so far, everything was going smoothly, with the redhead handling it all perfectly. She spent her days breastfeeding, stimulating her daughter, and playing with the mini version of herself, then taking strolls through the streets of New York. During the baby's naps, she took time for herself, squeezing in a bit of a workout, knowing that in a few weeks, she'd be back at work, and as for that, Donna hadn't heard much from Harvey since she left the firm for maternity leave, except for one brief check-in a week after she got home. One afternoon, while the baby was peacefully sleeping in the bassinet in the living room and Donna was doing pilates, she was surprised by a knock on the door as one of the receptionists from her building was standing there.
«Good morning»
«Miss Paulsen, good morning. I hope I'm not disturbing you»
«No. Not at all»
«I heard about the baby, congratulations»
«Thank you so much» smiled the redhead.
«I wanted to give you this. It was dropped off for you this morning at the front desk, and I thought with the baby and everything, it might be difficult for you to pick it up. So there you are»
«That's very kind of you»
«No problem. I'll leave you alone, have a nice day»
«You too. Thank you»
After taking the white package with the ribbon, Donna was caught off guard by the gesture. She quickly sat down, her heart racing as she grabbed the card, swallowing hard when she recognized the slightly boyish handwriting of her boss.
I should've given this to you on your last day, but I kind of panicked — go figure. I had no idea what to get, so I ended up picking a little bit of everything. I hope everything's been going well, and I'm looking forward to seeing you back at the office
As she opened the box with trembling hands, Donna couldn't help but melt at the sight of what Harvey had likely picked up after raiding the baby section at Ralph Lauren — the store he'd probably chosen as a nod to their first shopping spree together more than four years ago. The first item was a cream-colored footed coverall made from soft cotton, adorned with the Polo Bear print. Then, there was another, this one in white, featuring elephants, blocks, and bears. A few onesies, socks, blankets, t-shirts, leggings, and even an adorable little sweater followed — all unisex. Holding back tears, the redhead couldn't help but reflect on the thoughts she'd had some time ago about the donor. When it came time to make her choice, she'd spent an entire night making a list of pros and cons about who to pick as the father of her child. And though she knew it wasn't the easiest decision, it had been clear: Harvey would be the biological father. She had thought it would be easy to separate the idea of Harvey as the anonymous donor from Harvey as her colleague and best friend, but the moment she saw Aida smile, she realized how complicated it would be. Even though she knew Harvey would never find out — he'd told her she could do whatever she wanted, and he didn't want to know — a part of her still carried the weight of the secret. He had no idea whether she'd used his sperm or not. Now, with the little girl born, Donna had no intention of telling Harvey or even letting him see what she looked like. He would never know. So, even if he questioned whether a child of his was somewhere out there in New York, at least he wouldn't have to live with the certainty that she was raising his child just a few miles away from him. Minutes later, she was pulled out of her reverie by the sound of her baby crying, forcing her to rise and tend to her.
«Hey, my princess. Did you sleep well?»
Watching as her baby calmed instinctively against her, Donna wandered around the living room, taking advantage of the fact that she was awake to talk.
«Look, you got a gift from mommy's colleague. Isn't it beautiful? Well, Harvey has excellent taste, so I'm not surprised»
Once the baby was calm, Donna fed her, getting her ready to go out before the two of them headed out together. The new mom cherished the moment, strolling through Soho, grabbing a decaf coffee to go before making her way along the Hudson River. She watched as her little one dozed off in the baby carrier, the sensation of her baby resting against her chest becoming Donna's favorite feeling in the world. She'd never imagined she'd be here, in this exact moment, with a baby who was part of her and yet, so much more. The soft rhythm of her baby's breathing was the most soothing sound she'd ever heard, and as she walked, the weight of her past decisions — about the donor, about Harvey — seemed to melt away. Knowing her baby would likely get hungry soon, Donna turned back home to resume her daily routine. The weeks flew by, filled with medical check-ups, all of them coming back positive, as the redhead made sure to savor every single moment with her child until one day, while chatting on the phone with her mother, Donna sighed softly, gently stroking the clothed foot of her sleeping baby.
«How's Aida?» asked her mother.
«She's doing great, as usual. She's so curious, always watching everything, cooing and babbling non-stop, smiling all the time, and full of energy. Her new thing is grabbing my face when I lean in, holding onto me to make sure I keep giving her kisses» giggled Donna.
«That's adorable»
«Yeah»
«And how are you doing?»
«Like a mom who's about to abandon her baby»
«Donna, you're not abandoning her» chuckled Laurel.
«How do you call leaving the love of my life with strangers all day?»
«I call it a mom who's also a woman. You're going to do what most women do, drop her off at daycare so she can make friends, and then go work to give her the best life»
«I know, but the thought of being eight hours away from her breaks my heart» moaned the redhead.
«Have you thought about working part-time?»
«Mom, I'm already cutting my hours down from fourteen to eight a day, I can't cut it down any further»
«Donna, fourteen hours was because you wanted it. Now you have responsibilities. You can't put your work — and him — before you and now her»
«I know that»
«And what about Harvey? Have you heard from him?»
«Not really. I mean, I sometimes check his emails to keep updated, so I'd call him when I knew he needed to talk but wouldn't do it himself, but other than that, no»
«Didn't you talk about Aida?»
«Why, mom? That was the deal from the start. He doesn't want to know, he doesn't know she's his, and he doesn't even know it's a girl. It has to stay that way»
«You are the one who knows best — anyway, tell me more about her»
For a few minutes, mother and daughter continued talking about Aida before Donna hung up the phone and gently placed her daughter in the co-sleeper beside her. Finally, she allowed herself to sleep as well. The next day, she dropped Aida off at daycare and returned home, giving in to a wave of emotion that had been building as she spent the entire day crying, waiting impatiently for 4 PM to come so she could pick her up. Donna had decided that, for the first few days, she wouldn't return to work. She preferred to stay home, just in case Aida needed her, and also to cry in peace, but when she arrived at daycare to pick up her daughter and saw Aida greet her with a huge smile, Donna couldn't help but feel a sense of reassurance.
«How did it go?»
«Perfectly. As usual, she was adorable. She ate, took a nap, played with her friends, and gave us plenty of smiles»
«I'm glad»
«So, tomorrow is the big day?»
«Urgh, I don't even wanna think about it» smiled Donna sadly.
«It's gonna be alright, Miss Paulsen. Going back to work is always tough, but everything will be fine here. She's gotten used to it, she's easy, and I'm sure everything will go well»
«Yeah. I hope so»
«See you tomorrow?»
«Sure, see you»
That evening, Donna held Aida close, spending hours cuddling her before gently setting her on the bed and presenting two dresses.
«Gucci or Roland Mouret?»
As Aida cooed, Donna chuckled softly before murmuring to herself.
«I know it's silly, but it's the first time I'll be seeing him after more than three months, and — no offense, my baby — but you've kind of changed my body a little. It shouldn't bother me, but I used to love the way he looked at me... Urgh, I shouldn't be telling you this, but I can't talk to anyone else about it, so... well… Anyway, I think Roland Mouret would be a better choice. And the thought of wearing high heels again is just... ugh. Honestly, it's kind of depressing»
For a few minutes, she talked to herself — and the baby — as she prepared for the next day, watching Aida babble and make high-pitched noises until her little eyes fluttered shut and she finally drifted off to sleep. In the meantime, Donna packed Aida's bag, her stomach in knots at the thought of leaving her baby behind — though, mostly, at the thought of seeing Harvey again. The next day, as the nursery nurse waited to take Aida from her, Donna kissed her baby's little face again and again, making her coo in response.
«Alright, I have to stop» chuckled the redhead.
«It's going to be fine, Miss Paulsen. The day will go by quickly»
«I hope so. Um, in her bag, there are diapers, her favorite blanket, and one of my sweaters — sometimes it helps her sleep. I finish at four, but if you need anything, just call me, and I'll be there right away. My office is only ten minutes away, alright?»
«Got it»
«Good — bye bye, baby. I love you»
After a final kiss, Donna handed her baby over to the woman and left the daycare, making her way to the firm. She rode the elevator up, the numbers ticking away as she took a deep breath when the doors opened on the 60th floor. As she stepped out, she walked toward Harvey's office, a path she had taken countless times over the past three years. Meanwhile, Harvey was doing his best to stay focused, but he couldn't help glancing at the clock every few seconds, eagerly anticipating Donna's arrival, and as soon as he saw her walking toward him, his heart raced. He then stood up quickly, trying to mask the surge of emotions that hit him all at once as he talked.
«Donna»
«Harvey, hi»
«How are you doing?»
«I'm great. I can see on your face that you're relieved to see me again. Was my replacement that terrible?» giggled the redhead.
«Awful»
As they chuckled together, Harvey looked a bit embarrassed, but then Donna gave him a playful smile.
«Do you want a hug?I mean, did I miss you that much? »
«You don't mind?» muttered Harvey, a bit embarrassed.
«I don't, no»
Taking advantage of the nearly empty office, they quickly embraced, both realizing they had missed each other more than they'd expected. As Donna stood in his arms, Harvey felt like nothing had changed — as if the baby hadn't existed at all. Her body felt the same in his arms, and physically, she hadn't changed at all — not a trace of fatigue, nothing. Still as perfect as ever, not that he was really surprised. Neither of them seemed to want to move, far too comfortable in the hug, but eventually, Donna pulled away, shifting the focus to something else.
«So? Shall we get to work?»
«Sure. I'm not gonna lie, I haven't interacted much with your replacement, so we've got a lot to catch up on, especially with the Carnelli case»
«It's still not settled?»
«Urgh, I need to tell you what this asshole said to me…»
Donna quickly settled in front of Harvey as he shared his misadventures with the client, and she offered her thoughts in return. Once he was done, they dove back into work, and it felt as if maternity leave had never happened — they interacted and worked just like before, as if nothing had changed. With a client meeting scheduled for late morning, Harvey took off, leaving Donna the chance to catch up on the latest files. During a brief break, she called the daycare to check in on Aida, and once she received confirmation that her baby was doing fine, she returned to her work until Harvey returned from his meeting and they debriefed together. The rest of the day flew by, and just as Harvey was about to suggest they discuss the meeting scheduled for the next day, he was taken by surprise when Donna walked into his office, jacket and bag in hand, as he muttered.
«You're leaving already?»
«I have to go to the daycare»
Suddenly, it felt like a cold shower for Harvey. The entire day had given him the sense that everything was back to the way it used to be — the two of them laughing, enjoying each other's company while working, and for a moment, he'd completely forgotten that she was now a mother. Just as the realization hit him, Donna murmured, seeing his weird face.
«By the way, I forgot to give you this. Here»
As Donna placed her large handbag on the chair in front of him, Harvey watched as she rummaged through it, searching for something as his throat tightened when his eyes landed on a pack of baby wipes and a stuffed animal. After a moment, while he felt like suffocating, she pulled out an envelope and handed it to him as Harvey forced a smile when he accepted it, thanking her and pretending, for a brief moment, that nothing had changed.
«Thanks»
«You're welcome. Anyway, I have to go. See you tomorrow?»
«See you tomorrow, Miss Paulsen. Good evening»
After giving him one last smile, Donna left the office, while Harvey remained at his desk, momentarily frozen, confused by the sudden shift in circumstances. He tried to distract himself, though he had little hope of focusing while, in the meantime, Donna was already on her way to pick up the baby from daycare and head home. As Harvey considered leaving the office in turn — since the day wasn't proving productive — he stood up, only to be interrupted by a petite blonde.
«Mr. Specter?»
«Yes?»
«I'm Marie from the Human Resources department»
«Marie, of course. What can I do for you?»
«Is Miss Paulsen still here?»
«No. She left ten minutes ago. Can I help you with something?»
«I have all the maternity leave documents, but I forgot to have her sign one of them. Unfortunately, I'm off tomorrow and won't be back until next Monday. I was hoping she could sign them and drop them off at HR as soon as possible»
«You can give them to me, I'll make sure she gets them tomorrow morning»
«They're confidential documents, Mr. Specter» muttered the woman a bit embarrassed.
«I'm not going to look at them. What belongs to Donna belongs to Donna. I'll just pass them along so it's handled faster»
Seeing the woman hesitate, Harvey began packing his things, opening his briefcase and extending his hand, silently signaling that the documents would stay there until tomorrow, when he would hand them over. After a few seconds, she relented and handed him the papers, which he immediately filed away. Once she left, Harvey put on his jacket and headed home, planning to make progress on the few files he had brought with him. But as he sat on the couch, reading a deposition against one of his clients, his gaze kept drifting toward the briefcase sitting next to it. He knew he shouldn't look, he had told Donna he didn't want to know anything about the baby, that he would stay out of it, but the curiosity gnawed at him, too strong to resist. After a few moments of torturing himself, he stood up quickly, grabbed the documents with a trembling hand, and took a deep breath as he sat back down. The first document was a copy of the pregnancy declaration, filled mostly with medical jargon that didn't reveal much. Then, he came across the bank account details for the payment of benefits, along with Donna's certificate confirming her maternity leave period and previous salaries. Nothing too revealing either… until he reached the last document: the certificate of birth.
«Harvey, this is a bad idea» whispered the lawyer to himself.
He knew he shouldn't — he knew he couldn't either — but the temptation was too strong. The first thing that caught his eye was all of Donna's information — her name, date of birth, address, phone number, and profession, and beside it, in the section dedicated to the father, it read: Not designated / Not recognized. He'd known it was coming — she decided to be a single mother after all — but seeing those words still hit him hard, especially when his own name could have easily been written there instead if he wasn't that fucked up. After scanning the rest of the document, filled with administrative details and the civil registry signature, he took a deep breath, steeling himself before moving on to the section about the child. He had no information about the baby, Donna had never shared anything, never let anything slip, so this was almost the answer to all the questions that had been swirling in his mind. The words on the paper felt heavy as he slowly began to read.
New York Civil Registry Office
Registration Number: 121486980
Place of birth: NYU Langone, Manhattan.
Date of birth: September 25th.
Time of birth: 5:24 PM.
Until now, the document had given him some information, but nothing beyond the basics. However, when his eyes landed on the section labeled Information about the child, Harvey suddenly stood up and rushed to the bathroom, leaning over the toilet as he vomited. It had only taken a second — just one — but it was enough for him to understand everything. The last name was Paulsen — as expected — and Harvey had already suspected it was a little girl when he saw her name was Aida, probably after Donna's favorite opera. He'd simply smiled at the thought, not surprised by her choice. But it was when his eyes fell on the little girl's second name that he felt the acid rise in the back of his throat.
Regina
He wasn't stupid, he knew Donna well enough to understand that she was a sentimental person. She would have found a way for her daughter to carry a part of her second parent's name, discreetly and, above all, secretly. As he threw up again, he remembered a few years ago, while celebrating one of his victories over drinks, Harvey had casually mentioned that his middle name was Reginald. The slightly tipsy redhead had found it hilarious, and the two of them had ended up in a conversation about it, laughing together long into the night.
«Reginald? Really?»
«Yeah, why? Is that so funny?»
«I don't know, I wasn't expecting that — do you realize that's a name that suggests royalty?»
«Really?» snorted Harvey.
«Well, I suppose the feminine version of Reginald is Regina, which literally means queen in Italian» giggled Donna.
«No way»
«Yes way. I mean, if you ever have a daughter one day, you could name her that— the Queen Specter »
After that, the conversation about the hypothetical children of Harvey had ended as abruptly as it had begun, with the lawyer swiftly changing the subject. But while he had spent less than a year wondering whether this baby was his — wondering if she had chosen his sperm over the donor's — now, he had the confirmation right in front of him.
She had chosen him.