Road to Recovery
The healers talked to each other in hushed voices as they pumped Claudia full of potions. Information about her condition was sparce. Or maybe it just felt that way, as the potions made Claudia's brain all fuzzy. She could barely stand up or think. Let alone process what these people were telling her.
Oscar was in and out to visit her, to interrupt the blurry dream of lime-green robes. But every time she tried to ask him about Sirius, he changed the subject. That was the only thing she remembered with certainty. The rest of the things he told her did not feel real. They felt like snippets of wild dreams after one too many drinks. Crouch was dead, Umbridge was livid, and Moody was avoiding him.
Agrippa, Marcin and Édith came too with flowers and apologies. Neville sent her a get well soon card… Claudia's stomach turned when she saw her godson's handwriting. She could barely imagine what it would have been like to read the Prophet to find out his godmother had been arrested or put on trial. It was a miracle his grandmother did not make him sever all ties.
Fuelled by guilt, she slid her legs of the bed, determined to go see Alice. She nearly toppled over several times, but eventually – and rather slowly – she got to the threshold of her room. Once she caught her breath and was ready to continue, her path was blocked by a visitor she was not expecting. She blinked. Was this a hallucination again? Or was it really Cornelius Fudge that stood before her?
Claudia held onto the door frame. Her legs were giving up from under her. But she did not want to give him the satisfaction, so she turned and slowly shuffled to an armchair. She leaned against it-
"I don't know if I can ever apologise enough," Fudge mumbled.
Probably not, Claudia thought but said nothing, she wanted to hear whatever little speech he had prepared.
"This should never have happened," Fudge continued. "You have to come back to the Ministry. I need your counsel. Agrippa has been lost without you. And-" he reached into his robes and took out a small parcel. "These are the books the aurors took from you. And your belongings, your wand." He placed it on a side table.
"And Umbridge? Granville?" she asked. Her chest hurt when she spoke, probably because of the flaming anger she began to feel. This was pathetic, even by Fudge's standards. He was talking to her as if the worst thing he had ever done was to spill her tea.
Fudge froze. "Granville Lace will never set foot in the Auror Office again. And I will have a conversation with Dolores about stepping away from the limelight."
Stepping away from the limelight… Claudia was pretty sure that did not mean a small cell in Azkaban. "You cannot expect me to sit on the Board with her." Claudia's lungs were on fire now.
"I would not expect you to. If you do come back-"
Claudia began to cough uncontrollably and held tighter onto the armchair.
"Sit down," Fudge whispered. "Please." He passed her a glass of water.
Hating that she had to show weakness, she did fall into the armchair and took the drink. The cough had ceased for a moment. "I am not going to make a decision today."
"Take your time to recover, as long as you need-"
Claudia nodded. She could not speak. Nausea was taking over; her legs were shaking. The exertion, the restraint she had to show during this conversation; it was all too much. "I'll let you know," she mumbled and closed her eyes. Do not throw up, she told herself. Do not throw up.
By the time Claudia managed to centre herself, Fudge had gone and an army of healers took his place.
"The potions are not doing the job, Miss Avery-" the senior healer announced once he finished administering the potions. "Your lungs are infected and we will need to put you to sleep for a couple days to flush them out."
"Do I have a choice about this?"
"Honestly? Not if you want to live past fifty."
Claudia agreed to the procedure and the healers put her out the very same day. All it took was a couple of vials and Claudia drifted into the darkness.
Mouth was dry. Arms could not lift. Claudia slowly peeled her eyes open. The lights were bright. She tried to shuffle up to sitting. No cough. She reached for a glass of water.
"Is she awake?" A Scottish accent echoed through her room. "The healer said she was meant to be awake!"
"Boss?" Claudia blinked a few times. The outlines in the room became less blurry. Moody was in a hospital gown. "What happened to you?" she whispered, half-wondering why her hallucinations were always this weird.
"Barty Crouch Jr happened," he growled and sat down on the end of her bed. "How are you feeling?"
"My lungs are not on fire," Claudia replied, still pain-free. "What do you mean Barty Crouch Jr happened? He's dead…"
"He is not. He locked me in my trunk before I got to Hogwarts and been impersonating me."
"So, the diary…" The penny had dropped. It was Crouch Jr who falsified the diary. "I gave him the idea to set me up. He wanted me out of the way."
Moody shuffled closer and held her hand. "I'm sorry- It's all my fault-"
"It's not…"
"If I didn't let him capture me, they would have never sent you to Azkaban."
"Well, if I figured it out earlier… It wouldn't have happened either." She leaned in for a hug and Moody squeezed her in his arms.
"Dumbledore didn't say a lot about what happened. How long?"
"Three months, I think."
"Oh, Claudia-" Moody whispered and hugged her tighter.
"Better than twelve years." Tears were forcing themselves into her eyes.
"Dumbledore explained everything. You should have told me the truth."
"I tried to protect you. Didn't want you to end up in Azkaban with me…" She sighed. "At least it's over now." This was the first time this occurred to her. Was it over? Was Sirius really going to come home? "How did the Tournament go? Is it finished?"
"Oh, it's finished…" Moody said. A dark cloud seemed to have been hanging over him. Someone was dead, Claudia was sure. She looked at her arm. Sirius was alive.
"What happened?" she asked, somewhat relieved.
Moody finally let her go. "Voldemort is back."
"What?"
Moody set of to explain the most fantastic tale of Barty Crouch Jr making sure Harry would be the first to reach the Triwizard Cup and enchanting it to take Harry to a graveyard where Voldemort was waiting to perform a spell to regain his physical form. Claudia had to pinch herself to make sure this was real.
"Harry made it out alive," Moody finished. "Unlike one of the other students, poor Amos Diggory, losing a son like that. That is the only reason why we know Voldemort is back. Although Fudge is trying to deny it-" he paused. "And Harry gave us the names of the Death Eaters who came when he called. Your brother was one."
"What an idiot."
"He's mobilising, but so are we. Order has been recalled- I'll let you know about the first meeting."
"I want nothing to do with the Order or with Dumbledore-"
"Don't be ridi-"
"I don't want to hear it."
"Claudia-"
A healer walked in and saved her from the inevitable lecture. "Mr Moody. You are not supposed to be out of bed!" The healer growled as she nudged Moody out of the room.
Her chest was better and on the penultimate day in June, it was time to go home. Oscar sent her a little note in the morning, telling her to apparate to Gower Mews when she was discharged. Claudia's heart sank a little. While it would be nice to see Oscar again, he was not the one she wanted waiting for her. But he was probably right. Who knew where Sirius was, Gower Mews was the best option.
She apparated to the hallway of her old flat and slowly began to climb the steps. After several short breaks, she finally made it to the top only to realise she did not have her key on her. It must have been somewhere at the Sandcastle. Maybe Oscar had it. It was unlikely, but worth a try. She raised her hand to knock, but before her knuckles made contact with the heavy door, it flew open.
Claudia's heart nearly stopped when she saw it was Sirius, and not Oscar, who was towering over her. Tears were streaming down his blotchy and unshaven face.
Claudia did not waste a second before falling into his arms. "What are you doing here?" she whispered into his chest, struggling to keep her eyes dry.
She could feel his whole body shake as he held her. "Claude-" He choked on his words. "How did-" He trailed off and squeezed her so tight she could barely breathe.
"I'm ok," Claudia whispered and sunk her fingers into his back. "I'm ok."
"I'm so sorry-"
"What for? I could barely manage three months, you-" She wiped her face on his shirt. "I don't know how you are still standing-" tears were now flowing freely down her cheeks. There was no point fighting it.
"I'm standing here because of you-" He freed one of his hands and wipe her tears with his thumb. "I'm never going to let anything bad happened to you again. I promise you. No matter what's coming-" he stopped abruptly, unsure whether to continue.
"Moody told me," Claudia muttered. "Voldemort is back."
Sirius dropped his forehead on top of Claudia's head. "Voldemort is back…" he sighed. "Fucking Voldemort is back."
"Do you need to go back to Hogwarts?" she whispered, clinging onto his arm, hoping he would say no.
"No." Sirius was now stroking the top of her arms. "We're going home. I have a safe passage through the Floo. It's all planned. But we need to stay here the night." He looked around. "Not sure how safe-"
"We can wait in the attic."
"The what?"
Claudia finally looked around the place. Everything was in disarray. The Aurors clearly searched the flat ten times over while she was in Azkaban in a ultimately fruitless attempt to find some evidence against her that would stand up in court. She walked over to the fireplace and put the palm of her hand right under where the photo of Sirius and her used to be.
"Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo," she uttered.
The spell was unaffected, and the wall had parted to reveal a steep staircase. Three steps in, Claudia had to take a break.
"Impressive-" Sirius said and helped her up the remaining stairs.
"If the aurors have not found it till now, we're safe here." Her heart was pounding in her ears, and she lowered herself to the floor. "It used to be more comfortable before the big clear out," she mumbled as she looked around the room completely stripped bare of all its furnishing.
"I'll be right back," Sirius said and vanished.
Within five minutes, however, he emerged through the floor with a blanket, some sandwiches and the wooden chest Claudia got from St Mungo's. "What's in here?" he asked as he placed the chest next to her.
Claudia flipped it open, revealing dozens of vials. "The healers gave me this- A week's supply. I am supposed to be reducing the dose every day until I am fine without any." She picked up the parchment that accompanied it all and stared at it blankly, trying to understand how this was meant to work.
Sirius exchanged the paper for a sandwich.
"This doesn't look too bad-" Sirius said. "It's those two-" he pointed at the blue flasks- "in the morning. And those-"
"Fine, fine… You're smarter than me now. Great," she sighed and pulled the blanket closer to her.
"I've always been smarter than you," Sirius smirked.
"Not a chance. More talented, maybe… But my brain is all I got, don't take it away from me."
"You're so full of potions, I'm surprised you know your name, Claude- you're going to be fine."
"Am I? Are we?" All this felt like a weird dream. Was she really talking to Sirius? It was impossible to say. Everything felt sort of – she struggled to think of a word – maybe vague? Telegraphic? Like the world existed in five minute segments and she struggled to remember anything from the past, or think of the future. "What's going to happen to us?" she mumbled.
"What's going to happen is that you're going to take this sleeping draught and have a rest before we go to the Sandcastle tomorrow."
Claudia did not have the strength to argue. Maybe all this would make sense tomorrow. She downed the potion and fell asleep almost instantly, curled up in their old blanket.
But despite the long sleep, she was barely awake when they set off on their journey and felt no more present. Apparition, Floo, another Floo, another Floo, more apparition. Before she could truly question what was happening, there were in the sailing boat. It was barely dawn.
There was something about the ocean. The smell of it. The almost rhythmic monotony of the waves crashing against the boat's hull that made Claudia nauseous. She tried deep breaths, she tried closing her eyes. Nothing prevented her from throwing up over the side of the boat.
Once they moored, Sirius helped her into bed. "Why don't you sleep a little more. I'll get everything ready. Check the seagulls haven't moved back into our bathroom-"
When she woke up for the second time that day, the sun was high. Desperate to go to the bathroom, she got up. But she managed just about ten steps when her legs stopped listening and she collapsed onto the floor.
Claudia tried getting up... But her legs were shaking, her arms were numb. She just could not do it. She leaned against the wall and then caught her reflection in a mirror for the first time since she was released from Azkaban.
That could not have been her. Surely. That was a corpse, an illusion. There was no fat or muscle on those bones. Her skin was blotchy and grey at the same time, with huge circles under her eyes. Her hair was long and matted. She was desperate to get it off her face but could not bring herself to touch it.
Without warning, Claudia began to struggle for breath. But it was not her lungs that were giving in this time. She was choking on her tears.
By the time Sirius came up, Claudia's tears had dried up. But she still could not move. Or breathe-
"Claude- why didn't you call for me?"
She couldn't say. She was breathing so quickly, her hands were beginning to shake.
"Let's get you to bed."
"I can't-" she said hoarsely. "I can't move. My body isn't listening to me."
Sirius tried to reach for her hand but she pulled away.
"Don't touch me," she hissed. The face in the mirror flashed through her mind. She did not want Sirius to see her like this, to touch her like this…
"The healers said it will get worse once the dose of these potions comes down."
"Great." She struggled to standing.
"Please let me help-"
"Leave me alone!" Claudia shuffled to bed, Sirius walking right behind her. Once in bed, she pulled the duvet over her head and hid from the world. "I'm cold…" she mumbled.
"Do you want some tea?" he uttered.
She wanted to say no. She wanted him to stay. She wanted to grab him by the hand an tell him to never leave her again. But one look at her pale, skinny arm brought her close to tears again. "Yes please," she said and buried her face into the pillow. If the pillow could just take her- Make this all stop.
"Are you awake?"
Claudia rolled over. It was dark and cold. She looked towards the window, but there was none there. Just moist stone walls. Her heart in her throat, she looked to the other side. A cloaked figure and - she gasped - a blistery hand. No!
"Leave me alone. Stay away from me."
"Claude, it's me." A hand reached to her and grabbed her shoulder.
"No!" she tried to push it away. With her fist, her fingernails, anything… Anything to get the Dementor away.
"Wake up, Claude, please." With those words, the hood fell. It was no Dementor. Sirius was staring into Claudia's face. A bloody gash on his cheek.
"Did I…" she tried to point at his face, but her arm would not move.
"Don't worry about it."
Claudia looked around. It was dark. A cup of tea was standing, untouched on the bedside table. There was also a bowl of steaming soup.
"Are you hungry? I've just been having my dinner here, but there is plenty more downstairs.
Just looking at the soup made her nauseous. "This is worse than Azkaban."
Sirius brushed the hair out of Claudia's face, making her twitch. "Is that a comment on my cooking?"
Claudia turned away. Silent tears began to fall down her face. She could not wipe them. She could not bear to touch her skin.
"I'll be here if you need me, alright?"
She heard him but chose not to say anything or look his way. What was the point? The picture from the mirror was not going to win anyone's affection. Not Sirius', and certainly not Claudia's own.
A few days went past with Claudia only being awake long enough to take the increasingly smaller portions of St Mungo's potions and increasingly bigger portions of the sleeping draught. Remus came to visit, but one look at his face made Claudia want to die- the memories Azkaban brought back made it impossible to even look at her old friend.
But physically, Claudia was getting stronger. She could get out of bed to sit in a chair by the window. On the evening that Remus came to visit, she even managed a hot bath (after asking Sirius to remove the bathroom mirror). Spurred on by her newly found energy, she ventured down the stairs. But before she made it down to the living room, she heard voices and stopped in her tracks.
"But you came back from there," Remus said. "After twelve years, you came back. And trust me, you have not changed a lot in that time."
"But I had Padfoot," Sirius sighed. "Claude didn't. And I think it broke her, ripped her soul in pieces. Three months is enough, especially for someone who's been hurt as much as Claude has."
"Give her time. It's going to be alright, Sirius-"
"I worry that-" Sirius said quietly. Claudia could not see his face, but it sounded like he was choking on his word. "She's gone, Remus. Azkaban took her away. Took away the person I love."
Claudia's legs gave in, and she fell against the wall. Of course this is what he was thinking! How could he love what was left of her? But Claudia still had her pride. Desperate for them not to know she heard them, she supressed her tears and stumbled up to the bedroom. Without a single doubt in her mind, she opened a drawer and downed a vial of sleeping draught. And another, and another. Before she finished the third dose, the world tumbled into darkness.
Her mouth was dry. A pounding headache extinguished any thought her brain tried to come up with. "Water," she mumbled and peeled her eyes open.
"What did you do that for?" Sirius' hissed, his unshaven face twisted with fury. "You've been out of it for three days! I thought you would never wake up!" He shoved a water glass in her hand.
Claudia drained it. "Why do you care?" she whispered after she swallowed the last of it. "I'm gone anyway…"
"What?"
"Isn't that what you said to Remus? That the person you love is gone?"
Sirius' face dropped. "I didn't say that, Claude. I said that I worry Azkaban has done things to your soul that…" He reached for her hand but she pulled away. "That time won't undo," he added in a whisper.
Claudia began to cry. She wanted for him to reach for her hand again but just could not do it herself. She could not say anything either. She knew she was in a bad shape, but hearing it from Sirius' mouth just made it all too real.
"I will do anything in my powers to help you get better," he added. "I promise you that. And I will never stop trying-"
"But I'm such a mess…"
"But you're my mess. Do you understand? My mess. For as long as we both live."
"Alright."
"I will never leave you. Can you try believe that?"
"I'll try…"
Claudia stayed in bed for another day and Sirius barely left her side.
"Come outside with me. It's beautiful out there," he said in the afternoon out of nowhere. "And before you say no-"
"Alright," she interrupted him. A fleeting smile crossed Sirius' face.
Within half an hour, she was sitting in the grass in the orchard. Sirius had gone to pick some fruit. The sun was scorching and Claudia began to sweat under her thick jumper. Hesitantly, she took it off, folded it under her head and lied down.
The clouds were passing peacefully.
"The peaches are not quite ready," Sirius dropped to the grass next to her. "But the strawberries are."
Claudia picked one up and bit into it. The burst of flavour took her by surprise. "I've forgotten what food tastes like." But even that one strawberry made her stomach ache.
As she watched the clouds again, trying to distract herself from the nausea, she searched through the grass until she found Sirius' fingers and squeezed them.
Sirius shuffled closer to her and brushed Claudia's hair. "I barely remember when it was this long."
"I cut it when I was mad at you."
"I remember that bit…" he sighed. "I'm sorry for the hurtful things I've done to you, I'm sorry the Dementors had all that ammunition."
"I'm not ready to talk about it."
"As someone very wise once said to me, I am here when you are ready."
"Very wise," Claudia said with a hint of a smile.
"Do you want me to cut it?" He run his fingers through the longest part of Claudia's hair. "I've cut Remus' hair before and your haircuts are not dissimilar," he said with a soft chuckle."
"I can cut my own hair! And my hair is much cooler than Remus'…"
"If you say so…"
Later that day, she summoned enough strength to trim it a bit. By the end of the week, her hair was back to normal, and she was even able to look herself in the mirror again for more than a second- Her skin was beginning to resemble that of a human. The circles underneath her eyes were beginning to fade.
When she gone down to the kitchen one evening, actually feeling a little hungry for once, Sirius was putting on his light jacket.
"You are going?" she whispered, having totally forgotten that Sirius had planned to attend an Order meeting that evening.
"Is that alright?"
Claudia nodded.
"Are you sure?"
She really was not sure, but nodded again, determined to not be more of a nuisance than she already was.
But within thirty minutes, Claudia regretted her bravery. Every creak the old house made sounded like an approaching Death Eater. Every wave hitting the rock the Sandcastle sat on brought her closer to Azkaban. And every time Buckbeak squawked from his pen in the orchard, it sent shivers down her spine. All she needed to push her over the edge was a fucking bell. She counted herself lucky that Gurnsey was too far away for her to hear the church towers ring.
Pacing did not help. Smoking sent her into a coughing fit (the healers may have been right that she ought to quit). Drinking… Well, she remembered what drinking usually led to...
Claudia was desperate to take sleeping draught to end this nightmare. But she also wanted to be awake for when Sirius came back. That was what she told herself anyway. It had nothing to do with the fact that her dreams could be more horrifying than anything the house could throw at her. And she really did not want to wake up from one of her nightmares alone.
Finally, she found some solace. Claudia lit the fire and huddled next to it, with her wand drawn. There was no reason to be scared if she could blast anything – or anyone – that approached her into smithereens. She turned the wand over in her hand, realising she had barely used it since Azkaban. There was no need in St Mungo's and she could barely get out of bed since she got home.
"Expecto Patronum," she whispered, thinking of Sirius. Her wand sort of flexed in her palm but produced nothing, not even a puff of smoke. She tried again and again, producing the same result.
Claudia pointed her wand at a particularly ugly cushion and blasted it into hundreds of pieces before finishing the evidence of her crime. So, the wand worked. It was Claudia that was broken.
Trying to think of her happiest memory, Claudia must have dozed off, because at some point later that evening, a creak of the door shook her awake. She jumped to her feet, ready to strike. But it was only Sirius.
"How was the meeting?" she asked hoarsely. Must have slept longer than she realised, her mouth was so dry.
"Are you ok?"
Claudia walked over to the sofa and dropped into the cushions. "Tell me about the meeting." She was in no mood to tell Sirius about how much of a coward she was.
"The situation is as you would expect. Voldemort is laying low, taking advantage of the fact that Fudge refuses to believe he has returned, recruiting… But Dumbledore also thinks that…"
Claudia growled. This last year did not make her any more inclined to forgive her former Headmaster. He recused himself from presiding over her trial. He did not spot Moody was missing for a whole year. Claudia did not see why she ought to trust his judgement.
"He failed to kill Harry again at the end of the tournament. And, Dumbledore thinks, that he has become obsessed with the old Prophecy. He does not know the full text of it, and we think he wants to get his hands on it to see if it holds a clue to killing Harry."
"Is the Prophecy in Department of Mysteries?"
"It is."
"But that would mean breaking in and getting either Harry or Malika, the Keeper of the Hall of Prophecies-" Claudia caught a breath. "Malika is the only other person who can give it to him. The Order needs to get her into hiding now."
"We are watching her, Dumbledore thought it was more beneficial if we pretended we did not know he was after her, and the Prophecy."
"And use Malika as bait? Typical. The Order needs to get her overseas, now. And tell Agrippa not to appoint a replacement. That way, it is only Harry we need to worry about."
"But-"
"This is important!"
"Fine," he sighed. "I'll send Dumbledore an owl."
"Thank you!" she barked, perhaps surprised she won that argument so easily.
Sirius reached for Claudia's hands. "These meetings are not going away, Claude. I want to move to London. I offered my parents' old house to Dumbledore for meetings. And I can't keep trekking there from here every other day. I'll get caught-"
"That's fine," Claudia replied without hesitation. She would not spend another evening here alone if she could help it. "It wasn't exacty fun being here alone."
"I should've stayed-"
"No. You need to go. And I need to figure out how to look after myself again. Can start by remembering how to cast a patronus."
"You will make it work soon, I promise. And I can teach you how to make them talk. Dumbledore figured it out. New way for the Order to communicate."
Claudia smiled. "It was real then."
"What was?"
"I saw your patronus in my cell. I thought I must have imagined it."
"It worked?"
She nodded. "Just before they took me out for the trial."
Sirius smiled and wrapped his arm around Claudia's shoulders. He squeezed her. She wished, for a fleeting second, he would kiss her… But he let go. "Food or bed?"
"Bed…" Claudia whispered. Fear was exhausting.
After a few days of packing, they were ready to say goodbye to the Sandcastle. Remus has kindly offered to take Claudia's heavy Pensieve to Grimmauld Place, as it was too heavy for Sirius to take when flew over to London on Buckbeak.
Claudia was the last to leave. She finished putting the last of her things in the trunk and once night fell, she set up a secure portkey from the Gurnsey beach to Regent's Park. Just before it was time to go, she pulled out her invisibility cloak and threw it over her head. One could never be too careful.
She landed behind a thick bush and peered out. There were no muggles or passers-by. All was good. But then… CRACK.
Claudia crouch down and huddled under the cloak just as a couple of law enforcement officers materialised out of thin air. Shit, she thought. They were monitoring secure portkeys now? That must have been what triggered their appearance. She did not waste a second before she gripped her heavy trunk and apparated in front of Grimmauld Place.
Number nine, ten, eleven… Thirteen! Sirius told her that number twelve would appear between the adjoining houses if she focused on it. She closed her eyes and thought about Sirius and the house he had grown up in. The gold and emerald curtains, the heavy books, the silverware. It had been a long time since Claudia set foot in there, but there were snippets she remembered.
A loud creak interrupted her reminiscing, and she opened her eyes again. The muggle houses were parting and slowly, but surely, number twelve Grimmauld Place had emerged out of nothingness. Still under the cloak, Claudia dragged her heavy trunk up the stairs and knocked. The door opened a sliver.
"Everything ok?" Sirius asked when he helped her pull the trunk in.
"We can't use portkeys anymore," Claudia sighed. "Law enforcement was on me within seconds."
Sirius' expression hardened. "Did you get seen?"
"No. "It's alright," she whispered and brushed his arm. There was something in his face that told her he needed reassurance.
"Dumbledore's been nagging me about putting the Fidelius Charm on the house," Sirius did not respond to her change of tone and continue to wear an expression of utmost determination. "We'll need to do it. Let's get this upstairs-" he pulled the trunk over the carpet, which in turn released a cloud of dust.
The dust forced its way into Claudia airways. Her eyes began to water, and she struggled for breath. When the air settled and Claudia managed to look up, her breath got nearly knocked out of her lungs again, but for a different reason.
"It's like walking into a grave," she said. The house retained none of its past glamour. The walls were grimy, furniture was dusty, even the curtains- Claudia peeled them open-
"No!" Sirius said and snatched the curtains out of her hand. But it was too late. They flew open. A life-size portrait of Sirius' mother was frowning back at her.
"YOU?!" Walburga's voice echoed through the empty hallway. "Does your father know you are still consorting with him?"
"My-" Claudia tried to speak, but the portrait just kept on yelling.
"Blood traitors. Both of you! Stains on your families' names!"
"Shut up!" Sirius yelled and began yanking on the curtains to shut them. "Help me."
Claudia shook off the shock of seeing a ghost and pulled on the curtains.
"Your father will hear about this!" Walburga's voice died down. The curtains were closed.
"Charming…" Claudia whispered and tentatively look at Sirius. She knew that look. This was not the Sirius who sat by her bed as she recovered from the ordeal of Azkaban, the one who always seemed to know just the right thing to say to make her think clearly. This was the Sirius angry at the mere thought of his family, the kid that got hurt beyond measure.
"I can't get rid of the portrait," he hissed. "The bitch put a permanent sticking charm on it." He picked up the trunk and continued towards the stairs.
Sirius barely made it a few steps before he stopped and cursed. His path was crossed by what Claudia assumed was a house elf.
"Kreacher does not know this one," the elf leaned to the side and bore his watery eyes into Claudia. "Kreacher does not like the look of this one. Not proper. The mistress wouldn't like it."
Sirius leaned towards him. "Listen, you…" he growled. Claude's word is as good as mine around here. Do you understand?
"Is this-" Kreacher looked down at Claudia's worn jeans "–your wife?"
"She's as good as…"
The elf's eyes darted towards the portrait. "No, the mistress won't like that," he muttered under his breath. "There is only one Madame Black in-"
"Shut up." Sirius was yelling nearly as loudly as his mother. "No need to call her Madame Black, or whatever pet names you had for my mother. But you will obey her. That is an order."
"Of course, Master-" Kreacher made a move for the trunk
"Get your dirty hands of that trunk."
"Whatever you say, Master," the elf said with such poison in his voice that Claudia thought Sirius might send him across the room. Kreacher turned and began walking away. "The mistress had brides picked for her sons. Much prettier, more dignified brides, I am sure."
"I hate that thing," Sirius growled and began to climb the stairs, dragging the trunk after him.
Claudia did not know whether to cry or laugh. What the hell was this place? The mad elf, yelling portraits… Were those severed elf heads lining up the staircase? She was beginning to think that moving here was one giant mistake.
They were on the first floor. Sirius kicked a door open and nudged Claudia in. He bolted the door after them. "Kreacher doesn't knock."
"Are you sure you're going to be alright here?" Claudia finally found her voice. "You've been here a day and look like you're on a verge of a breakdown."
She half expected Sirius to fly into a rage, but instead, he sighed and sat down on the suspiciously clean four poster bed that was older than the two of them combined. Claudia joined him.
"It'll be better now you're here," he replied and rubbed his palms. "I wanted to get rid of the bloody house elf- but Dumbledore thinks it would be too risky now he's seen me here. Apparently safest if I keep him in my service."
Claudia grimaced. It was hard to argue with that logic.
"Great… Even you think Dumbledore is right." He stood up and opened an ancient chest of drawers. "I've gotten rid of the infestation in this room so we can unpack wherever we want."
"Infestation?"
"You have no idea what magical creatures live here… Kreacher's been fucking useless since my mother died."
"Is the kitchen habitable? I'm starving-"
Sirius glanced at his watch. "Order meeting starts in ten minutes. You could-"
"Forget it."
"I'll get you a sandwich." He vanished.
Claudia could finally look around the room properly. It seemed like a guest room – no photographs, no portraits, no belongings. It looked like a hotel that was abandoned a hundred years ago and only recently re-discovered. She only took out a few of her things from the trunk before Sirius came back holding a cheese sandwich.
"I have to go back down," he mumbled and vanished even faster than he came.
Claudia ate the sandwich, unpacked some more and then got a bit bored. She may have only been to the house a handful of times but she knew there was a library somewhere. So, she wondered down, determined to avoid any Order members.
It did not take Claudia long to find the library. It took her even less time to locate some books on mind magic and take them towards the comfortable-looking sofa. But her excitement was short-lived. She could barely keep attention on the words; the book was too dense. Or her brain was.
"You were sitting right there…" Sirius' voice interrupted her reading (or snoozing).
"What?" she asked, yawning. She must have truly fallen asleep.
"The night we run off from my parent's party. This is where I found you."
Claudia closed the book. "A lot has changed. Not least this house."
"You haven't…" Sirius sat down next to her. A soft smile crossed his face. The meeting has done his mood a lot of good. Maybe their move here was still salvageable. "We missed you at the meeting."
"I sincerely doubt that. I haven't been to the Ministry in months. I can't even understand this book." Claudia sighed. "Useless…"
"That does not change the fact people at that meeting care about you. And they miss you."
Claudia scoffed.
"You really have not changed one bit, Claude. You still don't believe that people love you for you, do you? Despite everything that happened, you still think you need to be useful for any of us to want you around…"
The ability to speak abandoned Claudia. "Well-"
"Oscar risked everything when he testified. Why do you think he did it?" Sirius paused but no response was forthcoming. "Because you are his friend. And Moody is guilt-ridden over allowing Crouch to frame you. Forget Dumbledore, come back to the Order for them. They're desperate to have you back in their lives."
"And you?"
"Of course I want you back in the Order."
"Right, the Order…"
"What's wrong?"
"You haven't even kissed me since-" she bit her lip. Don't cry, she thought to herself. Don't cry.
Sirius picked up Claudia's hand from her lap and squeezed it. "It's not that I don't want to, Claude. But you've only just stopped flinching when I try to touch you. I just wanted to give you time."
"I know, it's just-" she sighed.
"You don't have to explain. I know what happens in that place. It brings out your worst insecurities. And for you-" he trailed off. "Let's get something more to eat… Everyone's gone home."
"Go on… My biggest insecurity is what?" she asked with a hint of a smile. This, she wanted to hear.
"Your biggest insecurity is thinking that no one could ever love you for who you are." Sirius lifted his hand and let his fingertips caress the side of Claudia's face. "But that's your mother talking. The truth is that I am fully aware of each and every one of your terrible qualities and I love you anyway."
"My terrible qualities?"
Sirius was smiling. He looked a decade younger than he did when Claudia arrived. "You're stubborn, argumentative, judgmental, you-"
"Fine, I believe you," she interrupted him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You can kiss me now."
She could feel Sirius finger sink into the hair on the back of her head, as he pulled her closer. His forehead rested on hers. "I really do love you, you know," he whispered. "I always have. And I always will."
His lips travelled over the tip of her nose.
"I love-" She did not get to say anymore. The world around her had disappeared. It was just the two of them and nothing else in the world mattered.
While Sirius' healing words and their first kiss in months made Claudia's heart lighter, they did nothing to actually convince her to rejoin the Order. If anything, it made her remember how much of their lives was wasted by the injustice inflicted on Sirius. And there was nothing that could convince her that Dumbledore was not complicit in that.
She could barely last two minutes in his presence when he came in to put the Fidelius Charm on the house. She stayed only long enough for him, as the Secret Keeper, to reveal to her the location of the house. And then made an excuse to leave. It was a legitimate excuse though. It had been a long time since she had taken her godson out for ice cream.
Claudia was fully aware that she was imagining it, but it felt like everyone she passed in Diagon Alley on the way the ice cream parlour stared at her, they whispered, some even pointed. But she did her best to ignore them and sped up.
Neville was already sitting outside the shop, looking in the other direction. Even from the back, she could tell he had grown since she had last seen him.
"Hi Nev," she whispered and gently placed her hand on his shoulder.
Neville jumped to his feet. "Hi," he said and then appeared to swallow dry.
Claudia did not know what to say either. "Thank you for the get-well card." She sat down. "Did you pick what you want?"
A nervous smile crossed Neville's face. "I wanted to come see you in the hospital, but they released you by the time the term finished. And then- You weren't home."
"It took me a long time to really recover after the trial. But I'm better now."
Neville looked down and stared at the menu.
"That's her," a passer-by whispered to his companion. "That Ministry official who-" the end of the sentence merged with the noise of the street as the people walked out of earshot.
Claudia was sure Neville had heard that conversation too, as he was still looking at his hands.
"Let's get out of here. I've got some muggle money. We can get ice cream elsewhere."
Without a word, they walked out of Diagon Alley and into the crowded streets of central London. Within ten minutes, they found an ice cream van in one of the parks and settled on the yellowing grass. The heat has taken its toll on all the lawns, the Royal Park's included.
"There was nothing in the Prophet about the trial," Neville finally said. "Just some speculations that it was because you knew where Sirius Black was."
Claudia shook her head. "It wasn't about Sirius. Someone quite powerful at the Ministry was trying to destroy my reputation and framed me for a bunch of things, being a Death Eater," she took a deep breath, "torturing your parents. But they were able prove the evidence against me was fabricated."
Her godson stared at Claudia with his mouth slightly ajar. "Who? Why?"
"The Minister has a deputy. Her name is Dolores Umbridge, and she does not like me. Turns out, she was prepared to go quite far in getting rid of me."
Neville said nothing for a while. "How-" he stopped. "I don't know how to ask this…"
"It's alright. You can ask me about Azkaban."
"Was it as bad as they say?"
"I would not recommend it," Claudia said with a smirk but could not hold up the façade for long. "It's an awful place. No one deserves that level of punishment." She sighed and rested her hand on Neville's shoulder. "Well, maybe the Lestranges do…"
"It might sound cruel, but I hope they never see the light of day. And Crouch too."
It was as if someone stabbed Claudia in her stomach. How did she not realise this before. Barty Crouch Jr, disguised as Moody, spent a whole school year teaching the son of the people he helped to torture. Not only did he taught him, by all accounts, he mentored him, spent time with him. Alone! Claudia could vomit.
"When Moody taught us this year, he said-"
"Moody?" Claudia interrupted. "You mean, you know…"
"Yeah, Alastor Moody," Neville replied and smiled. "Gran said that your memory might be a bit off. He was your teacher too, remember?"
"I remember Moody," she mumbled and turned away. It was all beginning to make sense. Neville did not know. He did not know that Moody had been replaced. Dumbledore did not bother telling him… Well, if Dumbledore would not tell him, then- She looked up at Neville, he was looking at his watch.
"I should go. I'm meeting gran to buy my school books. I don't want her to worry."
"Of course not."
"I'll apparate us." She led Neville towards the nearby café bin shed, and once she was sure no one would see them, she reached for Neville's arm and with one loud crack, they found themselves in Diagon Alley again.
Claudia had only one thing on her mind when Mrs Longbottom was punishing her with small talk: did Neville's grandmother know? The moment Neville vanished into the Herbology section of the bookshop, Claudia nudged Mrs Longbottom out of everyone's earshot.
"Moody," Claudia said. She had no idea how to approach the subject.
"Did the boy talked your ear of about him? All year, Moody this, Moody that…"
"He didn't tell you," Claudia whispered. "Dumbledore didn't tell you-"
Mrs Longbottom frowned. "I know you have been through a lot, dear. But you will need to start using full sentences."
If only it was that easy, Claudia thought. "Moody did not teach at Hogwarts this year," she said quietly. "Someone impersonated him using Polyjuice Potion. And that someone-" she sighed. "Was Barty Crouch Jr."
For the first time ever, something resembling fear crossed Augusta Longbottom's face. "Who knows about this?"
"Fudge, Dumbledore-"
"That old bastard," Augusta Longbottom hissed. "He had no right-"
"I will-"
Augusta raised her hand and placed it on Claudia's shoulder. "I will deal with him. You have done your part by telling me. You need to focus on betting better, for Neville's sake-"
"Will you tell him?"
Augusta looked towards the Herbology section. Neville was sitting on the floor, flipping through a book. "How can I?"
"He's not a kid anymore."
"I know… I will tell him. But how?"
"If you wanted me to do it."
Augusta shook her head. "Just make sure you are there once I do. Don't go around getting yourself arrested again."
"No more getting arrested." Claudia said. "I should go. Good luck with Dumbledore."
"He's the one who'll be needing good luck," Augusta hissed.
Claudia grinned and walked out of the shop. Part of Claudia wanted to get out of sight of all these people and go home. But part of her suspected Dumbledore was still there, and she knew that if she saw him, she would not be able to live up to her promise to Augusta. Maybe walk would do her some good.
Within five minutes, she was standing in front of the public entrance to the Ministry of Magic. She did not know how she got there. But it was no surprise; whenever she did not know what to do with her thoughts, she came here to work. To process everything, to feel like she mattered… Oh, crap. This doesn't make Sirius right, she thought to herself and went in.
The Ministry's atrium was all the same. Not just the same as when she got arrested a few months ago, but the same as when she walked through the atrium as a trainee auror for the first time. Her life had turned upside down a dozen time since, but you would never know it looking at the golden fountain. The water was not running, making the atrium eerily quiet.
"Welcome back, Miss Avery-"
Claudia turned like a windchime, looking for the person who said those words. It was the old wizard, the night guard, sat at the reception desk. "I'm just looking…" she said sheepishly.
"You can come in," he replied. "They never revoked your privileges."
"Really?"
"Really. No need to get a visitor badge or hand in your wand..."
Claudia thanked the guard and began to wander through the Ministry's corridors towards her department. She had not met a soul or heard a sound. Even Auberon was home… She smiled to herself when she looked over her assistant's pristine desk. Much like that golden fountain, Auberon's tidiness was the one thing that she could rely on being here in fifty years.
She raised her wand and charmed the door to her office; it opened with ease. The state of Claudia's office provided a nice contrast to that of Auberon's desk. It was seemingly untouched since the search…
Claudia bent over and picked up a couple of rare books from the floor. A cloud of dust had risen and sent her into a coughing fit. She set the books down on her desk. A file lay open right in front of her: The Department of Mysteries' new Apparition Shield. She picked it up.
And in that moment, everything suddenly became clear. It was as if the fog that had plagued her brain since Azkaban had lifted.
She needed to come back.
The threat of Voldemort was once again hanging over their heads, and Claudia knew she would have to play her part. Not as a member of the Order. The fact that Dumbledore kept Augusta and Neville in the dark about Barty Crouch Jr was the last nail in the coffin that contained Claudia's respect for the man. The Ministry was the only way. Fudge may have been a fool, but there were enough people here that could help Claudia make a difference. And she could not let Umbridge crawl her way back into favour… No, there was too much unfinished business here-
She backed out of her office and scribbled a little note on Auberon's desk.
'Your little vacation is over. Hope Agrippa did not make you throw out all my coffee, I will be needing it on Monday.'
She left the Ministry with a spring in her step.
"You seem chipper," Sirius welcomed her home. "Neville good?"
"I went by the office."
"And you hated it," Sirius said hopefully. "You're never going back again…"
Claudia wrapped her arms around his neck. "This is not about me needing to prove myself. If Voldemort is truly back and he wants the Prophecy." She picked up a loose strand of Sirius' hair and placed it over his shoulder. "There isn't anyone better placed than me to protect it-"
Sirius closed his eyes and planted a kiss on Claudia's forehead. "And I think really deep down I know that. But-" He sighed.
"I'm not going to let them arrest me again. I'll kill Umbridge before I go back there."
Sirius chuckled and pulled Claudia into a kiss. "I hate the fact you have to go back there," he whispered when their lips parted.
"I know."
"I hate it, but I understand…"