I Sold My Soul to Rock'n'Roll

Announcement from Councilman Jafar, to the Citizenry of the Protectorate:

First and most importantly, Liberator Cain has not gone insane or been possessed by a daemon. Every so often, great leaders need to relieve the stress of their solemn duties, in this case bringing the ideals of the Liberation to uncounted billions, without burning everything down to the bedrock. Or so I am informed. Our fearless leader has fortunately decided to take a somewhat less drastic route to working out his frustrations. We attribute this to his recent encounter with a pair of Chaos Space Marines in service to the God Slaanesh, who both specialised in sonic battle effects, and referred to themselves only as 'Black' and 'Gass'. Investigations into a sorcerous artifact known as the 'Pick of Destiny' may be involved.

Whatever the reason, the Liberator has decided that the political order of the Protectorate needs a new management style.
Doubtless, the Imperial Ecclesiarchy will declare this form of Government heretical as well in due time.

The following changes will be most obvious:

1) The Cainite Protectorate shall heretofore be known as the Ciaphas Cain Experience.

2) The Protectorate Flagship 'Fist of the Liberator' is now the "Van".

3) The Haidmaidens of Emeli will be renamed the "Groupies", an appellation they seem quite keen on. The Liberator has also sent an Astropathic invitation to Inquisitor Amberley Vail to "get on the bus with all the hot chicks who tried to kill me". The threat level of the Protectorate Experience is now mauve. I repeat, we are at Condition Mauve.

4) The BORG will be renamed the "Roadies". The majority of our vehicle manufacturing capacity will be redirected to produce 'Huge Amps' and 'Rocking Speakers' (we do not know why he wants them to be made deliberately unstable), and our weapons manufacturing capacity to making 'Face Melting Axes' which no one is quite sure how to do yet, but Legionnaire Hektor has offered to advise on the matter.

5) Liberator Cain promises to "rock the entire Galaxy". We are still not quite sure what he means by this.

6) "Be excellent to one another" has replaced "All people must be free to choose their own destiny" as the guiding policy of the regime.

7) To all enemies, the Liberator extends his wishes that "we who are about to rock, salute you."

8) "Ass, cash, or grass-nobody rides for free" shall be considered a...colourful...take on the usual policies on paying one's tithes.

9) Auditions are now open. So are slots in the Liberator's Entourage not occupied by his current Companions. We ask that you do not inquire with them about this, as Aide Bassist Jurgen is too busy monitoring the Liberator's condition to be disturbed, Legionnaire Drummer Hektor seems very confused by this whole business, and Bloodward Back-up Dancer Malicia stabbed several people when her new outfit was commented on.

10) The 'Galactic Tour' starts in Slawkenburg, and the 'Battle of the Bands' will be held on Adumbria's Shadowbelt, as apparently the light effects of the eternal sunset there are 'Awesome'. Despite our best efforts to prevent it, a general invitation to attend has been sent out to the four corners of the galaxy. We have now had reports from our Diviners of the following groups heading in that direction:
A) A full squadron of Chaos ships almost exclusively carrying Slaaneshi Noise Marines, a warband apparently called 'The Morbid Angels', led by an individual known only as "The Judas Chaplain'.
B) An Orkish fleet being led by a Warboss known by the moniker 'The Goff Rocker'.
C) A Eldar ship carrying an elite all-female force called the 'Howling Banshees', and a Harlequin troupe referred to as 'The Masque of the Black Sabbath'.
D) The entirety of the Sororitas Convent fleet called the 'Iron Maidens', who are noted for their almost exclusive use of the Exorcist variant Rhino, all of which are notoriously equipped with Laud Hailers.

Arrangements to evacuate the civilian population of Adumbria for the duration of this event are currently underway.

Those sensitive to the Warp are especially advised to keep their distance from the Adumbria system for now, as our Diviners have told us that hundreds of thousands of Daemonettes are trying to break through from the Immaterium, lead by Lady Emeli. We are informed that they are all constantly screaming and squealing, and many are holding signs declaring their love for Liberator Cain. Although this is understandable, their attendance would not be ideal, as we have manufactured an insufficient amount of 'merch' for that many beings, and we believe running out may cause them to get… upset.

I ask that there be minimal panic. If you see a bare-chested Liberator with indecently clinging trousers and an open black leather waistcoat covered in metal studs (but the same peaked cap as normal for some reason…), stay calm and make no sudden movements. If you play an instrument, may the True Gods help you.

Councilman Jafar

Full Credit to Samarkand who gave me express permission to write this, as it is inspired by their fantastic short story 'Metalbach'.
I felt the need to write it after listening to Sabaton for 3 hours straight during a long drive, and then discovering a series of wonderful 40k Sabaton music videos on YouTube.