Hey guys, I don't know how many people read this, so I'll keep it brief. I swallowed my pride and stomped down on my morals: I started a P4TR3ON under the same username as the one here and on Ao3: Bonesboy15.

Of the two Tiers I have presently, the lowest is set at a minimum of Three (3) U.S. dollars. Included in that are exclusive looks at other scrapped ideas (which I have no intent to publish on FF), previews for fics that exist and, eventually, more exclusive content if this pans out like I hope it will.

Thanks for all those that read my two paragraph long dribble, and major thanks to anyone who goes in on helping me keep the lights on!

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

Baby, It's Cold Outside

The main lobby of I.M.P. was not normally soundproofed, but as soon as Naruto walked in with Loona in his arms and snarled at Blitzø to direct him to the Imp's office, it miraculously became such. The other two employees of the Sinner-exclusive business stared at the doppelgänger of the Duke of Gluttony and his compatriot. The clone, naturally, abused the awkward silence with the excuse that he had to go and fetch something to keep the 'technically' youngest demon present from getting too 'hangry' before he went to get Gaara. He left the newest member of House Lzebub to sit on the waiting couch, under the eyes of the two aforementioned married Imp couple.

They continued to stare at him.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...If you fucking morons persist to stare at me, I will rip your fucking faces off and put them back on upside down." Kurama growled as he crossed his arms and let his tail lash about. "What is so fucking interesting about my being that renders the already braindead even worse off?!"

"Moxxie, hon."

"I know, Millie."

The two Imps turned away to gush at at each other: "So cuuute!"

"Hey! I can fucking hear you! It's not like I'm at the whims of object pertinence!" Kurama snarled. The two Imps turned and cooed at him with starry eyes. He bared his teeth and growled, which only made them squirm and his eye twitched. "Fuck off and die!"

"Oh, he's just a vicious widdle goiy! Aren't you? Aren't you vicious?!" Moxxie cooed while his wife, Millie, pulled her phone out to start recording him. Kurama growled in frustration and dragged his claws down his face. He flung his head back and let his tail lash again.

"I should've just stayed in the idiot's head..." his growl turned into a soft whine. "Why? Why me?! The fuck did I ever do to deserve–? Okay, in hindsight, slaughtering thousands was probably an overreaction but they were turning me into a glorified weapon of mass destruction!"

"That sounds fuckin' awesome!" Millie gasped. Kurama slowly turned to stare at her, and then at the phone in her hands. His eyes blazed and his hackles rose as he swelled to his largest possible size.

"Delete that video, right now."

"And miss out on all those potential Sinstagram likes? No fuckin' way!" Millie snorted. "Since Loona fell ill I had to pick up her slack, and we've been viral for two days straight now!"

"Oh, crumbs, we forgot to tell Blitz about that." Moxxie muttered. "We can use that to get more clients..."

"Ah, he won't mind none, hon! He'll probably be super grateful about it." Millie waved him off and smiled brightly as she aimed her phone at Kurama.

"Do I look like the kind of fox that gives a shit about whatever the fuck Sinstagram is?!" The young Foxfiend scowled. The two Imps cooed again and Kurama growled before he clawed his face again. "What the fuck could be taking that idiot so long?"

"What the fuck took you so fucking long?!" Blitzø glared at the Duke of Gluttony after the asshole in question laid his tuckered out Loony-poo back on the couch they shoved into his office. He scowled as the taller bastard – did he get even taller, ugh! Imp height limitations were so fucking agitating sometimes! But then again, Blitzø was a lot more creative because of it – pulled a blanket out of thin air with only a poof of smoke that he draped around his shivering and twitching little girl. "And what's with the fucking eyesore dye job? What, were you feeling too languid as an orange blob?! And what the fuck is that little mongrel you left out there?! Did you cheat on my Loo–hurk!"

Huh, when and how did the Duke of Douchery close the distance between–? Wait, no, did he sprout a third arm from his back?! That's so–! So–! ..Kinky..It was really warm and was really strong for a shaped limb of pure energy. Before he could really get into the choke-hold, it reeled Blitzø in so that he was staring into two luminous white eyes.

"First of all," the snarl smelt of a thick gulp whiskey and the good kush that burned just right. It caused a lot of confused distress for the Imp in charge of I.M.P., not that the fucking Noble who was glaring at him likely noticed or cared. "I was in a fucking coma, Shitzø. I didn't get a fucking say over how long it lasted, much like how I assume most of your partners think about you."

This smarmy asshole did not just–! Blitzø's offended thought was derailed as the Douche of Gluttony jostled him in his third arm's grasp. Fuck, that's right! I'm being choked out by a Noble who isn't into me.

"Second, I woke up looking like this. You got an issue with that? Tough shit." He growled again. "Thirdly, that little mongrel out there is the only reason I'm even awake! Do you know what childbirth feels like?!"

...Oh, that was a genuine question! How did Blitzø know? The energy arm loosened its grip.

"..N-No?"

"Would you like me to demonstrate it for you? Because I can give you the general fucking idea." The Douche growled again.

Blitzø frantically shook his head and got another whiff of hot air in the face for his troubles. Damn, this asshat's breath should not smell this fucking good! It was making being mad at him so hard, and the choking was causing other issues. Yes, of fucking course he had a boner from being choked out by his daughter's – ugh – boyfriend, and yes it was extremely awkward since he was trying really hard to be pissed off at the guy!

Oh, and the whole breathing issues that the choking brought up was disrupting that, too.

"Glad we understand each other, Shitzø." The Douche narrowed his eyes and flashed his fangs in a menacing smile before he was promptly dropped onto his desk. As the Founder and CEO of I.M.P. fought to get his breathing back in order, the Douche walked back to Loona's side and knelt. His dirty claws combed through his little Loony's mane and he muttered lowly under his breath something that made her whimper.

"Leave her–!" Blitzø hacked as he rolled to his knees and stood up. "Alone, fucker! You did enough–!"

The Douche growled at him like he had back at the Princess of Hell's Hotel – which, last Blitzø heard, had not been doing well, which only gave him hope for his business – and the energy hand manifested back into existence from the Hound-like demon's shoulder. Blitzø knew a threat when he saw it and decided it would be smarter to back down for the moment. He still glared at the dickhead that kept sniffing around his daughter. No one, not even a Noble related to a Sin like this dickbag was, was good enough for his sweet, feral little Loony-Toony.

"Answer me this, Blitzø," the fucker finally said after a moment of quiet broken only by Loona's whimpers. "How long has she been sick? And why the fuck is she at work in this weather?"

"Not like you actually fucking ca–Hurk, again?! Seri-helc-ously?!" Blitzø wheezed as his trachea was crushed in the Noble's actual hand. Okay so he was also fast. Like really fucking fast, Blitzø didn't even blink and then he was being choked. The fuck happened during his fucking coma?! Did he get some serious roid boosting?! Talk about perks of Nobility!

"Don't you ever fucking accuse me of not caring about Loona! I don't give a fuck who you are to her, Imp! I will eat you alive and let you suffer the fucking horror that is my functional and active digestive system!" The Duke snarled as the golden-orange parts of his fur darkened to a bloody, almost burgundy, red and his muzzle split into mandibles. He shot up to a whopping twelve feet – Blitzø only knew that because he took measurements of his office a few times, just to see if he could house certain creatures within it – and held the Imp against the ceiling. The trio of blue Hell Eyes that sprouted between the compounded azure orbs on either side of his red and black face reminded Blitzø of the Hellfire Ants that popped up every now and then in Wrath. A jostle and the clacking snarl that came from the Noble's mandibles startled him from his thoughts. "Do you understand me?!"

"Yes! Hu-Fuck! Yes!" Blitzø wheezed as he clawed at the hand around his throat. As suddenly as it was there, it vanished and with it was the force and arm that kept the imp pinned to his ceiling. Blitzø didn't even have time to scream as he dropped to his desk below and crashed through the cheap materials of the Greed-ordered construct. Dazed, he groaned and pushed himself back up, only to get grabbed by the horn.

"Now." The Duke – who, thank the sadistic Satan, was back to that normal, smaller, golden-orange fox-like form – growled as his muzzle got in Blitzø's face. "I'm going to ask you again, and if you give me any fucking attitude...Well...Loona would forgive me eventually."

The best of threats made unspoken was also the worst to receive.

"So tell me, Blitz," the Kidnapping, Hounding, Scarousing as Fuck Noble, growled. "How long has my Loona been sick, and why in the fuck did you make her come to this shithole that you work in?!"

"She's no–!" Blitzø might have hyper focused on the claim the Noble made on his Hellhound daughter, and it was as he was hoisted up over an open and very toothy maw that he remembered the unspoken threat. "Shit! A few weeks! She's been sick for a few weeks! And I didn't make her come here, we got evicted alright?! Please, sweet fuck, please don't fucking swallow me! I'm not into Vore play!"

"Why the fuck did you get evicted?! I own your building! I nullified your fucking rent and took care of the overdue bills–!" He what?! Why is this the first time Blitzø heard about it. Wait, why did the Douche freeze–? The question was lost as the Douche dropped Blitzø again and glared out the office window. "...I might need to go pay King Lucifer a fucking visit later."

What?! Lucky bastard better not be cheating on his Loony with Lucifer! ..What, he was the King of Hell! Blitzø recognized that much and how hot that short king fucking was!

"Okay. Evicted. I'll take care of that, shouldn't fucking have to, but I will." The Duke growled and rubbed his face. "Sick for a few weeks...did it happen right after I went into my coma?"

"...No." Blitzø sighed. He wasn't going to lie to the asshole that just told him he'd deal with their homeless status, even if he was the same asshole that threatened him with Vore and kept hounding after his baby girl. Being homeless was only funny when it happened to other Imps, and not to Blitzø. "It was a week or so after."

"Uh-huh." The Duke frowned. A claw was thrust in Blitzø "Once Gaara and his medic get here, you will do your fucking best to help them so they can help Loona. Do you understand me?"

"Fuck you, I would do anything for Loona! She's my daughter dipshit!" Blitzø snarled as he smacked the noble's hand out of his face.

"The past five minutes of you bitching and harping at me say otherwise, Shithead." The Duke growled.

"I only do that because you keep trying to take her from me!"

"Motherfu–Are you being absolutely serious?!" The Duke groaned into his hand. Blitzø crossed his arms and scowled at him. The Hound groaned. "Fuck me with a sandpaper strap on... Okay, newsflash you selfish little asshole, even if we went and eloped behind your back, I wouldn't keep Loona away from you. She could still come work here, and shit, if she wanted to live with you after a fucking ring got put on her finger, I'd be fine with that!"

"Like I could believe that! You fucking keep taking her away! Putting videos of her up and doing all those…things to her!" Blitzø snapped. The Duke stared at him, jaw agape. Ha! His argument was well founded–Did this daughtherfucker just bitch smack him?!

"Wake the fuck up, Blitzø Buckzo!" The Duke snarled as he shook his right hand out. He crossed his arms. "It's her fucking life, dumbass! You can't force her to make you be part of it! And if you fucking keep trying to, all she'll want to do is keep you the fuck away! Fucking Hell, are you trying to become Cash?!"

"..Who the fuck told you that name?" Blitzø scowled.

"I looked it up while I was working for Stolas, dumbass. It's not a secret." He growled at the imp. He pointed at Blitzø. "You gotta make a fucking choice, Blitzø. Do you want to be part of Loona's life, or do you want her to scorn your very existence for trying to control her?"

"Don't turn this shit on me–!"

"This shit is on you!" The Duke cut him off. He pointed at his daughter, slumbering and turned their way with an ear twitching each time the Duke spoke. "If Loona decides she doesn't want me anymore, will I like it?! No! But you can be damned sure I'll respect it! Because it was her choice for us to hook up and it was her choice to agree to be my Mate–!"

"The fuck?!" Blitzø shrieked. He jumped at the Noble and pulled at the fur on his collarbone. "What the fuck do you mean 'Mate'?! I know what that shit means, I read all the books Loony got me!"

"…Shit, uh, I was kind of hoping to let her drop that bomb." The dead demon walking winced. He rubbed his neck. "Look, before we hash it out while Loona is sleeping, let's table this shit for now, alright? I'm hungry, I'm pissed and if we argue I will hurt you." His eyes narrowed when Blitzø opened his mouth. "Don't even try to deny it. You're an Imp, Blitzø, and if you're telling me you have Angelic weaponry on hand, you're either lying or I'll turn your ass in to Satan's court so fucking fast you'll wish I'd just killed you."

Ah. Shit. Well. With the threat of a trial on the line, Blitzø closed his mouth and dropped down.

"We're not done talking about this 'Mate' shit, asshole."

"Whatever. Do you have anything good to eat or should I send a clone out to make a food run?"

"Get your own damn food–!"

"I was going to offer to get food for you and your employees, but if you're going to be like that.." The Duke shrugged and went back over to Loona to give her head a quick nuzzle – fucker! – before he flinched away. Served him right. The Duke sighed as he stroked Loony's hair. "We'll get this sorted out, Loon. There's a good long Boop on the horizon."

"The fuck does that mean?"

"It means that you should go get an order from your lackies while I figure out what my Kit wants, or I won't get you idiots anything." The Duke growled as he stood and then strode out of the room. Blitzø scowled at the Kidnapper's back but did as he was told. Free food was free food, after all. Or at least, food on someone else's dime.

Lobo's red eyes narrowed as they looked over the chaos that had infected the Second Circle of Pride. His white muzzle lifted in a snarl as he and his Pack watched countless Sinners swarm the city in search of the source of the blizzard. The process of doing so was violent as Sinners unaffiliated with each other took any interaction with another as an attempt at insult or offense, which bred more violence. This wouldn't be unusual in the Ring of Wrath or even in Gluttony, but this was Pride.

Sinners that were this volatile were generally restricted to Pentagram City for a fucking reason, Lobo saw to that personally. He didn't care if the Heavenly Host played Lucifer's pride against him out of fear and made the Extermination Day. He didn't care if Lucifer had put a stipulation in the arrangement that would nullify and preserve his constantly expanding Forces of Evil for when Adam or one of his floozy followers inevitably fucked up.

Lobo cared about his Pack. His Kin. His Blood. Outside of his duties to the Forces of Nature, The Order of Balance, they were the only thing he cared about in this fucked up realm. While he might be banned from recovering his wayward pup by the Rule of Sin, he would not be stopped from protecting them.

"There's a gap in the observation." Shi noted quietly as he pointed down to a portion of the city that looked run down and hit hardest by the storm of Deathfrost.

"Hm, so there is." Lobo rumbled and ruffled Shi's ears. "Good eye, Shi."

"Sir!" Gai slid to a stop on his other side. He pointed up at the storm, where a new, darker cloud was rolling in. "Look! Shades of Magic!"

"Well spotted." Lobo muttered as his brow furrowed. What in the actual fuck was Mephistopheles doing in Pride? No matter the reason, it couldn't be for anything that would benefit his Pack. With that in mind, Lobo patted both of the pups on their shoulders. "Ready the others, cachorros. We will move in now."

"Yes, Alpha!" "Sir."

The apparent perks of being a magical construct like his clones were? They had better control over magic and demonic power than Naruto did. Damned braggart wouldn't shut up about it until he was dispelled, either. Dick.

It took another hour or so, but Naruto was eventually back in Blitzø's office with a fuller stomach while his 'kit' – Kurama had been in the midst of clawing Moxxie's eyes out with Millie torn on stopping him and recording it, for some reason, when he stepped out the first time after he and Blitzø had their chat – was sated with a bounty of meat-filled goodies that his clone had gotten from a town over. At that point, Gaara had arrived with a very reluctant and very annoyed Shikamaru in tow.

"Like I said before, her magical core is overstimulated. In layman's terms, it's almost like a chakra disruption, like an Elemental Numbered Seal or something. Healthcare in Hell isn't developed enough for me to even think about messing with it." Shikamaru drawled as he curled up on Blitzø's chair and snuggled into a sleeping bag he apparently kept on hand. He pulled the bag up over his face and kept his candle-like growth exposed before he sighed. "Now, I've given you all my medical opinion on this twice. Let me fucking sleep."

"Of course." Gaara obliged from where he stood, casually teasing Kurama that he had cradled in one arm with a string, almost like the young Foxfiend was a cat that kept trying to catch a dangling toy. Naruto had a clone recording that amount of blackmail, so he could focus on sitting with his comatose mate and warming her frigid frame with pulses of heat. Blitzø, who was torn between glaring at him and making a move for the string-toy that had enamored Kurama, crossed his arms.

"Well, fucking terrific. Glad we waited another two hours for your fucking friend…who is apparently the fucking Meth-head King or some shit."

"He meant to say Mephistopheles, Lord Mephistopheles! Pay him no mind! He's got a bit of brain damage." Moxxie laughed nervously as he kept Millie in the other room, the two of them were more aware of Gaara's reputation than Blitzø, but then, what else was new?

"Well, so much for a modern solution. And if it isn't chakra entanglement from your Mateship, then I am also at a loss." Gaara admitted as he continued to smirk down at Kurama. The former Biju turned Foxfiend was extremely lethargic after being fed well, and Naruto secretly worried he'd have to deal with his Kit going through the same 'naps' he did as a kit. That concern was shunted firmly to the side as Gaara looked up and met his gaze. "Incidentally, does she know about Kurama? At all? You said she was conscious for a moment."

"She was delirious from a Chill, so probably not." Naruto shook his head and stroked Loona's soft, slightly frosted over white mane from her face as his lap acted as her pillow. She whined and snuggled into his thigh, which only enticed him to flare his demonic chakra and warm her up. Once she settled back into a steady slumber, Naruto looked back up into Gaara's eyes. "You can't think of anything that might have caused this?"

"Well, unless she's an outcasted member of the Coin-Shìthe, no I can't think of anything." Gaara shrugged. He stopped teasing Kurama for a moment as a tanker truck flipped past the window of Blitzø's office and crashed down the way. He blinked at the sight. "Was that a normal occurrence?"

"Eh, that shit happens every other Tuesday. Six out of ten on dismount." Blitzø snorted. He opened his mouth to say something more when a sudden, but faint whistling tune filled the air and sent a cold chill, colder than the air through the very souls of all that heard it. The Imp and his cohorts stared at the window as it stopped. "What the fuck was that?!"

Gaara slowly set Kurama down on Shikamaru's lap – disrupting the Baphomet who was startled to suddenly have his covered arms full of Foxfiend that looked like the massive creature that haunted his past life's village – and walked over to the blinds. He peered through one set and pursed his lips as if in thought. Another whistle sounded before he could speak, and once it quieted, Naruto saw his old friend swallow sharply.

"...Naruto?" He asked. "Are we absolutely certain Loona was found in an Orphanage?"

"What the fuck are you asking him for?! She's my daughter!" Blitzø snarled.

"Hate to say it, but he's right." Naruto muttered. Blitzø did know more about Loona's past, for the time being. Naruto hadn't broached it with her yet, and only knew of snippets. He drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch and his tail wriggled anxiously. "Why?"

"Because..I think I might know what's wrong with her." Gaara swallowed and gave him an apologetic shrug. "And if I'm right, which I nearly always am, there is no solution for it other than to let her be taken by the Hounds of Death."

AN: Again, thank you to everyone who supports me and my development of these properties of which I do not own. Please give props to the source material, and thanks to my first two s, they know who they are.